You'll find me neither Dupe nor Dunce:
Once you deceived me—only once,
'Twas then when you told me the Truth.
1799. First published from an MS. in 1893. Adapted from Lessing's Sinngedicht No. 45. An einen Lügner. 'Du magst so oft, so fein, als dir nur möglich, lügen.'
10
[ANOTHER VERSION]
Lie on—'tis your duty, sweet youth!
For believe me, then only we find you a cheat
When you cunningly tell us the truth.
1800. First published in Annual Anthology, 1800. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 163.
11
ON AN INSIGNIFICANT[954:1]
Here rots a thing that won by dying:
'Tis Cypher lies beneath this crust—
Whom Death created into dust.
1799. First published from an MS. in 1893. The two last lines were printed for the first time in 1834. Adapted from Lessing's Sinngedicht No. 52. Grabschrift des Nitulus.
Der durch den Tod gewann: er wurde Staub aus Nichts.'
12
[EPIGRAM]
A deadly stench—why, sure they have
Immured his soul within his grave?
1799. First published in Keepsake, 1829, p. 122. Included in Lit. Rem., i. 46. Adapted from Lessing's Sinngedicht No. 27. Auf Lukrins Grab. 'Welch tötender Gestank hier, wo Lukrin begraben.'
13
ON A SLANDERER
There comes a strange mephitic blast.
Here lies—Ha! Backbite, you at last—
'Tis he indeed: and sure as fate,
They buried him in overhaste—
Into the earth he has been cast,
And in this grave,
Before the man had breathed his last.
1799. First published from an MS. in 1893. An expansion of [Epigram] No. 12.
14
LINES IN A GERMAN STUDENT'S ALBUM
Where sheets of paper we did blur many,
And now we're going to sport our knowledge,
In England I, and you in Germany.
First published in Carlyon's Early Years, &c., 1856, i. 68. First collected P. and D. W., ii. 374.
15
[HIPPONA]
Disturb her cheek, nought makes her blush.
Whate'er obscenities you say,
She nods and titters frank and gay.
Oh Shame, awake one honest flush
For this,—that nothing makes her blush.
First published in Morning Post, (?) Aug. 29, 1799. Included in An. Anth., 1800, and in Essays, &c., iii. 971. First collected P. and D. W., ii. 164. Adapted from Lessing's Sinngedicht No. 10. Auf Lucinden. 'Sie hat viel Welt, die muntere Lucinde.'
16
ON A READER OF HIS OWN VERSES
To all and at all times,
And deems them both divinely smooth,
His voice as well as rhymes.
But Mævius makes it clear
That he's a monster of an ass,
An ass without an ear.
First published in Morning Post, Sept. 7, 1799. Included in An. Anth., 1800; Keepsake, 1829, p. 122; Lit. Rem., i. 49. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 162. Adapted from Wernicke's Epigrams, Bk. IX, No. 42. An einen gewissen Pritschmeister. 'Umsonst dass jedermann, dieweil du manches Blatt.'
17
ON A REPORT OF A MINISTER'S DEATH WRITTEN IN GERMANY
That Mr. —— was dead;
Why, then, what said the City?
The tenth part sadly shook their head,
And shaking sigh'd and sighing said,
'Pity, indeed, 'tis pity!'
A rumour wholly without ground,
Why, then, what said the city?
The other nine parts shook their head,
Repeating what the tenth had said,
'Pity, indeed, 'tis pity!'
First published in Morning Post, Sept. 18, 1799. Included in Keepsake, 1829, p. 122; Lit. Rem., i. 46. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 166. Adapted from Lessing's Sinngedicht No. 29. Auf den falschen Ruf von Nigrins Tode. 'Es sagte, sonder alle Gnade, die ganze Stadt Nigrinen tot.'
LINENOTES:
That Mr. —— was surely dead M. P.
Why] Ah M. P.
their] the M. P.
Why] Ah M. P.
their] the M. P.
18
[DEAR BROTHER JEM]
Than the printer's boy can set 'em;
Quite as fast as we can read,
And only not so fast as we forget 'em.
First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23, 1799. Included in An. Anth., 1800; Essays, &c., 1850, iii. 974. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 164.
19
JOB'S LUCK
To try Job's constancy and patience;
He took his honours, took his health,
He took his children, took his wealth,
His camels, horses, asses, cows—
And the sly Devil did not take his spouse.
And loves to disappoint the Devil,
Had predetermined to restore
Twofold all Job had before,
His children, camels, horses, cows,—
Short-sighted Devil, not to take his spouse!
1799. First published in Morning Post, Sept. 26, 1801. Included in Annual Register, 1827, and Keepsake, 1829. First collected 1834.
