Queer Luck: Poker Stories from the New York Sun

“I have always been a little hazy in my notion of what are the proper functions of the Captain of a Mississippi River steamboat,” said the gray-haired young-looking man. “I suppose, really, that nothing would have been easier than for me to find out, for I traveled a great deal on the river some years ago, and I knew a lot of people who were engaged in steamboating as a business, besides enjoying a personal acquaintance with several of the Captains themselves. But there are some things that I do not like to know definitely, and this is one of them. It is more interesting to speculate about them in idle moments and to think of all sorts of whimsicalities as possible than to get at the facts, which would not be interesting at all.

“Now, on the lakes, and on such salt-water craft as I have traveled on, the Captain of the boat is very much in evidence. He has all to say about everything, and seems to be a sort of court of appeals for the trial and final disposition of all cases, trivial or important. He seems to have a personal supervision over every detail of his business, and to have very little real leisure. It may be, of course, that the Captain of a Mississippi boat has similar duties and responsibilities, but it doesn’t seem so to the average passenger.

“In the first place, he seems to have nothing to say about the navigation of his boat. The pilot attends to that, apparently, all the time. Then the Captain has little to say to the crew. The mate bosses the deckhands and the roustabouts, and the engineer has control of his own department. I suppose the Captain gives them both orders, though I never saw or heard him do it. I have heard him order the waiters about in the dining-room, but it seems ridiculous to class that among his duties. Altogether, to one who doesn’t understand the matter, the Captain’s office seems suited to comic opera rather than to navigation, and, as I intimated, I enjoy comic opera too much to want to understand this.

“There is one thing about the position, however, which is no joke. The Captain has arbitrary police power over everybody on board his boat, unless, indeed, the pilot is exempt. I don’t know about that. So well is this fact understood that I never saw this authority disputed but once, and on that occasion it was not well for the man who did the disputing.

“Captain Foss of the river packet Lone Star, plying between St. Louis and New Orleans some twenty years ago, was one of the finest men I ever chanced to know on the river. That he was a Southerner no one could doubt who saw him and heard him talk, but I never knew what State he came from. He was a man of middle stature and remarkable physical development, strong as a horse and active as a cat. I think he had been in the army, for he had a military bearing, but his title of Captain came, of course, from his position. He was somewhat of a dandy, and dressed in what was old style even then, but the exquisite neatness and fine material of his clothing made him conspicuous even among the wealthy and well-dressed passengers who patronized his boat from choice whenever they traveled the river.

“Suave, polished, and extremely quiet in his manners on ordinary occasion, he could blaze out in the most fiery bursts of temper when he had provocation. I never saw him in a temper but twice, and curiously enough the trouble grew out of a game of poker each time.

“Poker was always played in the main saloon of the boat at night, as a matter of course, and I have seen some stiff games played on the Lone Star, for I made several trips on her. I didn’t hesitate to play there myself, even with strangers, for I knew the reputation of the boat and of the Captain, who played himself occasionally, though not very often. He was called one of the best players on the river, and was known to be thoroughly upright and believed to be utterly devoid of fear. He knew all the gamblers who traveled the river, and would not allow any crooked play in his jurisdiction. It was reported that they all knew this and had a wholesome respect for his authority, knowing that he made it a rule to set a man ashore in the wilderness if he was detected in any underhand work. He had done this several times, and it was generally believed that there wasn’t a gambler in the country who would play any tricks on Captain Foss’s boat.

“One night, an hour or two after we had left Memphis on the way down the river, the Captain sauntered into the saloon looking as if he hadn’t a care or a responsibility of any kind, and, seeing a game of cards going on, he walked up to the table and joined the lookers-on, of whom I was one. It was a fairly stiff game, and there was enough money changing hands to make it rather exciting, even for those who weren’t playing. As for the four men who were playing, they seemed almost dead to the outside world. Whether they were playing beyond their means, or whether it was simply the excitement of the game that held them spellbound, I didn’t know, but I had watched them for an hour and hadn’t heard one of them utter a word beyond what the game called for. Their faces all showed intense emotion, and one man’s hand shook so that he had hard work to deal. It may not have been the game that caused it, but I thought it was.

“After Captain Foss had been standing by for a few minutes, one of the four, a pale, intellectual-looking man, threw down a losing hand with some show of temper, and exclaimed with an oath, ‘not loud, but deep’: ‘I never did have any luck in a four-handed game.’ And looking around the little group—there were a dozen or more of us—he spied the Captain.

“‘Captain,’ he said, ‘won’t you take a hand?’

