The Mother and Her Child

Because of her versatile adaptability to the management of details, woman, all through the ages, has willingly and happily sacrificed herself upon the altar of service. It is not in the province of this chapter to go into the details of the tribal life of the early hordes and clans that came from the north and from the east to establish civilization in the cities of Rome and Britain—space forbids. In this chapter we wish to hold up a picture to the mother, a picture which may speak volumes to her soul; one which perhaps she may ruthlessly throw away—nevertheless, we propose to exhibit it.

HOMEMAKING VS. HOUSEKEEPING

A newspaper woman in my office recently told me a story of a mother who finished her high-school education, took some work in a university, and who yielded to the earnest pleas of her lover-classmate through grammar school, high school and college—and married him. To this happy family there came a number of beautiful children. The mother willingly, lovingly, cared for them during their helpless infancy—made their clothes, managed their meals, opened the door for them as they came home from school, met them with a cheery story, listened to their problems, helped them with their lessons—but all through it, first, last and all the time, she also managed the entire home. She dusted the furniture, changed the curtains, looked after the linen, mended the clothes, and even pressed the trousers of her "rapidly rising" husband that he might go out into his "club life" and enjoy the evenings with his associates. The duties of the day so wearied her, and the night vigils with the sick child,—looking after the little coughs, the uncovered shoulders, getting the drinks of water and performing a dozen other details—that she was too weary to accompany her husband to the dance, to the theater, to the social gathering or to ladies' night at the club; and so, in the course of a dozen years, the mother had grown old, and quite naturally she had grown "home centered." Her world's horizon was the walls of her home. She was happy and quite contented in her children's smiles, in the cheery "how do you do" of her husband, in the fact that that gravy was good or that steak was fried to the king's taste.

She was happy and contented until one day when the awakening blow came. In the attic she and her thirteen-year-old son, who was just entering high school, were looking through an old chest when she drew forth some examination reports and some old school cards—holding them up side by side. One set of the cards bore the father's name and the other set the mother's maiden name. In great surprise the boy exclaimed, "Why, mother, I never knew you studied algebra and Latin; why, mother, I never knew you were educated." Her eyes were immediately opened, the scales fell off, she was awakened to the fact that her own son was coming to regard his mother as somewhat inferior, in intellectual attainments, to the father—that she was considered in that home as a mere domestic. True, the steak had been broiled well, the pudding was exquisite, the children's clothes were always in order, the husband's trousers were always beautifully pressed, his ties were cleaned as well as a cleaner could clean them; but where did she stand in her boy's mind and where was she in her husband's mind?

"Do you notice how trim and nice Mrs. Smith always looks? Her clothes are always in the latest style, and she combs her hair so becomingly." Such remarks as this from the well-meaning husband cut keenly, and it is well that they do, for often it is only such remarks that wake up our "home mother."

Dear reader, I want you to ponder this story. I wish to say to the mother who has started out upon a career in life, who has prepared herself for teaching school, for a business career, for story writing, for millinery, for lecturing, or has perhaps graduated in a domestic science course, that she makes the mistake of her life in settling down, just because she has taken another's name, to be perfectly satisfied with becoming the household domestic, the household mender, the household cook.

MOTHERS IN THE PROFESSIONS

I have in my acquaintance scores of mothers in the professions, newspaper women, women who have carved out brilliant careers for themselves, women who have taught school for twenty years while their children have been growing up, women physicians who have risen in the esteem of all their professional brothers and sisters, women who have conducted cooking schools, who have occupied positions of trust in hospitals and in every walk of life, and who have successfully reared children at the same time.

You will pardon me for being personal when I say that since our own little fellow was six weeks old his clothes have been washed and mended and his food has been prepared by earnest and honest women who had not fitted themselves for the career which this boy's mother had chosen. His mother went to her office, cared for her patients, kept up by the side of her husband in the battle of life. All the time there was a woman at home just devoted to that little fellow.

A newspaper woman recently told me her story—a story which should impress everyone of my readers as it did myself, and she, like many other mothers in the professions, leaves her home as the little fellow goes to school. His hands have been washed, his bowels have moved, his hair has been combed, his breakfast has been eaten by the side of his mother—she has directed it all. He goes forth to the schoolroom and she goes forth to her profession. All through the day she lovingly keeps in mind these children that are growing up. She works the harder, real love entering into everything she does, because she is not merely earning the bread that goes into their mouths, but is forming a character not only for herself but, because of her broadened horizon, is instilling into their little minds the possibilities of their own career, their own opportunity to enter into the world's work as real world workers.

I contend that the mother in a profession has many blessings that the mother who remains at home never has. The mother who remains at home has a viewpoint that is often quite likely, wholly unconsciously, of course, to become small, to become narrow, to become focused upon small details; on the other hand, the mother whose mind and whose heart are so full of the affairs of the office, of the newspaper article she has just written, or the lecture she has just given or is about to give, or the meeting that she is to preside over, is quite likely to become somewhat irritated sometimes if the little fellow doesn't stand quietly to have his hair combed, she is quite likely to "feel rushed;" but under all circumstances, dear reader, whether this mother be a home mother or in a profession, never, never must she allow mental panic to seize her. Ever must we keep in mind that these little ones are just children—children that are still in the developmental stage.

WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME

And now for the home mother. I believe it is necessary and of paramount importance that she get away from her children (if possible) several hours each day; that she provide for them a caretaker who can relieve the children of her or relieve her of the children, whichever way you may look at it, for we are inclined to think that the children often tire of the mother just about as often as the mother tires of the children. I would have the woman who remains at home, whose husband is able to provide outside help for the heavy work of the house, enter into some uplifting neighborhood work, social settlement work, church work, wholesome club work—anything but bridge and whist and gambling games. I would have them bring into the nursery a woman who is cheery, who is capable of teaching games, of entertaining and amusing these little folks under their own roof.

