Mr. Punch's "Animal Land"

The Reed or Bildaphleet

This splendid but desining Animal is awfull good at shipps. He has a curious little taste for liking them to keep on the surfiss and flote the right way up which was very annoying to the ammerchures who mannage these things for us so nicely in parlyment. He is full of strength and boyancy and stebbility there isnt no one quite like him I think—so is his shipps they seem to last for ever as good as new. He writes such viggrous letters that is a moddle of riting and he is a good powett to. It is a grate pity he didnt teach his son how to spell he seems to get worse and worse—he is a perfeckt dissgrase.

The Sullivan

This little Creature is full of the most lovly tewnes and all other kinds of musick. Nobody didnt know how humerous wind-instrymants was till he did it. He will get a trombown or a hoboy to talk just for all the world like a rettired curnel only funnier—it will make you ake with laughing. He writes the most holy tewnes too and makes you fancy you are soring about with other angels in the upper-boxes. (I wrote this wile goveness was out of the room—she would say it was awfull irevrent I exspect)

The Skippydan or Droorileno

This dear little Animal is never still for a moment though it is full of wheezes. He is very proud of his feet—you can see them if you look carefully. Sculpters rave about him—they say he is so stattuwesk

The Aird or Dammynile

This kind Animal is allways so pleased to see you. He is very enterprising and has a funny way of contrackting himself and getting into the bed of a river and blocking it all up till it runs over. I should think the whole place will be full of crockerdials and irrigators and things. He has such a bewtifull beard—it looks as if he would make a very nice prophet, dont you think so

The Coneydoil or Shurlacombs

This big friendly Creature is very shrood and saggacious. If he finds a footprint he can tell you what colored hair it has and whether it is a libbral or a conservetive—which is very clever I think. He plays all games and always makes a hundred. He likes to run through the "Strand" with his tail in parts—all of them strong and healthy—then he colects it all together and it runs for a long time by itself

The Timm

This prickly biting little Animal is about the cleverest of them. He turns his back round to the others so you can see he hasnt got hardly any tail behind him. He has a precius nasty sting though all the same that will give you fits if you irretate him—it will make you wish you were at some quiet see-side place. He use to bellong to a party of seventy but he has turned the other sixty-nine out into the cold

The Leedabar or Dikkiwebbsta

This able Animal has such a noble brain that there is only just room for it. It can't get any higher without going right out of the House. It sings like a bird and says it fears no foe in shining armer but hymms seems to suit it best I think. Everybody likes it as long as it doesnt get singing. It tried to make a apollergy once but it was dredfully lame and couldnt. It lives on parchment and staind-glass.

The Trimmadome or Willirich

This pleasant little Creature lives up inside a dome over a whispring gallery and spends all his time sticking on nice little pictures and patterns. You cant see much of them from downstairs but he says they are all quite relligious and he is very relliable

The Wagg or Tommibole

This humorous little Creature is very shy and moddest. It lives on salt-water and blue-books and what it doesnt know isnt worth a dead star-fish. When questions is on it has a nice little way of rubbing things in. It is always there

The Jingonite or Yankiturk

This odd little Animal did not grow here you would think it had to hear it talk. When it starts saving the Empier and singing Rule Britannyer very loud they only look at the ceiling and talk about the weather and how long this is likely to last

The Hyah-Hyah or Fisklekrank

This popular Animal wants to know where everything comes from—then he scribbles all over it. I believe it would label its grandmother. If it can get anybody to meddle with fiskle things it is quite happy and cheers like winking. It has got a cheer that is so loud that I exspect it will be quite out of order soon.

The Kurnle or Armaghda

This puggnacious Animal is allways thirsting for slaurter. He has made himself such a nice dry ditch to die in if he can get the others to come on. He wears his coats all out dragging them along the flore so that somebody may step on them. If he can get anyboddy to stop and look he will eat fire like one o'clock—but it isnt real. Just at present he is taking the hat round. Everboddy likes him tho he is such a dessprit charakter and so full of bloodtherstyniss. He draws nicely too—all exept swords—in fact he is quite a carickachuriss—like me, only I'm a perfeshernal

The Yauk or Rompyjack

This merry little Animal makes a good deal of noise and never runs. He is quite at home under fire or water. He just does it and thats all.

