The English Rogue: Continued in the Life of Meriton Latroon, and Other Extravagants: The Second Part

In prosecution of his begging, he steals a Hen, is taken in the manner, and whipped, and imprisoned in the Cage; from whence he escapes, and assists in the robbing of a House, where he gets a good Booty and escapes, but his Companions are caught; one hanged, and two transported: He hearing this, makes haste to London.

It was then the Spring of the year when I took this laze trade of life upon me; the harmony of the Birds singing, and the variety of the Flowers which beautified the verdant Fields, made me the more willing to embrace this sordid course, not thinking of a winter that would strike dumb those winged Choristers, and invest the Earth with a robe of Snow, in stead of all her painted Bravery. Custom had soon habituated me to a liking of lodging in straw, attracted the more by my amorous Bed-fellow, and so long as I had my fill of ease, I could well be contented to fast from Dainties. But for my life I could not bring my tongue to the right tone of Begging, although I were habited fit for the purpose, with a dirty Night-cap loathsome to behold, my face all smearen, my cloths set full with patches upon the whole cloath, a red clout upon my leg, and supporting my body with a staff as if I had been a meer criple. Many a mile we rambled, yet keeping still in our own station, for fear of the Upright-man: but my counterfeit plea for begging was at last discovered, and to all my dainties I had whipping chear added; for going one day not far off from a Farm house, the stragling Hens invited me to have a throw at them with my staff, and having struck one of them, I had forgotten my lameness, but very nimbly ran and took her up, putting her under my patcht Coat, where I had a bag sewed in that was a receptacle for all stollen goods. It chanced that the Farmer himself was then on the other side of the hedge, who undiscover’d by me, saw my activity in the stealing of his Hen, and was resolved, though I put it up, that he would not. But I dreading nothing, thinking my self unseen, went directly to the House, and as soon as I came into the yard fell to my old trade, leaning on my staff, and drawing my leg after me, as if scarce able to stand, much less to run. Having gotten to the door, I began to set up my tone with a Good tender hearted people be pleased to bestow your charity upon a poor miserable wretch that is both lame and hungry; one penny of silver to buy him salve for his sore leg, or one morsel of victuals to put into his belly that hath had nothing come in it this couple of dayes. No sooner had I ended my Maunding, thinking to mump the Farmer out of some money, or at leastwise some bread to my Hen, but he having watch’d me now seiz’d hold of my arm, and told me, that that though it might be true that I had not lately eaten, yet he saw I was resolved to be better provided for the future, and so turning back my Coat discover’d my bag, where was not only the Hen, but some other provant, I had lately purchased. I finding my self caught, would gladly have given him the slip, but some of his servants, as well as himself stop’d me, without any more ado the Harman-beck was sent for, who being a neighbour was quickly come, and by this time I had a great train of Boys and Girls to attend me: I needed not much examination being thus taken in the manner, but however they were all desirous to see my sore leg; I was forced to let them do what they would with me, knowing there was no remedy but patience, and so I suffer’d them to unrowl and take off the Clouts and Rowlers that was upon it, when coming to the skin, that was as whole and as sound as a fish; but though my leg was well and whole, my heart was now almost broken with consideration of what they would do with me; some proposed one punishment, and some another, but at length to the Whipping-Post I was led, where my Doublet and shirt being stript off, my back was so long lac’d with a Cart-whip, that I Caperd and flownced like a Horse in a quagmire, and I was as fast too, being hand cuffd so that I could not stir. It was well it was the spring time, for I lost blood enough to purge away the gross humors without the help of a Surgeon, that office being supplyd by a Thrasher who took as much pains upon me as would have Thrash’d a bushel of Pease; but at length there was a Cessation, and a new parlee began, wherein it was propounded that further course should be taken with me, and considering that there was a kind of Felony committed upon the Hen; they advis’d and agreed to lead me to the next Justice of the peace to have his Judgement in the Case, though I thought it unreasonable to suffer punishment first, and then to be Judged; yet it was to no purpose to complain, and all I could say would not prevail with them to let me go, but they would conduct me to the Justice, so that I having put on my Cloaths my shirt stuck to my back and made me sensible that I had lost leather; but for all that on I must, and the Justice living a mile off, the Thrasher who had lash’d me, and two or three others made holliday to attend me: when we came before the Justice, he hearing that I had been punished already, was content at my Importunity to acquit me from any other, and only to make a Pass to send me home to London, being the place where I told them I was born: I not having power to contradict, was forced to consent to what was commanded, and that Constable attending me out of his liberties to another Constable, left me: this new Constable, who now had me in keeping, not being willing to go further with me; for that night put me up in the Cage, where I was lock’d up, but not so safely, but I made shift to break out, and travelling all night, by the next morning I was far enough off for them to o'retake me, for all that day I concealed my self in a wood, and when night came I proceeded on my Journey; but it so happened that on the second night of my travel, about midnight I was overtaken by three persons who demanded where I was going? I told them any whither: what was I? I replied a wretched person whom fortune had persecuted, and therefore I was indifferent whether I went, or what I did. Hearing me say so, they retired a little to consult about their affairs, and then one of them coming up to me, demanded several questions of me of my late course of life? To all their questions I returned them such answers as caused them to conclude me to be a Rambler, and therefore fit for their society, and therefore they asked me if I were willing to hazard my self in enterprizing somewhat, that though it might be something dangerous, yet it should be very profitable. To this I answered, that they should soon find my willingness expressed in the boldness of my actions, and if seconded or assisted by them, I should act anything they would direct and appoint.

