THE TRAINING OF CHILDREN
The Child an Imitator
Imitation is the basis of all education; it is instruction through action. Especially so is this in the case of young children. The tiny infant lying so snugly within his mother’s arms, knows nothing of the “why and wherefore” of this world. It is content, and as long as its physical wants are looked after, it matters not. Toward the ending of the first year it begins to take notice, and we see the fond mother teaching her darling to shake bye-bye, play pat-a-cake, and to throw a kiss from his tiny fingers. All these gestures are mere imitations of what he sees. He hasn’t the slightest idea of the meaning of it all. Later the infant will imitate the noise of the “bow-wow,” the “moo-cow” and he will do his best to “mew” like a cat. These, too, are imitations of what he hears and are of importance in its development.
An interesting story is told of a young mother who took great pains to teach her first little one to lisp “Da-Da” at the approach of its father. The mother succeeded admirably and the fond father never got tired of hearing his little one utter this new name of his. What was their utter dismay when one day a despicable looking tramp came to the door and the little one insisted in holding out its arms to him and fondly calling him “Da-Da.” We can easily see that the early knowledge of a child is an imitation of what he sees and hears and you, watchful mother, must always keep the watchwords, “what he sees” and “what he hears” ever before you, and let it be the keynote of all early training.
It is always interesting to watch children at play; more so when they are playing “house” or some other amusement relative to home life. Have you not noticed how the little girl will assume the manner and actions of her own mother? Supposedly, the “dolly” has been taken suddenly ill and the doctor has been sent for. It is a most critical case and the little boy who is playing doctor will knit and pucker up his brow and will imitate the solemnity and dignity of the professional man most vividly. He even tries to make his voice lower and gruffer in tone, so as to make the “doctor” more real. Yes, children in their play are prime representatives of realities and are often good teachers in some respects, for they are not only good imitators but good observers.
CHILD’S FUTURE MOLDED BY EXAMPLE
Everything to a child is a model of manner, of gesture, of speech, of habit, of character. Let these models be of the highest type. If we would have fine characters we must necessarily present before children fine models. The model the child constantly has in his mind’s eye is the mother. She it is through the example she provides who sets the standard for the child’s future. The child comes into the world with its plastic mind open to all impressions and these it receives and retains by outside forces. It is a very poor plan to take children to a theatre. They cannot help but hear and see things which will cause them often to imitate, and which may result in disaster.
A true story is told of a boy, ten years old, who was taken by his mother to see a show. During the play the audience was treated to an exciting domestic quarrel on the stage. One of the characters, a young boy, was supposed to protect his mother by shooting an intruder. The boy was applauded by the audience, which plainly showed they considered him a hero. Henry, for this was the boy’s name who was witnessing the play, was carried away with all that he saw and decided that he, too, would deal likewise to anyone who would harm his mother. Some weeks later a peddler came to his mother’s house and insisted that she buy some of his wares. She told him she didn’t care for any, but the peddler’s voice was rather loud and he seemed very persistent. Henry, hearing it all, thought the time had come to imitate the actor’s bravery. He turned to a drawer, took his father’s pistol and without one moment’s reflection shot the peddler, but, fortunately, did not kill him. This plainly shows what imitation in the young mind can lead to.
Example is far better than precept. In the face of bad example, the best of precepts are of little use. Can you expect a child who constantly sees before him ignorance, coarseness and selfishness, to grow up anything more than the reflection of these faults?
It sometimes happens that a child brought up under these circumstances finds himself, in adult life, placed amidst other scenes. He immediately sees the difference and compares his training to those around him. If he is ambitious and wants to change his mode of life, he has to commence all over again his work of imitation. He has reason with him now to help him, yet he will at first find it uphill work; but when he succeeds, he will be the much better man. Should a child when he reaches adult age care not to pluck these traits from his character, he becomes at once a rude, dangerous member to society and a grievance to those with whom he comes in contact.
