After a long walk, Yussuf sat down on a large stone. "Well," said he, "I am still Yussuf, and my trust is in God; but it would be better, instead of looking after these rascals, if I were to look out for some means of providing myself with a supper to-night." So saying, he rose, went home, put on some clothes of better materials, and twisting up his red cotton sash for a turban, he took up his praying-carpet, with a determination to go to the bazaar and sell it for what it would fetch. As he passed the mosque of Hosein, he observed several mollahs, reading and expounding the more abstruse passages of the Koran. Yussuf knelt and prayed awhile, and returning to the door of the mosque he was accosted by a woman, who appeared to be waiting for some one. "Pious sir," said she, "I perceive by your goodly habit and appearance that you are one of the cadi's law officers."
"I am as you please—I am Yussuf, and my trust is in God."
"Oh! my hadji, then become my protector. I have an unjust debtor who refuses me my due."
"You cannot intrust a better person," replied Yussuf. "I am a strong arm of the law, and my interest at court is such that I have already procured two decrees."
"Those are great words, O hadji."
"Tell me, then, who is this debtor, that I may seize him and carry him before the cadi. Haste to tell me, and for a few dirhems I will gain your cause, right or wrong."
"My complaint is against my husband, who has divorced me, and notwithstanding, refuses me my dowry of five dinars, my clothes, and my ornaments."
"What is your husband's trade?"
"Pious sir, he is an embroiderer of papouches."
"Let us lose no time, my good woman; show me this miracle of injustice, and by Allah, I will confound him."
Upon this the woman unbound the string of coins from her head, and cutting off three dirhems, presented them to Yussuf. Yussuf seized the money, and tucking up his sleeves, that he might appear more like an officer he bade her to lead to the delinquent. The woman led him to the great mosque, where her husband, a little shrivelled-up man, was performing his duties with great devotion. Yussuf, without saying a word, took him up, carpet and all, and was about to carry him off.
"In the name of the Prophet, to what class of madmen do you belong?" screamed the astonished devotee.
"Release me; do not crush my poor ribs within your grasp. Set me down, and I will walk with you, as soon as I have put on slippers."
The people crowded round to know what was the matter. "Ho, ho, that will presently appear," replied Yussuf. "His wife is his creditor, and I am her law officer; my demand is, that you restore to her fifty dinars, besides all the gold jewels and ornaments she has had these last fifty years."
"How can that be," replied the little man, "seeing that I am not forty years old?"
"That may be the case in fact," replied Yussuf; "but law is a very difficult thing, as you will find out. So come along with me to the cadi."
The party then proceeded on their way to the cadi, but they had not gone many yards, when the papouche-maker whispered to Yussuf, "Most valiant and powerful sir, I quarrelled with my wife last night, on account of her unreasonable jealousy. I did pronounce the divorce, but there was no one to hear. If we slept together once more, she would be pacified. Therefore, most humane sir, I entreat you to interfere."
"Was there no witness?" inquired Yussuf.
"None, good sir," replied the man, slipping five direhms into the hand of Yussuf.
"Then I decide that there is no divorce," replied Yussuf, pocketing the money, "and therefore you are no debtor. Woman, come hither. It appears that there was no divorce—so says your husband—and you have no witness to prove it. You are therefore no creditor. Go to your husband, and walk home with him; he is not much of a husband, to be sure, but still he must be cheap at the three dirhems which you have paid me. God be with you. Such is my decree."
The woman, who had already repented of her divorce, was glad to return, and with many compliments, they took their leave of him. "By Allah!" exclaimed Yussuf, "but this is good. I will live and die an officer of the law." So saying he returned home for his basket, purchased his provisions and wine, and lighting up his house, passed the evening in carousing and singing as before.
While Yussuf was thus employed, the caliph was desirous of ascertaining the effect of the new decree, relative to the baths. "Giaffar," said he, "I wonder whether I have succeeded in making that wine-bibber go to bed supperless? Come, let us pay him a visit."
"For the sake of Islam, O caliph," replied Giaffar, "let us forbear to trifle with that crackbrained drunkard any more. Already has Allah delivered us out of his hands. What may we not expect if he is hungry and desolate?"
"Your wisdom never grows less," replied the caliph; "those are the words of truth: nevertheless, I must go and see the madman once more."
Giaffar, not being able to prevail, prepared the dresses, and they, accompanied by Mesrour, again sallied forth by the private gate of the seraglio. Once more were they surprised at witnessing the same illumination of the house, and one of the jalousies having burst open with the wind, they perceived the shadow of Yussuf, reflected on the wall, his beard wagging over his kabobs, and a cup of wine in his hand.
"Who is there?" cried Yussuf, when Giaffar, at the command of the caliph, knocked at the door.
"Your friends, dear Yussuf—your friends, the Moussul merchants. Peace be with you."
"But it's neither peace nor welcome to you, you owls," replied Yussuf, walking out into the verandah. "By Allah! if you do not walk away, and that quickly, I shall come down to you with my bone polisher."
"Indeed, friend Yussuf," replied Giaffar, "we have but two words to say to you."
"Say them quickly, then, for you enter not my doors again, you wretched fellows, who have ruined all the water-carriers and all the bath-people in Bagdad."
"What is that you mean?" replied the caliph; "we are lost in mystery."
"What!" replied Yussuf: "have you not heard the decree of this morning?"
"Gentle sir, we have been so busy sorting our wares, that we have not stepped out this day, and are ignorant of all that hath passed in Bagdad."
"Then you shall come up and learn; but first swear by Moses, Esau, and the Prophet, that you will not suppose, for all you have imagined has proved as true as if it had been engraven on the ruby seal of Solomon."
These conditions were readily accepted by the caliph and his companions, and they were then admitted upstairs, where they found everything disposed in the usual order, and the same profusion. When they had taken their seats in the corner of the room, Yussuf said, "Now my guests, as you hope for pardon, tell me, do you know nothing of what has happened to me this day—and what the blockhead of a caliph has been about?" Haroun and the vizier could with difficulty restrain their laughter, as they shook their heads. "Yes," continued Yussuf, "that vicegerent of a tattered beard, and more tattered understanding, has issued a decree for closing the baths for three days, by which cruel ordinance, I was again cast adrift upon the sea of necessity. However, Providence stood my friend, and threw a few dirhems in my way, and I have made my customary provision in spite of the wretch of a caliph, who I fully believe is an atheist and no true believer."
"Inshallah," said the caliph to himself, "but I'll be even with you some day, at least."
Yussuf then filled his cup several times, and was in high glee, as he narrated the events of the day, concluding with, "I am Yussuf—I put my trust in God. As an officer of the law I intend to live and die, and to-morrow I shall attend the hall of the cadi."
"But," said Giaffar, "suppose——"
"Suppose! by the beard of the Prophet, if you dare to suppose again in my presence, I will pound your fat stomach into a jelly," cried Yussuf, seizing his cudgel.
"No, no, my friend, I merely wished to say——"
"Say nothing," roared Yussuf, "or you never speak again."
"Then we will only think, my friend."
