"I have no doubt," interrupted Mustapha, "but that you kept it for yourself. Say—is it not so?"
* * * * *
Even so did my doubts resolve into that fact. I settled it in my mind, that seven hundred sequins, added to about four hundred still in my possession, would last some time, and that I was tired of the life of a howling dervish. I therefore set up one last long final howl to let my senior know that I was present, and then immediately became absent. I hastened to the bazaar, and purchasing here and there—at one place a vest, at another a shawl, and at another a turban—I threw off my dress of a dervish, hastened to the bath, and after a few minutes under the barber, came out like a butterfly from its dark shell. No one would have recognised in the spruce young Turk, the filthy dervish. I hastened to Constantinople, where I lived gaily, and spent my money; but I found that to mix in the world, it is necessary not only to have an attaghan, but also to have the courage to use it; and in several broils which took place, from my too frequent use of the water of the Giaour, I invariably proved that, although my voice was that of a lion, my heart was but as water, and the finger of contempt was but too often pointed at the beard of pretence. One evening, as I was escaping from a coffee-house, after having drawn my attaghan, without having the courage to face my adversary, I received a blow from his weapon which cleft my turban, and cut deeply into my head. I flew through the streets upon the wings of fear, and at last ran against an unknown object, which I knocked down, and then fell along side of, rolling with it in the mud. I recovered myself, and looking at it, found it to be alive, and, in the excess of my alarm, I imagined it to be Shitan himself; but if not the devil himself, it was one of the sons of Shitan, for it was an unbeliever, a Giaour, a dog to spit upon; in short, it was a Frank hakim—so renowned for curing all diseases that it was said he was assisted by the Devil.
* * * * *
"Lahnet be Shitan! Curses on the devil!" said Mustapha, taking his pipe out of his mouth and spitting.
"Wallah Thaib! It is well said," replied the pacha.
* * * * *
I was so convinced that it was nothing of this world, that, as soon as I could recover my legs, I made a blow at him with my attaghan, fully expecting that he would disappear in a flame of fire at the touch of a true believer; but, on the contrary, he had also recovered his legs, and with a large cane with a gold top on it, he parried my cut, and then saluted me with such a blow on my head, that I again fell down in the mud, quite insensible. When I recovered, I found myself on a mat in an outhouse, and attended by my opponent, who was plastering up my head. "It is nothing," said he, as he bound up my head; but I suffered so much pain, and felt so weak from loss of blood, that in spite of his assertions, I very much doubted the fact. Shall I describe this son of Jehanum? And when I do so, will not your highness doubt the fact? Be chesm, upon my head be it, if I lie. He was less than a man, for he had no beard; he had no turban, but a piece of net-work, covered with the hair of other men in their tombs, which he sprinkled with the flour from the baker's, every morning, to feed his brain. He wore round his neck a piece of linen, tight as a bowstring, to prevent his head being taken off by any devout true believer, as he walked through the street. His dress was of the colour of hell, black, and bound closely to his body, yet must he have been a great man in his own country, for he was evidently a pacha of two tails, which were hanging behind him. He was a dreadful man to look upon, and feared nothing; he walked into the house of pestilence—he handled those whom Allah had visited with the plague—he went to the bed, and the sick rose and walked. He warred with destiny; and no man could say what was his fate until the Hakim had decided. He held in his hand the key of the portal, which opened into the regions of death; and—what can I say more?—he said live, and the believer lived; he said die, and the houris received him into Paradise.
* * * * *
"A yesedi! a worshipper of the devil," exclaimed Mustapha.
"May he and his father's grave be eternally defiled!" responded the pacha.
* * * * *
I remained a fortnight under the Hakim's hands before I was well enough to walk about; and when I had reflected, I doubted whether it would not be wiser to embrace a more peaceful profession. The Hakim spoke our language well, and one day said to me, "Thou art more fit to cure than to give wounds. Thou shalt assist me, for he who is now with me will not remain." I consented, and putting on a more peaceful garb, continued many months with the Frank physician, travelling everywhere, but seldom remaining long in one place; he followed disease instead of flying from it, and I had my doubts whether, from constant attendance upon the dying, I might not die myself, and I resolved to quit him the first favourable opportunity. I had already learnt many wonderful things from him; that blood was necessary to life, and that without breath a man would die, and that white powders cured fevers, and black drops stopped the dysentery. At last we arrived in this town, and the other day, as I was pounding the drug of reflection in the mortar of patience, the physician desired me to bring his lancets, and to follow him. I paced through the streets behind the learned Hakim, until we arrived at a mean house, in an obscure quarter of this grand city over which your highness reigns in justice. An old woman full of lamentation, led us to the sick couch, where lay a creature, beautiful in shape as a houri. The Frank physician was desired by the old woman to feel her pulse through the curtain, but he laughed at her beard (for she had no small one), and drew aside the curtains and took hold of a hand so small and so delicate, that it were only fit to feed the Prophet himself near the throne of the angel Gabriel, with the immortal pilau prepared for true believers. Her face was covered, and the Frank desired the veil to be removed. The old woman refused, and he turned on his heel to leave her to the assaults of death. The old woman's love for her child conquered her religious scruples, and she consented that her daughter should unveil to an unbeliever. I was in ecstasy at her charms, and could have asked her for a wife; but the Frank only asked to see her tongue. Having looked at it, he turned away with as much indifference as if it had been a dying dog. He desired me to bind up her arm, and took away a basin full of her golden blood, and then put a white powder into the hands of the old woman, saying that he would see her again. I held out my hand for the gold, but there was none forthcoming.
"We are poor," cried the old woman, to the Hakim, "but God is great."
"I do not want your money, good woman," replied he; "I will cure your daughter." Then he went to the bedside and spoke comfort to the sick girl, telling her to be of good courage, and all would be well.
The girl answered in a voice sweeter than a nightingale's, that she had but thanks to offer in return, and prayers to the Most High. "Yes," said the old woman, raising her voice, "a scoundrel of a howling dervish robbed me at Scutari of all I had for my subsistence, and of my daughter's portion, seven hundred sequins, in a goat-skin bag!"—and then she began to curse. May the dogs of the city howl at her ugliness! How she did curse! She cursed my father and mother—she cursed their graves—flung dirt upon my brother and sisters, and filth upon the whole generation. She gave me up to Jehanum, and to every species of defilement. It was a dreadful thing to hear that old woman curse. I pulled my turban over my eyes, that she might not recognise me, and lifted up my garment to cover my face, that I might not be defiled with the shower of curses which were thrown at me like mud, and sat there watching till the storm was over. Unfortunately, in lifting up my garment, I exposed to the view of the old hag the cursed goat-skin bag, which hung at my girdle, and contained, not only her money, but the remainder of my own. "Mashallah—how wonderful is God!" screamed the old beldame, flying at me like a tigress, and clutching the bag from my girdle. Having secured that, she darted at me with her ten nails, and scored down my face, which I had so unfortunately covered in the first instance, and so unfortunately uncovered in the second. What shall I say more? The neighbours came in—I was hurried before the cadi, in company with the old woman and the Frank physician. The money and bag were taken from me—I was dismissed by the Hakim, and after receiving one hundred blows from the ferashes, I was dismissed by the cadi. It was my fate—and I have told my story. Is your slave dismissed?
