"Marry your son when you will, and your daughter when you can" (Spanish).[125]
This is a woman's calculation. She knows that a son-in-law will submit to her sway more tamely than a daughter-in-law.
Little pitchers have long ears.
"What the child hears at the fire is soon known at the minster" (French).[126]
Children and fools tell truth.
And tell it when it were better left untold. "These terrible children!" (French.)[127]
Children and fools have merry lives.
They quickly forget past sorrows, and are careless of the future.
Children suck the mother when they are young, and the father when they are old.
FOOTNOTES:
[115] Fanciulli piccioli, dolor di testa; fanciulli grandi, dolor di cuore.
[116] Chi non ha figliuoli non sa che cosa sia amore.
[117] On est toujours le fils de quelqu'un; cela console.
[118] Muttertreu wird täglich neu. Tendresse maternelle toujours se renouvelle.
[119] No hay tal madre como la que pare.
[120] Det Barn der faaer Stivmoder, faaer ogsaa Stifvader.
[121] Jeder Mutter Kind ist schön.
[122] Kein Aff', er schwört, er habe die schönsten Kinder.
[123] Mère piteuse fait sa fille rogneuse. La madre pietosa fa la figliuola tignosa.
[124] Een huis vol dochters is een kelder vol zuur bier.
[125] Casa el hijo quando quisieres, y la hija quando pudieres.
[126] Ce que l'enfant oit au foyer, est bientost connu jusqu'au monstier.
[127] Ces enfants terribles!
YOUTH AND AGE.
A ragged colt may make a good horse.[128]
An untoward boy may grow up into a proper man. This may be understood either in a physical or a moral sense. "There is no colt but breaks some halter" (Italian),[129] otherwise it is good for nothing (French).[130] "Youth comes back from far" (French).[131] Do not despair of it as lost, though it runs a mad gallop; something of the sort is to be expected of all but those preternaturally sedate youths who are born, as the author of "Eothen" says, with a Chifney bit in their mouths from their mother's womb.
A man at five may be a fool at fifteen.
In the days when cock-fighting was a fashionable pastime, game chickens that crowed too soon or too often were condemned to the spit as of no promise or ability. "A lad," says Archbishop Whateley, "who has to a degree that excites wonder and admiration the character and demeanour of an intelligent man of mature years, will probably be that and nothing more all his life, and will cease accordingly to be anything remarkable, because it was the precocity alone that ever made him so. It is remarked by greyhound fanciers that a well-formed, compact-shaped puppy never makes a fleet dog. They see more promise in the loose-jointed, awkward, and clumsy ones. And even so there is a kind of crudity and unsettledness in the minds of those young persons who turn out ultimately the most eminent."
Soon ripe soon rotten.
"Late fruit keeps well" (German).[132]
It is better to knit than to blossom.
Orchard trees may blossom fairly, yet bear no fruit.
It early pricks that will be a thorn.
Some indications of future character may be seen even in infancy. The child is father of the man.
Soon crooks the tree that good gambrel will be.
A gambrel (from the Italian gamba, a leg) is a crooked piece of wood, on which butchers hang the carcasses of beasts by the legs.
As the twig is bent the tree's inclined.
Best to bend while it is a twig.
It is not easy to straighten in the oak the crook that grew in the sapling.—Gaelic.
"What the colt learns in youth he continues in old age" (French).[133] "What youth learns, age does not forget" (Danish).[134]
Reckless youth maks ruefu' eild.—Scotch.
"If youth knew! if age could!" (French).[135]
FOOTNOTES:
[128] Spanish: De potro sarnoso buen caballo hermoso. German: Ans klattrigen Fohlen werden die schönsten Hengste.
[129] Non c'è polledro che non rompa qualche cavezza.
[130] Rien ne vaut poulain s'il ne rompt son lien.
[131] Jeunesse revient de loin.
[132] Spät Obst liegt lange.
[133] Ce que poulain prend en jeunesse, il le continue en vieillesse.
[134] Det Ung nemmer, Gammel ei glemmer.
[135] Si jeunesse savait! si vieillesse pouvait!
NATURAL CHARACTER.
What's bred in the bone will never be out of the flesh.