"That I will allow, and I also think as well as you. My thoughts are, that it will be wise for you to quit as fast as you can, for I have the cudgel in my hand, and am not in the very best of humours." The caliph and his attendants were of the same opinion, and took their leave of their irritated host.
At the next morning's levee, Giaffar entered the divan at the head of the chief officers of the law, and viziers of the different departments, prostrating himself before the throne, he called down increase of years and prosperity on the caliph. "Giaffar," replied Haroun, "issue immediate orders, under the imperial firmaum, that strict inquiries be made into those officers of justice who attend the halls of the cadis. All those who have been lawfully selected shall be retained, with a present and increase of salary, while those who have assumed their name and office, without warranty or permission, shall be dismissed with the bastinado."
The orders of the caliph were immediately obeyed. In the meantime, Yussuf, who had fallen asleep over his wine, did not awaken till long after the sun was up. He immediately rose, dressed himself with care, and hastened to the hall of the cadi, and took his station among the officers of the law, who looked at him with surprise and displeasure. At this moment the caliph's firmaum was delivered to the cadi, who, lifting it up to his forehead, in token of respect and obedience, caused it to be read to him. He then cried with a loud voice, "Bring in purses of gold, and let also the fellah and rods for the bastinado be brought in. Close up the gates of the cutchery, that none escape; and ye officers of justice, be ready to answer as your names are called." Yussuf, whose eyes were wide open, as well as his ears, said to himself, "My God! what new event is now to come to pass?"
The orders of the cadi having been obeyed, the officers were severally called forward, and having proved themselves regularly appointed, received their rewards, and were dismissed. Yussuf's ideas were so confused by what appeared to him such an unmitigated destiny, that he did not perceive that he was left standing alone. It was not until the second time that the cadi called to him, that Yussuf moved towards him.
"Who are you?" inquired the cadi.
"I am Yussuf, and my trust is in God," replied he.
"What is your profession?"
"I am a water-carrier."
"Such being the case, why did you join the officers of the law?"
"I only entered upon the calling yesterday, O cadi; but nothing is difficult to me. Provided I gain but my six dirhems a day, I have no objection to become a mollah."
The cadi and bystanders were unable to restrain their mirth, nevertheless, his feet were secured to the pole; and when hoisted up, they commenced the bastinado, taking care, however, to strike the pole much oftener than his toes. Having finished, he was released, and turned out of the hall of justice, very much mortified and melancholy, but little hurt by the gentle infliction. "Well," thought Yussuf, "fate appears determined that I shall change my mode of gaining my livelihood every day. Had I not allowed those Moussul rascals to enter my house, this never would have happened."
As he said this, he perceived one of the beeldars, or officers of the caliph's household, pass by him. "That would be a nice office," thought Yussuf, "and the caliph does not count his people like the cadi. It requires but an impudent swagger, and you are taken upon your own representation." Accordingly, nowise disheartened, and determined to earn his six dirhems, he returned home, squeezed his waist into as narrow a compass as he could, gave his turban a smart cock, washed his hands, and took a peeled almond-wand in his hand. He was proceeding down stairs, when he recollected that it was necessary to have a sword, and he had only a scabbard, which he fixed in his belt, and cutting a piece of palm-wood into the shape of a sword, he fixed it in, making the handle look smart with some coloured pieces of cotton and silk, which he sewed with packthread. Thus marched he out, swaggering down the streets, and swinging his twig of almond-tree in his hand. As he strutted along everyone made way for him, imagining him to be one of those insolent retainers of office who are supported by the great khans. Thus he continued a straight course, until he arrived at the market-place, where a multitude was assembled round two men, who were fighting desperately. Yussuf pressed forward, the crowd making way for him on both sides, either taking him for an officer of the household, or dreading the force of his nervous and muscular proportions. When he reached the combatants, they were covered with dirt and blood, and engaged so furiously, that no one dared separate them. Yussuf, perceiving the dread which he inspired, and that he was taken, as he wished to be, for a beeldar, first clapped his hand to the handle of his pretended sword, and then struck the combatants several sharp blows with his almond stick, and thus induced them to leave off fighting. The sheick, or head of the bazaar, then approached Yussuf, and making an obeisance, presented him with six dirhems, with a prayer that he would seize the culprits, and carry them before the caliph for punishment, as disturbers of the public peace.
Yussuf, securing the money in his girdle, seized up the two combatants, and carrying one under each arm, walked off with them. A great crowd followed, with many prayers for the release of the prisoners; but Yussuf turned a deaf ear, until another six dirhems were dropped into his vest, with a prayer for mercy. Upon this Yussuf consented to release them, and walked away, hardly able to contain his exultation. "I am Yussuf," cried he, "and I trust in God. As a beeldar will I live and die. By Allah! I will go to the palace, and see how it fares with my brother beeldars."
Now there were thirty beeldars in the service of the caliph, who attended the palace in rotation, ten each day. On reaching the court of the palace, Yussuf took his station where the ten beeldars on duty were collected together. He observed, however, that they were very different from himself, very slight young men, and dressed in a very superior style. He felt some contempt for their effeminate appearance, contrasted with his own muscular frame, but could not keep his eyes off their handsome and stylish dress. Meanwhile, the chief of the beeldars perceived him, and knowing that he did not belong to the palace, imagined from his appearance, and his presenting himself among them, that he must be one in the service of one of the great omrahs who were at Bagdad, who, having nothing to do at home, had come as a visitor to the palace. He remarked this to his brother beeldars, saying, "This fine-built stranger ought to be considered as our guest. Let us show him all courtesy, for he is of our profession, and therefore we shall not do ourselves credit, if we do not prove that we have the power to serve him." The other beeldars agreeing with him, the chief went to the secretary of the treasury, and procured an order of notice upon a rich confectioner, to pay into the treasury the sum of five thousand dirhems, due by him upon several accounts therein specified. The vizier's seal having been attached to it, he went with it to where Yussuf was standing. "What, ho! brother beeldar," said the chief.
"I am Yussuf, and my trust is in God; I am ready to obey your commands," said the water-carrier, advancing with great humility.
"May I request, brother beeldar, that you will do us of the palace, the very great favour to carry this paper, bearing the vizier's seal, to Mallem Osman, the great confectioner, and request the immediate payment of five thousand dirhems. You know your profession; of course the money is not expected, but whatever he may offer for your affording him a respite, put down to the friendship and good will of the beeldars of the palace, and remember us when you feast in your own dwelling."
Yussuf, highly delighted, put the order into his cap, made a low salaam, and departed on his message. Deeming it beneath his new-fledged dignity to walk, he mounted one of the asses ready for hire at the corner of the streets, ordering the driver to hasten before to clear the way, and ascertain which was the dwelling of the confectioner. The house of Mallem Osman was soon discovered, for he was the most celebrated of his trade, and had an immense business. Yussuf rode up on the beast, which was not half as large as himself, and stopped at the shop, where the confectioner was superintending his work-people. "I am Yussuf, and my trust is in God," said Yussuf, looking at the confectioner. The confectioner heeded him not, when Yussuf strutted into the shop. "I merely wait upon you, good Mallem Osman, to request that you will immediately repair to the palace, carrying with you five bags, each containing one thousand dirhems, of which there appears at present to be no chance of receiving an asper. This paper, sealed by the vizier, contains the order; and as you have the honour of being the caliph's debtor, you will do well to rise and accompany me forthwith to the palace, not forgetting the needful."
