The Little French Lawyer: A Comedy

Lam. Now stand constant,
For now our tryal's come.

Cler. This beautie's mine,
Your minute moves not yet.

Lam. She sinks if Christian,
If any spark of noble heat.—

Cler. Rise Lady
And fearless rise, there's no dishonour meant you,
Do you know my tongue?

Ana. I have heard it.

Cler. Mark it better,
I am one that loves you, fairly, nobly loves you,
Look on my face?

Ana. O Sir?

Cler. No more words, softly
Hark, but hark wisely how, understand well,
Suspect not, fear not.

Ana. You have brought me comfort.

Cler. If you think me worthy of your husband,
I am no rogue nor Begger, if you dare do thus—

Ana. You are Monsieur Cleremont.

Cler. I am the same,
If you dare venture, speak, if not I leave you,
And leave you to the mercy of these villains
That will not wooe ye much.

Ana. Save my reputation,
And free me from these slaves.

Cler. By this kiss I'le do it,
And from the least dishonour they dare aim at you,
I have a Priest too, shall be ready.

Ana. You are forward.

Lam. Is this my constant cousin? how she whispers,
Kisses and huggs the thief!

Ana. You'l offer nothing.

Cler. Till all be tyed,
Not as I am a Gentleman.

Ana. Can you relieve my Aunt too?

Cler. Not yet Mistris,
But fear nothing, all shall be well, away quickly
It must be done i'th' moment or—

Ana. I am with ye.

Cler. I'le know now who sleeps by me, keep your standing.
[Ex. Cler. and Anabel.

Lam. Well, go thy way, and thine own shame dwell with thee.
Is this the constancy she shew'd, the bravery?
The dear love and the life she ow'd her kinsmen?
O brave tongue, valiant glorious woman!
Is this the noble anger you arriv'd at?
Are these the thieves you scorn'd, the rogues you rail'd at?
The scabs and scums of nature? O fair modesty,
Excellent vertue, whither art thou fled?
What hand O Heaven is over us, when strong virgins
Yield to their fears, and to their fears their fortunes?
Never belief come near me more, farewel wench,
A long farewel from all that ever knew thee:
My turn is next,
I am resolv'd, it comes
But in a nobler shape, ha?

Din. Blesse ye Lady.

Lam. Indeed Sir, I had need of many blessings,
For all the hours I have had since I came here,
Have been so many curses. How got you liberty?
For I presume you come to comfort me.

Din. To comfort you, and love you, 'tis most true,
My bondage was as yours, as full of bitterness
And every hour my death.

Lam. Heaven was your comfort.

Din. Till the last evening, sitting full of sadness,
Wailing, sweet Mistris, your unhappy fortunes,
(Mine own I had the least care of) round about me
The Captain and the company stood gaping,
When I began the story of my love
To you fair Saint, and with so full a sorrow,
Follow'd each point, that even from those rude eyes,
That never knew what pity meant or mercy,
There stole down soft relentings: take heed Mistris,
And let not such unholy hearts outdo you,
The soft plum'd god will see again; thus taken,
As men transform'd with the strange tale I told,
They stood amaz'd, then bid me rise and live,
Take liberty and means to see your person,
And wisht me prosperous in your love, wish you so,
Be wise and loving Lady, shew but you so.

Lam. O Sir, are these fit hours to talk of love in?
Shall we make fools of our afflictions?
Can any thing sound sweetly in mine ears,
Where all the noise of bloody horrour is?
My Brother, and my Cousin, they are dead Sir,
Dead, basely dead, is this an age to fool in?
And I my self, I know not what I shall be,
Yet I must thank you, and if happily
You had ask'd me yesterday, when these were living,
And my fears less, I might have hearkned to you.

Din. Peace to your grief, I bind you to your word.

Lam. How? do you conjure?

Din. Not to raise dreadfull apparitions, Madam,
But such as you would gladly see.

Lam. My Brother, and nephew living?

Beau. And both owe their lives
To the favour of these Gentlemen.

Verd. Who deserve
Our service, and for us, your gracious thanks.

