The Century Handbook of Writing

Fragments Wrongly Used as Sentences

1. Do not write a subordinate part of a sentence as if it were a complete sentence.

• Wrong: He stopped short. Hearing some one approach.
• Right: He stopped short, hearing some one approach. [Or] Hearing some one approach, he stopped short.
• Wrong: The winters are cold. Although the summers are pleasant.
• Right: Although the summers are pleasant, the winters are cold.
• Wrong: The hunter tried to move the stone. Which he found very heavy.
• Right: The hunter tried to move the stone, which he found very heavy. [Or] The hunter tried to move the stone. He found it very heavy.

Note.—A sentence must in itself express a complete thought. Phrases or subordinate clauses, if used alone, carry only an incomplete meaning. They must therefore be attached to a sentence, or restated in independent form. Elliptical expressions used in conversation may be regarded as exceptions: Where? At what time? Ten o'clock. By no means. Certainly. Go.

Exercise:

1. My next experience was in a grain elevator. Where I worked for two summers.
2. The parts of a fountain pen are: first, the point. This is gold. Second, the body.
3. The form is set rigidly. So that it will not be displaced when the concrete is thrown in.
4. There are several reasons to account for the swarming of bees. One of these having already been mentioned.
5. Since June the company has increased its trade three per cent. Since August, five per cent.

Incomplete Constructions

2. Do not leave uncompleted a construction which you have begun.

• Wrong: You remember that in his speech in which he said he would oppose the bill.
• Right: You remember that in his speech he said he would oppose the bill. [Or] You remember the speech in which he said he would oppose the bill.
• Wrong: He was a young man who, coming from the country, with ignorance of city ways, but with plenty of determination to succeed.
• Right: He was a young man who, coming from the country, was ignorant of city ways, but had plenty of determination to succeed.
• Wrong: From the window of the train I perceived one of those unsightly structures.
• Right: From the window of the train I perceived one of those unsightly structures which are always to be seen near a station.

Exercise:

1. As far as his having been deceived, there is a difference of opinion on that matter.
2. The fact that he was always in trouble, his parents wondered whether he should remain in school or not.
3. People who go back to the scenes of their childhood everything looks strangely small.
4. It was the custom that whenever a political party came into office, for the incoming men to discharge all employees of the opposite party.
5. Although the average man, if asked whether he could shoot a rabbit, would answer in the affirmative, even though he had never hunted rabbits, would find himself badly mistaken.

Necessary Words Omitted

3. Do not omit a word or a phrase which is necessary to an immediate understanding of a sentence.

• Ambiguous: I consulted the secretary and president. [Did the speaker consult one man or two?]
• Right: I consulted the secretary and the president. [Or] I consulted the man who was president and secretary.
• Ambiguous: Water passes through the cement as well as the bricks.
• Right: Water passes through the cement as well as through the bricks.
• Wrong: I have had experience in every phase of the automobile.
• Right: I have had experience in every phase of automobile driving and repairing.
• Wrong: About him were men whom he could not tell whether they were friends or foes.
• Right: About him were men regarding whom he could not tell whether they were friends or foes. [Or, better] About him were men who might have been either friends or foes.

Exercise:

1. When still a small boy, my family moved to Centerville.
2. Constantly in conversation with some one broadens our ideas and our vocabulary.
3. It was a trick which opposing teams were sure to be baffled.
4. They departed for the battle front with the knowledge they might never return.
5. At the banquet were all classes of people; I met a banker and plumber.

Comparisons

4. Comparisons must be completed logically.

• Wrong: His speed was equal to a racehorse.
• Wrong: Of course my opinion is worth less than a lawyer.
• Wrong: The shells which are used in quail hunting are different than in rabbit hunting.

Compare a thing with another thing, an abstraction with another abstraction. Do not carelessly compare a thing with a part or quality of another thing. Always ask yourself: What is compared with what?

• Right: His speed was equal to that of a racehorse.
• Right: Of course my opinion is worth less than a lawyer's.
• Right: The shells used in quail hunting are different from those used in rabbit hunting.
• Self-contradictory: Chicago is larger than any city in Illinois.
• Right: Chicago is larger than any other city in Illinois.
• Impossible: Chicago is the largest of any other city in Illinois.
• Right: Chicago is the largest of all the cities in Illinois. [Or] Chicago is the largest city in Illinois.

