Redcoat Captain: A Story of That Country

So everybody came round and pinched the Queen's calf, though nobody bought it.

And when Tiny saw that he went and pinched it too very shrewdly, saying,

"Ha!" and "Hum!" with his hat a bit on one side: for Tiny didn't want to buy the Queen's calf himself, but he liked the Queen to think he did.

And the vet was there running up and down on a string a little rough, round pony that pattered, trying to sell it, because he said he'd outgrown it.

And when Baby saw how rough and round the pony was, and how it pattered, she clapped her hands and cried,

"Oh, the duck!" and asked the vet if she might run it up and down on the string a bit.

And when the vet, who was rather hot and panty, said,

"Suttinly, Miss," she ran it up and down till she could run no longer; and after that she went into a corner out of the crowd with the vet, and gasped,

"How much?"

So the vet whispered,

"I'll leave it to you, Miss, because it's to a good ome."

Then Baby turned her back, and gave him some out of her sixpenny purse.

And she christened the pony Puck, and led him away by the string.

And a little further on the Junior Subaltern's mother was trollying a little go-cart about with the King in his crown in it, to try to sell it, because she said her son didn't care for it any more.

And the King, now he'd had his ride, said, nor did he, and got down, and, after taking off his crown very courteously, bustled off to join in pinching the Queen's calf; which was rather depressing for the Junior Subaltern's mother after all her trouble.

But Baby came up with Puck, and kissed her to comfort her; and after that she bought the little go-cart out of her penny purse, which comforted the old lady still more.

Then Baby harnessed Puck to the go-cart, and tied him by his string to the wall, while she ran and got Tiny away from the Queen's calf.

And they went round the pens together, and chose out some things, and some servants.

And there were about four things, and three servants.

And one servant said her name was Phyllis; and she was plump and brisk: but the Others didn't seem to know what their names were; and they were dressy and draggly.

And really the Others didn't belong to That Country, but had got in by mistake from Abroad, one Bank Holiday.

And Baby only took them because they wanted a home: for you mayn't sleep out in That Country except in the summer, when you mayn't sleep in.

And people only have one servant in That Country, except at the Castle, where they have none: for there the Queen does it all.

Then they shoved the things under the seat of the little cart; and Tiny and Baby got up; and Baby cracked the whip; and Tiny tugged the reins; and Puck started off for Cosy Cottage at a run-away patter; while Phyllis walked and the Others trailed behind.

And when they got to the Common everything was exactly as they had left it, with Methuselah just nodding off to sleep under the thorn; and by the yew the Colonel standing with his shako off, and little Marwy on a string, visiting her mother's grave.

For it was about evening by now.

And they could see the Fort on the Hill in the sunset, and some of the Fellows playing pranky on the wall: while the Junior Subaltern was hiding behind a buttress, gulping the sponge-cake they swab out the great cannon with.

And the rooks were cawing home in the dusk; and the starlings whirred and chirred among the gorse; and old Goly rolled down the Hill from the Fort with the letters, the Boy holding on to his tail, because he said he would do brake.

And as they came to Cosy Cottage, the stars came out and shone, and the sparrows chattered as they went to bed in the creepers.

And when Baby saw that she trembled and whispered,

"I say, Tiny!" because she loved it so.

But round the corner the Commander-in-Chief waited at the Castle-window.

And when he saw them drive up he smiled.

21

Then as they got down, all of a sudden a merry little voice from the boot-hole began to sing,

"I'm Master Mischeevous,
My conduct's so grievous,
They've bottled me tight
            In a hole—O!
But I laugh—ha! ha! ha!
And I sing—tra-la-la!
For they never can bottle
            My soul—O!"

Then Baby clutched Tiny's arm, and whispered,

"Who?"

But Tiny only put his finger to his lips, and led round to the back on his toes. And there he unlocked the door of the boot-hole, and whispered,

"Look."

So Baby peeped round Tiny's shoulder.

And there was a dear little brown mannikin, only so high, with a winky way with him, who scuttled about on bandy legs, and nibbled a nut.

Then Baby whispered,

"Why?"

So Tiny answered,

"By order of the King."

And he told Baby how the mannikin really belonged to the King, who had taken him away from home, to try to make a better mannikin of him, for really he was so very naughty; and the King has to be very strict, although he is so good and kind.

And the King lent him Tiny (by the secret advice of the Commander-in-Chief) to spit on his boots for him. And in return Tiny was to keep him good and tight in the boot-hole, only when he let him out for a little run in the back-yard at dark; which he did now.

And after he had done him up again, he went and hung the key on the nail in the kitchen, where it lived.

Then Baby and Phyllis went down on their knees in the parlour and undid the things.

And after they had undone them, they arranged them round the wall in a row, while Tiny sat in an easy chair, and made remarks, which was the best he could do.

So after about a bit Baby said,

"Now you do some," and she plumped down.

Then Tiny stood on a chair in the parlour, and put his thumb against the wall, and hammered it; while Phyllis stood below with the picture; and Baby said from the easy chair,

"That's capital."

Only it didn't take Tiny quite that way: for he got off the chair and walked about the room with his knees up, and corked his mouth with his thumb, and so on etc.

Only when he saw Baby took no notice, he soon got over it; which is often the way.

And after that Tiny and Baby ran up and downstairs at the double.

And when they got to the top and bottom, they turned and ran down and up again.

And they got in Phyllis's way rather as she tidied up; but she didn't mind, only so long as they enjoyed themselves.

Then they stood at opposite ends of the Cottage, and gave the Others contradictory orders in loud voices.

But the Others didn't hear: for they had paddled out into the back-yard to find out what it was in the boot-hole screaming and scampering so.