The Punchiboss or EphseeBee

This humrous little Creature has a most commical brain—full of happey thaughts. He settles on everything directly you put it in front of him. He is awfull kind to chilldren so he gives me great enkurygment when I do my picktures nice enough which is allmost allways now. He does buzz round you though and prod you up. He likes to get a good run on the boards sometimes. He has a skillful little way of knocking off a piece if it comes in his way—he is very strong in the wings. He has got a awfull clever lot of drawers and riters together—all of them genyusses and tipes of english beuty. (I must get this put in sometime when he is away—he might not like me to berlesk him after his polliteness and forceheight in letting me beggin so young.)

The Morl or Philopat

This kind honnest Animal is very fond of dubblin and like to play at billding a house on the green for them to fite in. He is wearing the green right through with trying so hard. When he is on the steemer he nails things on to the mast. It is very odd he sits for Scotland and stands up for Ireland. He is a bewtifull talker and riter and goveness says he is a "pewriss in stile" (watever does she mean). He is strugling to learn the sord-dance over two umbrellas. It is awfull hard though and he keeps all on kicking his ankells till he has to sit down on the flore—then he plays on the bag-pipes like the heeros in India but the neybours do complain so he will have to give it up or ellse move into another districkt

The Fowla

This abill Animal is wonderfull strong and shrood and it can Jump up and carry the whole house along with it if it likes to. It is very sollid and watey and has got a large dessenting body behind it. It knows all about "howdahs and rajahs and things" and it can turn pounds and shillings into roopees while you wait. It knows the diffrence bitween a millitry road and a footpath and if it made it itself or if someone else did—which is more than some peeple do. It can make the Jorgiehammle wish he had never had a birthday. It is a very nice corteer and queens like it imensely. It wears a indian shorl on state occajions, it doesnt fancy kilts. It is leeder of the libbral party—so is about half a dozen others too—they all do it at once but it dosnt matter much Just now

The Kortnee

This Animal has got a head full of rules and reggulatians. It is awfull fond of all kinds of riddles. the ones it likes best are those noboddy cant make head or tail of—the abstuser the better. They make your hair all come off to think of them. He use to sit in a chair and see they all behaved. He did it so nicely that they mesured him for a bigger chair but it fitted someone else best so he lives in a tub now like Diodgiknees. He gives awfull nice lecktures to passers-by and says order order to himself. He wants to have members of parlyment all diffrent sizes according to the waight of the voaters—he calls it "prepporshnal repprisentatian" (I hope I have spellt it right) isnt it silly. He is a leeder of fashion. He has got a pattent westcote of a very funny colour that is most becomming. They say he comes out all over brass buttens at night—he must look radiently bewtifull.

The Padd.

This curious little Creature never comes out in the same place only about once a year—that keeps his vallew up. They take him round in a selloon carrige with his name very large on the outside hermiticly seeld and deckerated with maden-hare ferns and rare browcades. They stop at the towns and let him out to play for a few minutes and then all the ladies in dabbly dresses weep and gassp and shreek out "Divvine!" andsettra and rush about after him till the pollice steps in—then they kiss the legs of the piyanno and mone for a fortnight after.

He looks more like a mopp than anything I think.

The Thrums

This dellightful little Creature is very retiring and knows a intervure direckly by his stelthy tredd. When he hears one he runs like litening and gets under the sofer-cushions or inside the peyanno or crawls in under the slates till it is all over. He use to live in a old licht-house once. He is a marvelus mixture of the most commical humour and the most beutiful paythoss. He is a reggular Ramsgitsingey at cricket. He was to have gone to Orstralia with M^r Stodert but they thought it was better for the Empire that he should not. You should see him snick them among the slippers (I hope that is right.) When he goes in to bat the fielders all come close up to him just to take hints in batting.