They hearing my resolution, soon consented to admit me into their society, and acquainted me with their present purpose, which was to rob a House not far from that place: They told me that I must be valiant and bold, not in fighting, for they knew they should meet with little occasion to exercise any weapon, but in entring the House, and performing other such matters as they should instruct me in. I told them I consented to what they should propose, and therefore desired them to tell me what part I was to act in this Enterprize, and as for a part of the purchase, I should leave that to them, which I desired them to give me as I should deserve. Then one of these persons told me, that he was very well acquainted in the house, and gave me an account of the several ways and passages into every Room, and who was lodged in such Chambers. In fine, I discovered that there was but two men, and three women-kind in the house, and he being a Coach-man, had lately brought the Master of the house home with two hundred pound, of which he had a desire to rob him; and therefore had joyned these two persons with him in the Confederacy. Being thus instructed, we proceed, and arriving at the house, I was put in at a window, and directed how to open the doors, which I did, the Coach-man stayed below stairs, and we other three by his directions went up into the Chambers; the doors we soon opened, and coming to the Bed-side where the Master of the house and his Wife was, we drawing our swords (for I had the Coach-mans delivered to me) opened our dark Lanthorns, and seeing the man and woman, without many words we bound and gagg’d them; and they leaving me to watch them, went into the other Chambers to do the like to the rest: I being left alone in this Room was not idle, but rummaged about, and found a Gold Watch, a few Rings, and twenty Pieces of Gold, these I secured for my self, and soon after my Companions returned; when taking the Keys out of the Gentlewomans pocket, we soon found what we came for, the two hundred pound, and so marched off without any stay, or the least interruption: the Coach-man stayed below in the Hall, where he had made a strict search, and had likewise plundred something from thence which after turned little to his profit: but we all left the house with the doors open, and marched with the spoils of the field, bag and baggage, to a house about a mile distant, where they were so courteous as to give me fifteen pound out of the profits of their Adventure. I (being sensible that I was well enough paid, in regard of the Gold and other things I had conceal’d) thankfully received it, and so left them, marching on further to the next great Town, where the next day I understood a great Fair was to be kept, and therefore I thought that place the most fitting to conceal my self in, and be freest from suspition, I got in a Barn and rested my self, taking some sleep; but was much disturbed, being in great fear lest some mis-fortune might befall me: And to the end that I might be the freer from suspect, in case of a Hue and Cry, I went to a Sales-mans Booth which was in the Fair, and furnish’d me with a Sad-coloured Sute and Cloak, Citizen-like, that I might pass for such a one if occasion were; my old Cloathes I left behind me in the Barn where I stripped my self. Thus did I escape all danger, but my Companions fared worse than I, for the covetous Coach-man not having any thing else whereon to exercise himself, stole a Looking-glass which was below stairs, while we were above, and to conceal it from the rest of his Companions, put it in his Codpiece. When they had sufficiently stayed at the house where I left them, and had shared the prize, they went to go homewards, but being flustred with the Bottles of Wine they had for joy drank off, they made it so long, that it was seven of the Clock in the morning ere they parted, and then were they overtaken by the Hue and Cry, with a Constable, who though he knew the Coach-man very well, and did not suspect him, yet seeing him and his two Companions so flustred, and somewhat to hang out at the knees of the Coach-man’s Breeches, they made some stay, asking whether he had lately been at some Wedding and had Bride-Laces, which he had put in his Breeches. The Coach-man being somewhat blank’d at this discovery, knew not what answer readily to return: This caused them to examine him who they were that were his Companions, and where they had been? They were all now deeplier surprized than before, which gave so great suspition that occasioned a Search, and in the end they found what they sought for, (the Money:) and that which hung out at the Coach-mans Breeches, were some Ribbons that were fastned to the Looking-glass. Upon this Discovery they were all Apprehended, carried before a Justice, and upon examination being found directly guilty, committed to Goal. This did I hear of at the Fair that afternoon as I was drinking in a Booth: At the recital of this story, if any one had observed me, they might easily have conjectured that I was concerned therein; for I was possessed with so much fear, that I look’d like one rather dead than alive: but there was no occasion to suspect me, for the three others my Companions being taken and with them the greatest part of the money, there was no occasion to make any further enquiry. Then did I bless my good fortune that I had left them so suddenly, and was so much out of danger, and that evening I proceeded further on in my way towards London; but being well furnished with Silver and Gold, I took up my Quarters in a very good Inn, where I had a good Supper and soft Bed, and slept very well, considering the trouble I was in. At this Inn I stayed several days to hear what would become of my Companions, for the Assizes were then at hand. I received this satisfaction, that they being Tryed, were all cast for their Lives; the Coach-man hang’d, and the other two were to be transported. This was the end of my piece of Thievery, and I did then resolve never to hazard my self again in such matters, lest I came off with as bad success as the Coach-man. I stayed so long in this Inn, pretending to wait the coming of a sister of mine, that one day who should arrive there but the Maid-servant who lived with the Plaisterer I had served, and as I suppose was the cause of his drowning: now was I in greater fear than before, for I had lately escaped hanging for theft, and now expected it for murther; and I knew that this wench was malicious enough against me, and would rather injure me by her exclamations, than secure me by her silence; I therefore intended to give her the go-by, but could not, for she had now cast her eye upon me and discovered me, and came straight up to me to speak with me. How now, says she, you have made a fair Ramble! Is it not time to return? Well, said I, be silent a little, and let me speak with you in private; and thereupon taking her by the hand, I led her into a private room, where calling for some drink, I enquired of her how all our Friends did, and more particularly for my Master. Why, said she, you know well enough that he is dead. At this word I was more dead than alive, neither was I for the present able to ask her any more questions.