The first stanza of 'Job's Luck' is adapted from Fr. v. Logan's Sinngedicht, Hiob's Weib. Lessing's edition, Bk. III, No. 90:—
Hiobs Weib; er hätte nimmer einen bessern aufgetrieben.'
The second stanza is adapted from Fr. v. Logan's Sinngedicht, Auf den Hornutus, ibid. Bk. I, No. 68:—
Sei doppelt ihm hernach zu Hause wiederkommen:
Wie gut, sprach er, war dies, dass Gott sein Weib nicht nahm,
Auf dass Job ihrer zwei für eine nicht bekam!'
The original source is a Latin epigram by John Owen (Audoenus Oxoniensis), Bk. III, No. 198. See N. and Q., 1st Series, ii. 516.
LINENOTES:
Title] The Devil Outwitted M. P.
honours] honour M. P.
20
ON THE SICKNESS OF A GREAT MINISTER
Billy—Death made pretences to obey,
And only made pretences, for he shot
A headless dart that struck nor wounded not.
The ghaunt Economist who (tho' my grandam
Thinks otherwise) ne'er shoots his darts at random
[958] Mutter'd, 'What? put my Billy in arrest?
Upon my life that were a pretty jest!
So flat a thing of Death shall ne'er be said or sung—
No! Ministers and Quacks, them take I not so young.'
First, published in Morning Post, Oct. 1, 1799. Now reprinted for the first time. Adapted from Lessing's Sinngedicht No. 119. Auf die Genesung einer Buhlerin. 'Dem Tode wurde jüngst von Pluto anbefohlen.'
21
[TO A VIRTUOUS OECONOMIST]
Wernicke
Yet so that of your plenteous store
The needy takes and blesses you,
For you hate Poverty, but not the Poor.
First published in Morning Post, Oct. 28, 1799. Now reprinted for the first time. Adapted from Wernicke's Epigrams (Bk. I, No. 49). An den sparsamen Celidon.
Der Arme fühlt.'
22
[L'ENFANT PRODIGUE]
But prithee where lies Jack's estate?
In Algebra for there I found of late
A quantity call'd less than nothing.
First published in Morning Post, Nov. 16, 1799. Included in An. Anth., 1800. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 163.
23
ON SIR RUBICUND NASO
A COURT ALDERMAN AND WHISPERER OF SECRETS
That, talk where you will, 'tis all under the Rose.
First published in Morning Post, Dec. 7, 1799. Included in Essays, &c., iii. 975. First collected Poems, 1907. Compare Lessing's Sinngedicht No. 35. Auf eine lange Nase.
24
TO MR. PYE
On his Carmen Seculare (a title which has by various persons who have heard it, been thus translated, 'A Poem an age long').
Eternal! it can't fail,
For 'tis incomprehensible,
And without head or tail!
First published in Morning Post, Jan. 24, 1800. Included in Keepsake, 1829, p. 277. First collected P. and D. W., ii. 161.
25
[NINETY-EIGHT]
And preach aloud with might and main
Repentance to our viperous race!
But should this miracle take place,
I hope, ere Irish ground he treads,
He'll lay in a good stock of heads!
First published in An. Anth., 1800. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 162. Adapted from Friedrich von Logau's Sinngedicht, Johannes der Täufer, Lessing's edition, Bk. I, No. 30:—
Johannes, sollt' er wieder sein.
Doch käm er, riet' ich, dass er dächte,
Wie viel er Köpf' in Vorrat brächte.'
26
OCCASIONED BY THE FORMER
The greedy creeping things in place
Most vile, most venomous; and then
The United Irishmen!
To come on earth should John determine,
Imprimis, we'll excuse his sermon.
Without a word the good old Dervis
Might work incalculable service,
At once from tyranny and riot
Save laws, lives, liberties and moneys,
If sticking to his ancient diet
He'd but eat up our locusts and wild honeys!
First published in An. Anth., 1800. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 162.
LINENOTES:
After 4 Now by miraculous deeds to stir them MS.
27
[A LIAR BY PROFESSION]
Whom should we see on t'other side pass by
But Informator with a stranger talking,
So I exclaim'd, 'Lord, what a lie!'
Quoth Dick—'What, can you hear him?'
'Hear him! stuff!
I saw him open his mouth—an't that enough?'
First published in An. Anth., 1800. First collected P. and D. W., ii. 163. Adapted from Lessing's Sinngedicht No. 142. Auf den Ley. 'Der gute Mann, den Ley beiseite dort gezogen!'
28
TO A PROUD PARENT
'My Lud!' they lisp. Now whence can this arise?
Perhaps their mother feels an honest shame
And will not teach her infant to tell lies.
First published in An. Anth., 1800, included in Essays, &c., ii. 997. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 164. Adapted from Lessing's Sinngedicht No. 17. An den Doktor Sp * *. 'Dein Söhnchen lässt dich nie den Namen Vater hören.'
