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Ole Mars an' Ole Miss

Chapter 17: DAT CHRISMUS CAKE.
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About This Book

A series of rural sketches and vignettes captures life on Maryland's Eastern Shore through vernacular narration that blends humor, folklore, sermons, songs, debates, and doggerel. The pieces portray seasonal work, gardens, hunts, church meetings, and domestic scenes, offering varied portraits of community customs, beliefs, and speech. The book alternates short stories and comic pieces with reflective sermons and lyrical descriptions of landscape and household life, using archly rendered dialect to evoke characters and local color while shifting between playful anecdote and earnest moral reflection.

DAT CHRISMUS CAKE.

Scipio Jones say dey gwine ter hab uh cake walk
An’ uh hus’in’ Mars John’s cawn—it wuz ev’ybody’s talk,
So dey ’pinted uh cummittee ter ’quire ’bout de cake
Ter be raal sho’ dat Scipio wuz makin’ no mustake.
He al’ays foun’ out ev’yt’ing, an’ yet he wuz no good,
An’ ef’n he tried ter tell de truf, wuz nebber ondastood;
Fuh de ghoses an’ de witches he lubbed ter talk erbout
Wuz al’ays in de cow’s hohns when udder people out.
De cummittee went uh ’quirin’ an’ dey foun’ dat Sistuh Chew
Had tole de plum-cake secret ter only one er two;
An’ Scipio he lis’en while she milk de cows an’ say
Dat Mistis gwine ter meck uh cake dat’s walked fuh Chrismus Day.
So Mistis mixed de Chrismus cake an’ fill it full ub plums,
An’ Scipio look in de stobe an’ stuck in it his thum’s.
De heat wuz so ornple’sant an’ bu’n dat roscal so
He scream an’ cry, “Aunt Phillis cool de thum’s ub Scipio.”
When Mistis saw de Chrismus cake an’ heahd ’bout dem thum’s
She say, “Dat niggah Scipio shan’t ebin hab de crum’s;”
An’ when dat walk wuz ober you cud see rite on he face—
Don’ stick yo’ thum’s in plum cake an’ git yo’sef disgrace.
Da ain’ no use ub talkin’; it’s al’ays out ub place
Ter stick yo’ thum’s in anyt’ing ter ebin git uh tase—
Ornless you bin inwited, an’ den it’s al’ays bes’
Ter wait an’ hab cool fingahs an’ eat wid all de res’.