The Drink being brought in, she drank to me; Well, said she, however I am glad to see you here; so am not I (thought I:) but recovering my lost senses, I demanded of her how long my Master had been dead. She replyed, a fortnight. Nay, thought I, then the Case is not so bad as I suspected, and therefore I proceeded in questioning of her how he died, and many other questions. She answered, that he died of a Feaver, which kept him not above fourteen days sick; and he being dead, she was now returning into the Country to visit her Friends.

Now was I fully satisfied that I needed not fear any danger, wherefore I called for a Bottle of Canary, which we drank off; and she related to me that he was not much hurt by the fall that I gave him, for he went again to work the next day, and had made much enquiry after me, but as yet in vain. I told her that I indeed doubted that he had been drowned by the fall which he had received into the water, and therefore had absented my self ever since from London, wandering up and down in several Disguises: But, said I, I will now go to London again, but never to serve out my Time at that Trade; for if I come upon a Scaffold again, I shall be much frighted with the remembrance of that Disaster. She told me, that now indeed I was free to dispose of my self since my Master was dead, and might chuse my Trade and Master.

Thus did we spin out several hours of that day and night together, till it was time to go to Bed, and then we parted; she the next morning proceeded in her Journey into the Countrey, and I pursuing my resolutions of going to London, likewise went forward. But by the way met with an Adventure, which I shall relate to you in the next Chapter.

In his Journey to London, he overtakes a Trooper and a Wench: he lyes with her and two more of her Companions, and after this frollick he goes with them all to London.

I was now resolved nothing should hinder me from proceeding in my Journey to London, and that I might get thither the sooner, I endeavoured to borrow a horse, but could not procure one, I being a stranger, every person was unwilling to trust me: but at noon-day staying for a bait, I happened into the company of a Trooper, who was likewise travelling to London; we dined together, and he asking whither I was going? I told him: he said he should be glad of my company. I said, that would be very pleasing to me if I might enjoy his; but I could not because he was better furnish’d for a Journey than I, being provided with a horse, and I on foot: he told me that inconveniency might be supplyed, for there were horses in the stable to be let. I told him that I would give any consideration for the hire of one, and that he, if acquainted, might do me much kindness in procuring one for me: he seeing me full of money, quickly procured me a horse, engaging himself that I should leave the beast at his London quarters. My host being well acquainted with him, and he being to ride along with me, was contented: and I paying five shillings for his hire, had the horse deliver’d to me, and on his back I mounted, thinking my self to be some brave fellow: As we rid along together, we overtook a female Creature, young and handsom, in somewhat an ancient decayed, but Gentile garb. The Trooper being a notable well experienced blade, soon fell into discourse with her, and found her to be a Rambling Baggage, whose journey was now intended for London, and would be glad of our company, were she accommodated with a horse: to that I offered her my service, and agreed that she should ride behind me; to which she assenting, soon mounted, and now we merrily put on, holding a pleasing discourse with our female companion. I had a great desire to take a better view of her than I could, being thus on hors-back together, and therefore perswaded the Trooper to make a halt at the next Town which we came to, where we all dismounted, and I saluted my Lady, who kindly received my Courtesie. The Trooper after some discourse, was well enough acquainted with the Lady, having often times been merry with her, and others, at the house where she lodged in London. He call’d me on one side, and told me, that she was a person with whom he had been formerly acquainted, and so might I too, if I would, and if I had any desire thereto, he could and would assist me.

