Note.—This department will be made a special feature of this publication. It will be conducted by Miss Shirley, whose remarkable ability to answer all questions, no matter how delicate the import, will be much appreciated, we feel sure, by all our readers, who need not hesitate to write her on any subject. Miss Shirley will have their interests at heart and never refuse her assistance or sympathy.
The following letters are a few which we have received from time to time, addressed to the editors of our different publications, the answers to which will be found interesting.
Street & Smith.
“My dear Miss Shirley, will you please answer this question? I would not dream of asking it if it was not such a serious matter. Is there any subject relating to matrimony and married life that is too indelicate for my fiance and myself to discuss before marriage? There are one or two things that I wish to settle, and my mother says I would be unmaidenly to even whisper them. Please give me your candid opinion on the subject.
“Lena W.”
Absolute confidence between engaged people and a perfect understanding of each other’s wishes and temperaments is the surest possible foundation for a successful marriage. The ignorance which is taken to the altar does not affect two people alone, but is perpetuated frequently for many generations, and is always accompanied with misunderstanding and misery. It is a mother’s part to look into such questions as have embarrassed my correspondent. Some mothers are sadly negligent in their duty towards their children. A little plain speech would have saved much suffering. All subjects are holy that have to do with the solemn obligations of matrimony.
“I have been engaged for three years and expect to be married next spring. Now that I am almost face to face with this change in my life that I have anticipated with so much pleasure, I am ashamed to confess that I almost dread it. I love my betrothed dearly, but I am so afraid that I shall not be happy when my whole existence is wrapped up in him and his affairs. All the time that we have been engaged I have seen other friends, and we have both gone out a great deal. When I become a married woman I am afraid that I shall find the monotony unbearable. Do you think that I am very wicked to feel so, and had I better postpone my marriage for a time?
“Alice D. K.”
Your diffidence is not an unusual feeling, nor one of which to be ashamed. No woman of delicate sensibilities can face so radical a change in her whole existence without nervousness.
Those who take such a matter calmly are thicker skinned than their sisters. There is no reason why the “monotony” should be unbearable. You and your husband can still enjoy the pleasures of society, but enjoy them together, and there is nothing more pleasant in life than the chat together after the ball or party or theatre. When you have both devoted yourselves to entertaining others for an evening you will be glad indeed to have your husband get your wrapper and slippers for you and to cuddle up on a cozy armchair and talk the evening’s events over with him before you sleep.
“I am in deep trouble and know of no one to turn to but you, dear Miss Shirley. I have been engaged to a young man for over a year, and we expected to be married this winter. Last night he told me that he did not want to marry me unless I knew everything about him, and then he told me that he had once stolen a large sum of money from his employer, and that he had been arrested, but his father paid the money back and he was released. Since then he has paid his father back and has been upright and made his way in the world; but it seems awful to me to marry a man with almost the shadow of a crime hanging over him. Won’t you tell me what you think about it?
“Minnie A.”
The poet says:
That a man has stepped aside and repented is the best possible proof of his integrity. If you cannot value a lover who is honest enough to want to come to you with his whole life open as a book for you to read, you cannot have much appreciation of true manliness. The man who can live down a thing like that and make his way in the world afterward is a man to be proud of, and we judge that he is well worthy of any girl’s true affection. If you loved him you would not hesitate a moment, but would help him to forget the past and to “go forward to meet the shadowy future without fear and with a manly heart.”
We wish that we knew the young man personally so that we could clasp his hand in friendship and tell him that we would stand by him in his earnest endeavor.
“I am at variance with my lover on a subject that I am afraid deeply concerns our future happiness. My lover is a Unitarian while I and my family have always been Episcopalians. We differ on religious matters now, and I am afraid that our differences will be more serious after marriage. My family and myself have all been at him to join our church, but he won’t do it.
“Ought I to insist upon his accepting my faith with me or should that be left open for discussion after we are married?
“Grace P.”
If the question of a belief is more important to you than the affection of your lover we advise you to relinquish him at once. True love will not let such subjects as religion or politics interfere with its tranquillity. No doubt your lover’s belief is quite as precious to him as yours is to you and if you cannot win him over by intelligent, kindly arguments you had better allow him to follow his own inclinations. Always remember that the right to disagree belongs to every individual, but there is no reason for such disagreement being a source of misery. In a general way, we would advise settling all such matters before marriage. Bickering is bad enough when people are not bound to each other by any tie, but it is ten-fold worse when there is a compact between them.
Your lover has as much right to his religious views as you have to yours, and the sooner you recognize that right—the sooner you will have proved your own true womanliness.
