The Works of William Shakespeare [Cambridge Edition] [Vol. 4 of 9]

ACT II.

Scene I. Rochester. An inn yard.

Enter a Carrier with a lantern in his hand.[2227]

First Car. Heigh-ho! an it be not four by the day,[2228]
I'll be hanged: Charles' wain is over the new chimney, and
yet our horse not packed. What, ostler!

Ost. [Within] Anon, anon.[2229]

First Car. I prithee, Tom, beat Cut's saddle, put a5
few flocks in the point; poor jade, is wrung in the withers [2230]
out of all cess.

Enter another Carrier.[2231]

Sec. Car. Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog,[2232]
and that is the next way to give poor jades the bots: this [2233]
house is turned upside down since Robin Ostler died.[2234]10

First Car. Poor fellow, never joyed since the price of [2235]
oats rose; it was the death of him.

Sec. Car. I think this be the most villanous house in [2236]
all London road for fleas: I am stung like a tench.[2237]

First Car. Like a tench! by the mass, there is ne'er a[2237][2238]15
king christen could be better bit than I have been since [2239]
the first cock.

Sec. Car. Why, they will allow us ne'er a jordan, and [2240]
then we leak in your chimney; and your chamber-lie breeds [2241]
fleas like a loach.20

First Car. What, ostler! come away and be hanged!
come away.

Sec. Car. I have a gammon of bacon and two razes of [2242]
ginger, to be delivered as far as Charing-cross.

First Car. God's body! the turkeys in my pannier are [2243]25
quite starved. What, ostler! A plague on thee! hast thou
never an eye in thy head? canst not hear? An 'twere not [2244]
as good deed as drink, to break the pate on thee, I am a [2245]
very villain. Come, and be hanged! hast no faith in thee?

Enter Gadshill.[2246]

Gads. Good morrow, carriers. What's o'clock?30

First Car. I think it be two o'clock.

Gads. I prithee, lend me thy lantern, to see my gelding
in the stable.

First Car. Nay, by God, soft; I know a trick worth [2247]
two of that, i' faith.[2248]35

Gads. I pray thee, lend me thine.[2249]

Sec. Car. Ay, when? canst tell? Lend me thy lantern,
quoth he? marry, I'll see thee hanged first.[2250]

Gads. Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come
to London?40

Sec. Car. Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I
warrant thee. Come, neighbour Mugs, we'll call up the
gentlemen: they will along with company, for they have
great charge. [Exeunt Carriers.[2251]

Gads. What, ho! chamberlain![2252]45

Cham. [Within] At hand, quoth pick-purse.[2253]

Gads. That's even as fair as—at hand, quoth the [2254]
chamberlain; for thou variest no more from picking of
purses than giving direction doth from labouring; thou
layest the plot how.[2255]50

Enter Chamberlain.

Cham. Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current
that I told you yesternight: there's a franklin in the
wild of Kent hath brought three hundred marks with him
in gold: I heard him tell it to one of his company last
night at supper; a kind of auditor; one that hath abundance55
of charge too, God knows what. They are up already, and
call for eggs and butter: they will away presently.

Gads. Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas'
clerks, I'll give thee this neck.

Cham. No, I'll none of it: I pray thee, keep that for [2256]60
the hangman; for I know thou worshippest Saint Nicholas
as truly as a man of falsehood may.

Gads. What talkest thou to me of the hangman? if I
hang, I'll make a fat pair of gallows; for if I hang, old Sir
John hangs with me, and thou knowest he is no starveling [2257]65
Tut! there are other Trojans that thou dreamest
not of, the which for sport sake are content to do the profession
some grace; that would, if matters should be looked
into, for their own credit sake, make all whole. I am joined [2258]
with no foot-land rakers, no long-staff sixpenny strikers,[2259]70
none of these mad mustachio purple-hued malt-worms; but [2260]
with nobility and tranquillity, burgomasters and great oneyers,[2261][2262]
such as can hold in, such as will strike sooner than[2262][2263]
speak, and speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner than[2263][2264]
pray: and yet, 'zounds, I lie; for they pray continually to [2265]75
their saint, the commonwealth; or rather, not pray to her,[2266][2267]
but prey on her, for they ride up and down on her and[2267][2268]
make her their boots.[2268]

Cham. What, the commonwealth their boots? will she
hold out water in foul way?80

Gads. She will, she will; justice hath liquored her.
We steal as in a castle, cock-sure; we have the receipt of
fern-seed, we walk invisible.