I told him he had done me many kindnesses in the small time of my acquaintance, and now he had offered that which exceeded all; for indeed I was much taken with her beauty, and very desirous I was to enjoy her.

Well, said he, let us be going from hence, and make you your bargain with her as you ride along by the way, and I will take such care in the business that you shall be entertained as man and wife at my quarters, and there lie together. I was infinitely glad of this his kind proffer, and thankfully accepted thereof, and so after some little longer stay, we again mounted our steeds and put forwards: according to his instruction I courted my Mistress, and without much difficulty obtained her promise to permit me to lie with her, and so we rid on till we arrived at the Troopers quarters, where he told his Landlady, that he had brought her some guests; for this young man and his wife, (said he) pointing to us, will stay here all night: they shall be welcom, said the Hostess, and so a supper was provided; for as we did eat and drink with a very good appetite, and my Landlady did accompany us, who I found was very well respected, and familiar with the Trooper; and bed-time being come, which I had much desired, I and my Lady went to bed, neither did the Trooper lie alone, for our Landlady was his bed-fellow; how he spent the night I know not, but I am sure for our parts we slept but little, for it was the first time that I ever enjoy’d a woman naked in my arms all night, and I was ravished with delight, never having had so much pleasure. My bed-fellow was well enough contented with the entertainment I gave her; we discoursed of one anothers fortunes, but whether she told me the truth of hers, I know not, but I disguised mine wholly from her, not thinking it fit to make her acquainted with my late adventures; she told me, that the occasion of her late travel was this, that she and two women more of her acquaintance had been perswaded by three Gentlemen to a Ramble, and had gone down to such a City in a Coach, that they had for some time continued together as three men and wives at an Inn, and there had enjoyed a full plenty of every thing; but at length the three Gentlemen had basely left them to pay a great reckoning in a strange place, and all they had would not make the one half of it, that they had for some time waited in expectation of the return of their friends, but in vain, so that at last it was agreed, that one of us, said she, should go for London, and procure mony to redeem the rest, and the lot falling on me I have prosecuted the journey, and hopes to raise money to relieve, and redeem my companions. I hearing this story was sensibly troubled thereat, and offered her my assistance, and she so far prevail’d with me, that I lent her five pound to send to her companions, she promising me to continue either there, or at any other place with me so long as I should please, and at our coming to her quarters at London, to repay me my mony with many thanks. To all this I agreed, and the next day she conveyed most part of the mony to her companions by a Coach that travelled thither: and thus did I enjoy this Lady for many nights together, and lying at Rack and Manger: the horse I sent back at the directions of the Trooper, who likewise continued with his Hostess, and only my purse paid for all; but indeed we lived sparingly enough, the Trooper being one of the honestest Travellers that I ever met with. The Coach-man who carried the money to the afflicted and distressed Damoyselles, returned, and with him the Ladies, very glad of their safe return, and very thankful were they, not only to their companions who sent it, but also to me of whom, she said, she procured it, and now we all thought of removeing to London, but one night more we lay at our old quarters, where I had the greatest frollick I was ever guilty of, for that night I kist with all three of the women, and pleased them round, by giving each of them a tryal of my skill. What now could I desire to enjoy further? I thought my self to be as brave a fellow as the great Turk in his Seraglio, he having but his choice of Women, which I now enjoyed to my full content. But morning coming, we took leave of our Hostess and the Trooper, and all four taking Coach, soon came to London, where I took up my Quarters with my three Damsels, who made very much of me, and indeed they were the honestest Wenches, and I had the best frollick that I ever had in my life, but in time I was weary of this life, for what man can last out alwayes? And I finding my pocket begin to shrink, bethought me that it was fit to leave off in time, for all my Silver was gone, and ten pound of my twenty pound in Gold: but I selling my Watch and Rings raised ten pound more; with this stock of twenty pound I was resolved to retire, and fit my self for some employment. My three Ladies never offered to return me the five pound I had lent them, neither indeed could I handsomly expect it; for they had been very liberal in their expences, and had declined all other company to accommodate me. They heard of their three Gentlemen who had trapan’d them in the Country, and so wisely plaid their Cards that they gained all their money again, I assisting them, and pretending the man of the house had assigned the money to me. I scorned to pocket any of it, but gave it amongst them; and so being resolved to take another course of life, I retired my self from them: and to the end that I might be fitted for an employment, I hired one who was well known therein, to teach me to write more perfectly than I could formerly, as also Arithmatick: I likewise hired several Books of a Stationer, for which I gave him so much per week; These being chiefly Knight-Errantry and Romances, I took much pleasure therein. I had a mind to diversion, and went to visit my Damoyselles, and thus did I live the pleasantest life in the world; but I had so much reason as to think that things would not last long as they were, and I had no inclination to stealing, more virtuous thoughts had now possessed me, and therefore a Trade being the only thing that would maintain me, I enquired for one, and setled my self, as you shall hear in the next Chapter.