“I have always been called a ‘flirt’ by my girl friends just because I liked to have a good time with the boys. There are four or five of them now that want me to marry them, but there is only one that I really care anything about, and I’m not sure that I care anything for him. I do feel badly when I see him looking disconsolate when I am flirting with some one else, and I am always sorry when I have hurt his feelings.
“Do you think this is love, and if I married him, do you think I could be a good wife to him? I would not like to give him the worst of the bargain.
“Hattie B. S.”
Your letter seems to us to be a candid admission of your feelings. You do not state your age, but we should imagine that you were young and just a little foolish.
We hardly think you have experienced the feeling called love, although your evident pity for the one young man’s feelings is akin to the sentiment. You should endeavor to redeem your reputation at once as the sobriquet of “Flirt” is not very desirable. You will never win the love of a good man so long as you show that your nature is fickle. We should advise you to devote your time to your work or your books and try to develop your character. In this way you may be able to discover your exact feelings towards the young man whom you seem to prefer at present.
“In spite of the fact that I have steadily repulsed him, a young man of my acquaintance has stuck to me for months. I have told him plainly that I do not believe that I will ever really love any one, but he has persisted in showing me attention, and now I almost look to him for all my friendship, for the other men, I am sure, do not really care for me—they are just flirting like I am myself. I know this one would propose if I gave him the chance, but I won’t give him an opportunity unless I am going to accept him. Do you think I would be doing him an injury to marry him? I am not vicious, but I am afraid that I would want to flirt after marriage just the same as I do now.
“Olive W.”
By no means marry this young man until you are sure you love him. There have been too many of these uncertain marriages made already without your swelling the number.
A woman who would “flirt” after marriage must be terribly lacking in dignity, and if she does not respect herself she cannot expect to be respected. We should judge that the young man you speak of is a very nice person, and we sincerely hope for his sake that he will marry an honest, self-respecting woman.
“We live in the suburbs, and I have been coming to New York to matinees ever since I wore long dresses. I met a fellow at a continuous performance one afternoon, and we struck up an acquaintance.
“Since then I have corresponded with him and have met him in the city a number of times, and had luncheon with him. Now he wants me to go to the theatre with him some evening and spend the night at his boarding-place.
“I have met his landlady and she is simply lovely and I know she will see that I come to no harm. But would I be doing wrong to accept the invitation?
“Some of my girl friends say that I could not do worse, and some of them say that it is no worse to spend the night in the city than to spend the entire day—as I have done, several times.
“Won’t you please advise me, as I am only nineteen years old and realize that I can’t judge for myself.
“Isabel F. A.”
We cannot quite understand your letter, Isabel. In all our experience we have never heard of anything so extraordinary! If the young man you speak of was living at home with his mother and sisters, and it was their invitation we could find no fault with your staying under the same roof with your friend, but the idea of your staying at his boarding-house is beyond the bounds of respectability, and in spite of her smiles, no one would think worse of you than his landlady. The manner in which you met this young man is thoroughly unconventional. Be careful that your acquaintance with him does not terminate disastrously. You speak very truly when you say you “cannot judge for yourself,” but at nineteen years of age you should show more wisdom and discretion. We are inclined to be suspicious of this young man’s motives; but a girl who allows herself to be “picked up” at a continuous performance, as the saying is, can hardly expect to be treated any differently. You had better discontinue this acquaintance if you do not wish trouble.
“Do you object to advising a young man, Miss Shirley? I am nineteen years old and am engaged to be married. The girl I love is very large and stout, she weighs nearly 200. I weigh only 138, and that is what is the matter. Don’t you think I would be foolish to marry such a big girl, even if I do love her? What in the world would I do if she should grow any bigger? I’d look foolish and feel foolish every time I went out with her. Of course, I want to do what is right. I know she’d never get another fellow because of her size. Do you think I ought to marry her and be a martyr?
“James L.”
No, James, we do not advise you to play the “martyr,” but it is not altogether because of your sweetheart’s size, but because we are confident that you do not love her. Why, James, if you really loved her, you would be delighted to think there was so much of her! We are sorry for the girl, but we do not agree with you that she will never have another lover. We feel sure that some noble, honest fellow will fall in love with her some day and be more than glad to marry her in spite of her superfluous adipose tissue. We fancy your soul is about as small as your body. At any rate, you are sadly lacking in moral courage.
“I have a very serious question to ask you, dear Miss Shirley, it is this: Can a girl love two men and love them both sincerely? I have never heard of any one doing it, but I confess that this is exactly my predicament. I love two young men and could be happy with either of them. Do you think it better not to marry either, or would it be safe for me to marry the first one that asks me? I feel sure that they will both propose before long.
“Nina B.”