Note.—After a comparative, the subject of the comparison should be excluded from the class with which it is compared; after a superlative, the subject of the comparison should be included within the class.

• Wrong:
  • taller of all the girls.
  • tallest of any girl.
• Right:
  • taller than any other girl [comparative].
  • tallest of all the girls [superlative].

Exercise:

1. The climate of America helps her athletes to become superior to other countries.
2. This tobacco is the best of any other on the market.
3. You men are paid three dollars more than any other factory in the city.
4. I thought I was best fitted for an engineering course than any other.
5. Care should be taken not to turn in more cattle than the grass in the pasture.

Cause and Reason

5. A simple statement of fact may be completed by a because clause.

• Right: I am late because I was sick.

But a statement containing the reason is must be completed by a that clause.

• Wrong: The reason I am late is because I was sick. [The "reason" is not a "because"; the "reason" is the fact of sickness.]
• Right: The reason I am late is that I was sick.

Because, the conjunction, may introduce an adverbial clause only.

• Wrong: Because a man wears old clothes is no proof that he is poor. [A because clause cannot be the subject of is.]
• Right: The fact that a man wears old clothes is no proof that he is poor. [Or] The wearing of old clothes is not proof that a man is poor.

Note.—Because of, owing to, on account of, introduce adverbial phrases only. Due to and caused by introduce adjectival phrases only.

• Wrong: He failed, due to weak eyes. [Due is an adjective; it cannot modify a verb.]
• Right: His failure was
  • due to
  • caused by
  • because of
  weak eyes.
• Right: He failed
  • owing to
  • on account of
  weak eyes.

Exercise:

1. The reason why I would not buy a Ford car is because it is too light.
2. My second reason for coming here is because of social advantages.
3. Because John is rich does not make him happier than I.
4. Because I like farming is the reason I chose it.
5. The only reason why vegetation does not grow here is because of the lack of water.

is when or is where Clauses

6. Do not use a when or where clause as a predicate noun. Do not define a word by saying it is a "when" or a "where". Define a noun by another noun, a verb by another verb, etc.

• Wrong: The great event is when the train arrives.
• Right: The great event is the arrival of the train.
• Wrong: Immigration is where foreigners come into a country.
• Right: Immigration is the entering of foreigners into a country.
• Wrong: A simile is when one object is compared with another.
• Right: A simile is a figure of speech in which one object is compared with another.

Note.—A definition of a term is a statement which (1) names the class to which the term belongs, and (2) distinguishes it from other members of the class. Example. A quadrilateral is a plane figure having four sides and four angles. To test a definition ask whether it separates the term defined from all other things. If the definition does not do this, it is incomplete. Define California (so as to exclude other states), window (so as to exclude door), star (exclude moon), night, rain, circle, Bible, metal, mile, rectangle.

Exercise:

1. The pistol shot is when the race begins.
2. A snob is when a man treats others as inferior socially.
3. The wireless telegraph is where messages are sent a long distance through the air.
4. The definition of usury is where one charges interest higher than the legal rate.
5. Biology is when one studies plant and animal life.

Undeveloped Thought

7. Do not halfway express an idea. If the idea is important, develop it. If it is not important, omit it.

• Incomplete: We were now quite sure that we had lost our way, and Jack said he had a business engagement that night.
• Better: We were now quite sure that we had lost our way, a fact which was all the more annoying as Jack said he had a business engagement that night.
• Puzzling: Since McAndrew had inherited money, his suitcase was plastered with labels.
• Right: Since McAndrew had inherited money, he had traveled extensively. His suitcase was plastered with the labels of foreign hotels.
• Careless: In looking for gasoline troubles, we forgot to see whether the tank was supplied.
• Right: In looking for the cause of the trouble, we forgot to see whether the tank was supplied with gasoline.

Note.—In giving information about books, do not confuse the title with the contents or some part of the contents. Be accurate in referring to the time, scene, action, plot, or characters.