"No," replied the pacha; "by our beard, we must see to this, Mustapha; say, Hudusi, what was the decision of the cadi? Our ears are open."
"The cadi decided as follows:—That I had stolen the money, and therefore I was punished with the bastinado; but, as the old woman stated that the bag contained seven hundred sequins, and there were found in it upwards of eleven hundred, that the money could not belong to her. He therefore retained it until he could find the right owner. The physician was fined fifty sequins for looking at a Turkish woman, and fifty more for shrugging up his shoulders. The girl was ordered into the cadi's harem, because she had lost her dowry; and the old woman was sent about her business. All present declared that the sentence was wisdom itself; but, for my part, I very much doubted the fact."
"Mustapha," said the pacha, "send for the cadi, the Frank physician, the old woman, the girl, and the goat-skin bag; we must examine into this affair."
The officers were despatched, and in less than an hour, during which the pacha and his vizier smoked in silence, the cadi and the others made their appearance.
"May your highness's shadow never be less!" said the cadi, as he entered.
"Mobarek! may you be fortunate!" replied the pacha. "What is this we hear, cadi? There is a goat-skin bag and a girl, that are not known to our justice. Are there secrets like those hid in the well of Kashan—speak! what dirt have you been eating?"
"What shall I say?" replied the cadi; "I am but as dirt; the money is here, and the girl is here. Is the pacha to be troubled with every woman's noise, or am I to come before him with a piece or two of gold—Min Allah—God forbid! Have I not here the money, and seven more purses? Was not the girl visited by the angel of death; and could she appear before your presence lean as a dog in the bazaar? Is she not here? Have I spoken well?"
"It is well said, cadi. Murakhas—you are dismissed."
The Frank physician was then fined one hundred sequins more; fifty for feeling the pulse, and fifty more for looking at a Turkish woman's tongue. The young woman was dismissed to the pacha's harem, the old woman to curse as much as she pleased, and Hudusi with full permission to doubt anything but the justice of the pacha.
Chapter XVII
"Mashallah! God be praised! we are rid of that fellow and his doubts. I have been thinking, Mustapha, as I smoked the pipe of surmise, and arrived at the ashes of certainty, that a man who had so many doubts, could not be a true believer. I wish I had sent him to the mollahs; we might have been amused with his being impaled, which is a rare object now-a-days."
"God is great," replied Mustapha, "and a stake is a strong argument, and would remove many doubts. But I have an infidel in the court-yard who telleth of strange things. He hath been caught like a wild beast; it is a Frank Galiongi, who hath travelled as far as that son of Shitan, Huckaback; he was found in the streets, overpowered by the forbidden juice, after having beaten many of your highness's subjects, and the cadi would have administered the bamboo, but he was as a lion, and he scattered the slaves as chaff, until he fell, and could not rise again. I have taken him from the cadi, and brought him here. He speaketh but the Frankish tongue, but the sun who shineth on me knoweth I have been in the Frank country; and Inshallah! please the Lord, I can interpret his meaning."
"What sort of a man may he be, Mustapha?"
"He is a baj baj—a big belly—a stout man; he is an Anhunkher, a swallower of iron. He hath sailed in the war vessels of the Franks. He holdeth in one hand a bottle of the forbidden liquor; in the other, he shakes at those who would examine him, a thick stick. He hath a large handful of the precious weed which we use for our pipes in one of his cheeks, and his hair is hanging behind down to his waist, in a rolled up mass, as thick as the arm of your slave."
"It is well—we will admit him; but let there be armed men at hand. Let me have a full pipe! God is great," continued the pacha, holding out his glass to be filled; "and the bottle is nearly empty. Place the guards, and bring in the infidel."
The guards in a few minutes brought into the presence of the pacha a stout-built English sailor, in the usual dress, and with a tail which hung down behind, below his waist. The sailor did not appear to like his treatment; and every now and then, as they pushed and dragged him in, turned to one side or the other, looking daggers at those who conducted him. He was sober, although his eyes bore testimony to recent intoxication, and his face, which was manly and handsome, was much disfigured by an enormous quid of tobacco in his right cheek, which gave him an appearance of natural deformity. As soon as he was near enough to the pacha, the attendants let him go. Jack shook his jacket, hitched up his trousers, and said, looking furiously at them, "Well, you beggars, have you done with me at last?"
Mustapha addressed the sailor in English, telling him that he was in the presence of his highness the pacha.
"What, that old chap, muffled up in shawls and furs—is he the pacha? Well, I don't think much o' he;" and the sailor turned his eyes round the room, gaping with astonishment, and perfectly unmindful how very near he was to one who could cut off his head or his tail, by a single movement of his hand.
"What sayeth the Frank, Mustapha?" inquired the pacha.
"He is struck dumb with astonishment at the splendour of your majesty, and all that he beholds."
"It is well said, by Allah!"
"I suppose I may just as well come to an anchor," said the sailor, suiting the action to the word, and dropping down on the mats. "There," continued he, folding his legs in imitation of the Turks, "as it's the fashion to have a cross in your hawse, on this here country, I can be a bit of a lubber as well as yourselves. I wouldn't mind if I blew a cloud, as well as you, old fusty-musty."
"What does the Giaour say? What son of a dog is this, to sit in our presence?" exclaimed the pacha.
"He saith," replied Mustapha, "that in his country, no one dare stand in the presence of the Frankish king; and, overcome by his humility, his legs refuse their office, and he sinks to the dust before you. It is even as he sayeth, for I have travelled in their country, and such is the custom of that uncivilised nation. Mashallah! but he lives in awe and trembling."
"By the beard of the Prophet, he does not appear to show it outwardly," replied the pacha; "but that may be the custom also."
"Be chesm, on my eyes be it," replied Mustapha, "it is even so. Frank," said Mustapha, "the pacha has sent for you that he may hear an account of all the wonderful things which you have seen. You must tell lies, and you will have gold."
"Tell lies! that is, spin a yarn; well, I can do that, but my mouth's baked with thirst, and without a drop of something, the devil a yarn from me, and so you may tell the old Billygoat, perched up there."
"What sayeth the son of Shitan?" demanded the pacha, impatiently.
"The unbeliever declareth that his tongue is glued to his mouth from the terror of your highness's presence. He fainteth after water to restore him, and enable him to speak."
"Let him be fed," rejoined the pacha.
But Mustapha had heard enough to know that the sailor would not be content with the pure element. He therefore continued, "Your slave must tell you, that in the country of the Franks they drink nothing but the fire-water, in which the true believers but occasionally venture to indulge."
"Allah acbar! nothing but fire-water? What, then, do they do with common water?"
"They have none but from heaven—the rivers are all of the same strength."
"Mashallah! how wonderful is God! I would we had a river here. Let some be procured, then, for I wish to hear his story."
