The works of the Rev. John Wesley, Vol. 14 (of 32)

MEDITATIONS

Upon some TEXTS of SCRIPTURE.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked.

O MY God, how fatally do I experience the truth of this assertion! My heart is indeed deceitful above all things. And how great is my sorrow on the melancholy reflection? Lord, I have by the deceitfulness and wickedness of my own heart, justly forfeited my title to the joys of eternity, incurred thy indignation, and made myself obnoxious to that dreadful sentence, Depart ye cursed! And how just is this sentence, after the crimes my deceitful heart has betrayed me into; after the many good resolutions I have broke; after the sins of ingratitude, presumption, and repining, with which I have defiled my soul! How often have I resolved, firmly resolved, to keep a strict watch over my eyes and heart in the house of God; and let no thought have entrance, which could prevent my addressing my Creator with the reverence I ought? But, merciful God! How contrary have I acted to all this! Have not my eyes been amused by vanity, and my heart so distracted by idle and ridiculous ideas, that I have not known the words my lips pronounced? Nay, have not even unclean and blasphemous thoughts attacked me at this sacred time, and, wretch that I am! been indulged, or but coldly rejected? Horrible proof, that my heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked! Lord, I abhor myself, for having thus often, and thus heinously offended thee! I am utterly ashamed and confounded, at my daring, my monstrous impiety! How shall I dare to hope for pardon of a sin so frequently repeated, and with such aggravations? When I consider the greatness of my guilt, my astonished soul is ready to sink in black despair. Blessed God! I sin against the clearest conviction, against the checks of my conscience, and the kind admonitions of thy holy Spirit; and, strange perverseness! against all the hopes I have of happiness; sin against that God, whom I love and adore from my soul, and whose favour I would this moment lay down my life to procure. The thoughts of immortality, and the surprising goodness of the Almighty, in the works of creation and redemption, fill my mind with gratitude and wonder; I am lost in admiration, and could dwell for ever on the delightful theme. And yet, inconsistent wretch that I am! I go on to offend this divine author of my being, by my careless, supine, and irreverent addresses; and my wicked and fantastic thoughts. My prayers are turned into sin: and now is it not presumption, the highest presumption, to hope for pardon? Or rather, would it not be a greater sin than I have yet committed, to despair of it? Is not mercy the darling attribute of God? It is; and I embrace and adore that mercy: that mercy which is so freely offered to the worst of sinners: that mercy which is made sure to us by the blood of a crucified Saviour. Oh my only refuge! my dearest hope and everlasting confidence! Teach me words to express the sentiments I have of thee, and the abhorrence I have of my guilt. I detest myself, hate my vile ingratitude, and am fully convinced of my own weakness, and the vanity of my best resolutions, without thy assisting grace. Oh grant me that, for the sake of my Redeemer; on that alone will I rely; never more will I trust to the strength of my own reason. I have found, by dear experience, that I am folly and inconstancy itself: without thy aid I am worse than nothing, but with the blessing I implore, I shall be more than conqueror. But is the sin I have now been lamenting, the only instance of the wickedness and deceitfulness of my heart? Alas! it is not: I have innumerable proofs of its treachery; every day, every hour brings some, and gives me new cause for grief and repentance. I resolve frequently, no more to repine at the misfortunes I lie under; no more to look back with discontent, or forwards with distrust. And these resolutions I strengthen, by reflections on the wisdom of God: how much better he knows to chuse for me, than I could for myself; and how unavailing impatience is under ills, I cannot prevent. Then I consider how small my punishment is, in comparison of what I deserve, and should suffer, was not the Almighty infinitely merciful; and what blessings afflictions are productive of, when received with humility and resignation. *And yet after all this, how often do I catch my deceitful heart breathing an impious sigh, and by this secret complaint accusing Providence! How often are my eyes lift up, with a “Lord! why am I thus miserable? Why, while I see all around me gay and prosperous, must I alone be unfortunate, and mourn, without finding one to pity me? What have I done to deserve the being disappointed in every thing I have set my affections on, and deceived by every friend I have trusted?”—With this surprising boldness have I dared to expostulate with my Maker; and yet his mercy still allows me life, and time for repentance. Oh thou adorable Being! may I never more offend thee by a discontented word or thought: but grant that every faculty of my soul, may be in perfect resignation to thy will; and by this resignation, acquire that tranquillity and peace, which all the delights of the earth are not able to give.

