The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Young Housekeeper's Friend
Title: The Young Housekeeper's Friend
Author: Mrs. Cornelius
Release date: June 2, 2014 [eBook #45863]
Most recently updated: October 24, 2024
Language: English
Credits: E-text prepared by Julia Miller, Les Galloway, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) from page images generously made available by Internet Archive/American Libraries (https://archive.org/details/americana)
The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Young Housekeeper's Friend, by Mrs. (Mary Hooker) Cornelius
| Note: | Images of the original pages are available through Internet Archive/American Libraries. See https://archive.org/details/younghousekeeper00corn |
THE
YOUNG
HOUSEKEEPER'S FRIEND.
BY
MRS. CORNELIUS.
REVISED AND ENLARGED.
BOSTON:
BROWN, TAGGARD AND CHASE.
1859.
Entered according to Act of Congress in the year 1859, by
M. H. CORNELIUS,
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the District of Massachusetts.
CAMBRIDGE:
ALLEN AND FARNHAM, ELECTROTYPERS AND PRINTERS.
PREFACE.
In preparing this little volume, my aim has been to furnish to young housekeepers the best aid that a book can give in the departments of which it treats. No printed guide can perfectly supply the place of that experience which is gained by early and habitual attention to domestic concerns. But the directions here given are designed to be so minute, and of so practical a character, that the observance of them shall prevent very many of the perplexities which most young people suffer during their first years of married life.
The receipts, with the exception of about twenty which are copied from books, are furnished from my own experience, or that of my immediate friends. An ample variety is given for furnishing the table of any American family; but especial reference has been had to those who have neither poverty nor riches; and such directions have been given as will enable a housekeeper to provide a good and healthful table, or, if desired, a handsome one, at a moderate expense.
To save repetition, very minute directions are given at the head of every chapter, by attending to which, the least experienced cook will learn how to proceed in making each article for which a receipt is given.
I do not attempt to give directions in regard to the best methods of taking care of all sorts of furniture, and performing all the various kinds of household labor, because there are works already published which furnish copious and judicious instructions on these subjects.
It may be asked, "Why then publish a book of counsels and receipts, for there surely are many receipt-books?" This is true; but while some of them are not ample guides on the subjects of which they treat, others are based upon a plan both expensive and unhealthy, and all of them that I have seen, leave an inexperienced housekeeper at a loss in regard to many of the things most necessary to economy and comfort.
I have seen many a young lady, just entered upon the duties of married life, perplexed and prematurely care-worn, for want of experience, or a little good instruction, in regard to the simplest domestic processes; and often have felt, with the sincerest sympathy, an earnest wish to render her some effectual aid. If I succeed in affording it through this little book, I shall esteem myself happy; and I have only to ask, in conclusion, that my numerous young friends, and all the youthful housekeepers into whose hands it may fall, will receive it as a token of my friendly interest and best wishes.
M. H. C.
Andover.
PREFACE
TO THE REVISED EDITION.
My aim in the revision of this little book has been to make the arrangement of the receipts and of the index more convenient, the directions more simple and clear, and the entire collection more select and reliable. In place of some of the old receipts many choice new ones are substituted, which, so far as I know, have not been in print before. All of them have been attested by experience, either my own, or of friends in whose judgment in such matters I have entire confidence. The last chapter, written long since in compliance with frequent requests from young friends, is appended in the hope that it will increase the usefulness of the book to those for whose benefit it was originally designed.
I trust it is not improper for me to add, that among the motives which have led to the present revision, is the favor with which many ladies have regarded this book in its original form, notwithstanding its confessed imperfections. It has been my earnest wish for years to make it more worthy of such estimation; and hoping that it will prove a better Friend to Young Housekeepers than it has hitherto been, I ask for the continued patronage of those who have so long and so kindly overlooked its faults.
M. H. C.
March, 1859.
CONTENTS.
THE
YOUNG HOUSEKEEPER'S FRIEND.
COUNSELS AND SUGGESTIONS.