A bottle of brandy was sent for, and handed to the sailor, who put it to his mouth, and the quantity he took of it before he removed the bottle to recover his breath, fully convinced the pacha that Mustapha's assertions were true.
"Come, that's not so bad," said the sailor, putting the bottle down between his legs; "and now I'll be as good as my word, and I'll spin old Billy a yarn as long as the main-top bowling."
"What sayeth the Giaour?" interrupted the pacha.
"That he is about to lay at your highness's feet the wonderful events of his life, and trusts that his face will be whitened before he quits your sublime presence. Frank, you may proceed."
"To lie till I'm black in the face—well, since you wish it; but, old chap, my name arn't Frank. It happens to be Bill; howsomever, it warn't a bad guess for a Turk; and now I'm here, I'd just like to ax you a question. We had a bit of a hargument the other day, when I was in a frigate up the Dardanelles, as to what your religion might be. Jack Soames said that you warn't Christians, but that if you were, you could only be Catholics; but I don't know how he could know anything about it, seeing that he had not been more than seven weeks on board of a man-of-war. What may you be—if I may make so bold as to ax the question?"
"What does he say?" inquired the pacha, impatiently.
"He says," interrupted Mustapha, "that he was not so fortunate as to be born in the country of the true believers, but in an island full of fog and mist, where the sun never shines, and the cold is so intense, that the water from heaven is hard and cold as a flint."
"That accounts for their not drinking it. Mashallah! God is great! Let him proceed."
"The pacha desires me to say that there is but one God, and Mahomet is his Prophet; and begs that you will go on with your story."
"Never heard of the chap—never mind—here's saw wood."
TALE OF THE ENGLISH SAILOR.
I was born at Shields, and bred to the sea, served my time out of that port, and got a berth on board a small vessel fitted out from Liverpool for the slave trade. We made the coast, unstowed our beads, spirits, and gunpowder, and very soon had a cargo on board; but the day after we sailed for the Havannah, the dysentery broke out among the niggers—no wonder, seeing how they were stowed, poor devils, head and tail, like pilchards in a cask. We opened the hatches, and brought part of them on deck, but it was of no use, they died like rotten sheep, and we tossed overboard about thirty a day. Many others, who were alive, jumped overboard, and we were followed by a shoal of sharks, splashing, and darting, and diving, and tearing the bodies, yet warm, and revelling in the hot and bloody water. At last they were all gone, and we turned back to the coast to get a fresh supply. We were within a day's sail of the land, when we saw two boats on our weather bow: they made signals to us, and we found them to be full of men; we hove to, and took them on board, and then it was that we discovered that they had belonged to a French schooner, in the same trade, which had started a plank, and had gone down like a shot, with all the niggers in the hold.
* * * * *
"Now, give the old gentleman the small change of that, while I just wet my whistle."
Mustapha having interpreted, and the sailor having taken a swig at the bottle, he proceeded.
* * * * *
We didn't much like having these French beggars on board, and it wasn't without reason, for they were as many as we were. The very first night they were overheard by a negro who belonged to us, and had learnt French, making a plan for overpowering us, and taking possession of the vessel; so when we heard that, their doom was sealed. We mustered ourselves on the deck, put the hatches over some o' the French, seized those on deck, and—in half an hour, they all walked the plank.
* * * * *
"I do not understand what you mean," said Mustapha.
"That's 'cause you're a lubber of a landsman. The long and short of walking a plank is just this. We passed a wide plank over the gunnel, greasing it well at the outer end, led the Frenchmen up to it blindfolded, and wished them 'bon voyage,' in their own lingo, just out of politeness. They walked on till they toppled into the sea, and the sharks didn't refuse them, though they prefer a nigger to anything else."
"What does he say, Mustapha?" interrupted the pacha. Mustapha interpreted.
"Good; I should like to have seen that," replied the pacha.
* * * * *
Well, as soon as we were rid of the Frenchmen, we made our port, and soon had another cargo on board, and, after a good run, got safe to the Havannah, where we sold our slaves; but I didn't much like the sarvice, so I cut the schooner, and sailed home in summer, and got back safe to England. There I fell in with Betsy, and as she proved a regular out-and-outer, I spliced her; and a famous wedding we had of it, as long as the rhino lasted; but that wasn't long, the more's the pity; so I went to sea for more. When I came back after my trip, I found that Bet hadn't behaved quite so well as she might have done, so I cut my stick, and went away from her altogether.
* * * * *
"Why didn't you put her in a sack?" inquired the pacha, when Mustapha explained.
"Put her head in a bag—no, she wasn't so ugly as all that," replied the sailor. "Howsomever, to coil away."
* * * * *
I joined a privateer brig, and after three cruises I had plenty of money, and determined to have another spell on shore, that I might get rid of it. Then I picked up Sue, and spliced again; but, Lord bless your heart, she turned out a regular-built Tartar—nothing but fight fight, scratch scratch, all day long, till I wished her at old Scratch. I was tired of her, and Sue had taken a fancy to another chap; so says she one day, "As we both be of the same mind, why don't you sell me, and then we may part in a respectable manner." I agrees, and I puts a halter round her neck, and leads her to the market-place, the chap following to buy her.
"Who bids for this woman?" says I.
"I do," say he.
"What will you give?"
"Half-a-crown," says he.
"Will you throw a glass of grog into the bargain?"
"Yes," says he.
"Then she's yours; and I wish you much joy of your bargain." So I hands the rope to him, and he leads her off.
"How much did you say he sold his wife for?" said the pacha to
Mustapha, when this part of the story was repeated to him.
"A piastre, and a drink of the fire-water," replied the vizier.
"Ask him if she was handsome," said the pacha.
"Handsome," replied the sailor to Mustapha's inquiry; "yes, she was as pretty a craft to look at as you may set your eyes upon; fine round counter—clean run—swelling bows—good figure-head, and hair enough for a mermaid."
"What does he say?" inquired the pacha.
"The Frank declareth that her eyes were bright as those of the gazelle, that her eyebrows were as one, her waist as that of the cypress, her face as the full moon, and that she was fat as the houris that await the true believers."
"Mashallah! all for a piastre. Ask him, Mustapha, if there are more wives to be sold in that country?"
"More," replied the sailor, in answer to Mustapha; "you may have a ship full in an hour. There's many a fellow in England who would give a handful of coin to get rid of his wife."
"We will make further inquiry, Mustapha; it must be looked to. Say I not well?"
"It is well said," replied Mustapha. "My heart is burnt as roast meat at the recollection of the women of the country; who are, indeed, as he hath described houris to the sight. Proceed, Yaha Bibi, my friend, and tell his——"
"Yaw Bibby! I told you my name was Bill, not Bibby; and I never yaws from my course, although I heaves to sometimes, as I do now, to take in provisions." The sailor took another swig, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and continued—"Now for a good lie."
* * * * *
"I sailed in a brig for the Brazils, and a gale came on, that I never seed the like of. We were obliged to have three men stationed to hold the captain's hair on his head; and a little boy was blown over the moon, and slid down by two or three of her beams, till he caught the mainstay, and never hurt himself."
* * * * *
"Good," said Mustapha, who interpreted.
