CHAP. XXIV.
The Book-sellers Prentice having discovered his Masters way of Cheating, now discovers his own.
Thus, said the Bookseller, have I given you a summary account of the most part of my Masters dealing, and the main way how he gained his Estate; for at this time he hath a shop very well furnished with all sorts of bound Books, and two or three Warehouses full of Books in quires; he hath above 1000l. owing him by Country-Chapmen; some Estate he hath in Land and Houses, and a very good Stock in the Hall, and all this is acquired in six years time out of nothing; and in this account of my Masters dealing, I have acquainted you with the greatest mysteries of our Trade: but, said I to him, I must confess you have told me those things I was not only ignorant of, but what I could not have believed could have been done, and so great an Estate could have been gained by the bookselling Trade, especially from so small a beginning as an A B C: but all this while the mystery is not disclosed; for though you have told me how your Master gets money, yet I hear nothing of your gains, neither indeed can I as yet conjecture how you should be furnished with money; for I suppose you keep an account of what you receive and pay, and that your Master takes care to look into his accounts, that no great matter can be gained that way. 'Tis very true, replied the Bookseller, he does so; and as he is of a false knavish temper himself, so he is suspitious of me, and very vigilant and watchful over me: but do you think, that I who have observed all his ways and crafty dealing, cannot find a way to be even with him, and put money into my own pocket? and indeed he does allow of my knavery and craftiness in over-reaching of others; for he in general is accounted the fittest servant of our Trade, that can out-wit and over-reach his brother-Bookseller; for it is not so much our keeping Shop, and selling a few Books to Scholars, Parsons, Gentlemen, nor sending to Country-Chapmen, for in that we use a constant price, and there is not much wit or craft to be used therein; but the craftiest part of our profession consisteth in making an Exchange-note with other Booksellers to the best advantage; and there is our greatest prize: for if any of our Chapmen send to us for Books, such as we do not print, and such as we are not at present furnished withal, then away we go to that Bookseller who is best furnished with them, and desire to make a Note with him, which he (being desirous to sort himself with some of our Books) willingly consents to; then do we commonly pretend least use for those Books we most want, otherwise we should be sure to go without them, unless we took many of other sorts, that were little better then waft paper; and so we, by telling our brother Bookseller that of such a Book they are almost gone, and the like, we put off the greatest number of our worst Books, and the fewest of our best; and being indifferent of taking any quantity of those we most need, we commonly have most put upon us; and so are furnished with what we desire: and in this way of exchanging Books for Books, we have the most occasion of exercising our wits, and many times receive commendations from our Masters for so doing; and when we meet with one another, the business being over, triumph over those we have thus outwitted.
This business of Exchanging brings us Prentices acquainted with each other more then any thing else, for that this matter is commonly left to our management; and on this acquaintance depends the greatest part of our profit: for though we can sometimes when we take money in the Shop put up half a Crown or a Crown for a Book that our Master knows not of, yet that is but seldome, and little Money is given us, unless it be by the better sort of Customers, whose Books we carry home, and then perhaps we may have a shilling or two bestowed on us; but this is nothing in respect of our other profit, which I shall now tell you of.
We trading for a great deal to Chapmen into the Country, do print very much, and sometimes one Book is printed very often, and a number of 25 or 50 cannot be so discovered: sometimes we are in fee with the Printer, procure him to print such a number over for us, which he consents to, that he may do as many for himself: and then for the manner of our selling of them, it is by Combination, Confederacy, and Correspondency, which some of us Apprentices have with each other; for we have our Warehouse as well as our Master, and are furnished with much variety; every one of the Combination bringing some quantity to this joynt-Stock, of what his Master printeth; and then as occasion serveth we furnish each other: but the chiefest way of making money of these, is by three or four young Booksellers, who being newly set up do buy them of us, it may be two pence in the shilling cheaper then they can buy them of our Masters: we have ready money, or at furthest when they have sold them; and to this end we have commonly one of these Booksellers in every considerable place of Trading about Town, and sometimes we employ a rambling Bookseller to go a Birding, and offer them at places, and oftentimes our Masters buy some of their own Books of this Ubiquitarian-Bookseller; and one or two being intrusted with management of the Stock, gives account to all the rest; and so we divide the profit; at other times we being employed by our Masters to get in Books for our Country-Chapmen, we inform them that the Book being out of print we cannot have it without ready money, and then we being ordered to get them, (for our Customers must be served) we have them out of our own Stock, and put the ready money into our pockets. Sometimes I have gotten fourty or fifty shillings by being partners with one of the young Booksellers in printing a Pamphlet; and if it be an unlicensed thing, we sell them privately to Customers in the Shop; if a factious thing, we have our factious Customers; if obscene or wanton, we accordingly are provided with those that buy them: and thus with these ways, and some others which are too long to relate at this time, I can make a shift to spend fourty or fifty pound a year, to keep my suit of private cloaths, and to allow my Wench eight shillings a week, to whom I constantly pay that Portion; and I think my share of the Stock at present may amount to fourty pound. And thus you see, that though so many thousands go through the Scriveners hands, and so few through mine, yet I can make a shift to get some money out of our paper, as well as he out of his parchment; and I doubt not, but when I come out of my time, to do as well as the best of our trade; for having learnt so much in this Art, I question not but I shall put it in practice to my advantage.
Thus did he put an end to his Discourse; and drinking a Pot or two more of Beer, having had some other merry discourse about the Scriveners Wench, and such like other matters, we parted; he, to go meet with some of his brother Booksellers, to take account of their private Stock; and I, to my Masters about my ordinary Imployments, still ruminating in my mind of all the passages that these two Blades the Scrivener and Bookseller had related to me; and from thence did conclude, that I should find all the rest of our Clubbing-brethren stored with the same Discourses; and now I meditated on nothing more then how I might get money enough, for that was the only thing that made crooked things straight; and if a man have enough of that, he may defie all men. It can make knees bow, and tongues speak against the native genius of the groaning heart; it supples more then oyl or fomentations, and can stiffen beyond the Summers Sun, or the Winters white-bearded cold. In this we differ from the ancient Heathen; they made Jupiter their chief God, and we have crowned Pluto. He is Master of the Muses, and can buy their Voyce; the Graces wait on him, Mercury is his Messenger, Mars comes to him for pay, Venus is his prostitute; he can make Vesta break her vow, he can have Bacchus be merry with him, and Ceres feast him when he lists; he is the sick mans Æsculapius, and the Pallas of an empty brain; nor can Cupid cause Love, but by his Golden-headed Arrow. Money is a general man, and without doubt excellently parted: Petronius describes his Qualities.
