Told by the death's head

"Yes, let us," I assented, and I drew out the glass stoppers. But, instead of wine, two columns of vapor rose from the decanters, one blue, the other yellow, and filled the room. The vapor took shape, first the blue then the yellow, and one became Danesh, the other Maimuna, and we knew that our bliss was at an end—that we should have to part.

We added our names to those gleaming on the walls, to certify that we also had been happy there.

After I had written my name, it occurred to me that I had something important to tell my wife; so I said to her: "My love, I must tell you that I have become a king; and that I have taken a second wife. I want to ask a favor of you; will you consent to let me kiss and embrace her as I do you?"

The woman replied: "I do consent."

That I might have proof of our having spent a blissful hour together, and that she had given me the desired permission to take a second wife, she pressed my hand so tightly in her own, that the wedding ring on my finger—the one with which I had espoused her—burst asunder. And that she also might possess evidence of our meeting, I gave her the "lingam"—the symbol of the Siva faith—I wore on my arm attached to a gold bracelet. I also tore from the canopy over our divan a small piece of the material of which it was made—crimson silk woven with dragons in gold thread.

Then the two genii took us again on their wings, and soon I was speeding again amid the clouds, with the glittering stars above me.

The icy summits of the Himalayas were already gleaming with the rosy hues of dawn, on noting which Danesh increased his speed. I heard the sea murmuring below—a ray of sunlight from the eastern mountains pierced through Danesh like an arrow, he dropped me and I fell to the earth. Fortunately I had not far to fall—only from my bed, in the palace of Sardhana, to the floor!

"Was it necessary to tell us what you dreamed?" angrily demanded the chair.

"Well, your honor, if the court at Nimeguen accepted my dream as evidence, and based its decision on it, I think it may also be recorded here. Moreover, the vision I have related is an important factor in this case."

I was so deeply impressed by my dream, that I related it to Zeib Alnissa as an actual occurrence. I assured her I had really been with my other wife, in proof of which I showed her the broken ring on my finger.

"It is a most wonderful occurrence!" was Zeib Alnissa's comment, when I concluded my recital. "Write out the whole vision, exactly as you related it to me, and we will send it to your wife in Holland. One of my captains shall hasten with the document after the messenger you have sent to her with the letter asking her to consent to our marriage."

I acted in accordance with the suggestion, and wrote on a long strip of Chinese palm-paper, which is tough as leather, a full account of my vision. The Begum then sent for seven bonzes, who were skilled writers, that they might, by signing their names to the account, certify that what I had written had really occurred; that Maimuna and Danesh were a well known pair of genii, who maintained direct communication between India and other portions of the globe, and that there was on Mount Ararat a magnificent palace for the use of lovers who came from distant parts of the world to meet there. All of which was to prove indubitably that I and my wife from Holland had been together in the palace.

This document dispatched, I believed the question of the prohibitory sword between me and Zeib Alnissa settled; but I was mistaken; she did not repeat Bazawa's grace at supper.

"On what are you waiting now?" I asked. "Haven't I asked my other wife for her consent? Haven't I been with her, and given her my lingam?"

"Yes, but she has not yet given you anything. Until I have her written consent in my hands, I dare not repeat Bazawa's blessing," was Zeib Alnissa's smiling reply.

"And I shall have to wait at the gates of paradise, content myself with inhaling the perfume of the flowers within the walls, until our messenger has twice traversed the ocean between India and Holland?"

"He will need to cross only once. I ordered him to take with him several doves, the species with green feathers known as bridegroom's doves. When your wife has written her consent, the messenger will bind it under the wing of a dove, and it will fly from Holland to us here in two days. So, you need reckon only the outward voyage."

But that would take considerable time too! I began to wonder how I should have comforted myself had I, instead of becoming an adherent of Siva, adopted the faith of Brahma, or Vishnu, or any other of the many-handed, many-footed deities.

"Knave, what about Jehovah?" interposed the chair with just indignation.

"Jehovah, your honor, does not forbid polygamy. The patriarch Jacob had two wives; David had four; Solomon the wise had one thousand four hundred. But, it would be a pity to waste precious time over dogmatic discussion. Besides, my wondering resulted in nothing. One hundred and ten days and nights I passed in the society of my charming bride; we ate at the same table; slept under the same canopy; but not once did I clasp her hand, or kiss her lovely lips."

"I am curious to know how you managed not to do either," observed the prince.

"Does your highness desire me to relate what happened on every one of the one-hundred and ten days and nights?"

"Not by any means!" hastily interrupted the chair. "We want only a summary of your doings out yonder."

The prisoner bowed, and resumed his confession:

I determined that I would not again drink the sort of sleeping potion which had sent me speeding among the clouds on Danesh's back, and communicated my decision to Zeib Alnissa.

"Very well," said she, "then I will prepare a drink for you that will keep you awake all night."

That would suit me.

In India the preparation of elixirs of all sorts has reached a high grade. There is a drug which, if taken by a man of mild disposition, will make him warlike and fierce; it is called "bangue."

By administering to the peaceable elephants a decoction of the "thauverd," they can be made quarrelsome and ferocious for the combats arranged for the Shah's guests. "Therat" will give one the inspirations of a poet; after taking it, the most unimaginative person will become a romancer, and composer of verses. The "Nazzarani" tax can be collected from the natives only when they have become docile and tractable from having eaten "mhoval" flowers—a species of manna.

Zeib Alnissa gave me some "panzopari" to chew; it possesses a singular property; it will make even the noisiest tippler so sober and sedate that his brain becomes the seat of all wisdom. Then she began to speak of her plans for the future government of our province, and other equally important matters; continuing to talk to me until morning. And during the whole time I remained quiet, and listened attentively; but I saw what I had not yet noticed: that my incomparable bride had a mole in the middle of her left cheek, and I also discovered that she might be alarmingly loquacious if she chose. I could hardly wait until the sun rose. Nothing will so effectually sober a man as advice from his wife; and the remedy is frequently made use of in India as well as in Europe.