Lam. Which I give freely, and become a suitor,
To be hereafter more familiar [Kisse.
With such great worth and vertue.

1 Gent. Ever think us
Your servants, Madam.

Cler. Why if thou wilt needs know
How we are freed, I will discover it,
And with laconick brevity: these Gentlemen
This night incountring with those outlaws that
Yesterday made us prisoners, and as we were
Attempted by 'em they with greater courage,
(I am sure with better fortune) not alone,
Guarded themselves, but forc'd the bloody thieves,
Being got between them, and this hellish Cave,
For safety of their lives, to fly up higher
Into the woods, all left to their possession,
This sav'd your Brother, and your nephew from
The gibbet, this redeem'd me from my Chains,
And gave my friend his liberty, this preserv'd
Your honour ready to be lost.

Din. But that
I know this for a ly, and that the thieves
And gentlemen, are the same men, by my practice
Suborn'd to this, he does deliver it
With such a constant brow, that I am doubtfull,
I should believe him too.

1 Gent. If we did well,
We are rewarded.

2 Gent. Thanks but takes away
From what was freely purpos'd.

Cler. Now by this hand,
You have so cunningly discharg'd your parts,
That while we live, rest confident you shall
Command Dinant and Cleremont; nor Beaupre,
Nor Verdone scents it: for the Ladies, they
Were easie to be gull'd.

1 Gent. 'Twas but a jest,
And yet the jest may chance to break our necks
Should it be known.

Cler. Fear nothing.

Din. Cleremont,
Say, what success?

Cler. As thou wouldst wish, 'tis done Lad,
The grove will witness with me, that this night
I lay not like a block: but how speed you?

Din. I yet am in suspence, devise some means
To get these off, and speedily.

Cler. I have it,
Come, we are dull, I think that the good fellows,
Our predecessors in this place, were not
So foolish, and improvident husbands, but
'Twill yield us meat and wine.

1 Gent. Let's ransack it,
'Tis ours now by the Law.

Cler. How say you sweet one,
Have you an appetite?

Ana. To walk again
I'th' Woods, if you think fit, rather than eat.

Cler. A little respite prethee; nay blush not,
You ask but what's your own, and warrantable:
Monsieur, Beaupre, Verdone,
What think you of the motion?

Verd. Lead the way.

Beau. We follow willingly. [Ex. Man. Din. and Lam.

Cler. When you shall think fit,
We will expect you.

Din. Now be mistris of
Your promise Lady.

Lam. 'Twas to give you hearing.

Din. But that word hearing, did include a grant,
And you must make it good.

Lam. Must?

Din. Must and shall,
I will be fool'd no more, you had your tricks;
Made properties of me, and of my friend;
Presum'd upon your power, and whip'd me with
The rod of mine own dotage: do not flatter
Your self with hope, that any humane help
Can free you, and for aid by miracle
A base unthankfull woman is unworthy.

Lam. You will not force me?

Din. Rather than enjoy you
With your consent, because I will torment you;
I'le make you feel the effects of abus'd love,
And glory in your torture.

Lam. Brother, Nephew,
Help, help, for Heavens sake.

Din. Tear your throat, cry louder,
Though every leaf, these trees bear, were an Echo,
And summon'd in your best friends to redeem you,
It should be fruitless: 'tis not that I love you,
Or value those delights you prize so high,
That I'le enjoy you, a French crown will buy
More sport, and a companion, to whom,
You in your best trim are an Ethiop.

Lam. Forbear me then.

Din. Not so, I'le do't in spite,
And break that stubborn disobedient will,
That hath so long held out, that boasted honour
I will make equal with a common Whores;
The spring of Chastity, that fed your pride,
And grew into a River of vain glory,
I will defile with mudd, the mudd of lust,
And make it loathsome even to goats.

Lam. O Heaven!
No pity Sir?

Din. You taught me to be cruel,
And dare you think of mercy? I'le tell thee fool,
Those that surpriz'd thee, were my instruments,
I can plot too good Madam, you shall find it:
And in the stead of licking of my fingers,
Kneeling and whining like a boy new breech'd,
To get a toy forsooth, not worth an apple,
Thus make my way, and with Authority
Command what I would have.