The woman who has graduated from high school, who has a diploma to teach, I would have take a school or, at least, do substitute work. She will be happier—far happier—continuing along the lines for which she has prepared herself, even if all the money she earns be used to pay the help. Some women are especially fitted for the important work of mother and homemaker, and such wives will find for themselves a worthy career in the home and its neighborhood activities. Each woman must find a field of action suited to her own temperament, education, experience, talents, and opportunities.

SELECTING A CARETAKER

For a caretaker, the professional or business woman should not select an ignorant servant girl; that would be a great mistake—a crime—a violation of the law that should govern the training of these little people who have come to us to be reared and cared for and fitted to occupy their place among the world's workers. As a rule, one soul does not possess the qualifications for scrubbing and laundry work and also the firm but gentle ministering qualifications necessary for a successful caretaker. They do not combine as a rule. It has been my experience, as a mother with a profession, and that of many others of my acquaintances, that an art student or a music student makes a splendid caretaker. There are hundreds and hundreds of genteel women, with winning manners and beautiful dispositions, who may be obtained to sew on the buttons, wash the faces, and change the clothes of our darlings while we are carrying forward in the world the great work for which we have fitted ourselves during the long struggles of our teens and early twenties.

The young woman who is brought in to care for the child should be above the usual "servant" class. She must eat in our dining-room, she should be welcome in the living-room or sun parlor, and be treated as a respected member of the family. Her salary is usually not large for she realizes that she is given something in that home—something that money cannot buy.

THE UP-TO-DATE MOTHER

Now this young woman (the caretaker) wants to hold her position, and so she is very anxious to carry out in detail the laws and rules that are laid down by the mother. Mother can keep abreast with the world, mother has time to read periodicals that keep her in touch with the great, wide, pulsating affairs of life. She is able to meet more women worth while, and with her husband attend lectures, musicals, theaters, and other places for intellectual culture.

Anyone of my readers need not look four blocks from her home to find a mother who is run down at the heel, whose dresses are calico, whose hat is five or six years old, whose black silk dress (the only one she ever had) is worn shiny or threadbare, who works and saves every penny that she can that her children may look well; and, even when the husband does invite her to go out with him, he will often be confronted with this remark: "John, I would like to go, but really my clothes are a little bit shabby." The world is just full of such women, with their very hearts being eaten out of them for the want of a beautiful gown, a beautiful hat or a pretty pair of evening shoes, and they might have them every one if they would be willing to allow the duties of the household to be presided over by a woman that cannot do the things the mother can do, while she goes out and accrues a number of dollars each week which will more than provide for the things that her soul desires so that she may go well dressed by the side of her husband in quest of that very necessary intellectual culture and social diversion.

The wife of a prominent judge, in my office just this week, said to me that she believed that most of our social and domestic uneasiness was due to the fact that fathers and mothers and children went out together so seldom. The father goes to his club, the children go to their little gatherings, and mother usually stays at home; although of late, she is beginning to realize the value of the women's clubs.

QUALIFICATIONS OF THE GOVERNESS

The caretaker should not be too old. It is a very great blessing if there is an older sister in the family who can come in and assist with this work, or if there is an aunt. If one is to be selected from the open market, then we suggest a woman in her late teens or early twenties whose heart is full of play, whose face is sunny, and who is young enough to appreciate and like the becomingness of youthful dress. It is needless to say she should be free from tuberculosis and other diseases. She should be trustworthy enough not to administer soothing syrups because the children won't sleep, or to give candy when mother has forbidden her, or to teach the children bad habits of any sort.

It is impossible to exercise too much care in the selection of this substitute mother, and when you do find one it is often wise not to keep her too long. A year or so is plenty long enough for any person to be with our children. It is only necessary for anyone to walk out into the public parks and casually listen to the conversations of many of the "chewing-gum caretakers" to discover with what carelessness some people select caretakers for their children. The language they use is not only ungrammatical but oftentimes both slangy and profane. The flirtations carried on with many of the park policemen and bystanders lead us to feel that many people arrive at the idea that their little folks "will grow up some way." If the caretaker is a student, a young woman of culture, and is kept with the family, she will be found to be more circumspect and dependable. Her gentleman friend, if she has one, should be allowed to come to the home. She does not have to meet him out in the park any more than a sister would have to go away from home to meet a friend; and, to my mind, everything centers around the viewpoint of the mother as she selects this caretaker, for if she is her social equal it puts her in a different place entirely to the well-meaning but ignorant servant girl to whose care is often intrusted the lives of the little people.

HINTS FOR THE CARETAKER

There are a number of hints we wish to bring together in this chapter for the mother to suggest to the caretaker. For instance, here is a group that one author gives us:

BABY IS HAPPY BECAUSE

He is dry.
He is healthy.
His food is right.
He has sleep enough.
His meals are on time.
He is dressed properly.
He is bathed regularly.
His habits are regular.
His bowels move regularly.
He has fresh air day and night.
He is not dosed with patent medicines.
He is not excited by frequent handling.
He is not annoyed by flies or other insects.