He being now come to London, puts himself Prentice to a Taylor; he gets acquaintance with Prentices of all sorts, is with them at their Tavern-frolicks: he is employed by a Scrivener to make Cloathes for a Wench, he goes with him to her, and returning, the Scrivener promises him an account of that Trade.

Being now come to London, I was resolved not to be idle, but settle my self to some one Trade, that I might be able to get a living; and having already had tryal of several, at first a Barber-Surgeon, then a Tapster, a Cook, a Lock-smith, Taylor, Baker, and Plaisterer; and being still forced for some reason or other to leave them all, did now resolve to fix upon one that should do my business, and whereby I might at all times, and in all places, be able to live by my hands, for Lands I had none. I considered of all the Trades I had already been a practitioner in, and many others, none suited so well with my humour, as that of a Taylor; wherefore I sought for several Masters, but they were all unwilling to take me for less than seven years, it being the custom of London that none can be bound for less time, nor be made a Free-man till they have served so long. I was unwilling to bind my self on those tearms, knowing my temper was variable, and did believe, I should not hold out to serve such a tearm: but after several enquiries and tryals, I did light upon a Master, who was willing to take me for five years, only this I perswaded him to do in regard I already had a good hand in working, and being industrious in my imployment, so that though I was bound for seven years, yet I had a Writing under my Masters hand, that the last two years I should dispose of my self as I pleased, and yet he could make me a Free-man at seven years end.

My Master was not only a Taylor, but kept a Brokers shop, wherein he sold all sorts of Clothes new and old: He lived in one of the principallest Streets in the City, and was in good esteem with his neighbours, who were all persons of some quality, not of the meaner sort, but substantial Tradesmen, as Gold-smiths, Grocers, Drugsters, Scriveners, Stationers, &c. and I (being now well fitted with Clothes, and having my pockets pretty well lined with money which I had still kept by me) was a fit and welcome Companion to the best sort of Apprentices, in whose society I did soon insinuate my self, and having money to spend equal with the best, I came acquainted with a whole Gang of such Blades, that all my former knowledge was nothing in comparison to what I soon experimented from them; for their Masters being of the wealthiest sort of Citizens, and keeping Countrey-houses at Newington, Hackney, Stepney, &c, they often had opportunity in their absence to meet, and keep their Club or general Randezvous, which was commonly every other night, at one of the Taverns near adjoyning: and my Master (who did well enough understand that I was frequently abroad, and in what Company I spent my time) did not in the least oppose or contradict me therein; for I soon found that these young Jovial Blades, though Apprentices, yet they were my Masters best Customers, for there was none of them but had a Sute or two of Clothes A la mode, which commonly lay at our house, which they put on when they had any frollick out of Town, either at Christmas, Easter, or Whitsontide, or at any other time, when they pretending some urgent occasions, they would give their Masters the slip.

Thus was I one of the Gang, and had liberty to be with them so often as I pleased, by the connivance of my Master, whose profit consisted in my acquaintance with them; for I soon brought him some new Customers, out of whom he could squeez good store of money for making their Clothes, and sometimes he made three or four Sutes at a time, yet had no money for his pains, but he was satisfied otherwise in Commodities, which were more to his profit; for the Mercer paid his Bill in Stuffs, the Draper in Cloth, and the rest either in other good Commodities which they had of their Masters, or with which they were furnished by their Companions. When any of them intended a new Sute for himself, Friend, or Mistress, it was but summoning the Brethren of the Club together, and then the Mercer brought his Stuffs or Silks, the Milliner Buttons, Ribbons, and Lynings, for which they had in exchange such other Commodities as the others could produce: there was only two Trades that had little or no Commodities to exchange, and that was the Scrivener and Bookseller, and therefore I wondred from whence they should get to be so fine as the rest; but I observed what they wanted in Wares, was supplyed in Money, which was a Commodity would command every thing else. How they should get this Money I knew not, for I could not imagine that in making of Bills and Bonds the Scrivener could cheat his Master of much money, or that the Bookseller could sell many books by the by, and put the money in his own pockets, for I knew they were not so vendible a Commodity as Cloath, Silk, &c.