At this speech Mallem started up from his seat, advanced most submissively to Yussuf, took the paper and raised it to his head, addressing Yussuf with the most abject servility, "O most excellent, most valiant, and most powerful beeldar, how well doth the caliph select his officers! How favoured am I by Allah with your happy presence! I am your slave—honour me by refreshing yourself in my dwelling."
Yussuf then threw the driver of the beast half a dirhem, and dismissed him, breathed as if fatigued with his journey, and wiped his brow with his sleeve. The confectioner placed him in his own seat, and sent hastily to the bazaar for a large dishful of kabob, spread a napkin before Yussuf, and slicing a pomegranate, strewed it over with pounded sugar, and placed it before him, along with some sweet cakes and some honey. "O chief of beeldars!" said the confectioner, "it is my prayer that you deign to break your fast in the house of your servant. Will you amuse yourself with these trifles while something better is preparing?" Here one of the shopmen brought a bowl, into which he poured sherbet of the distilled juice of the lotus-flower mingled with rose-water. The master placed this also before Yussuf, and entreated him to eat; but Yussuf, affecting the great man, held his head up in the air and would not even look that way. "Condescend to oblige me by tasting this sherbet, O chief!" continued the confectioner: "or I swear by Allah, that I will divorce my youngest and most favourite wife."
"Hold—hold, brother!" replied Yussuf; "rather than that the innocent should suffer, I will comply with your request; although, to say the truth, I have no appetite, having taken my breakfast from the caliph's table in ten dishes, each dish containing three fowls dressed in a different fashion. I am so full that I can scarce draw my breath."
"I fully comprehend that it is out of compassion to your slave that you comply with my request."
"Well," said Yussuf, "to oblige you;" and taking up the bowl of sherbet, which contained some pints, to the amazement of the confectioner, at one long draught he swallowed it all down. The kabob now made its appearance, wrapped up in thin cakes of fine wheaten flour. Yussuf swallowed this also with a rapidity which was astonishing to behold, nor did he cease eating till the whole table cleared. The confectioner was amazed. "This fellow," thought he, "breakfasted upon ten dishes, each containing three fowls. How fortunate for me! What would he have done had he come here fainting? Nothing less than an ox stuffed with pistachio-nuts would have satisfied him. Would to Heaven that I were well rid of him!"
In the meantime Yussuf stirred not, but resumed his consequence. The confectioner requested to know if his highness would wait till a dinner was prepared for him. "Indeed, friend, that is a subject of small concern. My object here is, that you hasten with me to the treasury to pay in the five thousand dirhems which are due."
"Your indulgence, my aga," replied the confectioner; "I will return in one minute." Mallem Osman then filled a large bag with the choicest of his sweetmeats, and putting thirty dirhems in a paper, he approached Yussuf, saying, "My prince, I humbly beg your acceptance of this trifling present of sweetmeats, and these thirty dirhems for the expenses of the bath after your fatiguing journey hither. Deign also to favour me with your protection. Trade is scarce, and money does not come in. In a short time I will pay all."
Yussuf, who was aware that the order had only been given that he might squeeze a few dirhems out of the confectioner, then spoke with much civility. "My advice to you, Mallem," said he, "is, that you stir not out of your door to-day—there is no such hurry—nor to-morrow, nay, even a week, or a month, or a year. I may say, stir not at all, for you have my protection; and therefore be under no trouble of going to the palace at all."
It was near sunset when this affair was settled. Yussuf walked home with his hands full of presents, exclaiming as he went, "I am Yussuf, my provision is from God!" He reached his home, full of pleasing anticipations, and changing his dress, took out his basket and pitcher, returning loaded more than usual; for having gained forty-two dirhems, he resolved to indulge himself. "By Allah!" cried he, "I will double my allowance, to the confusion of those rascally Moussul merchants, who are such birds of ill omen." He accordingly expended double the money, doubling also his allowance of wax tapers and oil, so that his house was in a blaze of light when he sat down as usual to his feast, more happy than ever, drinking more, and singing twice as loudly as he had ever done before.
Leaving him to his solitary revels, we must observe, that the caliph had ascertained that Yussuf had received the bastinado; and now making sure that he would be without provisions or wine, he resolved to pay him another visit. "I think, Giaffar, that I have, at last, sent that rascal to bed supperless in return for his calling me an infidel; and I must go and enjoy his wrath and indignation, increased of course by the pain of the blows he has received by the order of the cadi." In vain did Giaffar represent that it would be attacking an angry and wounded lion in his den; that his wrath would be such, and his strength was so enormous, that they could not expect less than annihilation, should they venture to his door. "All that may be true," replied the caliph; "but still I will go and see him at all risk."
"I have my dagger, Commander of the Faithful," observed Mesrour, "and I fear him not."
"Use it not, Mesrour," replied the caliph. "Get ready the dresses, and let us depart."
"I venture to promise that we shall see no more lights this time, except it may be a solitary lamp to enable him to bathe his wounded feet."
They went forth, and on their arrival were astonished at the blaze of light which proceeded from Yussuf's apartments; his singing also was most clamorous, and he appeared to be much intoxicated, crying out between his staves, "I am Yussuf! confound all Moussul merchants—my trust is in God!"
"By the sword of the prophet!" exclaimed the caliph, "this fellow baffles me in everything. Have I not made the whole city uncomfortable, and submit to decrees which appeared to be promulgated by a madman, merely to chastise this wine-bibber, and behold he revels as before? I am weary of attempting to baffle him; however, let us find out, if possible, how he has provided for his table. What, ho! friend Yussuf, are you there? Here are your guests come again to rejoice in your good fortune," cried the caliph from the street.
"What, again?" roared Yussuf. "Well, now, you must take the consequence. Fly, or you are dead men. I have sworn by Allah, not only that you should not come into my door, but that I would cudgel you whenever we met again."
"Nay, thou pearl among men, thou ocean of good temper, rise and receive us. It is our destiny, and who can prevent it?"
"Well, then," replied Yussuf, coming out to the verandah with his great cudgel, "if it is your destiny, it will not be my fault."
"But, good Yussuf," replied the caliph, "hear us. This is the last time that we request admittance. We swear it by the three. You rail at us as if we harmed you; whereas, you must acknowledge that everything, however unfortunate at first appearance, has turned only to thy advantage."
"That is true," replied Yussuf; "but still it is through your pernicious omens that I am made to change my trade every day. What am I to be next?"
"Is not your trust in God?" replied Giaffar. "Besides, we promise thee faithfully that we will not say one word on the subject, and that this shall be the last time that we demand your hospitality."
"Well," replied Yussuf, who was very drunk, "I will open the door for the last time, as I must not war with destiny." So saying, he reeled down the stairs, and let them in.