THINGS BAD FOR BABIES

Candy.
Pacifiers.
Thumb-sucking.
Soothing syrups.
Patent medicines.
Waterproof diapers.
Moving picture shows.
Sucking on empty bottles.
Being kissed on the mouth.
Play of any sort after feeding.
Sleeping in bed with the mother.
Whiskey or gin for supposed colic.
Sneezing or coughing in the face.
Irregular or too frequent feedings.
Sleeping on the mother's breast while nursing.
Spitting on handkerchief to remove dirt from baby's face.
Allowing a person with a cough or a cold to hold the baby.
Violent rocking, bouncing, and rollicking play at any time.
Dirty playthings, dirty nipples, dirty bottles, dirty floors.
Allowing any person with tuberculosis to take care of the baby.
Testing the temperature of the baby's milk by taking the nipple in the mouth.

THINGS TO REMEMBER

Keep baby out of dust.
Don't cover his face.
Don't rock him to sleep.
Keep baby away from crowds and sick people.
Don't neglect a sore throat or a running ear.
His health, growth, and happiness depend largely upon you.
Cats and dogs have no place about a baby. They carry disease.
The baby is not a toy or a plaything, but a great responsibility.
Don't wipe out baby's mouth. It tends to cause ulcers and thrush.

OVERCOMING BAD HABITS

There are a few bad habits which older children fall into such as lip-sucking or thumb-sucking or finger-sucking which not only narrow and deform the upper jaw, but likewise deform the hand itself. They should be stopped at the earliest opportunity by pinning the sleeve to the bedding or putting mittens on the hand or putting a slight splint on the anterior bend of the elbow. Some children suck their handkerchiefs, or bite holes in their aprons and neckties.

Children often bite their finger nails, and a habit of this kind fully developed during early childhood often remains with them throughout life; whenever a nervous spell seizes them they instantly begin to bite their finger nails. Other people pick their nose when nervous, so during very early childhood these habits should be discouraged. One mother helped her little son by beautifully manicuring his nails for him each week. Another child was cured by old-fashioned spanking. The finger tips may be painted with tincture of aloes, or dipping the tips of the fingers in strong quinine water will sometimes help. I know of nothing better for the adolescent child than to teach him how properly to manicure his own nails. Another bad habit that children often get into is stooping or allowing the shoulders to become rounded. Shoulder braces are not indicated in these cases. The children should be allowed to enter the gymnasium or the father should take off his coat and vest and go through gymnasium stunts with the boy. The mother can do the same for the girl. It is often the case that round-shouldered children are near sighted. The child really has to stoop to see things. When a child holds his head to one side constantly on looking at objects, astigmatism, an error of eyesight, is usually indicated. An eye specialist should be consulted, the eyes examined, and properly fitted eye glasses should be worn.

Just as early as possible in the life of the little child he should be taught to blow his nose, to spit out the coughed up mucus from his lungs, to hold out his tongue for inspection and to allow his throat to be examined. He should be taught to gargle, and to regard the physician as one of his best friends. Attention to these minor accomplishments will make it very easy indeed for the physician in case of illness.

A child is the most imitative creature in the world. Before he is out of pinafores he tries to talk and act just like his elders. It is because of this inherent tendency to say and do those very things which he hears others say and do, that, if faith-thoughts are early and constantly suggested to the unfolding mind of the child they will assist greatly in evolving a character of joy, confidence, and courage. On the other hand, if fear-thoughts are continuously sown in the young mind they will eventually distort the emotions, deform the conceptions, and wholly demoralize the health and life activities of the growing child. Within the limitations of the possibilities of hereditary endowment, and in view of this wonderful imitative nature, we are able to make of a child almost anything we desire; not "an angel," in the ordinary acceptation of the term, but a child who knows his place and possesses the power of normal self-control.

EARLY FEARS

From two to six years of age, when the imagination is most plastic and vivid, when the child's imitative instinct is so unconsciously automatic, is the most effective and opportune time to initiate good habits and lay the foundations for the later development of a strong and noble character. "Baby's skies are Mamma's eyes" is just as true as it is poetical. While a tired and worn-out mother, exhausted by a multitude of harrassing household cares, may be pardoned for her occasional irritability, nevertheless the little one unconsciously partakes of her spirit. When the mother is happy the child is happy. When Mother is sick and nervous the child is impatient and irritable.

It is unfortunate that this very time of a child's life, when we can do practically anything we choose with him, is the very time when so many parents fill the child's mind with the unhealthful fear-thoughts. "The bogie man'll get you if you don't mind Mamma," or, "I'll get the black man to cut your ears off," or, "the chimney sweep is around the corner to take bad little boys," are familiar threats which are so frequently made to the little folks. These efforts to terrorize the young child into obedience never fail to distort the mind, warp the affections, and, more or less permanently, derange the entire nervous system. The arousal of fear-thoughts and fearful emotions in the mind of the growing child is very often such a psychologic and a physiologic shock to the child that the results are sometimes not wholly eradicated in an entire lifetime.

Just see how far we carry this unwholesome introduction of fear-thoughts—even to the Almighty. Thousands of us remember being told as a child that "God don't like naughty boys," or, "God will send the bad man to get you if you don't be good." Thus, early in life, an unwholesome fear of the Supreme Being is sown in the mind of the child, and, as time passes, these false fears grow and come so to possess the mind and control the emotions that in adult life this early teaching comes to mold the character and shape the religious beliefs of the individual.

To the child who has been reared to dread God, who has come to look upon the Creator as an ever present "threat," how is it possible to convey the beautiful teaching of His fatherhood?