Your question does not impress us as being very serious. If you are so general in your affection you might toss up a cent to see which you should marry. Apparently you are easily pleased in the matter of a husband. For the sake of the young men, however, we trust you will not marry either one. If they are honest young men they each deserve a good wife, one who will love them and them alone, with true, loyal affection.
“The girls in the school that I attend all enjoy athletics, and we recently organized a football team. We wear a suit with trousers like the boys wear for the game with a short skirt over them that reaches almost to our knees. No one found any fault with our fun until this week when several of the more strait-laced people in the town complained to some of our parents that they thought it was immodest for us to go through the streets to the grounds where we play wearing our costume. Won’t you let me know what you think about it?
“Etta W.”
Dr. Mary Walker has worn trousers for years, and she is a very estimable woman, still we have never heard of her playing football. It does not seem to us to be objectionable at all, for trousers and short skirts are certainly very convenient and healthful. You did not say how old the girls in your school are, but if they are over sixteen we would certainly advise them to give up football. There are many other games just as healthful, and far more graceful. I hope you girls have not been trying to kick the knobs off of the gate posts as you went to and from your play. Girls who imitate boys are sometimes given to these pranks, and in that event we do not blame the natives for complaining.
“This seems almost a foolish subject for me to write to you about, Miss Shirley, but I hope you will find time to answer me. The young man whom I am engaged to simply hates pet animals. Now, I have a pet cat that I raised from a wee little kitten, and I love her and all animals dearly. Frank is always teasing her and grumbling if I pet her. I have been wondering if a man with this disposition would make a good husband. It seems absurd sometimes even to me to think it would make any difference in our married life, but I have thought about this one trait of his so much that I want to hear what your opinion is.
“Carrie S. S.”
We are very sorry indeed to learn of this trait in your betrothed. It shows a bad disposition to dislike animals, yet it does not always follow that a man will be unkind to a woman because of that trait in his disposition. Personally I would not have a man about who was unkind to animals, and I am inclined to think that such a man would be apt to make almost any woman unhappy. The poor animals suffer enough, and there is no one to protect them but ourselves. If we neglect this duty it seems to me that we are culpable and deserve, even if we do not receive, some severe form of punishment. We do not blame you at all for feeling as you do, and advise you to try and reform your lover, if possible.
“Please answer this question and oblige a constant reader: Is it proper to allow a young man to put his arm around you when you are riding in the surface cars or elevated, or when you are coming home from Coney Island on the boat. I have allowed my escort to do so several times, and some of my girl friends say that it looks very silly. I am in love with this young man and he is in love with me. Is there any harm in our showing our affection?
“Laura.”
The habit of hugging in public is certainly very bad taste, and we agree with your friends that it also looks silly. In the first place, unless the young man is engaged to you he has no right to embrace you at all, and you would be much more modest and ladylike if you refused to allow him such privileges in public. Embraces are but the demonstrations of holy affection. They should not be paraded before the eyes of the public.
“Do you think it is wrong for a married woman to engage in business? I have a desirable situation offered me, and am tempted to accept it, but my husband objects so decidedly that I have doubted the propriety of my idea of working. My husband seems to feel that I have no right to work, and says that he will not live with me if I do.
“We have no children and I would be glad of the occupation. Please let me have your advice on the matter.
“Mrs. Ella W.”
We see no harm in your engaging in business with your husband’s consent, but if he does not wish it and can provide well for you without, we should certainly advise you to yield to his wishes. Married women can discover many home occupations and amusements, and in other ways develop their minds and talents. There is no necessity for home life becoming monotonous. The question of propriety does not enter into the subject. Consider your husband’s wishes because you love him and do not disagree with him unless it is a matter of principle. What did you marry him for if you wanted to go into business? If he had desired a business woman for a wife he would probably have married one.
“I am eighteen years of age and am very much in love with a young man, but there are several things about him which annoy me exceedingly, and I hope you will be kind enough to give me your opinion. This young man wears very good clothing, but when we go out together I frequently notice that his garments need brushing, his linen is soiled and his finger nails are in a dreadful condition. Are these faults serious, or are they only trifles? I have been brought up to be very particular, but I do not intend to be over-fastidious. Ought not a man to always be clean shaven when he goes out with a lady?
“Arabella W.”
We can understand your feelings perfectly, my dear girl, for there is hardly anything more repulsive than uncleanly habits. It is possible the young man has had no training in this direction, but, of course, this does not excuse him entirely. We would advise you to use a little tact in throwing out hints.
Speak admiringly of the neat habits of others whom you meet, and see if you cannot awaken him to a sense of his own shortcomings. If he does not mend his ways, and you really intend to marry him, we should advise you to call his attention to each defect, kindly and considerately. If he becomes indignant and refuses to yield to your suggestions, we would certainly advise you to give him up. “Cleanliness is next to godliness,” and it is much easier to acquire. There is no excuse for either man or woman possessing uncleanly habits.
