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The Natural History of the Gent

Chapter 7: CHAPTER V. OF THE GENT, AFTER THE PLAY, AT A TAVERN.
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About This Book

The book satirically catalogs a social type of ostentatious would-be gentlemen, treating them as if subjects of natural history. Through humorous chapters and a mock‑scientific preface, it details their affected speech, fashionable but mismatched dress, cigar and cane habits, public behaviors on omnibuses, in theatres, and on riverboats, and their intrusive courtship and pretensions to style. Short sketches and anecdotes expose the gap between assumed status and actual vulgarity, arguing that imitation of gentility invites ridicule and social disapproval.

CHAPTER V.
 
OF THE GENT, AFTER THE PLAY, AT A TAVERN.

By the following signs may the Gent at this period be known: He walketh six abreast under the Piazza, singing a negro air in chorus; and, perchance, danceth a lively measure to the refrain, until he arriveth at the entrance of Evans’s Grand Hotel. He descendeth the stairs, and, on entering the room, he goeth to the upper end thereof; and, having greeted the singers with a wink, calleth out “Charles!” No response being made by the waiter, he rappeth with his stick upon the table, until the peppercastor falleth on the floor; for which unseemly conduct Evans mildly reproveth him. He taketh a sight at Evans in return, when he can do so unobserved, and saith that he liketh him not so well as Rhodes: and then he calleth “Henry!” Being served with the rabbit of Wales, he saith to the funny singer,—“How are you, old feller!” and presseth him to partake of his grog. He proffereth a prayer that the funny singer will oblige him with a particular song. The funny singer complieth; and the Gent singeth the chorus, prolonging it far beyond the proper length, to the indignation of Evans. At its conclusion, his animal spirits and enthusiastic approbation impel him to call out—“Bravo, Rouse!” which promoteth political dissension amongst the guests. Evans telleth him “that he cannot have the harmony of the room disturbed by one individual”—a sentiment which the Gent applaudeth lustily, and ordereth some champagne, which he drinketh, with the singers, from a tankard. The anger of Evans is in a measure appeased. The Gent joineth in a glee at the wrong time; but turneth away wrath by buying a copy of it when finished. He ordereth more champagne, and believeth that he is taken by the room for a “Lord about town.” He saith he hath a pony that he will back against every other to do every thing. He talketh of actresses, and winketh mysteriously. He telleth the funny singer that if he will come and see him at his little place in the city, he will put him up to a thing or two. At last he getteth troublesome, and is coaxed away by his companions. The next morning he saith what a spree he had, and that he sat opposite to an officer who knew one of the ballet, and had spoken to her once behind the scenes; and so he thinketh that he hath a link with the great world. But yet, upon reflection, he hath not.