A true Indian Singh—that is what a nobleman is called out there—undertakes nothing without first consulting his wife. Indeed, there are some who never give an answer to a question until they have asked their wives what they shall reply. For instance you ask: "What sort of weather are we going to have this afternoon, Gholem Singh?"

"I will consult my wife and tell you," he answers.

In the afternoon he will say to you—and no matter if a deluge of rain begins to fall while he is speaking:

"We shall have fine weather this afternoon."

The following day my bride and I set out on a tour of our kingdom—a ceremony necessary to my installation as rajah.

An entire brigade on horses, elephants, and camels, accompanied us as escort. The Begum and I rode on separate elephants, as Indian etiquette does not permit man and wife to occupy the same "sovari"—that is what the sedan with a canopy on the back of an elephant is called.

The Begum travelled with the vanguard; I brought up the rear with a good cannon bound to the back of my beast. A cannon, by the way, is a very convenient travelling appendage to a journey in India, as one is frequently called on to give a warm reception to the legions of predatory bands which infest the highways and byways.

My bride and I met only when our elephants chanced to come alongside each other at the resting places. We took part in all sorts of festivities. We bore with patience the wearisome ceremonies attendant upon the adoration of the serpent, and Taku-worship; we even waded to our knees in the sacred waters of the Ganges, at the Moharam pilgrimage; and permitted the frantic Gusseins and fakirs at the Holiza feast to shower over us the red dust of the highway. At the Ganeza festival we distributed with our own hands the "muzzer," and received in return the "khilla"—each word means gifts; the former is bestowed by the sovereigns on their subjects; the latter are given by the subjects to their rulers. Without this exchange of presents, the sovereignty of the rulers would not be recognized by the people. We visited in their turn all the principal towns and cities; the god-burdened temples and pagodas, which are half church, half tomb—the Jaina animal hospital, where the Hindoo takes care of invalid dogs, cats, oxen, as well as crows, ravens, and turkeys. We also honored with our presence the bayadere communities, where only women dwell. These bayaderes are privileged characters, you must know; they are allowed entry to the emperor's presence, to dance and sing before him and his ministers.

"Not a bad custom, by jove!" muttered the prince; aloud he asked: "Are the bayaderes pretty?"

"Enchantingly beautiful, your highness. Their garments are of silk and cashmere, embroidered with real gold and pearls; their fingers and toes are loaded with rings set with precious gems. Their gowns show a lack of material as do those worn by our women, with this difference: the shoulders and bosoms of our women are left bare; while the bayaderes expose the lower extremities, sometimes even to the—"

"Stop! stop!" irritably called the chair. "We don't want a full description of heathen toilets!"

We also arranged, for the entertainment of our subjects, a number of gorgeous spectacles, and tournaments, resumed the prisoner, dropping the subject of bayadere fashions. There were combats between elephants, and combats between elephants and men. (The former are called "Mufti;" the latter "Satmari.") There were also combats between lions and boars, and between tapirs.

In return for all these festivities, my bride's relatives entertained us with a feast of lanterns; and games of chess, which were played with living chess-men. We also visited the most remote corners of our kingdom, where dwelt the Thugs, a community whose faith permits them to strangle all foreigners; the Bheels, who worship epidemics instead of gods; the colony of the Quadrumans, whose king is called "Dengue," and his subjects "apes."

Every day of our journey brought something new and interesting. After our visit to the "City of the Seven Sages" we went to the "City of the King's Tombs," where are four magnificent temples, under each of which rest the remains of a king. There are no other inhabitants in this city.

Then followed the pilgrimage to Buddha's tree; for, although we were adherents of the Sivan faith, we were obliged, in order to win the favor of the majority of our subjects, to pay deference to their deity.

Then we journeyed to the "Fountain of Wisdom." There the temple is guarded by bayaderes, who are not permitted to dance anywhere else but in the sacred edifice in adoration of the gods.

"A respectable temple, I must say!" ironically commented the chair, to which the prince appended his good-humored observation:

"Their liturgy can't be very tedious!"

During all this time, I saw my bride only when she was seated on a throne, on an elephant, or in a palanquin. The opportunities for an exchange of words were rare. On the one hundred and tenth day we set out on our return home. On the morning of that day, Zeib Alnissa sent me a letter in which she gave me the welcome news that what might be called our "St. Joseph's marriage" would soon come to a conclusion. The carrier dove had returned from Holland with the longed-for consent from my first wife.

Before leaving our capital, we had arranged for a fitting reception to greet our return. When our cavalcade should approach the city gates, all the most distinguished residents, the raos, the singhs, the sages, bonzes and holy men were to meet us at the head of a gorgeous pageant and greet me as "Rajah," to which title our tour would have given me the right.

Then would follow a splendid feast, that would conclude with the "utterpan" ceremony, in which every guest receives from the rajah's own hands a handkerchief perfumed with rose-water.

The rajah receives the utterpan from his wife, of whom he may demand that the rose-water perfuming be performed in the zenana.

The zenana is that portion of the palace which only the rajah and his wives may enter.

I am ashamed to confess it, honorable gentlemen of the court, but I was so rejoiced, so proud of my success, my extraordinary good fortune filled my soul to such a degree, that I never once thought to offer a prayer to the god Siva, who had bestowed all the good gifts on me, or to Jehovah, who could take them all from me.

The fakir, who, in his religious enthusiasm, carries on his head a pot of earth until the orange seed planted in it sprouts, grows to a tree, blooms and bears fruit; who binds himself to a post, that he may sleep standing so as not to lose his balance and drop the pot from his head—that fakir does not suffer half as much as did I those one hundred and ten days and nights, when I was forced to refrain from saying to the most beautiful of women: "O, thou my sweetest one!"

But the last day of such restraint and torture was at hand. Before us lay the capital; the gilded roofs of its palaces gleamed through the humid atmosphere.

Already I could see rising from the market-place the "baoli," under which the three-legged stone cow waited (as all believers know) for the hour of midnight to hobble to her pasture outside the walls. Already I saw the multitude in gala attire press forth from the elaborately carved gates, on horses, on camels, on foot—a mingling of gold, gems, beauty, flowers, with rags, filth and unsightly scars.

