Doc tracked a blame-don burgler down, and nailed
the scamp, to boot,
But told him ef he'd leave the town he wouldn't prosecute.
He traced him by a tied-up thumb-print in fresh putty, where
Doc glazed it. Jes that's how he come to track him to his lair!
But told him ef he'd leave the town he wouldn't prosecute.
He traced him by a tied-up thumb-print in fresh putty, where
Doc glazed it. Jes that's how he come to track him to his lair!
LXXIII
Doc's jes a leetle too inclined, some
thinks, to overlook
The criminal and vicious kind we'd ort to bring to book
And punish, 'thout no extry show o' sympathizin', where
They hain't showed none fer us, you know. But he takes issue there:
The criminal and vicious kind we'd ort to bring to book
And punish, 'thout no extry show o' sympathizin', where
They hain't showed none fer us, you know. But he takes issue there:
LXXIV
Doc argies 'at "The Red-eyed Law," as he says,
"ort to learn
To lay a mighty leenient paw on deeds o' sich concern
As only the Good Bein' knows the wherefore of, and spreads
His hands above accused and sows His mercies on their heads."
To lay a mighty leenient paw on deeds o' sich concern
As only the Good Bein' knows the wherefore of, and spreads
His hands above accused and sows His mercies on their heads."
LXXV
Doc even holds 'at murder hain't no crime we got
a right
To hang a man fer—claims it's taint o' lunacy, er quite.—
"Hold sich a man responsibul fer murder," Doc says,—"then,
When he's hung, where's the rope to pull them sound-mind jurymen?
To hang a man fer—claims it's taint o' lunacy, er quite.—
"Hold sich a man responsibul fer murder," Doc says,—"then,
When he's hung, where's the rope to pull them sound-mind jurymen?
LXXVI
"It's in a nutshell—all kin see," says
Doc,—"it's cle'r the Law's
As ap' to err as you er me, and kill without a cause:
The man most innocent o' sin I've saw, er 'spect to see,
Wuz servin' a life-sentence in the penitentchury."
As ap' to err as you er me, and kill without a cause:
The man most innocent o' sin I've saw, er 'spect to see,
Wuz servin' a life-sentence in the penitentchury."
LXXVII
And Doc's a whole hand at a fire!—directin'
how and where
To set your ladders, low er higher, and what first duties air,—
Like formin' warter-bucket-line; and best man in the town
To chop holes in old roofs, and mine defective chimblies down:
To set your ladders, low er higher, and what first duties air,—
Like formin' warter-bucket-line; and best man in the town
To chop holes in old roofs, and mine defective chimblies down:
LXXVIII
Er durin' any public crowd, mass-meetin', er big
day,
Where ladies ortn't be allowed, as I've heerd Sifers say,—
When they's a suddent rush somewhere, it's Doc's voice, ca'm and cle'r,
Says, "Fall back, men, and give her air!— that's all she's faintin' fer."
Where ladies ortn't be allowed, as I've heerd Sifers say,—
When they's a suddent rush somewhere, it's Doc's voice, ca'm and cle'r,
Says, "Fall back, men, and give her air!— that's all she's faintin' fer."
LXXIX
The sorriest I ever feel fer Doc is when some
show
Er circus comes to town and he'll not git a chance to go.
'Cause he jes natchurly delights in circuses—clean down
From tumblers, in their spangled tights, to trick-mule and Old Clown.
Er circus comes to town and he'll not git a chance to go.
'Cause he jes natchurly delights in circuses—clean down
From tumblers, in their spangled tights, to trick-mule and Old Clown.
LXXX
And ever'body knows it, too, how Doc is,
thataway!...