"By the beard of the Prophet, wonderful!" exclaimed the pacha.
* * * * *
Well, the gale lasted for a week, and at last one night, when I was at the helm, we dashed on the rocks of a desolate island. I was pitched right over the mountains, and fell into the sea on the other side of the island. I swam on shore, and got into a cave, where I fell fast asleep. The next morning I found that there was nothing to eat except rats, and they were plentiful; but they were so quick, that I could not catch them. I walked about, and at last discovered a great many rats together; they were at a spring of water, the only one, as I afterwards found, on the island. Rats can't do without water, and I thought I should have them there. I filled up the spring, all but a hole which I sat on the top of. When the rats came again, I filled my mouth with water, and held it wide open; they ran up to drink, and I caught their heads in my teeth, and thus I took as many as I wished.
* * * * *
"Aferin, excellent!" cried the pacha, as soon as this was explained.
* * * * *
Well, at last a vessel took me off, and I wasn't sorry for it, for raw rats are not very good eating. I went home again, and I hadn't been on shore more than two hours, when who should I see but my first wife, Bet, with a robin-redbreast in tow. 'That's he!' says she. I gave fight, but was nabbed and put into limbo, to be tried for what they call biggery, or having a wife too much.
"How does he mean?—desire him to explain," said the pacha, after
Mustapha had conveyed the intelligence. Mustapha obeyed.
"In our country one wife is considered a man's allowance, and he is not to take more, that every Jack may have his Jill. I had spliced two, so they tried me, and sent me to Botany Bay for life."
This explanation puzzled the pacha. "How—what sort of a country must it be, when a man cannot have two wives? Inshallah! please the Lord, we may have hundreds in our harem! Does he not laugh at our beards with lies? Is this not all bosh, nothing?"
"It is even so, as the Frank speaketh," replied Mustapha. "The king of the country can take but one wife. Be chesm, on my eyes be it, if it is not the truth."
"Well," rejoined the pacha, "what are they but infidels? They deserve to have no more. Houris are for the faithful. May their fathers' graves be defiled. Let the Giaour proceed."
* * * * *
Well, I was started for the other side of the water, and got there safe enough, as I hope one day to get to Heaven, wind and weather permitting, but I had no idea of working without pay, so one fine morning I slipt away into the woods, where I remained with three or four more for six months. We lived upon kangaroos, and another odd little animal, and got on pretty well.
* * * * *
"What may the dish of kangaroos be composed of?" inquired Mustapha, in obedience to the pacha.
"'Posed of! why, a dish of kangaroos be made of kangaroos to be sure."
* * * * *
But I'll be dished if I talked about anything but the animal, which we had some trouble to kill; for it stands on its big tail, and fights with all four feet. Moreover, it be otherwise a strange beast; for its young ones pop out of its stomach, and then pop in again, having a place there on purpose, just like the great hole in the bow of a timber ship; and as for the other little animal, it swims in the ponds, lays eggs, and has a duck's bill, yet still it be covered all over with hair like a beast.
* * * * *
The vizier interpreted. "By the Prophet, but he laughs at our beards!" exclaimed the pacha, angrily. "These are foolish lies."
"You must not tell the pacha such foolish lies. He will be angry," said
Mustapha. "Tell lies, but they must be good lies."
"Well, I'll be——," replied the sailor, "if the old beggar don't doubt the only part which is true out of the whole yarn. Well, I will try another good un to please him."
* * * * *
After I had been there about six months I was tired; and as there was only twenty thousand miles between that country and my own, I determined to swim back.
* * * * *
"Mashallah! swim back—how many thousand miles?" exclaimed Mustapha.
"Only twenty thousand—a mere nothing."
* * * * *
So one fine morning I throws a young kangaroo on my shoulder, and off I starts. I swam for three months, night and day, and then feeling a little tired, I laid to on my back, and then I set off again; but by this time I was so covered with barnacles, that I made but little way. So I stopped at Ascension, scraped and cleaned myself, and then, after feeding for a week on turtle, just to keep the scurvy out of my bones, I set off again; and as I passed the Gut, I thought I might just as well put in here; and here I arrived, sure enough, yesterday, about three bells in the morning watch, after a voyage of five months and three days.
* * * * *
When Mustapha translated all this to the pacha, the latter was lost in astonishment. "Allah Wakbar! God is everywhere! Did you ever hear of such a swimmer? Twenty thousand miles—five months and three days. It is a wonderful story! Let his mouth be filled with gold."
Mustapha intimated to the sailor the unexpected compliment about to be conferred on him, just as he had finished the bottle and rolled it away on one side. "Well, that be a rum way of paying a man. I have heard it said that a fellow pursed up his mouth; but I never afore heard of a mouth being a purse. Howsomever, all's one for that; only, d'ye see, if you are about to stow it away in bulk, it may be just as well to get rid of the dunnage." The sailor put his thumb and forefinger into his cheek, and pulled out his enormous quid of tobacco. "There now, I'm ready, and don't be afraid of choking me." One of the attendants then thrust several pieces of gold into the sailor's mouth, who, spitting them all out into his hat, jumped on his legs, made a jerk of his head with a kick of the leg behind to the pacha; and declaring that he was the funniest old beggar he had ever fallen in with, nodded to Mustapha, and hastened out of the divan.
"Mashallah! but he swims well," said the pacha, breaking up the audience.
Chapter XVIII
The departure of the caravan was delayed for two or three days by the vizier upon various pretexts—although it was his duty to render it every assistance—that Menouni might afford further amusement to the pacha. Menouni was well content to remain, as the liberality of the pacha was not to be fallen in with every day, and the next evening he was again ushered into the sublime presence.
"Khosh amedeid! you are welcome," said the pacha, as Menouni made his low obeisance, "Now let us have another story. I don't care how long it is, only let us have no more princesses to be married. That Babe-bi-bobu was enough to tire the patience of a dervish."
"Your sublime highness shall be obeyed," replied Menouni. "Would it please you to hear the story of Yussuf, the Water carrier?"
"Yes, that sounds better. You may proceed."
THE WATER-CARRIER.
May it please your highness, it so happened that the great Haroun Alraschid was one night seized with one of those fits of sleepless melancholy with which it had pleased Allah to temper his splendid destiny, and which fits are, indeed, the common lot of those who are raised by fortune above the ordinary fears and vicissitudes of life.
* * * * *
"I can't say that I ever have them," observed the pacha. "How is that,
Mustapha?"
"Your highness has as undoubted a right to them as the great caliph," replied Mustapha, bowing; "but if I may venture to state my opinion," continued he, drawing down to the ear of the pacha, "you have discovered the remedy for them in the strong water of the Giaour."
"Very true," replied the pacha; "Haroun Alraschid, if I recollect right, was very strict in his observances of the precepts of the Koran. After all, he was but a pastek—a water-melon. You may proceed, Menouni."
* * * * *
The caliph, oppressed, as I before observed to your highness, with this fit of melancholy, despatched Mesrour for his chief vizier, Giaffar Bermukki, who, not unaccustomed to this nocturnal summons, speedily presented himself before the commander of the faithful. "Father of true believers! descendant of the Prophet!" said the minister, with a profound obeisance, "thy slave waits but to hear, and hears but to obey."