“‘Well,’ said Captain Foss, ‘I don’t mind playing a little while if none of the other gentlemen object. I didn’t know you were superstitious, though, Dr. Baisley.’

“The doctor frowned. ‘I guess everybody is who plays cards,’ he replied shortly.

“‘Possibly,’ said Captain Foss; and as the other three signified a welcome to him, he drew up a chair and bought some chips.

“It was a curious thing, and to Dr. Baisley it was, no doubt, ‘confirmation strong as proofs of Holy Writ’ of his superstition, but it is a fact that his luck turned from the moment Captain Foss entered the game. He had been a heavy loser before. I could count up over a thousand dollars in chips that I had seen him lose, and I hadn’t seen all the play. But the turn set the chips rolling back to him so fast that he was soon even and then winner to a considerable amount.

“Of the others, one was evidently a commercial traveler who had got into a heavier game than knights of the road often indulge in. Somehow, he did not seem like a gentleman, and I was not greatly surprised when he lost his temper, for his luck had changed also. He had been the largest winner at first, for the other two won and lost in turn, so that they were not far from even. But as the doctor won, he lost, until at length he pulled out what seemed to be his last hundred-dollar bill and bought another stack of chips.

“These, too, he was losing when the doctor beat his flush with a full. Throwing down his cards, he said, with a nasty sneer: ‘It’s evident that you knew who to invite into the game.’

“There was a hush for a moment. Everybody seemed to be holding his breath. We all looked at Captain Foss, and I don’t think anybody would have been surprised to see him draw a weapon. The insult was a frightful one, and, as I said, the Captain could blaze on occasions.

“He blazed this time. There was no motion toward physical violence, but he glared at the fellow as an angry tiger might have glared, and the veins stood out in uneven knots on his forehead, and his clenched fists quivered in the struggle for self-control. At first he could not speak for rage, but presently he swallowed spasmodically twice, and then broke forth.

“‘If I could lower myself and forget my place so far as to meet such a vile whelp of a hell-hound as you on common ground, I’d cut your ears off and make you eat them along with your words. As it is, damn you—’ And then he went on with such a torrent of profane abuse as I for one never heard before or since. The wretch actually cowered under it like a whipped dog. He tried to speak once or twice, but he might as well have tried to whistle down a whirlwind, and presently realizing his miserable impotence, he shoved the balance of his chips over to the banker, who cashed them, and slunk away to his stateroom.

“Captain Foss sat talking, or raving, whichever it was, till the fellow’s door closed. Then he stopped, and we could see that he was again struggling to control himself. There was another hush, which was presently broken by a young fellow less than twenty years old, who had been listening open-mouthed.

“‘My!’ he exclaimed. ‘But that was fine.’

“This brought a general burst of laughter, in which the Captain himself joined after a few moments, and the strain was over. But I don’t think there was a man there who would not rather have been shot at than to have had such a tongue-lashing.

“The fact of the Captain of a passenger boat playing poker in the cabin when actually in command of her, and in active service, was, I think, what set me thinking, as I said, about his duties and responsibilities. It seemed a strange thing to me then, because it was the first time I ever saw it. But, though the strangeness wore off afterward when I saw other Captains doing the same thing, I never saw Foss play again, though I believe he occasionally did so.

“I noticed, however, every time I traveled with him after that, that he always came into the saloon in the evening and looked at the play that was going on. And on one occasion I got an inkling of his reasons for doing this. It was a part of his regular patrol of the boat, and he was as particular to see that nothing was going wrong at the card table as he was to see that everything was right elsewhere on the boat. Of course, poker itself was not considered wrong. It was part of the regular routine of life. A man could play or not, but a man who would object to anybody else playing would have been as lonesome as a prohibitionist in Kentucky.

“Drinking was common on the river boats. Drunkenness was rare. If there were ladies among the passengers, as commonly there were, drinks were seldom served in the main saloon till after they had retired. Then, if a man wanted a drink while he was playing, one of the darkies would bring it to him.

“On the particular occasion that I speak of a man not over twenty-two or twenty-three years old was playing cards at a table with four older men. He was a bright, handsome fellow, with manly ways and a pleasant manner, who seemed well able to take care of himself even at poker, and who, indeed, held his own fairly well in the first part of the game. The play went on, however, far into the night, and a number of drinks were brought to the table, so that after a time the youngster grew flushed and began playing wild.

“Captain Foss noticed this, as he noticed everything, but did not at once interfere. I observed, however, that he passed in and out several times between the saloon and the deck, and just as I had seen a particularly foolish play made by the youngster I heard the Captain say quietly: ‘Gentlemen, the game will have to be closed for to-night.’