FEAR OF NOISES

How frequently some unusual noise leads a parent to say: "Keep still! What was that? Did you hear that noise?" The little folks of the family are startled, their eyes grow large and their faces pale, while they cling to the frightened mother. Of course, investigation usually shows that the strange and alarming noise was merely the slamming of a cellar door, the rattling of a curtain in the wind, some one walking about downstairs, or the action of the new furnace regulator in the basement. But meantime the harm is done to the children—fear, the worst enemy of childhood, has been unconsciously planted in the mind by the thoughtless and nervous parent.

FEAR OF DARKNESS

Consider for a moment the thousands of children who are early taught an abnormal fear of the dark. Even when the child is absolutely free from such a fear, when sent into a dark room some member of the family will thoughtlessly remark, "Do you think it is quite right to send that child into that dark room? Suppose something should happen." The child quickly catches the suggestion that something is supposed to be or happen in the dark, and in his mind is sown the seed of fear.

When our boy was about two years old he was carried one night to the window by a caretaker, and as they looked out into the darkness the young woman said, "Boo! dark!" The little fellow shuddered, drew back and repeated, "Boo! dark! Boo! dark!"

That night, as was our custom after the evening story, we tucked him in his little bed, turned out the light, and saying, "Sweet dreams, Darling," closed the door. Imagine our surprise to hear, "Mamma, Mamma, Willie 'fraid of dark, Willie 'fraid of dark," and it was with difficulty that he was induced to go to sleep in the dark. Immediate inquiry revealed the occasion of his fears, and the next night we set about to eradicate the fear of darkness from the little fellow's mind.

For ten successive nights we took his hand, and, leading him into a dark room, said, "Nice dark, restful dark; we go to sleep in the dark; we're not afraid of the dark, no." Each night, save one, we were met with, "No, no, naughty dark. Willie 'fraid of dark." On the tenth night as we entered the room as usual, repeating, "Nice dark, restful dark; we go to sleep in the dark; we're not afraid of the dark, no," his little mind responded. Suggestion had at last routed fear and given birth to faith. We had won! But it had taken ten nights of constant work to undo one moment's work of a thoughtless girl. Every night since he has gone to sleep in the dark without a murmur.

THE FOLLY OF MAKING THREATS

Threats only show weakness on the part of the disciplinarian. Most school teachers early learn the folly of making threats. When I was teaching school I recall that a number of slate pencils had been dropped on the floor one afternoon. Thoughtlessly I threatened, "Now the next child that drops a pencil will remain after school and receive punishment!" My fate! The weakest, most delicate girl in the room was the next to drop her pencil, and she was a pupil with a perfect record in deportment. The reader can imagine my embarrassment. I had threatened punishment, and so had to get out of the predicament as best I could. This experience effectually cured me of making such foolish threats.

Most of us live to regret the threats we make. "Your father will thrash you when he comes home tonight," or, "You'd better not let your father see you doing that," or, "You wouldn't behave that way if your father was here," etc., are common threats which we hear directed at headstrong and willful boys. What is the result? Do such threats cause the love of the child for his father to increase? They make the child actually afraid of his father.

"I'll 'bust' your brains out," said a four-year-old to his pet lion, because it wouldn't stand up. Now it should be remembered that these things do not originate in the minds of the boy and girl. They only repeat the things they hear others say. It betrays both cowardice and ignorance to undertake to secure obedience by such threats as "I will box your ears if you don't mind," etc.

Obedience that is worth anything at all is only secured by suggestion and love, never by promises of reward or threats of punishment.

CHILDREN WHO ARE CALLED "COWARDS"

Recently we overheard a little fellow say, "Father says I'm the only coward in the whole family." Looking him straight in the face we said to him: "You're not a coward. Such a fine boy as you couldn't possibly be a coward." The boy was greatly amazed, and, as we left him, he was saying over to himself, "I'm not a coward. She said I'm not a coward," finally adding, "She said I couldn't be a coward." This one thought, repeated to him several times and turned over and over in his mind, eventually overthrew the false fears instilled by his father.

A short time ago the daily papers contained the story of the ten-year-old son of a New York business man who drew his few dollars from the savings bank, boarded a train for Chicago, and, after three days of amusement and loneliness, his money all gone, was found in a hotel bitterly weeping. His identity was revealed, the parents were notified at once, and the boy was sent on the first train back to his home. On the way to the station he sobbed out through his tears, "Well, my brother can't call me a coward any more, anyway." Who knows but that this everlasting taunting of the child with the accusation of being a baby or being a coward has much to do with many such escapades and other daring exploits on the part of the juveniles who are chafed by such unjust insinuations? Those of us who are acquainted with the vice and crime of a great city can imagine just what might have happened if this boy had been a little older, if his heredity had not been so good, if his money hadn't run out, if he had been able to remain in the big city long enough to make undesirable acquaintances.

Many criminals have confessed behind prison bars that when they were children they were called cowards. After a while they actually came to believe that they were cowards, and in their efforts to acquire courage and demonstrate their bravery they were led to desperate and even criminal acts. They prowled around the dark alleys just to convince themselves that they were not afraid, that they were not cowards, and there they made the acquaintance of the criminals who led them into new and dangerous paths. Even if a child enters this world handicapped by heredity, let us not lessen his chances of success by adverse suggestion.

Faith-thoughts, thoughts of bravery and of courage, may just as easily be instilled into the mind of the normal child as thoughts of fear and cowardice. A child should never have suggested to him that he is afraid. He should be constantly assured that he is brave, loyal, and fearless. The daily repetition of these suggestions will contribute much to the actual acquirement of the very traits of character that are thus suggested. This does not mean that a child should not be taught caution and forethought.

