A WHITE HOUSE IDYL
President Roosevelt. Shonts, Engineer of the Panama
Canal. Loeb, Private Secretary to the President. The
Adversary of Souls. The Press.
ACT I
PRESIDENT (solus):
There!—’tis to be a lock canal. Now let
The dirt fly.
[Enter Shonts.]
SHONTS:
Very well, sir, don’t you fret;
It will, right speedily, I’m sure. But I—
I’m getting out of this concern. I fly!
[Exit Shonts.]
PRESIDENT:
Now let the heathen rage: their pet sea-level
Canal has gone a-glimmering to the devil.
[Enter Loeb with a card.]
What’s this? “The Adversary.” Just my luck—
Without a rake I get all kinds of muck.
Always that Democrat appears if I
But mention him—I really wonder why.
Of one too many he’s the one. Go say
(sighing)
That I’ll not see him—I’ve seen Shonts to-day.
LOEB:
The gentleman is in the waiting room.
I think he wants to talk about your “boom.”
PRESIDENT:
Wants an appointment in my Cabinet,
And there’s no vacancy.
LOEB:
O you forget—
There’s Hitchcock.
[Enter Adversary.]
PRESIDENT:
Ah, good morning, sir. Delighted!
(aside)
The fellow never waits till he’s invited.
ADVERSARY:
Sir, we have overlooked the unwritten law
Forbidding a third term. You must withdraw.
PRESIDENT (aside):
Come to torment me! How this horrid shape,
Grinning behind his hand like any ape,
Maddens to candor. (Aloud) Brute! you might delay
Your triumph until I have had my day
And nations weep, in slow procession walking——
ADVERSARY:
For him who dug the great canal by talking!
’Twere long to wait unless your tongue were made
By miracle divine into a spade.
PRESIDENT:
Take that, you beast!
[Beats him and chases him off the stage, losing his temper in the scuffle.]
LOEB (solus):
The rogues fall out—sic semper.
As honest man, I will annex his temper.
[Puts President’s temper under his coat and exit.]
ACT II
THE PRESS (solum):
The President “received” last night—all smiles,
Charming the throng with amiable wiles.
But Loeb, with flaming eyes and flying feet,
Sprang in and kicked them all into the street!