The caliph found everything in extraordinary profusion. Yussuf sang for some time without noticing them; at last he said, "You Moussul rascals, why do you not ask me to narrate how I have had such good fortune? You are dying with envy, I presume; but now you shall hear it, and if you dare to go away till I have told you all, I will shower down such a quantity of blows upon your carcasses, as shall leave you worse than a bastinado of five hundred."
"We are all obedience and humility, O prince of men!" replied the caliph.
Yussuf then narrated the events of the day, concluding with, "I am Yussuf, my trust is in God! A beeldar will I live, a beeldar will I die, in spite of the caliph and his grand vizier to boot. Here's confusion to them both!" He then drank off a cup of rakee, and rolling over in a state of stupid intoxication, fell fast asleep.
The caliph and Giaffar blew out the lights, and then let themselves out of the door, and, much amused with the adventures of Yussuf, they regained the private gate of the seraglio.
The next morning Yussuf awoke, and finding it late, hastened to dress himself in his best clothes, saying to himself, "I am a beeldar, and I will die a beeldar." He took care to comb out his beard, and twist it in a fiercer manner; and then putting on his sham sword, lost no time in going to the palace, where he took his station among the beeldars who were on duty, hoping that he would be despatched by the chief on a similar message as that of the day before. The caliph soon afterwards made his appearance at the divan, and immediately recognised Yussuf in his partial disguise. He observed to Giaffar, "Do you see there our friend Yussuf? I have him at last, and now I will perplex him not a little before he escapes me." The chief of the beeldars being called, stepped forward and made his obeisance. "What is the number of your corps?" inquired the caliph.
"Thirty in all, Most High, of which ten are every day on duty."
"I will review those who are present," replied the caliph, "and examine each man particularly."
The chief of the beeldars bowing low, retired, and turning to his men, with a loud voice, said, "Beeldars, it is the pleasure of the Commander of the Faithful, that you appear before him."
This order was instantly obeyed, and Yussuf was compelled to walk with the rest into the immediate presence of the caliph; not, however, without alarm, and saying to himself, "What can all this be for? My usual luck. Yesterday, I cast up my reckoning with the cadi, and paid the balance with my heels. If I have to account with the caliph, I am lucky if I come off clear with my head."
In the meantime the caliph asked a few questions of each beeldar, until he came to Yussuf, who had taken care to stand last. His manoeuvres and embarrassment afforded much pleasure to the caliph and Giaffar, so much, that they scarce could refrain from laughing outright. The last of the beeldars had now been examined, and had passed over to the right after the others, and Yussuf remained standing by himself. He shuffled from side to side, casting an eye now at the door, and then at the caliph, considering whether he should take to his heels; but he felt that it was useless. The caliph asked him who he was three times before Yussuf's confusion would allow him to answer; and the chief of the beeldars gave him a push in the ribs, and looking in his face, did not recognize him; he however supposed that he had been lately substituted by one of the other chiefs. "Answer the caliph, you great brute," said he to Yussuf, giving him another dig in the ribs with the handle of his poniard; but Yussuf's tongue was glued to his mouth with fear, and he stood trembling without giving any answer. The caliph again repeated, "What is your name, your father's name, and the amount of your salary as a beeldar? and how did you get your appointment?"
"Is it to me you speak, O hadji caliph?" at last stammered out Yussuf.
"Yes," replied the caliph, gravely.
Giaffar, who stood near his master, then cried out, "Yes, you cowardly shred of a beeldar; and reply quickly, or a sword will be applied to your neck."
Yussuf, as if talking to himself, replied, "I hope it will be my own then." He then replied to the question, "Yes, yes, it's all right—my father was a beeldar, and my mother also before him." At this extravagant answer the caliph and whole court could no longer restrain their mirth, which gave Yussuf a little more courage.
"So," replied Haroun, "it appears that you are a beeldar, and that your allowance is ten dinars yearly, and five pounds of mutton daily."
"Yes, my Umeer," replied Yussuf, "I believe that is correct. My trust is in God!"
"It is well. Now, Yussuf, take with you three other beeldars to the dungeon of blood, and bring to me the four robbers who were condemned to death for their manifold crimes and enormities."
Here Giaffar interfered, and submitted to the caliph, whether it would not be better that the head jailor should produce them, which being ordered, that officer presently made his appearance with the four criminals pinioned and bareheaded. The caliph ordered three of the beeldars each to seize and blindfold a prisoner, to open their upper garments ready to unsheath their swords, and wait for the word of command. The three beeldars made their obeisance, obeyed the command, placing the criminals in a kneeling position, resting on their hams, with their necks bare, and their eyes covered. While the three beeldars stood thus in readiness, Yussuf was in a dreadful state of confusion. "To escape now is impossible," said he to himself. "Confound these Moussul merchants. They did well to say they would come no more, for in a few minutes I shall be no more myself."
"You fellow there! you are one of the appointed beeldars, and do not know your duty," cried Giaffar. "Why do you not lead out the criminal, as your companions have done?"
Yussuf, obliged to obey, now seized the fourth prisoner, covered his eyes, laid bare his neck, and took his stand behind him, but without drawing his sword. "I never shall be able to get over this," thought Yussuf. "In a few seconds it will prove to be but a piece of palm-wood, and I shall lose my head among the jeers of the people. However, my trust is in God; and to Shitan with all Moussul merchants." He took, however, his sheath and sham sword from his belt, and raised it in the scabbard over his shoulder.
The caliph, who watched him narrowly, was highly diverted with this manoeuvre. "You beeldar!" cried he, "why do you not unsheath your sword?"
"My sword," replied Yussuf, "is of that temper, that it must not too long glance in the eyes of the Commander of the Faithful."
The caliph appeared satisfied, and turning to the first beeldar, commanded him to strike. In a moment the head of the robber was lying on the ground. "Neatly and bravely done," said the caliph; "let him be rewarded." He then gave command to the second to execute his criminal. The sword whirled in the air, and at one stroke the head of the robber flew some distance from the shoulders. The third criminal was despatched with equal dexterity. "Now," said the caliph to Yussuf, "you, my beeldar, cut off the criminal's head, and receive the like reward for your dexterity."
Yussuf had by this time, to a certain degree, recovered his presence of mind; he had not exactly arranged his ideas, but they floated indistinctly in his brain. "Will your highness allow me to say a few words to the criminal?" demanded Yussuf, to gain time.
"Be it so," replied the caliph, stuffing his robe in his mouth to prevent laughter.
"The caliph has commanded that your head be struck off. If you would pronounce the profession of the true faith, now is your time, robber, for you have but one short minute to live."
The criminal immediately cried out, "There is but one God, and Mahomet is his Prophet!"
Yussuf then bared his muscular arm, and fiercely rolling his eyes, walked three times round his prisoner. "Declare now the justice of your fate," cried he, aloud (but at the same time saying to the man, in a low tone, "Swear you are innocent"). "Say, is not your sentence just?"
"No—no," replied the man, in a loud voice, "I am innocent."
The caliph, who was very attentive to all that passed, was much diverted by Yussuf's proceedings, and wondered what he would do next. Yussuf then walked up to the caliph, and prostrated himself. "O caliph! vicegerent of the Prophet! deign to listen to your faithful beeldar, while he narrates a strange adventure which hath befallen him within these few days."