“A young man whom I have known for a month has asked me to marry him. He is handsome and agreeable, and I love him dearly. Do you think it is wrong to marry on such short acquaintance? He is nearly six feet tall and looks lovely on horseback. It will break my heart if you advise me not to marry him.
“Lida D. B.”
Poor Lida! We feel sorry for you, but what can we say? We have no desire to break your heart, but if we answer you at all we must try to speak honestly.
Because a man is “six feet tall” and looks “lovely on horseback,” you must not take it for granted that he will make a good husband. It would be far better for you to endeavor to find out about his character and ability to support you before you fall so completely into the toils. We have seen many short acquaintances turn out satisfactorily, but we do not think it wise to enter into so important an alliance rashly unless each has previously been aware of the good character of the other. Try to curb your impressionable heart, Lida, until you are sure the young man is worthy of you.
“I have been engaged to be married for nearly three years, but am beginning to despair of the marriage ever being consummated. The young man to whom I am engaged is a very closemouthed person, and I cannot find out what business he is engaged in, but every time I hint at matrimony he pleads poverty as an excuse for deferring the ceremony. I have seen him with fifty dollars in his pocket several times. Is not this enough to pay for a wedding?
“Sarah B.”
We judge by your letter that the young man is not very deeply in love with you, and the fact that he does not tell you his business looks very suspicious. If a man has not sufficient confidence in you to tell you by what vocation he earns his living we should advise you to let him go and turn your attention to some one who is more open and candid. Fifty dollars will pay the minister, buy the ring, and furnish a supper, but it will not go far after the festivities are over. If that is the most he can call his own at any one time he is hardly in a position to take upon himself the responsibilities of a husband.
“Will you kindly do me the favor to answer the following questions? Does a naturally domineering man grow more gentle after marriage, and would you advise a young girl to marry a person with this disposition?
“Addie S.”
Domineering men are sometimes made gentle by love, but, as a rule, matrimony only aggravates such a nature. A man who will dictate to a woman before marriage is quite likely to prove a tyrant after. We know of no habit that is much harder to cure than this, and would consider matrimony a very heroic measure. It would be much better for you to treat the disease with dignity and firmness before marriage and note the results. When you are once married it will be too late to experiment.
MY QUEEN.
- 1—From Farm to Fortune; or, Only a Farmer’s Daughter.
- 2—Marion Marlowe’s Courage; or, A Brave Girl’s Struggle for Life and Honor.
- 3—Marion Marlowe’s True Heart; or, How a Daughter Forgave.
- 4—Marion Marlowe’s Noble Work; or, The Tragedy at the Hospital.
- 5—Marion Marlowe Entrapped; or, The Victim of Professional Jealousy.
- 6—Marion Marlowe’s Peril; or, A Mystery Unveiled.
Back numbers always on hand. If you cannot get our publications from your newsdealer, five cents a copy will bring them to you, by mail, postpaid.
MY QUEEN
CONTAINING THE FAMOUS
Marion Marlowe Stories
MARION MARLOWE is a beautiful and ambitious farmer’s daughter, who goes to the great metropolis in search of fame and fortune. One of the most interesting series of stories ever written; each one complete in itself, and detailing an interesting episode in her life.
Published Weekly. Edited by Grace Shirley.
CATALOGUE
- 1—From Farm to Fortune; or, Only a Farmer’s Daughter.
- 2—Marion Marlowe’s Courage; or, A Brave Girl’s Struggle for Life and Honor.
- 3—Marion Marlowe’s True Heart; or, How a Daughter Forgave.
- 4—Marion Marlowe’s Noble Work; or, The Tragedy at the Hospital.
- 5—Marion Marlowe Entrapped; or, The Victim of Professional Jealousy.
- 6—Marion Marlowe’s Peril; or, A Mystery Unveiled.
- 7—Marion Marlowe’s Money; or, Brave Work in the Slums.
- 8—Marion Marlowe’s Cleverness; or, Exposing a Bold Fraud.
- 9—Marion Marlowe’s Skill; or, A Week as a Private Detective.
- 10—Marion Marlowe’s Triumph; or, In Spite of Her Enemies.
- 11—Marion Marlowe’s Disappearance; or, Almost a Crime.
- 12—Marion Marlowe in Society; or, A Race for a Title.
Thirty-two pages, and beautiful cover in colors. Price, five cents per copy. For sale by all newsdealers.
STREET & SMITH, Publishers,
238 William Street, New York City.
Transcriber’s Notes
Minor punctuation and printer errors repaired.