DEVELOPING MORAL CHARACTER
The whole field of our obligation both positive and negative; that is, the “I oughts” and the “I ought nots”; what we ought to do and what we ought to avoid; our duty toward ourselves, our duty toward mankind and our duty toward God, come to us through what we term moral or ethical science. A mental construction having as its basis purity and duty. When the moral nature is cultivated and developed it controls every action of man, radiating from the individual to society and from society back again to the individual.
We study moral science in order that we may conduct ourselves properly in all relations of life; that we may be inwardly pure and outwardly moral; that we may be harmonious in our mental construction and in our relations with the world. It is true that we may attain some degree of morality without giving it especial study, just as we may live in the world and perform the ordinary work of life without scholastic learning. There is a natural desire for knowledge—we seek a rational account of things. Moral science endeavors to give us this rational account of moral conduct which we find everywhere in some form, to correct and improve it, to elevate and purify our moral ideals.
HOME THE PLACE FOR STUDY
We know of no more appropriate place for the practical beginning of this most important duty than in the home. The influence of the parents’ character upon the children cannot be estimated. Everything that we come in contact with has a certain influence upon us. A man took a political paper only to laugh at it, but he read the same theories over and over until at length they became truths to him. As the constant dropping of water will wear away the stone, so will constant association have an everlasting influence upon the character. It may be changed—either elevated or degraded—but it never can be destroyed.
Every child is born with a natural temperament or disposition, which is the product of two elementary factors. (1) Inheritance—those qualities which are transmitted by nature from one’s ancestors and (2) maternal impression—the impression made upon the plastic brain of the foetus. The first comes from generations of ancestry, whereas the last is entirely dependent upon the mother; the influence of what she sees, what she hears and what she thinks. These qualities combine for good or for bad, to influence the life of the child.
Fortunate indeed is the child who is well born, but doubly fortunate is he who may also be well trained.
IMPRESSIONS MADE BY THE EYE
The home is the true soil for the cultivation of virtue. Mere cultivation of intellect has little influence upon character. Most of the principles of character are implanted in the home and not in the school. Children are more apt to learn through the eye than through the ear. That which is seen makes a much deeper impression on the mind than that which is read or heard, and that which they see they will unconsciously imitate.
Notice the little mannerisms of your children. It may be a way of walking, or a twist of the mouth or an accent. How easily you can detect the origin! Therefore it behooves parents to place before their children examples of character that as nearly as possible approach perfection. Whatever benefit there is derived from the schools, the examples set in the home are of far greater influence in forming the character of our future men and women.
THE HOME THE SOCIAL CENTER
The home is the center of social and national character and from that source issues the habits, principles and maxims that govern public as well as private life. Examples of conduct even in apparently trivial matters are of great importance, inasmuch as they are to become interwoven with the lives of others and contribute to the formation of the character for better or for worse.
We have first certain implanted principles of involuntary action. They are the appetites which are tendencies toward things for bodily life and continuance; the desires which are tendencies toward things necessary for mental life and development, and the affections which are tendencies toward social life and welfare.
The appetites are cravings produced by recurring wants and needs necessary to the body and are seven in number: hunger, thirst, sex, sleep, rest, exercise and air—all of which are necessary for our animal existence. The appetites play a strong part even in our social and moral life, and they may be lifted up to a higher plane of moral action or they may be drawn down to a mere brute impulse. Every gift of the body and soul can be moralized for good.
APPETITE AS A FACTOR IN CHARACTER
The higher moral attainment rests in and arises out of the physical nature. The intellect and the moral structure can be no greater than the foundation will allow. The appetites are attended by an uneasy sensation which incites action. There is no moral quality in the appetites themselves, as can be seen in the brute, but in man with his higher gifts they become important factors of his moral character. They not only impel him to action, but bring him into relationship with the material world and with his fellowmen.
The pleasures accompanying the appetite are legitimate and useful in their proper indulgence, and are necessary to life and existence. The child, naturally born, will soon display the uneasiness naturally attendant upon the appetites and it is the duty of the mothers to supply the needs in a careful, intelligent manner. A child may be so bodily impoverished that he will become a moral degenerate, so we would impress the greatest importance upon the bodily care of the child.
STORY OF THE TWO BROTHERS
The case is recalled of a young mother who had two sons, the younger of whom was a healthy, rosy little lad, while the elder was thin and delicate. The healthy boy ate heartily of all that was served him, while the delicate boy only ate choice bits of food and constantly indulged in sweets. The mother praised the healthy boy and showed her disappointment that the elder was not like his brother. Suddenly the family noticed the thin boy was getting stouter and they all told him how pleased they were, and the mother was beginning to feel very happy when to her dismay she discovered that he had padded himself. Her heart was touched with pity when she thought of the pathos in his little mind that prompted him to resort to such measures. The boy was acting a falsehood in order to meet his mother’s approval. This may have all been prevented had the mother sought to ascertain the cause of the poor appetite and supplied the remedy. Had she taken the time to explain to him food values and the necessity of fresh air and exercise, seeing that he availed himself of them, this desire to deceive would probably never have arisen.