Good housekeeping compatible with intellectual culture.—Persevering attention rewarded.—Effects of unhealthy diet.—Responsibleness of women.—Application of the principles of religion to the duties of domestic life.
A symmetrical education is extremely rare in this country. Nothing is more common than to see young ladies, whose intellectual attainments are of a high order, profoundly ignorant of the duties which all acknowledge to belong peculiarly to women. Consequently many have to learn, after marriage, how to take care of a family; and thus their housekeeping is, frequently, little else than a series of experiments; often unsuccessful, resulting in mortification and discomfort in the parlor, and waste and ill temper in the kitchen.
So numerous are these instances, that excellence in housekeeping has come to be considered as incompatible with superior intellectual culture. But it is not so. The most elevated minds fulfil best the every-day duties of life. If young women would resolve, let the effort cost what it will, to perfect themselves in their appropriate duties, a defective domestic education would soon be remedied. Observation and persevering attention would give the requisite knowledge, and their efforts would bring a speedy and ample reward. It were far better, when they enter upon the station of a mistress of a family, to be already possessed of such experience as would enable them easily to regulate the expenditures, and so to systematize the work of every day, as to secure economy, comfort, neatness, and order. But if this knowledge has not been previously acquired, let not the learner be discouraged, or for a moment yield to the idea of "letting things take their course." No woman can innocently or safely settle down upon this conclusion. The good to be lost, and the evils incurred, are too great to admit of such a decision. The result will certainly be uncomfortable; and it would not be strange if the dearest domestic affections were thus chilled, and the most valuable family interests sacrificed.
How often do we see the happiness of a husband abridged by the absence of skill, neatness, and economy in the wife! Perhaps he is not able to fix upon the cause, for he does not understand minutely enough the processes upon which domestic order depends, to analyze the difficulty; but he is conscious of discomfort. However improbable it may seem, the health of many a professional man is undermined, and his usefulness curtailed, if not sacrificed, because he habitually eats bad bread.
How frequently, in case of students in the various professions, is the brightest promise of future attainment and honor overshadowed by a total loss of health; and the young scholar, in whom the choicest hopes were garnered up, is compelled to relinquish his studies, and turn his unwilling thoughts to other pursuits; or, worse than this, he becomes a helpless invalid for life. Yet even this is an enviable lot, compared with his, whose noble intellectual powers have become like the broken chords of an instrument that shall never again utter its melody. But are such evils as these to be traced to the use of unwholesome food? Every intelligent physician, every superintendent of our insane hospitals, testifies that in very many instances, this is the prominent cause.
We often see the most pious Christians heavy-hearted, and doubting their share in the great salvation; mistaking the salutary discipline of their Heavenly Father for the rod of an offended judge; forgetting the freeness of the mercy offered, looking only at their own unworthiness, and refusing to be comforted. Instances of this sort, resulting in incurable melancholy, may frequently be traced to the same cause. The human body and mind are so intimately associated, that the functions of the one cannot be disturbed without deranging the action of the other; and it is doubtless true, that many a hopeless heart and feeble body would be more benefited by a wholesome diet, than by the instructions of the minister, or the prescriptions of the physician. To say the least, the good offices of these will avail little while counteracted by the want of the other.
If this subject has a direct bearing upon the health of families, so also does it exert an immediate influence upon their virtue. There are numerous instances of worthy merchants and mechanics, whose efforts are paralyzed, and their hopes chilled by the total failure of the wife in her sphere of duty; and who seek solace under their disappointment in the wine-party, or the late convivial supper. Many a day-laborer, on his return at evening from his hard toil, is repelled by the sight of a disorderly house and a comfortless supper; and perhaps is met by a cold eye instead of "the thriftie wifie's smile;" and he makes his escape to the grog-shop or the underground gambling-room. Can any human agency hinder the series of calamities entailed by these things? No! the most active philanthropy, the best schemes of organized benevolence, cannot furnish a remedy, unless the springs of society are rectified. The domestic influence of woman is certainly one of these. Every woman is invested with a great degree of power over the happiness and virtue of others. She cannot escape using it, and she cannot innocently pervert it. There is no avenue or channel of society through which it may not send a salutary influence; and when rightly directed, it is unsurpassed by any human instrumentality in its purifying and restoring efficacy.
