The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Autobiography of a Monkey

This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

Title: The Autobiography of a Monkey

Author: Albert Bigelow Paine

Illustrator: Henry Mayer

Release date: September 4, 2010 [eBook #33629]
Most recently updated: January 6, 2021

Language: English

Credits: Produced by Chris Curnow, monkeyclogs and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This
file was produced from images generously made available
by The Internet Archive)

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A MONKEY ***

THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A MONKEY

FOUND AND PICTURED
BY HY. MAYER

VERSES BY ALBERT BIGELOW PAINE

NEW YORK R. H. RUSSELL

MDCCCXCVII

Copyright 1897
BY
ROBERT HOWARD RUSSELL

Part First.

THE DEPARTURE FROM THE FOREST.

Where the light laughs in through the tree-tops

And sports with the tangled glade,

In the depths of an Afric forest

My earliest scenes were laid.

In a bower that was merry with smilax

From the grimace of no-where, I woke

I was born on the first day of April

And they called me a jungle joke.

And the voices of birds were about me—

And the beat and the flutter of wing;

While morning returned at the trumpet

Of Tusky, our elephant king.

My nurse was a crooning old beldame

Who gazed in the palms of my hands

And vowed I was destined to travel

In many and marvellous lands.

But little I heeded her croaking,

For I gamboled the whole day long,

And swung by my tail from the tree-top,

Or joined in the jungle song.

THE SONG OF THE JUNGLE.

The Elephant:

Oh, I am the lord of the forest and plain!

The Lion, Tigers, etc.:

And we are the beasts that acknowledge your reign!

The Birds:

And we are the minstrels that come at your call!

The Monkeys:

And we are the jesters that laugh at you all!

Chorus, All—

Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes!
The tribes of the jungle are we—
Our home is the darksome wilderness
That never a man shall see.

The Elephant:

Oh, the jungle was meant and was made for my will!

The Lions, Tigers, etc.:

For the sport of the chase and the zest of the kill!

The Birds:

For the beating of wings and the echo of song!

The Monkeys:

For gambol and grimace the whole season long!

Chorus, All:
Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! Oh, yes!
For all of the tribes that be
With homes in the tangled wilderness
That never a man shall see.

But, alas, for the boasts of the jungle!

The men came among us one day,

And one with a box that made music

Enticed foolish monkeys away.

The birds and the beasts of the forest

Were mute at the marvellous song,

But the monkeys crept out of the tree-tops—

An eager and wondering throng.

The birds and the beasts of the forest

Kept hidden and silent that day,

But the monkey-folk formed a procession

And followed the minstrel away.

And thus did we give up the forest

To dwell with our brothers, the men—

Farewell to the beautiful jungle!

'Twas long ere I saw it again!

Part Second.

THE WAYS OF MEN.

Then away to a far distant country

On a drift that they said was a ship,

And I studied the ways of my master

And profited much by the trip.

And we sailed to his home in fair Naples,

Where I studied the language of men,

And I sat on a bench with his children,

But soon we went sailing again.

And I made some nice friends on the voyage,

And engaged in a pretty romance.

I charmed all the ladies by climbing,

And one of them taught me to dance.

Yet often I longed for the jungle—

Its song and the rustle of wing—

And sometimes at night in my slumber

I talked with our elephant king.

One morning my master awoke me,

And, dressed in a gaudy new suit,

I beheld the New World in the sunlight,

And lifted my hat in salute.

And then began troubles and trials—

Through the streets by a string I was led;

Toiling hard all the day for my master,

Yet oft going hungry to bed.

But he sold me at last to a circus

And my lot became easier then,

So I gave many moments of leisure

To acquiring the habits of men.

I copied their manners and customs

I made of each fashion a note;

And the children admired my performance

And the ladies the cut of my coat.

By and by I was sold to a banker

Who was charmed with my ball-rolling feat,

And arrayed in a Fauntleroy costume

I passed all my time on the street.

But alas for my plans of the future!

He died without leaving a cent,

And I had to go out to hard labor

To pay for my victuals and rent;

Till I met with a gentleman's valet

Who was like me in manner and face,

And I told him some stories that pleased him

And bribed him to give me his place.

Then I started to serve my new master—

A bachelor cynic was he,

Who quickly saw through the deception

And made a proposal to me.

Said he: "You're a monkey, you rascal,

And an excellent type of the brood;

Let's play a good joke on society

By passing you off as a dude."

So he took me at first to his barber,

Who shaved me and shortened my hair,

And the last tangled trace of the jungle

Was gone when I rose from his chair.

And then to his tailor and hatter—

His hosier and all of the rest,

Till at night I was changed from a monkey

To a chappie most stylishly dressed.

And standing alone and reflecting

I thought of the why and the how,

And I wondered what Tusky was doing

And what would the jungle say, now.

Part Third.

THE BUTTERFLY WHIRL.

It was then for the triumphs of conquest!

Oh, then for the life of the swell!

I dwelt like a lord with my patron

In a suite of a gilded hotel.

And we went out to plays and to dinners—

On the ladies he took me to call—

And once we received invitations

To a beautiful fancy-dress ball.

'Twas a famous affair and it won me,

With its titter and tinsel and tune,

For it carried me back to the jungle

And the monkey-dance under the moon.

Then I mingled with other diversions.

I learned how to paint and to ride;

I cut a great figure at polo—

The science of golfing I tried.

As a wheelman I soon became famous

And made a great score on the track—

I was known as the king of the scorchers,

With the typical bicycle back.

Then a girl who was youthful and silly

Made love to me just for a lark,

And came with an elegant turnout

And took me to drive in the park.

And I took her out boating next morning,

For the face of my charmer was fair;

It carried me back to the jungle—

To the flow'rs that were blossoming there.

But soon, in the midst of my pleasure,

In the glow of a roseate dream,

The boat struck a rock and tipped over

And tumbled us both in the stream.

Then, ho, for the skill of the jungle!

The deftness of foot and of hand!

For I hung from a limb and I saved her

And drew her at last to the strand.

And then to her home I went proudly

To claim the fair maid for my own,

But her father demanded a title,

And hardened his heart like a stone.

And now came the death of my patron,

That left me alone in the strife,

And yearning once more for the jungle,

I turned to political life.

Part Fourth.

THE RETURN PATH.

Then I studied a week to gain knowledge,

And waded through volumes of stuff,

And I found that the only requirements

Were cunning and blarney and bluff.

And these I had brought from the jungle—

Inherited straight from my race—

With a gift for political music

And a truly political face.

Thus feeling at home in my labors,

My plan was successful, of course,

And when they came round with appointments

They gave me a job on "the force."

And such was my skill as a roundsman,

And talent in keeping the peace,

That I rose in a year to be Captain,

And then to be Chief of Police!

And then, as my years were advancing,

So great was their honor and trust,

That they twined me a chaplet of laurel

And sculptured in marble my bust.

Yet often I dreamed of the jungle—

Its song and the rustle of wing—

And sometimes still talked in my slumber

With Tusky, our elephant king.

When, lo, my political party,

That now was in power and supreme,

Conferred a most noble appointment

That realized all of my dream.

For they made me their African envoy,

And soon I went sailing again,

To meet my old playmates and tell them

The ways and the customs of men.

To calm the dusk native, and gather

My people in sun-haunted nooks

To tell them my story, and teach them

The wisdom that cometh of books;

The words and the ways of their fathers,

And deliver my race from its ban,

For man did not spring from the monkey,

But monkey descended from man!