“Naturally the players all looked up in surprise, and one or two attempted a remonstrance, but, noticing the Captain’s expression, thought better of it. He was smiling pleasantly, but you could tell by his face that he was in earnest.

“The youngster himself was vehement and vociferous, but the Captain only smiled at him still more pleasantly, and said again that the game must be closed for the night. It was easy enough to manage such a case as his, but after the young fellow had pleaded and sputtered and even tried feebly to bluster without any success, another man, much older, of dark visage and thin, sharp features, spoke up in ugly fashion:

“‘I call it a piece of impertinence and a gross assumption of authority for the Captain of a steamboat or anybody else to undertake to stop a party of gentlemen playing a friendly game.’

“A quick change came over the Captain’s face. The smile was gone, and the eyes contracted a little as they seemed to shoot fire, so keen and brilliant was the look in them:

“‘It is not necessary, Major, to consider what I might or might not do in case a party of gentlemen were playing a friendly game of poker here. The point is that this game is going to stop now. Gentlemen don’t ply boys with liquor and then win money from them, and, by the Almighty, nobody else is going to do it on my boat.’

“The Major was as angry now as the Captain. He glanced at the other players, but they all had sufficient grace to be ashamed, or, at least, to appear so, and with a contemptuous smile, he said: ‘I understand you perfectly, Captain, and I suppose you will give me satisfaction. Nobody else seems inclined to demand it, but I am not in the habit of allowing anybody to lie about me without calling him to account.’

“No law on earth could have prevented those two men from fighting after that, and there was nobody present to put the machinery of the law in operation, even if it had been of any avail. The Captain bowed. ‘I will make a landing on the Arkansas side in twenty minutes,’ he said, ‘and we can step ashore alone, unless you prefer to take a friend with you.’

“‘No,’ said the Major, ‘I would rather prefer going alone.’

“The two saluted and the Captain strode out of the cabin. The Major, without deigning a look or a word to any of us, walked over to his stateroom, entered it, and closed the door.

“There was a good deal of quiet conversation going on for a little while, but nobody seemed to feel called on—I know I did not—to interfere, and there was considerable speculation as to which would kill the other. That one of them would be killed seemed certain, and, it was my own notion that the Major would be the one. It was true that I did not know him, but I did know Captain Foss.

“I was right. When the boat slackened speed and then slid her nose into the mud, stopping with that queer, slow suddenness with which a boat does stop on a bank, we all went outside to see the two men off. I was surprised to see that it was daylight, for I had not thought it was so late. But, looking around, I saw the pilot had chosen an excellent spot for the purpose in hand. He had run so close to a wooded knoll in the forest that it was easy to put a gangplank out to reach the firm ground.

“As he stepped toward this gangplank Captain Foss paused, and, addressing the mate, said, so that we could all understand him, ‘Do not allow any one to go ashore for half an hour after I do. If neither I nor Major Nevins should return in that time, take four men and come after us.’ Then he turned to Major Nevins, who was close beside him, and said something to him which no one else could hear. The Major nodded, and the two stepped ashore together.

“Walking side by side, they disappeared among the trees. Almost breathlessly, it seemed to me, we all listened for a long time. I don’t know how long, though I noticed the mate kept his watch in his hand. Suddenly we heard two shots, almost together. Then there was a pause, then another shot, then another, then silence.

“Three or four minutes after this we saw Captain Foss walking back alone toward the boat. Coming on board, he stopped beside the mate and gave him some orders in an undertone, then passed on to his own room. The mate saluted, and, calling two men to him, went somewhere aft, presently returning with a folded cloth in his hand which looked like a sheet. The two men brought a cot with them, and, following the mate with two more men, to whom he called, they went ashore and disappeared in the woods.

“When they returned, some quarter of an hour later, there was a burden on the cot, which all four men were carrying, and over this burden the sheet was spread, decently and smoothly. It was carried to Major Nevins’s room and deposited inside. Then the door was locked and the key taken to the Captain’s room.

“The boat moved on, and when we reached Helena, which was the next stopping-place, Captain Foss went ashore alone. In an hour’s time he returned to the boat with the Coroner of the town, the local undertaker, and two or three of his assistants. The burden on the cot was taken ashore, and after a little time the boat went on down the river.

“If there was ever any prosecution I didn’t hear of it. All I know is that it was then the custom in Arkansas to allow the survivor to go on his own recognizance in any case in which the Coroner was satisfied that there had been a fair fight.”