And of course it was mannikin, who, when he heard them, came to the crack, and whispered them to undo him, and he would tell them something secret.

So they got the key from the nail, and undid him.

Then mannikin came out into the kitchen, where he wasn't really allowed, and sat on the edge of the table, sucking his thumb.

So the Others held each other, gasping,

"My!" and asked him what the secret was.

But mannikin only swung his legs and said he'd forgotten.

Then he heard Phyllis coming and scurried back to his hole in a terrible fright, and locked himself in, and shoved the key under the door.

And one of the Others came later and picked it up, to hang on the nail; only she forgot—and a good job too.

22

Then after tea Tiny stole out, and round the corner, and into the Castle by the back-door, to spy out the Commander-in-Chief, and the surprise he was getting ready for the Regiment.

And he crept along the passage and shoved the green-baize door, and peeped into the hall.

And there by the fire sat the King with his crown cocked over his eyes sound-asleep in the rocking-chair after the market; while the Queen churned in the dairy.

And in the darkest corner, under a shaded candle, sat the Commander-in-Chief with his hump up and his head down and wrote a letter very secretly.

And as Tiny looked, he sealed it with a black seal, and said with a snigger,

"Because of Goliath."

Then he rang for the Queen, and gave it her, saying,

"Important—Private—Secret. For Cooey in the morning."

But Tiny crept home in the dark, with a little rainy wind in his face, and wondered.

BOOK V.—TINY AND BABY QUARREL

23

Next morning Baby woke up very happy, because she was at home.

And she lay and listened to the day getting up, which was rather a favourite thing of Baby's.

And first the Policeman tramped by in boots.

Then a cock at the farm crew a lot to say it was dawn, when it wasn't.

And after that just as the dark began to grow dim, a thrush in the lilac under the window cleared its throat, and began to shout,

"I'm first! I'm first! I'm first!"

And that woke a robin in the yew-hedge which piped,

"Cheek! Cheek! Cheek!" and began to laugh in its little way.

Then a rook sailed out to work, groaning,

"Aw! aw! aw!" which is rook for "Oh! oh! oh!" which is short for "Oh dear! oh dear! oh dear!" for the rook hates work and loves grumbling.

And after that the sparrows began. And as soon as the sparrows began, the others left off: for they knew it was no good to go on against the sparrows; for the sparrows go on for ever.

Then Baby got up, and went to the window.

And the sun was just up and staring white through the black of the trees: for it was about Christmas by now.

And the sky shone like a sword. And great white ice-bergs with shining tops sailed by behind the Mountain on the border of That Country. And old Methuselah, his ears hoary with frost, was trying for some more sleep under the thorn.

And on the eave above the window a starling, all purple and green and gold in the sun, was dressing. And as he dressed he was making all the noises no other bird can make. For the starling is like a lot more, he never knows quite what he's going to say himself till he's said it, only he knows it's never been said before, and never will be again.

Then the sun rose over the wall of the back-yard, and struck the top of the boot-hole. And at once mannikin inside began to sing very merrily,

"I hop in the boot-hole,
    As happy can be,
As bold as a robin,
    As brisk as the sea,
I chirp like a cricket,
    I buzz as a bee
A-swing in the fox-glove,
    A-blow on the lea."

And when Baby heard that she ran and shook Tiny, who was lying in bed with one eye out, and the blanket tight round, and she cried.

"Get up, Lazy-bones! get up! get up!—Everybody's up and busy and merry long ago only you."

And she began to dance about with her hair down, singing,

"O, I say!—Shan't we just be happy here? happy here? happy here?"

But Tiny only groaned, and got up, one leg at a time.

And the first thing he did was to go to the window, and spy out at the Castle round the corner, with the frost on the roof.

And the first thing he saw was the Commander-in-Chief stealing out of the back-door in his bedroom slippers.

24

And when Tiny saw that, he shivered, and came in, and didn't have much bath, for Baby had gone down; but took off his clothes, and put on his redcoat instead.

And soon he forgot all about the Commander-in-Chief, and stood before the glass a long long time, and simplee loved it.

Then he dragged himself away, and went downstairs, and did the lamp and the knife, which was always his little job.

And when he had finished that, he walked to the parlour, rather proud because of Captain in that Army, rather cold because of sore thumb and no real sympathy, and rather shy because of his redcoat, and Baby inside waiting to tease.

So he came to the door.

And when Baby saw Tiny in his redcoat, very tall, and jolly little curls all over, she thought,

"How most beautiful!" Only she didn't say for fear of bad for Tiny, because she knew about the glass, for she had peeped.

Instead she played with his medals, and tapped him under the chin, and said,

"How most booful!" which was much better for Tiny.

Then Tiny went sulky-shy and pulled away.

And when Baby saw that she left it, and went back to the window to watch a little figure creeping across the Common towards the Cottage.

But directly her back was turned, Tiny bent and looked at himself some more in the shiny tea-thing; and that pleased Tiny, so that he smiled. And the more he looked the more he was pleased. And the more he was pleased the more he smiled. And the more he smiled the more he thought how very jolly, and what teeth!

Then Baby turned. And when she saw Tiny staring she went up and down and roared, and said,

"O my dear boy!"

But Tiny turned his back on the tea-thing; and he was cross, because he was found-out.

Then he thought of a little lie, and cheered up, and told it; and it was,

"I was looking at the crest."

But Baby said,

"The crest is the other side, Tiny," which was rather depressing for Tiny after all his trouble.

So he went crosser than ever, because he was found-out twice now.

And he took off the bit of plaister that he had allowed Baby to put on his thumb last night, and threw it down, and trod on it, to show he would be master in his own house.