"Giaffar," replied the caliph, "I am overwhelmed with distressing inquietude, and would fain have thee devise some means for my relief. Speak—what sayest thou?"
"Hasten, O my prince, to thy favourite garden of the Tierbar, where, gazing on the bright moon, and listening to the voice of the bul-bul, you will await in pleasing contemplation the return of the sun."
"Not so," replied the caliph.
* * * * *
"By the beard of the Prophet! the caliph was right, and that Giaffar was a fool. I never heard that staring at the moon was an amusement before," observed the pacha.
* * * * *
"Not so," urged the caliph. "My gardens, my palaces, and my possessions, are no more to me a source of pleasure."
* * * * *
"By the sword of the Prophet! Now the caliph appears to be the fool," interrupted the pacha.
* * * * *
"Shall we then repair to the Hall of the Ancients, and pass the night in reviving the memory of the wise, whose sayings are stored therein?" continued Giaffar.
"Counsel avails not," replied the caliph; "the records of the past will not suffice to banish the cares of the present."
"Then," said the vizier, "will the light of the world seek refuge from his troubles in a disguise, and go forth with the humblest of his slaves to witness the condition of his people?"
"Thou hast said well," replied the caliph; "I will go with thee into the bazaar, and witness unknown the amusements of my people after the labours of the day."
Mesrour, the chief eunuch, was at hand, and hastened for the needful disguises. After having clad themselves as merchants of Moussul, and tinged their faces of an olive hue, the caliph, accompanied by Giaffar and Mesrour, the latter armed with a scimitar, issued forth from the secret door of the seraglio. Giaffar, who knew from experience the quarter likely to prove most fertile in adventure, led the caliph past the mosque of Zobeide, and crossing the Bridge of Boats over the Tigris, continued his way to that part of the city on the Mesopotamian side of the river which was inhabited by the wine-sellers and others, who administered to the irregularities, as well as to the wants of the good people of Bagdad. For a short time they wandered up and down without meeting anybody; but passing through a narrow alley, their steps were arrested by the sound of a most potent pair of lungs, carolling forth a jovial song. The caliph waited awhile, in expectation of its ceasing; but he might apparently have waited until dawn of day, for verse was poured forth after verse: a small interval between them filled up by the musical gurgling of liquor from a bottle, and the gulps of the votary of Bacchus. At length, his patience being exhausted, the caliph ordered Mesrour to knock loudly at the singer's dwelling. Hearing the noise, the fellow opened the jalouise, and came out into the verandah above. Looking down, and perceiving the three interrupters of his mirth, he bawled out—"What rascals are you that disturb an honest man at his devotions?—Begone!—fly!—away with you, scum of the earth!"
"Truly, charitable sir," replied Giaffar in a humble tone, "We are distressed merchants, strangers in this city, who have lost our way, and fear to be seized by the watch—perhaps carried before the cadi. We beseech thee, therefore, to admit us within thy doors, and Allah will reward thy humanity."
"Admit you within my doors!—not I, indeed. What, you wish to get into my house to gormandise and swill at my expense. Go—go!"
The caliph laughed heartily at this reply, and then called out to the man, "Indeed we are merchants, and seek but for shelter till the hour of prayer."
"Tell me, then," replied the man, "and mind you tell me the truth. Have you eaten and drunk your fill for the night?"
"Thanks and praise be to Allah, we have supped long since, and heartily," returned the caliph.
"Since that is the case, you may come up, but recollect it is upon one condition, that you bind yourselves not to open your lips whatever you may see me do; no matter whether it please you or not."
"What you desire is so reasonable," called out the caliph, "that we should be ignorant as Yaboos, if we did not at once comply."
The man gave one more scrutinising glance at the pretended merchants; and then, as if satisfied, descended and opened his door. The caliph and his attendants followed him up to his room, where they found a table laid out for supper, on which was a large pitcher of wine, half a roasted kid, a bottle of rakee, preserves, confections, and various kinds of fruit; odoriferous flowers were also on the table, and the lighting up of the room was brilliant. The host, immediately on their entering, tossed off a bumper of wine, as if to make up for the time he had lost, and pointing to a corner, bade the intruders to sit down there, and not to disturb him any more. He commenced his solitary feast, and after another bumper of wine, as if tired of his own company, he gruffly demanded, "Where do you fellows come from, and whither are you going?"
"Sir," replied Giaffar, who had been whispering with the caliph, "we are merchants of Moussul, who have been to an entertainment at the country seat of a khan of Bagdad. We feasted well, and left our friend just as the day closed in. Whereupon we lost our way, and found ourselves in this street; hearing the musical accents of your voice, we exclaimed, 'Are not those notes delightful?—one who has so sweet a voice must be equally sweet in disposition. Let us entreat the hospitality of our brother for the remainder of the night, and in the morning we will depart in peace.'"
"I do not believe a word that you have said, you ill-looking thief. You are spies or thieves, who would profit by getting into people's houses at unseasonable hours. You, barrel-stomach, you with whiskers like a bear," continued he to the vizier, "hang me if ever I saw such a rascally face as yours; and you, you black-faced nigger, keep the whites of your eyes off my supper-table, or by Allah I'll send you all to Jehanum. I see you are longing to put your fingers on the kid: but if you do, I've a bone-softener, which, by the blessed Prophet, shall break every bone in your three skins." So saying the man, taking a large cudgel from the corner of the room, laid it by the dish of kid, into which he then plunged his fingers, and commenced eating heartily.
"Giaffar," said the caliph, in an undertone, "contrive to find out who this ferocious animal may be, and how he contrives to live so merrily?"
"In the name of Allah, let us leave him alone," replied Giaffar, in a fright, "for should he strike us on the head with that cudgel, we should be despatched without anyone being the wiser."
"Pish! fear nothing," replied the caliph. "Ask him boldly his name and trade."
"Oh, my Commander," replied Giaffar, "to hear is but to obey, yet do I quake most grievously at the threats of this villainous fellow. I entreat thee that I may defer the questions until wine shall have softened down his temper."
"Thou cowardly vizier. Must I then interrogate him myself?" replied the caliph.
"Allah forbid," replied Giaffar; "I will myself encounter the wrath of this least of dogs, may his grave be defiled."
During this parley, their host, who had become more good-humoured in his cups, cast his eyes upon them.
"What in the name of Shitan, are you chaps prating and chatting about?" inquired he.
Giaffar, perceiving him in a more favourable mood, seized the occasion to speak. "Most amiable and charitable sir," replied he, "we were talking of your great liberality and kindness in thus permitting us to intrude upon your revels. We only request, in the name of friendship, the name and profession of so worthy a Mussulman, that we may remember him in our prayers."
"Why, thou impudent old porpus; did you not promise to ask no questions?
In the name of friendship! Truly it is of long standing."
"Still I pray Allah that it may increase. Have we not sat a considerable time in your blessed presence—have you not given us refuge? All we now ask is the name and profession of one so amiable and so kind-hearted?"