And to conclude, as it commands Gods and Goddesses, so all sorts of men and women are obedient to him that has the command of this God Money; and therefore I was resolved to put in for a share of it.
CHAP. XXV.
The Relater with the Scrivener and Bookseller and their Wenches being merry in a Tavern, fall out with other Company, and are sent by an Alderman to the Counter. The Relater in revenge cheats the Alderman of his Scarlet Gown, which is converted into Petticoats for the three Wenches.
I having thus gained an intimate acquaintance with all these my Brother-Clubbers, did set forth my own good parts; and they having been open with me in the discovery of their manner of living, and how they furnished themselves with money even to superfluity, I was as free to them in relating many actions of my forepassed life; by which means they found me the more fit for their society: and I having passed through variety of conditions, as having been of several Trades, and informing them of several mysterious Cheats which I had performed in them, they all took a very great liking to me; but there was none whom I so much affected as the Scrivener and Bookseller, because I found them the best stored with money; and I often accompanied them to their Wenches, where we had extraordinary Treatments, and such Company as exceeded all the rest; for I had my lass as well as they; and though I paid nothing of the reckoning, yet my Wench was often as well provided for as theirs; for I furnished her with Cloaths equal to any of them, and then the less money served the turn. We three being one night at a Tavern with our Wenches, where we passed a Winters evening in their pleasing society, our spirits being raised with wine, and the harmony of Musick joyned to our Ladies voyces, in which they all three were very excellent; It happened that their harmony begot a desire in the people in the next Room to be attentive to our Musick: the Scrivener desiring his Lady to sing a particular new Song alone, she consented thereunto, and performed it very well, with good applause: one person in the next room, who had given attention thereto, and had lately been in company with the Singer, knowing her Voyce, was resolved by one means or other to see and drink with her; and thereupon leaving his Company, he came into our Room, and civilly asking leave, saluted the Ladies, and took acquaintance with the Scriveners Mistress: she being somewhat displeased thereat, in short time took occasion to tell her friend the Scrivener that she was much troubled at this accident, and desired his favourable interpretation of this action, for she assured him, she only knew this person as a retainer to the house where she lodged, he coming to another Lady there, and not to her; and withal she desired him, if he thought fit, to affront and chastise him for this his unmannerly intrusion. Her friend the Scrivener being thus informed by his Lady, called me and the Bookseller on one side, and acquainted us with the matter; so that we suddenly resolved to rid ourselves of this bold intruder: when we returned to the fire where we left our unwelcome guest and the women, we found him toying with them, and a little more bold then either they or we were willing to permit and allow of; wherefore we gave him some angry words, which he being a bluff fellow retorted, and we striving to force him out of the Room, he single as he was set upon us all, to the great affrightment of the Women, who now beginning to squeak out, our noise occasioned the rest of our guests Companions who were in the next Room to come into ours, and there seeing their Friend set on by us three, which indeed being odds, they fell on us to his assistance: many blows were not enterchanged, before the Master of the house and others (being called by the noise we made, and the clamours of the women) entred the Room; but all they could do, could not part us, so eager we were in defending, as we thought, the honour of our Ladies; so that the Constable was sent for, and we all seized on; but refusing to be obedient, he forthwith caused us to be conducted to the Justices, who was an Alderman that lived not far off; we being brought before his Worship, being as yet hot as well with Wine as anger, could not agree in our story, nor the occasion of our quarrel; but glad we were when we saw that our Ladies had slipt away, as indeed it was but time (for had they gone with us, I doubt Bridewel would have been their lodging, and they should have had rapping cheer.) They having thus made their escapes who were the cause of our difference, and we every one contradicting each other in our Discourses, the Alderman made no more ado, but sent us all to the Counter, both Plaintiffs and Defendants: by such time as we were well settled in our Quarters, and had paid our Garnishes, we all considering the matter, and at length conversing with our Adversaries, put our quarrelsome business in a fair way to be ended; for the occasion being a Whore, we all agreed upon one tale to tell the Alderman next morning; when being brought before him, and he finding then no difference between us, supposing that it was only a drunken quarrel, was at length perswaded to release us; but before we went, he forced us to pay our fees, and likewise some money to the poor for being drunk; all which we made a shift to do, by borrowing of one another, and so we were discharged.
Thus was this business overpassed: but though we made a shift to hide it from our Masters, pretending some of our wonted excuses, yet the rest of the Brethren of the Club were acquainted with it, and we were soundly laught at, and our Wenches applauded for their wit in making their timely escape, or else it would have fared worse with us as well as them, and our business must have come to our Masters ears.