Again. I resolve every day to be perfectly easy under every little mortification I may meet in the common occurrences of life. How weak (I cry) is it to be affected by the folly or ill-nature of the world! Why should I regard the sneers of people, whose low sentiments are only deserving pity? Can the unreasonable, and unjust notions of another, rob me of any real merit? Can an envious, a malicious, or a detracting speech, do me any material injury, unless I give it force myself, by my impatience and want of temper? No certainly: nothing from without can hurt me, but by my own fault. A mind fortified with religion, is proof against the darts of senseless tattle, or ill-natured wit. Firm and collected within itself, it smiles superior, and looks down on the ignorant and the malicious with pity.—These reflections are just; and Oh that I could reduce them into practice! But here I miserably fail. *After my soul has plumed herself with these fine notions, and is ready to pronounce herself equal to every trial, she sinks in the most shameful manner. A word, a look, nay the very appearance of a slight, throws me into the greatest uneasiness and confusion; and though I can govern my temper enough to hide it from the world, my heart is ready to burst with indignation. Strange weakness!—But why do I call it strange? Am I not too well acquainted with the fatal cause of this, and almost every sin I am guilty of? ’Tis vanity, that intolerable vanity, which mixes itself with all I act, or speak, or think. When I look strictly into my deceitful and wicked heart, I find it so full of this abominable vice, that I regard myself with horror and amazement; and yet perhaps the next moment, indulge in airy schemes and self-complacency. Sure there is not in the whole universe, so vain and sinful a wretch as I am! What can I hope for? What can I expect? Will not eternal rejection from the presence of God be justly my portion? Oh, thought of unutterable horror! My God! My only hope! Can I think of being for ever cast out from the light of thy countenance, and live? Why does not the dreadful idea at once put an end to my being? All the torments of damnation are summed up in these shocking words—Eternal rejection from thy presence!—Oh gracious and adorable being! let me not be thus beyond imagination cursed. In the name of my blessed Saviour, I implore thy pity! Oh look with compassion on a soul which pants for grace and forgiveness! A soul sensible of her weak and ♦polluted state, and entirely relying on thy mercy. O speak peace to this troubled sea, and all shall be calm! Give me strength to resist those temptations I so often sink under! But above all, change this wicked and deceitful heart, and give me a new heart and a new spirit. Mortify in me all proud thoughts and vain opinions of myself, and let not the blessings thou hast bestowed upon me increase my condemnation, by being made motives for pride and vainglory. Hear and grant my requests, Oh ever-merciful God, for the sake of Jesus Christ, our only Mediator and Redeemer. Amen.

Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will refresh you.

THESE, Oh compassionate Saviour, were thy words; this thy gracious call, and I obey it. I come unto thee, Oh thou light of the world! for rest, peace and everlasting refreshment. Wearied with treading the paths of folly and vanity; wearied with deceitful hopes and idle fears, and all the gay delusions of this world, I come to thee for peace, and with full assurance of obtaining it. Assurance founded on thy promises; those promises which are truth itself: merciful as thy own ♦beneficent nature, and unalterable as thy being. Heaven and earth shall pass away, but thy word shall never fail. Encouraged by this word, I come: not even the reflection of my absolute unworthiness shall keep me from thee. ’Tis to sinners that this heavenly call is addressed; sinners that labour under the heavy burden of their offence; and such am I. The miserable wretch who is chained to the oar, is not more weary of his slavery, than I am of my sins: the sins which so easily beset me, and so often conquer my best resolutions. Every hour I have new reason to lament my weakness, and to confess that thy grace is my only refuge. O let that grace, which has kept me from all infamous crimes, be also my preservative against those sins of the mind, which, though hid from the short-sighted world, are all open to thee, and render my soul equally odious to the eye of heaven. Oh save me from myself! From my own proud thoughts and vain affections! I come to thee, blessed Jesus, that I may have rest: Oh give me that rest! Then shall all be perfect peace and harmony, and my soul shall feel no emotions but those of joy and gratitude, eternal gratitude to my gracious and Almighty Benefactor.

This corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.

