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The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 02 (of 11) / Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original Illustrations cover

The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 02 (of 11) / Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original Illustrations

Chapter 58: TRIMMER’S EXERCISE, FOR THE USE OF CHILDREN.

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About This Book

This collection gathers comic and serious shorter pieces in verse and prose, ranging from playful nautical ballads and satirical sketches to reflective sonnets and melancholy vignettes. The contents alternate burlesque humour and domestic observation, presenting character portraits, fables, reminiscences, odes, and occasional social or political barbs. Recurring motifs include seaside life and maritime mishaps, everyday urban scenes, human foibles, and compassionate notices of poverty and infirmity. The tone shifts between witty wordplay and tender pathos, and the sequence mixes lyrical experiments, mock‑heroic pieces, and short prose narratives that foreground irony, linguistic invention, and moral observation.

TRIMMER’S EXERCISE,
FOR THE USE OF CHILDREN.

Here, come, Master Timothy Todd,

Before we have done you’ll look grimmer,

You’ve been spelling some time for the rod,

And your jacket shall know I’m a Trimmer.

You don’t know your A from your B,

So backward you are in your Primer;

Don’t kneel—you shall go on my knee,

For I’ll have you to know I’m a Trimmer.

This morning you hinder’d the cook,

By melting your dumps in the skimmer;

Instead of attending your book,—

But I’ll have you to know I’m a Trimmer.

To-day, too, you went to the pond,

And bathed, though you are not a swimmer:

And with parents so doting and fond—

But I’ll have you to know I’m a Trimmer.

After dinner you went to the wine,

And help’d yourself—yes, to a brimmer;

You couldn’t walk straight in a line,

But I’ll make you to know I’m a Trimmer.

FANCY PORTRAIT—MRS. TRIMMER.

You kick little Tomkins about,

Because he is slighter and slimmer;

Are the weak to be thump’d by the stout?

But I’ll have you to know I’m a Trimmer.

Then you have a sly pilfering trick,

Your school-fellows call you the nimmer,—

I will cut to the bone if you kick!

For I’ll have you to know I’m a Trimmer.

To-day you made game at my back:

You think that my eyes are grown dimmer,

But I watch’d you, I’ve got a sly knack!

And I’ll have you to know I’m a Trimmer.

Don’t think that my temper is hot,

It’s never beyond a slow simmer;

I’ll teach you to call me Dame Trot,

But I’ll have you to know I’m a Trimmer.

Miss Edgeworth, or Mrs. Chapone,

Might melt to behold your tears glimmer;

Mrs. Barbauld would let you alone,

But I’ll have you to know I’m a Trimmer.

LITTLE JACK AND HIS TRIMMER.