An EXTRACT of the
LIFE AND DEATH OF
THOMAS WALSH.
PART III.
CHAPTER IV.
Of his last sickness and death.
HIS state of body in general (as has been related) was that of a lingering death, which however, being interspersed with intervals of comparative health and strength, admitted of his still going on, in the work of his calling. But by his last sickness is meant, that degree of disease, which admitted of no such interval; and at last took him off entirely, from all mental or bodily labour, and ended in his removal hence.
This his last illness may be dated from February 24, 1758, a few days after his arrival at Bristol, in his way to Ireland. After preaching twice as usual, and studying hard all day, he was seized with violent pains in his head, and in all his bones. He however rose the next morning at his usual time, and preached; retiring afterwards to his daily exercises; but still feeling the pressure of the disorder, “My body says he, trembled with weakness, but my soul was happy in God!”
He avoided yielding to his pains, and proceeded in his Lord’s work as usual, for several days: till at length he was constrained to take his bed. Here he was confined for several days; and taking exact notice, (as his disorder admitted) of the state of his heart, according to his constant custom, and growing something better, he wrote from the fulness of his heart his state and sentiments as follows,
“Saturday March 4. (The day he took his bed) good is thy will O Lord. Thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth. Thou reignest in righteousness; though no man can know love or hatred, by all that is before him, Ecclesiastes ix. Thou givest account of thy ways to none; but assurest the righteous, that it shall be well with him; and that thy corrections are with this design, that we may partake of thy holiness. I am in thy hands, O my God: work thy perfect will in me, and sustain me in this trial. I call upon thee in the day of trouble; and believe thou wilt deliver me, and that I shall glorify thee, and praise thee yet more and more. Thus (as he concludes) I went to bed very ill, and happy.
“Sunday 5. My illness continued and encreased. I had not much consolation, but was graciously preserved from buffetings. Monday 6. Continued in soul as yesterday only with more examination. Tuesday 7. I had scarcely any alteration in body or soul. I cried to God, and he heard me; but the sweet and usual returns of prayer were not. Wednesday 8. God gave me to weep much for the sins of my whole life. Thursday 9. My pains and pleasures, corporal and spiritual, were as the day before. Friday 10. I had more consolation of soul. Saturday 11. The spirit of prayer was plentifully imparted to me: I could plead the mercies, and promises, and merits of God my Saviour, and his love and joy were more plentifully poured into my soul. Sunday 12. I had gracious intimations of the good will of God towards me in this sickness.
“Monday 13. I was able to read and pray, and advise friends to love God and seek him in good earnest, while they had strength. Tuesday 14. I was better still, and prayed for the increase of holy love in the children of God, and for the propagation of the faith in all nations.”
Besides this daily minuting down the state of his soul, he on a general review (as was his constant manner on these occasions) of the whole, has, among several other particulars, the following observations,
*“I had a constant witness from the Holy Ghost, that I was a child of God. However, the sins of my whole life were brought to my remembrance; particularly those of my heart; the manifold backslidings known only to God. For altho’ God preserved me from falling even once, into those sins, in which I lived in the days of my ignorance; nevertheless I saw my pride, desire, self-will, self-indulgence, levity, and misspending time.¹ I may add to these, my want of love to God, charity to my neighbour, and more serious concern for my own soul. I saw how wonderfully the Lord had dealt with me, raising me from the dust, and giving me so many and invaluable blessings; so that I ought, more than all men, to serve and love him.”
“I was moreover deeply convinced how possible, yea easy it is, for a person after having received great light, love, power, and joy, to fall notwithstanding, into a certain dulness of soul; and that holy desires, vehement thirstings after God, and the spirit of prayer, may be lessened, and lost. Truly we can keep nothing unless the Holy Ghost help our infirmities continually.
*“But the grand lesson of all which in this little interval I learned was, the absolute necessity of being free from persons, things, and places. I saw what a tendency the soul has to rest in something beside God; I saw that even when we give up our beloved sins, and all temporal things, we are nevertheless apt to rest in the gifts and graces of God; making them as it were our Saviour, and comforter instead of Christ.”