Zeib Alnissa, as usual, rode at the head of the cavalcade, and I at the end, separated from her by a cannon shot range.

When the multitude from the city met the head of our cavalcade, there ensued a tumult of shouts and cries, but I was too far away to distinguish what was occurring. I could see, though, that Zeib Alnissa had risen to her feet in the sovari, and was gesticulating excitedly.

I was deliberating whether I should ride forward or remain where I was, when a fakir forced his way to my side. He was the most hideous specimen of his class I had yet seen; his appearance indicated that he had vowed not to cut his hair nor his finger nails for a decade.

"What do you want?" I called down to him.

"I want you to let me come up there and sit beside you in the sovari," he made answer.

One is obliged to comply with any demand these holy men may see fit to make—especially in face of such a multitude. I leaned over the side of my beast, seized the fakir by the hair, and drew him into the sovari.

"Lucky for you that you granted my request," he said, when he was seated by my side. "You have saved your life by so doing. Know that a revolt broke out in the city during your absence. The conspirators declared that the Begum forfeited the throne by marrying you, and have proclaimed the valiant Singh Rais, the son of her first husband, Sumro Shah, rajah of Sardhana. He has taken possession of the city and bribed the army to support him. He has already executed the subjects who remained loyal to you and the Begum, and the same fate awaits you—if he captures you."

Though loath to believe the fanatic's ill tidings, I was forced to credit my eyes, which at that moment saw rude hands lay hold of my beloved Zeib Alnissa, tear her from the sovari, bind her hands, and, amid the taunts and sneers of the shameless nautchnees, compel her to walk to the gates, while a man, wearing the pearl-decorated hat of a sovereign, climbed to the vacated seat in the sovari.

It was the infamous profligate who, by reason of the honors to which his father had attained, was a prince, but who was, by birth, merely a German nobody, like myself.

He had deposed the Begum as he had threatened, had laid chains on her—the heroic deliverer of her people—and this he had been able to accomplish because he had become an adherent of the religion of Buddha, and because the Begum had become a worshipper of Siva—

"The like of that never could have happened in Europe," interpolated the prince.

My rage and fury were boundless. In one brief moment to lose my kingdom and my bride; to be robbed of power and love; to be forced to look on helpless while a cowardly knave stole my treasures, chief of which was my beautiful Zeib Alnissa!

It was more than Christian patience and Siva humility could endure.

I unstrapped the cannon at the back of the sovari. The new rajah was haranguing the crowd gathered about his elephant, and gesticulating rapidly with his hands, as he gave his orders.

I took aim at his majesty—Boom! The next instant there was no head on the rajah's shoulders, but his arms continued to move convulsively.

Then I turned my elephant's head in the opposite direction, and urged him to the swiftest gait he was able to go.

A troop of horsemen followed me, but I dashed into the jungle, and soon distanced my pursuers. My life was saved, but only my miserable life. I had nothing, was nothing—

"Oh, yes," interrupted the chair, "you were a good deal: the husband of two wives, and murderer of one king—"

"Minorem nego, majorem non concedo," interposed the prince. "As the prisoner's second marriage was—as he aptly described it: a St. Joseph's union—merely one of form, he cannot be said to have committed bigamy. And concerning the killing of the rajah—qui bene distinguit, bene docet!—we would understand thereby that a crime had been committed by a subject against a crowned head. But, if one king kills another one, it cannot be called regicide, but ordinary homicide, which, in the prisoner's case, was justifiable manslaughter—"

"I knew it!" exclaimed the chair. "I knew the rascal would talk himself out of the three capital crimes: idolatry, bigamy, regicide, and prove himself as innocent as St. Susanna!"

But, continued the prisoner, even had I not been robbed of my wealth, of what use would it have been to me? I had come to India to win the rank of captain—not to become a rajah. It is a deal better to be a pensioned captain than a deposed king. The new rajah of Sardhana set a large price on my head; had I fled the accursed country then, I should have spared myself the terrible misfortunes which overtook me later.

I joined the Bandasaris, who have no fixed residence, but rove continuously between the Ganges and the Indus. They are a race like our gypsies. I believed I might organize them into an army and win back my kingdom, and liberate my beautiful Zeib Alnissa, but the blessing of God did not rest on my undertaking.

When I had got my army ready to march to Sardhana, the chief of the tribe changed his mind about letting me use his people to win back my throne, and, instead, sold me to the English company, which corporation had also offered a price for my head. Thus my unfortunate cranium became the property of the powerful East India Company, and there, if nowhere else, a man learns how to pray.

PART IX.
ON THE HIGH SEAS.

CHAPTER I.
THE PIRATES.

Now, honorable gentlemen of the court, I beg you to tell me which was the pirate?—I, in the unseaworthy cutter, bound with chains to a Spaniard, perspiring over my oars, sailing to New Zealand instead of to New Caledonia, where the captain had been ordered to take us; having nothing to eat and drink but dried fish and stale water, the captain having again disobeyed orders, for the East India Company had shipped honest biscuit, smoked meat and brandy for the prisoner's food—which of us, I ask, was the pirate? the captain, who plundered the helpless prisoners in his power and broke the maritime laws—which, I ask, was the pirate; Captain Morder or I?

"I say Captain Morder was the pirate—" and the prince emphasized his reply by thumping the floor with his cane.

Many thanks, your highness; I wanted the question decided, for, against unauthorized force, self-defence is always justifiable. When we poor exiles became aware that our vessel was going farther and farther south, which we were able to judge from the stars; when, in consequence of the wretched food, the scurvy broke out among us; and when at last we also got a taste of the scourge, if we made any complaint, we conspired together to release ourselves from our chains; and to take possession of the cutter.

My hidalgo comrade was an expert in such matters. He showed us how to get rid of our manacles as easily as if they had been gloves or boots. It is a very pretty trick, but I don't think I could show you how it is done unless I received something in return—

"We don't want to learn the trick," interrupted the chair. "We have no use for it."