What is innate is not to be eradicated by force of education or self-discipline: these may modify the outward manifestations of a man's nature, but not transmute that nature itself. What belongs to it "lasts to the grave" (Italian).[136] The ancients had several proverbs to the same purpose, such as this one, which is found in Aristophanes—"You will never make a crab walk straight forwards"—and this Latin one, which is repeated in several modern languages: "The wolf changes his coat, but not his disposition;"[137]—he turns grey with age. The Spaniards say he "loses his teeth, but not his inclinations."[138] "What is sucked in with the mother's milk runs out in the shroud" (Spanish).[139] Horace's well-known line,—
"Naturam expellas furca tamen usque recurret"—
"Though you cast out nature with a fork, it will still return"—has very much the air of a proverb versified. The same thought is better expressed in a French line which has acquired proverbial currency:—
"Chassez le naturel, il revient au galop."
"Drive away nature, and back it comes at a gallop." This line is very commonly attributed to Boileau, but erroneously. The author of it is Chaulieu (?). The Orientals ascribe to Mahomet the saying, "Believe, if thou wilt, that mountains change their places, but believe not that men change their dispositions."
Cat after kind.
"What is born of a hen will scrape" (Italian).[140] "What is born of a cat will catch mice" (French, Italian).[141] This proverb is taken from the fable of a cat transformed into a woman, who scandalised her friends by jumping from her seat to catch a mouse. "A good hound hunts by kind" (French).[142] "It is kind father to him," as the Scotch say. "Good blood cannot lie" (French);[143] its generous instincts are sure to display themselves on fit occasions. On the other hand, "The son of an ass brays twice a day."[144] We need not say what people that stroke of grave humour belongs to.
She will be more at home there than in the drawing-room. "A sow prefers bran to roses" (French).[145] "Set a frog on a golden stool, and off it hops again into the pool" (German).[146]
There's no making a silk purse of a sow's ear;
or, "A good arrow of a pig's tail" (Spanish);[147] or, "A sieve of an ass's tail" (Greek).
A carrion kite will never make a good hawk.[148]
An inch o' a nag is worth a span o' an aver.—Scotch.
A kindly aver will never make a good nag.—Scotch.
An aver is a cart horse.
One leg of a lark is worth the whole body of a kite.
A piece of a kid is worth two of a cat.
Bray a fool in a mortar, he'll be never the wiser.
"To wash an ass's head is loss of suds" (French).[149] "The malady that is incurable is folly" (Spanish).[150]
There's no washing a blackamoor white.
"Wash a dog, comb a dog, still a dog is but a dog" (French).[151]
"Whatever the bee sucks turns to honey, and whatever the wasp sucks turns to venom" (Portuguese).[152]
Eagles catch no flies.
Literally translated from a Latin adage[153] much used by Queen Christina, of Sweden, who affected a superb disdain for petty details. The Romans had another proverbial expression for the same idea:—"The prætor takes no heed of very small matters,"[154] for his was a superior court, and did not try cases of minor importance. Our modern lawyers have retained the classical adage, only substituting the word "law" for "prætor." They say, "De minimis non curat lex," which might, perhaps, be freely translated, "Lawyers don't stick at trifles."
FOOTNOTES:
[136] Chi l'ha per natura, fin alla fossa dura.
[137] Lupus pilum mutat non mentem.
[138] El lobo pierde los dientes, mas no los mientes.
[139] Lo que en la leche se mama, en la mortaja so derrama.
[140] Chi nasce di gallina, convien che rozzuola.
[141] Chi naquit chat, court après les souris. Chi nasce di gatta sorice piglia.
[142] Bon chien chasse de race.
[143] Bon sang ne peut mentir.
[144] El hijo del asino dos veces rozna al dia.
[145] Truie aime mieux bran que roses.
[147] De rabo de puerco nunca buen virote.
[148] On ne saurait faire d'une buse un épervier.
[149] À laver la tête d'un âne, on perd sa lessive.
[150] El mal que no se puede sañar, es locura.
[151] Lavez chien, peignez chien, toujours n'est chien que chien.
[152] Quanto chupa a abelha, mel torna, e quanto a aranha, peçonha.
[153] Aquila non capit muscas.
[154] De minimis non curat prætor.
HOME.
Home is home, be it ever so homely.
Hame is a hamely word.—Scotch.
"Homely" and "hamely" are not synonymous, but imply different ideas associated with home. The one means plain, unadorned, fit for every-day use; the other means familiar, pleasant, dear to the affections. "To every bird its nest is fair" (French, Italian).[155] "East and west, at home the best" (German).[156] "The reek of my own house," says the Spaniard, "is better than the fire of another's."[157] The same feeling is expressed with less energy, but far more tenderly, in a beautiful Italian proverb, which loses greatly by translation: "Home, my own home, tiny though thou be, to me thou seemest an abbey."[158] Two others in the same language are exquisitely tender: "My home, my mother's breast."[159] How touching this simple juxtaposition of two loveliest things! Again, "Tie me hand and foot, and throw me among my own."[160]
Every cock is proud on his own dunghill.
