The unwelcome child

I have read your letter with deep interest. Your inquiries respecting the mission of the sexes, and the government of your passional relations with your wife, seem right and proper, and what every man, who would secure and perpetuate the love and respect of his wife, and the purity and happiness of his home, will make, and on which, above all other subjects, he will seek for light. They shall receive frank and candid answers, so far as I can give them. I thank you for proposing them, as, in answering, I shall take occasion to give my views on a subject which, of all others, most directly concerns the organization and development, the character and destiny of the men and women of the future, and which involves the purity and peace of home, and the growth and prosperity of society.

Here let me say, that on no subject should a man and woman, as they are being attracted into conjugal relations, be more open and truthful with each other than on this. No woman, who would save herself and the man she loves from a desecrated and wretched home, should enter into the physical relations of marriage with a man until she understands what he expects of her as to the function of maternity, and the relation that leads to it. If a woman is made aware that the man who would win her as a wife regards her and the marriage relation only as the means of a legalized gratification of his passions, and she sees fit to live with him as a wife, with such a prospect before her, she must take the consequences of a course so degrading and so shameless. If she sees fit to make an offering of her body and soul on the altar of her husband’s sensuality, she must do it; but she has a right to know to what base uses her womanhood is to be put; and it is due to her, as well as to himself, that he should tell her beforehand precisely what he wants and expects of her.

Too frequently man shrinks from all allusion, during courtship, to his expectations in regard to future passional relations. He fears to speak of them, lest he should shock and repel the woman he would win as a wife. Being conscious, it may be, of an intention to use the power he may acquire over her person for his own gratification, he shuns all interchange of views with her, lest she should divine the hidden sensualism of his soul, and his intention to victimize her person to it, the moment he shall get the license. A woman had better die at once than enter into or continue in marriage with a man whose highest conception of the relation is, that it is a means of licensed animal indulgence. In such a relation, body and soul are sacrificed. “Let there be light” as to what constitutes a natural, divine parentage!

I shall not, in answering your queries, attempt to point out minutely what I think to be the fixed laws of human nature for the government of human parentage. I have some things to say to you, and to all who are, or hope to be, husbands, respecting the crime of an undesigned and an undesired Maternity. From what I shall say on this subject, it may be that you will get some hints as to the regulation of your passional relations with your wife.

You are a husband; you hope to be a father, and to make for yourself, your wife and children, a pure and happy home, where perfect freedom, perfect love and trust shall dwell, and where your entire nature shall expand and be perfected in all purity and nobleness. You would elevate and perfect the nature you bear in yourself and in your children. This you hope to do, not through your relations to Church or State, but through your relations as a husband and father, and by obedience to those laws of Nature which are designed to control your life in those relations. As compared with the question of the right use of the reproductive element,—its bearing on the growth, elevation and happiness of your entire being, in this and in all states of your present and future existence,—all questions of wealth, of reputation, of religion, and government, sink into insignificance. Your treatment of your wife in regard to Maternity, and to the relation from which it results, must shape your destiny and hers, at home and abroad. How can you respect yourself, knowing that your disregard of her rights, in reference to this most sacred function, has destroyed all respect for you in the heart of your wife?

Maternity is the subject under consideration. Ought it ever to exist except at the desire of the woman, and when her nature calls for it? Can it be right for man to impose on her this most sublime and overwhelming of all human responsibilities, when her nature recoils from the burden? She is not prepared to take charge of the germ of a new life, and to meet the suffering and the responsibility of developing and giving birth to a child, if her body and soul shrink from it. Under such circumstances, can it be right for man to urge on her a suffering and responsibility so much dreaded, or subject her to the possibility of a maternity against which her soul so earnestly protests?

It may be asked,—Why confine the discussion to Maternity? Why not look at the broad question of Parentage, and include the responsibility of the father, as well as of the mother? For the reason, that Maternity holds a far more intimate relation to the organization and character than Paternity. The mother has a more direct control over human destiny than the father. Woman is far more liable than man to suffer deep and enduring wrong in the office of perpetuating the race. Man, as will be shown, is generally the wrong-doer, when wrong exists; to woman belong the suffering and anguish. Woman is the victim; on man rests the responsibility. Woman’s appeal is to man to spare her this suffering and anguish, except when her nature calls, and then will she, for his sake and her own, joyfully meet and bear the cross. It is meet that woman’s appeal should be sustained. I wish to sustain it; and in so doing, while my remarks will bear mainly on Maternity, Paternity will necessarily come under review. Maternity, when a crime, suggests the questions, Who is the criminal? To what extent is he responsible for the consequences? So, in fact, the whole subject of Parentage is open, as involving the conduct and responsibility of both parents.

But, before proceeding to consider this wrong and outrage upon woman, and its influence on her, I wish to allude to two facts bearing directly on the subject.

1. That which forms the body and soul of the child must come to it, previous to birth, through the maternal organism.

Pause, my friend, and contemplate this fact, in its bearing on the birthright tendencies, the character and destiny, of your child. You and your wife wish to have a child. She prepares herself cheerfully and bravely to bear the sufferings and responsibilities of Maternity. The germ, so small when she takes charge of it, in a brief space assumes the form of a human being, and is increased in size and in weight hundreds of thousands of times.

How did the substance reach it which constituted its growth? Every particle of matter that reaches it to form its brain, its nerves, its heart, its lungs, its blood, its bones and sinews, was prepared in the maternal organism, and was carried to it through the medium of her blood. Whatever is received into her system, in the shape of food, drink, air, and various gases, and which goes to nourish her brain, heart, nerves, and other organs, and keep them in healthful activity, must go to form the corresponding portions of the child’s body. The material that nourishes the brain of the mother forms, from the beginning, the brain of the child; that which nourishes the lungs and nerves of the mother forms also the lungs and nerves of the child. So of every organ and portion of the body. From whatever the mother takes into her system must come the body and soul of her child.