But Baby teased some more and said,

"Poor Tiny then! it was a shame, it was! He shall worship himself, he shall." And she said that because Tiny had told a little lie, and she was teaching him. And Baby didn't often teach by tease, for she didn't believe in it; but she did this time because Tiny had lied a little.

So Tiny nibbled his nails, because he knew that would annoy Baby; but he said nothing, because there was nothing to say.

Then Baby went back to the window, and said inside,

"Poor old Tiny! If I was Tiny and like so," which was very tall and little curls all over, "I know I'd be the very same only worse." Only Baby really was much nicer herself; only she didn't think so much about it, because of a girl and too sensible; and Tiny thought about nothing much else, because of a man and so silly. But Baby taught him so that he began to have time to think little bits about other things too; so that less time went before the glass; only it was rather hard for Tiny at first.

And when Baby remembered that, she went up to Tiny, and patted his shoulder, and said,

"There, old boy!"

But Tiny went back at her with both elbows to show he wouldn't be good.

And it was very wrong indeed of Tiny; and he knew that quite well. And the more he knew it the more ashamed he was. And the more ashamed he was the more he wouldn't own up. And the more he wouldn't the more he wanted to. So it went in a sort of circle, as it always does.

And it was like trying to climb a hill by running down it. And really a better way is to stick in your heels, and come up jerk, and turn, and plod.

Then Baby rang the bell to change the subject.

25

And when the bell went Phyllis collected the Others, and stood them by the door, while she ran to get mannikin out of the boot-hole: for he might come too if he liked.

But she found the key wasn't on the nail. So she ran to the Others in rather a state, and asked them,

Then one of the Others fussed about in her pocket, and found it, saying,

"Well I never!—Now however did it get there?"

So Phyllis answered, pretty sharp,

"It got there because you put it there," and she ran off with the key.

But the Others stayed behind, and agreed secretly to dislike Phyllis.

Then Phyllis came to the boot-hole, and unlocked it.

And the boot-hole was a dear little place, very dark and dewy, with bricks for the floor, and a glass-hole at the top with wire over it, so he couldn't get out that way.

And it was furnished all round the walls with blacking bottles, and across the middle with a knife-board done up in red powder by the King's command, to make it comfie for him.

Then Phyllis tried to collect mannikin; only he wouldn't be collected.

So Phyllis said,

"Why?"

But mannikin only sat on his hands on the knife-board, with his back very round, and said,

"Becob I won't," which wasn't a bit like mannikin, for though he was so mischievous, he was very merry too mostly always.

Then Phyllis answered quite kindly,

"Then don't, my dear. I only thought it would make a little run for you."

But mannikin only said quite snappy,

"Goodness sake, go 'way."

So she went; locking the door behind her, to keep him good and tight.

And the real truth was that about a minute back the Commander-in-Chief had crept into the back-yard in his slippers, and whispered mannikin through the crack to tell him where the key was, and he would let him out to escape. For the Commander-in-Chief knew that would get Tiny into an awful row with the King.

So mannikin got in a fearful state, and ran up and down the door, and told the Commander-in-Chief about the key on the nail in the kitchen, and to get it quick! goodness sake quick!

Then the Commander-in-Chief crept to the back-door, disguised as a milk-man, and peeped into the kitchen. And he found the nail, but no key on it: for the key was in the pocket of one of the Others all the time—and a good job, too.

So when the Commander-in-Chief saw he was disappointed of spiting Tiny that way, he ran back to the crack, and spat, and swore most terribly, while poor little mannikin cuddled away in the corner out of range.

And the Commander-in-Chief said he must report mannikin to the King for trying to escape, because it was his duty: for the Commander-in-Chief is head of the Policeman as well as of the Army in That Country.

And he went on about how he would never have believed it, never; and how disappointed he was; and how he had hoped, and so on, etc.

And now, he said, however much it pained him, he must tell the King that mannikin only grew worse and worse, and make His Majesty promise to keep him tight in the boot-hole all his life for ever.

And after that he pretended to blub a bit outside the door to show how grieved he was; and then turned away.

So poor mannikin found himself worse off instead of better, which is often the way, if you try too much.

Only he soon got over it, and began to sing instead; for mannikin took nothing to heart very much.

But the Commander-in-Chief shuffled away across the Common in his bedroom slippers, very busy and bad.

26

Then Tiny grumbled some out of a book.

Only he didn't grumble it well: for he kept one eye on the book, and one eye on the window, to see if the road was looking through the blinds.

But nobody was, only old Methuselah, who crossed the road, a foot at a time, and leaned his head over the gate. And when he heard what was going on inside, he closed his eyes, and bowed his head: for Methuselah was like a lot more, he wanted people to think he was a deal pi-er than he really was.

Then, when that was done, and Phyllis and the Others had left the parlour, Tiny just dumped down and gobbled porridge without a word.

So Baby sat behind the tea-thing and ate bread without butter, for she didn't feel hungry. And when Tiny looked at her, and pretended he hadn't, she looked back at him, quite kind and true.

And when Tiny saw that, he was so ashamed that he went worse than ever, and gobbled till everything was all gone: so that he really had something to grumble about now; which he did gladly.

Then Baby played music on the table behind the sugar-bowl; and she was rather white, and rather tired; and she said.

"Very sorry, Tiny. Shall I ring for more?"

So Tiny snapped,

"Yes. No. What you like."

And when he had said that, he wanted to say sorry so bad that he thought he would unless he left the room.

So he got up and went out quick for fear. And he put on his cap and his cane, and went out of the front-door, and down the path joggle with his knees to show don't-care-damb, which was quite a lie, because he did care a lot.