"Speak, beeldar, we are all attention; remember that thy words be those of truth."
"It was on the evening before your highness issued the decree that no water should be supplied to the bazaar, from the Tigris, that as I was sitting in my house, performing my sacred duties, and studying the Koran, which I read in a loud voice, three merchants of Moussul claimed and entreated my hospitality. The Koran has pointed out hospitality as a virtue necessary to every true believer, and I hastened to open my door and receive them."
"Indeed," replied the caliph, looking at Giaffar. "Tell me, beeldar, what sort of looking personages might these Moussul merchants be?"
"Ill-favoured to a degree. One was a pot-bellied, rascally-looking fellow, with a great beard, who looked as if he had just come out of a jail. [The caliph winked at his vizier, as much as to say, There is your portrait.] Another was a black-bearded, beetle-browed, hang-dog looking rascal. [Giaffar bowed to the caliph.] And the third was a blubber-lipped, weazen-faced skeleton of a negro. [Mesrour clapped his hand to his dagger with impatience.] In short, your highness, I may safely say that the three criminals whose heads have just been forfeited to justice were, as far as appearances went, honest-looking men compared to the three Moussul merchants. Nevertheless, as in duty bound, I received these three men, gave them shelter, and spread a table of the best before them. They indulged in kabobs, and asking for wine and rakee, which, as forbidden by the law, I never taste, I went out and purchased it for them. They did eat and drink till the dawn broke, and then they departed."
"Indeed," said the caliph.
"The next night, to my great annoyance, they aroused me from my devotions as before. Again did my substance disappear in providing for their demands; and, after having eaten and drunk until they were intoxicated, they went away, and I hoped to see them no more, as they were not sparing in their observations upon the new decree of your highness, relative to the shutting up of the baths."
"Proceed, good Yussuf."
"The third night they again came, and having no more money to spare, and finding them still making my house a tavern, I hoped that they would come no more; but they came again, a fourth night, and then behaved most indecorously, singing lewd songs, and calling out for wine and rakee until I could bear it no more, and I then told them that I could no longer receive them. The fat-stomached one, whom I have before mentioned, then rose, and said, 'Yussuf, we have proved your hospitality, and we thank you. No one would have received three such ill-favoured persons, and have regaled them for the love of God, as you have done. We will now reward thee. Thou art a beeldar of the palace, and we will now present thee with the sword of justice, which has been lost since the days of the great Solomon; take this, and judge not by its outward appearance. When commanded to take off the head of a criminal, if he is guilty, the sword will flash like fire, and never fail; but should he be innocent, it will become a harmless lath of wood.' I took the present, and was about to return thanks, when the three ill-favoured Moussul merchants gradually took the form of celestial beings, and vanished."
"Indeed, this is a strange story—what, did the big-bellied fellow look like an angel?"
"As an angel of light, O caliph."
"What, and the weazen-faced negro?"
"Like a houri, O caliph."
"Well, then," replied the caliph, "you shall now, Yussuf, try the power of this wonderful sword. Strike off that criminal's head."
Yussuf returned to the robber, who remained kneeling, and walked round him, crying out with a loud voice, "O sword, if this man be guilty, do thy duty; but if he be, as he has declared in his dying moments, innocent, then become thou harmless." With these words Yussuf drew his sword, and exhibited a lath of palm-wood. "He is innocent, O caliph; this man, being unjustly condemned, ought to be set free."
"Most certainly," replied the caliph, delighted with the manoeuvre of Yussuf, "let him be liberated. Chief of the beeldars, we cannot part with a man, who, like Yussuf, possesses so famous a weapon. Let there be ten more beeldars appointed, and let Yussuf have the command of them as chief, with the same perquisites and salary as the other chiefs."
Yussuf prostrated himself before the caliph, delighted with his good fortune, and as he retired, he exclaimed, "I am Yussuf; my trust is in God. Allah preserve the three Moussul merchants."
It was not long before the caliph, Giaffar, and Mesrour appeared again as the merchants to Yussuf, and heartily enjoyed his discomfiture and confusion, when they discovered themselves. Still Yussuf enjoyed the favour of Haroun to the end of his life, and was more fortunate than Giaffar and others, who only once fell under the wrath and suspicion of the all-powerful caliph.
* * * * *
"Such, O pacha, is the history of Yussuf, the water-carrier."
"Yes, and a very good story too. Have you not another, Menouni?"
"Your highness," replied Mustapha, "the caravan will depart at break of day, and Menouni has but three hours to prepare. It can no longer be detained without the chief making a report to the authorities, which would not be well received."
"Be it so," replied the pacha; "Let Menouni be rewarded, and we will try to find some other storyteller, until his return from his pilgrimage."
Chapter XIX
"Mustapha," observed the pacha, taking his pipe out of his mouth, "what makes the poets talk so much about the Book of Fate?"
"The Book of Fate, your highness, is where is written our Talleh, or destiny. Can I say more?"
"Allah acbar! God is great! and it is well said. But why a book, when nobody can read it?"
"These are great words, and spiced with wisdom. O pacha! doth not Hafiz say, 'Every moment you enjoy, count it gain.' Who can say what will be the event of anything?"
"Wallah thaib! well said, by Allah! Then why a book, if the book is sealed?"
"Yet there are wise men who can read our Kismet, and foretell."
"Yes, very true; but I have observed that it is not until after an event has happened, that they tell you of it. What are these astrologers? Bosh—nothing—I have said." And the pacha remained some time smoking his pipe in silence.
"May it please your highness," observed Mustapha, "I have outside a wretch who is anxious to crawl into your presence. He comes from the far-distant land of Kathay—an unbeliever, with two tails."
"Two tails! was he a pacha in his own country?"
"A pacha! Staffir Allah!—God forgive me! A dog—a most miserable dog—on my eyes be it; but still he hath two tails."
"Let the dog with two tails be admitted," replied the pacha. "We have said it."
A yellow-skinned, meagre, and wrinkled old Chinaman was brought in between two of the guards. His eyes were very small and bleared, his cheek-bones prominent; all that could be discovered of his nose were two expanded nostrils at its base; his mouth of an enormous width, with teeth as black as ink. As soon as the guards stopped, he slipped down from between them on his knees, and throwing forward his body, kow-tow-ed with his head in the dust nine times, and then remained with his face down on the floor.
"Let the dog with two tails rise," said the pacha.
This order not being immediately obeyed by the servile Chinaman, each of the two guards who stood by him seized one of the plaited tails of hair, which were nearly an ell in length, and pulled up his head from the floor. The Chinaman then remained cross-legged, with his eyes humbly fixed upon the ground.
"Who art thou, dog?" said the pacha, pleased with the man's humility.
"I am of Kathay and your vilest slave," replied the man, in good Turkish. "In my own country I was a poet. Destiny hath brought me here, and I now work in the gardens of the palace."
"If you are a poet, you can tell me many a story."
"Your slave has told thousands in his lifetime, such hath been my fate."
