TRANSPORTATION CLUB OF TORONTO
BANQUET
NOVEMBER, 1914
“The chairman is conductor on this train”
“You won’t be asked to make a speech”
A REVELER’S DREAM
Aye Reuben lad, ye missed a treat
Last Friday when you failed to meet
One hundred transportation men
Convened from city, burg and glen,
For the second yearly dinnerfest
Of fish and fowl and sparkling jest.
They sought the board from moor and fen:
Hoot mon! they were blythe, merry men.
From out the dome peered twinkling stars
Which shone on knights of boats and cars:
Within host Dunning’s spacious halls
The KING and ENSIGN graced the walls;
Beneath them ranged with D. O. WOOD
The BLACK PRINCE, LORNE and stalwart HOOD.
HOTRUM, STACKPOLE, SOMERVILLE,
And scouts who answered to “just plain BILL.”
Duke TERRY then inspects the guards
And straightway signals all his pards:
He trained his optics down the line,
Then to the chaplain gave a sign.
With smirk and quip the fray began,
Ye gods! they’re at it to a man.
The chef was new, his viands fine,
My word! how they did sup and dine.
Each clansman cracked his jest and pun,
Warm hearts, good cheer made all the fun.
With merry clink the MAC’S and O’S
Attacked until their WILD IRISH ROSE.
When MARSHALL diagnosed their case
And cried “Enough,” they slackened pace.
Just here the warblers oiled their throats,
Producing full BRAZILLIAN notes,
The smokers puffed and songs were sung,
A gem was that from RILEY YOUNG.
Will McIlroy and NANCY’S choir,
With JULES did stud sweet music’s lyre.
At half past ten the screen began
To picture LARRY, HANK and DAN;
Why Scots had thews instead of fat
And differed from St. George and Pat.
Halt! Produce your Passport
Reuben acushla! I wish you saw
Dear BERTHA’S curves and WOLFE’S smooth jaw.
EDDIE was flashed de-HORNING a cow,
Alas, poor Yoric! view him now.
Admiral HARRY sailed to sea
With skippers primed in drams of Tea,
Hector BENNETTO—Benn. C.B.—
THORPE, FITZ—MORICE, Murdo Mac D—
SARGENT, THOMAS, Frank C. FOY
Roared with unction and rocked with joy
At JACK the Moor in the bear’s cage
And CALLAGHAN was all the rage.
The cartoons ceased in quite a breeze
With Cupid DICK in his B.V.D’s.
WILL. JACKSON, wise from Spotless Town,
Sate cheek by jowl with soldier BROWN,
While GRAY and GREEN and singing PINK
Rehearsed “The toothbrush in the sink.”
And “Young DICK TINNING haint no style,
Deed he am boss, all de while.”
RICHARD sang “Maxwellton’s Braes”
Performing as in other days.
Oh you beautiful doll was there
With bells on her toes, and lard in her hair.
The C.N.R. and G.T.P.
The CORNBELT Route and N. Y. C.
Hob-nobbed with he of the C. B. Q.
Beside the banks of the winding SOO.
MULKERN, entranced beheld the throng,
Impressed was he with the ’cello song.
Saintly McCRAW shed one large tear
O’er wee Baptiste on his truckle bier.
The joke on MURPHY was a scream
Beyond the Company’s fondest dream.
FALSTAFF sampled some nut-brown ale,
Requested a schooner and then a pail:
ANGUS TORY and WELLAND STRONG
Thought they too would ride along,
But ALEC. BOYD said “Have a heart,
Does ‘G. & W.’ take no part?”
One of the Songsters
Charles L. Singer,
The affable and accommodating
ticket agent, M.C.R., St. Thomas,
Ont.
With pretense only, Jimmie S—
Pitched the tent of the Royal Mess,
At this the owls flew off their perch
To safety in a nearby church,
But the lion cubs drank LION brew,
Avoiding HENNESSY’S Mountain Dew,
Yet so discreet, no man did mar
By deep libations from the jar.
TIMOTHY—HEALEY and CARSON too,
Prayed that night in the self-same pew,
And harked to MULLIN’S vocal gem,
Which touched the crew from stern to stem.
Most of the men were born quite young,
And some before had never sung,
So you may guess the bars and chords
Issuing from that House of Lords.
Colonel NELLES and Major TIM,
True, bold Britons, were in the swim.
A “GLOOM” complained to JOLLY JACK
DONALDSON, FAIRHEAD—ANDREW MACK.
That Woolworth’s chiel was not a SCOT
And the good old days had gone to pot,
But HOWARD, HICKSON and Harvey Lloyd,
Wreathed in smiles the fun enjoyed.
By “Cobalt Special” SHERIDAN came.
Likewise a list too long to name:
COLLINS, FERNLEY, CALDWELL, GOULD,
With PERNFUSS sleek, massaged, bejeweled,
Like “two-year-olds” cut up old Nick
And introduced a brand new trick.
They hopped about from lid to lid,
And each did everything Katy-did.
The N. P. R. and PHOEBE SNOW
Both regretted they could’nt go.
Nobody threw the harpoon sharp,
Nobody prayed or played the harp,
But men of baggage, boats and cars,
In har-mon-ee smoked long cigars.
They lent their brilliance to the scene
And polished platters slick and clean.
After the sun had gone to rest,
When birds and beasts were all undressed,
The hours sped fast on wheels of time
And the flock took flight ere midnight chime,
Resolved to meet ’bout next July
To trap that badger fierce and sly,
Or cage the kangarooster.