Then Baby came to the door, and peeped at his back; and water stood in Baby's eyes; and she said low,

"I'll tidy up, and have everything square by the time you get back, Tiny."

But Tiny just joggled, and pretended don't-care-damb some more.

Then Baby peeped; and her handkerchief was at her mouth; and she said in a wee voice,

"Back for tea, Tiny?"

So Tiny answered,

"Dunno," and joggled down the path.

Then Baby gasped,

"Hope you will, Tiny-boy!" And she shut the door and ran, because she was taken blubby bad.

And when Tiny heard that, he could not bear it any more, for you can't if they keep on at it; and he thought,

"You are a darling! I am a cad."

And he stopped, and turned, and went back to the door as though he had his seven league boots on, to say sorry I'm a cad, which he truly was.

But the door was shut.

Then Tiny ran up and down on his feet, and cried at the key-hole,

"Lemme in! lemme in! lemme in! O Baby! I do love you! Truly sorry! lemme in!"

But it was too late then.

So Tiny stood outside the door and wished he hadn't. And that is what Adam spent his time doing outside the Gates of Eden. And it is what most of us spend a lot of time doing when it's too late. And it very often isn't till you stand outside and wish you hadn't, that you know how jolly it was inside, before you had.

Then Tiny turned away down the steps no more joggle now; and he was so sorry he blew his nose.

And Baby heard his nose go from her room above, and she knew, and thought,

"You dear old goose, you!" which was a very favourite thought of Baby's, and like Baby to think it just then.

And she tipped on her toes in the middle of the room, and saw Tiny going through the gate blowing his nose to take the water out of his eyes. And when she saw that, she waved to him, only he couldn't see her, and she didn't want him to, for after all she was teaching Tiny, and he had been about as bad as a man can be, which is pretty bad.

Then Baby picked up her skirts, and did some steps before the looking-glass.

And she looked pretty tip-top; only there was nobody to see her only herself.

So she swung round, and stopped before the glass, and bobbed to herself, and said,

"You're pretty jolly, Miss."

Then she remembered Tiny and the tea-thing, and she roared, and said,

"You're far worse than Tiny, my dear girl!" And she gave a twirl and a skip and kicked her hand with her foot; and was as free and happy as a lark because she knew she had won.

And Baby always won over Tiny, because she always won over herself. And if you can't win over yourself, you can't expect to win over other people.

And a woman can always win over a man, so long as the man is decently good, and so long as she goes by the Big Rule. For the Big Rule is the same in That Country as in all others.

And the Big Rule is,

Love is Power.

27

Then Tiny walked across the Common.

And the road gleamed before him in the sun, so that it was like walking on a silver river; for the frost was oozing out of the ground, though all under the gorse-bushes was white still. And the ivy on the beeches in the Wood at the foot of the Fort-hill shone till it dazzled, while the beeches themselves were a cloud of purple.

And when Tiny got into the shadow of the Wood the road was hard again, and rang to his feet; and all the little pools were feathered over with ice; and a chaffinch sat on a bare bough, and pinked.

And all that was lovely. Only Tiny didn't see any of it: for he was so sad inside that everything was dark to him.

But when he had gone by, the Commander-in-Chief, who had been hiding behind a beech-trunk, came out, and stood in the road, with his hands on his knees, and laughed most horridly.

BOOK VI.—THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF PAYS FOR GOLIATH

28

Then Tiny climbed up the Hill to the Fort.

And there the Fellows were taking down the wire netting, which they always put round the wall at dark, in case They should come on by night: for They were like a lot more, They were always supposed to be going to do a heap of things They never did.

Then Tiny shook hands with the brown Captain, and kicked the yellow one, and crawled through the wall by the cannon-hole, and out on to the barrack-square.

And the barrack-square was a sort of blank desert with cubicles all round; and the Junior Subaltern was making up the beds inside, which was always his little job: for the Junior Subaltern has to do all the things that nobody else will do in that Regiment.

But directly he saw Tiny, he shut up work, and came across the square, very silly and sheepish.

And the Junior Subaltern walked with his toes rather turned in. And his knickers were patched, and his stockings darned: for his mother was a very careful woman. And his collar had slipped up the back of his neck, so that there was a great gap: for his back-button was off, as usual, although they always put him under arrest for it whenever they remembered. But what the Junior Subaltern always said was,

"It's mother—not me."

Then when he got quite close to Tiny, he looked at his toes, and said in a very little whisper,

"Truly sorry, Tiny."

Then Tiny frowned and answered,

"I should just think you were. Certainly you ought to be. And now tell me, what is it you are sorry for?"

So the Junior Subaltern twiddled his toes over each other, and answered very low,

"For you know."

Then Tiny said very sternly,

"Yes, I know—only I've forgotten."

So the Junior Subaltern whispered,

"At your wedding."

Then Tiny remembered about the drop of lime-juice off a feather in the porch. And he wagged his head very sorrowfully and said,

"O dear! O dear! O dear!" And he walked up and down for a long long time, with his hands behind him, and his chin on his chest, groaning, and so on etc.

Then at last he stopped, and rolled one eye at the Junior Subaltern, and said,

"I forgive you on condition I may lecture you for as long as I like. D'you agree?"

So the Junior Subaltern answered,

"I should like to think it over first, please," for he knew what a lecture from Tiny meant.

So he turned his back, and dug at a weed with his toe, while he thought it over.

Then after about a bit he muttered pretty tearfully,

"Well, I agree, because there's no other way. Only goodness sake get it over quick."

Then Tiny took him tight by the arm, and walked him up and down, and up and down, and gave him the longest lecture that ever was all about nothing, and simplee loved it.

