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More Goops and How Not to Be Them: A Manual of Manners for Impolite Infants cover

More Goops and How Not to Be Them: A Manual of Manners for Impolite Infants

Chapter 50: IMPOSSIBLE!
By Gelett Burgess
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Children & Young Adult ReadingHumourPoetry

About This Book

The work presents short comic verses paired with simple illustrations that lampoon common childish misbehaviors and show corrective conduct. Each brief poem focuses on a particular fault—table manners, noisiness, littering, borrowing without asking, impatience, and impoliteness when visiting—and supplies a wry admonition or practical tip. Playful rhyme and exaggerated examples turn etiquette lessons into memorable moral sketches aimed at teaching politeness, consideration, and self-control through humor.

INDOLENCE

There was a Goop who lay in bed
Till half-past eight, the sleepy-head!
He couldn't find his stockings, for
He'd thrown them somewhere on the floor!
He couldn't find his reading-book;
He had forgotten where to look!
His breakfast grew so very cold,
This lazy Goop began to scold;
And then he blamed his mother, kind!
"You made me late to school!" he whined.

THE LAW OF HOSPITALITY

There is a very simple rule

That every one should know;

You may not hear of it in school,

But everywhere you go,

In every land where people dwell,

And men are good and true,

You'll find they understand it well,

And so I'll tell it you:

 

To every one who gives me food,

Or shares his home with me,

I owe a debt of gratitude,

And I must loyal be.

I may not laugh at him, or say

Of him a word unkind;

His friendliness I must repay,

And to his faults be blind!

THE FLOWER HOSPITAL

I dreamed I found a sunlit room
Filled with a delicate perfume,
Where, moaning their sweet lives away,
A thousand lovely flowers lay.
They drooped, so pale, and wan, and weak,
With hardly strength enough to speak,
With stems so crushed and leaves so torn
It was too dreadful to be borne!
And one white lily raised her head
From off her snowy flower bed.
And sighed, "Please tell the children, oh!
They should not treat the flowers so!
They plucked us when we were so gay,
And then they threw us all away
To wither in the sun all day!
We all must fade, but we'll forgive
If they'll let other flowers live!"

PUPPY GOOPS

Candy in the cushions

Of the easy-chair;

Raisins in the sofa—

How did they get there?

The little Goop who's greedy

Does it every day,

Like a little puppy,

Hiding bones away!

EXAGGERATION

Don't try to tell a story

To beat the one you've heard;

For if you try, you're apt to lie,

And that would be absurd!

 

Don't try to be more funny

Than any one in school;

For if you're not, they'll laugh a lot,

And think you are a fool!

 

NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Do you slam the door?

Do you drag your feet?

Making noise enough for four

Hundred thousand Goops, or more,

Tearing up the street?

 

Clattering down the stairs,

Storming through the hall,

Pounding floors, upsetting chairs,

Do you think your father cares

For your noise, at all?

STEALING RIDES

I thought I saw a little Goop

Who hung behind a cart;

I looked again. He'd fallen off!

It gave me such a start!

"If he were killed, some day," I said,

"'Twould break his mother's heart!"

UNTIDY GOOPS

I think you are a Goop, because

You never shut your bureau drawers,

You do not close the door!

You leave your water in the bowl,

You put your peelings in the coal!

I've told you that before!

A GOOP PARTY

"Please come to my party!" said Jenny to Prue;
"I'm going to have Willy, and Nelly, and you;
I'm going to have candy and cake and ice-cream,
We'll play Hunt-the-Slipper, we'll laugh and we'll scream.
We'll dress up in caps, we'll have stories and tricks,
And you won't have to go till a quarter past six!"
But alas! When she mentioned her party, at tea,
Her mother said, "No! It can't possibly be!"
So Jane had to go and explain to her friends,
And that is how many a Goop party ends!
Just speak to your mother before you invite,
And then it's more likely to happen all right!

INQUISITIVENESS

I gave a letter to a Goop

To take to Mrs. Bird;

And what d'you think he went and did?

He read it, every word!

Now, isn't that the rudest thing

That you have ever heard?

 

Why, he would peep through keyholes,

And listen at the door!

And open parcels, just to see

What came from every store!

 

Now, have you ever ever heard

Of such a Goop before?

DON'T BE GOOD

Just because you want to go
To the circus, or the show;
But, when all your fun is o'er,
Be as good as you were before!

DON'T BE BAD

Just as long as you dare to be,
Because your mother doesn't see.
Do not wait for her to scold,
But be just as good as gold!

WRITE RIGHT!

If you were writing with your nose,
You'd have to curl up, I suppose,
And lay your head upon your hand;
But now, I cannot understand,
For you are writing with your pen!
So sit erect, and smile again!
You need not scowl because you write,
Nor hold your fingers quite so tight!
And if you gnaw the holder so,
They'll take you for a Goop, you know!

WET FEET

Down the street together,

In the rainy weather,

Went a pair of little boys along;

One of them went straying

In the gutters playing,

Doing all his mother said was wrong;

 

One of them went dashing

Into puddles splashing,

Under dripping eaves that soaked him through;

One of them avoided

All the other boy did,

Dodging all the slimy, slushy goo.

One of them grew chilly;

Said he felt so ill he

Knew he'd caught a cold, and coughed a lot!

The other was so warm he

Said he liked it stormy!

Which of them was Goop, and which was not?

DRESS QUICKLY!

All your life you'll have to dress,
Every single day (unless
You should happen to be sick),
Why not learn to do it quick?
Hang your clothes the proper way,
So you'll find them fresh next day;
Treat them with a little care,
Fold them neatly on a chair;
So, without a bit of worry,
You can dress in quite a hurry.
Think of the slovenly Goops, before
You strew your clothing on the floor!

DANGER!

Ink, ink! What do you think!
You're sure to be stained, if you play with the ink!
You're sure to get black, if you play with the ink-well,
Before you begin it, just stop once, and think well!
All over your fingers, all over your face,
All over your clothes, and all over the place!
Your mother'll be angry, your father'll say, "There!
I said not to touch it; you said you'd take care!"

 

When Goops are so mischievous, they have to drink
Forty-four dozen bottles of raven black ink!

THE REASON WHY

Everybody liked Ezekiel.

Why?

You could scarcely find his equal.

Why?

If he made a mistake,

He said he was wrong;

If he went on an errand,

He wasn't gone long;

He never would bully,

Although he was strong!

Everybody hated Mello.

Why?

He was such a surly fellow.

Why?

If you asked him for candy,

He'd hide his away;

He never would play

What the rest wished to play;

He would say horrid words

That he oughtn't to say!

IN GOOP ATTIRE

I'll make you a dress of a towel,

And trim it all over with soap,

With a sponge for a hat

And a wet one, at that!

And then you'll be happy, I hope!

You may act like a Goop, if you please,

In garments constructed like these!

 

But now, while you're dressed up so neatly,

Don't wipe off your hands on your frock!

The smooching that lingers

When you wipe off your fingers,

Will give your dear mother a shock!

The result will be even more shocking,

If you wipe off your shoes on your stocking!

IMPOSSIBLE!

There once was a Goop (it is hard to believe

Such unpleasant behavior of you!)

Who always was wiping his nose on his sleeve;

I hope that this Goop wasn't you!

He always was spitting (for fun, I suppose),

I couldn't believe, it of you!

And putting his fingers up into his nose;

I KNOW that this Goop wasn't you!