*“I saw farther, how deeply the love of life and learning had been rooted in my heart: and that God saw it necessary to correct me often, to shew me the vanity of both.”
*“I believe he is resolved to save my soul to the uttermost; and he uses various ways to accomplish this end. I believe this sickness will be of great service to my soul, and perhaps of more use to the children of God, than my labours could be. My desire is only to live wholly to him, and to get more of the love and life of Christ. Lord look upon me, a weak and unconstant man, and strengthen, and establish my heart with thy love.
“In exhorting the believers, I found much of divine consolation. O how sweet were these two hours; and how short! Love is a wonderful thing.”
Sunday 26. I was in a high fever, yet when I got with the family, I forgot my pain, while we conversed of the love of God. It being Easter-day, I examined what I had gained since last Easter? And I trust God has given me more humility, patience, and likeness to himself.”
He was detained at Bristol, thro’ his illness, longer than he had intended; and was but slightly recovered, when he was told of a ship, just ready to sail for Cork. Being resolved on the journey, and willing to embrace the very first opportunity, weak as he was, he embarked at Pill on the 13th of April. The passage was ♦extremely dangerous; insomuch, that the mariners themselves, looked for nothing less than perishing, so boisterous were the winds and the seas. But see the blessedness of being true believers in Christ! *Tho’ they expected every moment to go to the bottom of the great deep; “Yet God, says he, gave me more faith, and patience, and joy, than ever I felt before. I could not see death terrible to me. I prayed, and praised God incessantly; for sleep I could not an hour while on board; and neither could I eat. But Christ was with me in all, and supported me. I pleaded with the Lord in behalf of the passengers, beseeching him that he would not take them away in their sins. They cried out vehemently, ‘We are not fit to die!’ On their account I did not desire to sleep; I cried aloud to God in prayer in the cabbin; and they gladly attended then. On Saturday the wind abated, and the next day we landed safe in Cork.”
*On my hearing of his arrival (being then in the county, and it being many months, since we parted at London) I hastened to see him; and can never forget the idea, which the first sight of him gave me, of a man in deep fellowship with God. On my opening his room door, and just appearing, he got up from his chair, being in deep contemplation, and with a spirit and countenance, composed and solemn as the grave, he said with a low voice, ‘God bless you.’ We embraced each other with tears; after which kneeling down, he prayed, as to a present God indeed! with such melting and moving expressions, and with such reverential confidence, as surpassed all that I had known and admired in him before; and plainly discovered his having entered since we parted, much further into the holiest, by the blood of Jesus.
*During the time he stayed here, I was a daily witness of his manner of life; and saw with much concern, his swift approaching end. He had most of the symptoms of a consumption, in its last stage: which increased upon him every day. The silver cords of life began to loosen, and the golden bowl, the whole of this wonderful, and curiously wrought machine, to be broken. He had an intermitting fever, which returned regularly every day about eleven o’clock; an habitual cough, and most profuse night-sweats; all which had now so emaciated and weakened him, that the marks of death already appeared upon him. And yet notwithstanding this, he still so desired to discourse of the things of eternity, that, while he was at all able to stand, or speak, he could not be dissuaded from preaching: and altho’ he brought into the pulpit the very image of death upon his face, so that it could hardly be expected he should speak ten minutes; he has nevertheless preached a full hour, to the astonishment of all who heard him. One would have thought he must have dropt down dead immediately after.
His internal state, still the object of his close attention, during his continuance at Cork, where there is reason to believe he began first, to think, this sickness would be unto death, he summarily expresses thus.
*“Saturday April 29. My soul truly waiteth upon God. My body feels pain and weakness; but my soul enjoys the living fire of the Holy Ghost! Oh, may I die the death of the righteous: and let my last end be like his! I wait for thy salvation, O Lord! Weak I am, but cannot be moved while Jesus is my strength. O that every pain may but increase my love to God! I am supported by the fire within, and by believing that Jesus is at the right-hand of God.”