A cock is crouse on his ain midden.—Scotch.
This proverb has descended to us from the Romans: it is quoted by Seneca.[161] Its medieval equivalent, Gallus cantat in suo sterquilinio, was probably present to the mind of the first Napoleon when, in reply to those who advised him to adopt the Gallic cock as the imperial cognizance, he said, "No, it is a bird that crows on a dunghill." The French have altered the old proverb without improving it, thus: "A dog is stout on his own dunghill."[162] The Italian is better: "Every dog is a lion at home."[163] The Portuguese give us the counterpart of this adage, saying, "The fierce ox grows tame on strange ground."[164]
An Englishman's house is his castle.
But sanitary reformers tell him truly that he has no right to shoot poisoned arrows from it at his neighbours. The French say, "The collier (or charcoal burner) is master in his own house,"[165] and refer the origin of the proverb to a hunting adventure of Francis I., which is related by Blaise de Montluc. Having outridden all his followers, the king took shelter at nightfall in the cabin of a charcoal burner, whose wife he found sitting alone on the floor before the fire. She told him, when he asked for hospitality, that he must wait her husband's return, which he did, seating himself on the only chair the cabin contained. Presently the man came in, and, after a brief greeting, made the king give him up the chair, saying he was used to sit in it, and it was but right that a man should be master in his own house. Francis expressed his entire concurrence in this doctrine, and he and his host supped together very amicably on game poached from the royal forest.
"Man," said Ferdinand VII. to the Duke of Medina Celi, the premier nobleman of Spain, who was helping him on with his great coat, "man, how little you are!"—"At home I am great," replied the dwarfish grande (grandee). "When I am in my own house I am a king" (Spanish).[166]
FOOTNOTES:
[155] À tout oiseau son nid est beau. A ogni uccello suo nido è bello.
[156] Ost und West, daheim das Best.
[157] Mas vale humo de mi casa que fuego de la agena.
[158] Casa mia, casa mia, per piccina che tu sia, tu mi sembri una badia.
[159] Casa mia, mamma mia.
[160] Legami mani e piei, e gettami tra' miei.
[161] Gallus in suo sterquilinio plurimum potest.
[162] Chien sur son fumier est hardi.
[163] Ogni cane è leone a casa sua.
[164] O boi bravo na terra alheia se faz manso.
[165] Charbonnier est maître chez soi.
[166] Mientras en mi casa estoy, rey me soy.
PRESENCE. ABSENCE. SOCIAL INTERCOURSE.
Long absent, soon forgotten.
Out of sight, out of mind.
"Friends living far away are no friends" (Greek). "He that is absent will not be the heir" (Latin).[167] "Absence is love's foe: far from the eyes, far from the heart" (Spanish).[168] "The dead and the absent have no friends" (Spanish).[169] "The absent are always in the wrong" (French).[170] "Absent, none without fault; present, none without excuse" (French).[171]
Against this string of proverbs, all running in one direction, we may set off the Scotch saying,—
They are aye gude that are far awa';
and this French one: "A little absence does much good."[172] Without affirming too absolutely that—
which was a proverb before Rochefoucauld wrote it down among his maxims—we may admit that "To preserve friendship a wall must be put between" (French);[173] and that "A hedge between keeps friendship green" (German).[174] "Love your neighbour, but do not pull down the hedge" (German).[175] "There are certain limits of sociality, and prudent reserve and absence may find a place in the management of the tenderest relations."—(Friends in Council.) This lesson the Spaniards embody in two proverbs, bidding you "Go to your aunt's (or your brother's) house, but not every day."[176] Friends meet with more pleasure after a short separation. "The imagination," says Montaigne, "embraces more fervently and constantly what it goes in search of than what one has at hand. Count up your daily thoughts, and you will find that you are most absent from your friend when you have him with you. His presence relaxes your attention, and gives your thoughts liberty to absent themselves at every turn and upon every occasion."
Better be unmannerly than troublesome.
I wad rather my friend should think me framet than fashious.—Scotch.
That is, I would rather my friend should think me strange (fremd, German) than troublesome (fâcheux, French).
Too much familiarity breeds contempt.
Ower-meikle hameliness spoils gude courtesy.
Hameliness means familiarity. See "Hame is a hamely word," page 36.
Leave welcome ahint you.—Scotch.
Do not outstay your welcome. "A guest and a fish stink on the third day" (Spanish).[177]
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.