Lam. I am lost for ever:
Good Sir, I do confess my fault, my gross fault,
And yield my self up, miserable guilty;
Thus kneeling I confess, you cannot study
Sufficient punishments to load me with;
I am in your power, and I confess again,
You cannot be too cruel: if there be,
Besides the loss of my long guarded honour,
Any thing else to make the ballance even,
Pray put it in, all hopes, all helpes have left me;
I am girt round with sorrow, hell's about me,
And ravishment the least that I can look for,
Do what you please.

Din. Indeed I will do nothing,
Nor touch nor hurt you Lady, nor had ever
Such a lewd purpose.

Lam. Can there be such goodness,
And in a man so injur'd?

Din. Be confirm'd in't.
I seal it thus: I must confess you vex'd me,
In fooling me so often, and those fears
You threw upon me call'd for a requital,
Which now I have return'd, all unchast love
Dinant thus throws away; live to man-kind,
As you have done to me, and I will honour
Your vertue, and no more think of your beauty.

Lam. All I possess, comes short of satisfaction.

Din. No complements: the terrours of this night
Imagine but a fearfull dream, and so
With ease forget it: for Dinant, that labour'd
To blast your honour, is a Champion for it,
And will protect and guard it.

Lam. 'Tis as safe then,
As if a compleat Army undertook it. [Exeunt.

La-writ. Do not perswade me gentle Monsieur Sampson,
I am a mortal man again, a Lawyer,
My martiall part I have put off.

Sam. Sweet Monsieur,
Let but our honours teach us.

La-writ. Monsieur Sampson,
My honourable friend, my valiant friend,
Be but so beaten, forward my brave Clients,
I am yours, and you are mine again, be but so thrasht,
Receive that Castigation with a cudgel.

Sam. Which calls upon us for a Reparation.

La-writ. I have, it cost me half a crown, I bear it
All over me, I bear it Monsieur Sampson;
The oyls, and the old woman that repairs to me,
To 'noint my beaten body.

Sam. It concerns you,
You have been swing'd.

La-writ. Let it concern thee too;
Goe and be beaten, speak scurvy words, as I did,
Speak to that Lion Lord, waken his anger,
And have a hundred Bastinado's, doe;
Three broken pates, thy teeth knockt out, do Sampson,
Thy valiant arms and leggs beaten to Poultesses,
Do silly Sampson, do.

1 Cly. You wrong the Gentleman,
To put him out of his right mind thus:
You wrong us, and our Causes.

La-writ. Down with him Gentlemen,
Turn him, and beat him, if he break our peace,
Then when thou hast been Lam'd, thy small guts perisht,
Then talk to me, before I scorn thy counsel,
Feel what I feel, and let my Lord repair thee.

Sam. And can the brave La-writ—

2 Cly. Tempt him no further,
Be warn'd and say no more.

La-writ. If thou doest, Sampson,
Thou seest my Mirmidons, I'le let 'em loose,
That in a moment—

Sam. I say nothing, Sir, but I could wish—

La-writ. They shall destroy thee wishing;
There's ne'r a man of these, but have lost ten causes,
Dearer then ten mens lives; tempt, and thou diest:
Goe home, and smile upon my Lord, thine Uncle,
Take Mony of the men thou mean'st to Cousin,
Drink Wine, and eat good meat, and live discreetly,
Talk little, 'tis an antidote against a beating;
Keep thy hand from thy sword, and from thy Laundress placket,
And thou wilt live long.

1 Cly. Give ear, and be instructed.

La-writ. I find I am wiser than a Justice of Peace now,
Give me the wisdom that's beaten into a man
That sticks still by him: art thou a new man?

Sam. Yes, yes,
Thy learned precepts have inchanted me.