The time being come which he had appointed for leaving Cork, and going on to Limerick; being attended by his own brother: another friend and I, accompanied him a dozen miles on the way. At the inn where we stopped, he discoursed to us at dinner, of the things pertaining to the life of a Christian, respecting particular instances of conduct; but his weakness prevented him saying as much as we could have desired. *I shall never forget our parting! The other persons being gone down stairs, after he had said some particular things to me, we kneeled down, and prayed together, for the last time! We then took our final farewell of each other in this world! He went on his way, and I went mine; each of us expecting to meet no more, till we met in happier climes, and in a better world!
*I do not find, that from this time, he kept any further account in writing, of the daily state of his soul; owing, I am inclined to think, to the violence of his disorder, which increased now, almost every hour; and which weakened and impaired the faculties of his mind, as well as the strength of his body. Hence, beholding things thro’ so defective a medium, he became in reality, an unfit judge of his own state. The influence which this kind of disorder in particular, frequently has upon the powers of the mind, is well known, even to the representing things which concern one’s self, and others, often directly contrary to what they really are.
He had the judgment and advice of the best physicians, wherever he came; who on the slightest intimation, offered their assistance with all chearfulness, neither expecting nor desiring any other gratuity than, (as one of them once expressed) “the prayers of Mr. Walsh.” They generally agreed, that his disorder was brought on thro’ excessive labour—frequent, and loud preaching, intense application to study, want of proper, and sufficient rest: and fatigue in general. They likewise judged, that his case was now past all remedy.
*It was however judged advisable, that he should be removed from Limerick, to the more free and open air of the country. He went thither accordingly, where he had the tenderest and most affectionate attendance, with whatsoever was judged most proper to alleviate the rigour of the disease, and restore him, if God should so please, to health. But it was now too late! And his friends perceiving, that neither air nor physic availed any thing, they according to his own inclination and desire, removed him to Dublin. His next remove, was to the city of the great King, the paradise of God!
Concerning the state of his soul, for a few months before his death, as he wrote nothing on the head during that time, we can speak with less certainty, than of what has been already related. And embarking for England soon after we parted, I neither saw nor heard, any thing particularly concerning him, till a letter brought the tidings of his being no more in this world. But from the accounts of persons of undoubted veracity, who attended him during that time, we learn, that his state was not indeed joyous, but grievous. *He drank of his Lord’s cup of sorrow, and was in truth deeply, baptized with his baptism. He was immerged in affliction’s furnace and plunged in the deepest waters.
“His flesh chastized, with tort’ring pain
His soul, and sickness clave his bones;
Keen anguish dwelt in ev’ry vein,
And sadly turn’d his breath to moans.
Sorrow was all his soul; he scarce perceiv’d,
But by the pains he suffer’d, that he liv’d!”
He was tempted, and sorely buffeted of the devil. The nature of his disorder exposed him to a degree of precipitancy, and discomposure, which he was more than superior to, while in better health. In short, so did the wisdom of God permit, that thro’ the malice of Satan, the extreme violence of his disorder, and the concurrence of several other circumstances, this servant of God, was brought to the utmost extremity of spiritual distress and anguish, consistent with keeping the faith: insomuch that it was but few degrees removed from despair.
“His agonizing soul sweat blood!
With Christ he fainted on the tree,
And cry’d in death, ‘My God, my God,
Ah! Why hast thou forsaken me?’”
*His great soul lay thus, as it were in ruins, for some considerable time; and poured out many a heavy groan, and speechless tear, from an oppressive heart, and dying body. He sadly bewailed the absence of him, whose wonted presence had so often given him the victory, over the manifold contradictions and troubles, which he endured for his name-sake. A heart so sensible of the visits of its Lord, and so restless at his smallest absence, as his was throughout his warfare, must needs be deeply afflicted when left, seemingly to its own poverty, and surrounded as it were with hosts of infernal fiends, seeking to devour him. The intervals which he had of cessation from the extremity of the conflict, and of comparatively quiet confidence in God, are not perhaps so well known: but that he had such, may well be supposed; for otherwise his soul and flesh must needs have failed before God.
It was however not till a short time before his complete and eternal deliverance, that his Lord appeared to his help: and by making himself known, as Jesus, his well known Saviour, entirely eased the anguish of his oppressed soul! The beams of his brightness dispersed the clouds: and the smiles of his countenance more than compensated for all his night of sorrow. He spoke and said unto him, The winter is passed; arise my love and come away!