The Bible sanctions this view of female obligation and influence, in the description it gives of the virtuous woman. "Her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good, and not evil, all the days of her life. She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh diligently with her hands. She is like the merchant's ships, she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field and buyeth it; with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good, and her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household; for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates."
Like the paintings of the old artists, the beauty of this exquisite picture is enhanced by the "softened hue of years," and like them it must be studied long ere its finest touches will be revealed. Female virtue is the same now that it was in the days of the wise man, and this portraiture is, in its outlines, still true to the life. Energy, industry, economy, order, skill, vigilance, cheerfulness, kindness, charity, discretion, and the fear of God, are as essential to the character of a good wife now, as they were then; and the effects of these are still the same in the embellishments of her house, the abundance of her stores, the happiness of her household, her husband's confidence in her, his honorable rank among the elders of the land, the virtues of her children, and her own felicity. To estimate the truth of the picture, we need only observe in society around us, that the happiest families are those in which the wife and mother most resembles it.
In connection with this subject, the inquiry suggests itself whether, in the "excessive externalism of the times," due prominence is given to the practice of home-duties as a part of religion? Whether the spirit of the New Testament is carried, as it should be, into the every-day concerns of life? Is not the giving largely to public objects of benevolence sometimes suffered to supersede the duty of "considering the poor," and "bringing him that is cast out to our house?" Are not the claims of a popular charity readily allowed, while the inevitable ills of life, of which every family must have its share, are sometimes permitted to remain unsoothed by the voice of sympathy, and the gentle ministry of skilful hands and a loving heart? We may even go to church, when we should offer purer incense to Him who sees the heart, by performing the humblest domestic labors at home. Let me not be misunderstood. The public institutions of religion have claims upon us which we cannot innocently set aside; but alas, erring mortals that we are! our piety is seldom symmetrical and consistent. We are prone to love publicity. We find it easier to give money, to enlist our energies in behalf of benevolent societies, to go with the multitude to the house of God, than to practise, in the retirement of home, the "charity which suffereth long and is kind, which envieth not, vaunteth not itself, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things, and never faileth." Can we not learn, while we do the one, not to leave the other undone?
Chapter without Title
Style of living.—Consistency.—Economy.—Neatness.—Habits of regular attention to family concerns.—Perplexing days.—Company.—Arrangement of family work for a week.—First instructions to domestics.—Patience.—Good temper.—Observance of the Golden Rule.—Self-government when accidents happen.—Sunday privileges.
Consider in the outset what mode of living best befits your station, resources, and obligations to others; and so adjust your plan that consistency[1] and appropriateness shall appear throughout. It is much better to adopt a style of expenditure below your means than above them. Of the unhappy effects of this last we have many examples in our country. A very little advance in the style of living, creates an additional expense greater than would at first be believed. That little sentence, "I can do without it," has saved thousands of dollars for future exigencies. Prodigality is as fruitful of mischief as Pandora's box, and no amount of wealth can justify it. Habits of wasteful expenditure are almost always accompanied with selfishness and a cold heart towards the claims of the poor. Be conscientious, therefore, in the practice of economy. Family comfort can hardly be found without it. Neatness is essential to it; for though there may be neatness without economy, there cannot be economy without neatness.
Accustom yourself to take good care of every thing you possess.
The best managers probably have, at first, a few disagreeable lessons to learn, in the loss of things forgotten or neglected for want of experience in having the entire care of a family. But it is to be hoped there are not many who lose five or six hams eaten by the rats, or forty yards of Russia linen laid upon the snow to whiten, and forgotten till reduced to a pulp fit only for the paper-mill.