And the Junior Subaltern blew his nose upside down without a handkerchief, which you do when you want the tears to go inside and not out, and said every quarter of an hour,

"I say! isn't that bout enough?"

But Tiny only answered,

"No, thank-you," and went on.

So the Junior Subaltern said rather sulkily,

"Well, it's a good long go anyway."

Then when Tiny really could not think of any more, he made the Junior Subaltern learn by heart the Sorry Song he and Baby had written in Moonland; and after that he made him stand on the Fort-wall and sing it; which he did—not very nicely.

And when that was finished, Tiny said,

"That'll do for the present, thank-you."

So the Junior Subaltern scrambled off the wall, saying to himself out loud,

"Jolly good job too," and ran off to find the Boy.

29

So Tiny came to the whitewash shed, where the Fellows were now, eating more and complaining louder than ever.

Then when Tiny had counted them, he said,

"But where's the Colonel?"

So the brown Captain answered,

"In bed—bad with shock."

And all the Fellows said in a sort of a chorus,

"Bed—bad with shock."

And some said it was one thing; and some said it was another; and a good lot said it was neither. But they all agreed that Cooey had come from the Castle in the dawn with a writing, and had fluttered up to the Colonel, who was helping the Boy soap Goliath; and that after reading the writing the Colonel had taken to his bed without a word.

Then Tiny, who loved the Colonel, because he was so red and round and thought nice of everybody, ran up the ladder to the loft: for the Colonel always lives above the shed in that Army to be handy.

And when Tiny had undone the trap-door, and peeped through, there lay the dear old Colonel in bed in the dark corner under the cobweb, quite quite bald.

And his knees were cocked up, and his arms round them, and his little nose laid on his knees skew-wise.

And he was saying to himself in a weak voice,

"I am the Colonel. I love evewybody, and evewybody loves me. And evewything's always as nice as nice can be in our dear Countwy. Only I've had a bit of a shock—that's all."

Then Tiny climbed out on to the floor, and came towards the corner on his toes.

And when the Colonel saw him coming, he let his knees down, and went back on the pillow, and said rather faintly,

"Ah, my dear dear boy!—how are you?—how's Baby?" for next to animals, the Colonel loved Baby best in all the world.

Then Tiny shook hands and said,

"I'm awfully sorry to hear of this, Sir." And he pulled a truss of straw up to the bed and sat on it, and said very gently,

"Would you care for me to tell you about me and Baby and Moonland, Sir?—and the landlady, and the lake, and the fish there was supposed to be there, and that?"

For Tiny began to understand a little about illness now: for Baby taught him. Only he thought he understood a lot more than he did, which was rather a favourite thing of Tiny's.

But the Colonel shut his eyes, and said, "Thank-you, my dear boy, thank-you. Some day I want to hear all about it—not just now though. Twuth is I've had wather a shock. So've you, my poor boy. So've we all. Only p'w'aps it's worse for you and my little Marwy than for the others."

And he opened his eyes a bit, and said, "Have you got into Cosy Cottage yet, you and Baby?"

So Tiny cheered up and answered, "Yes, Sir. We settled in last night, as jolly as can be. Baby sings all the time she's so happy."

Then the Colonel nodded to and fro, murmuring,

"Ah, my poor boy! my poor Baby!—bad, bad, bad."

Then he wiped his eyes, and picked up a blue writing that was lying on the bed, and handed it Tiny, saying,

"It's all in there, my poor boy—all in there. Wead it yourself. I wouldn't have it otherwise for the world. Still it's wather a shock—that's all: especially for you and my little Marwy."

Then Tiny took the writing to the dusty sunbeam that lit the loft through a crack in the thatch.

And the writing was in a great blob hand that Tiny knew well; and it went,

Move to-day, u and the Redgement, and any more u like, to another Fort if u can find one. Why? Because I order you—I am

The Right Honorary St Jack-Assquire,
Own blud brudder to George,
Commander-in-Chief at the Castle now,
And hope to be Royal King one day.

P.S.—I send u a midjut of me in my khaki with what Willie give me on my right turn. I send it u free, because to show I've got no grudge against u.... Shew it round. It shud encurudge recruutin. Send me some reports on this soon as u know.

Then as Tiny read it through for the second time, the Colonel said from the bed,

"Wather wude—ain't it'?" And he sniffed a bit. "But there! dear old St Jacky! I can't help loving the chap—he is so very stwaight."

All the same his mouth began to go, and he went on rather gaspy,

"I don't mind for myself. It's my little Marwy. Her mother's buried here. I think it will bweak her h-h-heart." And one tear went. "And it means a move for you too, poor fellow. Cosy Cottage goes with the Fort, you know."

And he dabbed and went on,

"I wonder what it all means."

Then Tiny, who was rather white, answered,

"It means spite, Sir," and he told the Colonel about the Commander-in-Chief's great ambition, and his attempt on Goliath by night, and his toe, and so on etc.: for they had not told the Colonel before, because they always kept from him anything that would give him pain.

And when he heard that, he said,

"I'm disappointed in St Jack—vewy disappointed. I thought he was a gweat man," for he always took everybody at their own opinion of themselves, which was very sweet and simple of him.

But Tiny tore the writing into little bits, and put them on the fire; so that it was like hell for the bits.

And he said to himself out loud,

"Debbel-debbel-damb-damb," which he knew quite well he shouldn't.

Then he ran across the floor pitter-pat; and down the ladder to the bottom, bump; and across the square patter-pit; screaming,

"I don't care! I will say!—Debbel-debbel-damb-damb."

30

So Tiny ran out of the Fort to tell Baby they must move out of Cosy Cottage at once, quickly this minute.

