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Point Lace and Diamonds

Chapter 49: moral.
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About This Book

A lively assortment of comic and lyrical poems that satirize fashionable society, courtship, and domestic ritual while mixing sentimental and whimsical observation. Short verses mock youthful affectation and social pretension, narrative lyrics stage romantic evenings and public ceremonies, and a linked trilogy on marriage traces engagement, the wedding, and married life with ironic distance. Imagery moves from park waltzes and lantern-lit nights to parlor scenes and moral musings, and the tone shifts between playful wit, gentle nostalgia, and pointed irony. The sequence alternates brisk epigrams and longer narrative stanzas, presenting varied rhythms and a conversational, urbane voice.

"YES, JACK, THERE WAS MY BRUNETTE."Page 77.

FROST-BITTEN.


A SONG.


OLD PHOTOGRAPHS.

"HOW THE OLD PORTRAITS TAKE YOU BACK."Page 83.

"LE DERNIER JOUR D'UN CONDAMNÉ."

Old coat, for some three or four seasons
We've been jolly comrades, but now
We part, old companion, forever;
To fate, and the fashion, I bow.
You'd look well enough at a dinner,
I'd wear you with pride at a ball;
But I'm dressing to-night for a wedding—
My own—and you'd not do at all.
You've too many wine-stains about you,
You're scented too much with cigars,
When the gas-light shines full on your collar,
It glitters with myriad stars,
That wouldn't look well at my wedding;
They'd seem inappropriate there—
Nell doesn't use diamond powder,
She tells me it ruins the hair.

CHRISTMAS GREENS.

Oh, Lowbury pastor is fair and young,
By far too good for a single life,
And many a maiden, saith gossip's tongue,
Would fain be Lowbury pastor's wife:
So his book-marks are 'broidered in crimson and gold,
And his slippers are, really, a "sight to behold."
That's Lowbury pastor, sitting there
On the cedar boughs by the chancel rails;
His face is clouded with carking care,
For it's nearly five, the daylight fails—
The church is silent,—the girls all gone,
And the Christmas wreaths not nearly done.
"A LADY IN SEALSKIN—EYES OF BLUE,
AND TANGLED TRESSES OF SNOW-FLECKED GOLD."Page 89.

LAKE MAHOPAC—SATURDAY NIGHT.

"Yes, I'm here, I suppose you're delighted:
You'd heard I was not coming down!
Why I've been here a week!—'rather early'—
I know, but it's horrid in town
A Boston? Most certainly, thank you.
This music is perfectly sweet;
Of course I like dancing in summer;
It's warm, but I don't mind the heat.
The clumsy thing! Oh! how he hurt me!
I really can't dance any more—
Let's walk—see, they're forming a Lancers;
These square dances are such a bore.
"BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO SIT ON THE RAILING—
YOU SEE THERE IS ONLY ONE CHAIR."Page 92.

MATINAL MUSINGS.

Ten o'clock! Well, I'm sure I can't help it!
I'm up—go away from the door!
Now, children, I'll speak to your mother
If you pound there like that any more.
How tired I do feel?—Where's that cushion?—
I don't want to move from this chair;
I wish Marie'd make her appearance!
I really can't do my own hair.
I wish I'd not danced quite so often—
I knew I'd feel tired! but it's hard
To refuse a magnificent dancer
If you have a place left on your card.

A ROMANCE OF THE SAW-DUST.