Cham. Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding [2269]
to the night than to fern-seed for your walking invisible.[2270]85

Gads. Give me thy hand: thou shalt have a share in
our purchase, as I am a true man.[2271]

Cham. Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false
thief.

Gads. Go to; 'homo' is a common name to all men.90
Bid the ostler bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell,[2272]
you muddy knave. [Exeunt.[2273]

Scene II. The highway, near Gadshill.

Enter Prince Henry and Poins.[2274]

Poins. Come, shelter, shelter: I have removed Falstaff's
horse, and he frets like a gummed velvet.

Prince. Stand close.

Enter Falstaff.[2275]

Fal. Poins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins!

Prince. Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! what a brawling [2276]5
dost thou keep!

Fal. Where's Poins, Hal?[2277]

Prince. He is walked up to the top of the hill: I'll go
seek him.[2278]

Fal. I am accursed to rob in that thief's company: the [2279]10
rascal hath removed my horse, and tied him I know not [2280]
where. If I travel but four foot by the squier further afoot,[2281]
I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but to die a fair
death for all this, if I 'scape hanging for killing that rogue.
I have forsworn his company hourly any time this two and [2282]15
twenty years, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue's[2282][2283]
company. If the rascal have not given me medicines to
make me love him, I'll be hanged; it could not be else; I
have drunk medicines. Poins! Hal! a plague upon you [2284]
both! Bardolph! Peto! I'll starve ere I'll rob a foot further.[2285]20
An 'twere not as good a deed as drink, to turn true [2286]
man and to leave these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that [2287]
ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground
is threescore and ten miles afoot with me; and the stony-hearted
villains know it well enough: a plague upon it [2288]25
when thieves cannot be true one to another! [They whistle.][2289]
Whew! A plague upon you all! Give me my horse, you [2290]
rogues; give me my horse, and be hanged!

Prince. Peace, ye fat-guts! lie down; lay thine ear
close to the ground and list if thou canst hear the tread of [2291]30
travellers.

Fal. Have you any levers to lift me up again, being
down? 'Sblood, I'll not bear mine own flesh so far afoot [2292]
again for all the coin in thy father's exchequer. What a
plague mean ye to colt me thus?35

Prince. Thou liest; thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.

Fal. I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse,
good king's son.

Prince. Out, ye rogue! shall I be your ostler?[2293]40

Fal. Go, hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent garters![2294]
If I be ta'en, I'll peach for this. An I have not ballads made [2295]
on you all and sung to filthy tunes, let a cup of sack be my [2296]
poison: when a jest is so forward, and afoot too! I hate it.[2297]

Enter Gadshill, Bardolph and Peto with him.[2298]

Gads. Stand.45

Fal. So I do, against my will.

Poins. O, 'tis our setter: I know his voice. Bardolph,[2299]
what news?[2299]

Bard. Case ye, case ye; on with your vizards: there's [2300]
money of the king's coming down the hill; 'tis going to the50
king's exchequer.

Fal. You lie, ye rogue; 'tis going to the king's tavern.[2301]

Gads. There's enough to make us all.[2302]

Fal. To be hanged.

Prince. Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow [2303]55
lane; Ned Poins and I will walk lower: if they 'scape from [2304]
your encounter, then they light on us.

Peto. How many be there of them?[2305]

Gads. Some eight or ten.

Fal.'Zounds, will they not rob us?[2306]60

Prince. What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?

Fal. Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather;[2307]
but yet no coward, Hal.

Prince. Well, we leave that to the proof.[2308]

Poins. Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge:65
when thou needest him, there thou shalt find him. Farewell,[2309]
and stand fast.

Fal. Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged.

Prince. Ned, where are our disguises?

Poins. Here, hard by: stand close.70

[Exeunt Prince and Poins.[2310]

Fal. Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I:[2311]
every man to his business.

Enter the Travellers.[73]

First Trav. Come, neighbour: the boy shall lead our [2312][2313][2314]
horses down the hill; we'll walk afoot awhile, and ease[2314]
our legs.[2314]75

Thieves. Stand![2314][2315]

Travellers. Jesus bless us![2314][2316]

Fal. Strike; down with them; cut the villains' throats:[2314]
ah! whoreson caterpillars! bacon-fed knaves! they hate us[2314][2317]
youth: down with them; fleece them.[2314]80

Travellers. O, we are undone, both we and ours for ever![2314]

Fal. Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone? No,[2314][2318]
ye fat chuffs; I would your store were here! On, bacons,[2314]
on! What, ye knaves! young men must live. You are[2314][2319]
grandjurors, are ye? we'll jure ye, 'faith.[2314]85

[Here they rob them and bind them. Exeunt.