• Loose thinking: Shakespeare's Hamlet occurs in Denmark [The scene is laid?]. Many passages are powerful, especially the grave-digging [Is grave-digging a passage?]. The character of Horatio is a noble fellow [conception], and the same is true of Ophelia [Ophelia a fellow?]. The drama takes place over several weeks. [The action covers a period of several weeks.]

Exercise:

1. The victrola brings to the home the world's musical ability.
2. The user of Dietzgen instruments is not vexed by numerous troubles that accompany the inferior makes.
3. To the picnicker rainy weather is bad weather, while the farmer raises a big crop.
4. Some diseases can be checked by preventives, and in many cases can be of great use to an army.
5. This idea of breaking all records held for eating is naturally harmful to the digestion, and these important organs may thank their stars that Christmas does not come very often.

Transitions

The state of mind of a writer is not the state of mind of his reader. The writer knows his ideas, and has spent much time with them. The reader meets these ideas for the first time, and must gather them in at a glance. The relation between two ideas may be clear to the writer, and not at all clear to the reader. Therefore,

8. In passing from one thought to another, make the connection clear. If necessary, insert a word, a phrase, or even a sentence, to carry the reader safely across.

• Space transition needed: We were surprised to see a house in the distance, but we went to the door and knocked. [This sentence does not give a reader the effect of distance.]
• Better: We were surprised to see a house in the distance. But we hastened toward it with thoughts of a warm meal and a good lodging. We entered the yard, and went up to the door, and knocked.
• Exterior-interior transition needed: We noticed that the house was built of cobblestones. There was a broad window from which we could look out upon the small stream that dashed down the rocky hillside.
• Better: We noticed that the house was built of cobblestones. We went inside, and found that the living room was large and airy. There was a broad window from which we could look out upon the small stream that dashed down the rocky hillside.
• Cause transition lacking: The Romans were great road-builders. They wished to maintain their empire.
• Better: The Romans were great road-builders, because means of moving troops quickly were necessary to the maintenance of their empire.
• General-to-particular transition needed: Modern machinery often makes men its slaves. Last summer I worked for the Chandler Company. [This gap in thought occurs oftenest between the first two sentences of a paragraph or theme.]
• Better: Modern machinery often makes men its slaves. This truth is well illustrated by my own experience. Last summer I worked for the Chandler Company.
• Transition to be improved by changing order: A careless trainer may spoil a good colt. A good horse can never be made of a vicious colt. [Here the order of ideas is: "Trainer ... colt. Horse ... colt." Turn the last sentence end for end.]
• Better: A careless trainer may spoil a good colt. And a vicious colt can never be made a good horse. [Now the order of ideas is "Trainer ... colt. Colt ... horse."]
• Transition to be improved by removal of a disturbing element: Our class in physics last week visited a pumping station in which the Corliss type of steam engine is used. The engines are manufactured by the Allis-Chalmers Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. This type of engine is used because it has several advantages. [The italicized sentence should be omitted here, and used later in the theme.]

Note.—The divisions of thought within a paragraph may likewise be indicated by connectives: however, on the other hand, equally important, another interesting problem is, for this reason, the remedy for this, so much for, it remains to mention, of course I admit, finally. (For a longer list see 36.) Such phrases are also useful in linking one paragraph to another.

When a student first learns the art, he is likely to use transition phrases in excess, and produce something like the following: "When I have to write a theme, I first think of my subject. As soon as I have my subject, I take out my paper. On the paper I then make a rough outline." This abuse of transition causes an overlapping of thought, like shingles laid three inches to the weather. An abrupt transition is better than wordiness.

Exercise:

1. The shore looked far off. Then we reached it.
2. A light snow was falling last night. This is a good day for hunting rabbits.
3. A dollar is often a large sum. I sold newspapers when I was a boy.
4. Many English words still preserve their old meanings. There is the teller in the bank.
5. We had to walk half a mile across the pastures in the fresh morning air. Exercise indoors does not arouse much zest or enthusiasm.