And a little woolly white dog came out after him in a great state, and stood on four legs, and barked till it shook.

But Tiny only ran on like lead.

So the little woolly white dog pretended he'd driven him off, and walked across the road and back very stiff on his toes, to try to take the cat in. But the cat just sat on the wall, and blinked instead.

Then Tiny pounded down the hill with his heart in his heels.

And the hedges on either side looked like crawly purple caterpillars with grey-green leper splotches where the privet grew; and a plump little wren flitted in and out before him as he ran, mocking; while the Pond on the Common beneath winked each time the wind blew, like a leering great eye.

And Tiny loathed them all.

So he ran across the little Bridge, and round the Wood, where the beeches flushed among the grey of the ashes, and across the Common among the gorse, till he came to Cosy Cottage.

And the sun shone on it; and the sparrows chirped in the creepers; and mannikin sang in the boot-hole at the back; and Phyllis was at the door polishing the knocker; and even the Others were leaning out of upstairs, pretending with dusters, while they tried to carry on with the King, who was cleaning the Castle-window round the corner; while the Queen scowled from the wash-tub.

And when Tiny saw all that, and remembered Baby singing so happy that morning, his heart stopped dead. And he stood with his hand on the gate, and just looked.

Then the door burst open, and out rushed Baby in an apron, with a scream and a scurry, yelling,

"O, Tiny! what do you think?"

But Tiny only answered quite dull and dead,

"What?"

So Baby cried,

"The Commander-in-Chief's been to call!—And hee came disguised as a parson—only he forgot about his cocked hat, which he was wearing. So of course I found him out, and roared. And when he saw he was discovered, he looked rather silly at first. Then he cheered up, and said it was all a joke done to amuse me. And really he was so sweet and smiling—you can't think. He bowed up and down in the door, and said he'd come to ask if I was happy in my little home, for that was all he cared about; and there were quite tears in his eyes. And when I said I should just think I was, he seemed delighted—honestly. Wasn't that nice of him?"

And she hopped on the path, her hand upon Tiny's arm, and her hair all splendid and babbled on,

"So of course I asked him in, and showed him over, and all my improvements and that. And he rubbed his hands and chuckled, and said how cosy and comfie, and hoped I should live to enjoy it as long as I liked. And after that he asked how mannikin was getting on, and if he might see him, and said that was really why he came, and the reason of his disguise. So I took him myself. And he gave him quite a nice little talking to on being good and not spiteful and that; and said if he didn't try to escape perhaps the King would let him out some day. But mannikin behaved shockingly and cuddled away in the corner, nibbling his nut, and giggled till I was really quite ashamed."

And when Baby remembered that, and the Commander-in-Chief standing in the door of the boot-hole in his parson's clothes and cocked hat talking pi, she laughed like anything.

But Tiny just said nothing.

So Baby babbled on,

"And after that he shook hands, and said he could feel happy about me now—Wasn't it nice of him? And he took off his cocked hat, and went down the road, whistling. So you see he's quite a reformed character." And she laid her hand on Tiny's arm, and twinkled up at him, and said slowly,

"I—almost—wish——"

Then she looked in her pocket, and cried,

"But O! I forgot. I was to give this writing to Captain Tiny with his dear love. So you see, Tiny, he can forgive."

But Tiny said nothing, and took the writing.

And it was in pencil on some greasy paper that had folded a dead fish: for St Jack was good at insults if he was good at nothing else.

And the writing ran,

I paid u one for your snuk. This pays u for your share in Goliuf. And I will pay u one more yet because I love u so.

How?

Ha!

SAINT JACK.

P.S.—I have got orders from the King to burn down Cosy Cottage before night, because I told him it had been lived in by swines, who had had swine-fever. So clear out at once or sooner.

31

Then Tiny wound round Baby, and walked her up and down in the road under the yew-hedge, where nobody could see, only Methuselah, who didn't matter, and told her all about it very tenderly.

And when Baby heard that, she went quite pale, and leaned on Tiny, so that he wound round very tight indeed.

But all she said was,

"Pooh! move to another Fort!—what's it matter?—means a change of house—that's all."

Only when she got back to the garden, and saw her little home so cosy under creepers, and the two windows in front so neat and nice, with tiny white curtains with waists that she'd put up herself that morning, and the one behind, with nothing yet, but soon would have, and everybody so busy and happy and good, she did blink a bit.

And when Tiny saw that, he said in her ear,

"You poor old duck, you!"

But Baby just hopped and cried,

"Pah!—I hate this little dog-hole. Not enough room to swing a cat in. Thankful to be shut of it."

All the same she let go Tiny's arm and ran quickly. And when she got into her dear little parlour that she'd arranged so cosy and stuffy and huggy-warm and tight up to the top with things, and Tiny's big chair one side the hearth where he was to have learned up E in the evenings, and her little one on the other side where she was to have heard him say it, she locked the door and sat down and began.

Then Tiny came up outside.

And when he heard what was going on inside, he tried hard to get in.

But Baby wouldn't let him.

So Tiny whispered with his mouth, close to the crack,

"O, Baby, d'you forgive for this morning?"

Then Baby came to the door, and undid a bit, and shoved her little finger through.

So Tiny took it, and said, all sobby,

"Best and booflest!—Gobbless. Gobbless. Gobbless. Amen. Amen. Amen. No more now. See you again some day. Bye. Goobye."

And he ran out.

32

Then as the clock struck twelve the Colonel marched out of the Fort, with little Marwy, the regimental baa-lamb, on a string, and his sword drawn, saying,

"Left-right! left-right!"

And behind him came the Fellows saying in a sort of chorus,

"Left-right! left-right!"

