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The collector's whatnot

Chapter 3: LIST OF PLATES AND OTHER ILLUSTRATIONS
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About This Book

A satirical compendium framed as the proceedings of an academy devoted to antiques, the work assembles mock-scholarly essays, catalogs, and humorous anecdotes that lampoon collectors, dealers, and scholarly pedantry. Through bogus reports, exaggerated classification schemes, and imagined case studies of disputed objects, it offers practical-sounding advice, absurdist criteria for authenticity, and parodic memorials to zealous antiquarians. Interspersed are witty prefaces, fanciful footnotes, and illustrative sketches that highlight the vanity and pretension of obsession with old things, while also providing whimsical guidance on identifying, valuing, and displaying curios.

LIST OF PLATES AND
OTHER ILLUSTRATIONS

Rear View of the Statue of Professor Kilgallen in Floral Park City, Florida

Frontispiece

Plate I: Old Dutch Ovenside Chair with the Rare Pretzel Back

4

Pair of Wonderful Old French Statuettes now the Property of Dr. Twitchett

10

Plate II: Magnificent Old Flat-Front Early New Jersey Sideboard discovered by Professor Kilgallen in an Obscure Part of Newark

18

Plate III: From Professor Kilgallen’s Collection of Beautiful Old Wood-Carvings: Figure of Pocahontas believed to be the Work of John Alden

26

Old New England Print of the First Meeting of the American Academy for the Popularization of Antiquities

32

Statue erected to Professor Kilgallen in Floral Park City, Florida, by Grateful Citizens of that Community

42

Plate IV: Priceless Bit of Old Staffordshire Ware (a Paper-Weight) Collected by Professor Kilgallen

50

Plate V: Rare Bit of Old Worcestershire Ware

58

Dr. Twitchett and Mrs. Augustula Thomas’s Husband (Mr. Thomas) wearing the Insignia of Full Members of the American Academy for the Popularization of Antiquities

64

The Glass Perfect

68

Plate VI: Old Skipworth Ware: Dog on Paper-Weight

74

Plate VII: Professor Kilgallen’s Magnificent Collection of Early American Utensils, all Hand-wrought, and some Obtained from the Descendants of the Families in which the Articles had been handed down from Father to Son

80

Plate VIII: Colonial Trigle-Stool, discovered in a New Hampshire Woodshed, and purchased for a Mere Song by Professor Kilgallen

86

Plate IX: Cologne Cathedral as it is To-day

94

Plate X: New Design for Cologne Cathedral

94

Plate XI: Colonial Kitchen Sink from the Old Palaver Thompson Mansion in Haverhill

102

Plate XII: Sampler in the Possession of Professor Kilgallen’s Family

110

The Porte-Chapeaux of Noisette à Cheval: “Rising in the night, trouble over the yearning of the bassines to be reunited to their original source”

124

“He knew the old musician suffered from headaches,” etc.

126

The Becket (Actual Size)

128

Profile View of the Porte-Chapeaux of Noisette à Cheval Reconstructed and in Use

130

Reception held by the American Academy for the Popularization of Antiquities on the Lawn before the Academy’s Building at the San Francisco Exposition

136

Old Virginia Four-Poster inlaid with Mahogany

144