9. EXERCISE IN COMPLETENESS OF THOUGHT

A. Fragments Misused as Sentences

1. He gave me a flower. Which was wilted.
2. The gasoline flows through the supply tube to the carburetor. Where it should vaporize and enter the cylinders.
3. People of all ages were there. Old men, young women, and even children.
4. He told us that you had a good standing among business men. That you always met your bills promptly.
5. Excuse Everett Smith from school this morning. He having the measles.
6. The internal combustion engine may be either one of two types. The two cycle or the four cycle.
7. The young men and women acted like children. Who should have known better.
8. There was a cross cow in the pasture. Which had long horns.
9. Bacteria are microscopic organisms. Especially found where milk or some other substance decomposes.
10. We pass on down the street. The buildings rising two or three stories high on either side.
11. The Y. M. C. A. enables you to keep your religious interests alive. As well as to associate with clean young men.
12. She wasted her time on foolish clothes. While her mother took in washing.
13. He was dressed in a ridiculous fashion. Wearing, for instance, an orange necktie.
14. The point is similar to that of the ordinary steel pen, except that it is made of gold. Gold being used on account of its greater smoothness and durability.
15. Tire troubles have been made less formidable by the invention of a compact, efficient little vulcanizer. A factory for making which is now being built.

B. Incomplete Constructions

1. When one year old, my mother died.
2. Yours received, and in reply would say your order has been filled.
3. While in there a man came in and bought a quarter's worth of soap.
4. War is largely dependent upon the engineers to design new machinery.
5. When you talk to a man look at him, not the floor or ceiling.
6. In writing a book, an author's first one is usually not very good.
7. Every summer while in high school, our family has gone to our cottage on Lake Michigan.
8. When a boy, Mary was my best friend.
9. There is, however, another reason a person should know how to swim.
10. I think more of her than anyone else.
11. Corrupt laws are often the means rich people obtain the earnings of others.
12. A hundred dollars invested in a warning signal, future accidents would be prevented.
13. Electric transmission is sometimes used on automobiles more of an experiment than anything else.
14. Was delighted to hear from you. Glad to hear you entered the wholesale business. Wish you success.
15. As a rule people eat too much. This point should be noticed, and not overwork the digestive organs.

C. Incomplete Logic

1. His neck is as long as a giraffe.
2. His name was David Meek, from New Hampshire.
3. The Pacific Ocean is larger than any ocean.
4. Because he never worked led to his failure.
5. A monitor is where a heavily armored boat of light draft can go near the shore.
6. Democracy is when people, through representatives, govern themselves.
7. The story of Huckleberry Finn is in reality Mark Twain himself.
8. Because a man has money is no reason why he should be lazy.
9. The character of Sydney Carton is the real hero of this novel.
10. A forester leads an interesting life is the reason I want to be one.
11. Tact is where a man anticipates the criticism of others, and acts with discretion.
12. The comfort of a modern house is much greater than the old-time house.
13. Free trade is when no revenue is collected on imports, beyond enough to run the government.
14. The cost of room, board, and tuition is low at this school, compared to the more fashionable schools.
15. The theme of this novel tells how a peasant, Jean Valjean, from a convict comes to be a respected citizen.

D. Undeveloped Thought and Transitions

1. As you enter this room, to the left is an interesting painting of the Canterbury Pilgrims.
2. Poe delights in fantastic plots. A pirate's treasure chest was discovered in The Gold Bug.
3. I got up and ate a bite of breakfast. A few of my friends came over. We went to play golf.
4. All the loose material on the trail is carried off by the rush of the water. The last time I was on it was in early summer, and I found it in this rough condition.
5. I managed to find the softest board in the floor and went to sleep. Some of the boys found pleasure in arousing me with a shower of cold water.
6. Under guise of friendly escort the Indians accompanied the inhabitants of the fort a few miles. Only three escaped the massacre.
7. Many people say that in civil engineering it depends on the prosperity of the country; in hard times they do not build and in good times they do build.
8. Canada has more forests than minerals. Canada has made only a start in the lumber industry. The minerals are found, for the most part, in the mountain district near Lake Superior.
9. Thanksgiving day, as we are told, is a day on which our Puritan forefathers gathered round the roast turkey and gave thanks to God for his goodness. Last Thanksgiving I was at home.
10. The old method was to dig the holes by hand, and drop two or three kernels in each hole. Corn has become a staple crop. Machinery is used. The preparing of a field for corn has become a science.