THE GIRL WHO WOULD "TURN OUT BAD"

Parents do not begin to realize how fearfully dangerous is this habit of constantly reiterated negative suggestion. Let me illustrate by an actual incident: A beautiful girl in a near-by state grew up quietly in the little village until she was eighteen years of age, when suddenly she decided to run away from home, declaring she was old enough to do as she pleased. She confided in one of her girl friends that she was going to Chicago, and had made all arrangements to lose herself in the "redlight" district. All that this girl friend said had not the slightest influence. As the train bore her away to the city and to ruin, a social worker in Chicago was wired to meet her at a suburban station. The girl was met, taken from the train and whisked in a cab to the home of a Christian woman. So possessed was this girl with the idea of throwing herself away that the captain of police was asked to talk to her; but the combined efforts of the police captain, a magistrate, and several Christian people could not persuade her to recall her threat. She declared she would kill herself if her parents were notified. This siege lasted for ten days. Then she finally broke down, saying: "I simply can't help it. All my life my mother has told me that I was going to turn out bad. No matter what would happen at home, if I broke a dish or went out with the young people and remained away ten minutes later than I was told to, it would always be thrown up to me. 'Oh, some day you'll turn out bad.' I have heard it until I am sick of it, and something within seems to push me on and on, telling me I must turn out bad."

Of course the girl was persuaded to believe that these were only fear-thoughts; that she was a beautiful, virtuous girl, that she simply had received the wrong training, that she couldn't possibly turn out bad. She was thus saved by the sympathy and advice of understanding friends, was subsequently married and is today the mother of a splendid boy.

WHAT HEALTHY FAITH-THOUGHT WILL DO

Here is another story which illustrates what healthy faith-thought will do. A young man was not long ago selected for the highest position within the gift of a large religious organization. When he was a lad his parents held this thought constantly before his mind: "David, if you will be a good boy, if you will do what is right, you may some day be President of the General Assembly." He became a minister of the Gospel, a very successful one, and subsequently married a young woman who was also much interested in religious work. She continued to encourage him in this ambition, saying: "David, preach the best sermons you can; make an effort to bring many souls to Christ, and some day I believe you will be President of the General Assembly." The man presided over the General Assembly of his denomination, not one term, but term after term. He kept his eye long fixed on that particular aim, and by faith he won it.

THE POWER OF SUGGESTION

To see how powerful suggestion may be in a child's life take this incident that every parent knows: The little one trips and tumbles. Mamma says, "Oh, did you fall? Well, never mind; come here, I'll kiss it. There, now it's well." Immediately the child goes back to his play perfectly happy. One little fellow was taught that when he fell he should get up at once, rub the bump, and say, "That didn't hurt." All through his career the bumps and the hardships of life were met with the same pluck. On the other hand, a thoughtless caretaker will excitedly jump and catch up the slightly injured child, coddle it, rock it, pet it—and the crying continues indefinitely. This early training in meeting minor hurts and obstacles lasts throughout the lifetime. Pluck and grit are lacking. The behavior of the man in the face of difficulties is foreshadowed by the attitude of the child toward his petty trials and bumps.

Successful child training follows in the path of positive suggestion. Impatient words and careless threats of punishment can only contribute to the wrong training of the young mind.

When is the best time to suggest to the child? Catch the little fellow when he is happiest, when he is overjoyed and filled with glee; for it is at such times that the suggestions offered will meet with the least resistance.

Teach the children through the spirit of play and through the medium of the story. The boy or girl in the story always can have a clean face, always close the doors quietly, and otherwise so conduct himself or herself as to constitute a powerful positive suggestion for good. The story-child always says, "All right, Papa," "All right, Mamma," when corrected.

BEDTIME A GOOD TIME TO SUGGEST

The "going-to-bed time" is the time par excellence for suggestion in early childhood. After the play time, the study time, and the evening story, when all is quiet, in the peacefulness of the darkness, while you are seated in a low chair close beside the little bed, with your hand in his, repeat over and over again the positive suggestions which you desire to take root in the mind and bear fruit in the character. Again and again tell the little fellow that he is the noblest and bravest of boys, that he loves truth and hates deceit. No matter what disturbs him, if it is the lessons at school or a wrong habit, first think out exactly what you desire him to be or to do, and firmly, but quietly, tell it over and over to him.

As a concrete example: Suppose Henry, at three-and-a-half years of age has to be coaxed or almost forced to eat. Say to him: "Now, Henry, you are a good little boy. Papa and mamma love you dearly. If you are going to grow up to be a big man you must not forget to eat; so tomorrow when you go down to the table you will eat everything mamma or nurse puts before you. It won't be necessary for papa to feed you at all; you will eat the potatoes, the gravy, the toast, and the cereal, and drink your milk. You will make mamma very happy, and papa will be proud of you; and then after dinner we will have a good romp, and you will soon grow up to be big enough to have a velocipede and a watch." After two or three evenings of this suggestion you will be surprised to see there is a great difference in his eating.

Take the timid little girl who is unable to recite well at school, who is shy, and has great difficulty with her lessons. At the going-to-sleep time sit by the side of her bed and tell her that tomorrow she will have her lessons better, that she will not any more be afraid, that she will get up and recite without the least fear in her heart. By constantly repeating these suggestions she will be given confidence, and in most cases it will result in effecting the deliverance of the child from her bondage to fear. Never tell her that she is shy or that she cannot do things. Constantly tell her that she is a successful girl with a strong character, and that she is going to make a very useful and courageous woman. Hold high aims and ideals before her. Suggestion cannot atone for all the defects of character which may be inherited, but it can do much to help such unfortunate little ones gracefully bear their burdens.