La-writ. Goe my son Sampson, I have now begot thee,
I'le send thee causes; speak to thy Lord, and live,
And lay my share by, goe and live in peace,
Put on new suits, and shew fit for thy place;
That man neglects his living, is an Asse: [Exit Samp.
Farewel; come chearily boyes, about our business,
Now welcom tongue again, hang Swords.

1 Cly. Sweet Advocate. [Exeunt.

Nur. I know not wench, they may call 'em what they will,
Outlawes, or thieves, but I am sure, to me
One was an honest man, he us'd me well,
What I did, 'tis no matter, he complain'd not.

Char. I must confess, there was one bold with me too,
Some coy thing would say rude, but 'tis no matter,
I was to pay a Waiting womans ransom,
And I have don't, and I would pay't again,
Were I ta'n to morrow.

Nur. Alas, there was no hurt,
If 't be a sin for such as live at hard meat,
And keep a long Lent, in the woods as they do,
To taste a little flesh.

Char. God help the Courtiers,
That lye at rack and manger.

Nur. I shall love
A thief the better for this while I live,
They are men of a charitable vocation,
And give where there is need, and with discretion,
And put a good speed penny in my purse,
That has been empty twenty years.

Char. Peace Nurse,
Farewel, and cry not rost meat, me thinks Cleremont
And my Lady Anabel are in one night,
Familiarly acquainted.

Nur. I observe it,
If she have got a penny too.

Charl. No more,
My Lord Monsieur Vertaigne, the provost too,
Haste and acquaint my Lady. [Ex. Nur. and Char.

Pro. Wonderous strange.

Vert. 'Tis true Sir, on my credit.

Cham. O mine honour.

Pro. I have been provost-Marshal twenty years,
And have trussed up a thousand of these rascals,
But so near Paris yet I never met with
One of that Brotherhood.

Cham. We to our cost have,
But will you search the wood?

Pro. It is beset,
They cannot scape us, nothing makes me wonder,
So much as having you within their power
They let you goe; it was a Courtesy,
That French thieves use not often, I much pity
The Gentle Ladies, yet I know not how,
I rather hope than fear.

Are these the prisoners?

Din. We were such.

Verd. Kill me not, excess of joy.

Cham. I see thou livest, but hast thou had no foul play?

Lam. No on my soul, my usage hath been noble,
Far from all violence.

Cham. How were you freed?
But kiss me first, we'l talk of that at leasure,
I am glad I have thee; Niece how you keep off,
As you knew me not?

Ana. Sir, I am where
I owe most duty.

Cler. 'Tis indeed most true Sir,
The man that should have been your bedfellow
Your Lordships bedfellow, that could not smell out
A Virgin of sixteen, that was your fool,
To make you merry, this poor simple fellow
Has met the maid again, and now she knows
He is a man.

Cham. How! is she dishonoured?

Cler. Not unless marriage be dishonourable,
Heaven is a witness of our happy contract,
And the next Priest we meet shall warrant it
To all the world: I lay with her in jeast,
'Tis turn'd to earnest now.

Cham. Is this true, Niece?

Din. Her blushing silence grants it; nay Sir storm not,
He is my friend, and I can make this good,
His birth and fortunes equal hers, your Lordship
Might have sought out a worse, we are all friends too,
All differences end thus. Now Sir, unless
You would raise new dissentions, make perfect
What is so well begun.

Vert. That were not manly.

Lam. Let me perswade you.

Cham. Well God give you joy,
She shall not come a Begger to you Sir.
For you Monsieur Dinant 'ere long I'le shew you
Another Niece, to this not much inferiour,
As you shall like proceed.

Din. I thank you Sir.

Cham. Back then to Paris: well that travel ends
That makes of deadly enemies perfect friends.
[Exeunt omnes.

Prologue.

Epilogue.