UNITY OF THOUGHT

Unrelated Ideas in One Sentence

10. Do not combine ideas which have no obvious relation to each other. Place the ideas in separate sentences. Or, write the ideas as one sentence, making their relation obvious.

• Wrong: The Spartans did not care for literature, and lived in the southern part of Greece.
• Wrong: The coffee business is not difficult to learn, and the most important work in preparing coffee for the market is the roasting of the green berries.

The simplest method of correction is to divide the sentence.

• Right: The Spartans lived in the southern part of Greece. They did not care for literature.
• Right: The coffee business is not difficult to learn. The most important work in preparing the coffee for the market is the roasting of the green berries.

Another method of correction is to subordinate one idea to the other, or to change the wording until the relation between the ideas is obvious.

• Right: The Spartans, who lived in the southern part of Greece, did not care for literature.
• Right: The coffee business is not difficult to learn, since the only important work in preparing the coffee for the market is the roasting of the green berries.

Exercise:

1. Franklin is often regarded as the typical American, and wrote an interesting autobiography.
2. Coal miners wear little oil lamps in their caps, and they seldom receive very good wages.
3. My neighbor, Mr. Houghton, was always a very good friend of mine, and died last night.
4. I dropped the clock and injured the works, but the jeweler told me it would be cheaper for me to buy a new clock.
5. The next thing the camper should do is to make a bed, and the branches of the spruce are the best.

Excessive Detail

11. Do not encumber the main idea of a sentence with superfluous details. Place some of the details in another sentence, or omit them.

• Faulty: In the town in which I live there are several large churches, and about six o'clock one morning, in a violent storm, one of these churches was struck by lightning.
• Right: In my home town there are several large churches. One morning about six o'clock, in a violent storm, one of these churches was struck by lightning.
• Wrong: In 1836, in Baltimore, Poe married Virginia Clemm, his cousin, who was hardly more than a child, being then fourteen years old, while Poe himself was twenty-eight, and to her he wrote much of his best verse.
• Right: In 1836 Poe married Virginia Clemm. Poe was then twenty-eight, and Virginia was only fourteen. To this girl Poe wrote much of his best verse.

Exercise:

1. The house with the red tile roof is the finest in the city, and is owned by Mr. Saunders, who made his money speculating in land.
2. Then the engine tilted and fell over on one side, and the boiler exploded and added to the frightful scene.
3. The deer whose antlers you see over the fireplace as you enter the room was shot by my Uncle Will, who is now in South America on a hunting expedition.
4. The seeds, which have previously been soaked in water over night, are now planted carefully, not too deep, in straight rows sixteen inches apart, the best time being in April, when the ground is soft and has been thoroughly spaded.
5. One day last week my employer, Mr. Conway, a jolly, peculiar man, raised my salary, first telling me I was about to be discharged, and laughing at me when I looked so surprised.

Stringy Sentences to be Broken up

12. Avoid stringy compound sentences. The crude, rambling style which results from their use may be corrected by separating the material into shorter sentences, or by subordinating lesser ideas to the main thought.

• Faulty: The second speaker had sat quietly waiting, and he was a man of a different type, and he began calmly, yet from the very first words he showed great earnestness.
• Right: The second speaker, who had sat quietly waiting, was a man of a different type. He began calmly, yet from his very first words he showed great earnestness.
• Faulty: There are many stops on the organ which control the tones of the different pipes and one has to learn how and when to use these and this takes time and practice.
• Right: On the organ are many stops which control the tones of the different pipes. To learn how and when to use these takes time and practice.
• Faulty: He published prose fiction, and this was then the accepted literary form, and the drama was neglected.
• Better: He published prose fiction, which was then the accepted literary form, the drama being neglected. [This sentence makes three statements in a diminishing series. The important idea is expressed in a main clause; a less important explanation is fitted into a relative clause; and a still less important comment takes a parenthetical phrase at the end.]

Note.—One of the crying faults of the immature writer is that by excessive coördination he obscures the fine shades of meaning. When two clauses are joined, the meaning will very often be more exact if one is subordinated to the other. For a list of subordinating connectives, see 36.

