LADY BELLAIR'S ADVICE TO GIRLS.
WHAT TO AVOID.
A loud, weak, affected, whining, harsh or shrill tone of voice. Extravagances in conversation—such phrases as "Awfully this," "Beastly that," "Loads of time," "Don't you know," "Hate" for "dislike," etc.
Sudden exclamations of annoyance, surprise and joy,—often dangerously approaching to "female swearing"—as "Bother!" "Gracious!" "How jolly!"
Yawning when listening to anyone.
Talking on family matters, even to bosom friends.
Attempting any vocal or instrumental piece of music that you cannot execute with ease.
Crossing your letters.
Making a sharp, short nod with the head, intended to do duty as a bow.
WHAT TO CULTIVATE.
An unaffected, low, distinct, silver-toned voice.
The art of pleasing those around you, and seeming pleased with them and all they may do for you.
The charm of making little sacrifices quite naturally, as if of no account to yourself.
The habit of making allowances for the opinions, feelings, or prejudices of others.
An erect carriage—that is, a sound body.
A good memory for faces, and facts connected with them—thus avoiding giving offence through not recognizing or bowing to people, or saying to them what had best been left unsaid.
The art of listening without impatience to prosy talkers, and smiling at the twice-told tale or joke.
"He who would see his sons and daughters thoroughly and truly gentle, must forbid selfishness of action, rudeness of speech, carelessness of forms, impoliteness of conduct from the first, and demand that in childhood and the nursery shall be laid the foundation of that good breeding which is as a jewel of price to the mature man and woman."
"Many persons consider that 'bad temper' is entirely voluntary on the part of the person who displays it. As a matter of fact it is often, to a very great extent, involuntary, and no one is more angry at it than the bad tempered person himself. Of course everyone, whether he is born with a bad temper or has acquired one from habit, or has been visited with one as the result of disease or injury, should at least try to control it. But his friends should also bear in mind that bad temper may be, and often is, an affliction to be sympathized with, not an offence to be punished."
There are some people so given over to the pettiness of fault-picking, that if they should suddenly see the handwriting on the wall, they would disregard its awful warning in their eager haste to point out its defective penmanship.
"We are all dissatisfied. The only difference is that some of us sit down in the squalor of our dissatisfaction, while others make a ladder of it."
Mrs. Julia Ward Howe said, in speaking of Longfellow, that "his personal charm was in a delicateness of mind that was truly cosmopolitan; he had a vivid appreciation of what was beautiful and noble, and he represented the purest taste and the most perfect feeling." Was there ever given a finer definition of a gentleman?
"Set a watch over thy mouth, and keep the door of thy lips, for a tale-bearer is worse than a thief."
"He submits to be seen through a microscope who suffers himself to be caught in a passion."
"It isn't what you wear in this life, gentlemen; it is how you wear it. It isn't so much what you do; it is how you do it. There are people who do tasteful things vulgarly, and vulgar things tastefully. Who was it that
'Kicked them downstairs with such very fine grace,
They thought he was handing them up'?
"A sense of humor is one of the most precious gifts that can be vouchsafed to a human being. He is not necessarily a better man for having it, but he is a happier one. It renders him indifferent to good or bad fortune. It enables him to enjoy his own discomfiture. Blessed with this sense, he is never unduly elated or cast down. No one can ruffle his temper. No abuse disturbs his equanimity. Bores do not bore him. Humbugs do not humbug him. Solemn airs do not impose on him. Sentimental gush does not influence him. The follies of the moment have no hold on him."
There is always a best way of doing everything, if it be but to boil an egg. Manners are the happy way of doing things; each one the stroke of genius or of love—now repeated and hardened into usage. Your manners are always under examination, and by committees little suspected—a police in citizen's clothes—but are awarding or denying you very high prizes when you least think of it.
My experience of life makes me sure of one truth, which I do not try to explain; that the sweetest happiness we ever know, the very wine of human life, comes not from love, but from sacrifice—from the effort to make others happy. This is as true to me as that my flesh will burn if I touch red-hot metal.
"A wise man will turn adverse criticism and malicious attacks to good account. He will consider carefully whether there is not in him some weakness or fault which, although he never discovered, was plain to the eye of his enemy. Many men profit more by the assaults of foes than by the kindness of friends."
"Politeness is like an air cushion: there may be nothing in it, but it eases our jolts wonderfully."
Don't flatter yourself that friendship authorizes you to say disagreeable things to your intimates. On the contrary, the nearer you come into relation with a person the more necessary do tact and courtesy become. Except in cases of necessity, which are rare, leave your friend to learn unpleasant truths from his enemies: they are ready enough to tell them. Good breeding never forgets that amour-propre is universal.
Whatever our disbeliefs, most of us profoundly believe in goodness; and we incline to believe that a man who has practically learned the secret of noble living has somehow got near the truth of things.
"A man's bad temper sometimes does more toward spoiling a dinner than a woman's bad cooking."
Her voice was ever soft,
Gentle and low; an excellent thing in
Woman.
True politeness is perfect ease and freedom. It simply consists in treating others just as you love to be treated yourself.
A man has no more right to say an uncivil thing than to act one, no more right to say a rude thing to another than to knock him down.
How sweet and gracious, even in common speech,
Is that fine sense which men call courtesy!
Wholesome as air and genial as the light,
Welcome in every clime as breath of flowers,——
It transmutes aliens into trusting friends,
And gives its owner passport round the globe.
THE END.
TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES
Other than the corrections in punctuation errors and misprints listed below, printer's inconsistencies in spelling and hyphenation have been retained:
"repuation" corrected to "reputation" (page 2)
"sympatheic" corrected to "sympathetic" (page 38)
"Stael" corrected to "Staël" (page 59)