Be economical without parsimony, liberal without waste, and practise the best methods of using your possessions without having your mind wholly absorbed by them.
In your arrangements for the table, have reference to the work which is in hand, so that dishes which are easily cooked shall be provided for those days when most work is to be done. A want of consideration in this particular often provokes ill temper, and may even occasion the loss of a good domestic. This is one of the errors which those are liable to commit who are unaccustomed to household labor. Provide a variety of food; a frugal table, with frequent change, is much more agreeable and healthy than a more expensive one, where nearly the same things are served up every day.
If you are subject to uninvited company, and your means do not allow you to set before your guests as good a table as they keep at home, do not distress yourself or them with apologies. If they are real friends, they will cheerfully sit down with you to such a table as is appropriate to your circumstances, and would be made uncomfortable by an effort on your part to provide a better one than you can afford. If your resources are ample, live in such a way that an unexpected visitor shall occasion no difference. The less alteration made in family arrangements on account of visitors, the happier for them as well as for you.
Never treat the subject of having company as if it were a great affair. Your doing this will excite your domestics, and lead them to imagine the addition to their usual work much greater than it is; your own cares, too, will be greatly magnified. A calm and quiet way of meeting all sorts of domestic vicissitudes, and of doing the work of each day, be it more or less, equalizes the pressure of care, and prevents its becoming oppressive.
Be composed when accidents happen to your furniture. The most careful hand is sometimes unsteady. Angry words will not mend broken glass or china, but they will teach your domestics to conceal such occurrences from you, and the only explanation ever given you will be, that they came apart. Encourage every one whom you employ to come immediately and tell you, when they have been so unfortunate as to break or injure any thing belonging to you. The cases are very rare, in which it is best to deduct the value from their wages.
In the best regulated families there will be some laborious, perplexing days. Adverse and inconvenient circumstances will cluster together. At those times, guard against two things,—discouragement and irritability. If others look on the dark side, find something cheering to say; if they fret, sympathize in their share of the trial, while you set them the example of bearing your part in it well.
Miss Hamilton's three maxims, so often quoted, are worthy of an indelible inscription in every house:—
"Do every thing in its proper time.
"Keep every thing to its proper use.
"Put every thing in its proper place."
She should have added, Do every thing in the best manner; for the habit of aiming at a perfect standard, is not only of the highest importance in our moral interests, but also proportionately so in reference to the common affairs of life.
Accustom yourself, each evening, to arrange in your own mind the meals for the next day, and also the extra work to be done by others, and what you will do yourself. This habit promotes order and system, and gives quietness and ease to the movement of the whole family machinery. When you see defects, such as irregularity, confusion, waste, or want of cleanliness in any part of your household concerns, consider what is the best remedy, and be willing to attend to the subject till the evil is cured.
Visit all the rooms and closets that are in constant use, every day. You will thus acquire that habit of attention to minutiæ, upon which neatness and order so much depend, and it will cost a less expenditure of time and effort to secure these ends, than if a great many little things requiring attention are suffered to accumulate. This habit will also have the best effect upon those who serve you. They will not be tempted to negligence or waste, by the idea that you will never discover it. They will anticipate your daily inspection, and soon find themselves so much benefited by your habits of system and order, that their own convenience will dictate obedience to your directions and suggestions. Endeavor so to perfect your plan, that when you have given the necessary time, be it longer or shorter, to domestic concerns each morning, you can dismiss them from your mind and attend to other things, giving to those no further thought, except that which results from a habit of observing whatever passes in the family.
When a new domestic enters your service, observe whether she seems to understand her business; if not, teach her your methods. Nothing can be more unreasonable than to expect a stranger to remember, and at once practise, a series of directions given all at once, and perhaps in a hurried manner. And yet, this is an injustice of which many a girl has to complain. What wonder if mutual dissatisfaction and a speedy separation is the result?[2] She is in a new situation, unacquainted with the various parts of your house, and the arrangements of your family. Therefore, duty and self-interest dictate, that you cheerfully instruct her, so far as is necessary; and a few days' attention to her manner of doing her work, will probably be rewarded by a much more skilful and willing service, than if no such care were bestowed. She will discover that you are kindly disposed, ready to appreciate her efforts, and capable of judging when her work is well done. Confidence is thus inspired, and she will be far more likely to become a faithful and permanent member of your household, than if left in the beginning to pursue her own course, and to be frowned upon if she does not happen to please.