The Tobymp or Luciwits

This brilliant little Creature perches up in a gallery and peeps through the ralings and brings out the most wonderfull pennytrating notes. He prettends to be asleep but he is all the wide-awaker really. He has the most lovely head of hair—they say it is some kind of Essence what he has made up himself that makes it come so luxuryous. He rubs it into the members too sometimes but he has such a plessant skilful little way of doing it all round and just touching on the points of their bills that they rather like it I believe

The Weeda

This sentimentle little Animal is a most wonderfull disscriber—full of gaugeous colours. She has a terrible fassinating kind of hero who goes out to battle talking several langwages with a gardeeniya and lavinder kid gloves on and carrying a ormerlew lunch-basket inlade with plovers eggs. He makes little rings with his cigerret smoke while he conkuers the enemy. He is a mixture of Sandow and Cupid and Bobby Spencer and Richard Curdyleong. She is very kind hearted to other Animals. She was thought rather risky for girls-schools sometime ago untill all the M^rs Tankyrays started dragging their "parsts" about—then it didn't matter

The Tree

This pickturesk Creature moves about on the boards in the most undewlating graceful manner and likes to have a skillful lime-lite man who can follow him about and squirt it nicely all over his expreshun. He has b^uilt himself a gorgeous theertre called her magesty's because she dosnt never go near it. He is awfull good at maykupps. He likes to have no end of collums all about him. The Tadd has folded all his linen for him so nice that he looks just like a real Roman figure. What a washing-bill he must have with all those toegers and forums and things.

The Lorryit

This queer little Animal has got himself smotherd in with lorrels and he dosnt hardly ever show—there has been too much rime outside for him I expeckt. He is allways hearing voices what noboddy else can Once it was like wimmen and children screming out for help. Now it sounds like Ammerican. It says it wants to have done with its worn-out tail the tail of a anshent wrong (It doesnt seem to mean much—does it) When there is Royel babies going on he has to sepply the Royel familly with nice fresh odes and potery of a joyfull carecter—That is what he is for—it must be a dredfull life

The Ellen.

This gracefull and skittish little Animal is a wonder to behold. She never seems to get no older in spight of the lapps of time. When she gets playing with the Stagynite the congrigation go quite silly with rapcher and they go on till they make her come out and bob about and kiss her hands in the most commical fashen. She is a wonderfull good Porsher and she has got a very nice Oliviyer in stock too. As long as she doesnt get too kittenish there is noboddy cant do it like her

The Sarabee

This remarkeble Animal is the idle of the parizzians. It is very snakey and dramattick. It has the most blood-kerdling little ways of ettracting attenshen. When it travles it takes black tiegers and coffins and skellitens along with it to make peeple talk and shudder. It has a most lovly serching voise that is ordible in the cheap seats when you cant here a word the June premyier has got to say for himself. It is quite a sculpcher too in its way and has got a stewjio where it paints in trowsers That seems very forwerd and exentrick but we musnt be too sensurious I seppose

The Villistanph

This tewnful and most versytial little Animal is hily skild at every sought of mewsick. He keeps a quirefull of mewsickle arristicrats that call out Bach together. He persenally conduckts them through requiyumms and things and they get perple in the face trying to keep one eye on his conduckting-rod. It must be a great strane for the eyesite. He is awfull good at Irish Jiggs too—that must be a plesant change for them all after the congrigashen is all left.

The Octavus

This clever soshable Animle has got a mainyer for eights of everything. Eight gests—all sellybreighted—eight wines, eight wayters, eight o'clock and then they all corrusceight and sintilleight at him like anything. He will soon been a octyginnaryin all over—wont that be a dellite to him. Hes a extrordnary surgen so he knows all about joints and things and is wonderfull good at diyett. He spends all his spare time tickling up the palette. He is a grate bleever in creamashen and says we shall ^all come to it some day—I dont call that pollite, do you. I thaught that was riserved for those that is not regglar attenders at church or made faces at goveness.

The Phil

This commicle little Creature drors the hevenlyest picktures. He has made the portrets of all the eyleet of Petticote Lane. The critticks say he is a "masster of teckneek". It must be very nice to be called names like that—I never get it. He drors a mixtcher of Albut Dewra and Mr Sarjent and Sir Danniel Leeno. He oans a most bewtifull fringe that few can rivle. I didnt mean to give him sech a addulating when I started—I do hope it wont make him prowd and horty

The Wunnudiddit

This abnoxious little Animal is the anommylous auther of this Ceres. He got all in among the Stone Age once and kept all on doing the most ebsurd picktures He is a kind of Preestorick Pepys. They were a ruff lot acording to him they ocupide all there spare time chopping oneynother up and dodging the most lothsome lumpy Animals. These picktures is coming out in book-phorm now so this is the END. What a releef to crownd heads and others that has got left out and what a mersyful releese from his ettroshus stile of spelling. How dredfull plain he is too.