APPENDIX

p. 373, ll. 3-40. Not in 1st folio.

p. 374, l. 2. 2nd folio misprints] aud.
l. 25. 2nd folio misprints] Frcenh.
l. 27. And banisht.
l. 35. Will you? and yet—.
l. 37. Mistris, feathers.

p. 375, l. 30. godly.

p. 378, l. 8. Epithalamin.
l. 21. for 'twill be.

p. 379, l. 15. Upon a.
l. 23. tempest.
l. 39. Omits and.

p. 382, l. 22. 2nd folio misprints] by.
l. 33. Transfers to to beginning of next line.

p. 383, l. 16. 2nd folio] their.
l. 36. parts.

p. 384, l. 2. 2nd folio] beween.

p. 385, l. 25. On my.

p. 386, l. 8. make rise.

p. 387, l. 36. Those dedicates.

p. 388, l. 30. Lewis eleventh.

p. 389, l. 3. you persev'd.
l. 19. danger or.
l. 33. A comma has been inserted at the end of the line.

p. 390, l. 4. honours.
l. 5. suffer.
l. 9. loose.

p. 391, l. 8. to this.

p. 392, l. 1. up you.
l. 3. 2nd folio misprints] pecies.
l. 17. If you.

p. 394, l. 33. 2nd folio] Avocate.

p. 396, l. 14. Beau, instead of Cler.
l. 20. what a.

p. 397, l. 18. Omits stage direction.
l. 36. loose.

p. 398, l. 5. What master.
l. 27. Cock a two.
l. 37. makes all this plaine.

p. 399, l. 3. 2nd folio misprints] Bur.
l. 19. 2nd folio] thow.
l. 34. Omits singing in stage direction.

p. 400, l. 16. my whole.

p. 401, l. 13. Declare that.
l. 27. And hunny out your.
l. 31. 2nd folio misprints] my.

p. 404, l. 17. 2nd folio misprints] imfamie.

p. 405, l. 39. Omits not.

p. 406, l. 7. In our.

p. 409, l. 27. going lesse.

p. 411, l. 9. ye did.
l. 29. Pray.
l. 36. Omits do.

p. 412, l. 1. any corner.
l. 5. the louer.
l. 35. laughters.

p. 413, l. 10. y'are? Gentleman.
l. 15. hate.
l. 17. for my.
l. 22. and carriage ... calls.
l. 35. your.

p. 414, l. 24. Hee is.

p. 415, l. 4. will make.
l. 12. Why, to it.
l. 21. wake.
l. 38. Slaves feed.

p. 416, l. 19. 'ore.
l. 28. a meane.

p. 417, l. 6. Adds stage direction] Wine.
l. 8. doe but kisse.
l. 11. Will you.
l. 28. Adds stage direction] Recorders.

p. 418, l. 37. thou knowest.

p. 419, l. 4. quarter.
l. 12. Madman, a fool ... shew thee man.
l. 14. No I'le.
l. 32. no flame.

p. 420, l. 40. point you.

p. 424, l. 16. 2nd folio misprints] dies.

p. 425, l. 29. 2nd folio misprints] Cler.

p. 427, l. 5. Adds stage direction] Put off.

p. 428, l. 32. Firsts, seconds, thirds.

p. 429, l. 1. p—— on't.
l. 27. still devising.

p. 431, l. 19. Gives this line to Lam.
l. 22. Adds as though a stage direction] Now.
l. 31. Reads My legs in my good house, my Armour on.

p. 432, l. 12. yet are, if men.

p. 435, l. 12. Reads] La-wr. Bee't then. | Mens fates, etc.
ll. 15 and 16. Gives these two lines to Sam.
l. 18. 2nd folio] Vertagine.
l. 23. Strike.
l. 25. Gives No, no, ... not to Verta.

p. 439, l. 11. Corvina.
l. 34. loose.

p. 440, l. 1. Quinti.
l. 3. the Chamber doore.

p. 441, l. 16. 2nd folio] vills.

p. 444, l. 27. hand of heaven.

p. 445, l. 24. Omits is.

p. 448, l. 4. Omits Din. by mistake and prints enjury for enjoy.

p. 449, l. 35. My mortall.

p. 450, l. 36. mine Uncle.

Transcriber's Notes

Variations in abbreviated names, hyphenations, contractions, and punctuation have been retained.

Pages 421, 454: Individual braces on multiple lines represent one large brace encompassing those lines.