Suthin' to put in a story!
I couldn't think of a thing,
'N' it's nigh unto thirty year now
Since fust I went in the ring.
"The life excitin'?" Thunder!
"Variety," did you say?
You must have cur'us notions
'Bout circuses, anyway.
The things that look so risky
Aint nothin' to us but biz.
"Accidents"—falls and sich like?
Sometimes, in course, there is.
But it's only a slip, or a stumble,
Some feller laid out flat,
It don't take more'n a second;
There aint no story in that.
'N' like as not, the tumble
Don't do no harm at all:
There's one gal here—I tell yer,
She got an awful fall.
You know her—Ma'am'selle Ida—
She's Jimmy Barnet's wife,
The prettiest little woman
You ever see in your life.
They was lovers when they was young uns,
No more'n two hands high.
She nussed Jim through a fever once,
When the doctors swore he'd die.
I taught 'em both the motions;
She never know'd no fear,
And they've done the trapeze together
For more'n a couple o' year.
Last Summer we took on a Spaniard,
A mis'rable kind of cuss,
Spry feller—but awful tempered,
Always a-makin' a fuss.
He wanted to marry Ida—
His chance was pretty slim,
He did his best, but bless yer,
She'd never go back on Jim.
He acted up so foolish,
That Jim, one day, got riled
'N' guv him a reg'lar whalin';
That druv the Spaniard wild.
He talked like he was crazy,
'N' raved around, and swore
He'd kill 'em both; but Jim just laughed—
He'd heer'd such talk before.
One day, when we was showin'
In a little country town,
Jim mashed his hand with a hatchet,
Drivin' a tent stake down.
He couldn't work that night, nohow,
But the "trap" hed got to be done.
The Spaniard said he'd try it—
'N' they had to take him or none.
I knew Jim didn't like it,
'N' Ide looked scared and white—
"Look out for me, boys," she whispered,
"I'm goin' to fall to-night;"
Then she looked up with a shiver,
At the trapeze swingin' there,
A couple of bars and a rope or two
Forty feet up in the air.
But up she clumb—he arter—
Stood up, but how Ide shook,
Then the Spaniard yelled like a devil,
"Now look, Jim Barnet!—look!"—
With that he jumped 'n' gripped her;
She fought, but he broke her hold,
Grabbed at the rope, 'n' missed it—
Off of the bar they rolled,
Clinched, 'n' Ide a screamin';
Thud!—they struck the ground;
I turned all sick and dizzy,
'N' everything went round.
How still it were for a second!—
It seemed like an hour—'n' then
The women was all a screechin',
'N' the ring was full of men.
Poor Jim was stoopin' to lift her,
But flopped right down, 'n' said,
Sez he, "Her lips is movin'!
She's breathin'!—She isn't dead!"
For sure!—he'd fallen under;
It kinder broke her fall;
Except the scare and a broken arm,
She wasn't hurt at all.
"The Spaniard?" Oh, it killed him;
It broke his cussed neck.
But nobody cried their eyes out,
As near as I reckeleck.
She married Jim soon arter,
They're doin' the trapeze still;
So, yer see, as I was sayin',
These falls don't always kill.
'N' as for things excitin'
To put in a story,—well,
I'd really like to oblige yer,
But then there aint nothin' to tell.

PYROTECHNIC POLYGLOT.

(Madison Square, July 4.)


FISHING.

"Harry, where have you been all morning?"
"Down at the pool in the meadow-brook."
"Fishing?" "Yes, but the trout were wary,
Couldn't induce them to take a hook."
"Why, look at your coat! You must have fallen,
Your back's just covered with leaves and moss."
How he laughs! Good-natured fellow!
Fisherman's luck makes most men cross.
"READING? YES, BUT NOT FROM A NOVEL;
FISHING! TRULY, BUT NOT WITH A ROD."Page 109.

NOCTURNE.


AUTO-DA-FÉ

(he explains.)

Oh, just burning up some old papers,
They do make a good deal of smoke:
That's right, Dolly, open the window;
They'll blaze if you give them a poke.
I've got a lot more in the closet;
Just look at the dust! What a mess!
Why, read it, of course, if you want to,
It's only a letter, I guess.

(she reads.)

There, stop! That'll do—yes, I own it—
But, dear, I was young then, you know.
I wrote that before we were married;
Let's see—why, it's ten years ago!
You remember that night, at Drake's party,
When you flirted with Dick all the time?
I left in a state quite pathetic,
And went home to scribble that rhyme.

AN AFTERTHOUGHT.


REDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM.


THE MOTHERS OF THE SIRENS.