Well, after we had removed our fetters, we bound the sleeping crew, and, without shedding one drop of blood, made ourselves masters of the "Alcyona."

Now, honorable gentlemen of the court, I ask you: Can what we did be called mutiny? We were not the slaves of the East India Company; we were not prisoners of war; nor were we criminals. The captain had no right to chain us to the oars; we had done nothing to deserve deportation to a savage country.

On Captain Morder, however, rested most of the blame. He treated us free men like negro slaves; he gave us nothing to eat for a whole week but dried fish, though not all of us were papists; and to be more disagreeably contrary, he gave us smoked meat on Fridays because the majority of our crowd were Catholics.

"That rascally captain deserved to be hanged to the tallest mast on his ship!" exclaimed the justly indignant prince.

Yes, your highness, he did, but we didn't hang him, because we couldn't get hold of him. While we were securing the crew, he fled discreetly to the powder-room, and threatened to blow up the ship when we went to take him. We had to treat with him for terms. We assured him we did not want to injure him; we only wanted to leave his ship. To this he replied that we might go to the devil for all he cared.

Then followed a twenty-four hour truce, and our first business was—

"To eat your fill," interposed the chair.

Yes, your honor, to eat and drink all we wanted. Then we lowered the large boat, supplied it with mast and sails; loaded it with all the chests of biscuit, and casks of brandy it would hold, also a small cannon. Then we cut into bits the rigging of the cutter; threw overboard all the weapons we could find, in order that the captain could do us no injury in case he took it into his head to pursue us; took possession of his charts, compass, and telescope, and sailed away one beautiful moonlight night without saying goodbye to any one. How did Captain Morder reach home with the "Alcyona?" I really forget whether I ever heard.

There were fifty of us in the boat—five different nationalities. As I was the only one who could speak the five different languages, I was elected ship's patron, an office which differs from that of captain in that the latter commands every one on board a vessel, while the former carries out what his companions decide.

"I see plainly to what this subtle distinction will lead," dryly observed the chair. "Some one else will have to bear the blame for whatever misdeeds the 'ship's-patron' committed."

I am compelled to admire the honorable gentleman's keen perceptions, returned the prisoner in his most deferential manner. In this case, however, they are at fault; neither the ship's company nor its patron did anything which deserved yard-arm punishment.

Our intention, when we left the ship was to land in Florida, or the Philippines, and there found a new republic. But more than one unlooked-for hindrance prevented us from carrying out the plan. Hardly had the "Alcyona" disappeared from view, when a dead calm settled down on us; it was so still the sails hung in heavy folds from the yards; we could make progress, and that only very slowly, when we employed the oars.

The calm continued for two days, during which not a breath of air wrinkled the surface of the ocean.

"Didn't you say you had taken all the provisions on the ship?" inquired the chair.

"Yes, your honor, but 'all' was only the one-half of 'many,' and exactly the one-tenth of 'enough.' Even had there been 'many,' we had 'more' hungry mouths, and to take plus from minus is not permissable in Algorithm."

"And it can't be done," authoritatively interposed the prince. "You can't take eight from seven unless you borrow. From whom did you borrow, prisoner?"

"From a crab-fisher we met, your highness. During a calm, the large sea-crabs are more easily taken than at other times."

The honorable gentlemen of the court will have learned from natural history the peculiar characteristics of the sea-crab, which is of all living creatures—the human being not excepted—the most timorous. When a crab hears thunder or cannonading, he immediately flings off one of his huge claws, in order that he may escape more quickly.

Crab-fishers know this, and have made a compact with all warships, by which the latter have agreed to refrain from firing off cannon when in sight of a crabbing vessel. This is the reason all such vessels have a large red crab painted on their sails. The compact also obliges the fishers to deliver half of their catch to any warship they may meet on the high seas.

Consequently when we came in sight of the crabber we signalled for our share of his catch. We had eaten all our dried fish, and were on half-rations of biscuit.

"Oho!" called the fisher when he came near enough to distinguish the character of our craft. "How can you demand crabs of me? You aren't a warship."

"But we are hungry, and have a cannon on board. You know the result of a cannon-shot during a calm!"

This threat brought the argument to a conclusion; the crabber, according to seaman's custom, shared his catch with us.

"If," interposed the prince in a thoughtful manner; "If it was according to seaman's custom it cannot be termed 'piracy.'"

"No, certainly not!" ironically appended the chair. "It cannot be termed piracy—only an act of playfulness—a bit of frolic! But, let us hear what other pranks the band of fifty played with their cannon? I will spread the map here on the table, so that I may follow the course of your boat. I fancy I shall be able to tell from that whether you and your fellows comported yourselves as honest seamen or thievish pirates."

There was an almost imperceptible twitch of the prisoner's left eyelid when the mayor concluded his remark, and spread the map on the table in front of him.

In the neighborhood of the Marquesas Islands, honorable gentlemen, we fell in with a Spanish ship loaded with coffee. The captain, in response to our petition, supplied us with coffee, chocolate, and honey. This enabled us to continue our journey; we sailed toward the Aleutians, and met on our way a Russian merchantman, the owner of which took pity on us, and gave us several barrels of good brandy and salted fish.

When we were near the island of Yucatan our provisions again gave out, and we were compelled to borrow from an Italian trader some sago-palm, flour and several boxes of sultanas.

"What need had you of sultanas?" inquired the chair.

Sultanas are not women, your honor, but dried grapes, which are packed in boxes. When a man is starving he will eat anything! In the neighborhood of Barbados a Turkish vessel very kindly gave us a supply of pickled pork; and the captain of a Chinese junk we fell in with near the Canary Islands, was friendly enough to share his wine with us.

When off Madagascar, a Greek captain loaded our boat so generously with rahut rakum, it almost foundered under the weight; and when near Terre del Fuego we—

"Hold! stop!" screamed the chair thumping with both fists on the map. "If I wanted to make an accurate diagram of your course, I should have to tie a thread to the leg of a grasshopper and let him loose on a blank sheet of paper! A courier on horseback could not have made such twists and turns!"