"Talking about fate," said Mustapha, "can you tell his highness a story, in which destiny has been foretold and hath been accomplished? If so, begin."
"There is a story of my own country, O vizier! in which destiny was foretold, and was most unhappily accomplished."
"You may proceed," said Mustapha, at a sign from the pacha.
The Chinaman thrust his hand into the breast of his blue cotton shirt, and pulled out a sort of instrument made from the shell of a tortoise, with three or four strings stretched across, and in a low, monotonous tone, something between a chant and a whine, not altogether unmusical, he commenced his story. But first he struck his instrument, and ran over a short prelude, which may be imagined by a series of false notes, running as follows:—
Ti-tum, titum, tilly-lilly, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, titum, tilly-lilly, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, ti.
As he proceeded in his story, whenever he was out of breath, he stopped, and struck a few notes of his barbarous music.
THE WONDROUS TALE OF HAN.
Who was more impassioned in his nature, who was more formed for love, than the great Han Koong Shew, known in the celestial archives as the sublime Youantée, brother of the sun and moon?—whose court was so superb—whose armies were so innumerable—whose territories were so vast—bounded as they were by the four seas, which bound the whole universe? yet was he bound by destiny to be unhappy, and thus do I commence the wondrous Tale of Han—the sorrows of the magnificent Youantée.
Ti-tum, tilly-lilly——
Yes, he felt that some one thing was wanting. All his power, his wealth, his dignity, filled not his soul with pleasure. He turned from the writings of the great Fo—he closed the book. Alas! he sighed for a second self to whom he might point out—"All this is mine." His heart yearned for a fair damsel—a maid of beauty—to whose beauty he might bow. He, to whom the world was prostrate, the universe were slaves, longed for an amorous captivity, and sighed for chains. But where was the maiden to be found, worthy to place fetters upon the brother of the sun and moon—the magnificent master of the universe? Where was she to be found?
Ti-tum, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, ti.
Yes, there was one, and but one, worthy to be his mate, worthy to be the queen of a land of eternal spring, filled with trees, whose stems were of gold, branches of silver, leaves of emerald, and whose fruits were the fragrant apples of immortality. And where was this moon, fit bride unto the sun? Was she not plunged in grief—hidden in a well of her own tears—even in the gardens of joy? Those eyes which should have sunned a court of princes, were dimmed with eternal sorrow. And who was the cause of this eclipse, but the miscreant, gold-loving minister, Suchong Pollyhong Ka-te-tow.
Ti-tum, tilly-lilly.
The mandarins were summoned by the great Youantée, the court in its splendour bowed down their heads into the dust of delight as they listened to the miracle of his eloquence. "Hear me, ye first chop mandarins, peers, lords, and princes of the empire. Listen to the words of Youantée. Hath not each bird that skims the air, its partner in the nest? Hath not each beast its mate? Have not you all eyes which beam but upon you alone? Am I then so unfortunately great, or so greatly unfortunate, that I may not be permitted to descend to love? Even the brother of the sun and moon cannot, during his career on earth, exist alone. Seek, then, through the universe, a maiden for thy lord, that like my brother, the sun, who sinks each night into the bosom of the ocean, I too may repose upon the bosom of my mate. Seek, I say, search each corner of the world, that its treasures may be poured forth at our golden feet, and one gem be selected for our especial wear. But first, O wise men and astrologers, summon ye the planets and stars of destiny, that they may ascertain whether, by this conjunction, aught of evil be threatened to our celestial person, or to our boundless empire."
Ti-tum, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, ti.
Where is the star which leaps not in his course with delight, to obey the wishes of the brother of the sun and moon? Where was the planet that rejoiced not to assist so near a relative? Yes, they all hearkened, bowing down to the astrolabes of the astrologers, like generous steeds, who knelt to receive their riders; yet, when they all did meet to throw light upon the required page of destiny, was not their brightness dimmed when they perceived, as they read it, that it was full of tears, and that joy floated but as a bubble? The wise men sighed as the decree of fate was handed down to them, and with their faces to the earth, thus did they impart the contents of the revealed page to the magnificent Youantée.
"The brother of the sun and moon would wed. Beauty shall be laid at the golden feet, but the pearl beyond price will be found and lost. There will be joy and there will be sorrow. Joy in life, sorrow both in life and death; for a black dragon, foe to the celestial empire, threatens like an overhanging cloud. More the stars dare not reveal."
Ti-tum, till-lilly, ti-tum, ti.
* * * * *
Here the pacha looked at Mustapha and nodded his head in approbation, as much as to say, "Now we are coming to the point." Mustapha bowed, and the Chinese poet continued.
* * * * *
The golden eyes of the great Youantée were filled with silver tears when the page of destiny was made known; but the sun of hope rose, and bore away the sacred dew to heaven. Then called he the minister, ever to be disgraced in story, Suchong Pollyhong Ka-te-tow, and the emperor desired him to make a progress through the universe, his dominions, to find out the most beautiful maidens, to be brought to the celestial feet, at the coming feast of Lanthorns. But before they could be permitted to shoot up the rays of love through the mist of glory which surrounded the imperial throne—before their charms were to make the attempt upon the heart of magnanimity, it was necessary, that all their portraits should be submitted to the great Youantée, in the Hall of Delight. That is to say, out of the twenty thousand virgins whose images were to be impressed upon the ivory, one hundred only, selected by a committee of taste, composed of the first class mandarins and princes, were to be honoured by the beam of the celestial eye.
The avaricious, gold-seeking, Suchong Pollyhong Ka-te-tow had performed his task; wealth poured into his coffers from the ambitious parents, who longed to boast of an alliance with the brother of the sun and moon, and many were the ill-favoured whose portraits were dismissed by the committee of taste, with surprise at the minister's ideas of beauty.
Now there was a certain mandarin, whose daughter had long been extolled through the province of Kartou, as a miracle of beauty, and her father, Whanghang, brought her in a litter to the minister Suchong Pollyhong Ka-te-tow. He felt that her charms were piercing as an arrow, and that he had found a fit mate for the brother of the sun and moon; but his avarice demanded a sum which the father would not pay. Refuse to send her portrait he dare not; it was therefore ordered to be taken, as well as the others, and Whanghang considered himself as the father-in-law of the celestial Youantée. The young painter who was employed finished his task, then laid down his pencil, and died with grief and love of such perfection, which he never could hope to obtain. The picture was sent to the vile minister, who reserved it for himself, and wrote the name of this pearl beyond price, under that of another, unworthy to unloose her zone as her handmaiden. The committee of taste did, however, select that picture among the hundred to be placed in the Hall of Delight, not because the picture was beautiful, but because the fame of her beauty had reached the court, and they thought it right that the emperor should see the picture. The virgins whose pictures were thus selected, were all ordered to repair to the imperial palace, and the magnificent Youantée entered the Hall of Delight, which was illumined with ten thousand lanthorns, and cast his eyes over the portraits of the hundred beauties, but not one feature touched his heart, he turned away in disgust at the degenerate countenances of the age, "Is this all," exclaimed he, "that the world can lay at the feet of its lord?" And the committee of taste prostrated themselves when they beheld his indignation. "And this," exclaimed he, pointing to the supposed portrait of the daughter of Whanghang, "who is this presumptuous one who hath dared to disgrace with her features the Hall of Delight?"