29
RUFA
It don't surprise me in the least
To see thee lick so dainty clean a beast.
But that so dainty clean a beast licks thee,
Yes—that surprises me.
First published in An. Anth., 1800. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 164. Adapted from Lessing's Sinngedicht No. 66. An die Dorilis. 'Dein Hündchen, Dorilis, ist zärtlich, tändelnd, rein.'
30
ON A VOLUNTEER SINGER
Should certain persons die before they sing.
First published in An. Anth., 1800. Included in Keepsake, 1829, p. 277; Essays, &c., 1850, ii. 988. First collected in 1834.
31
OCCASIONED BY THE LAST
Post obitum can no man sing.
And true, if Jack don't mend his manners
And quit the atheistic banners,
Post obitum will Jack run foul
Of such folks as can only howl.
First published in An. Anth., 1800. Included in Essays, &c., iii. 988. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii, 165.
LINENOTES:
joke] jest Essays, &c.
folks] sparks Essays, &c.
32
EPITAPH ON MAJOR DIEMAN
What once was a Dieman, now lies here a dead man.
Alive a proud Major! but ah me! of our poor all,
The soul having gone, he is now merely Corporal.
? 1800. Now first published from MS.
33
ON THE ABOVE
Say, what can stop a Punster's punning?
He dares bepun even thee, O Death!
To punish him, Stop thou his breath.
? 1800. Now first published from MS.
34
EPITAPH
ON A BAD MAN
This sad brief tale is all that Truth can give—
He lived like one who never thought to die,
He died like one who dared not hope to live![961:1]
First published in Morning Post, Sept. 22, 1801. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 168.
ANOTHER VERSION
Who valued nought that God or man could give;
He lived as if he never thought to die;
He died as if he dared not hope to live![962:1]
[The name Walter Harcourt has been supplied by the editor.—S. C.]
Obiit Saturday, Sept. 10, 1830.
W. H. EHEU!
Thankless of all that God or man could give.
He lived like one who never thought to die,
He died like one who dared not hope to live.
35
TO A CERTAIN MODERN NARCISSUS
My looking-glass will always be at home.
First published in Morning Post, Dec. 16, 1801. Included in Essays, &c., iii. 978. First collected in 1893.
36
TO A CRITIC
WHO EXTRACTED A PASSAGE FROM A POEM WITHOUT ADDING
A WORD RESPECTING THE CONTEXT, AND THEN DERIDED IT AS UNINTELLIGIBLE.
By way of joke, pull out your eye,
And holding up the fragment, cry,
'Ha! ha! that men such fools should be!
Behold this shapeless Dab!—and he
Who own'd it, fancied it could see!'
The joke were mighty analytic,
But should you like it, candid critic?
First published in Morning Post, Dec. 16, 1801: included in Keepsake, 1829, and in Essays, &c., iii. 977-8. First collected in P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 167.
37
ALWAYS AUDIBLE
You'll hear him still—he's roaring!
Pass under Jack's window at twelve at noon,
You'll hear him still—he's snoring!
First published in Morning Post, Dec. 19, 1801. First collected 1893.
38
PONDERE NON NUMERO
A multitude of friends, he ne'er had one.
First published in Morning Post, Dec. 26, 1801. Included in Essays, &c., iii. 978. First collected in 1893. Adapted from Friedrich von Logan's Sinngedicht (Lessing's edition, Bk. II, No. 65).
Nur nach Wägen, nicht nach Zählen.'
Cf. also Logan, Book II, No. 30.
39
THE COMPLIMENT QUALIFIED
Why thou, Eliza, art so very loth;
Still on a par with other pairs you'd be,
Since thou hast wit and sense enough for both.
First published in Morning Post, Dec. 26, 1801. First collected 1893. The title referred to an epigram published in M. P. Dec. 24, 1801.
40
[The twenty-one 'Original Epigrams' following were printed in the Morning Post, in September and October, 1802, over the signature 'ΕΣΤΗΣΕ'. They were included in Essays, &c., iii. 978-86, and were first collected in P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 171-8.]
Its body brevity, and wit its soul.
First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Included in Poetical Register, 1802 (1803), ii. 253; and in The Friend, No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809. Cf. Wernicke's Beschaffenheit der Überschriften (i. e. The Nature of the epigram), Bk. I, No. 1.
Wenn in der Kürz' ihr Leib, die Seel' in Witz bestehet.'
41
And taught at length his memory the same trick.
Believing thus what he so oft repeats,
He's brought the thing to such a pass, poor youth,
That now himself and no one else he cheats,
Save when unluckily he tells the truth.
First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Included in P. R. 1802, ii. 317, and The Friend, No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809.