"We did travel in a sort of zig-zag fashion," admitted the prisoner deprecatingly; "but, you see, none of us understood navigation. Besides, our charts were not accurate, and our compass full of whims."

"Must have been a feminine compass!" jocosely remarked his highness.

"To tell the truth, honorable gentlemen, I am not quite certain if the names I have given you are the ones properly belonging to the portions of the globe we visited. The excellent custom which obtains in all civilized regions, of posting the names of places at the street-corners, had not yet reached those remote corners. I can assure you, however, that we really met all the ships I have mentioned, as we were forced to beg our way over the limitless ocean."

"Beg your way!" sarcastically interrupted the chair. "It seems to me that fifty determined men, with small arms and a cannon, and a boat as swift as yours might have overtaken almost any other craft afloat."

"We did overtake a good many, your honor, and all of them very willingly shared their provisions with us when they saw we were in distress."

"Do you remember meeting a merchantman from Bremen?"

"Don't I? Don't I remember the generous gentleman! We met him near the Cape of Good Hope. That point of land hasn't got its name for nothing! It brought 'good hope' back to us! We were in tatters; the stormy weather; long voyage; and many hardships had reduced our frames to skeletons, our clothing to rags. When the brave man—blessed be his memory!—came up with us, and saw our nakedness, he took off his own coat and gave it to me—may heaven's blessings rest on him wherever he may be!"

"He tells quite a different story," responded the chair. "On his return home, he complained to the Hansa League that a boat load of pirates was sailing the high-seas, plundering, and levying contributions, from all vessels it met. He also related how the pirates had taken all his, as well as his crew's clothing. This must be true; for no Bremen trader has ever been known willingly to give coat of his to anyone. Bremen is not far away. We can summon the complainant—whose name, I believe, is Schulze—and let him tell his story here—"

"May I beg that your honor"—quickly interposed the prisoner—"will at the same time summon the witnesses who will testify for me? They are, the Spanish merchant Don Rodriguez di Saldayeni, from Badajos; the Russian captain, Bello Bratanow Zwonimir Tschinowink, from Kamtschatka; the Italian, Signor Sparafucile Odoards, from Palermo; the Turk, Ali Baba Ben Didimi Effendi, from Brusa; the Chinese mandarin, Chien-Tsen-Triping-Van, from Shanghai; the Greek, Heros Leonidas Karaiskakis, from Tricala; the—"

"Enough! enough!" roared the mayor clapping his hands to his ears. "I don't want to hear another name. Rather will I believe every word you say! You were sea-beggars, impoverished voyagers—anything but pirates! Will your highness permit us to erase also this indictment from the register?" The prince assenting, his honor added: "Now we will hear how the crime of cannibalism will be disposed of."

"I will first take the liberty to remind the honorable gentlemen of the court, that anthropophagy is not at all times considered a capital crime. The inhabitants of the Fiji Islands look upon it as the only proper method to dispose of a captured foe. The eating of human flesh is a part of the religious cult of the Mexicans; and during the Tartar invasion of Hungary, the people—as Rogerius proves—who had been robbed of the necessaries of life, were forced to eat each other. To such a condition of starvation we were also reduced, a fearful hurricane having compelled us, while on the Pacific ocean, to throw overboard all our stores in order to prevent the boat from sinking—"

"Now you are telling another story," thundered the chair. "You say you were on the Pacific ocean. If it is a pacific ocean how is it possible that such a storm as you describe raged there? You shall be bound to the wheel, if you don't confess at once that hurricanes never rage on the Pacific Ocean."

Your honor is right—my memory served me ill—there are no such storms on the Pacific Ocean. But there are sharks. The voracious beasts surrounded our boat in such numbers that, in order to prevent them from eating us, we gave them all our provisions, hoping to fall in with a kind-hearted captain who would replenish our larder. But we didn't meet a single ship. For two whole weeks we managed to keep alive by eating our boots, and not until the last pair had been devoured, did we decide to resort to the "sailor's lunch," and cast lots which of us should be served up as such.

My name was drawn, and I made up my mind to die calmly—pro bono publico. But, when I began to remove my clothes, the Spaniard to whom I had been chained on the "Alcyona," and for whom I entertained the affection of a brother, stepped forward and said:

"You shall not die, brave rajah. You have a wife—nay, two of them, to whom your life is valuable. Here am I—your brother, who will consider it a privilege, an honor—as did the brave Curtius when he galloped into the abyss to save the republic—to fling myself into these hungry throats!"

With these words the noble fellow drew his sword, severed his head from his body and laid it before us.

"Did you eat any of him?"

"I was starving, your honor."

"That establishes your crime. The punishment for eating a body endowed with a human soul is death at the stake, you—"

"Hold," interposed the prince. "What portion of the Spaniard's body did you consume, prisoner?"

"His foot, your highness."

"Has the human foot a soul?"

"Why, certainly," answered the chair. "How frequently do we hear: 'His sense or his courage are in his knees'—sense and courage cannot exist without a soul. And, don't we say: 'Honest from his crown to his toes'—whereby we establish that even the toes possess a soul.'"

"These are merely phrases—maxims," returned the prince. "If the soul extends to the extremities, then the man who has a foot amputated loses a portion of his soul also; and it might happen, that one-quarter of a human soul would go to paradise, and the other three-quarters to hades—which it is absurd to suppose could be the case. To my thinking this is so important a question, that only the faculty of theology is capable of deciding it. Until those learned gentlemen have delivered an opinion on the subject, we cannot go on with this case. Therefore, the prisoner is remanded to his cell until such decision shall arrive."

A week was the time required by the learned faculty to discuss the questions: "Does the soul extend to the extremities of the human body?"

If not, just where does it terminate?

The decision was as follows:

"The soul extends to the knees—for this reason man is required to kneel when he prays. Consequently, that portion of the human frame below the knees is a soulless appendage."

"Then," decided the prince, when this decision was read to him, "the indictment for cannibalism may also be stricken from the register."