The appetite of sex bears the same relation to the continuance of the species as the other appetites bear to the well-being of the body. The family based first on natural love is essential to the existence and development of man. Afterward paternal and maternal love are added and then come all the wider affections toward mankind.
APPETITE MAY BE ACQUIRED
We not only have the natural appetites but the acquired appetites, which are related to desires but in their action they are like original appetites. Artificial appetites may be inherited. This is especially true in the case of the children of the drunkard, opium taker and tobacco user. This is probably due to the effect upon the nervous system, and it is, as a rule, for the effect upon the nervous system that these things are taken. Or, they may be acquired by the individual’s deficiency of self-control and a natural inclination on his part to act the braggadocio or abandon, deluding himself that he is acting manly, and endeavoring to create a like impression upon others.
THE PERIOD OF “COLTISHNESS”
This disposition is always more or less present in children, and particularly so in youth. It would appear in the minds of a great many there is the necessity of a period of coltishness through which we all must pass, and during which there would seem no help for us but a free rein and copious mother-tears. As the world is growing wiser and better, and as we all are coming to recognize this improvement of conditions, these fatuous delusions are losing ground and now instead of it appearing “big” to the child or youth to do those “smart” things, he is beginning to realize that his standing in the community and the respect which he wishes to command, must be governed wholly by the qualities of manliness and gentility of which he is possessed.
It is a failing on our part individually to look upon our own as good and all others as bad, where there is a difference, and however comforting this may be to us, we must face the question squarely—that there is just about as much bad in one as there is in the other. The scales may not always balance in such a comparison, but usually they will very nearly do so. The virtues which are possessed by different individuals may not always be the same, but they always make up for the more or less patent deficiencies.
For instance, our attention was once called to a very lovable young man, weak in character and somewhat dissipated, who was so sympathetic that he would show the deepest solicitude for the poor and helpless child, the dumb brute in its sufferings, or the poor wounded bird. Had the character of this young man been properly trained in the days of his childhood, no thought would have been given by him to those things resulting in dissipation, but that natural energy of young manhood would otherwise have found vent, and have been a great good and a great blessing.
SUBJUGATION OF THE APPETITE
The appetites are not to be eradicated but to be restrained and kept in subjection to their proper ends. The desires are in many ways analogous to the appetites, hence the common expression we “hunger” and “thirst” for knowledge, or power, or any of the so-called six original desires—knowledge, society, love, power, superiority and possession. All proper desires end in their proper objects and seek nothing more. We may seek knowledge whereby we may control and elevate the natural qualities we possess and make safe our influence upon others: or again we may seek knowledge out of vanity for the means of display.
Social life is the chief sphere of our activities and improvements, without which the moral nature could not be developed. But then we may desire society for purely selfish motives, as the child may seek a playmate merely that he may himself be amused, not that he may give pleasure to the other child. The disposition to be loved and esteemed appears very early in childhood. It is considered a mark of bad character to be careless of the regard of others. A moralist once said: “A young man is not far from ruin when he can say without blushing, ‘I don’t care what others think of me’,” and on the other extreme esteem may be craved to such an extent that it may lead to hypocrisy and deceit.
PROPER APPLICATION OF OUR DESIRES
So on through the whole list of desires both natural and acquired, we have the benefits of their proper application and the sorrows and discomforts of their abuses. “Place even the highest-minded philosopher in the midst of daily discomfort, immorality and vileness, and he will insensibly gravitate toward brutality. How much more susceptible is the impressionable and helpless child amid such surroundings! It is not possible to rear a kindly nature, sensitive to evil, pure in mind and heart, amidst coarseness, discomfort and impurity.”
It is said that “the highest of our joys are found in the affections,” but because the appetites and desires seem primarily intended for the existence of our nature it does not follow that they are selfish. We would never know that we needed to take food were it not for the implanted appetite. We would never know that we needed to seek knowledge were it not for implanted desires, nor would we ever be led to deeds of love and sympathy were it not for the implanted affections.
SOWING SEEDS OF KINDLINESS
Good and friendly conduct may meet with an unworthy and ungrateful return, but the absence of gratitude on the part of the receiver cannot destroy the self-approbation which compensates the giver, and we can scatter the seeds of courtesy and kindliness around us at so little expense. Some of them will inevitably fall on good ground and grow up into benevolence in the minds of others, and all of them will bear fruits of happiness in the bosom whence they sprang.
Bentham says that “a man becomes rich in his own stock of pleasures in proportion to the amount he distributes to others. Kind words cost no more than unkind words. Kind words produce kind actions, not only on the part of him to whom they are addressed, but on the part of him by whom they are employed; and this not incidentally only, but habitually, in virtue of the principle of association. It may indeed happen that the effort of beneficence may not benefit those for whom it was intended, but when wisely directed it must benefit the person from whom it emanates.”