*The manner of his deliverance was as follows. A few friends being at prayer with him, on Sunday evening; as soon as they concluded, he desired to be left alone, in order, as he said, “to meditate a little.” They withdrew; and he remained deeply recollected for some time: just then, God, dropping into his soul, no doubt, some lively foretaste of the joys to come, and spreading the day of eternity thro’ the regions of his inward man; he burst out in transport, and pronounced, in a dying voice indeed, but with the joy of angels!——“He is come!——He is come!——My beloved is mine, and I am his!——His for ever!” And uttering these words, he sweetly breathed out his soul into the arms of his beloved; on the 8th day of April 1759, and in the 28th year of his age.
The CONCLUSION.
WE cannot sufficiently admire and adore, the unsearchable counsels, and impenetrable secrets of God our Saviour, with respect to the management of his kingdom, and the disposal of his servants. Two reflections are natural, on considering the preceding account in general.
*1. To see a man delivered from the blindness of error and superstition, and brought into the light and enjoyment of truth; the knowledge of the true God and of his spiritual worship—to see him brought out from the obscurity of retirement, and that by the remarkable interposition of divine providence, in order to spread the savour of the knowledge of God, among mankind, in the most public manner—to consider him as singularly fitted for this, by knowledge, by the word of truth, dwelling richly in him; by purity, by zeal for God’s glory, by the armour of righteousness, and by the power of God, attending his word—To see such an one cut off from among men, in the prime of life, just fully furnished for promoting the kingdom of the Son of God, to which he was entirely devoted, is a thing which will be acknowledged to confound human understanding.
Without entring deeply into the matter, one may easily learn herefrom, at least a confirmation of that weighty truth, that God is not worshipped, or served by mens hands, as tho’ he needed any person or thing. He leaves no one any room to say or think within themselves, that the cause and glory of God needed them, or at least had some connexion with our standing or being removed. He is at no time at a loss how to serve his own glory, and the necessities of his creatures. Hereby moreover he would stain the pride of human glory; and teach us, what can never be too fully learned, to walk humbly with our God; not to judge according to appearances; and to learn to conceive of things and persons, not according to bare human estimation, but according to the will of God. O that we may learn from every occurrence, to fly to him, in all our affections and desires! Then whenever our change comes, we shall be welcomed by superior beings, and not much missed by men, who delight in novelties.
Whatever secret reasons might be the cause of such a procedure, in the divine disposals; whether ingratitude, or something bordering upon idolatry in the people, or whatever was the cause, certain it is, that we need never fail to reap instruction and advantage, from such awful providences; the decease of our dearest friends, since
“For us they languish, and for us they die!”
2. But what may seem most strange is, that a person so eminent for piety, so laborious for God’s glory; so exemplarily religious, in the whole of his conversation; so useful to others: in a word, so entirely, and unreservedly devoted to Christ, should in the time of his greatest necessity, be so destitute of spiritual comfort. And it must be acknowledged, in great measure, to be a part of those ways, of which God giveth account to none. His ♦judgments are unsearchable, and his ways past finding out. His way is in the sea, and his paths in the great waters; and his footsteps are not known. And who shall say to God, “What dost thou?” “What I do thou knowest not now,” is indeed applicable to the general course of God’s providences; and to much of the experience of Christians in particular; and perhaps this is the best footing on which to rest the present case, namely the mysterious councils of God, with respect to his dealings with his servants: with him we are considering in particular.
Who can account for that providence which left the life of so holy a person as John the Baptist, in such infamous hands! Which permitted it to be sacrificed to the malice of an abandoned harlot, the petulancy of a vain girl, and the rashness of a foolish, perhaps drunken prince, who made a prophet’s head the reward of a dance? The same reasoning has weight, with respect to the treatment which he has permitted his most eminent servants in all ages to meet with. It is the fixed decree of heaven, concerning the righteous, that through much tribulation (outward or inward, or both) they must enter the kingdom of God. And the most part of ecclesiastical story, is in great measure no other than a comment on this great truth; which likewise receives abundant confirmation from numberless parts of holy scripture.