I mind a circus onc't come through—wuz there myse'f that day.—
Ringmaster cracked his whip, you know, to start the ridin'—when
In runs Old Clown and hollers "Whoa!—Ladies and gentlemen
I mind a circus onc't come through—wuz there myse'f that day.—
Ringmaster cracked his whip, you know, to start the ridin'—when
In runs Old Clown and hollers "Whoa!—Ladies and gentlemen
LXXXI
"Of this vast audience, I fain would make inquiry
cle'r,
And learn, find out, and ascertain—Is Doctor Sifers here?"
And when some fool-voice bellers down: "He is! He's settin' in
Full view o' ye!" "Then," says the Clown, "the circus may begin!"
And learn, find out, and ascertain—Is Doctor Sifers here?"
And when some fool-voice bellers down: "He is! He's settin' in
Full view o' ye!" "Then," says the Clown, "the circus may begin!"
LXXXII
Doc's got a temper; but, he says, he's learnt it
which is boss,
Yit has to watch it, more er less.... I never seen him cross
But onc't, enough to make him swear;—milch-cow stepped on his toe,
And Doc ripped out "I doggies!"—There's the only case I know.
Yit has to watch it, more er less.... I never seen him cross
But onc't, enough to make him swear;—milch-cow stepped on his toe,
And Doc ripped out "I doggies!"—There's the only case I know.
LXXXIII
Doc says that's what your temper's fer—to hold
back out o' view,
And learn it never to occur on out ahead o' you.—
"You lead the way," says Sifers—"git your temper back in line—
And furdest back the best, ef it's as mean a one as mine!"
And learn it never to occur on out ahead o' you.—
"You lead the way," says Sifers—"git your temper back in line—
And furdest back the best, ef it's as mean a one as mine!"
LXXXIV
He hates contentions—can't abide a wrangle er
dispute
O' any kind; and he 'ull slide out of a crowd and skoot
Up some back-alley 'fore he'll stand and listen to a furse
When ary one's got upper-hand and t' other one's got worse.
O' any kind; and he 'ull slide out of a crowd and skoot
Up some back-alley 'fore he'll stand and listen to a furse
When ary one's got upper-hand and t' other one's got worse.
LXXXV
Doc says: "I 'spise, when pore and weak and awk'ard
talkers fails,
To see it's them with hardest cheek and loudest mouth prevails.—
A' all-one-sided quarr'l'll make me biased, mighty near,—
'Cause ginerly the side I take's the one I never hear."
To see it's them with hardest cheek and loudest mouth prevails.—
A' all-one-sided quarr'l'll make me biased, mighty near,—
'Cause ginerly the side I take's the one I never hear."
LXXXVI
What 'peals to Doc the most and best is "seein' folks
agreed,
And takin' ekal interest and universal heed
O' ever'body else's words and idies—same as we
Wuz glad and chirpy as the birds—jes as we'd ort to be!"
And takin' ekal interest and universal heed
O' ever'body else's words and idies—same as we
Wuz glad and chirpy as the birds—jes as we'd ort to be!"
LXXXVII
And paterotic! Like to git Doc started, full and
fair,
About the war, and why 't 'uz fit, and what wuz 'complished there;
"And who wuz wrong," says Doc, "er right, 't 'uz waste o' blood and tears,
All prophesied in Black and White fer years and years and years!"
About the war, and why 't 'uz fit, and what wuz 'complished there;
"And who wuz wrong," says Doc, "er right, 't 'uz waste o' blood and tears,
All prophesied in Black and White fer years and years and years!"
LXXXVIII
And then he'll likely kind o' tetch on old John Brown,
and dwell
On what his warnin's wuz; and ketch his breath and cough, and tell
On down to Lincoln's death. And then—well, he jes chokes and quits
With "I must go now, gentlemen!" and grabs his hat, and gits!
On what his warnin's wuz; and ketch his breath and cough, and tell
On down to Lincoln's death. And then—well, he jes chokes and quits
With "I must go now, gentlemen!" and grabs his hat, and gits!
LXXXIX
Doc's own war-rickord wuzn't won so much in line o'
fight
As line o' work and nussin' done the wownded, day and night.—
His wuz the hand, through dark and dawn, 'at bound their wownds, and laid
As soft as their own mother's on their forreds when they prayed....
