The Log of the Ark, by Noah; Hieroglypics by Ham

WEDNESDAY, b.c. 2349. Course—to Ararat. Weather—clear and rain. Wind—starting to blow. Sea—calm. Ship’s Run—1 league.

Remarks:
 Weighed anchor: 2240 pounds.—My rheumatism hurt. I just knew it would rain.—A large crowd came down to see us off. Received delegation of S. P. C. A. They presented me with a gold-handled umbrella.—Someone sent the women folks a bunch of American beauties.—Many of my neighbours say I am crazy.—It began to rain—crowd dispersed.—There is a lot of hubbub in getting an Ark off.—Half an hour late in starting. Ham doesn’t understand some of the levers.—Ship’s band played the national anthems as we sailed away.—Sent sailing lists to all my friends. Gave them to the pilot to mail.—Dropped pilot at 7.30 p.m. I was sorry to see him go.—Cargo all well and quiet.—I wonder if I will be seasick?

THURSDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—higher. Sea—still calm. Ship’s Run—2.

Remarks:
 Rained all last night and today. I didn’t sleep well. Mrs. Noah insists upon having the lower berth. I had to climb up top. If I fall and break my neck it will be serious.—Spent morning in smoking-room reading steamer letters. Several magazines offer half a shekel a word for my story. Some vaudeville manager wants me to go on the stage if I get away with the trip. The University of Bagdad ask me to will them my brains.—Mrs. Japheth forgot one of her steamer trunks, and wants us to go back.—Ham says he thinks he knows which levers will stop the Ark.—All well on board.

FRIDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—same as yesterday. Sea—very calm. Ship’s Run—1½. Wireless Report; Mountain resorts doing good business. Hotels all crowded.

Remarks:
 We ran aground this morning. Mrs. Noah and the girls were badly frightened. I signalled for a tug which pulled us off. The captain wanted to know about the salvage. I told him to see the owners or the insurance company. Doubt if he ever will be paid.—I can’t sleep very well. The bunk is too narrow. I don’t like steamer bunks any more than I do a Pullman.—Mrs. Noah complains of the motion of the ship. I haven’t felt it, but the throbbing of the engines is annoying.—Didn’t eat much today.—Cargo still quiet. I’m a little worried about the two caterpillars. What if they are not mates?

SATURDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—shifted. Sea—same as yesterday. Ship’s Run—2. Wireless Report—C. Q. D. Antioch.

Remarks:
 The rooster woke me up this morning.—Oldest inhabitants can’t remember when it has rained so hard.—There’s not much fun standing on the bridge for four hours at a time. I thought all the captain of an Ark had to do was talk to the ladies. There’s some responsibility connected with a vessel of this size, and such a mixed cargo. It might have a serious effect on posterity should we be wrecked.—All indications point to unusually high water. We passed several mountains today. Mountains do look strange without their valleys.—I’m learning to read the charts.—Japheth complains that the triceratops prorus, the iguanodon bernissartensis, and the dinosaurs are not eating. We’re always having trouble with those what-you-may-call-its.—Mrs. Noah says the Ark is beginning to smell like a barn. I can’t help that.—Took my bath.

SUNDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—higher. Sea—higher. Ship’s Run—1. Wireless Report—Ephesus C. Q. D.’d. So did Tyre.

Remarks:
 I never saw such a rain. It simply poured all day.—No ministers aboard so I had to conduct the services in the saloon this morning. Took as my text—Genesis 7:7. Mrs. Shem played the harpsichord. No collection.—Sea just a little rougher this afternoon.—Have had a time keeping Ham in the engine room. He’s lazy. He would rather fish than work. Ham’s wife always sides with him. I’m afraid I’ll have trouble with her.—Hope we don’t run into any of those waterspouts I’ve read about.—Cargo still quiet. Hope none of those submarines attack us.

MONDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—N. E. Sea—a bit choppy. Ship’s Run—½. Wireless Report—S. O. S. Chaldea.

Remarks:
 Women folks kicked to beat the band. It was too wet to hang out the wash. I told them to bring enough lingerie to last forty days. I always thought women’s clothes were too complicated anyway.—Made an inspection of the staterooms. Everything O. K. and sanitary. Some of the animals are a little crowded, but I can’t help that when each mammoth takes two staterooms.—The Shetland ponies need exercise, but it keeps on raining.—Mrs. Noah is still complaining. She can’t stand the motion of the ship, and now she says the thought of the French poodles being bunked with the rhino is horrible.—Real estate getting scarce.—Had the auto tires thrown overboard. I couldn’t see any use for them.

TUESDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—same. Sea—choppier. Ship’s Run—same. Wireless Report—Record high water in Babylon. Stores flooded. Boats in streets.

Remarks:
 That bunk of mine is made of concrete.—I’m a little shaky today. Appetite all gone. Meals don’t taste good. Felt better on deck. I’ve never been seasick in my life. I wonder if this is it?—I’ll be all right tomorrow.

WEDNESDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—stronger. Sea—pretty rough. Ship’s Run—¼. Wireless Report—C. Q. D. Bagdad.

Remarks:
 Rain and a little rougher. Never had such strange sensations. I excused myself from the dinner table. I don’t think it’s the motion of the boat, but the smell of the cooking and the vibration. I like to keep perfectly quiet in my steamer chair and have plenty of air.—Mrs. Japheth brought me a sardine sandwich this afternoon. That was sinful.—Only stuck my head in the dining-room door at supper time. I’d like to be on dry land just now. Mrs. Noah is a nuisance. She wants to know what she can do for me. Why can’t people let me alone in these critical times? Wonder if I am seasick?—I’ll be all right tomorrow.

THURSDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—stronger. Sea—nauseating. Ship’s Run—¼. Wireless Report—Work stopped on tower of Babel.

Remarks:
 Rougher and more rain.—Tried to get up this morning but gave it up. Every time the Ark pitches I feel so uncomfortable. Nothing I eat stays et. Mrs. Noah and the girls brought hot lemonade and gruel into my cabin. It only takes the thought of such things to make my sensations worse. I don’t see why they had to fry onions today.—The second officer came in tonight and said it was my watch. I told him the Ark could get along without my watch. He said we might founder if the bridge was empty. I told him I didn’t care if we did.—Mrs. Ham says there is no such a thing as seasickness. She claims it’s a state of mind. Why can’t people let me alone?—I’ll be all right tomorrow.

FRIDAY. Course— Weather— Wind— Sea— Ship’s Run— Wireless Report—

Remarks:
 ————!

SATURDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—abating. Sea—steadier. Ship’s Run—I forgot to look. Wireless Report—S. O. S. Troy.

Remarks:
 Am writing this in bed. Guess it rained yesterday. Oh! it was awful! I must have been seasick. How I wanted the old ship to sink! My system never went back on me like that—Oh! it was frightful—horrible! I felt as though I were going down in one of those new-fangled elevators. And then, these people kept bothering me. I wanted to die alone. I told the family where they could find the will.—Japheth said I should eat some finnan haddy. That was a deliberate attempt on my life. Mrs. Shem made me suck a lemon, and take a bottle of sure-cure seasick medicine. I nearly died after that. Mrs. Noah kept stroking my head, and asking what I wanted to eat. Ham brought me a bottle of cod liver oil. I wanted to smite him, but I had not the strength. The only comfort I had was Shem. I heard him say, “Why don’t you people get out, and let the old man alone?” That was so kind.—I hope I’ll be all right tomorrow.—Postponed my bath.

SUNDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—same. Sea—calmer. Ship’s Run—same as yesterday. Wireless Report—C. Q. D. Phœnicia.

Remarks:
 Still raining. Postponed church until next Sunday.—I went up on deck for awhile. Still feel a little wabbly. The officers accused me of being seasick. I was not. Something I ate didn’t agree with me.—I miss the Sunday newspapers.—The male elephant was down with a bad tuskache this afternoon. Tried to pull it but I was too weak.

MONDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—no wind. Sea—all right again. Ship’s Run—3. Wireless Report—Peach and potato crops ruined.

Remarks:
 Rained harder than usual.—The elephant’s tusk was much better this morning.—There’s a funny piece of mechanism on the bridge. It has N. S. E. W. printed on it. Shem and Ham say it’s a game. They spin a needle and guess where it will stop. Shem always puts his money on the letter N and wins. They wouldn’t let me play the N. I believe Shem is a capper.—This weather looks like a real flood.—I feel a little better today.

TUESDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—none. Sea—none. Ship’s Run—3. Wireless Report—C. Q. D. Mesopotamia.

Remarks:
 Mrs. Noah is again complaining. She says the weather takes the waves out of her marcels. I suppose on the forty-first day she will find fault with the sunshine.—The camels took a drink four days ago, and haven’t touched a drop since.—Shem and Ham let me play the N today. I lost two more shekels. I think that machine is possessed.—According to the almanac we should be having fine weather.

WEDNESDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—moderate. Sea—reposed. Ship’s Run—4¼. Wireless Report—none today.

Remarks:
 Mrs. Noah is becoming attached to the diplodocus carnegiei. The two are together a great deal.—I played that machine again today. Lost! Just before I quit, I saw Shem hold a horseshoe where he wanted the needle to stop. When I caught him, he said it was only for good luck. I see through that game now. I’ll catch them tomorrow.—I’m all the time forgetting on which side of the ship the red lights belong. I can’t see the use of making my Ark look like a drug store.— Weather Forecast—continued rain.

THURSDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—south. Sea—same as usual. Rainfall—six inches. Ship’s Run—2.

Remarks:
 This morning I took a shoe off the mare. Put ten shekels on the letter W. Held my good-luck shoe at the letter. Shem held his at E. Shem won. I’m not going to play that game any more.—Guess the camels must be sick. They will not drink.—Don’t see land anywhere. The thousand-leggers haven’t their sea legs as yet.

FRIDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—steady. Sea—same as yesterday. Ship’s Run—1. Wireless Report—none.

Remarks:
 The weather still has it in for us.—I found Shem’s good-luck horseshoe. It’s a magnet. The scoundrel!—Spent the morning reading up on animals. Wish I knew as much about them as Mr. Æsop.—Japheth says the peanut-eating varieties have consumed 477,392 nuts.—Nearly had a sad disaster today.—One of the bullfrogs jumped overboard. We lowered the lifeboat, and rescued him after a chase.—The water spaniels seem to enjoy this weather.—The women folks have organized some kind of an “anti” society.—The food on board is extraordinary. The salt air seems to have benefited my appetite. Still, Mrs. Noah never could cook like mother.

SATURDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—straight ahead. Rainfall—5½ inches. Ship’s Run—4. Sea—much deeper.

Remarks:
 Did not sleep well last night. The rain on the roof keeps me awake.—Mrs. Noah went about the Ark pinning up “No smoking” signs.—All at sea about our course. If the world is round we are all right. If it’s flat we may topple off the edge. We ancients are greatly handicapped. Wish Columbus had lived before my time. Japheth and I spent the whole morning trying to figure where we are. His calculations make us sailing south of the Dead Sea. Mine show we are over Sheba. I’m right because I’m the captain.—The camels still won’t drink.—Had to scold Ham for trying to steal the fish-worms. I’ll bet he wanted to go fishing tomorrow.—Took my bath.

SUNDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—cool. Sea—same. Ship’s Run—2.

Remarks:
 No services. Shem ran into my cabin this morning. He was greatly excited. He said the bothriospondylus madagascariensis, the metriorhynchus superciliosus, and the long-horned brontotherium had climbed out of their stalls, and were fighting with the macanchenia patagonica and the testudo periniana. I went downstairs and found that the bothriospondylus madagascariensis, the metriorhynchus superciliosus, and the long-horned brontotherium were not fighting with the macanchenia patagonica and the testudo periniana, but with the sceliditherium leptocephalum and the pachydiscus peramphus. The noise of the battle awoke the machairodus negæus, the horplophorus ornatus, and the pareiasaurus serridens. They began to purr. It was a good thing for me I was not stepped on while stopping the fight. Gol darn the fellow who gave animals such names.

MONDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—dry. Sea—smooth. Ship’s Run—2.

Remarks:
 Twenty days out. Rain half over.—Camels took a drink today. First time since the tenth. I’d hate to be a camel.—I won the pool on the ship’s run.—We have to watch the flies all the time to keep them away from the fly-paper.—Shem complains that the lions eat too much meat. Meat is expensive these days. I’m going to try feeding them hay.—Shot craps awhile this afternoon with Japh.—We are using the sun-dials again. During the night the ostrich broke into the chart room and swallowed my Ingersoll chronometer.—It takes 24 life preservers to go around the elephant.

TUESDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—up a bit. Sea—starting to blow. Ship’s Run—½.

Remarks:
 I am sure this is a record rain. Read all the weather reports, but can’t find any to beat it.—Wish I had spent more time in zoos when I was ashore. There are some details about animals which I do not know. Today I wanted to find out why the canaries always attack the cuttlefish.—The girls spent the afternoon playing bridge. War in camp now.—Mrs. Noah has named her diplodocus carnegiei “Yorick.” It makes me laugh to see them promenading the deck together.—The mice broke out today.

WEDNESDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—worse. Sea—worse. Ship’s Run—¼.

Remarks:
 The typhoid fever germs are looking thin. I don’t know who to feed them on. Sometimes I think it would be a good idea to throw them overboard, but I’m too tender-hearted.—My raincoat leaks. Caught a bad cold. Mrs. Noah made a mustard foot-bath for me tonight. Drank two goblets of sassafras tea. Mrs. Ham tried to give me some patent medicine. No sir, I’ll stick to the old-fashioned remedies every time. The Ark is a bad place for a rheumatic.—Caught Ham making hieroglyphics of me today.

THURSDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—terrible. Sea—wild. Ship’s Run—minus 19.

Remarks:
 I stood on the bridge eighteen hours during a storm. Never saw such waves. Some were as high as the Tower of Babel is going to be. A few broke into the funnels. Ham was flooded out of the engine room. We used racks on the table, and had trouble with the soup. The hippo rolled over one of the mice and nearly squashed it. The animals got all mixed up. The lightning turned the condensed milk sour. Mrs. Shem says she will be able to make cheese out of it. Had to throw the library overboard to save the ship. I saved the almanac, Æsop’s animal book, the dictionary, and the Everyman’s Encyclopedia. The sea is quieting now. I’m dead tired. Now to bed.—I wonder where mother-in-law is tonight?

FRIDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—less. Sea—less. Ship’s Run—1.

Remarks:
 While making an inspection of the fowls of the air, I heard someone talking. Thought it was a stowaway until I found two Irish-green birds with Hebraic beaks and the voice of a man. They are the most wonderful birds I ever saw. One of them hollered “hello,” and the other says something about a cracker. I’m going to make friends with them. Took them to my stateroom. They eat sunflower seed and climb with their faces.

SATURDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—from astern. Sea—quiet. Ship’s Run—resumed normal speed.

Remarks:
 I must be careful what I say before those green birds. While hunting for a collar-button I bumped my head. When Mrs. Noah came into the room they repeated what I said.—I wish it would stop raining so I could paint the ship.—Yorick keeps pawing at the stateroom door during the night. He is worse than a wolf. I don’t dare say anything.—Bath.

SUNDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—shifty. Sea—same. Ship’s Run—3.

Remarks:
 Not a sign of a let-up in the rain.—Services this a.m.—One of those impudent birds called me “whiskers” today. I hung them down in the engine room for punishment. Mrs. Noah said it was cruel to leave them in that smoky place. Tonight she brought them back to the stateroom. Their language was shocking. They had learned a lot of new words.—I like Sundays. We always have ice-cream for dinner.—I caught Ham fishing today. Put the fish-worms in the safe. I don’t trust him.—Shem says the lookout barrel is too tight for him.

MONDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—moist. Sea—cheerless. Ship’s Run—2.

Remarks:
 Another wash-day ruined.—We can’t stand those birds any more. I think Ham must have taught them that strange language. I locked them up in the booby hatch so they won’t contaminate the other birds.—Came into the cabin with muddy feet today. Mrs. Noah gave it to me. I don’t see why I can’t do as I please on my own Ark.—Had my hair cut. These ship barbers are miserable and their prices are exorbitant.—Won pool on ship’s run. The women keep asking me when the rain will stop. They want to use their kodaks.

TUESDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—abating. Sea—squally. Ship’s Run—1.

Remarks:
 I am awakened every morning by the crew scrubbing. It sounds as though they bring the trunks out of the hold and shuffle them around the decks.—We had quite a hunt this afternoon. Some of the ant-eaters’ food escaped. Mrs. Japheth finally found them in the preserves.—The rhino had a bad accident last night. He tripped while walking downstairs. Several square feet of hide was torn off. We riveted on a piece of boiler plate.

WEDNESDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—high. Sea—disturbed. Ship’s Run—½.

Remarks:
 Greatly disappointed at breakfast. My day for the egg, but the hen didn’t lay one.—The male whale has a bad attack of eczema. I must be careful of that fish. I have to save him for Jonah.—My steamer rug is almost worn out.—Ouch! I just killed a mosquito. I don’t mind their singing, but I can’t get used to their bites.—One of my back teeth began to ache.

THURSDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—same. Sea—same. Ship’s Run—same.