There may be, for ought that can be known by us, a certain resemblance in some particulars, between his case of whom we speak, and that of Job (see chapter ii. 3–6.) But in both, and indeed in all resembling instances, the hand of the Lord is visibly seen; that he is pitiful, and of tender mercy, and afflicts his children only for their profit, that they might partake of his holiness. And we are well assured, that he will repay his servants in another world, for whatever they suffer in this: even ♦such as fill up that which is behind of the afflictions of Christ in their flesh.
As to the difficulty of reconciling with his former enjoyments, and professions, such a state of conflict and discomfort, as this his last stage was accompanied with, it may be considered, that although it was uncommon, yet the case is not singular: to recite examples would be endless. It is true, that God has given us multiply’d and various instances, in the last stages of his servants in most ages, both of triumphant superiority to sickness, pain and death in some: of holy mourning, deep abasement, and patient resignation, in others: and there have been those likewise, whose last ♦sicknesses have been such times of painful purgation from human foibles, and sore conflict from diabolical temptations, that the utmost they have been able to do, has been to abide in the furnace; till patience having had its perfect work, they just stept from the cross—to the crown! Witnessing, only with their parting breath, Victory! Victory! And all this it is impossible to account for, by appearances.
Thus we hear one, in his last sickness saying, “I am by the wonderful mercy of God, as full of comfort as my heart can hold, I feel nothing in my soul but Christ, with whom I heartily desire to be.” Another, “I am like a bird upon the wing, and would fain be at Immanuel’s land, where the tree of life is. Here I am a weak man, in the hands of the king of terrors, rejoicing in hope of the glory that shall be revealed; and that by the death and resurrection of a despised Christ. All these soft clothes are like sack cloth, and yet I have perfect rest of spirit.” Another, “O how does the love of God wipe off all pain! The servants of God suffer nothing. Their trials are but for a moment; their joys are eternal!” Ten thousand instances of this sort might be alledged, in the present generation (to look no farther)——Persons who throughout a course of pains and wants, evidenced the ♦glorious conquest which faith gives over all our enemies, and over death, the last of all.
There have been those on the other hand, who after a course of useful and holy living; of eminency in wisdom, and in favour with God, have nevertheless, towards the setting of their sun, wanted those joyous beams of triumphant light and life; and who approached their seat of repose with many tears and sighs; with shame, and confusion, and hopes, and dependence; and even at the last, left nothing particularly memorable, for the discourse, and joy of the survivors;¹ but who notwithstanding, have attained their wished-for port, and enjoy the pleasures of those peaceful mansions! John xiv. 2.
“Where conflicts past, redouble present joys!”
Diversity of complexions, different periods of grace, or divine dispensations; with a thousand particulars known best to God, may be taken into consideration, in attempting to account for this difference in the divine disposals concerning his servants. But I forbear attempting to solve, that of which I am free to profess my ignorance: and wait for that light, which will infallibly
——throw full day on darkest scenes of time.
It may be farther observed concerning this servant of God, that although his comforts had been exceeding great throughout most part of his experience, yet he had frequent and violent encounters with the enemy: so that sometimes we find in the same paragraph, acknowledgments of the great joy and peace which he felt, and complainings of grievous temptations and trials. Take an instance or two among a thousand, in his own words.
“I found in retirement sore struggles and deep consolation.” And again, although love and joy lived and flowed in me, yet I wept and made supplication, being strongly tempted of the devil. Ah, Lord! Thou knowest my state, and trials! And my groanings are not hid from thee! What conflicts with myself do I daily feel!
Some are tempted most in the beginning of their conversion, some towards the latter end, and others there are, who are sorely tempted throughout their whole life. The latter was his case. But now especially, his natural faculties weakning in proportion to the decay of his bodily strength, rendered him the fitter mark for Satan, to attack with his last and most violent assaults, which therefore he plyed to purpose. He could not however make him let go his integrity: nor did he alter his sentiments, concerning any point of Christian doctrine, or retract any thing he had formerly said relating thereto. And as to the course of his most secret walking, altho’ on the whole, he saw nothing whereof to glory in himself before God; but rather was continually filled with holy shame and deep abasements, at the disparity which he still perceived between himself and his holy Lord; yet there was no particular sin since his conversion, with the cherishing of which he could charge himself. To which may be added, that in the midst of this hour and power of darkness, he never once charged God foolishly; but on the contrary he sought to him with groans, and tears, and cries, without ceasing!