This disgrace stuck upon us a great while, for our Companions would often ask us, when we would go and visit Master Alderman again: wherefore I bethought my self of a trick how to be revenged of the Alderman, and thereby cause the Discourse to cease: I often going by the Aldermans house, saw him standing at his door, and he had a common custome every afternoon to stand or sit there three or four hours together. I waiting my opportunity, went to the Alderman, and asked if his Maid-servant was within: which of them, said he, Nan or Suzan? Suzan, quoth I: yes, said the Alderman, What is your business with her? May it please your Worship, said I, I was sent hither to take measure of her for some new cloaths: What then thou art a Taylor, said he; I replied, yes, and so he sent me in. I being acquainted with the Maids name (and seeing the Alderman engaged at the door, still talking with another person) asked for Suzan: when she came to me, I told her, that her Master sent me in to her, and wished me to ask for his Skarlet Gown, to mend it against a feasting-day then approaching: she knowing her Master was at the door, and beleeving my story, went for it (I in the mean time watching whether the Alderman still continued at the door, for if I had seen him comming in, I would have made my excuses and depart) but as good luck would have it, the Maid came and gave me the Gown, and went about her other business; I wrapping it up under my cloak, went again to the door where Master Alderman was sitting, who asked me, whether I had taken measure of his Maid; I told him, yes: What already? said he. Yes, and please your Worship: then thou hast made haste, said he; make her Clothes handsome, she’s a good Wench, and make haste with them too, and let me see that you work well, and thou mayst do some work for me, and in time thou mayst have good of the Wench. I (being troubled with Master Aldermans large discourse) only replied, I shall, if it please your Worship; and so left him, and went my ways to the next Alehouse, where I applauded my self for my so happy contrivance, and safe deliverance from Master Aldermans impertinences.
After a little stay in this Alehouse, and night coming on, I being thus fraughted with this rich Cargo, sailed to the Tavern where we used to meet, and the Gown being wrapt up in a cloth, I delivered to the Drawer to lay up, and went up into a Room, where calling for a faggot and pint of Wine, I had not staid long ere some of our Club came, and in short time all the rest; we fell to merry-making, and in our jollity some of our Company nosed us with Master Alderman: well, said I, I suppose that jobb might cost us twenty shillings a piece, and though Master Alderman might put the most part of it into his pocket; yet how say you, if I can propound a way how to be revenged on him? My two Companions, the Scrivener and the Bookseller, told me, if I could do it, they would give me twenty shillings a piece; a match, said I, I’le be judg’d by the Company: and thereupon I told them the story, and how I had cheated Master Alderman of his Skarlet-Gown; and to make good my word, caused it to be brought up, and shew’d before them: very well pleased was the Scrivener and Bookseller, and all the rest amazed at the boldness of my adventure, which was by all applauded for a great piece of wit, and my money was by them accordingly paid me; then after a cup or two of Wine, consideration was had, what should be done with the Gown, and how it should be disposed of, for we all knew it was hazardous and dangerous to dispose of it as it was: so after many propositions and consultations, it was at length generally agreed on, that I should cut it in pieces, and out of Master Aldermans Gown I should make three Petticoats, which should be bestowed on our three Madonas; and this adjudged very fit and equitable, that they having endured part of the brunt, should receive the whole prize: this I assented to; and the Scrivener and Bookseller, in regard the Gown was mine, gave me each of them twenty shillings a piece more, for their share of the cloath; and also they between them furnisht me with a rich gold and silver Lace, to be put upon my Ladies Petticoat, equal and alike to that which was put on theirs: and this was an end of the adventure with Master Alderman, of whom we never enquired how he and his maid Suzan agreed about the Gown.
CHAP. XXVI.
The Relater and several others of the Clubbing-Prentices assist the Drugster in putting off of some of his Commodities; he gives them gratuities, and relates a notable Cheat by his Master put upon an Iron-monger.
In this manner did we spend our time; and though our Masters gained more money, and dayly increased their Estates, yet we enjoyed the greater pleasure in each others society: and now we being all acquainted with one anothers ways, assisted each other in all things, and there was no want for ourselves or Wenches, who were often at our meetings, and assisted in our mirth.
I remember one evening, a young man, a Drugster, who was one of our Club, told us that we must all of us assist him in a matter he was about, and he should not only gain a good opinion of his Master, but we should have a Piece or two to spend; we hearing there was convenience and profit, agreed together, soon consented to do our utmost, and therefore desired him to acquaint us with the matter: he thereupon told us, that his Master had lately bought a parcel of Drugs of two or three sorts, which did cost him about 1000l. in hopes of great gain, for they were at double the price that he would afford his at; but they being too much for one mans sale, he offered to sell good part of them to some of the Trade; but they refused to buy, unless they might have them cheaper then he was willing to afford them, pretending that they had no need of that Commodity, being sufficiently furnished with the same; although we were very certain that they could have none of it, there being none to be had in all London, till of late my Master bought this parcel that came from beyond Sea: Now my Master being desirous to sell his Commodity, hath considered of a way how to make his brother-Drugsters come to him, and pray him to sell it to them at his price; that way is thus:
He hath desired me to get some of my acquaintance to go to most of the Drugsters in and about London, and pretending to be Apothecaries and others that need those Commodities, to enquire for them, and bespeak quantities thereof; and then he knows, that not being able of themselves to furnish them, they will repair to him, and give him his price. Oh! said the Bookseller, have you learned that trick? I am very well acquainted with this manner of trade; for we commonly use this slight to sell our Books: for when we have printed a Book that we doubt will not sell without preferring, and more ado than ordinary, then we not onely Title it upon Posts, put it into News-books, and use several other ways to make it famous; but we sometimes send several of our acquaintance and friends to most Booksellers shops to inquire for this new Book; and they coming so one after another, at length Master Bookseller is perswaded to buy some of them; nay, sometimes, the more to encourage the Booksellers to buy some quantities, we allow our friends to lay out some moneys with them, and buy several of them; and so the Bookseller will commonly, if he sell one or two, buy six or a dozen; and by this means our moneys come in again with profit. Well, reply’d the Drugster, this course must we take with these Drugs, or else they may prove a very Drug to my Master; for he hath served some of our Trade so many tricks already, that they are very cautious how they deal with him; but this trick of sending friends to ask for a Commodity he hath often used, neither did he learn it of the Bookseller: but there happened an extraordinary chance sometime since, and from that experience he hath taken this course.
For there was a person who is used to make Syringes, which Chirurgions and others use to squirt withal in several Distempers; and this man being out of imployment, made a great quantity of them, and laid them by him; but not knowing how to dispose of them, he bethought him of this way of sending some friends to inquire for them: and so well did he manage his business, that by employing persons to enquire of Drugsters and Apothecaries for them, he not onely sold all he had made by him, but in less than a quarter of a year, he took above 200l. for this Commodity: and this my Master took notice of, and I suppose made a president of, and now resolves upon the same course to put off his Drugs; wherefore I desire your utmost assistance herein, and I shall when you please spend a Piece or two in a Collation. All our Club-fraternity agreed on this, and promised to be active here: and thus resolving on our next time of meeting, we parted.