As line o' work and nussin' done the wownded, day and night.—
His wuz the hand, through dark and dawn, 'at bound their wownds, and laid
As soft as their own mother's on their forreds when they prayed....
XC
His wuz the face they saw the first—all dim, but
smilin' bright,
As they come to and knowed the worst, yit saw the old Red-White-
And-Blue where Doc had fixed it where they'd see it wavin' still,
Out through the open tent-flap there, er 'cros't the winder-sill.
As they come to and knowed the worst, yit saw the old Red-White-
And-Blue where Doc had fixed it where they'd see it wavin' still,
Out through the open tent-flap there, er 'cros't the winder-sill.
XCI
And some's a-limpin' round here yit—a-waitin'
Last Review,—
'U'd give the pensions 'at they git, and pawn their crutches, too,
To he'p Doc out, ef he wuz pressed financial'—same as he
Has allus he'pped them when distressed—ner never tuk a fee.
'U'd give the pensions 'at they git, and pawn their crutches, too,
To he'p Doc out, ef he wuz pressed financial'—same as he
Has allus he'pped them when distressed—ner never tuk a fee.
XCII
Doc never wuz much hand to pay attention to
p'tence
And fuss-and-feathers and display in men o' prominence:
"A railly great man," Sifers 'lows, "is not the out'ard dressed—
All uniform, salutes and bows, and swellin' out his chest.
And fuss-and-feathers and display in men o' prominence:
"A railly great man," Sifers 'lows, "is not the out'ard dressed—
All uniform, salutes and bows, and swellin' out his chest.
XCIII
"I met a great man onc't," Doc says, "and shuk
his hand," says he,
"And he come 'bout in one, I guess, o' disapp'intin' me—
He talked so common-like, and brought his mind so cle'r in view
And simple-like, I purt'-nigh thought, 'I'm best man o' the two!'"
"And he come 'bout in one, I guess, o' disapp'intin' me—
He talked so common-like, and brought his mind so cle'r in view
And simple-like, I purt'-nigh thought, 'I'm best man o' the two!'"
XCIV
Yes-sir! Doc's got convictions and old-fashioned
kind o' ways
And idies 'bout this glorious Land o' Freedom; and he'll raise
His hat clean off, no matter where, jes ever' time he sees
The Stars and Stripes a-floatin' there and flappin' in the breeze.
And idies 'bout this glorious Land o' Freedom; and he'll raise
His hat clean off, no matter where, jes ever' time he sees
The Stars and Stripes a-floatin' there and flappin' in the breeze.
XCV
And tunes like old "Red, White and Blue" 'll fairly
drive him wild,
Played on the brass band, marchin' through the streets! Jes like a child
I've saw that man, his smile jes set, all kind o' pale and white,
Bare-headed, and his eyes all wet, yit dancin' with delight!
Played on the brass band, marchin' through the streets! Jes like a child
I've saw that man, his smile jes set, all kind o' pale and white,
Bare-headed, and his eyes all wet, yit dancin' with delight!
XCVI
And yit, that very man we see all trimbly, pale and
wann,
Give him a case o' surgery, we'll see another man!—
We'll do the trimblin' then, and we'll git white around the gills—
He'll show us nerve o' nerves, and he 'ull show us skill o' skills!
Give him a case o' surgery, we'll see another man!—
We'll do the trimblin' then, and we'll git white around the gills—
He'll show us nerve o' nerves, and he 'ull show us skill o' skills!
XCVII
Then you could toot your horns and beat your
drums and bang your guns,
And wave your flags and march the street, and charge, all Freedom's sons!—
And Sifers then, I bet my hat, 'u'd never flinch a hair,
But, stiddy-handed, 'tend to that pore patient layin' there.