"That, O emperor," said the wily Suchong Pollyhong Ka-te-tow, "is the far-famed beauty Chaoukeun, whose insolent father dared to say, that if it was not sent, he would lay his complaint at the celestial feet. In her province the fame of her beauty was great, and I did not like to be accused of partiality, so it has been placed before the imperial eye."
"First, then," exclaimed the emperor, "let it be proclaimed that the whole province of Kartou is peopled by fools, and levy upon it a fine of one hundred thousand ounces of gold, for its want of taste; and next, let this vain one be committed to perpetual seclusion in the eastern tower of the imperial palace. Let the other maidens be sent to their parents, for as yet there is not found a fit bride for the brother of the sun and moon."
The imperial mandates were obeyed; and thus was the first part of the prophecy fulfilled, that "the pearl beyond price would be found and lost."
Ti-tum, till-lilly, ti-tum, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, ti.
Yes, she was lost, for the resplendent Chaoukeun was shut up to waste away her peerless beauty in sorrow and in solitude. One small terrace-walk was the only spot permitted her on which to enjoy the breezes of heaven. Night was looking down in loveliness, with her countless eyes, upon the injustice and cruelty of men, when the magnificent Youantée, who had little imagined that the brother of the sun and moon would be doomed to swallow the bitter pillau of disappointment, as had been latterly his custom, quitted the palace to walk in the gardens and commune with his own thoughts, unattended. And it pleased destiny, that the pearl beyond price, the neglected Chaoukeun also was induced, by the beauty and stillness of the night, to press the shell sand which covered the terrace-walk, with her diminutive feet, so diminutive, that she almost tottered in her gait. The tear trembled in her eye as she thought of her own happy home, and bitterly did she bewail that beauty, which, instead of raising her to a throne, had by malice and avarice condemned her to perpetual solitude. She looked upwards at the starry heaven, but felt no communion with its loveliness. She surveyed the garden of sweets from the terrace, but all appeared to be desolate. Of late, her only companions had been her tears and her lute, whose notes were as plaintive as her own.
"O my mother!" exclaimed she; "beloved, but too ambitious mother! but for one little hour to lay this head upon your bosom! Fatal hath been the dream you rejoiced in at my nativity, in which the moon shone out so brilliantly, and then descended into the earth at your feet. I have shone but a little, little time, and now am I buried, as it were, in the earth, at my joyous age. Immured in this solitary tower, my hopes destroyed—my portrait cannot have been seen—and now I am lost for ever. Thou lute, sole companion of my woes, let us join our voices of complaint. Let us fancy that the flowers are listening to our grief, and that the dews upon the half-closed petals are tears of pity for my misfortunes." And Chaoukeun struck her lute, and thus poured out her lament:
"O tell me, thou all-glorious sun,
Were there no earth to drink thy light,
Would not, in vain, thy course be run,
Thy reign be o'er a realm of night?
"Thus charms were born to be enthroned
In hearts, and youth to be caress'd;
And beauty is not, if not own'd,
At least by one adoring breast."
Ti-tum, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, ti.
The musical notes of the peerless Chaoukeun were not thrown away only upon flowers deaf and dumb, they vibrated in the ears of the magnificent Youantée, who had sat down on the back of an enormous metal dragon, which had been placed in the walk under the terrace. The emperor listened with surprise at her soliloquy, with admiration at her enchanting song. For some minutes he remained in a profound reverie, and then rising from the dragon, he walked towards the gate of the tower, and clapped his hands. The eunuch made his appearance. "Keeper of the Yellow Tower," said the emperor, "but now I heard the sounds of a lute."
"Even so, O Sustenance of the world," responded the slave.
"Was it not rather an angel than a mortal, whose mellifluous notes accompanied the instrument?" said the magnificent Youantée.
"Certainly is she blessed beyond mortality, since her melody has found favour in the celestial ears," replied the black keeper of the Yellow Tower.
"Go then, and quickly summon all our highest officers of state, to lay their robes upon the ground, that she may pass over them to our presence at the dragon below the terrace."
The magnificent Youantée, brother of the sun and moon, returned to his former seat, filled with pleasing anticipations, while the eunuch hastened to obey the celestial commands. The mandarins of the first class hastened to obey the orders of Youantée; their furred and velvet cloaks, rich in gold and silver ornaments, were spread from the tower to the dragon at the terrace, forming a path rich and beautiful as the milky way in the heavens. The pearl beyond price, the peerless Chaonkeun, like the moon in her splendour, passed over it into the presence of the great Youantée.
"Immortal Fo," exclaimed the emperor, as the attendants raised their lanterns, so as to throw light upon her countenance, "by what black mischance have such charms been hidden from our sight?"
Then did the peerless Chaoukeun narrate, in few words, the treachery and avarice of Suchong Pollyhong Ka-te-tow.
"Hasten, O mandarins, let the scissors of disgrace cut off the two tails of this wretch, and then let the sword of justice sever off his head."
But the rumour of his sentence flew on the wind to Suchong Pollyhong
Ka-te-tow; and before the executioner could arrive, he had mounted a
horse fleeter than the wind, and with the portrait of the peerless
Chaoukeun in his vest, had left even rumour far behind.
Ti-tum, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, ti.
And to whom did the miscreant minister fly, to hide his devoted head? He flew to the wild nations of the north, the riders of wild horses, with sharp scimitars and long lances. For three days and three nights did the hoofs of his fiery steed strike fire upon the flints, which he spurned in his impetuous course, and then, as an immortal poet hath already sung, "he bowed his head and died." With the portrait of the peerless Chaoukeun in his bosom, and his mandarin garments raised up under each arm, the miscreant Suchong Pollyhong Ka-te-tow reached the presence of the Great Khan. "O Khan of Tartary," said he, "may thy sword be ever keen, thy lance unerring, and thy courser swift. I am thy slave. O thou who commandest a hundred thousand warriors, hath thy slave permission to address thee?"
"Speak, and be d——d," replied the warrior chief, of few words, whose teeth were busy with some pounds of horse-flesh.
"Thou knowest, O Khan, that it hath been the custom for ages, that the celestial empire should provide for thee a fair damsel for thy nuptial bed, and that this hath been the price paid by the celestial court, to prevent the ravages of thy insatiate warriors. O Khan, there is a maid, whose lovely features I now have with me, most worthy to be raised up to thy nuptial couch." And the miscreant laid at the feet of the Great Khan the portrait of the peerless Chaoukeun.
The chief finished his repast, and then with his lance turned over the image of the pearl beyond all price. He looked at it, then passed it to those around him. The savage warriors stared at the lovely portrait, and admired it not—yet did they long for war. "Tell me, O chiefs," said the Great Khan, "is that baby-face you look at worth contending for?"
And, with one voice, the chiefs replied that she was worthy to share the nuptial couch of the Great Khan.