Refrain from severity and too much frequency in finding fault, and be careful not to speak to domestics of their errors at a time when they are perplexed or very busy. To choose a good time, is as necessary to success as to avoid needless severity. If the dinner is not properly done, it is usually best to say nothing at the time; your cook will doubtless be conscious of her failure, and your silence will have a much better effect upon her than any thing you can then say; but the next time the same articles are to be cooked, remind her of the previous failure, point out the defect, and give her minute instructions how to avoid its repetition.
Good temper, decision, and reasonable requisitions will secure the confidence and respect of your domestics; while fretfulness, lack of good judgment, and unreasonable demands will alienate them from you, and involve you in endless perplexities. Nothing gives the mistress of a family such power as blended decision and gentleness; they are truly irresistible. You need not, you must not, if you regard the best welfare of your household, utter one impatient word from the beginning to the end of the year.
Study the dispositions of those whom you employ. If you keep several domestics, arrange their work so that there shall be as little collision with one another, as possible. Be as considerate of their comfort, as you could reasonably wish others to be of yours in like circumstances. An universal obedience to the Golden Rule would make this world a paradise, and perhaps it is more liable to be forgotten in this relation than in most others. The best management on your part, cannot always save those who serve you from weariness and vexation; but a well-timed word of kindness and sympathy does good like a medicine.
Learn so to systematize your concerns, that each day of the week shall have its appropriate work, and every domestic know, without being prompted, what she is to do on that day. Observe whether all do their appropriate work; but do not prompt them, unless you see that they are likely to forget. They should learn to feel the responsibility to be on their own memory—not yours.
In the morning, soon after breakfast, give all your directions about the dinner, and tea, and specify all the work you wish to have done in addition to the regular routine of the day. If you think of any thing more afterwards, defer it, if you can, till another day; nothing disturbs the temper of domestics more than to have additional work assigned them after the business of the day has been laid out.
The two following modes of arranging the work of a week, are designed for families whose pecuniary means allow an entirely comfortable, but not a costly mode of living; yet they may contain useful hints for those whose wealth admits of the employment of a number of domestics.
On Monday have the house swept and dusted, the clothes for the wash collected, and such articles mended as should be before being washed.
On Tuesday, wash; and here it should be observed, that those persons who have never practised washing, are often unreasonable in their requirements on this day. If there is but one domestic, she is of course to do the washing; but, unless the family is small, she could be excused from doing the cooking or other ordinary work of the family.
Every one acquainted with this part of family labor, knows that it is very discouraging to be obliged to leave it and do other things; and the cleaning which must be done after the clothes are upon the line, is a sufficient occupation for the remaining time and strength, without one's being obliged to do any portion of the daily housework. In families where the washings are large, it is better to delay the ironing until the next day but one; this gives time for doing some things necessarily omitted on washing-day; for baking, if the size of the family makes it necessary to bake twice a week, and for folding the clothes; and the girl is better able to do the whole ironing in a day, than if she were to perform this labor immediately after washing. To most persons, both washing and ironing are severe labors, and therefore should not be assigned to successive days, unless the domestic herself prefers it, which is sometimes the case.
Therefore, on Wednesday, bake, and fold the clothes. On Thursday, iron. On Friday, have all parts of the house that are in constant use, swept and dusted again, the brasses rubbed, and if there are windows to be washed, closets or sleeping rooms to be scoured, let it be done on this day.
On Saturday, bake, and provide such a supply for the table as shall supersede the necessity of cooking on Sunday.