NEVER ACCUSE CHILDREN OF DISHONESTY

Never tell children that you suspect they are dishonest or untruthful. Be very slow to accuse and suspect them of falsehood or theft. Tell them over and over again they are the best boys and girls in the world; that they are going to make the noblest of men and women; that they love honesty and truth. Even when you discover them in minor faults do not make the mistake of unduly magnifying and emphasizing the error. As soon as possible direct the thoughts and attention of the wrongdoer away from his error, and focus his thoughts and attention on the high goal you expect him to reach. This will not be construed as doing away with proper punishment for persistent faults after the more ideal methods seem to have failed.

A patient recently called us to see her little girl, and as we made ready to make the examination the mother said: "Now, Mary, stop your playing and come and be undressed and let the doctor look at you."

"I don't want to stop playing," murmured Mary.

"But you must come. You know you don't feel well at all, your cheeks are so red. Now swallow and see if it don't hurt. Now try again. I know you don't feel well." By the time we had begun our examination Mary began to succumb to her mother's suggestions, and began to feel a trifle indisposed. She was being made temporarily ill by the unwise and unfortunate suggestions of the overanxious mother. The examination revealed that there was nothing whatever the matter with her.

IT IS EASY TO FORM GOOD HABITS

Let us get the truth firmly into our minds as parents that it is just about as easy to form a good habit as a bad habit, just about as easy to acquire helpful, happy thoughts as those that are injurious; and we can do it, if we will but see to it that our children early form correct and proper habits of thinking and acting. While the children are taught proper respect for authority, let fear be an unknown word to them. Don't let a thought of the fear of insanity, of haunted houses, of drafts, of this and of that enter into your home. Instead, live in the glorious sunshine of strong, healthy, faith-thought, and a supreme happiness will come into your life, and you will give a legacy to your children for which they will "rise up and call you blessed."

CHIVALROUS SPIRIT

The love of mother and sister can naturally and happily be turned early to a chivalrous attitude toward all women when it is developed by suggestion and other training. In giving up a chair or bringing one for a guest, in lifting the hat, in noticing ways to be polite and attentive to mother, a lifelong conduct may be ensured.

Each day gives us trying and sometimes shocking revelations of the prevalent lack of courtesy, or even humanity, on the street cars during the "rush" hours. The indifference to the comfort of women, even the aged, on the part of many men and boys in the matter of giving them seats or other care, indicates a dangerous social condition.

The mother, instead of exercising selfish concern for her boy, should make it her duty very early to suggest that he give his seat to a woman or girl, as he would be glad to have someone do for his mother or sister. Such unselfish service will become a habit of pleasure, and help the boy become a pure-minded, manly gentleman with that respect for womanhood without which a nation is doomed.

There are a number of theories advocated by late authors on the "psychology of play," in which they connect the free and easy play of the modern child with the more serious and sober pursuits of our ancestors—our racial parents of prehistoric and primitive times. We quote from Worry and Nervousness:

In this chapter we purpose to discuss the play of the child, whose career we will divide, for convenience, into three stages:

1. The age from three to six—juvenile days.
2. The age from six to twelve—the "going to school" child.
3. The age from twelve to twenty—the adolescent youth.

⁵ William S. Sadler, Worry and Nervousness, p. 377.

JUVENILE PLAY DAYS

As nearly as is possible the little child should be out of doors the greater part of his waking hours: To our mind it is nothing short of criminal to keep the little folks in the house when the weather permits outdoor life.

Of the outdoor games which we have to suggest, perhaps the sand pile stands at the head of the list. Clean white sand should be placed in an inclosure just low enough for the child to climb over. Many, many happy hours may be spent in this sand pile, at the same time the little fellow is in his own yard and the watchful mother knows the drift of the conversations which take place.

In a previous chapter we called attention to the fact that the little girls' frocks should be provided with knickerbockers, so that she may run and jump, or sit as comfortable as the little boy, without a conscious reproof ever ringing in her ears, "Mary, do keep your dress down."

OUTDOOR PLAY

Tree climbing is another source of enjoyment to these little people and they should early be taught how to climb. Instead of suggesting fear to the child let the mother go into the yard and talk with her something like this: "Now, Mary, put your foot in that fork, now catch hold of that upper limb, hold on tight, you will get there yet;" instead of the following conversation, which all of our readers have heard: "John, do take care or you will fall and break your neck; be careful, you will fall. There, I knew you'd fall!" etc. Both mothers are trying to accomplish the same thing—one mother suggests "fore-thought," while the second mother thoughtlessly suggests "fear-thought."

These little people should be provided with rakes, spades, and hoes, and a portion of the yard should be given them in which they are at liberty to dig and rake and have a royal good time. We have yet to see the child who is not interested in flower-bed making, and the mother should think of the virgin opportunity to instill the story of life into the child's mind as he plants the seed, and day by day watches its development and growth.

A pen of rabbits may be a good thing, if proper measures are taken to prevent their burrowing out of the pen, destroying the lawn, causing much sadness of heart to their little keeper, and no end of annoyance to the neighbors.

Roller skating and hoop rolling, as well as sledding, are all valuable recreations. The snowman, snowballing, and the sled riding all bring the ruddy glow of health to the cheek, and are wonderful producers of good appetites and restorers of "tired out nerves."

INDOOR GAMES

There is no end to the number of things that can be done when the weather shuts us in, but before we take up these games let us never forget that every child thoroughly enjoys going out in the rain well protected with rubber boots, raincoat, and umbrella.