"Enough," replied the host, pacified with the pretended humility of the vizier. "Silence, and listen. Do you see that skin which hangs over my head?" The caliph and his companions looked up and perceived the tanned skin of a young ox, which appeared to have been used for carrying water. "It is that by which I gain my daily bread. I am Yussuf, son of Aboo Ayoub, who dying some five years ago, left me nothing but a few dirhems and this strong carcass of mine, by which to gain a livelihood. I was always fond of sports and pastimes—overthrew everybody who wrestled with me; nay, the man who affronts me, receives a box on the ear which makes it ring for a week afterwards."
"Allah preserve us from affronting him!" whispered the caliph.
"When old Aboo died, I perceived, if I did not speedily turn my strength to some account, I should starve; so it struck me that there were no people more merry than the water-carriers, who supply for a few paras to the houses of this city the soft water of the river. I resolved to become one, but instead of going backwards and forwards with a goatskin on my shoulders, I went down to the curriers, and selected the soft skin of the young ox which hangs above me, fitted it to my shoulders, and filling it at the river, marched up to the bazaar. No sooner did I appear than all the water-carriers called out, 'That villain, Yussuf, is about to take away our bread. May Shitan seize him. Let us go to the cadi and complain.' The cadi listened to their story, for they accused me of witchcraft, saying that no five men could lift the skin when it was full. He sent one of his beeldars to summon me before him. I had just filled my skin at the river, when the officer came from this distributor of bastinadoes. I followed him to the court, laden as I was. The crowd opened to let me pass, and I appeared before the cadi, who was much astonished at my showing so little inconvenience from such an enormous burthen. 'Oh! Yussuf,' cried he, 'hear and answer; thou art accused of witchcraft.' 'Who accuses me, O cadi?' replied I, throwing down my skin of water. Whereupon two hang-dogs stepped forward, and cried with loud voices, 'Behold us here, O wise and just one.' The cadi put one aside, and questioned the other, who swore on the book that the devil had given me a pig's skin and had promised that as long as I served the followers of the Prophet out of the unclean vessel, he would enable me to carry as much as ten men. The second witness confirmed this evidence; and added, that he heard me talking with the devil, who offered to turn himself into a yaboo, and carry water for me, which I had civilly declined, for what reason he knew not, as he did not hear the rest of the conversation.
"At this evidence, the cadi and mollahs who sat with him, turned up their eyes with horror, and proceeded to discuss the degree of punishment which so enormous a crime deserved, quite forgetting to ask me if I had anything to offer in my defence. At last they settled that, as a commencement, I should receive five hundred bastinadoes on the soles of my feet, and if I lived, about as many more on my belly. The cadi was about to pronounce his irrevocable fetva, when I took the liberty of interrupting this rapid course of justice. 'O cadi,' said I, 'and ye, mollahs, whose beards drop wisdom, let your slave offer, at the footstool of justice, the precious proofs of innocence.' 'Produce them quickly, then, thou wedded to Shitan and Jehanum,' replied the cadi. Whereupon I loosened the string which attached the mouth, and allowed all the water to run out of the skin. I then turned the skin inside out, and showing to them the horns of the young ox, which fortunately I had not cut off, I demanded of the cadi and of the mollahs if any of them had ever seen a pig with horns. At this they every one fell a laughing, as if I had uttered a cream of a joke. My innocence was declared, and my two accusers had the five hundred bastinadoes shared between them. The water-carriers were too much alarmed at the result of this attempt, to attack me any more, and the true believers, from the notoriety of the charge, and my acquittal of having rendered them unclean, from the use of swinish skin, all sought my custom. In short, I have only to fill my skin, to empty it again, and I daily realise so handsome an income, that I have thrown care to the dogs, and spend in jollity every night what I have worked hard for every day. As soon as the muezzin calls to evening prayers, I lay aside my skin, betake myself to the mosque, perform my ablutions, and return thanks to Allah. After which I repair to the bazaar, purchase meat with one dirhem, rakee with another, others go for fruit and flowers, cakes, sweetmeats, bread, oil for my lamps, and the remainder I spend in wine. As soon as all is collected, I arrive at my own house, put everything in order, light up my lamps and enjoy myself after my own fashion. So now you know all I choose to tell you, and whether you are merchants or spies in disguise, I care not. Be satisfied and depart, for the dawn is here."
The caliph, who had been much amused with Yussuf's account of himself, replied, "In truth, you are a wonderful man, and it must be allowed that, in separating yourself from your fellows, you escape many troubles and inconveniences."
"Ay," replied Yussuf; "thus have I lived for five years. Every night has my dwelling been lighted up as you see it, and my fortunate stars have never suffered me to go without meat and drink, such as you three now smell and long for, but shall not put your fingers to."
"But, friend Yussuf," observed Giaffar, "suppose that to-morrow, the caliph should issue a decree, putting an end to the trade of supplying with water, and declare that whoever was found with a skin-full should be hanged. In such a case, what would you do? You could not light up your lamps; you could not enjoy your kabobs and pillau, neither would you be able to purchase fruits, sweetmeats, or a drop of wine."
"May Shitan seize your unlucky soul, you tun-bellied beast of ill-omen! for the bare supposition of such a thing; depart—depart quickly, and never let me see you again."
"My good friend, Yussuf, I did but jest; five years, as you observe, have passed away without a day's intermission of your enjoyment, nor is it probable that the caliph will ever issue such a ridiculous and unheard-of decree. I only observed, that supposing he did, what could you do, never leaving a single asper for the next day's provision?"
At the repetition of the vizier's speech, Yussuf became highly exasperated. "You dare to repeat to me your unlucky words and ill-omens,—and you ask me what I would do! Now hear me: by the beard of the Prophet, should the caliph issue such a decree, with this good cudgel I will search all Bagdad, until I find you all. You, and you," continued Yussuf, looking fiercely at the caliph and the vizier, "I will beat until you are as black as he is (pointing to Mesrour), and him I will cudgel until he is as white as the flesh of the kid I have been regaling on. Depart at once, you shall no longer pollute my roof."
The caliph was so much diverted with the anger of Yussuf, and yet in such dread of showing it, that he was obliged to thrust the end of his robe into his mouth, as they walked out under a shower of curses from the water-carrier.
* * * * *
"By the sword of the Prophet, but they were well out of this scrape!" observed the pacha. "May the grave of the rascal's mother be defiled! to offer to cudgel the vice-regent of the Prophet."
"The caliph was in disguise, and Yussuf knew him not," replied
Mustapha.
"Those who threaten me in disguise, will find that no excuse, we swear by our beard," replied the pacha. "Proceed Menouni."
* * * * *
It was daylight before the great Haroun re-entered the secret gate of the seraglio, and retired to his couch. After a short slumber he arose, performed his ablutions, and proceeded to the divan, where he found the principal officers of his court, the viziers, omras, and grandees, assembled to receive him; his imagination, however, still dwelt upon the events of the preceding night, and after the ordinary business of the day had been transacted, and the petitioners who attended had been dismissed, he called for his grand vizier, who presented himself with the customary obeisances.