The chief advantage of this method is, that the mistress of the family has not the Monday's sweeping to do, in addition to getting the washing-day dinner; and if she is subject to incidental company, and has not daughters or a friend to help her, or has slender health, this is an important relief.
The other arrangement is to wash on Monday; bake, and do other things necessarily omitted, on Tuesday; iron on Wednesday; Thursday, do no extra work. Friday, sweep and clean; Saturday, bake; distribute clean bed linen, and see that every thing is in readiness for the Sabbath.
The practice of rubbing all the silver in common use every week is not necessary, provided it is always washed in clean suds, and rinsed in scalding soft water without soap. If it is washed in the kitchen with other dishes, it will be necessary to rub it once in two or three weeks.
There are several advantages in washing on Monday. It is then easy on Saturday to provide food enough to last until after the washing is done, which cannot easily be accomplished if it is delayed until Tuesday. Another is, that if Monday is a pleasant day, the clothes may be dried, and the ironing and mending completed during the first half of the week; but if Tuesday be the washing-day, and it is rainy, the work of the whole week is delayed. Still another reason is, that after the entire rest of Sunday the frame is invigorated for labor; and lastly, it gives one day in the week of comparative leisure to the domestic. This is a consideration worthy of regard. Some ladies are always uneasy, and appear to think themselves wronged, when they see their domestics quietly seated at their sewing; as if they could not render faithful service without being employed the whole time in household labor. But those persons who so arrange their affairs as to secure to their domestics several hours every week for their own employments, and who take an interest in promoting, in every reasonable way, their comfort and happiness, will be amply rewarded in their faithfulness and attachment.
The situation of a waiting-maid is, in some families, one of hard bondage. It seems as if her employers had forgotten that she is made of flesh and blood, and is therefore capable of having an aching head and weary limbs. She must run at the call of the various bells throughout the house, and no matter how tired she becomes, there is no rest for the sole of her foot. If the unfortunate being is a homeless, motherless little girl, or a friendless foreigner, so much the worse. By a little consideration on the part of the lady, or ladies, of a family, such hard requisitions might be avoided without any real sacrifice of comfort. Our happiness is promoted by the cultivation of such habits that we shall not need the constant attendance of another to save us from exertion.
If your domestics cannot read, offer to teach them, and devote several half hours to their instruction during the week, and an additional hour on Sunday. It is a religious duty, a part of every Christian's mission. Encourage in them a taste for reading, by keeping useful and entertaining books in the kitchen. A love of rational pleasure will thus be promoted, and the effect be every way beneficial.
Let the least possible amount of labor be required from those who serve you, on Sunday. This ought to be a needless injunction in this country; but many a professor of religion, living on the soil trodden by the puritan pilgrims, provides a better dinner for the Sabbath than for any other day. Religion forbids such a practice; but, aside from this consideration, family comfort is essentially promoted by quietness and freedom from care on the Lord's day. Domestics, whatever be their religious predilections, uniformly regard it a great privilege to be exempt from cooking on that day. It is easy, by a little good management, to provide a dinner, nice enough for any table in the land, without even kindling a fire. In the summer this is done in many families; and in the winter, when a fire is of course always burning, a cup of tea, or a dish of vegetables, can be added to the cold articles already provided, without keeping any one from church for the purpose.
In concluding these suggestions, the writer cannot refrain from adding a few words of sympathy and encouragement for those who, having passed their youth in affluent ease, or in the delights of study, are obliged, by the vicissitudes of life, to spend their time and strength in laborious household occupations. There are many such instances in this country, particularly in the great Western Valley. Adversity succeeds prosperity like a sudden inundation, and sweeps away the possessions and the hopes of multitudes. The poor and uneducated are often rapidly elevated to wealthy independence, while the refined and highly educated are compelled to taste the bitterness of poverty; and minds capable of any attainment, and that would grace any station, are doomed to expend their energies in devising methods for the hands to earn a scanty livelihood.
Let not such persons feel themselves degraded by the performance of the humblest domestic labor.