Re-enter Prince Henry and Poins.[2320]

Prince. The thieves have bound the true men. Now [2321]
could thou and I rob the thieves and go merrily to London,
it would be argument for a week, laughter for a
month and a good jest for ever.

Poins. Stand close; I hear them coming.[2322]90

Enter the Thieves again.[2323]

Fal. Come, my masters, let us share, and then to
horse before day. An the Prince and Poins be not two[2295]
arrant cowards, there's no equity stirring: there's no more [2324]
valour in that Poins than in a wild-duck.

Prince. Your money!95

Poins. Villains!

[As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set upon them; they all run away; and Falstaff, after a blow or two, runs away too, leaving the booty behind them.[2325]

Prince. Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse:
The thieves are all scatter'd and possess'd with fear [2326][2327]
So strongly that they dare not meet each other;[2326]
Each takes his fellow for an officer.[2326][2328]100
Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death,[2326][2329]
And lards the lean earth as he walks along:[2326]
Were 't not for laughing, I should pity him.[2326]

Poins. How the rogue roar'd! [Exeunt.

Scene III. Warkworth Castle.[2330]

Enter Hotspur solus, reading a letter.

Hot. 'But, for mine own part, my lord, I could be well contented
to be there, in respect of the love I bear your house.' He [2331]
could be contented: why is he not, then? In respect of [2332]
the love he bears our house: he shows in this, he loves
his own barn better than he loves our house. Let me5
see some more. 'The purpose you undertake is dangerous;'—why,
that's certain: 'tis dangerous to take a cold, to sleep, to
drink; but I tell you, my lord fool, out of this nettle,
danger, we pluck this flower, safety. 'The purpose you undertake [2333]
is dangerous; the friends you have named uncertain; the time [2334]10
itself unsorted; and your whole plot too light for the counterpoise
of so great an opposition.' Say you so, say you so? I say
unto you again, you are a shallow cowardly hind, and you
lie. What a lack-brain is this! By the Lord, our plot is [2335]
a good plot as ever was laid; our friends true and constant:[2336]15
a good plot, good friends, and full of expectation;
an excellent plot, very good friends. What a frosty-spirited
rogue is this! Why, my lord of York commends the plot
and the general course of the action. 'Zounds, an I were [2337]
now by this rascal, I could brain him with his lady's fan.20
Is there not my father, my uncle, and myself? lord
Edmund Mortimer, my lord of York, and Owen Glendower?
is there not besides the Douglas? have I not all
their letters to meet me in arms by the ninth of the next
month? and are they not some of them set forward already?[2338]25
What a pagan rascal is this! an infidel! Ha! you shall [2339]
see now in very sincerity of fear and cold heart, will he to
the king, and lay open all our proceedings. O, I could
divide myself, and go to buffets, for moving such a dish of
skim milk with so honourable an action! Hang him! let [2340]30
him tell the king: we are prepared. I will set forward [2341]
to-night.

Enter Lady Percy.[2342]

How now, Kate! I must leave you within these two hours.[2343]

Lady. O, my good Lord, why are you thus alone?
For what offence have I this fortnight been35
A banish'd woman from my Harry's bed?
Tell me, sweet lord, what is 't that takes from thee
Thy stomach, pleasure, and thy golden sleep?
Why dost thou bend thine eyes upon the earth,[2344]
And start so often when thou sit'st alone?40
Why hast thou lost the fresh blood in thy cheeks;
And given my treasures and my rights of thee
To thick-eyed musing and cursed melancholy?
In thy faint slumbers I by thee have watch'd,[2345]
And heard thee murmur tales of iron wars;[2346]45
Speak terms of manage to thy bounding steed;
Cry 'Courage! to the field!' And thou hast talk'd
Of sallies and retires, of trenches, tents,[2347]
Of palisadoes, frontiers, parapets,[2348]
Of basilisks, of cannon, culverin,50
Of prisoners' ransom, and of soldiers slain,[2349]
And all the currents of a heady fight.[2350]
Thy spirit within thee hath been so at war [2351]
And thus hath so bestirred thee in thy sleep,[2352]
That beads of sweat have stood upon thy brow,[2353]55
Like bubbles in a late-disturbed stream;[2354]
And in thy face strange motions have appear'd,
Such as we see when men restrain their breath
On some great sudden hest. O, what portents are these?[2355]
Some heavy business hath my lord in hand,60
And I must know it, else he loves me not.

Hot. What, ho!

Enter Servant.[2356]