Exercise:

1. He went down town, and it began to rain, and so he decided to go to the city library.
2. There is an old saying which I have often heard and I believe in it to a certain extent, and it runs as follows: The more you live at your wit's end, the more the wit's end grows.
3. Our salesman, Mr. Powers, has spoken very favorably of your firm, and we feel that our relations will be most pleasant, and the report of the commercial agencies is sufficient evidence of your good financial standing.
4. There was no escaping from this churn, so one of the frogs, after a brief struggle thought that he might just as well die one time as another, and so he gave up and sank to the bottom.
5. Socrates did no writing himself, and the only information we have of him we get from the writings of his pupils and from later writers, and our most reliable knowledge comes from two of these writers, Plato and Xenophon.

Choppy Sentences to be Combined

13. Do not use two or three short sentences to express ideas which will make a more unified impression in one sentence. Place subordinate ideas in subordinate grammatical constructions.

• Excessive predication: Excavating is the first operation in street paving. The excavating is usually done by means of a steam shovel. The shovel scoops up the dirt and loads it directly into wagons.
• Right: Excavating, the first operation in street paving, is usually done by a steam shovel which loads the dirt directly into wagons.
• Monotonous: The doe is wading along the shore. She is nibbling the lily pads as she goes. Now she moves slowly around the point. She has a little spotted fawn with her. The fawn frolics along at the heels of his mother.
• Better: Wading along the shore, the doe nibbles the lily pads by the way, and moves slowly around the point. A spotted fawn frolics at her heels.
• Primer style: Rooms are marked on the floor. These rooms are about fourteen feet square.
• Better: The floor is marked off into rooms about fourteen feet square.

Note.—An occasional short sentence is permissible, even desirable. Successive short sentences may be used to express rapid action, or emphatic assertion, or deliberate simplicity. Otherwise, avoid them.

Exercise:

1. Decatur has wide streets. The streets are paved with brick, asphalt, and creosote blocks.
2. Sixteen posts are set in a row. All of these are at equal intervals.
3. The boat approaches the leeward side of the ship. This side is the side protected from the wind.
4. The Scientific American reports the progress of science. It explains new inventions. It makes practical applications of scientific principles.
5. The beans are usually harvested about the middle of September. They are cut when the plants turn color at the roots and the beans turn white. They are cut by a bean-cutter which takes two rows at a time.

Excessive Coördination

14. Do not use coördination when subordination will secure a more clear and emphatic unit of thought. Especially do not coördinate a main idea with an explanatory detail. The speech of children connects all ideas, important and unimportant, with and. Discriminating writers place minor ideas in subordinate clauses, consign still less important ideas to participial or prepositional phrases, and omit trivial details altogether.

• Childish: I went down town and saw a crowd standing in the street, and wanted to know what was the matter, and so I went up and asked a man.
• Right: When I went down town, I saw a crowd standing in the street, and since I wanted to know what was the matter, I asked a man. [Two clauses are subordinated by the use of when and since. This change abolishes two ands. The words went up and are struck out. One and remains, and deserves to remain, for it joins two ideas which are truly coördinate.]
• Main idea not emphasized: I talked with an old man and his name was Ned.
• Better: I talked with an old man named Ned. [A participial phrase replaces a clause. The name is now subordinated.]
• Main idea not emphasized: Developing is the next step in preparing the film, and it is very important.
• Better: Developing, the next step in preparing the film, is very important. [An appositional phrase replaces the first predicate.]
• Main idea not emphasized: They began their perilous journey, and they had four horses.
• Right [emphasizing perilous journey]: With four horses they began their perilous journey. [A prepositional phrase replaces a clause.]
• Right [emphasizing having the horses]: When they began their perilous journey, they had four horses. [A subordinate clause replaces a main clause.]
• Capable of greater unity: The frog is a stupid animal, and may be caught with a hook baited with red flannel. [Is the writer trying to tell us how to catch frogs, or merely that frogs are stupid? Coördination makes the two ideas appear equally important.]
• Right [emphasizing frogs are stupid]: The fact that the frog can be caught with a hook baited with red flannel proves his stupidity.
• Right [emphasizing how to catch frogs]: The frog, being stupid, will bite at a piece of red flannel.