But one evening we being at our general Rendezvous, where we had good wine, and better company, being attended by two or three Suburbian Females, who were the Doxies of our Comerades. The Scrivener (having the finest out-side, being in his private Sute of Apparel, and having his pockets well lined with Maslin of Gold and Silver) took occasion to court one of the Women not only publickly, but privately; and though she were till then a stranger to him, yet he won her from her other Friend, and to enduce her to be kind to him, he called me to him, and ordered me to provide her a new gown, and peticoat, of flowred Tabbee, and immediatly calling to our Mercer who served us all, gave him as much money as the Silk was worth, and all the engagement he desired from the Bona Roba, was that he might have the first taking up of the peticoat, and then if she liked her old sweet-heart best she might afterwards use her pleasure, either in admitting him or t'other to her embraces, or either of them as she pleased, to this they all three agreed, and the Mercer who took about four pound for Silk was ordered (by a general vote) to spend forty shillings of the money for that present reckoning, and all the rest went scotfree, and after a lusty cup of wine, some dishes of meat, and fidlars, they for that time broke up their meeting. This liberallity, or rather prodigallity of the Scrivener put me into some confusion, and very desirous I was to know how he gained so much money, wherefore I speedily procured the apparrel to be made, and delivered it to him to his content, I so highly pleased him that he desired me to go with him to the Ladies lodging who was to wear it. I accordingly waited on him thither, and she receiving him with much chearfulness accepted it; it was soon put on, and it was not long before they retired out of the room wherein I was, into an other; where I suppose she was so curteous as to permit him not only to take up the peticoat, and somewhat else to his liking: but to dispose of her at his pleasure, for they stay’d together neer an hour. Neither was I left alone: but had the old Matron of the house, and a young Bona Roba to accompany me, where we were not idle, but made the bottles of Sack, and Stepony fly for it: when their business was over (and ours almost done, for we had so ply’d the liquor that our noddles were fuller of wine than wit) they briskly entred the room where we were, and without any coyness fell stoutly to drinking; for seeing us neer thirty one, they with full bowls quickly put us out, so that I was enforced to go to sleep, which I supposed I did for about three hours, and then awaking I found my Gallants wanting; but I believe they were not all at that time idle; for upon inquiry, and search, I found them in an other chamber together, where I suppose she had fully performed the agreement for her cloaths to the content of the Scrivener, who now after a fresh bottle of wine, and payment of the reckoning which was no small one, hearty farewels given, and taken of his Mistress, her companion, and the Matron, we left that house, and taking coach ordered the Coach-man to drive to the next Tavern to my Master, where we called for a room, wine, and a fire, he gave me an Angel for my dayes service, and shifting himself put on his ordinary, and gave me his best cloathes to lay up at my Masters, wishing me to acquaint him that I had been in his company, and that would be sufficient for my excuse: I thanked him for his kindness, and Civility, and told him that his bounty had so tyed me to him, that I should at all times be joyful if I might serve him: As for my bounty, said he, I shall for the future be more free to you, and for mony you shall not want; for I am alwayes in capacity to furnish my friends, having the command of a great deal of cash, which I know well enough how to order to my own advantage, and it is but reason that I should dispose of some as well as my Master; for it is in my power to strip him of the greatest part of his estate, and ruine him in his credit. I being inquisitive after secrets, desired him to tell me how that Trade (which I supposed, only consisted in the making a few small writings) could be so profitable: To this he answered, that indeed it was true, they made not many writings, but dealt in much money, and his Master had an extraordinary way; for (persued he) if my Master wants two or three thousand pound, he can quickly command it, though he began with nothing, and indeed had every Bird her feather, he hath no estate: But he hath such slights, wayes, and confederates, that he can do what he listeth: He hath one piece of Brass hath yielded him two thousand pound: that is much, said I, and there must be more in your Trade than I can imagine, and I would be very glad to be acquainted with some of your Mysteries, and since you have promised me your friendship, whatever you shall relate to me, shall be surely and safely closeted up in my breast, and shall never by me be offered to your prejudice, and it may be some of my advice in your affairs may be profitable; for I have had much more experience in the world than you imagine. This discourse, and some other arguments which I used, induced him to give me a relation of many passages of his life: But much of the Knaveries of that mysterious Trade, which discourse he began to me in this manner.

The Scrivener recounts the Waggeries he committed the first three years of his Apprenticeship, and his Masters first Cheats by counterfeiting a Seal.