A well-known author tells a story of a little girl, a great favorite with every one who knew her. “Why does everybody love you so much?” She answered, “I think it is because I love everybody so much.” This little story is capable of a very wide application; for our happiness as human beings, generally speaking, will be found to be very much in proportion to the number of things we love, and the number of things that love us. The greatest worldly success, however honestly achieved, will contribute comparatively little to happiness unless it be accompanied by a lively benevolence toward every human being.
RESENTMENT AGAINST INJUSTICE
Then we have with the kindly affections the defensive affection—resentment, the spontaneous uprising of our natures against harm and injury. It meets impending danger in an instant—not only personal danger, but is present in our relations with others; as the mother repels harm from her child. The resentment against wrong and injustice should be taught as a righteous and noble attainment, but the abuses are equally dangerous.
The mother will do well to explain to the child the different qualities of this attainment. That quality which will protect him from wrong and injury and which is excited by cruelty and injustice on the one side, and on the other side the abuses which are passion and peevishness. Teach him that the giving away to sudden fits of anger stamps him as being ill-bred and peevishness is a sign of weak character; both of which are diseases that if not cured will tend to destroy the moral structure.
There is more virtue in one sunbeam than a whole hemisphere of clouds and gloom. Therefore, look on the bright side of things. Cultivate what is warm and genial—not the cold and repulsive, the dark and morose. Don’t neglect your duty; live down prejudice.
THE JOYS OF CHEERFULNESS
Cheerfulness! How sweet in infancy, how lovely in youth, how saintly in age! There are a few noble natures whose very presence carries sunshine with them wherever they go; a sunshine which means pity for the poor, sympathy for the suffering, help for the unfortunate, and benignity toward all. How such a face enlivens every other face it meets, and carries into every one vivacity, joy and gladness.
At the same time, life will always be to a large extent what we make it. Each mind makes its own little world. The cheerful mind makes it pleasant, the discontented mind makes it miserable. “My mind to me a kingdom is,” applies alike to the peasant and the monarch. Life is, for the most part, but the mirror of our own individual selves.
PRINCIPLE AND CONSCIENCE
The true character acts rightly, whether in secret or in the sight of others. That boy was well trained who, when asked why he did not pocket some pears, for nobody was there to see, replied: “Yes, there was; I was there to see myself; and I don’t intend ever to see myself do a dishonest thing.” This is a simple but not inappropriate illustration of principle, or conscience, dominating in the character, and exercising a noble protectorate over it; not merely a passive influence, but an active power regulating life.
Such a principle goes on molding the character hourly and daily, growing with a force that operates every moment. Without this dominating influence, character has no protection, but is constantly liable to fall away before temptation; and every such temptation succumbed to, every act of meanness or dishonesty, however slight, causes self-degradation. It matters not whether the act be successful or not, discovered or concealed; the culprit is no longer the same, but another person; and he is pursued by a secret uneasiness, by self-reproach, or the workings of what we call conscience, which is the inevitable doom of the guilty.
WILL DISTINGUISHED FROM CONSCIENCE
We have within us that controlling element or power known as the will which should be distinguished from mere impulse, and which gives us the ability of passing upon and determining suggestions made to our mind and of allowing or disapproving the thought or possible impulse which gives them use. Will is distinguished from conscience in that it marks the determination and lends the force which makes conscience potent, drawing us nearer to the perfection which self-denial and self-control create and, let us hope, to the end—
“The great end of training,” says a great writer, “is liberty; and the sooner you can get a child to be a law unto himself, the sooner you will make a man of him. I will respect human liberty in the smallest child even more scrupulously than in a grown man; for the latter can defend it against me, while the child cannot. Never will I insult the child so far as to regard him as material to be cast into a mold, to emerge with the stamp given by my will.”
DUTY BEGINS IN THE HOME
Duty embraces our whole existence. It begins in the home where there is duty which children owe to their parents on the one hand, and duty which parents owe to their children on the other. There are in like manner, the respective duties of husband and wife, of employer and employee; while outside the home there are the duties which men and women owe to each other as friends and neighbors.
May it be borne in mind that the first seven years of training, in a child’s life, is of such importance as to leave its impress on the character throughout all the coming years. Lyman Abbott says: “Training is the production of habit. Actions oft repeated become a habit; habit long continued becomes a second nature.”
If gentleness and kindliness born of love is given to the child, at the same time forgetting not that kind firmness which guides the child’s life aright; demanding and exacting an immediate and implicit obedience to your instructions and directions, using whatever patience and firmness may be necessary to compel such obedience—then has the parent, and only then, accomplished that beginning and foundation of character building which will send their children forth to bless the world, and crown you with glory.