And wave your flags and march the street, and charge, all Freedom's sons!—
And Sifers then, I bet my hat, 'u'd never flinch a hair,
But, stiddy-handed, 'tend to that pore patient layin' there.
XCVIII
And Sifers' eye's as stiddy as that hand o'
his!—He'll shoot
A' old-style rifle, like he has, and smallest bore, to boot,
With any fancy rifles made to-day, er expert shot
'At works at shootin' like a trade—and all some of 'em's got!
A' old-style rifle, like he has, and smallest bore, to boot,
With any fancy rifles made to-day, er expert shot
'At works at shootin' like a trade—and all some of 'em's got!
XCIX
Let 'em go right out in the woods with Doc, and
leave their "traps"
And blame glass-balls and queensware-goods, and see how Sifers draps
A squirrel out the tallest tree.—And 'fore he fires he'll say
Jes where he'll hit him—yes, sir-ee! And he's hit thataway!
And blame glass-balls and queensware-goods, and see how Sifers draps
A squirrel out the tallest tree.—And 'fore he fires he'll say
Jes where he'll hit him—yes, sir-ee! And he's hit thataway!
C
Let 'em go out with him, i jucks! with fishin'-pole and
gun,—
And ekal chances, fish and ducks, and take the rain, er sun,
Jes as it pours, er as it blinds the eye-sight; then, I guess,
'At they'd acknowledge, in their minds, their disadvantages.
And ekal chances, fish and ducks, and take the rain, er sun,
Jes as it pours, er as it blinds the eye-sight; then, I guess,
'At they'd acknowledge, in their minds, their disadvantages.
CI
And yit he'd be the last man out to flop his
wings and crow
Insultin'-like, and strut about above his fallen foe!—
No-sir! the hand 'at tuk the wind out o' their sails 'ud be
The very first they grabbed, and grinned to feel sich sympathy.
Insultin'-like, and strut about above his fallen foe!—
No-sir! the hand 'at tuk the wind out o' their sails 'ud be
The very first they grabbed, and grinned to feel sich sympathy.
CII
Doc gits off now and then and takes a huntin'-trip
somewhere
'Bout Kankakee, up 'mongst the lakes—sometimes'll drift round there
In his canoe a week er two; then paddle clean on back
By way o' old Wabash and Blue, with fish—all he kin pack,—
'Bout Kankakee, up 'mongst the lakes—sometimes'll drift round there
In his canoe a week er two; then paddle clean on back
By way o' old Wabash and Blue, with fish—all he kin pack,—
CIII
And wild ducks—some with feathers on 'em yit, and
stuffed with grass.
And neighbers—all knows he's bin gone—comes round and gits a bass—
A great big double-breasted "rock," er "black," er maybe pair
Half fills a' ordinary crock.... Doc's fish'll give out there
And neighbers—all knows he's bin gone—comes round and gits a bass—
A great big double-breasted "rock," er "black," er maybe pair
Half fills a' ordinary crock.... Doc's fish'll give out there
CIV
Long 'fore his ducks!—But folks'll smile
and blandish him, and make
Him tell and tell things!—all the while enjoy 'em jes fer sake
O' pleasin' him; and then turn in and la'nch him from the start
A-tellin' all the things ag'in they railly know by heart.
Him tell and tell things!—all the while enjoy 'em jes fer sake
O' pleasin' him; and then turn in and la'nch him from the start
A-tellin' all the things ag'in they railly know by heart.
CV
He's jes a child, 's what Sifers is! And-sir, I'd
ruther see
That happy, childish face o' his, and puore simplicity,
Than any shape er style er plan o' mortals otherwise—
With perfect faith in God and man a-shinin' in his eyes.
That happy, childish face o' his, and puore simplicity,
Than any shape er style er plan o' mortals otherwise—
With perfect faith in God and man a-shinin' in his eyes.
Tamám.
Transcriber's Note:
All variations in spelling, inconsistent hyphenation and spelling have been retained as they appear in the original text.