BLUMPLEBY
This is Blumpleby. His friends call him Peewit because it pleases him. He is very old, no one can remember when he was young, it was so long ago. He is not a very pleasant person because he has no manners. He only says “Hey” when you speak to him, unless you are talking about meals when he becomes very interested. His table manners are disgusting. Once he tried to eat peas with his fingers and got into a terrible mess because he had taken too much gravy on the same plate. If you look at his hands you will see he ought never to use them if he can use a fork instead, but he always does.
Some one said he had not had a bath for three years, eight months and four days, but I hope this is not true.
He lives in a mud hut which has only one room and no furniture. He used to have some chairs, but whenever he sat on them the seats fell through, and the legs doubled up, so he has given up trying to sit on anything except the floor.
He spends most of his time reading old newspapers which he eats when he has read. He believes that if he eats enough he will soon know everything in the world. He has been eating them for years, however, and the only remark he ever makes is still “Hey,” so I don’t think his plan is very successful.
I must tell you that he is very vain and all round the walls of his mud hut are hung pictures of himself when he was young—at least he says they are, but as some of them are quite handsome most people do not believe he is speaking the truth.