OH glorious and ever transporting thought! Sure and never failing remedy for all the troubles and disappointments of life!—Incorruption and immortality!—Let me dwell on the charming words: they carry peace and everlasting joy in the sound. And yet how little can my soul understand of their full import, clogged by the weight of flesh and blood? Darkened by this cloud of sin and error, what true idea can she form of incorruption? But if the faint shadow and distant prospect affords such delight, what will the full enjoyment give? Imagination is lost in the dazzling reflection! All the scenes of this lower world vanish as a mist before the sun: and my elevated soul wholly absorbed in contemplation of those mighty blessings seems to soar above the stars, and launch into the sea of eternity. My God! My everlasting hope! Great and adorable Creator of all things! Where shall I find words expressive of my wonder, my joy, and gratitude? Thy mercy, thy free, and boundless mercy, from nothing called me into being, and made that being capable of an endless duration: formed me for eternity! And what raises the benefit infinitely higher, for an eternity of happiness! Not the united power of men and devils can deprive me of this without my own consent: and if I am miserable I have no one to blame, except myself. O merciful God! I adore thee past all expression, and the notions I have of thy divine attributes inspire me with an unbounded confidence. Unworthy as I am of the least of all thy mercies, I cannot but hope for the greatest; and in the midst of my continual offences, I look up to thee, as my friend, my only refuge, and constant benefactor. When I grieve for my sins, ’tis not from fear of punishment, but from the cutting reflection of my black ingratitude, in offending my Creator and Preserver, the God in whom I live, and move, and have my being; the God to whom I owe infinitely more than I can conceive; to whom I owe the glorious, and the assured hopes of incorruption and immortality. And here again, O my soul, take wing, again lose thyself in the blissful prospect! Think on the joy thou wilt feel, when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption; when this companion (which in spite of the miseries it betrays thee into, is still dear and still too tenderly beloved) shall become (instead of a clog, or a prison) a vehicle pure and ethereal, perfectly fitted for all the purposes of thy enlarged faculties, and the completion of thy glory and happiness. O blessed and desirable re-union! State of permanent delight, and never fading joy! With what rapture does thy idea inspire my soul! Fired by thoughts like these, I rise far above the most glorious prospects, earth, with all her boasted varieties, can give. Pleasures, riches, honours, what are ye all? Emptiness and nothing.—At the least glimpse of eternal day, how ye vanish into soft air! Lost are all your shining toys; your painted glories intirely lost! And Oh may their deluding shadows never return to darken my soul! May the God whom I trust, preserve me from all their temptations; may his mercy ever protect and guide me, and bring me in the end to that state of incorruption and immortality, which I hope for through the merits and mediation of our blessed Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Amen.

THIS text is so strong a proof of the unreasonableness and folly of national or religious prejudices, that one would imagine it should intirely banish those odious and pernicious principles, from the whole Christian world. But daily experience too plainly discovers the contrary; and the very people who would be thought to have the greatest zeal for the good of souls, are of all others the readiest to condemn those who dissent from them. ’Tis a common (though false assertion) of libertines, that priests of all religions are the same. But they might truly affirm, that bigots of all religions are the same, equally destructive of the peace of their fellow-creatures, and the laws of civil society. What wild havock, what horrid scenes of blood and slaughter, have been produced by mistaken zeal and blind prejudice? The histories of former times abound with shocking instances of this kind; and, strange inconsistency! the persecuted party have no sooner got the upper hand, but they have, with the power, assumed the spirit of their persecutors, and been guilty of the very acts of injustice they had so loudly exclaimed against. ’Tis true, the degrees and kinds of persecution differ, according to the particular notions of the sects, or the particular law of the states where it is practised. But persecution, in whatever shape or degree, is still persecution, and proceeds from that spirit of prejudice and bigotry, which make us look on God as a respecter of persons, and on all those who differ from us as his enemies, and consequently, deserving nothing at our hands but contempt and cruelty. Thus the furious Roman Catholic brands with the name of heretic, all who are without the pale of his church, pursues them with fire and sword in this world, and sentences them to eternal punishment in the next. And the staunch, sour Protestant devoutly expatiates on the crying sin of idolatry, never thinks of the Pope without joining with him antichrist and the devil, absolutely pronounces the church of Rome to be the whore of Babylon, and expects (with great Christian charity) that in a few ages more, she and all her members will be swallowed up in the bottomless pit, the lake of fire and brimstone. Nay, the bigots of (even) the little trifling sects into which the reformed religion is subdivided, all agree to damn each other, and wholly to appropriate to those of their own denomination, the title of God’s church, and God’s chosen.—Surprizing narrowness of soul! Worse than Jewish stupidity! They had some excuse for their arrogancy: the particular manner in which Providence had distinguished them from the rest of the world, seemed to be some foundation for their pride to build on. And ’tis not to be wondered, that the dark shadow of the law should obscure the principle of universal benevolence. But that people under the glorious dispensation of the gospel, men who pretend to be followers of that Jesus, whose whole life was a scene of moderation and charity, who laid down his life for his enemies, and prayed for his murderers: in a word, that Christians should despise, hate, and persecute their fellow Christians, is a consideration equally melancholly and amazing! *Mistaken men! Is then the great Creator of the universe, the Preserver of all his creatures, the God of mercy, who would not that any one should perish, is this adorable Being a respecter of persons? Is his justice to be biassed by your foolish distinctions? Or his mercy lessened by your uncharitable judgments? In vain you would make the Almighty a party in your quarrel, and pretend to be fighting his cause! He disclaims such furious champions; nor will true religion allow of defenders, who are destroying the most glorious part of her system, that principle of universal charity, which in the apostolical times was the distinguishing mark of Christianity. It was then said, See how these Christians love one another! But now (sad contrast!) see how these Christians hate one another! Oh blessed and ever-merciful God! look down with compassion on the deplorable state of the Christian world! See how thy church is laid waste and rent asunder, by the fraud, malice, or blind zeal of particular men: in one place, over-run by superstition; in another, undermined by scepticism: and every where robbed of her primitive peace and purity. Oh restore that purity! Restore that peace! Heal her breaches, reform her superstitions, and grant that we may, with one heart and one mind, with universal love and unbounded charity to our fellow-creatures, and a firm and lively faith in our blessed Redeemer, adore thee the only true God; and, after a life of piety and virtue, attain one of unalterable glory and happiness. Amen.