It is not extravagant to burn plenty of electricity or gas on cloudy days, for the artificial sunlight helps to cheer the heart. Such indoor games as those which may be had from blocks, puzzles, cutting out of pictures, darning of cardboard, soldier games, dolls, housekeeping, etc., are all splendid means of recreation for the little ones. Let the mother or caretaker join with the little folks in these pleasant games. For the older children, checkers and dominoes are most excellent indoor games.

THE "GOING TO SCHOOL" CHILD

First of all we must decide upon the bedtime hour, as well as the hour for rising. Between the ages of six to twelve, the bedtime hour should be eight o'clock, or not later than eight-thirty, and the rising hour at seven, or seven-thirty in the morning, for children of this age require eleven to twelve hours sleep.

Again, there must be taken into consideration the home work that the children at school are asked to do by their teachers. While this home work is not usually taxing, yet the time spent in doing the work must be taken account of. In our opinion the best time for home work is an hour and a half to two hours after the little fellow gets home from school. He should be allowed to relax for one and a half or two hours, to play out of doors whenever the weather permits, and then with either his mother or his caretaker from one-half to three-quarters of an hour should be spent on the lesson for the following day. Following this, the dinner hour is enjoyed with the parents, and after that there should always be provision in the daily duties of the father and mother for at least a half hour for the evening romp; so that play and recreation during the school age occupies possibly not more than two or two and one-half hours a day outside of school hours.

The playgrounds of schools are of inestimable value, and we quite agree with one who said: "If we can only afford one of the two—the playground or the school—have the playground first and afterward the school." The small parks and playgrounds of the cities are a great blessing to the little folks.

COMPANIONS

The companions of the school child are usually his playfellows at school, and we urge the throwing open of the home during inclement weather to allow these school friends to come in and make trains out of our chairs and tents out of our couch covers, steamer rugs, afghans, etc.

We do suggest that caution be used in allowing children to play indoors who are suffering from colds in the head, running noses, running ears, tuberculosis, or other chronic disorders, which are often highly contagious. Running noses and running ears, as well as tuberculosis, may be contracted by susceptible children when the play at recreation time takes place indoors; while such disorders are much less dangerous in connection with outdoor play.

We are well aware of the fact that some playmates may choose the bathroom, requesting that doors be locked, or wish to play in a bedroom securely away from mother and the caretaker. Under no circumstances should this be allowed. Let the child early learn that good wholesome play in the open is better than secretive misdemeanor behind closed doors.

THE "IN THE HOUSE" HOUR

It is a pitiful fact that many mothers apparently are wholly unconcerned as to the whereabouts of their little folks, even after dusk; this is unwise to say the least, for a boy or girl under twelve years of age should be found under the parental roof at dusk. The city mother should impress upon her child that when the street lamps are lighted his first duty is at once to come into the house. During the winter months this lighting of the street lamps occurs anywhere from four to six. During the summer months another rule should be laid down, depending upon the neighborhood, the character of the friends on the street, the surroundings, etc. By all means let us see that our young people are in the house by dusk.

PARTIES

Every mother who reads these lines has had to meet this question: "Shall I let my little one begin to go to parties?" and every mother will have to answer that question for herself. We personally feel that the social life extended by the school, together with the meeting of the companions at Sunday school, in the park, or on the playground, is quite enough; and we deplore the fact that many children grow into the idea that much time must be spent at "parties" in the drawing-room under unnatural surroundings, in dressed-up clothes, eating ice cream and cake, etc. Outdoor gatherings of children are wholesome and hygienic, but most of these indoor gatherings of groups of children we consider decidedly unhygienic. One child coming down with scarlet fever, measles, or whooping cough can infect twenty others at an afternoon party. The eating of so much ice cream, candy, and cake is deplorable in that it upsets the digestion, and all this is irritating to the developing nervous system of the child; and not infrequently brings on a lot of other symptoms, resulting in discomfort and disease. We believe in outdoor picnics but not in too frequent indoor parties.

PICNICS

Groups of children gathering in the park, on the beach, in the woods, when well chaperoned, are among the pleasant and profitable pleasures of childhood. It is just such gatherings that mothers and children should indulge in—and once a week is not too often during the long vacation. The mothers, too, should enter enthusiastically into the joys of a day's outing, where the enormous intake of oxygen, the hearty laughter, the races, the games, etc., all create a wonderful appetite, which can be so delightfully satiated from the well-filled lunch baskets; and while the children are thus playing together what a wonderful opportunity for the mothers to engage in an exchange of helpful ideas. Each mother has her own way, which is "the best way" to make this cake or that salad; or has met this particular difficulty in child training in a carefully thought out way; a neighborhood women's club can thus be held out in the open, while the children are having the time of their lives in the frolic of the picnic.

"MOVIES"

The movie is an institution that has come to stay, and today mothers everywhere are perhaps discussing this particular institution more than any other. The movie affords a wonderful opportunity to see the sights and scenes of other lands, of feeding the imagination of the child on travel pictures and nature pictures. It is a most deplorable fact, however, that this wonderful institution which is fraught with so many opportunities to educate and enlighten the mind of the growing child has carefully to be censored. Women's clubs have done much to purify the movies for the school-age child; many theaters are now showing on certain days a special afternoon movie for the children; and while many of these movies have great possibilities for good, we most earnestly urge that the school child see the movie that he is to see before dinner, and not have his mind excited and his nervous system "thrilled" just before going to bed. Someone asked me several years ago, "Are you going to let your little fellow go to movies?" I instantly answered, "No, but I shall take him." If the mother or the father sits by the side of a growing child and carefully, thoughtfully, and, yes, prayerfully, points out the good and explains the evil, then even the questionable movies will prove the means of bringing father and son and mother and daughter, into closer companionship.