"Be it so," replied he, "I am no judge of beauty. Let the encampment be broken up—this evening we move southwards." And the Tartar chief entered the northern provinces of the celestial empire, with his hundred thousand warriors, destroying all with fire and sword, proving his sincere wish to unite himself to the Chinese nation by the indiscriminate slaughter of man, woman, and child; and his ardent love for the peerless Chaoukeun, by making a nuptial torch of every town and village.
Ti-tum, tilly-lilly, ti-tum, ti.
But we must return to the celestial court, and astonish the world with the wonderful events which there took place. The astrologers and wise men had consulted the heavens, and had ascertained that on the thirty-third minute after the thirteenth hour, the marriage procession must set out, or the consummation would not be prosperous. Who can describe the pomp and glory of the spectacle, or give an adequate idea of its splendour? Alas! it would not be possible, even if it were attempted by ten thousand poets, each with ten thousand tongues of silver, singing for ten thousand years. Such, however, was the order of the procession.
First walked ten thousand officers of justice, with long bamboos, striking right and left to clear the way, to the cadence of soft music, blending with the plaintive cries of those who limped away and rubbed their shins.
Then marching, ten abreast, one hundred thousand lanthorns to assist the sun, partially eclipsed by the splendour of the procession.
Next appeared, slowly keeping time to a dead march, five thousand decapitated criminals, each carrying his own head by its long tail of hair.
* * * * *
"Staffir Allah! What is that but a lie?" exclaimed the pacha. "Did you hear what the dog has dared to breathe into our ears, Mustapha?"
"Mighty pacha," replied the Chinaman, with humility, "if your wisdom pronounces it to be a lie—a lie it most certainly must be; still it is not the lie of your slave, who but repeats the story as handed down by the immortal eastern poet."
"Nevertheless, there appears to be a trifling mistake," observed
Mustapha. "Is the procession to proceed, O pacha?"
"Yes, yes; but by the Prophet, let the dog tremble if again he presumes to laugh at our beards."
* * * * *
After the decapitated criminals, which your highness objects to, came in procession those criminals with their heads on, who were to suffer for their offences on this day of universal happiness.
First came two thousand robbers, sentenced to be hung up by their heels, emblematic of their wish to turn everything upside down—so to remain until they were pecked to death by the crows, or torn to pieces by the vultures.
The banner of innovation.
One of the robber chiefs, ordered to be choked with an abacus, which was suspended round his neck.
Another of the robber chiefs. This man, although a follower of the court, and sunned in the celestial presence, had dared to utter vile falsehoods against the celestial dynasty. He was sentenced to have his skin peeled off, and to eat his own words, until he died from the virulent poison which they contained.
The most important of all the criminals next appeared, who being great in favour at court, and appointed to the high office of physician to the celestial conscience, had been discovered in the base attempt of drugging it with opium; he had also committed several other enormities, such as being intoxicated in his mandarin robes, and throwing mud at the first chief mandarin; also of throwing aside his robes, mingling with the lower classes, and associating with mountebanks, jugglers, and tight-rope dancers. His enormities were written on a long scroll suspended round his neck. His sentence was the torture of disappointment and envy, previous to a condign political death.
After him came a disgraced yellow mandarin, who had been a great enemy of the criminal who preceded him. He was seated upon a throne of jet, and his arms supported in derision by two prize-fighters. His crime was playing at pitch and toss with the lower classes. His punishment was merely exposure.
Such were the criminals who were to suffer upon this day of universal happiness and delight.
Then came fifty thousand archers of the blue dragon battalion, carrying in their hands chowries of horses' tails to clear away the blue-bottle flies.
Next appeared ten thousand virgins, all modest, lovely, and in light drapery, singing hymns in praise of Ganesa on the Rat, the god of pure Love;
Attended by ten thousand youths, who tickled the said ten thousand virgins, singing hymns in praise of the upright Fo.
Fifty thousand archers of the green dragon battalion, each carrying a long peacock's feather in his right hand, to ascertain how the wind blew.
Five hundred physicians attending the celestial court, each carrying a silver box with golden pills.
The head physician to the celestial wits, and always in attendance upon a crisis. He carried in his right hand a bladder-full of peas at the end of a wand, to recall his majesty's wits when they wandered; and was followed by
Fifty thousand fools marching five abreast in union,
And fifty thousand rogues, marching off with everything they could lay their hands upon.
Then came a notorious faquir and mendicant, who was leader of a celebrated sect. He wore but one tail instead of the two usually worn by our nation, but that tail was of forty feet. He was followed by numerous devotees, who threw their worldly goods at his feet, and in return he presented them with writings and harangues, which he declared were infallible in all diseases.
Ten thousand young married women, each hushing an infant to repose upon the left breast to the sound of clarions and trumpets, emblematical of the peaceful and quiet state of matrimony.
The banner of impudence.
Five thousand political mountebanks, contradicting each other, and exerting themselves for the amusement of the people, who, however, suffered rather severely from their mad tricks.
The second in command, explaining their system in an unknown tongue.
The emperor's juggler, who astonished the whole empire by his extraordinary feats, and the rapidity with which he relieved them of all the money in their pockets.
The banner of Love.
The celestial secretary, with goose-wings on his shoulders, goose-quills in each hand, looking very much like a goose mounted on a mule, gaily caparisoned in colours quadripartite, and covered with jingling brass bells.
Five thousand old women, singing the praises of the said secretary and taking snuff to the flourish of hautboys.
The prosperity of the celestial empire, carried by the court fool, in a basket beautifully carved out of a wild cherry-stone; and guarded by
Fifty thousand archers of the red dragon battalion, picking their teeth to soft music.
Ten thousand poets, each singing at the same time, and to a different tune, his ode upon this joyful occasion.
The immortal poet of the age, attired in velvet to his feet, and superbly ornamented with rings and chains of gold and precious stones. He carried his silver harp in his hand, and was mounted on a beautiful white jackass with his face towards the tail, that he might behold and be inspired by the charms of the peerless Chaoukeun, the pearl beyond all price.
Then came the magnificent Youantée, and the peerless Chaoukeun, seated in the massive car of gossamer richly studded with the eyes of live humming birds, drawn by twelve beautiful blue loadstars, presented by the heavenly bodies to the brother of the sun and moon.
Twenty thousand young men, beautiful as angels, clad in the skins of the black fox, and playing upon ivory jews'-harps, all mounted upon coal-black steeds.
Twenty thousand niggers, ugly as devils, clad in the skins of the white polar bear, and sounding mellifluous cat-calls, all mounted upon pure white Arabian horses.
All the first-class mandarins of the celestial empire, turning up their eyes to heaven, and wishing that the procession was over.
All the second-class mandarins of the celestial empire, choked with dust, and wishing the procession at the devil.
Twenty millions of the people, extolling the liberality of the great emperor, and crying out for bread.
Ten millions of women, who had lost their children in the crowd, and were crying out bitterly in their search.
Ten millions of children who had lost their mothers in the crowd, and were crying out bitterly till they found them.
The remainder of the inhabitants of the celestial empire.
Such was the grand and pompous marriage procession, which employed the whole population, so that there were no spectators except three blind old women, who were so overcome with delight that, when it had passed, they bowed their heads and died.