I for my part, the next day accoutring my self in a Country Gentile-garb, went to several Drugsters, and asked for several Drugs, whose names I had gotten; but amongst all, I more earnestly desired a good quantity of those that were to be thus put off, telling them I was a Country-Apothecary, and should call three or four days after again, and lay out a considerable sum of money with them. I having done this for my part, and the rest of our associates having been as diligent, we meeting three days after together, our Drugster told us, that his Master had sold all his Commodities to very great profit; and therefore, said he, This Collation, and each of you a Crown more to buy Gloves, is my Masters charge, and he desires you to accept thereof; which we accordingly did, being glad we had done so good service to him and his Master.
I understanding by this, that there were tricks and cheats in this Trade as well as others, was desirous to be acquainted with the manner of their Trading; and he being but a Novice, told me, he could not tell me much of it, but he was very sensible that there was much knavery in that Mystery, in mixing and sophisticating their Drugs, and getting the spirits of some of them away, and renewing it in others, as served to their profit: and, pursued he, I have one trick whereby my Master gets some money in a year; for it being customary to give a Pipe of Tobacco to any one that comes into the Shop, and desires it, I give them of that which is very good; and they liking thereof, and the price, commonly buy of the same, and sometimes a quantity, desiring it may be still of the same they have tasted; the which I promise to do, and before their eyes take it out of the same box; but the knack of it is this, it is for all that a different and worser sort of Tobacco; for the Tobacco that I gave them as a taste, is onely placed in one corner of the box for that purpose, and so it goes off, as if it were all of the same; and sometimes we put off a whole Roll of Tobacco in the same manner: for the outside-roll is of good Spanish right, but all the inner-part is Mundungoes, worth a groat a Cart-load.
But this is nothing to what ways my Master hath; and he lately exercised his wits to a pretty profitable account, and thus it was: My Master among other sorts of Drugs, had bought a quantity of Dragons-bloud, being pieces of wood, dipped, as is supposed, or rather pretended, in Dragons-bloud; and this is good in Physick, and for other uses: this Commodity not proving very good, my Master had a great desire to put it off, but could not get any body to buy of it: he had been not only with Drugsters, but also with some Iron-mongers to sell it, for they use it about their Locks, and other Iron-work, to keep them from rust; but no person was willing to deal with him about it. My Master had a Neighbour that was an Iron-monger, whom he had a great desire to deal withal; but he being a wary young man, and hearing that my Master was a snap, refused all dealing with him: and some words passed that displeased my Master, and therefore he resolved to be avenged; and thereupon having designed his business, with the help of two Confederates, he thus puts it in execution.
He gave a small quantity of this Dragons-bloud to one of his Confederates, who having full instructions, went to the Iron-mongers house, and seeing him standing at the door, asked him if he wanted not some of that Commodity, shewing the same to him: No, said the Iron-monger. I was informed, said the man, that you sometimes deal in it, and was recommended by a friend to come to you; and if you please to deal with me, I shall use you very kindly. To this the Iron-monger replyed, that he needed not any of it. But, said the other, I suppose you sell of it to others sometimes, and may therefore do me a courtesie, and your self too, for I have not a shop to sell it in, and am a stranger; wherefore, if you please, I shall leave this parcel with you, and you putting it on your stall may happen on a Customer, which if you do, I can furnish you with more; and thus you, without laying out any money, may get some profit. The Iron-monger hearing of this, and conceiving the man to be honest and harmless, consented to his desire, entertained the condition and the goods, and enquired further of the price; the man telling him that he understood it was worth three shillings per pound, but he would willingly take two shillings eight pence, because he might have profit; and telling him that he would call on him in a weeks time: and they at this time parted.
And thus the Iron-monger having received the Commodity, put some of it out every day on his Stall, till at length a man coming by, and seeing that to lye there, and the Master of the shop at the door, asked him the price thereof; the Iron-monger told him three shillings per pound. The Customer desired to look further into it, desiring to know how much he had of it; Truely, said the Iron-monger, I cannot tell, but I suppose, if we agree, I can furnish you with a good quantity. Why, said the Customer, I will give you two shillings eight pence per pound for it, if you have 500 lib. of it. Well, said the Iron-monger, call here a day or two hence, and I will resolve you, and it is like we may deal together: Thus at present they parted. But he came again the next day, and the day following, pretending great earnestness to buy the Commodity: in the mean time the Iron-monger waited and watched narrowly to see and speak with the man that left it there, but could not meet with him, for he stayed away on purpose; and this Customer that came to buy was likewise the other of my Masters Confederates, and sent by him for that purpose. At length the Iron-monger standing at his door, saw the man who left the Dragons bloud passing by his door, and called to him, and then discoursed seriously with him about the matter, as, what would be his lowest price, and what quantity he had? To both these Questions he answered, He would take two shillings six pence; and the quantity he had was 500 lib. The Iron-monger hearing this, and resolving now to deal, told him, that he thought it was too dear; but if he would take two shillings four pence, he thought he might buy all his quantity. To this the Seller replyed, That it was too cheap; but taking all, and paying him ready mony, he would do it. The Iron-monger replyed, That ready money was two months: but, said he, If I deal, you shall have half down at the delivery, and the other half at three months: to this they both agreed. But the Iron-monger being cautious, would not at present fully conclude, referring the ending the Bargain to two days, in the mean time resolving to see if his Customer came that was to buy; and then enquiring the name and habitation of the Seller, they parted.