When I first came to Prentice, my Master (by reason of the Wars, which caused a general deadness in Trading) had but little to do: but he being one of the confiding party, did thereby get acquaintance with several rich men, and in short time by reason of the pretended sanctity, was entrusted by a Usurer to put out five hundred pound, which he did to his content; for he had a Lease of a City Companies which cost seven hundred pound assigned for security. My Master never having dealt in money before, and now finding the sweetness of Procuration, and making of writings, longed to be at it again: but though he had moneys offered him to put out, yet he could not meet with any security to content; for personal security by reason of the casualty of the Wars, was generally disliked, and Land in the Country was for the same reason refused, and only Leases in London, or Lands about London, was counted sufficient and approved of, wherefore this Companies Lease, on which he had procured monies did run much in his head, wishing for such another security, and projecting somewhat, which since he had put in execution, as I will tell you by and by: but I will first acquaint you how I behaved my self for the first three years of my time, whereby my Master took so good a liking to me, as to communicate his secrets to me. My Master was alwayes good natur’d, and kind to me: but on the contrary, my Mistris was cross and froward, so that I could seldome get a good word from her, and she would still employ me in several pieces of drudgery, as to carry burthens from London to our Countrey House, and then I must bring back from thence fletten or skim’d Milk, on which we must feed two or three daies in the week, when my Master would allow good roast Beef, which she would send for away: but I was still even with her for her niggardliness, and when I came to the Country House, I would usually get my share of the Cream; and being a lover of the Pies and Puddings, steal some from her. One time I being in the Larder, had a great mind to a bak’d-pudding that was there, but at first durst not meddle with it, because it was with other good cheer to be served up at the Table to Dinner, where were some guests: but for all that, the lovliness of the Pudding made me to take my knife, and turning it upside down, cut out one half of it, and so turning it down again, left it to be served hollow to the Table: but I departing for London e're Dinner was served, I know not how the Maides came off. At other times when I came to the Countrey House, if the fruit of the Orchard were ripe, then the gate was lock’d, and I was not admitted therein, but I would have my share by day or night; for I once invited some of my Confederates to Church thither on a Sunday, and in the Sermon time went with them and rob’d our own Orchard, which no body else durst attempt because of our Mastiff; nay, I went once from London at midnight, and having some of my Copesmates with me I entred the Orchard, and fetcht out the fruit which I would be sure should be of the best, and choicest of all the ground, and gave it to my Companions, and so we returned loaden to London; and thus did I vex her for her niggardliness, and although my Master did well enough suspect me, yet he would only laugh at my Mistriss when she was most passionately angry, and say, she was but rightly served. But at length my Master had a Son, who when I first came to Prentice was at Boarding-School: but in time growing up, his Mother had a great desire to have him live at home and be a Clerk: for my Masters employment encreasing, I gained moneys, and bought me some fine Cloathes, and wore a Watch in my pocket: at all which she was envious, and desirous that her Son might enjoy what I did, and therefore bound he was to his Father, and though this happened three years after I came, yet such was the injustice that I had done me, that he was not only placed before me in a seat, but I was commanded to make clean his shooes, and attend him, as if he had not been a Servant. This though I was forced to comply with, yet I was resolved to be revenged of, and therefore set my wits to work; I did clean his shoos, but in the edges instead of greazing them, I anointed them with Aqua fortis, and he putting them on, and going to the further end of London, the soles of the shoos fell from the Upper-leathers, they being so eaten by the Aqua fortis, and he sate at the Coblers stall whilst they were randed together again. He was of so covetous a disposition (like his Mother) that though he had moneys in his pocket, yet he would seldom spend any at the Ale-house, and therefore sate at the Coblers stall two hours, whilst his shoos were made fit for him to walk with, and then he came home and was soundly chidden by his Father, my Master, for his so long stay, which pleased me very well that he should be blamed for that fault whereof he had been so often guilty. He being of a sneaking peering humor, I could not be quiet for complaints he made of me, and by his applying himself close to his business, he would dispatch as much writing as I did: though I could when I listed, do twice as much in the time, and when he had done, he would be making and mending his Pens ready against business came in, but I would spoil all his Pens by cutting one neb of them away somewhat shorter than the other, so that when he came to write, he had his Pens to mend or new make, and so curious he was, that his Ink must be in a particular Standish by its self, whereto I would often put Oyl, so that it would not write; and then for his Parchment, he would choose the best skins, and give me the worst being greasie: but I would in his absence greaze his Parchment by rubbing it with a Candles end. Many other inventions I had to hinder and cross him, I found two pair of his Gloves one time, and bestowed some Cow-lich in all the seams on the inside of them, so that he putting them on, his hands quickly fell to itching, and he to scratching, till they were all bloudy, and so hot, that he was forced to put them in a pail of water, and then he cut his Gloves in pieces, that he might see what was in the inside, which was no small pleasure to me. He being a trouble and vexation to my fellow-servants as well as to me, they assisted me in my waggeries and contrivances against him. In his Mothers absence at the Countrey House, he