"Aweel, kinsman," says Rob Boy to the baillie, "ye ken our fashion—foster the guest that comes, further him that maun gang." "Let the guest go before the storm bursts" (German).[178]
If the badger leaves his hole the tod will creep into it.—Scotch.
"He that quits his place loses it" (French).[179] "Whoso absents himself, his share absents itself" (Arab).
FOOTNOTES:
[167] Absens hæres non erit.
[168] Ausencia enemiga de amor: quan lejos de ojo tan lejos de corazon.
[169] A muertos y a idos no hay mas amigos.
[170] Les absents ont toujours tort.
[171] Absent n'est point sans coulpe, ni présent sans excuse.
[172] Un peu d'absence fait grand bien.
[173] Pour amitié garder il faut parois entreposer.
[174] Ein Zaun dazwischen mag die Liebe erfrischen.
[175] Liebe deinen Nachbar, reiss aber den Zaun nicht ein.
[176] A case de tu tia, mas no cada dia. A casa de tu hermano, mas no cada serano.
[177] El huesped y el pece á tres dias hiede.
[178] Lass den Gast ziehen eh das Gewitter ausbricht.
[179] Qui quitte sa place la perd.
FRIENDSHIP.
He is my friend who grinds at my mill.
That is, who is serviceable to me—a vile sentiment if understood too absolutely; but the proverb is rather to be interpreted as offering a test by which genuine friendship may be distinguished from its counterfeit. "Deeds are love, and not fine speeches" (Spanish).[180] "If you love me, John, your acts will tell me so" (Spanish).[181] "In the world you have three sorts of friends," says Chamfort; "your friends who love you, your friends who do not care about you, and your friends who hate you."
Kindness will creep where it canna gang.—Scotch.
It will find some way to manifest itself, in spite of all hinderances. As Burns sings,—
Friendship canna stand aye on one side.—Scotch.
It demands reciprocity. "Little presents keep up friendship" (French);[182] and so do mutual good offices. Note that the French proverb speaks of little presents—such things as are valued between friends, not for their intrinsic value, but as tokens of good-will.
Before you make a friend, eat a peck of salt with him.
Take time to know him thoroughly.
Sudden friendship, sure repentance.
Never trust much to a new friend or an old enemy.
Nor even to an old friend, if you and he have once been at enmity. "Patched-up friendship seldom becomes whole again" (German).[183] "Broken friendship may be soldered, but never made sound" (Spanish).[184] "A reconciled friend, a double foe" (Spanish).[185] "Beware of a reconciled friend as of the devil" (Spanish).[186] Asmodeus, speaking of his quarrel with Paillardoc, says, "They reconciled us, we embraced, and ever since we have been mortal enemies."
Old friends and old wine are best.
"Old tunes are sweetest, and old friends are surest," says Claud Halcro. "Old be your fish, your oil, your friend" (Italian).[187]
Enmity is unhappily a much more active principle than friendship.
Save me from my friends!
An ejaculation often called forth by the indiscreet zeal which damages a man's cause whilst professing to serve it. The full form of the proverb—"God save me from my friends, I will save myself from my enemies"—is almost obsolete amongst us, but is found in most languages of the continent, and is applied to false friends. Bacon tells us that "Cosmos, Duke of Florence, was wont to say of perfidious friends that we read we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read we ought to forgive our friends."
A full purse never lacked friends.
An empty purse does not easily find one. To say that "The best friends are in the purse" (German),[188] is, perhaps, putting the matter a little too strongly; but, at all events, "Let us have florins, and we shall find cousins" (Italian).[189] "The rich man does not know who is his friend."[190] This Gascon proverb may be taken in a double sense: the rich man's friends are more than he can number; he cannot be sure of the sincerity of any of them. "He who is everybody's friend is either very poor or very rich" (Spanish).[191] "Now that I have a ewe and a lamb everybody says to me, 'Good day, Peter'" (Spanish).[192] Everybody looks kindly on the thriving man.
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
But, as such friends are rare, the Scotch proverb counsels not amiss,—
Try your friend afore ye need him.
On the other hand, "He that would have many friends should try few of them" (Italian).[193] "Let him that is wretched and beggared try everybody, and then his friend" (Italian).[194]
A friend is never known till one have need.
"A friend cannot be known in prosperity, and an enemy cannot be hidden in adversity" (Ecclesiasticus). "A sure friend is known in a doubtful case" (Ennius)[195]
When good cheer is lacking, friends will be packing.
"The bread eaten, the company departed" (Spanish).[196] "While the pot boils, friendship blooms" (German).[197]