WHEN we are deprived of all the joys of life, betrayed by those we trusted, forsaken by our friends, triumphed over by our enemies, and robbed of our dearest hopes, where and to whom must we go for relief? What comfort can be hoped in a condition so desperate.—Will reflection on the past give us ease?—Alas! it makes our wounds still deeper; and every remembrance of the treachery of our friends, or the malice of our enemies, draws a new sigh from the opprest and aching heart, and a fresh tear from the sinking eye.—Shall we look forwards?—All dark and gloomy is the prospect, and the mind, wearied with affliction, and wholly deprest by grief and disappointments, shudders at the thought of launching again into the sea of delusions, of again trusting, and being again deceived. In circumstances so deplorable, nothing can calm our grief, nothing afford us one moment’s peace, but seeking early after God. And happy! Thrice happy! That soul, which can say with the royal Psalmist, O God! thou art my God, my refuge in all my distresses, my only hope, and everlasting peace!—A man who can look up to the great Author of nature, with a confidence like this, who can seek after God with full assurance of finding him, and in him a sure relief for all the troubles and miseries of life, is superior to all events, and may be happy in the most terrible afflictions. Is he deprived of his estate, reduced to a despised and unrelieved poverty? He is still rich in the pleasing hopes, that his God will one day bestow on him a glorious and never-failing inheritance. Is he by death robbed of his dearest friends? His grief is immediately calmed, by the thoughts of that eternal state to which he is every moment approaching, and where he will meet those dear objects of his tenderness, never, never to be parted from them more. Is his reputation made a sacrifice to spite and calumny, and himself condemned, reviled, and hated, by his acquaintance? Still true to his principles, and firm in his trust on the Almighty, he braves the storm, and with joy he looks forward to that day, when his accusers shall be covered with shame and confusion, and his innocence declared in the sight of men and angels. *Is he betrayed by those he trusted with an unbounded confidence, by those who were dear to him as himself, and for whose life he would freely have paid his own? Even in this affliction (which is of all others grating to human nature) he is still the most master of himself, and possessing his soul in patience and resignation, looks up to that friend who will never deceive him, to that God who is truth itself. Convinced of the folly of placing his love and trust on creatures, he fixes it wholly on the eternal Creator, and acknowledges with sincerity the mercy of God, in thus graciously releasing his heart from those deluding ties, which had so often drawn him from the centre of true happiness, the end of his being. Thus blessed is he, who can say with faith, gratitude, and humility, O God, thou art my God!—Grant, Oh most adorable and omnipotent Being! Grant me this glorious privilege! I have nothing more to ask. That thou art my God, is a blessing infinitely greater than the whole creation can bestow; infinitely beyond all I can ask or conceive. Possessed of this, I can defy the combined malice of men and devils. Welcome distress, poverty, disappointment, and affliction of all kinds, even what I have most dreaded! Welcome all, if it is the will of heaven! What hurt are ye capable of doing me, while I can say to the rock of ages, “Thou art my God?” And certainly, Oh thou fountain of life, and author of all good, ’tis thy gracious will that I should thus address thee; else why this firm reliance on thee in all my afflictions? Why this entire confidence on thy mercy and goodness, in the midst of my sufferings? How often, when my heart has been sinking under a load of sorrow, have I found relief and comfort, by applying to thee? In troubles, which I have thought impossible to be endured, thou hast been my support; and when at any time I have been tempted to discontent, and dared to murmur and complain, how quickly has thy grace inspired me with remorse for my impiety; and enabled me to make a new act of resignation to thy Providence! Sure and infallible proofs, that thou art my God! And Oh may I never repay those instances of thy compassion and tender mercy with ingratitude! Never more distrust the power which has so often delivered me! But grant, Almighty Father, that in all the trials thou hast allotted me in this mortal state, I may seek thee early, and in seeking thee, find all the blessings thou hast promised, peace and perfect tranquillity in this life, and everlasting joy and happiness in the next! These favours, these blessings I implore in the name, and for the sake of my merciful Redeemer, Jesus Christ.