Too much care cannot be taken in teaching the children the avoidance of sham. This must especially be insisted on in the matter of dress. Most all of us are fond of “fine raiment,” and we cannot help but feel that appearances play an important part in life. It must be the avoidance of imitating of finery and the adoption of the substantial in dress, that we must teach our children.
GLITTERING IMITATIONS A SERIOUS EVIL
In the matter of dress, girls are more influenced by its grandeur than are boys, and the wise mother will do well to teach her daughter simplicity in everything. Never allow her to wear imitations of precious stones or jewelry. This is not only bad taste, but it is a bad habit to form. Many a poor girl has fallen from grace just through the love of glittering baubles. Teach her never to rouge her cheeks or use cosmetics. If Nature has not given her a perfect complexion, she can never get it by imitation. “You can’t cheat Nature,” but you can aid it. Have her imitate God’s creatures by copying cleanliness, simple eating and regular habits. She may not get a faultless complexion—few people have this gift—but she can get that soft texture of skin, that buoyancy of spirit, that brightness of eye with the soul showing through. Let these be her models and the imitation will be of real worth.
GUIDANCE IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION
While the imitation of dress and the lighter vanities of life are more indulged in by the girl, the boy also is a decided imitator in other weaknesses. A boy will imitate any quality which he thinks manly. Would that the points they imitate deserved this name, but most of the things they copy are those which will sooner or later, make slaves of them. How early we see the tiny tot of three or four years placing a piece of stick or anything which resembles a cigar, between his lips. Watch him puff at it; see him imitate the strut of a man. This sometimes appears comical, and the child is often prevailed upon to show how clever he is. Alas, this is only the first attempt to imitate the manly arts, and if not guided in the right direction his imitations may become a tragedy instead of a comedy.
By imitation of acts the character becomes slowly and imperceptibly, but at length decidedly formed. Do not think, mother, that because your child is young it cannot judge. In this you are greatly mistaken. Children are very clever judges and especially do they see through any inconsistency. They hear you say: “You mustn’t do thus and so.” What do you think is in their childish minds when they discover you doing it? Children do not appreciate the motto which the preacher gave to his congregation: “Do as I say, not as I do.” No, indeed, they follow the example. The precept is forgotten.
The habits, which are our constant companions and followers through life, are based on imitation. If good habits are to be formed, childhood is the time to plant them. You cannot begin too early. The little tot who sees her mother throw down her belongings cannot be expected to take care of her playthings, nor, as she grows up, to be neat and tidy. Order is Heaven’s first law and the successful mother will start with having a place for everything and have everything in its place.
GOOD MANNERS AND SOCIAL ETIQUETTE
The demeanor of a child is also a vast reflector of home training. You cannot always teach morals by imitation, but you can the custom of manners and social etiquette. In the primitive appetites of eating and drinking, imitation is a very strong force. How easily a little child will imitate the smacking of lips after some article of diet especially enjoyed. How easily he comes to use his knife in conveying food to his mouth, if he has seen this performance. How anxious he is to rush from the table as soon as he has finished eating. These, and many other breaches of good manners, I am sorry to say, come as a result of seeing others do likewise.
It is our duty to read up on all manners and customs of etiquette. The mother must acquaint herself with all its details; then your child will be a credit as well as a joy to his parents.
One of the best illustrations of the power of imitation is in the way the deaf are taught. The natural way of speaking any language is by hearing; by trying to imitate the sounds which are made. In the case of the deaf, they learn their expression of thought through imitation entirely, the lips and gestures of the hands and fingers being the only source of communication.
We have learned that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. So long as this imitation is of sterling value, let us all become flatterers. Let us flatter Love, which lightens labor. Let us flatter Care by crowning and beautifying its rugged and repellant features. Let us all endeavor to flatter the serenity of Life by being constantly on the outlook for the foes without and the foes within—the “little foxes that seek to destroy the vines.”