PART X.
UXORICIDE.

CHAPTER I.
THE SECUNDOGENITUR.

When my worst torture passed, my limbs became cold and rigid as stone; it was the marasmus. I could see, and hear, but I could neither feel nor move. The fierce sun beating on my face threatened to burn out my eyes, but I could not lift my hands to cover them. To seize the horizon and draw it up to the zenith would have been an easier task than to close my eyelids over the burning eyeballs.

Yet, amid all this horrible pain, I had the feeling as if a faint zephyr from fluttering wings were sweeping across my cheek. It was the white dove perched on my shoulder, my beautiful white dove, who was come to me again in my hour of direst need! She tried with her outstretched wings to shield my face from the scorching sun, and the blessed shadow brought such relief that I was at last able to close my eyes in sleep.

How long and whither the dismasted and rudderless boat drifted; whether it touched any shore—I cannot remember. I don't know what happened during my madness.

My comrades in misfortune were lost; some drowned themselves to end their agony; some died a horrible death in the boat. I alone was saved by a heavenly providence for further trials. The drifting boat was found by an Indian merchantman bound for Antwerp, and the noble Christians aboard of her, believing life not yet extinct in my miserable body, worked over me until they brought back the soul to its earthly tenement.

I forgive every enemy I have in the world; but my benefactor on that Indian merchantman, who brought me back to life, I never can forgive. Had he cast me into the waves instead of resuscitating me, I should now be ambergris, for, as the honorable gentlemen know, that valuable substance develops in the stomach of a shark, and I should have been devoured by one of those voracious beasts. Instead of a wretched criminal on trial for his many misdeeds, I should now, had I been allowed to become ambergris, be swinging in a censer perfuming the altar of a church. The care I received on board the Indiaman fully restored my strength, and when we arrived in the harbor in Holland there was no trace about me of the many hardships I had endured.

I could hardly wait until I got back to Nimeguen to see my dear wife and child. The child would be running about now—perhaps the mother had taught it to call me by name!

How happy I should be to be home again!—no captain, no rajah, but a father.

Not the consort of a Begum, but the husband of my wife. I blessed the fate which had delivered me from the land of lions, tigers and serpents. Had not I a tulip garden worth all the wealth of India?

I turned night to day in order to reach home as quickly as possible, and sent mounted estafets in advance to announce my coming. My wife, who had increased in weight fully twenty-five pounds, had a splendid repast prepared for me; and flung her arms around my neck when I alighted from the carriage.

After our first transports of joy were over, my first words were:

"Now, where is my child?"

"There they come," replied my wife, pointing, with a beaming countenance, toward two nurse-maids who were descending the staircase. One of the maids led by the hand a little toddling lad; the other carried an infant in long clothes on her arm.

"What—what does that mean?" I stammered, pointing toward the smaller child.

"That is your second born, you silly fellow!" replied my wife, smiling affectionately.

"My second born?" I exclaimed in amazement. "Why, I have been absent for nearly three years."

"Have you forgotten Maimuna and Danesh?" she whispered, hiding her blushing face on my breast. "Have you forgotten our meeting in the palace on Ararat?"

"Maimuna and Danesh?—Himmelkreuzelement!" I exclaimed, unable to suppress the forcible expletive.

My wife, however, was roused to anger by it. Did I presume to doubt her fidelity? she demanded in no gentle accents. Had she not in her possession ample proof that she was true to me? Had she not my own letter, in which I related at length the circumstances of our meeting on Ararat, whither we had been taken by the two genii? Was a better proof required than the lingam I had given her at that meeting—also the fragment of stuff with gold dragons woven in it? And, if it was true that I was a king at the time of our meeting on the mountain, then the infant on the maid's arm must be a prince!

"Woman," I returned in a severe tone, "this is not a matter for jest. Visions are not real. That I dreamed a delightful dream I admit; but this squalling brat is no dream! On the contrary, he is a very disagreeable reality! I'll go at once to the burgomaster! I'll denounce you to the arch-bishop! I'll summon the consistory! I will not allow myself to be made a fool of!"

"Very well," retorted my wife, "go to the burgomaster—go to the arch-bishop—summon the consistory, make a tremendous ado, and you will prove yourself a greater fool than I believed you!"

I carried out my threat and rushed to the burgomaster's residence. He was still asleep, but I dragged him out of bed, and told him the French were coming to attack the town. That drove slumber from his eyes; and I proceeded to lay my complaint before him. He kept yawning the while so dreadfully that I feared he might swallow me before I got through with my story.

When I concluded, he deliberated several minutes, then said I should come again the next day—he would have to think over the matter.

I was forced to go back to my wife. I couldn't help myself, for I hadn't a groschen to my name, and the Nimeguen inns will not receive a guest unless he pays in advance for his entertainment.

To my shame therefore I was compelled to go home, and now it was my wife who raged and scolded. She said I might complain as much, and to whomsoever I wanted, it would benefit me nothing. If I did not accept the situation with a good humor, mine would be the loss—and so on.

I bore her taunts, and revilings, in silence, for I felt great need of supper and rest; but I said to myself: "There is a tomorrow—I'll have my revenge then!"

The next day I went again to the burgomaster; he was able to keep awake this time.

He asked me if he should speak to me as to a Nimeguen gunner, or an East Indian sovereign?

"As to an Indian rajah," I replied.

"Very good!—also: Sublime Maharajah, nabob, or Shah—whichever is the proper title—be seated." My title permitted me to put on my hat, while respect for it obliged the burgomaster to remove his office cap. He continued: "Be kind enough to answer the following questions: How many wives does the law permit an Indian sovereign to marry? How many elephants, camels, rhinoceroses, male and female genii, and other draught cattle, is he allowed to employ in his service?"

I saw what would be the result if I answered these questions, so I said instead:

"I beg pardon, your honor, but, on second thought, I believe I would rather have you speak to me as to a gunner of Nimeguen—according to European custom."