"Giaffar," said the caliph, "issue a decree to the governor of the city that it be proclaimed throughout the streets of Bagdad, that no person whatever, shall, for the space of three days, carry water from the river to the bazaars for sale, and that whoever trespasses shall be hanged."
The governor, Khalid ben Talid, immediately that he received the fetva, took the proper measures to have it promulgated. Heralds were despatched throughout the various quarters of the city, who proclaimed the will of the caliph. The people wondered, but submitted.
Yussuf, who had performed his morning devotions, had reached the banks of the Tigris, and just filled, and hoisted on his shoulders, his ox-skin of water, when the appearance of one of the heralds attracted his attention; he listened to the legal proclamation, and let down his ox-skin with a curse upon all merchants of Moussul.
"Confusion to the scoundrels, who last night prophesied such an unlucky event! If I could but lay hands upon them!" exclaimed Yussuf. "They did but hint it, and behold, it is done."
Whilst Yussuf was thus lamenting over his empty water-skin, some of the other water-carriers came up, and began to console him after the fashion of Job's comforters.
"Surely," said one, "you need not be troubled at this edict, you gain more than any five of us every day, and you have no wife nor child to provide for. But I, wretched man that I am, will have the misery of beholding my wife and children starving before the expiration of the three days."
Another said, "Be comforted, Yussuf, three days will soon pass away, and then you will relish your kabobs and your rakee, your sweetmeats and your wine, with greater pleasure, having been so long deprived of them."
"Besides," added a third, "you must not forget, Yussuf, that the prophet has declared that a man is eternally damned, body and soul, who is constantly drunk as you are."
These observations kindled Yussuf's bile to that degree, that he was nearly venting his spleen upon his sarcastic consolers. He turned away, however, in his rage, and throwing his empty skin over his shoulders, proceeded slowly towards the mosque of Zobeide, cursing as he went along, all Moussul merchants down to the fiftieth generation. Passing the great baths, he was accosted by one of the attendants with whom he was intimate, who inquired, why he was so depressed in spirits.
"That cold-blooded caliph of ours, Haroun Alraschid, has put an end to my earnings for three days, by threatening to hang any water-carrier who shall carry his load to the bazaar. You know, my friend, that I never have put by a single para, and I fear that in three days my carcase will become shrivelled with famine, and dried up for the want of a cup of rakee."
"Which thou hast often divided with me before now," replied the other; "so even now will I divide my work with you, Yussuf. Follow me, if you do not object to the employment, which requires little more than strength, and, by Allah, you have that, and to spare. Surely, upon a pinch like this, you can take up a hair-bag, and a lump of soap, and scrub and rub the bodies of the true believers. Those hands of yours, so enormous and so fleshy, are well calculated to knead the muscles and twist the joints of the faithful. Come, you shall work with us during these three days at the hummaum, and then you can return to your old business."
"Thy words of comfort penetrate deep into my bosom," replied Yussuf, "and I follow thee."
The bath-rubber then took him in, bound an apron round his waist, and lent him a bag, three razors, pumice-stone for scrubbing the soles of the feet, a hair bag, and a sponge. Having caparisoned and furnished him with implements, he led Yussuf into the apartment where was the reservoir of hot water, and desired him to wait for a customer. Yussuf had not long sat down on the edge of the marble bath, when he was summoned to perform his duties on a hadji who, covered with dust and dirt, had evidently just returned from a tedious pilgrimage.
Yussuf set to work with spirit; seizing the applicant with one hand, he stripped him with the other, and first operated upon the shaven crown with his razor. The hadji was delighted with the energy of his attendant. Having scraped his head as clean as he could with an indifferent razor, Yussuf then soaped and lathered, scrubbed and sponged the skin of the pilgrim, until it was as smooth and glossy as the back of a raven. He then wiped him dry, and taking his seat upon the backbone of his customer, he pinched and squeezed all his flesh, thumped his limbs, twisted every joint till they cracked like faggots in a blaze, till the poor hadji was almost reduced to a mummy by the vigour of the water-carrier, and had just breath enough in his body to call out, "Cease, cease, for the love of Allah—I am dead, I am gone." Having said this, the poor man fell back nearly senseless. Yussuf was very much alarmed; he lifted up the man, poured warm water over him, wiped him dry, and laid him on the ottoman to repose, covering him up. The hadji fell into a sound slumber, and in half an hour awoke so refreshed and revived, that he declared himself quite a new man.
"It is only to hadjis," observed Yussuf, "that I give this great proof of my skill."
The man put his hand into his pocket, pulled out three dirhems, and presented them to Yussuf, who was astounded at such liberality, and again expressing his satisfaction, the hadji left the hummaum. Delighted with his success, Yussuf continued his occupation, and attended with alacrity every fresh candidate for his joint-twisting skill. By the time that evening prayers commenced, he had kneaded to mummies half a dozen more true believers, and had received his six dirhems, upon which he determined to leave off for that day.
Having left the bath, he dressed himself, went home, took his leathern pitcher, dish, and basket, and went to the bazaar, where he purchased a piece of mutton, and left it at the most noted kabob-makers in the district to be cooked; he then purchased his wine and rakee, wax tapers, and flowers, pistachio-nuts, dried fruit, bread, and oil for his lamps. When he had completed his purchases he called at the cook's shop, where he found his mutton nicely kabobed, and smoking in the dish. Paying the cook, and putting it into his basket, he hastened home over the bridge of boats, exulting in his good fortune. When he arrived, he swept out his room, dressed himself in better clothes, lighted his lamps, spread out his table, and then squatted himself down, with his legs twisted under him, and tossing off a bumper of wine, he exclaimed, "Well, I am lucky; nevertheless, here's confusion to all Moussul merchants, with their vile omens. Allah send their unlucky footsteps here to-night—that's all."
* * * * *
Here Menouni stopped, and made his salaam. "May it please your highness to permit your slave to retire for the night, for the tale of Yussuf, the water-carrier, cannot be imparted to your highness in one evening."
The pacha, although much amused, was also a little tired. "Be it so, good Menouni, but recollect, Mustapha, that the caravan must not depart until I hear the end of this story."
"Be chesm, on my eyes be it," replied Mustapha; and they all retired for the night.
"What is the cause?" demanded the pacha, hastily, as next day Mustapha listened with apparent patience to the long details of one of the petitioners for justice.
"It is, O lord of wisdom, a dispute between these men, as to a sum of money, which they received as guides to a Frank, who journeyed into the interior. The one was hired for the journey, but not being well acquainted with the road, called in the assistance of the other; they now dispute about the division of the money, which lies at my feet in this bag."
"It appears that the one who was hired did not know the way."
"Even so," replied Mustapha.
"Then he was no guide, and doth not deserve the money. And the other, it appears, was called in to assist?"
"Thy words are the words of wisdom," replied Mustapha.