2. This substance, as it passes through the maternal system, must receive the impress of her mental and physical conditions.

Ponder this fact, see its bearing on the character and destiny of your child, of all children, and of the race, and see if its importance can be over-estimated. That it is a fact, in the science of Embryology and Fœtal Development, is not denied. Whatever temporarily affects the maternal blood, must permanently affect the organic conditions and constitutional tendencies, and of course the post-natal character and destiny, of the child. This is much insisted on by writers on the laws and function of reproduction. Thus Carpenter, in his “Principles of Human Physiology,” says: “That many of the organic functions are directly influenced by the nervous system, is a matter which does not admit of dispute,—sometimes in exciting, sometimes in checking, and sometimes in otherwise modifying them.”—(Sec. 946.)

Whatever, then, affects the nervous system, affects the organic functions. That the nervous system is deeply affected by the kind and quality of our food and drink, and by mental impressions, cannot be doubted. Witness the influence of tea, alcohol, opium, tobacco, and various kinds of food, on the nerves, and also of anger, grief, revenge, fear, love, hate, &c. As Carpenter says, “The influence of particular conditions of the mind in exciting various secretions is a matter of daily experience.” He instances the increased secretion and flow of saliva by the idea of food, the secretion and flow of tears by joy, tenderness, or grief, and the influence of the love of offspring on the mammary secretions.

“The sexual secretions,” he says, “are strongly influenced by the conditions of the mind;” instancing the effects of a “fitful temper,” “fits of anger,” “grief,” “anxiety of mind,” “fear,” “terror,” on the mammary secretions, and showing that these emotions often so poison the mother’s milk as permanently to affect the health, and sometimes destroy the life of the nursing child.—(Sec. 948.)

Weigh well the following sentiments of Carpenter: “That the mental state of the mother can produce important alterations in her own blood, seems demonstrated by the considerations previously adduced in regard to its effects upon the process of nutrition and secretion, and that such alterations are sufficient to determine modifications in the developmental processes of the embryo, TO WHICH HER BLOOD FURNISHES THE MATERIAL, can scarcely admit a question, when we recollect what influence the presence or absence of particular substances has in modifying the growth of parts of the adult.” In regard to cases where children are marked before birth, he says: “The effect must be produced upon the maternal blood, and transmitted through it to the fœtus, since there is no nervous communication between the parent and offspring.”

On every hand, life is full of facts illustrative of the influence of the mental and physical conditions of the mother on the organic structure and constitutional tendencies of the body and soul of her unborn child. As the maternal blood is healthfully or otherwise affected by what she eats and drinks, and by her mental conditions, so will the organization of her child be healthful or diseased. If the mass of blood from which the fœtus is nourished and receives its material for growth is filled with disease, from any cause, the child must be similarly affected.

This is a fearful fact, when viewed in its bearing on the post-natal health and happiness of the child, and on the character and destiny of the human family. One can scarcely avoid the query, Is it just to place the destiny of one human being so entirely in the power of another? The power of the mother over her child, previous to birth, is absolute. Through what she eats and drinks, during gestation, she can fix the organic and constitutional tendencies of her child to health or disease, to good or evil, to happiness or misery, and thus control its character and destiny after it is born, during its infancy, childhood, youth and manhood. Not only through the character of what she eats and drinks, but through her mental emotions and conditions, through her amusements, her anxieties, her joys, her sorrows, her loves and hates, her exaltation and depression, her hopes and fears, can she affect the birthright physical and spiritual tendencies of her child, and thus control its destiny. She may doom her child to drunkenness, to lying, to revenge, and make him or her a thief, a liar, a drunkard, a glutton, a miser, a warrior, a slaveholder, a robber, a murderer, a pirate, or an assassin, before its birth, and while it is all unconscious of the doom which the mother is preparing for it, and totally incapable of resisting the fatal influence that is shaping its destiny.

The mother has a fearful power. It is absolute for good or evil. Terrible is the doom of that child whose organization and development, before birth, were controlled by the mother’s ignorance, folly, or hatred. Emphatically, as she is true to herself, she is true to her unborn child. It seems a mystery that the character and destiny of a human being should so materially depend on the food, drink, thoughts, feelings and passions of the mother during that brief period; but such is the fact, and we can only bow in silence to the fiat of God, being assured that whatever power the mother has for evil, she has the same for good; and that the question whether she shall use that power for good or evil over her child is one which may be settled mainly, if not solely, by the father, as will hereafter be shown. I will only say here, that the answer to the question, Will the mother use her power over her child for good or for evil? depends on the answer to a previous question—Is her maternity a willing or unwilling one? This question it is generally in the power of the husband and father to answer.

Now, my friend, contemplate the bearing of these two facts on the post-natal character and destiny of your child. The germ is placed in the maternal system, there to be nourished and to be developed through the substances conveyed to it by the maternal blood. Whatever the mother eats and drinks directly affects the nutrition and organization of her child. Whatever thoughts, feelings and passions agitate her mind, leave their traces on that which goes to form its body and soul. How important, then, to the health, character and happiness, of the future man or woman, that the mother, during gestation, should receive into her system only the purest and most healthful food and drink, and into her mind only bright, cheerful, happy, peaceful thoughts and feelings! To her husband, woman looks for sympathy and support to enable her truly and bravely to meet this great demand upon her nature. She should be encircled by a tender, consecrating love. To the father of her child she looks for this. Shall she look in vain, or be left to bear the cross alone?