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I'll tell thee ev'rything I can; There's little to relate. I saw an aged, aged man, A-sitting on a gate. "Who are you, aged man?" I said. "And how is it you live?" And his answer trickled through my head Like water through a sieve. He said, "I look for butterflies That sleep among the wheat: I make them into mutton pies, And sell them in the street. I sell them unto men," he said, "Who sail on stormy seas; And that's the way I get my bread— A trifle, if you please." But I was thinking of a plan To dye one's whiskers green, And always use so large a fan That they should not be seen. So, having no reply to give To what the old man said, I cried, "Come, tell me how you live!" And thumped him on the head. His accents mild took up the tale: He said "I go my ways, And when I find a mountain rill, I set it in a blaze; And thence they make a stuff they call Rowlands' Macassar Oil— Yet two-pence-halfpenny is all They give me for my toil!" But I was thinking of a way To feed oneself on batter, And so go on from day to day Getting a little fatter. I shook him well from side to side, Until his face was blue: "Come, tell me how you live," I cried, "And what it is you do!" |
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He said, "I hunt for haddocks' eyes Among the heather bright, And work them into waistcoat-buttons In the silent night. And these I do not sell for gold Or coin of silv'ry shine, But for a copper halfpenny, And that will purchase nine." "I sometimes dig for buttered rolls, Or set limed twigs for crabs; I sometimes search the grassy knolls For wheels of Hansom-cabs! And that's the way" (he gave a wink) "By which I get my wealth— And very gladly will I drink Your honour's noble health." I heard him then, for I had just Completed my design To keep the Menai bridge from rust By boiling it in wine. I thanked him much for telling me The way he got his wealth, But chiefly for his wish that he Might drink my noble health. |
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And now, if e'er by chance I put My fingers into glue, Or madly squeeze a right-hand foot Into a left-hand shoe, Or if I drop upon my toe A very heavy weight, I weep, for it reminds me so Of that old man I used to know— Whose look was mild, whose speech was slow, Whose hair was whiter than the snow, Whose face was very like a crow, With eyes, like cinders, all a-glow, Who seem'd distracted with his woe, Who rocked his body to and fro, And muttered mumblingly and low, As if his mouth were full of dough; Who snorted like a buffalo That summer ev'ning, long ago, A-sitting on a gate! |
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Queen Alice
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To the Looking-Glass world it was Alice that said, "I've a sceptre in hand, I've a crown on my head; Let the Looking-Glass creatures, whatever they be, Come and dine with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me!" Then fill up the glasses as quick as you can, And sprinkle the table with buttons and bran: Put cats in the coffee, and mice in the tea— And welcome Queen Alice with thirty-times-three! "Oh, Looking-Glass creatures," quoth Alice, "draw near! 'Tis an honour to see me, a favour to hear: 'Tis a privilege high to have dinner and tea Along with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me!" Then fill up the glasses with treacle and ink, Or anything else that is pleasant to drink; Mix sand with the cider, and wool with the wine— And welcome Queen Alice with ninety-times-nine! |
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The Fish Riddle
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1. "First, the fish must be caught." That is easy: a baby, I think, could have caught it. "Next, the fish must be bought." That is easy: a penny, I think, would have bought it. "Now, cook me the fish!" That is easy, and will not take more than a minute. "Let it lie in a dish!" That is easy, because it already is in it! 2. "Bring it here! Let me sup!" It is easy to set such a dish on the table. "Take the dish-cover up!" Ah, that is so hard that I fear I'm unable! For it holds it like glue— Holds the lid to the dish, while it lies in the middle: Which is easiest to do, Undish-cover the fish, or dish-cover the riddle? |
Hush-a-by, Lady
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Hush-a-by, lady, in Alice's lap! Till the feast's ready we've time for a nap: When the feast's over we'll go to the ball— Red Queen, and White Queen, and Alice, and all! |