"But now, what Quixote of the age would care
     To wage a war with dirt, and fight with air?"

          I dare defy the venal crew that prates,
          From tailor Place* to fustian Herald Thwaites.{**}

     * The woolly editor of the Breeches Makers', alias the
     "Westminster Review."

     ** The thing who writes the leaden (leading) articles for
     the Morning Herald.

     "Who pin their easy faith on critic's sleeve,
     And, knowing nothing, ev'ry thing believe?"

     "If e'er her labours weaken to refine
     The generous roughness of a nervous line."

CONTENTS.                                                         Page
     INTRODUCTION                                                    3

     PREFACE, IN IMITATION OF THE FIRST SATIRE OF
     PERSIUS                                                         5

     REFLECTIONS, ADDRESSED TO THOSE WHO CAN
     THINK.

     Reflections of an Author—Weighty Reasons for writing—
     Magister Artis Ingeniique Largitor Venter—Choice of Subject
     considered—Advice of Index, the Bookseller—Of the Nature
     of Prefaces—How to commence a new Work                         7

     A FEW THOUGHTS ON MYSELF                                       14

     A SHANDEAN SCENE, BETWEEN LADY MARY OLD—
     STYLE AND HORATIO HEARTLY                                      17

     SCHOOL—BOY REMINISCENCES. ON EARLY FRIEND—
     SHIP                                                           22

     CHARACTER OF BERNARD BLACKMANTLE. BY
     HORATIO HEARTLY                                                25

     ETON SKETCHES OF CHARACTER                                     32

     THE FIVE PRINCIPAL ORDERS OF ETON—DOCTOR,
     DAME, COLLEGER, OPPIDAN, AND CAD.       A
     Sketch taken opposite the Long Walk                            42

     ETON DAMES; AN ODE, NEITHER AMATORY, ILL—
     NATURED, NOR PATHETIC                                          43

     ELECTION SATURDAY.
     A Peep at the Long Chambers—The Banquet—Reflections
     on parting—Arrival of the Provost of King's College, Cam—
     bridge, and the Pozers—The Captain's Oration—Busy Monday
     —The Oppidan's Farewell—Examination and Election of the
     Collegers who stand for King's—The aquatic Gala and Fire—
     works—Oxonian Visitors—Night—Rambles in Eton—Transfor-
     mations of Signs and Names—The Feast at the Christopher,
     with a View of the Oppidan's Museum, and Eton Court of
     Claims                                                         58

     AN ETON ELECTION SCENE                                         59

     HERBERT STOCKHORE, THE MONTEM POET
     LAUREATE.

     A Sketch from the Life, as he appeared in the Montem
     Procession of May, 1823. By Bernard Blackmantle and
     Robert Transit                                                 67

     LIFE IN ETON;  A College Chaunt in praise of private
     Tutors                                                         68

     RECOLLECTIONS OF AN OLD ETONIAN                                78

     ETON MONTEM                                                    96

     FAREWELL TO ETON                                              105

     MY VALE                                                       108

     THE FRESHMAN.
     Reflections on leaving Eton University—A Whip—Sketches
     on the Road—The Joneses of Jesus—Picturesque Appearance
     of Oxford from the Distance—The Arrival—Welcome of an
     Old Etonian—Visit to Dr. Dingyman—A University Don—
     Presentation to the Big Wig—Ceremony of Matriculation        113

     CHRIST CHURCH COLLEGE.
     Architectural Reminiscences—Descriptive Remarks—Simi-
     litude between the Characters of Cardinal Wolsey and
     Napoleon                                                      129

     THE DINNER PARTY.
     Bernard Blackmantle's Visit to Tom Echo—Oxford Phrase-
     ology—Smuggled Dinners—A College Party described—
     Topography of a Man's Room—Portrait of a Bachelor of Arts
     —Hints to Freshmen—Customs of the University                 132

     COLLEGE SERVANTS.
     Descriptive Sketch of a College Scout—Biography of Mark
     Supple—Singular Invitation to a Spread                       146

     TAKING POSSESSION OF YOUR ROOMS.
     Topography of a vacant College Larium—Anecdotes and
     Propensities of Predecessors—A Long Shot—Scout's List of
     Necessaries—Condolence of University Friends                 151

     THE EXCURSION TO BAGLEY WOOD                                  157

     WESTERN ENTRANCE INTO THE METROPOLIS.
     A descriptive Sketch.
     General Views of the Author relative to Subject and Style
     —Time and Place—Perspective Glimpse of the great City—
     The Approach—Cockney Salutations—The Toll House—
     Western Entrance to Cockney Land—Hyde Park—Sunday
     Noon-Sketches of Character, Costume, and Scenery—The
     Ride and Drive—Kensington Gardens—Belles and Beaux-
     Stars and fallen Stars—Singularities of 1824-Tales of Ton-
     On Dits and Anecdotes—Sunday Evening—High Life and
     Low Life, the Contrast—Cockney Goths—Notes, Biographical,
     Amorous, and Exquisite                                        164

     THE OPERA.
     The Man of Fashion—Fop's Alley—Modern Roué and
     Frequenters—Characteristic Sketches in High Life—Blue
     Stocking Illuminati—Motives and Manners—Meeting with
     the Honourable Lillyman Lionise—Dinner at Long's—Visit
     to the Opera—Joined by Bob Transit—A Peep into the
     Green Room—Secrets behind the Curtain—Noble Amateurs
     and Foreign Curiosities—Notes and Anecdotes by Horatio
     Heartly                                                       198