"Then was he not a guide, but only an assistant; neither can he be entitled to the money, as guide. By the beard of the Prophet, justice must not be fooled thus, and the divan, held in our presence, be made foolish by such complaints. Let the money be distributed among the poor, and let them each have fifty bastinadoes on the soles of the feet. I have said it."
"Wallah Thaib—it is well said," replied Mustapha, as the two disputants were removed from the presence.
"Now call Menouni," said the pacha, "for I am anxious to hear the story of Yussuf, and the future proceedings of the caliph; and a part of this bag of money will reward him for the honey which falls from his lips."
Menouni made his appearance, and his obeisance; the pacha and Mustapha received their pipes from the Greek slave, and the Kessehgou then proceeded with his story.
* * * * *
The great caliph, Haroun Alraschid, had as usual held his afternoon audience; the court was dismissed. Haroun, whose whole thoughts were upon the bankrupt condition of Yussuf, and who was anxious to know how he had got on after the fetva had been promulgated, sent for his vizier, Giaffar. "I wish to ascertain," said the caliph to the vizier, "if the unlucky Yussuf has managed to provide for his bacchanalian revels to-night?"
"There can be no doubt, O vice-regent of the Prophet," replied Giaffar, "that the young man is seated in the dark, in a most dismal mood, without either wine or kabob, or aught to comfort him."
"Send for Mesrour, then; we will again resume our disguises, and pay him a visit."
"Let the humblest of your slaves," interposed Giaffar, in a great fright, "represent at the footstool of your highness a true picture of what we may anticipate. Doubtless this lion-slayer of Shitan, being famished, will not forget our prophecy, and ascribing its fulfilment to our bad omens, will, in his mood, sacrifice us to his empty stomach.
"Your wisdom is great, Giaffar," replied the caliph; "the man is truly a savage, and doubtless will rage with hunger, nevertheless, we will go and see in what state he may be."
Giaffar trembled at the idea of being subjected to the wrath of such a fellow as Yussuf, but made no reply. He went for Mesrour and the dresses, and having put them on, they all three issued forth from the private gate of the seraglio. They had nearly reached the end of the narrow lane in which Yussuf's house was situated, when the strong reflection of the lights from the windows told them that, at all events, he was not lamenting his hard fate in darkness; and as they approached, the sound of his jovial voice proved also that it was neither in silence that he submitted to his destiny. As they came under the window, he ceased singing, and ejaculated a loud curse upon all Moussul merchants, wishing that he might only see them once again before the devil had them. The caliph laughed at this pious wish, and taking up a handful of pebbles, threw them at the jalousies of Yussuf's windows.
"Who the devil is there?" roared the water-carrier; "is it you, ye bankrupt vagabonds, who have annoyed me? Begone, or by the sword of the Prophet, I'll impale you all three on my broomstick."
"Dost thou not know us, Yussuf?" replied the caliph; "we are your friends, and once more request admission under thy hospitable roof."
Yussuf came out into the verandah. "Oh! it is you, then; now take my advice,—go in peace. I am now in good humour, and peaceably disposed; but had I fallen in with you to-day, I would have twisted off your necks."
"Nay, good Yussuf," replied Giaffar, "we have heard of the unaccountable and mad decree of the caliph, and have called to know how thou hast fared, and if we can be of service to one so hospitable and kind."
"You lie, I believe," replied Yussuf; "but I'm in good humour, so you shall come in, and see how well I fare. I am Yussuf, and my trust is in God." He then went down and admitted them, and they viewed with surprise the relics of the feast. "Now, then," observed Yussuf, who was more than half drunk, "you know my conditions; there is my meat, there is my wine, there is my fruit; not a drop or a taste shall you have. Keep your confounded sharp eyes off my sweetmeats, you black-bearded rascal," continued Yussuf, addressing the caliph. "You have your share of them."
"Indeed, most hospitable sir, we covet not your delicacies: all we wish to know is the reason of this unheard of decree, and how you have contrived to supply your usual merry table."
"You shall hear," replied the water-carrier. "My name is Yussuf, and my trust is in God. When the decree of the caliph came to my ears this morning, I became as one deprived of sense; but wandering near the hummaum of Giaffar Bermuki, a friendly servant of the baths accosted me." Yussuf then stated how he had gained his money, much to their amusement. "Now," continued he, "I will no longer be a water-carrier, but an attendant at the bath will I live and die. May all evil fall upon the cold-blooded caliph; but thanks to Allah, it never will enter his head to shut up the baths."
"But," observed Giaffar, "suppose the caliph were to-morrow morning to take it into his head to shut up the baths."
"Now, may all the ghouls seize thee when thou visitest thy father's tomb," cried Yussuf, jumping up in a fury, "thou bear-whiskered rascal! Did not I caution thee against evil predictions—and did you not swear that you would deal no more in surmises? The devil must attend you, and waft your supposes into the ear of the caliph, upon which to frame out his stupid fetvas."
"I heartily ask your forgiveness, and I am dumb," replied Giaffar.
"Then you are wise for once; prove yourself still wise, and hasten away before I reach my cudgel."
Perceiving that Yussuf's eyes twinkled with anger, they thought it right to follow his advice. "We shall see you again, good Yussuf," said the caliph, as they descended.
"To the devil with you all three, and never let me see your ugly faces again," replied the water-carrier, slamming the door after they were out. The caliph went away much amused, and with his attendants, entered the private gate of the seraglio.
The next morning the caliph held a solemn divan, at which all the mollahs, as well as all the chief officers, were present, and he issued a decree, that every bath throughout Bagdad should be shut for three days, on pain of impalement. The inhabitants of Bagdad were swallowed up with wonder and perplexity. "How," exclaimed they, "what can this mean? Yesterday we were ordered not to use the waters of the Tigris, to-day the baths are denied us. Perhaps, to-morrow the mosques may be ordered to be shut up," and they shook their heads, as if to hint to each other that the caliph was not in his senses; but they exclaimed, "In Allah only safety is to be found." Nevertheless, the decree was enforced by the proper officers, who went round to the different baths. First they closed the Hummaum Alraschid, next that of Ziet Zobiede, then the bath of Giaffar Bermuki, at which Yussuf had found employment the day before. When it was closed, the master and attendants looked at the door, and they reproached the assistants, who had befriended Yussuf, saying, he was a water-carrier, and the business was stopped by a decree. You have brought him to the baths, and now they are shut. In the meantime, Yussuf was perceived striding towards the bath, muttering to himself, "I am Yussuf; my trust is in God. As an assistant at the hummaum will I live and die." Ignorant of the decree, he approached the door of the building, round which the servants were clustered, and accosted them. "How now, my friends, do you wait for the key? if anything ails the lock, trust to the strength of Yussuf."
"Have you not heard that the caliph has ordered the baths to be shut for three days, on pain of impalement?"
Yussuf started back with astonishment. "Now, may the graves of their fathers be eternally defiled—those confounded Moussul Merchants! Their supposes always come to pass. I will seek them out and be revenged." So saying, Yussuf, who had come prepared with his brushes, razors, and soap, turned off in a rage, and hastened through the streets for an hour or two, looking at every passenger, to ascertain if he could find those upon whom he would have wreaked his vengeance.