And behind the Fellows came old Goly and the Boy, drawing the great cannon: which was really what Goly was for, only they used him for rides instead.

And as they passed the Wood, the Commander-in-Chief sat on a gate, with his cocked hat on the back of his head and said to himself out loud,

"And if they don't find a Fort then that proves they're no soldiers. So out of the Country they go for shams. And if they do, then I come and plough the lot in E. So guess I've got um either way."

And he threw his legs about and laughed.

But the Colonel walked on without a word: for he was grieved about the Commander-in-Chief.

Then Tiny came by.

And when the Commander-in-Chief saw him, he pointed his finger, and laughed till he had to wipe his eyes, rocking to and fro, and crying,

"O dear! O dear! O dear!—Souse me, won't you?—It does make me laff so—you and Baby all settled in so cosy and comfie in your little home, and now turned out, and got to find a new house before night or leave the Country. E! E! E! Master Tiny! E! E! E!"

But Tiny marched on quite brave and steady: for he was true to Baby, and what she had taught him; which was Love.

Then St Jack laughed so that at last he toppled off the gate backwards on to his cocked hat, and bashed it.

But he pulled himself together, and scrambled on his knees, and pelted stones at Goliath's back-view, which he couldn't help hitting, and yelled,

"Fat beast! I'll have my ride yet, you'll see."

But Goly did nothing, only went with a whisky tail: for old Goly knew about discipline. Only he stored it up in his memory for the future all the same.

Then the Regiment marched on across the Common, only stopping to pat Methuselah under the thorn for the last time.

But as they were passing by the old yew, little Marwy baaed, and tugged away towards her mother's grave; where the clover grew.

Then the Colonel stooped, swallowing his throat. And he picked her up in his arms, and marched on without a word.

And they went down a rutty lane that seemed to have no turning, until by good luck they came to a Fort in a Hole at the bottom.

And when the Colonel saw that, he said,

"What about in here?" for he knew it didn't matter where they went, so long as they went somewhere. For the Commander-in-Chief was like a lot more, he had only one idea, which was to give trouble.

So the Colonel walked across the drawbridge with little Marwy in his arms, and banged with his sword-hilt.

And when nobody came, he peeped in.

And it was all empty inside, only for a lot of weeds, and an old speckled seagull with a dagger-beak, limping up and down the barrack-square.

And when the Colonel saw the gull, his eyes shone, and he said,

"This'll do. Come on," and he put down little Marwy, and trotted in; and the Fellows followed with Goliath and the great cannon rumbling over the draw-bridge behind.

Then the Fellows set the cannon up with its nose over the wall; for it was a low wall; and the Fort was in a Hole. So when they fired the cannon off to see if it was all all right, the ball only hit the mud-bank that ran round, and bounded back and took the yellow one's wind rather; which cheered Tiny up a bit.

But, as the big brown captain said, when he saw the cannon wouldn't shoot over the bank, it didn't really matter much: for it was the noise that kept Them down, supposing They were there.

And while the Fellows rubbed the yellow one, the Colonel ran and made friends with the gull.

But Tiny went apart, and wrote a writing on his cuff, and sent it by Cooey to Baby.

And the writing ran,

Found a Fort in a Hole come quicks-you-can by Puck and get a house near by to put things in.—TINY.

33

And when Baby got the writing, she led out Puck from the shed, and put him in the little cart, while Phyllis held the shafts, and mannikin screamed a lot of orders through the crack of the boot-hole: for mannikin was like Tiny, and wanted everybody to think he was horsey.

But Baby and Phyllis paid no heed, and just did up the band instead, while Puck tried to bite them, which was a very favourite thing of Puck's.

Then they put the things under the seat, and Baby got in, with mannikin and the Junior Subaltern on the back-seat: for the Colonel had left the Junior Subaltern behind to sweep up; which was always his little job.

Then Baby took the reins, and tugged, and Puck went off at a run-away patter; while Phyllis walked, and the Others trailed behind on high heels.

And it was Winter by now. And Baby always said she liked Winter best, for the same reason as Autumn.

And the roads were good with frost; and Puck's feet rang as he pattered; and the robins sat about and sang; and there were red berries on the holly, and apples to chew, so Baby chewed them as she drove.

Only there were no houses near the Hole to be found, which made it rather difficult for Baby to find one. But Baby wouldn't be beat, because she didn't believe in it.

So she drove round and round the rim of the Hole all day looking.

And when ever they came to the corner of the road there was the Commander-in-Chief sitting on a mud-heap, reading up out of a great book.

And each time they came round he jumped up, and took off his cocked hat very courteously, saying,

"And have you found a house yet, Mrs. Tiny?"

And each time Baby smiled back and answered,

"Almost nearly quite, thank-you."

Then the Commander-in-Chief cooed,

"So glad," and went back to his book with a little snigger.

But Baby flicked up Puck and drove on.

Then towards evening she came to a white house with windows under an elm with rooks.

And when Baby heard the rooks, one tear went, for it made her think of her home in the Hall several miles off.

And when the Junior Subaltern saw Baby's tear go, his tear went too: for his heart was pretty juicy still.

So Baby pulled up Puck, while mannikin ran to his head to show he knew all about it.

Then Baby looked over the gate, and said, rather trembly,

"Why not this?"

So the Junior Subaltern glanced over his shoulder, and whispered,

"Cause you can't," and pointed to a great notice-board in the garden that said in huge letters,

GO AWAY.

But Baby cheered up and cocked her nose, and said to show him,

"Can't I, Boy? Can," and she whipped up Puck, and nearly ran over mannikin, and went up the drive under the elms in the dusk.

But the Junior Subaltern did what the notice-board told him, and jumped off, and ran away down to the Fort in the Hole, as hard as his little legs would carry him.