"Very good again—also. You gunner-fellow, take off your hat this instant!" he commanded, at the same time placing the cap on his head. "As it is contrary to our Christian laws to take a second wife while the first is still alive, I shall pronounce you guilty of bigamy, the punishment for which is the pillory first, and the galleys afterward."

This did not suit me either, so I interrupted:

"May I beg that you will speak to me as to an Indian sovereign?"

I put on my hat, but the burgomaster did not again remove his cap. He said:

"You had command of a province, and a pair of flying genii; therefore, it is quite within the bounds of possibility that you and your first wife were borne through the air to the meeting-place on the mountain you mention. That being settled, what else do you complain of? Have you lost anything?"

"No, your honor, quite the contrary; I have found something; a son I did not expect."

"Is the child living?"

"He is."

"Well—if he is living he is alive. That which is, cannot be denied—it is a fact, and that which is a fact cannot be termed fiction—"

This ridiculous un-reasoning angered me, and I interrupted him, whereupon there ensued a war of words that raged furiously until it culminated in an exchange of blows.

The case was not one for a mere burgomaster to decide; I would submit it to the consistory. I did not know then what I had undertaken!

All Nimeguen is related; its citizens are cousins or brothers-in-law, and withal exceedingly moral. If it so happens that any one of them commits an indiscretion, all the rest take great pains to conceal the misdeed. I don't mean that it is never mentioned in private; but there is not a court of law in the land that could summon a witness who would admit that he, or she, knew anything about the matter. In my case, servants, neighbors, citizens, all averred that my wife was the pattern of fidelity; that she had not been known to leave her house, only when she went to confession and to church; that she had not even bought a new cap during my entire absence.

Consequently, my accusations were ridiculous, and wholly without foundation.

Her defense had a powerful base to rest on. There was the letter written by my own hand on Chinese palm-paper, describing our meeting in the palace on Mount Ararat, and attested by the bonzes, who, as everybody knows, are learned men, and as worthy of trust as any member of our chapter-house.

Consequently, there must be such fairies as Maimuna and Danesh, else the bonzes would not have testified to their existence. If there were no such creatures in Europe, it was because the climate was too severe. There are no elephants in Holland, yet no one would deny their existence elsewhere—not even the man who had never seen one, would deny that they roamed the jungles of India! Moreover, is there not mention made in the Holy Scriptures of a chariot of fire journeying with a passenger through the air? And did not Jonah make a voyage on the ocean, in the stomach of a whale?

If holy men could make such journeys, why should anyone deny that the genii Maimuna and Danesh had carried a man and his wife to the palace on Mount Ararat?—especially as both man and wife had desired the meeting, whereas Jonah had never expressed the least desire to enter the whale's belly.

Added to this evidence, my wife possessed in the lingam absolute proof of my having been with her on Ararat—also the fragment of dragon-cloth, the like of which was not to be found in all Europe—all irrefragable proofs!

You may guess that the consistory did not hesitate long to deliver an opinion.

Although it was almost impossible to believe that so remarkable a journey could have been accomplished a respectable and pious lady had really travelled from Nimeguen on the wings of an East Indian Jinnee, at night, to Mount Ararat, and back in the morning.

Also: It was not at all likely that the said respectable and pious lady, the former widow of a captain, wife of a gunner, and consort of an Indian rajah, would demean her respectable station, and inflict a stain on her wedded fidelity. Therefore, the woman accused of adultery was guiltless; and the father of the surculi masculi found at home by the returned gunner, was no other than he, the nuptiæ demonstrant. And with this decision I was forced to be satisfied, also with my wife and the infant.

Here, the prince laughed so heartily that he burst a button from his collar.

"An amusing story, by my word!" he exclaimed. "I would not have missed it for a riding-horse! Ha, ha—to decide that a vision really happened because the dreamer wrote an account of it—ha, ha, ha!"

"And did everything really happen as you related it?" inquired the chair.

Everything—I give my word of honor—what am I saying? Not by my honor, but by the rope around my neck, I swear that everything happened just as I told you. You may apply to the authorities of Nimeguen, who will substantiate my account. Because of its remarkable character, the case is recorded in the chronicles of the city. This will explain the deed I was forced to commit afterward.

"We will hear you confess it tomorrow," said the prince.

CHAPTER II.
THE QUICKSANDS.

In any other community I could have defended myself from such persecution. I should have challenged the first one who insulted me, and run him through with my sword. That is an effective way to silence scurrilous tongues. In Nimeguen, however, it would have been impossible to find a second to deliver a challenge; and if I had sent it by a messenger the challenged person would have hastened at once to the burgomaster to complain that I had threatened to murder him.

If I had tweaked the nose of a fellow for refusing to give me satisfaction, he would have sued me; and I would have been sentenced to pay three marks for a nose-tweak, and six for a slap on the mouth. This would have resulted in my spending nearly all my time in the burgomaster's office, because of the numerous summons to answer the charge of assault and battery, and my wife would have been kept busy paying the fines.

At last, I could endure it no longer. I told my wife I should have to go away, and she decided that we would go together to Vliessingen, where she would drink the medicinal waters.

I was glad enough to accompany her. I would have gone anywhere to be rid of my tormenters. But I was mistaken in believing I should be rid of them at Vliessingen. I received anonymous letters by every post; but I paid no heed to them until one day I received the following:

"What a stupid fellow you are! Your wife does not need a jinnee to carry her where she wants to go. You are her Maimuna; and Vliessingen is the Ararat whither Danesh has transported her lover. He has sent her a red velvet cap trimmed with gold braid and white lace, and every time she wears it, she signals to him that you will be away from home that day. Oh, stupid dolt that you are!"

This was more than enough.

My wife had received just such a cap as was described in the letter; and when she put it on, it always seemed to me that she looked happier.

I began to find fault with the cap. I begged her not to wear it, or at least not to go out doors when she had it on. But she persisted in wearing it, and ridiculed my anger, until I got to hate the sight of the red cap.

One day I was obliged to go to Antwerp on business. My wife insisted on accompanying me part of the way, as I should have to walk a considerable distance from the baths to take a conveyance.