Long had not the Iron-monger waited, but his buying Customer came by, and as earnestly as formerly desired to buy the Commodity; the which now the Iron-monger agreed to sell at two shillings eight pence per pound, and to be paid at weighing; and that he might be sure of his Customer, he takes ten shillings in part of payment, and appoints two days thence to finish the bargain. Thus did the Iron-monger reckon to gain 500 Groats, which is 8l. 3s. 4d. Besides, he was resolved to have all ready money, and to pay but half; but he reckoned without his Host, as I shall presently tell you: for the Seller of the Dragons-bloud coming the next day, finished his bargain, delivered his Commodity, received his money, and took a Bill from the Iron-monger for the moiety of his money to be paid in three months. But now the Iron-monger had the Commodity, he might go look for a Customer; for he that left the ten shillings came no more, and the Commodity lay still on his hands; at which he was fretted, but could not help himself.
My Master having thus managed this affair by these two Confederates, received the mony, and had the Bill assigned to him, giving both his Confederates something for their pains.
He having thus done the Iron-monger’s business, was not contented with the profit alone, but was resolved to vex him; and therefore when he passed by his shop, he asked him if he would buy any Dragons-bloud. No, said the other, I can sell you some. I’ll buy, said my Master; but when he saw it, and heard the price, he told him, No, he could sell him as good as that for 12 d. per pound. At this the Iron-monger was more vexed; but not knowing how to help himself, was forced to rest contented; at length the three months came, and then my Master was resolved to shew all his anger, and vex the Iron-monger more, and therefore went himself to demand the money that was due: the Iron-monger answered him, that he owed him none: Whereupon he produced his bill, and a Letter of Attorney; and then he too late perceived how he had been served. For my Master told him, that now he would be even with him, for refusing to deal with him, and abusing him. The other said, it was a cheat, and he would make him bring out the party that bought it, giving him ten shillings in part of payment. That shall I do quickly, said my Master, but it will be small to your gain: and then told him the name of the man, and that he was not worth a farthing, and a Prisoner in the Kings-bench. At this the Iron-monger being much more vexed then before, told my Master that he would not pay him, and bid him take his course; the which he did the next morning, and arresting him, soon brought the case to a tryal, and having an absolute bill for payment of the money, cast the Iron-monger; who advising with his Lawyers, went to Westminster for a Writ of Error, which he gained: but when he came back with it, thinking to stop Execution, he found that he came too late; for my Master doubting some such business, never left till he served the Execution, so that when the poor Iron-monger came back with his Writ of Error, he found the Bayliffs and my Master in his shop, in possession of his goods; and he being out of Moneys at present, was forced to let my Master have all his Dragons-bloud again at twelve pence per pound, and so in that and other Commodities paying his Debt and Charges, and giving each other general Releases (which my Master earnestly insisted on, and without which my Master would do nothing, the Iron-monger being in a strait) they made an end of this bargain: and now the Iron-monger, when he came to a second reckoning of his bargain, found, that instead of getting 8l. 3s. 4d. he had lost 33l. 3s. 4d. besides all his Cost; and my Master thus having gained by his Commodity, sold it since to another for one shilling six pence per pound. And this, said the Drugster, is but one of my Masters ways to get money.
This young fellow had taken a great deal of pains to discover every particular of his Masters late bargain: from what he had related, I concluded the Master to be a very cunning practitioner in the Mysterious Art of Knavery, and therefore I was desirous to be acquainted with him; and knowing that he was but a young man himself, and also desirous of acquaintance, I found no great difficulty to attain to my desires, which I soon after accomplished, as I shall relate to you in the next Chapter.
CHAP. XX.
The Relater and the Drugsters Master come acquainted, being concerned in Tryals at Law: their several Cases they relate to each other.
My Master having much dealing, had many Debts owing him, and he was forced to sue some persons to get in his monies; and I having delivered a parcel of Clothes, was sub-pœna’d to attend to testifie the same in Court, upon a Tryal which my Master was to have with his Debtor. I attended the Court when Tryal of the Cause should be call’d, several hours; and there did I meet with the young Drugster, who was likewise waiting upon some such like occasion: we both having leisure, and his servant having told him that I principally assisted in putting off his Drugs, he to gratifie me, offered me a Pint of Wine. I accepted his kindness, and to the Tavern we went, where he again thanked me for the courtesie I had done him; and then he enquired my business at the Court. I told him, it was upon a Tryal of my Masters, who sued one for money for a suit of Clothes. That is strange, said he, that any should refuse to pay for work when done. True, said I, but he pretends that there is somewhat more then ordinary in the Case, as indeed there is, if well understood; and knowing you to be ingenious, I shall relate it to you. A person had occasion to have a suit of Clothes made, and would not entrust my Master to buy the Cloth; but having enquired how much would do the business, my Master told him five yards and a half, to make a suit and large coat. The other supposing that five yards would do the business, and the half yard be saved, bought but five; and bringing it home, desired my Master to cut it out before him; and if there wanted any more cloth, it should be supplyed. My Master seeing himself distrusted, was resolved to be even with his Customer; and to cutting of it out he went: first, he cut out the Doublet, and then the Breeches; but instead of one pair of Breeches, he cut out two pair, perswading the Customer that it was but one; and when he came to cut out the coat, there was a great deal of cloth wanting; so that the Gentleman was forced to buy a yard more of cloth, the which he saw cut out likewise; and though he was cheated before his face, could not discover it; my Master serving him well enough: for whereas he intended but to get half a yard of cloth by him, he now saved a whole one.
The suit was made up, and the Gentleman wore it: but as yet not being fully satisfied, coming into company with another Taylor, he asked how much cloth might be in that suit and coat. The Taylor replyed, Five yards: the Gentleman said he bought six, and saw it all cut out and put into the clothes. The Taylor wondring hereat, told him, that he would make him a suit and coat full as large as that with five yards. The Gentleman agreed; and more cloth was bought, delivered to the Taylor, and the suit made accordingly. The Gentleman not as yet having paid my Master his bill, refused to do it, pretending he is cheated, but not knowing how; and this day we are to have a Tryal, and I question not, but I who am my Masters chief witness, shall be able to out wit the other Master-Taylor, who is here in Court ready to testifie against us. How do you mean to order your matters? said the Drugster. Truely, said I, in one word, I will make oath, that all the Gentlemans six yards of cloth was cut out and made up, in Doublet, Breeches and Coat, as indeed it was; but I do not say, how many pair of Breeches; and I suppose, they not suspecting me, will not be curious in asking the question.
