FROSTING A BUD
McKinley—John, I am greatly troubled.
Hay—Permit me to send for the head of the Bureau of Exculpation and Avoidance.
McK.—Not to-day; it is another kind of matter.
H.—Ah, then; the Lord High Disheartener of the Importunate——
McK.—No, no, John, it is about you.
H.—About me? Surely, you do not mean—you cannot think that another change in the Cabinet——
McK.—May you be Secretary of State for a thousand years.
H.—Then speak it out. I have a heart for any fate except one.
McK.—Well, it is this: I have not seen nor heard of anybody who seems to want you for Vice-President. Actually, your name has not been mentioned except by myself.
H.—And to whom were you pleased to mention it, if I may ask?
McK.—To Senator Hanna.
H.—And am I worthy to know what he said?
McK.—It will pain you, John. Mr. Hanna is a strong, coarse man who says what he thinks and never stops to think what he says.
H.—What did he say?
McK.—That you would make a good running mate for a lame tortoise.
H.—Indeed!
McK.—He added that you had been drowned by the British Ambassador in the Nicaragua Canal.
H.—Anything more?
McK.—He said that you parted your beard on the Greenwich meridian.
H.—Yes.
McK.—He said that if asininity had not been invented you would invent it.
[Enter Mark Hanna. Exit, McKinley.]
Mark Hanna—Good-morning, Mr. Secretary.
H.—What is your business with me, sir?
M. H.—Why, John, I came to ask you if you would accept the nomination for Vice-President.
H.—After what you said to the President on that subject, sir——
M. H.—It has never been mentioned between us.
H.—Ho-o-o-wat!
[Falls in a fit of shivers.]
M. H.—The gentleman appears to be indisposed. Guess he was struck by a draft from the Open Door.