His sufferings both of body and mind were great beyond description: but when we consider, thus did God permit concerning him, it puts to silence every doubtful, evil reasoning on the head. By constituting him a perfect sufferer, God thereby, made him the more conformable to his suffering, conquering Son; that Man of sorrows and acquainted with griefs! And rendered his condition not that of a bastard, or base-born child, abandoned of God, and rejected; but on the contrary, that of a beloved Son scourged and purified by his heavenly Father, that he might thereby, more eminently partake of his holiness and glory. And should heaven permit his conveying to us his present sentiments, concerning his momentary afflictions, we should certainly hear him pronounce to this effect.
For all I bless thee; most, for the severe;
Amidst my list of blessings infinite,
Stand this the foremost, “that my heart has bled.”
He had hope in his end, and therefore ceased not to cry to Jesus, who was with him in reality all the while, in the furnace; and finally appeared his friend and his beloved!
“Tryed to the last but not forsook;
But honour’d with distinguish’d grace,
Heaven-ward he cast a dying look,
And saw once more his Saviour’s face.
‘He’s come! My well-belov’d, he said,
And I am his, and he is mine!’
He spake, he gaz’d, he bow’d his head,
And sunk into the arms divine!”
On the whole, I profess, that although on my first hearing of the afflictive scene through which he passed, I was more astonished than at any thing I ever remember to have happened to myself or others; remaining in dumb suspense, at what could be the cause of so unexpected a procedure? Nevertheless, I am now inclined to consider the whole affair as an argument, rather of his strength than the contrary. His supporting at all under such extreme sufferings, not a little demonstrates his great soul, and nearness of conformity to God his Saviour,
“Who drank in his sad days of flesh
The potion by his Father given;
And bids his members feel afresh
The fierceness of the wrath of heaven.”
If thou faintest, saith Solomon in the day of adversity, thy strength is but small: and by parity of reason, to stand in a time of sore trial argues proportionable strength. Avert, my God, avert from my soul, ill able to bear it, such a time of trial! O Jesus, by all thou hast done and suffered; by thine agony, and bloody sweat, by thy cross and bitter passion, by thy meritorious death; thy resting in the chambers of the grave, thy triumphant resurrection, and ascension; and by thy coming again in glory; in the time of sickness, in death, and in judgment, deliver my soul, I beseech thee!
In thy fair book of life divine,
My God inscribe my name;
There let me fill some humble shrine,
Beneath the slaughter’d Lamb!
O might I with my ♦closing eyes,
Thee in thy bloody vesture see,
And cast me on thy sacrifice,
Jesus, my Lord, remember me!
The thoughts of being quickly loosed from the fetters of the body, had often filled his soul with the most sensible delights, desiring nothing so much as to see God: and the approaches of eternity did often so enflame his desires, that he was sometimes in a degree of transport. But after all that can be said on the head of this his last scene, and indeed of the methods of God’s providential dispensations in general, concerning nations or individual persons, it seems the wisest and best method to rest in that sentiment, namely not curiously to scan them; but rather to adore in humble silence, his unsearchable judgments and impenetrable secrets!
Not deeply to discern not much to know,
Mankind was born to wonder and adore!
Whatever is permitted to befal them in this world, we are well assured it shall be well with the righteous. All things, whether prosperous or adverse, shall work together for their good. He that liveth forever saith, I come quickly——to put a final period to the whole of mortal things, and determine the states of all the children of Adam for ever! His reward is with him! We shall see him as he is! Though now we see him not, yet believing we rejoice! O Jesus, work in our hearts that conformity to and resemblance of thyself, that we may seek nothing, but night and day think of, long for, and joyfully wait for thine appearance!