The Drugster was so well pleased in my relation of the story, that he told me his Case, which said he, is this. I have had some little misfortunes in the world, and people have lately called on me for money, more than I could well pay at present; and one person particularly has been so outragiously foolish, as to say that I was a Bankrupt, and that I would never pay him: now I have brought my Action against him for slander and defamation, and hope to get so great damages against him, as he shall be willing to forgive me my debt: and this will be a good leading Card to muzzle the mouths of the rest of my Creditors, who indeed are so civil as to come into Court, and testifie in my behalf.
This Case being well managed (said I) may be very considerable with you, and turn to your profit and credit both. Our Wine and Discourse being ended, we both went into the Court, where I heard his Tryal so well managed, as he recovered 200l. damage: and my Master, with my evidence, recovered his Debt; and then threatened to sue the Gentleman for defamation: he hearing thereof, and seeing how great damages were given to one there present, upon the same account, presently made his Composition with my Master, and gave him ten pound to put up the business. My Master gave me 20s. to spend, which I did in Wine and good Company; and the Drugster having had this success, was now more contented than ever, and his credit grew high in the City, so that he was intrusted with some thousands; but he and I being after that very intimate, I perswaded him at a convenient time to give me an account of his life and actions; I having formerly told him of many of mine. We being planted at a Tavern, and no person to interrupt us, he began as followeth.
CHAP. XXVIII.
The Drugster in relating his Life, discovers several Cheats which he performed under the Cloak of Religion; as also how he cheated his Masters Sister of her Maiden-head and Estate; and several Cheats in Smuckling.
Though the whole course of my Life, from my Infancy to this time, hath been a continued piece of Knavery, I having been of many Trades, and most Factions in Religion, in which I have always been a very great stickler: yet I shall not give you any account of my minority, omitting all my actions till I came to about twenty years of age, when I had gained some experience in the world, and had learned how to play my Cards to the best advantage.
I served an Apprentiship with a Master, whose whole Family, consisting of himself, Wife, Sister, and four Servants, was an absolute Compendium of most Religious Factions then practised in England: He himself was a strict rigid Presbyterian; his Wife, a Ranter; his Sister, an Anabaptist; three of the Servants Independants, but of several Churches and Perswasions; and I, though an Independant, being of all Religions, yet was of none at all, that gave them all the hearing; and with my Master was a Presbyterian, and would ordinarily accompany him in his long-winded prayers, which being filled with tautologies and nonsence, he esteemed, and often used, believing himself to be assisted with a Divine Spirit. Many absurdities he committed in his Devotion, as praying for the Reformation of his Family, and pointing out a time when he should or would have a return of his Prayers, at which time he would charge Providence with the fault; he having strictly observed all the Commandments, in Fasting, Praying, relieving the Brethren, and performing all other Duties which Sir John his Ghostly father had imposed on him. He would often recount the particular enormities of his Wife and Family, and how she lay out from him three nights together in a week, and where she was; and would earnestly pray for, either her conversion or confusion. Many other impertinencies would he commit, which would be too tedious to me to recount: but in general, I found his zeal to be a weakness in his brain, and he was continually led about as Sir John Presbyter directed.
My Mistress was likewise led about by those of her Gang, which were absolute Libertines, affording themselves all manner of pleasure, and denying themselves the injoyment of nothing they could purchase; and she would pretend Religion in all her frollicks: for she would say, That no sin was imputed to the Saints; and indeed it was no sin, unless she her self thought it so. That she, or any other Sister, might lie with another Brother, was accounted a general maxime amongst them, especially if they chose their time when their Husbands are asleep, which they termed to be dead, and therefore might then do it without breach of any Commandment. She would be very costly both in her Apparel and diets alleadging, that it was not fit, that the Body which was a sacred Temple, should be coursly either clothed or fed. I had a great mind to have been of her Religion, because there was so much freedom and enjoyments therein; but my Master kept me in a little too strictly; and my Mistress keeping company with the High-boys, slighted the tender of my service. Thus having failed in this attempt, I made my way to my Mistresses Sister, who was an Anabaptist; she I often waited on by my Mistresses commands, and at length was admitted to be one of the Brethren in the Conventicle, whereof she was a Sister; I professed a great deal of zeal for that way, and my Master often instructed me in Scripture, I soon from a proficient became a Preacher, and was of great eminency amongst them.
Thus did I spend my time till my Apprenticeship was out, and I was a freeman; and then did I begin to look about me, to see what I might get for my self: for I had never undertaken this course of Teaching, but in hopes to gain my Mistresses Sister; and she still put me off till I was out of my time, pleading tenderness of Conscience would not permit her to give me any enjoyment of her before Marriage, and that could not lawfully be done, till my time was out; which being come, I freshly courted her, and she gave me the hearing, but still put me off desiring me first to settle my self in the World. I now believing that she intended to delude me was resolved to play the same hand at Cards with her; and perswading her that I still gained somewhat of an Estate by my dealings in the World, I spent some moneys on her, and taking my opportunity gained my ends upon her; for pretending that I had lately made a bargain, whereby I should get 100l. if I had fifty pound ready money more then my own, which was likewise fifty pound; She having moneys by her, willingly consented to lend me fifty pound, provided that she might see the disbursing thereof. I then thinking to kill two Birds with one stone, readily consented; and heartily thanking her, desired her to provide her self to go with me next Tide to Gravesend, where I was to lay out the moneys: she did accordingly, and carrying fifty pound with her, I having raised such another sum, we took boat and made for Gravesend, where when we arrived, I left her to rest herself at an Inn, and went on board a Ship that was newly come from the Indies, and bought as much Indigo as came to 150l. I had it a very good penny worth, but not so good as to perswade her that I should gain 100l. by it, which I had promised: wherefore that I might make out the matter to be plain to her, I engaged the Seaman I had dealt withal to secrecy, and made this bargain, that I would pay him 100l. down, and pay the rest in two moneths, telling him that I was a great dealer. He believing me without much difficulty, not only consented to this, but also to say, that he had but 100 l. for all the Commodity; we having thus agreed, went to my Sweet-hearts Chamber, and there concluded our bargain before her; who having some skil in the price of that Commodity, did believe the bargain to be as profitable as I alledged to her, and freely laid down her money, which together with my fifty pound was paid to the Seaman, and the goods delivered into a Lighter to be carried to London, and delivered according to order.