Under no circumstances should children under twelve years of age be taken to long lectures, entertainments, or concerts, which will keep them out until eleven.

VACATIONS

Let the vacation be well planned. This is the opportunity "de luxe" for the child to earn a few pennies to enlarge his bank account. Allow him a truck garden, guinea pigs, chickens, anything remunerative, which will enable him to become one of the world's workers and one of the world's savers. Let him start a bank account when he is six, and watch him as he puts the dime in the bank, instead of taking it to the ice-cream-soda cashier.

Some time during the vacation, if possible, mother and father should accompany the little folks to the camp, to the beach—somewhere, anywhere—to get back to nature and live like Indians for a short time. Each member of the family will come back rested, happier, and more ready for the next year's work.

In the summer time learn to eat on the porch—it is great sport for the children. Many meals can be served on porches that are so often served in hot, stuffy rooms.

The "home" does not consist in the furniture, the rooms, the bric-a-brac, or the curtains. The home is the mother and the father and the children and the spirit of good fellowship which should possess them. Make the companions of the little folks very welcome, letting them learn the early use and abuse of the different articles of furniture in the house. It is all right to play tent with the beautiful couch cover; it is all right at certain times to dress up in father's best clothes and mother's beautiful gown, but while they are thus having a good time let them learn that all these things are to be used and not abused.

ADOLESCENT DAYS

The homely boy or the homely girl usually grows up free from the flattery and undue attention which are sure to be heaped upon the good-looking boy and the popular girl. Way back in the early days of five or six, and all the way up to the ages of twelve to twenty, children should be taught that it is altogether natural and correct to do things well and to look well; parents should stop, and cause their acquaintances to stop, "making over" the boy or the girl just because they have done something well, or have beautiful curls, or because their eyes are a magnificent brown, etc. If a girl should be especially endowed with a charming complexion, a wonderful chin, and if she does possess a beautiful nose or neck, let her early realize that she has been made the custodian of goodly features and that she must give an account for this particular blessing, and under no circumstances must she become self-conscious about it. Ofttimes a good frown to an unwise friend is all that is necessary to stop this "lip service" flattery.

The "chewing-gum girl" is just a thoughtless girl, that is all; sit her in front of a mirror and compel her to chew gum for one-half hour and watch herself do it, and it will often suffice to cure her. Young ladies should be taught that chewing gum should be done in the bedroom, but never in the living-room or on the streets. It is not only a disgusting habit, but it often creates an occasion for criticism as to the quality of one's home training.

ICE-CREAM PARLORS

The mother who cares will not allow her lovely daughters nightly, or even semi-weekly, to frequent the ice-cream parlors and secluded soda fountains. She had far better arrange group dinners and group receptions in her own parlor; with ice cream served in her own dishes and eaten with spoons that she has supervised the washing of.

Young women and young men in their late teens crave companionship, and they should have it; but let it be under wise chaperonage at home or in public rooms, and not in the solitude of a lonely bench in the public park, or the seclusion of an out-of-the-way, ice-cream parlor. This "running the streets" which is so freely indulged in by the adolescent youth in the early teens need not occur, if wise provision is made for the assembly of small groups in the home.

Some elders think it pleasing and cute for young men and young women—fourteen to sixteen, or even seventeen—to wrestle and roll around on the floor like two huge kittens; but it is unwise and indiscreet and should be discouraged.

DANCING

We hesitate to speak of dancing for we realize it is a very popular indoor recreation of today, but we most earnestly urge that if dancing must be done, it be done under proper chaperonage, and if young people must meet in public dance halls let them be municipal dance halls, where motherly matrons are in charge. Many of the social dances which bring the participants into such close physical contact are to be discouraged and stricken off the list; and while dancing is a splendid form of exercise—let us add that it is also sometimes a dangerous one.

QUESTIONABLE PLAY

After the boys and girls graduate from grammar school they may come into contact with such agencies as secret societies—which nine times out of ten are questionable—and while we realize that there is a contention both for and against these organizations, we may dismiss the subject here by simply adding that we have known little special good to come out of these societies.

While it may not be any more wrong to hit a ball from the end of a stick—as in billiards—than it is to hit it from a mallet in croquet; or from a stretched tendon, as in tennis; or from a bat, as in baseball—we do not feel that we have to argue the point, when we remind the reader that billiards and pool, especially in the public parlors, do assemble questionable companions, who use questionable language; while these games are often accompanied by betting, which is always to be deplored. And so with card playing, we see no greater harm in playing a game of euchre, than a game of authors, as far as the cards are concerned, but your boy and girl, as well as mine, as a rule, have cleaner and purer minds at the home game of authors than is probable in a game of cards in a public place.

In closing this chapter we have to announce a group of wholesome recreations which may be entered into by our lovely young people—the man and the woman of tomorrow—whom we one and all wish to keep clean and good and pure; all the while helping them to develop the sense of humor and the element of play. Such recreations are tennis, golf, croquet, roque, boating, sledding, skiing, bicycling, motoring, horseback riding, and a host of others too numerous to mention. Let us not forget that ofttimes pursuits such as garden-making and helping the parent in the office or in the home, may be made a great source of enjoyment to the adolescent youth, if they are allowed to earn a small amount of money each week, which they may deposit in the bank.

We close this chapter "Play and Recreation" with the wish that all, old and young, would develop a greater sense of humor, a greater love for play and recreation, which will increase the health of both mind and body and prevent many nervous disorders such as neurasthenia.