Exercise:

1. Men were sent to Panama and could not live in such unsanitary conditions.
2. When a letter came and it bore a familiar handwriting, I always opened it eagerly.
3. West Hickory is the name of the place where the tannery is situated, and it is a laboring man's town.
4. She wore a dress and it was silk, and cost her father a lot of money.
5. Every race horse has a care taker or groom, and this man spends all his time and makes the horse comfortable.

Faulty Subordination of the Main Thought

15. Do not put the principal statement of a sentence in a subordinate clause or phrase. This violation of unity is sometimes called "upside-down subordination".

• Faulty: I was going down the street, when I heard an explosion. [If hearing the explosion is the main thought, it should be placed in the main clause.]
• Right: When I was going down the street, I heard an explosion.
• Faulty: Longstreet received orders to attack the Federal right wing, which he did immediately.
• Right: As soon as Longstreet received orders, he attacked the Federal right wing.
• Faulty: I suspected that it would rain, although I did not take an umbrella.
• Right: Although I suspected that it would rain, I did not take an umbrella.

Exercise:

1. An old man used to work for us, who died yesterday.
2. He became angry, saying he positively refused to go.
3. He is a bright boy, although I should not want to trust him with my pocketbook.
4. He had an ambition which was to become the best lawyer in the state by the time he was forty years old.
5. The cable breaks and the elevator starts to drop, when the safety device always operates at once to prevent an accident.

Subordination Thwarted by and

16. Do not attach to a main clause by means of and, a word, phrase, or clause which you intend shall be subordinate. The presence of and thwarts subordination.

• Wrong: Major went to bed, and leaving the work unfinished.
• Right: Major went to bed, leaving the work unfinished.
• Wrong: He ran home and with coat tails flying.
• Right: He ran home with coat tails flying.

Exercise:

1. They denied my request, and giving no reason for the refusal.
2. He gave me his answer and in few words.
3. The girl stood on the edge of the cliff, and thus showing that she was not afraid.
4. A telegraph line is leased by the Associated Press, and thus giving the newspapers quick service.
5. When the summer passed, the fisherman returned home for the winter, and where he renewed his acquaintance with the villagers.

The and which construction

17. Use and which (or but which), and who (or but who) only between relative clauses similar in form. Between a main clause and a relative clause, and or but thwarts subordination.

• Wrong: This is an important problem, and which we shall not find easy to solve.
• Right: This problem is an important problem, which we shall not find easy to solve.
• Right: This problem is one which is important, and which we cannot easily solve.
• Wrong: Les Miserables is a novel of great interest and which everybody should read.
• Right: Les Miserables is a novel of great interest, and one which everybody should read.
• Wrong: Their chief opponent was Winter, a shrewd politician, but who is now less popular than he was.
• Right: Their chief opponent was Winter, a shrewd politician, who is now less popular than he was.

Note.—Rule 17 is sometimes briefly stated: "Do not use and which unless you have already used which in the sentence." This statement is generally true, but an exception must be made for sentences like the following: Right: "He told me what countries he had visited, and which ones he liked most."

Exercise:

1. Just outside is a small porch looking out over the street, and which can be used for sleeping purposes.
2. She is a woman of pleasing personality, and who can converse intelligently.
3. It is a difficult task, but which can be accomplished in time.
4. He is a good-looking man, but who is very snobbish.
5. The rule made by the conference of college professors in 1896, and which has been followed ever since, applies to the case we are considering.

Unity Thwarted by Punctuation
The Comma Splice

18. Do not splice two independent statements by means of a comma. Write two sentences. Or, if the two statements together form a unit of thought, combine them (1) by a comma plus a conjunction, (2) by a semicolon, or (3) by reducing one of the statements to a phrase or a subordinate clause.