This affair being dispatch’d, I was resolved to drive the nayl home a little further, and as I had got the money, so to get the maid; wherefore I pretending expedition, told her, it would be most convenient for us to ride home: she wholly confiding in me, consented thereto, and a horse was procured to carry us double; mounted we were, and so advanced on our journy; but pretending some business, I made an halt at the next Town home wards, where I did my Horse the unkindness to prick him in the foot, that he might halt, and not be able to carry us through that night; this being done, we again mounted, and I fell to thanking my Mistress for this great favour, not only in assisting me with her purse, but accommodating me with her Company; and now, said I, I hope you will no longer delay me the enjoyment of yourself, and the rest of your Estate. Truly, said she, this days action hath resolved me of all doubts, and now I have so good opinion of you, that I shall no longer delay our marriage, then shall stand with your conveniency. To this I returned answer full of love and kindness. Our horse by this time felt the effects of my work, for he halted so much, that we could only go a foot pace, and with much difficulty came to the next Town, where we were forced to alight; and it now growing late, and impossible to get to London that night, we resolved to take up our quarters for the present.
I having placed my Mistress in a Private Chamber, went into the Stable, and soon removed the obstruction that hindred our horse from going, so that by the next morning he was well enough able to travel, I left him to the care of the Hostler, and went up to my Mistress, who expected me to supper, which I had ordered to be provided for us, and that being ready, I invited our Landlady to be a guest: though our Commons were but short, being only one Chicken, yet I made a long Grace, which according to our custome, might amount to a prayer; and I remember that among other matters, I prayed that our horse might be so well recovered, as that he might be able to carry us next day to London: our Landlady soon understanding what kind of Guests she had, believing that she should get little by our Company, was desirous of leaving it, which she did, by pretending business, and so we had the whole Chicken left us for our own eating, we hardly made or left any bones of it, so hungry we were. Supper being ended, we went to the fire, and I designing my business, call’d for a Quart of Claret, which we burn’d, sweetned, and drank off; and by this time my Mistress was so sweet upon me, that we talked very familiarly and pleasantly, and oftentimes I interlaced our Discourses with kisses and amorous sighs, to which I was welcomed, and many times invited; I then called for another Quart of Wine, which we likewise drank off; and then I found my Mistress was very full of the Creature, so that she drew neer to the bed, and at length cast her self thereon; I was not long after her, but lay down likewise, and first beginning with embraces and kisses, in a little time I gained possession of all my endeavors she lying as fast asleep all the while; but when I had done, and was again laid by her, she started up, and seemed to be very angry with me; but I supposing that it was because I had so soon done, catched hold of her, and attempted to be at her again; but in vain did I endeavour it, for she then began to be angry, reproaching me with dishonesty, and using many canting terms, which I omit: I told her, what was done could not be undone, and therefore comforted her, and told her all should be well by our sudden Marriage: thus did I appease her, and we soon agreed upon every thing; so that though I was appointed another Chamber, which I pretended to lodge in, yet I lay all night with her. The next morning we arose betime; and mounting our horse, who was now well enough, we soon arrived at London, where for the present we parted. I having thus gained my ends of this woman, having part of her Estate in my possession, and by the enjoyment of her person having the command of the rest, was resolved only to abuse her; strip her of what she had, and so leave her: for I found no such sweetness in my nights lodging with her, but what I might expect from another; having before that tasted woman in the enjoyment of two or three of our Sisters, which passages I omit, and tell this to acquaint you how this woman undid herself by her Covetousness, for had she not distrusted me with her money, I should have married her, but now my minde was otherwise bent.
I received my Goods, and now my stock being much encreased by this fifty pound, and the profit of my bargain; I paid the Seaman, and proceeded in Trading: and though I had little skill in forreign Commodities yet I ventured at all, neither did I want Money, for instead of paying back the fifty pound to my Mistress, I soon after had 100l. more, and yet she could not perswade me to marriage, I still pretending multiplicity of business: at length, all her portion, being 400l. got into my hands, I only paid her with a nights lodging, which now and then we had together; but as to marriage, I still pretended one reason or other to defer it.
I not only proceeded in my Merchandizing, but continued in my preaching at our usual Conventicles, where I was become very famous, and a great disputant; but at length I finding there was little to be gotten by them (and my principle being always to gain what I could) I became now almost weary of them, and willing to leave that Congregation for another that courted me, but I was resolved ere I left them to make some use of them, and get somewhat of them. I thus laid my Plot: I gave a bond to a Confederate for 100l, pretending that I owed so much to him; I gave out, that I would on such a day not only preach to my Congregation, but also Dispute with any opposer on several Articles. The time being come, I had a full Auditory, and performed my Preachment and Disputation to the general satisfaction of all? and then appointed that the next day I would hold forth some other points, that had not as yet been disputed of, inviting all the Congregation, and all others that would come, to meet me in a larger room then that was wherein we exercised at present. Thus having finished my Discourse I dismissed my Auditors; but I was no sooner out of the house, but I was seized on by a bailiff, in Execution for 200l. for my Confederate who had the bond, had brought it to Judgment: I was then accompanied by two or three of my Congregation, who much wondring at the business, desired the Bailiff to have patience, and go into the next House, which we did; and the Case being opened, I confessed the Debt, withal alleadging that I was not at present able to pay it, having lately ventured most of my Estate to Sea. Those of my Congregation hearing this (and being much grieved that their Pastor should be thus snatch’d from them, especially when he had deserved so well) sent for some more of their brethren, who were monied men; and so among them they paid the debt, and I was discharged: but soon after this, I left them, and they were forced to make a Collection or gathering among themselves to reimburse themselves their moneys; and my Mistress, who had been all this while delayed by me with fair words, made her complaints to the brethren, but to no purpose, for she received no redress or satisfaction, I having now quite left them and their faction for another, where by reason of my ability in preaching, I was entertained, and an accord made between me and my quondam Mistress, I only giving her back fifty pound of her four hundred; we being now absolutely parted from one another, she receiving no other satisfaction of me, either for her many nights lodging or money, then fifty pound, which she willingly received, believing me to be a beggar; my new Congregation voluntarily raising that money for me for that purpose.