     THE ROYAL SALOON.
     Visit of Heartly, Lionise, and Transit—Description of the
     Place—Sketches of Character—The Gambling Parsons—Horse
     Chaunting, a true Anecdote—Bang and her Friends—Moll
     Raffle and the Marquis W.—he Play Man—The Touter—
     The Half-pay Officer—Charles Rattle, Esq.—Life of a modern
     Roue—B——— the Tailor—The Subject—Jarvey and Brooks
     the Dissector—"Kill him when you want him"                   205

     THE SPREAD, OR WINE PARTY AT BRAZEN-NOSE.
     A College Wine Party described—Singular Whim of
     Horace Eglantine—Meeting of the Oxford Crackademonians
     —Sketches of Eccentric Characters, drawn from the Life—
     The Doctor's Daughter—an old Song—A Round of Sculls—
     Epitaphs on the Living and the Dead—Tom Tick, a College
     Tale—The Voyagers—Notes and Anecdotes                       221

     THE OXFORD RAKE'S PROGRESS                                    233

     TOWN AND GOWN, AN OXFORD ROW.

     Battle of the Togati and the Town—Raff—A Night—Scene in
     the High-Street, Oxford—Description of the Combatants—
     Attack of the Gownsmen upon the Mitre—Evolutions of the
     Assailants—Manoeuvres of the Proctors and Bull—Dogs—
     Perilous Condition of Blackmantle and his Associates, Eglan-
     tine, Echo, and Transit—Snug Retreat of Lionise—The High—
     Street after the Battle—Origin of the Argotiers, and Inven-
     tion of Cant—phrases—History of the Intestine Wars and
     Civil Broils of Oxford, from the Time of Alfred—Origin
     of the late Strife—Ancient Ballad—Retreat of the Togati—
     Reflections of a Freshman—Black Matins, or the Effect of
     late Drinking upon early Risers—Visit to Golgotha, or the
     Place of Sculls—Lecture from the Big—Wigs—Tom Echo
     receives Sentence of Rustication                              246

     TOWNE AND GOWNE                                               263

     THE STAGE COACH, OR THE TRIP TO BRIGHTON.
     Improvements in Travelling—Contrast of ancient and
     modern Conveyances and Coachmen—Project for a new Land
     Steam Carriage—The Inn—yard at the Golden Cross, Charing
     Cross—Mistakes of Passengers—Variety of Characters—Ad-
     vantages of the Box—seat—Obstructions on the Road—A
     Pull—up at the Elephant and Castle—Move on to Kennington
     Common—New Churches—Civic Villas at Brixton—Modern
     Taste in Architecture described—Arrival at Croydon; why
     not now the King's Road?—The Joliffe Hounds—A Hunting
     Leader—Anecdotes of the Horse, by Coachee—The new
     Tunnel at Reigate—The Baron's Chamber—The Golden Ball
     —the Silver Ball—and the Golden Calf—Entrance into
     Brighton                                                      274

     THE PROPOSITION.
     Family Secrets—Female Tactics—How to carry the Point        287

     SKETCHES AT BRIGHTON.
     The Pavilion Party—Interior described—Royal and Noble
     Anecdotes—The King and Mathews                               292

     CHARACTERS ON THE BEACH AND STEYNE,
     BRIGHTON.
     On Bathing and Bathers—Advantages of Shampooing—
     French Decency—Brighton Politeness—Sketches of Character
     —The Banker's Widow—Miss J——s—Mrs. F——1—Peter
     Paragraph, he London Correspondent—J—k S——h—The
     French Consul—Paphian Divinities—C—— L——,  Esq.
     Squeeze into the Libraries—The new Plunging Bath—
     Chain Pier—Cockney Comicalities—Royal Gardens—The
     Club House                                                    305

     METROPOLITAN SKETCHES.
     Heartly, Echo, and Transit start for a Spree—Scenes by
     Daylight, Starlight, and Gaslight—Black Monday at Tatter—
     sail's—The first Meeting after the Great St. Leger—Heroes of
     the Turf paying and receiving—Dinner at Fishmongers' Hall
     —Committee of Greeks—The Affair of the Cogged Dice—A
     Regular Break—down—Rules for the New Club—The Daffy
     Club, or a Musical Muster of the Fancy: striking Portraits—
     Counting the Stars—Covent Garden, what it was and what it
     is—The Finish—Anecdotes of Characters—The Hall of Infamy,
     alias the Covent Garden Hell                                  327

     VISIT TO WESTMINSTER HALL.
     Worthies thereof—Legal Sketches of the Long Robe—An
     Awkward Recognition—Visit to Banco Regis—Surrey Col—
     legians giving a Lift to a Limb of the Law—Out of Rule and in
     Rule—"Thus far shalt thou go, and no further"—Park
     Rangers personified—Visit to the Life Academy, Somerset
     House—R. A—ys of Genius reflecting on the true Line of
     Beauty—Peep into the Green Rooms of the two Theatres Royal,
     Drury Lane and Covent Garden—Bernard Blackmantle
     reading his new Play and Farce—The City Ball at the Mansion
     House—The Squeeze—Civic Characters—Return to Oxford—
     Invite to Cambridge—Jemmy Gordon's Frolic—Term ends         355