• Wrong: The town has two railroads, it was founded when oil was discovered.
• Right: The town has two railroads. It was founded when oil was discovered.
• Wrong: The speed of the car seemed slower than it really was, this was due, no doubt, to the absence of all noise. [Here are three commas. The reader cannot quickly discover which one marks the great division of thought.]
• Right: The speed of the car seemed slower than it really was. This was due, no doubt, to the absence of all noise.
• Wrong: The winters were long and cold, nothing could live without shelter.
• Right: The winters were long and cold. Nothing could live without shelter.
• Right: The winters were long and cold, and nothing could live without shelter [For the use of the comma, see 91a].
• Right: The winters were long and cold; nothing could live without shelter [For the use of the semicolon see 92].
• Right: The winters were so long and cold that nothing could live without shelter.

Exception.—Short coördinate clauses which are parallel in structure and leave a unified impression, may be joined by commas, even though the conjunctions be omitted.

• Right: All was excitement. The ducks quacked, the pigs squealed, the dogs barked. [The general idea excitement gives the three clauses a certain unity.]

Exercise:

1. The key is turned to the right, this unlocks the door.
2. The author keeps one guessing, there is no hint how the story will end.
3. The farmer is independent, he has no task-master.
4. There has been a change of government, in fact there has been a revolution.
5. Lamb had failed in poetry, in the drama, and in the novel, in the essay, at last, he succeeded.

19. EXERCISE IN UNITY OF THOUGHT

A. The Comma Splice

1. The canoe is long and narrow, it is made of birch bark.
2. I decided to serve tea, of course cream and sugar would be needed.
3. Some men hunt rabbits for market purposes only, they are the sportsman's enemies.
4. This city furnished many boats for the siege of Calais, when these boats returned they brought the plague with them.
5. The bottom of the box is then put in, it is nailed to the sides.
6. It is not easy to become a good musician, one must practice continually.
7. The Northern and Southern states could not be separate nations, there was no natural boundary between them.
8. The telephone is a great invention, it is very useful to the farmer.
9. Why would no one come to help me, my feet ached and I was thirsty.
10. I know a girl who has a cynical disposition, she is always criticizing.
11. I went into the office hopeless, a dime stood between me and starvation.
12. The construction of the bridge has much to do with the tone of a violin, it should be lower on the side nearest the E string.
13. A private expense account does not require much labor or time, just one hour a week will suffice to keep tract of all expenditures.
14. We offer you sixty dollars a month to start, this is all we can afford to pay at present.
15. He wanted personal success but would not shirk a duty or harm any one in any way to gain that success, at all times he forgot his own personal importance and was ready to do any task set before him.

B. One Thought in a Sentence

1. She was born in Atlanta, Georgia, on September 30, 1902, where she has lived ever since and is now well known.
2. Franklin was kindly, shrewd, and capable, and was the representative of the United States in France.
3. She said that Mrs. Brown was ill and that she was just caring for the baby, she loved babies anyway, she said.
4. One Sunday afternoon there was an excursion to Beaver and several of us decided to go and take our lunches and return on the eight o'clock car.
5. He gave me the dimensions of the room. The dimensions were ten by twelve feet.
6. Good grades may be obtained in two ways: by honest work, and by cheating; however any one who cheats is doing himself more harm than good.
7. The wall studding is made of two-by-fours. These two-by-fours are placed sixteen inches apart.
8. The returning Crusaders brought with them oriental learning, and found the peasantry impoverished.
9. The articles in this magazine are of high quality. The articles are well written and attractively illustrated.
10. A Japanese woman going abroad at night must carry a lighted lamp and must not speak to any one, women do not have much freedom in Japan.
11. The sugar beets are irrigated by river water. They are irrigated by means of furrows. The furrows run between the rows of beets. The beets are irrigated once a week.
12. The referee asked each captain if his men were ready, after which he blew the whistle, and the game was on, and within five minutes our team scored a touchdown.
13. The ground should be harrowed as soon as possible after it is plowed. It is a good plan to harrow the ground on the same day that it is plowed, or on the day following.
14. Choose the middle of the prepared ground, which is about eighty-five by fifty feet, as your starting point, measure twenty-four feet east and west and set the net posts; then, after marking off the different courts with tape, you are ready for a good game of tennis.
15. There are two places on the island suitable for plays: one in the bungalow and the other down on the sandy point; the latter lends itself to the purpose readily, there are two trees which make a splendid support for wires on which to hang the curtain, and just east of these the ground slopes enough to make a natural amphitheater.

C. Excessive Coördination