Thus was I quit of her, and had gained five hundred pound in my pocket, only under the cloak of Religion; and having such success, I in short time discovered my self to be rich, by buying many bargains of good value, paying ready mony, and raised my self to so high a reputation, that I won a widdow of an indifferent fortune to be my wife, and so settled my self in the World.
As for my preaching-trade, I finding that it had already done me as much service as I expected from it, I left it, for I had now a wife and money, and for that end, and to get them, I took it up, and being provided with both, I left it, but especially finding that it grew every day into disesteem, it being about the time of his Majesties happy Return; when instead of a preaching Fanatick; I quickly faced about, and leaving my congregational friends, I enquired out, and procured Cavalier acquaintance, so that I (who a little before the Kings coming home, was used to wear short Hair, and was modest and precise in my habit) had now a large Perriwig, a great Plume of Feathers, and all other accoutrements accordingly, being still diligent on all occasions to associate my self with the Captain and chief Officers of the Trained Bands of our Company, into whose acquaintance and Society I soon insinuated my self, by my Gallantry in my habit, and expences in Taverns being conformable.
Thus did I become a Gentleman, and from a Precisian a Prodigal, nay, an Antick, and every thing, what not? that I might please all: for instead of a Prayer-book, or some other Fanatical piece of divinity, I now carried in my pocket, either Cards or Dice, and so great a love I had to Hocus Pocus, that all their Tools, viz., Box of Counters, Balls, Cups, and other Trinkets which are made use of in that mysterious function, were all my Companions: having learned confidence when I was a Preacher, I was now the better emboldned to stare my Spectators in the face, while I cunningly enough performed my feats of activity; and such a readiness I had, that I was accounted an able proficient. I spent so much time in these fooleries, that I almost lost my self; and now having a wife and family to maintain, I found my Estate so far to decrease, that I was forced to look after my business, and fall to Merchandizing: but having lost a considerable part of my Estate which I had adventured at Sea, I was resolved, as I said, to trust no more to that Element, and not to let my Estate go out of my sight; wherefore I still as shipping came in, went on board, either in the Downs, Portsmouth, or Plymouth, and there buying good bargains, which the Seamen, newly come home would afford for ready Money, I began to prick up again, and have Money at command; I then bought me a small Pinnace or small Pleasure boat; and with that went on board of Ships, bought Goods, and made a shift to stow as much on board privately, that I saved much by the customes and other duties. This Trade I drove a long time, gaining much by stealing Duties; neither did I care what Goods I dealt in, having Customers of all sorts and Trades, who knowing that I drave this Trade, employed me to buy for them, agreeing the prizes before hand: but I was snap’d one time, and all my goods seized for not paying duties, and an Information put into the Exchequer against me: I finding that it would be but a folly to contend there, agreed with the Informer, and he suffered me to cast him; so that I got off for a sum of money, but I gained much experience thereby, so that I then began a new Trade, and would engage many of my Friends to go and buy Goods on board of Ships, and if they got them clear from the Ships-sides it was enough, for I would come immediately in another Boat, as if a stranger, and seize the Goods as forfeited for want of the payment of duties, and so secure them from any other seizure; and if any other person came to seize them, I then pretended it to be my business, having made the first seizure, but if we were not met with by another, then we passed clear without any more trouble: nay, so bold and confident was I grown in this kind of Trade, called Smuckling, that I have had fifty and an hundred pound at a time given me to go over into Holland or France in a Ship which hath brought much prohibited goods, which I have seized so soon as we came near any Port of England, to prevent any other seizure; and then putting an information into the Exchequer, have suffered costs against me, and all hath been clear. I gained not only much money by this means, but also the esteem of a cunning subtile fellow, and was employed in many such affairs, and sometimes in Law-suits.
I remember once I came into Company with a very fair Lady, who having an old cross-grain’d fellow to her Husband, had not only lived from him for some time, but was so foolish as to be married to another person, who was a Gentleman of much worth and merit. The Ladies old Husband (understanding thus much and more out of Covetousness of gaining money, which he believed the Gentleman would on this occasion part from, then any love he bore his Wife) hunted them out from one place to another, and the young Gentleman refusing to comply with the old Knights desires, he was resolved now to prosecute her for Life.
This Story was told me by the Gentleman himself, and the Lady assured me of the truth of the matter, imploring my assistance: Well, Madam, said I, come, be ruled by me, and I will disappoint your old Husband, and you shall laugh at him. Having considered the matter, I ordered her to go next day into the Country, above 100 miles from London, and there to expect me, and obey my further orders, this she did; and I soon following her, and the Assizes beginning the next day, I got a Warrant to apprehend and bring her before the bench, she came, and I charged her with having two Husbands, she denying, and I alledging the matter, she was committed, and an Indictment brought in; but when she was to be try’d, I was not to be found, nor any person else to prosecute her: so that she was quit by proclamation. A Copy of this Process I took out of the Court, and so she and I came to London, to the Gentleman her friend, who gladly welcomed us, and now they live together in spight of the old Knight, who attempting to trouble them, found it in vain, for she could not be tryed for one fact twice.
This feat did I, meerly out of my own apprehension and fancy, and it succeeding according to my wishes, and I had a considerable reward for my pains.