Remarks:
 An all-day rain.—I can’t get along with Mrs. Ham. About all she can do is sit around and try to look pretty. She can’t even do that very well. Her family thought Ham married her for her money. Some women are so useless. Mrs. Shem and Mrs. Japheth are so different. They are sympathetic and love the cargo. They seem to realize I have done quite a favour in bringing them along. It does my heart good to see Mrs. Shem pet those pigs. She would make a dandy snake-charmer. That Ham woman only plays with the French poodle and the pomeranian. Today she refused to feed the mosquitoes. She said they make lumps on her arms.

FRIDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—hot. Sea—peaceful. Ship’s Run—3.

Remarks:
 Set the sun-dial ahead half an hour. Have to do that every day to keep up with the run of the ship.—The giraffe has a cold in his throat. Mrs. Noah took all my red flannels and forty pounds of bacon to make a bandage.—I get all muddled up when I try to figure where we are. The first officer thinks we are off the coast of Egypt. That’s where they are going to build the pyramids. I guess we are sailing along the African coast. Keeping a sharp lookout for pirates.—The women folks are always asking me when it will stop raining. They say nobody will believe they have been away unless they are sunburned.

SATURDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—tempered. Sea—none. Ship’s Run—none. Stopped for repairs.

Remarks:
 Rained pitchforks all day.—Put an extra officer on deck to watch for pirates. The high seas are dangerous in these prehistoric days.—Ham won’t let his wife tend the whales. He says her clothes smell fishy. I’ll never go through another flood so short-handed.—Shem tells me I ought to put the latitude and longitude in the log. I didn’t like to show my ignorance so I said I would, but I won’t.—This damp weather has a depressing effect on the officers and the family. It also is making the canary seed sprout, and putting mould on the hay.—Guess all the mines are flooded by this time. I had stock in several—guaranteed to pay 200 per cent. Hope they are waterproof. Wish it were the fortieth.—Bath.

SUNDAY.

Remarks:
 Services this a.m. We are saving the collection until we get ashore.—I’m 600 years old today. I’ll be grey soon. The family got tired pounding me. Tonight the officers and their wives gave me a surprise party. Mrs. Shem baked a cake, but you couldn’t see it for candles. Mrs. Japheth gave me some records for the talking machine. Shem gave me a red tie. Ham gave me—no, he didn’t give me anything. He wished me many happy returns of the day. His wife presented me with a pair of dancing sandals. Japheth donated a bottle of hair tonic. Mrs. Noah knitted me some socks and a nightcap.

I’m getting along in years, but, still, grandpa was something like 1000 before they made a mummy out of him. I want to get away with this trip. It will be a good thing for my reputation. Perhaps it will make me famous. I want my posterity to have a fine opinion of me. It’s a good thing for them I was born. I’d like to live a few hundred years more to see some of my descendants, but it isn’t a good thing to have too much to do with one’s relations. I wonder where I’ll be when I am 700? Mrs. Noah did not abuse me once today.—No pirates yet.

MONDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—variable. Sea—full of seaweed. Ship’s Run—2.

Remarks:
 The welsh rarebit we had at my party last night kept me awake.—I wonder what that latitude and longitude is? I ought to have taken a course in navigation before I undertook this trip.—We are using the flint and steel again. The matches are too damp.—Mrs. Ham complains about the butter. She says it is rancid. She can’t expect a Ritz-Carlton aboard. It was guaranteed for a year. If I ever find the manufacturer I’ll make him live up to his agreement.—My umbrella needs re-covering. This weather is certainly monotonous.—No pirates yet.

TUESDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—invariable. Sea—middling. Ship’s Run—2.

Remarks:
 I was nearly scared to death last night. The dogs awakened me. The Irish setters barked with a pronounced brogue. At first I thought someone was breaking into the chicken coop—then I thought of the pirates! Put on my nightcap, took a candle, and went below. Someone hollered, “Who?” I said, “I’m Noah, and who are you or I’ll fire?” I was scared stiff. No answer. I couldn’t find anybody except the two birds that sleep all day. They kept winking and blinking at me. Didn’t find any pirates, but I went back to bed and dreamed about them. Ham says that’s what I get for reading ten shekel novels.

WEDNESDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—puffy. Sea—dismal. Ship’s Run—3.

Remarks:
 Seven kittens came aboard during the night. I don’t know what on earth to do with them. Ham wants to feed them to the iguanodon bernissartensis. I think they ought to go into the rainwater barrel. Mrs. Noah and the girls say they will never speak to me if I drown them.—I’m resting easier. We’re out of the pirate belt.—Our charts are worthless now. The water is too deep for them.—Threw a keg of butter overboard this afternoon.

THURSDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—blowy. Sea—swelly. Ship’s Run—¾.

Remarks:
 Ha! ha! Ham sat on the porcupine.—Poor Shem was stung while feeding the bees. They ought to be muzzled.—Have decided to let those kittens live. I detest a family quarrel.—We moved the pigs’ sty to the extreme stern.—Passed over Damascus at 4.32. Mrs. Ham told us all about her visits to the place with her parents.—It was a fine old town. That reminds me—a fellow there owed me seven and a half camels.

FRIDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—foggy. Sea—foggy. Ship’s Run—foggy.

Remarks:
 Rain and fog. There ought to be a law compelling shipowners to muffle their fog-horns. Mine kept me awake all last night.—The dinosaur eats a ton of hay at a meal. If that keeps up we’ll have to put into some port for more provisions.—Mrs. Noah visited the bowels of the ship today. She came up crying. She said the hyenas laughed at her. They are braver than Mr. Noah.—Mrs. Shem is teaching the goats to eat the soup tins. That will save a little hay. Ah! that woman is fine and economical.

SATURDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—less. Sea—less. Ship’s Run—1.

Remarks:
 Barometer going up. My rheumatism is much better. The clouds seem to be breaking. I believe it will clear. I’m so used to this rain I almost hate to see it stop.—One night more and we’ll be able to sit on deck.—I had everybody guessing at the supper table. I asked them where Moses is going to be when the light goes out. The officers and their wives are trying to guess.—I made a muffler for the fog-horn today. Now, let it fog.—Took my bath.

SUNDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—dying. Sea—calm. Ship’s Run—3.

Remarks:
 Fortieth day out. Rain almost over.—Services this a.m. Ham went to sleep during the sermon.—This afternoon I sat around talking to the girls. They love to hear me tell how I captured the animals. Today I told them about lassoing the Wild West buffaloes.—Had to get the trunks out of the hold. Mrs. Noah wanted her parasol.—Everybody more cheerful.—Had the harpactocaicinus punctulatus out for an airing. Something must be wrong with them. They only walked sideways. Looked them up in the encyclopedia and found they were nothing but common crabs.—Nobody has guessed my riddle.—Mrs. Noah quit kicking about her corns. Now, I know it will stop raining.—Well, the old Dreadnought weathered the rain all right.

MONDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—fine. Wind—stopped. Sea—blue. Ship’s Run—5.

Remarks:
 Punctually at one second after eight bells—midnight—the rain ceased.—The day dawned bright and clear.—Deck was covered with wash all morning. My, but the sun felt good!—Curried the rust off the two donkey engines.—The ladies began using their kodaks this afternoon. I had to pose for my picture.—After supper we all promenaded the promenade deck. It was clear tonight so we used the searchlight. Much interesting débris about. It is dangerous to navigation.—Everything smells so nice after the shower.—Shem says he can’t quite tell where we are by the stars, but he thinks we are south of the dipper.—Started painting the ship.—Nobody has guessed my riddle.

TUESDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—clear. Wind—balmy. Sea—fine. Ship’s Run—5.

Remarks:
 The ladies spent the morning ironing.—I rigged up the deck shuffleboard and practised. The list of the ship makes the game interesting.—I find my umbrella comes in handy to keep off the sun.—The girls are now afraid they will be tanned.—Sat in steamer chair most of the afternoon. Tonight, Shem, Ham, Japheth, and their wives are sitting on deck and singing old songs. I won’t be able to get asleep. I wonder if they think this is a Cook’s tour?—Had to tell the answer to my joke. I thought Shem would die laughing. The dear boy does enjoy humour.—We are trying to see who can walk around the deck the greatest number of times.—My nose is beginning to peel.—My, this weather is glorious!

WEDNESDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—clear. Wind—same. Sea—delightful. Ship’s Run—5.

Remarks:
 Still painting ship. Mrs. Ham caught her dress in it. Poor Ham got an awful lecture. She complained to the captain, but I beat it to the bridge. Some women are so funny.—The moon came up tonight. All the young married people are out on deck spooning. It’s a peculiar thing how the moon and steamers affect some people. I can hear Mrs. Noah snoring now. A few hundred years ago we also used to be sentimental.—Put up the awnings today.—Walked around the deck 24 times after supper.—Wish there were some nice old school teachers aboard.