kept the key of the Cupboard and Buttery, to hinder us from the better sort of Victuals, but I soon got another key, and had my full share of every thing, and when missed any thing, perswaded him, the Rats and Mice bereft him of it. When my Mistriss came to Town she would have her Lodging in the Chamber over the Kitching, because she would hear if we sit up after her; it was a good while er'e I could think of a way to cause her to remove her Lodging, but understanding that she could not endure Rats and Mice, I got a great dead Rat, and in the daytime put it into her bed between the sheets, so that she opening her bed to go into it, and seeing the Rat, was so extreamly affrighted, that she immediately left her Lodging, and went into another Chamber: but she doubting that we would sit up a nights after she was gone to bed, as indeed we often did, in Company of her Daughter, who was somewhat better condition’d than her Brother, and had many Junkets and Collations; she called her Son to watch, and he being willing to catch us, would come down part of the stairs softly in his shirt to listen: but we discerning his practice, strewed the stairs with pease, and nointed the edges with soap, so that one night down he fell backwards, and almost brake his Rib with the fall, and gave us timely notice to shift away for our selves: his Mother hearing the noise, comming down her self to help him, was served in the same kind, I hearing of this, and all being dark, ran in my shirt and Breeches as if newly awaked, and instead of helping them, went to the stairs and wip’d and rub’d them, and conveyed away most of the pease, so that my Master by this time being likewise up, and having a candle, did not distrust how they had been served, but helping them up, and I assisting my young Master to go to his bed, the next day he concluded the House was haunted by Spirits: By this means we were rid of his watchings; for after he was once in his Chamber of a night, he seldom came out again to watch us. But he would commonly stay in the Kitchin till he saw us all going to bed, neither would he permit me to come to the fire, upon which account we had a bussel, and I gave my Gentleman such a fall, that caused him to remember a good while after: but his Mother remembred me the next morning, for he having acquainted her with the matter, she took upon her to revenge it, which she did in this manner. I according to custom coming to the Cistern for water, to water the shop before I swept it, having one finger of one hand in the hole at the bottom of the bottle, and my t'other hand being employed in holding the bottle, and being stooping at the Cock of the Cistern my Mistress came near me, and there standing by me in a Tub a parcel of durty clouts wherewith the maids had newly washed down the stairs, she takes them up and slaps them about my face, so that I looked as durty as a Chimney-sweeper; and not contented therewith, she jouled my head against the Cistern: I thereupon standing upright, and feling my self wet, faced her, who now opening her mouth, made a great noise with her passionate exclamations against me for abusing her Son; I let her goe on in her discourse, and apprehending a way to be even with her, coming very near her, let my finger go from the bottom of the bottle, and holding it over her, it ran all upon her, so that she then having a great belly soon felt her self to wet through, and then she would have been at me again, but I shewed her a fair pair of heels, and ran away. Thus was I still even with them both, and my Master would seldom do any thing but laugh at what I did, taking much notice of my unhappy wit; for let her and her Son do all they could, I would be sure to have my share of the best sort of the Victuals; and she was of that dirty humor, that at a Christmas when she made a Feast, and a great deal of good chear was drest for her guests, she would then afford us nothing but a dish of stew’d Turneps, Milk, Pottage, or at the best, a leg of Beef; and though much Victuals were left in Platters, and on Trenchers, that she bestowed on the Water-bearer or Chair-woman, that they might report what a brave House she kept, and not a bit was given to us his Servants, unless she had kept it so long till it was mouldy or worse. Once I remember she promised us some Plumb-Pottage, and at the time she made two pots full, I asking the maid wherefore so much was made? she informed me, that one pot-full was much better than the other; I being told which was the best when my Master and Mistress were at Dinner, got a good Bason full of the best, and set it by for my self, and then mixed the rest so, so that we had all alike. But to lay aside all these fooleries, and now to the purpose, my Master perceiving me of a pretty smart wit, and fit for his purpose, he employed me in getting of a Seal made, the which I did, and it was like unto the Companies, which I told you was to the writing, upon which we lent 500l. He did not tell me the use of it at present, but I soon found it out; for not long after a Deed was made, and the Seal being put to it, my Master caused one who was his Confederate to bring it to our shop at such a time as he had a Usurer in his company who wanted security for moneys. In comes our Gentleman, and calling my Master aside, asked him if he could procure 500l. upon such a Companies Lease? Yes reply’d my Master if it be a good one; whereupon the Lease was produced, and the Usurer being there present look’d on it, and liked it so well, that he agreed to lend 400l. upon it: This at first would not please the Gentleman, because he pretended he was to pay 500l. but the value of the Lease being counted and reckoned at no more than 600l. he was contented at my Masters perswasions to accept of 400l. upon that security, and my Master promised him to furnish him with a 100l. more on his Bond of another person, a friend of his. Thus this business was made up, and assignment or mortgage being made of this Lease, the money was paid, and my Master as I soon understood, had 350l. thereof, and the Gentleman 50l. and I was likewise rewarded with twenty shillings, which the Gentleman gave me. Thus said the Scrivener, was my Master first beginnings in Cheating, which indeed was but small to these many great ones, which he soon after acted; of which you shall have an account in the next Chapter.