And there they spanked him for being out after dark.

But Baby drew up at the white house, and ran up the steps, and peeped into the drawing-room, where tea was, and smiled in, and said,

"May we have your house, please, Tiny and me?"

Then the old lady put down the teapot, and said very graciously,

"Why should you, my dear?"

So Baby thought for a long time with her nose in the door, and said at last,

"Only because I like its looks."

Then the old lady, who was a very beautiful character, and great on giving up things, said very smilingly,

"Then there's no more to be said."

And she got up and said to her daughter,

"Come, my dear."

So they went out, while Baby held the door for them.

And when they got outside they remembered they were relations of the King's. So they tramped across to the Castle, and stayed there.

34

And when they were quite gone, Baby went in, and bagged a postage-stamp out of their box, and wrote on the back of it in large great letters,

LET
by
BABY,

and stuck it in the window to show everybody: for when Baby had done a thing, she liked everybody to know about it.

Then she tore out to Phyllis and the Others who were coming up the drive, crying,

"O don't I manage well!" for Baby really thought there was nobody in the whole world managed like she did.

Only when she got outside she saw the Commander-in-Chief sitting on the lawn in the moon, reading up out of the great book.

So she steadied herself and walked across to him.

But the Commander-in-Chief stayed deep in his book, and waved away with his hand, saying in a squeaky voice,

"'Scuse me, won't you!—Truth is I have to examine pore Captain Tiny and the others in E about to-morrow. Only hope they'll pass—that's all; because if they don't they'll have to leave the country."

But Baby stood before him in the moon and said, very grave and sad,

"You haven't been very loving, have you, Jacky?"

Then the Commander-in-Chief read on all the harder.

But Baby said, very low and quiet,

"Have you, Jacky?"

Then the Commander-in-Chief shut the book snap, and got up quick, and walked away with his shoulders rather high.

BOOK VII.—GOLIATH PAYS THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF

35

So they moved into the white house.

And it was in a garden with a grass-walk.

And there was a lawn under an elm with rooks, and a drive.

And at the bottom of the drive was a cottage among currant-bushes. And there a little old woman lived behind a lattice and crooned all day,

"Little Old
            Lollypop
Lived in a
            Stuffy Shop,
Watching the
            Crickets Hop-pop,
                            Hop-pop."

So Baby loved it all better even than Cosy Cottage.

And when, she and Phyllis had arranged the things round the wall, she sat down and wrote to the Commander-in-Chief,

DEAR JACKY,—Will you come and have tea with me? Your loving,—BABY,

to show she forgave him quite and quite.

But St Jack wrote back, very short and simple,

No. I wun't,

to show he wouldn't be forgiven: for he was a very straight little fellow when it suited him.

And St Jack wouldn't go, for he knew very well that if he did he would repent, because of Baby; and he preferred bad.

And besides he was kept on duty all day at the Castle just now, handing tea-cakes to the visitors, which he was rather good at; for St Jack's manners, when he liked, were very remarkable.

So That Country had peace and quiet for some time: for the visitors settled to stay at the Castle perhaps for ever, because of the tea-cakes.

36

Then St Valentine's Day came with the crocuses.

And on that day all the birds are married in That Country.

And after that the blackbirds join with the thrushes, and sing in the bare trees very rich and jolly: for the blackbirds mayn't sing till they're married, because that is one of the rules; but when they do begin they sing more songs and sing them better than the thrushes, which shout and whistle more.

And when the blackbirds begin the robins rather leave off: for the robins are like a lot more, they want to have it all to themselves all the time; only they just can't.

So they sulk instead.

Then Spring came, and jolly began. And Baby always said she liked Spring best, because of as before.

And the sky became a song, and the earth a garden. And the robins went into the woods; and the swallows came out of the ponds; and the larks ran up the sky; and everybody was glad.

And the sap rose everywhere, and rather got into mannikin's head; and he became so dreadfully excited that at last Baby took Tiny down to see him, because she was afraid his poor little brain was going.

So they came to the hole, and looked in.

And there was mannikin standing on the knife-board, and plugging the blacking-bottles on to the bricks.

And when Tiny said

"Why?"

Mannikin sucked his thumb and answered,

"Becob I like to see the ink splosh so."

Then Tiny, who loved lecturing better than anything else in the world, took the blacking-bottles away from him, and told him he was only making it worse for himself, and the badder he behaved the longer he'd be there, and how the King was very strict, although he was so good and kind.

But Mannikin didn't seem to mind, and strutted up and down the boot-hole, with his hands in his pockets, singing,

"I'm the cock of the boot-hole!
I'm the cock of the boot-hole!
                See me!
                See me!
I'm the cock of the boot-hole!"

37

And after that May and June came.

And there were tad-poles in the ponds, and lilacs with purple plumes, and chestnuts with white ones, and cuckoos calling and little flop-birds that tried to fly, and tumbled on the lawn instead. And everything was jolly all around.

And Tiny played cricket in the Fort in the Hole, while Baby sat on the wall with the Fellows, and watched him, and afterwards wrote round,

Tiny played four balls, and hit one. The next bowled him, and the Junior Subaltern umpired him out. So that wasn't so bad—for us, was it!

And every day when the Regiment went out to War, after the first pellet, the Colonel fell out, because he said he'd be a casualty now, and let the other Fellows have a go, which Tiny always took to mean him.

And the Colonel ran away bent up double behind the wild cherry-hedge till he came where Baby was waiting him under the laburnum at the little gate into her garden.

And when she had let him in, they ran hand in hand to the elm, where there was a great bowl of milk and a cabbage-leaf of strawberries ready.