42
Ev'n from the hour thou cam'st to thy Estate.
Thy mirth all gone, thy kindness, thy discretion,
Th' estate hath prov'd to thee a most complete possession.
Shame, shame, old friend! would'st thou be truly best,
Be thy wealth's Lord, not slave! possessor not possess'd.
First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Included in P. R. 1802, ii. 317, and The Friend, No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809.
43
Well—but you mean Lord——? Hush! we mean the same.
First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Included in P. R. 1802, ii. 363, and The Friend, No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809.
44
TO ONE WHO PUBLISHED[964:1] IN PRINT
WHAT HAD BEEN ENTRUSTED TO HIM BY MY FIRESIDE
My secrets and my want of penetration:
For O! far more than all which thou hast penn'd
It shames me to have call'd a wretch, like thee, my friend!
First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Adapted from Wernicke's Epigrams (Bk. I, No. 12), An einen falschen Freund. 'Weil ich mich dir vertraut, eh' ich dich recht gekennet.'
45
'Obscuri sub luce maligna.'—Virg.
In truth most falsehoods have their rise;
Truth first unlocks Pandora's box,
And out there fly a host of lies.
Malignant light, by cloudy night,
To precipices it decoys one!
One nectar-drop from Jove's own shop
Will flavour a whole cup of poison.
First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23, 1802.
46
And thanks his stars, whenever Edmund speaks,
That such a dupe as that is not his heir—
But know, old Harpy! that these fancy freaks,
Though vain and light, as floating gossamer,
Always amuse, and sometimes mend the heart:
A young man's idlest hopes are still his pleasures,
And fetch a higher price in Wisdom's mart
Than all the unenjoying Miser's treasures.
First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23, 1802. Included in P. R., 1802, ii. 868. Adapted from Wernicke, Bk. VII, No. 40, An einen Geizhals.
Weil er vergebens hofft auf was nicht kann geschehn?'
47
TO A VAIN YOUNG LADY
Far more would others think of thee!
Sweet Anne! the knowledge of thy wealth
Reduces thee to poverty.
Boon Nature gave wit, beauty, health,
On thee as on her darling pitching;
Couldst thou forget thou'rt thus enrich'd
That moment would'st thou become rich in!
And wert thou not so self-bewitch'd,
Sweet Anne! thou wert, indeed, bewitching.
First published in Morning Post, Sept. 23 1802. Included in The Friend, No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809.
48
A HINT TO PREMIERS AND FIRST CONSULS
FROM AN OLD TRAGEDY, VIZ. AGATHA TO KING ARCHELAUS
The first is, that thou govern'st over men;
The second, that thy power is from the laws;
And this the third, that thou must die!—and then?—
First published in Morning Post, Sept. 27, 1802. Included in Essays, &c., iii. 992. First collected P. and D. W., 1877, ii. 162.
49
Your proper praise to know;
Well! you're the Fair by all admired—
Some twenty years ago.
First published in Morning Post, Oct. 2, 1802.
50
FOR A HOUSE-DOG'S COLLAR
So perform both my Master's and Mistress's will.
First published in Morning Post, Oct. 2, 1802. Included in The Friend (title, 'For a French House-Dog's Collar'), No. 12, Nov. 9, 1809.
51
In vain thou rail'st at me!
Me no one credits, Zoilus!
And no one credits thee!
First published in Morning Post, Oct. 2, 1802. Adapted from a Latin Epigram 'In Zoilum,' by George Buchanan:
Me, Zoile, laedis;
Nemo mihi credit,
Zoile, nemo, tibi.'
52
EPITAPH ON A MERCENARY MISER
One night at Sell-all's door,
The same who saved old Sell-all's life—
'Twas but the year before!
And Sell-all rose and let him in,
Not utterly unwilling,
But first he bargain'd with the man,
And took his only shilling!
That night he dreamt he'd given away his pelf,
Walk'd in his sleep, and sleeping hung himself!
And now his soul and body rest below;
And here they say his punishment and fate is
To lie awake and every hour to know
How many people read his tombstone gratis.
First published in Morning Post, Oct. 9, 1802.
53
A DIALOGUE BETWEEN AN AUTHOR AND HIS FRIEND
You write so ill, I scarce could read the hand—
That what I read I could not understand.
First published in Morning Post, Oct. 11, 1802.
54
Μωροσοφία OR WISDOM IN FOLLY
What he shall shortly gain and what be doing,
Then drops asleep, and so prolongs his dreams
And thus enjoys at once what half the world are wooing.
First published in Morning Post, Oct. 11, 1802.
55
He shews his clothes! Alas! he shews himself.
O that they knew, these overdrest self-lovers,
What hides the body oft the mind discovers.
First published in Morning Post, Oct. 11, 1802.