Something—my white dove mayhap—whispered in my ear not to let her go with me; that it would be better for both of us if she remained at home.

But she had set her head on going, and nothing could prevent it. And she put on the red cap!

I remonstrated with her about wearing it, but she laughed at me and said:

"You silly fellow! Of whom are you jealous, here in this sandy desert? Of the gulls, perhaps?—or the moles?"

Are the honorable gentlemen of the court familiar with that region? No?

Then it will be necessary to describe it, in order that what I relate may appear clear to you.

The entire country thereabout is an arid waste, a seemingly illimitable stretch of sand dunes, and brackish pools, partly grown with brown reeds, broom and heath, but so stunted that the horns of the cattle grazing there are plainly seen. The herders are obliged to wear long stilts. This uninhabited territory is separated by a dike several feet in height from the downs, which is a fearful region.

There, earth and water are combined against man and beast; the two life-dispensing elements have become agents of death. The sand blown from the shore of the sea settles on the deep pools and dries. No plants grow there, and woe to the man or beast that strays on to the downs from the dike, or the heath beyond. The sand will sink beneath the feet of the incautious wanderer; if he draws up one foot, the other will sink yet deeper. At first, the instability of the earth amuses him; he fancies that, when he shall tire of the amusement, it will be easy enough to leave the place.

But the sand into which he is slowly but surely sinking is bottomless. Inch by inch the unfortunate victim is swallowed—as is the dove in the jaws of the serpent. Not until he has sunk to his waist, does despair seize him, and he realizes that escape is impossible. Every effort to extricate himself is futile—he only sinks the deeper into the treacherous sand.

In vain he shouts for help. No help will come to him, for, he that hears despairing cries from the downs, will flee in the opposite direction to get beyond reach of the sound, knowing well that were he to attempt to rescue the sinking wretch he too would be engulfed in the quicksand.

When the victim's head has vanished beneath the surface, only a funnel-shaped depression marks the spot where a living creature has met death, and this sign will be obliterated by the first wind that blows across the sands.

As I have mentioned before, a dike, with a road along its summit, divides the treacherous quicksands and the grazing cattle.

It was along this dike-road that my wife and I walked arm in arm the morning I started for Antwerp.

"You see, my love," I said to her, "how happy we are together when there is no one to disturb us. I should want for nothing else on earth if you would but promise not to wear that red cap again."

"And I," she returned, "need only to wear this red cap in order to make me perfectly contented and happy."

"Very well, then wear it—wear three red caps, one over the other, only don't wear this one while I am away from you."

"Well—I won't wear it while you are away."

"Swear that you won't?"

"No, I will not swear not to wear it, for if I should forget my oath, and put the cap on, then I should perjure myself—and no cap is worth that!"

"Then the cap is dearer to you than I am?" I asked.

"Do you hate the cap so much that you hate me because I wear it?" she inquired in turn.

"I have just cause to hate this cap, and I don't want to hate you for the same reason. Promise not to wear it while I am away."

"No, I will not promise—you must not be so quarrelsome."

"I will show you why you ought not wear it. Here, read this letter I received from Nimeguen."

I took the letter from my pocket, and gave it to her. Her face took on the hue of her cap as she read, and when she had finished, she stamped her foot, tore the letter into bits and flung them over the downs, exclaiming:

"Now, I shall wear the cap for spite."

"No, you shall not wear it," I cried, beside myself with rage.

I tore the cap from her head and flung it after the letter. What followed, the honorable gentlemen of the court will be able to conjecture after I have described my wife's figure and disposition.

In Holland, as well as in some other portions of the globe, married people occasionally disagree; but I believe that only in Holland is it the husband who goes to a justice of the peace with a blackened eye to substantiate a complaint against his wife.

My spouse was no exception to her fellow-countrywomen. Taller by half a head than I, broad-shouldered and with a powerful chest, she could hold at arm's length a small child seated on her hand—and it was a hand, too, that would render superfluous a visam repertum, if it came in contact with a human face!

And from this amazon I had dared to snatch a favorite cap, and toss it on the quicksands. As I flung the cap away, the woman threw herself against me like an enraged elephant, and sent me staggering backward to the edge of the embankment, where I turned a somersault down into one of the bitter, natron-impregnated pools on the heath, in which not even a leech can exist.

I had fallen with my head in the water; it sank to the chin in the slimy mud at the bottom, and had it not been for my presence of mind, I should have drowned; for the most expert swimmer will forget his skill if he finds his eyes, nose, mouth and ears filled with mire—and mire, too, that burns and stings like nettles.

I managed with great difficulty to wriggle out of the pool, but I could see neither sky nor earth for several minutes. It took considerable time to cleanse the mire from my mouth, nose, eyes and ears; and it was hours before I could hear again.

I felt like one resuscitated from drowning; my entire body burned as if I were covered from crown to sole with a vesicatory. Then I began to think of what might have happened while I was sitting on the heath ridding myself of the mire.

I could not see my wife anywhere on the embankment. What had become of her?

I was compelled to wade through the pools a considerable distance, in order to get back to the dike-road, for the embankment where I had fallen over was too steep to be climbed.

Therefore, a half hour or more passed before I stood again on the dike-road looking about for my wife. She was nowhere in sight on the road. Then I turned toward the sands, and what I saw there caused the blood to curdle in my veins—the foolish woman had gone after her cap!

She had it on her head, which, with her two arms, was all that was visible of her body above the sands. It was a horrible sight. Her staring eyes were fixed on me in accusation, her hands battled vainly with the empty air, her lips were open, but no sound issued forth. She was still alive, but entombed.

I thought of nothing but saving her. I sprang down the embankment, but when the sinking woman saw me coming toward her, she began to beat the sand furiously with her hands, as if she were trying to prevent my approach. I could not have saved her. I had made but fifty steps toward her when I too began to sink. Recognizing the futility of further effort on my part, I flung myself face down on the sand, that my entire weight might not rest on my feet, and thus I managed to propel my body slowly, painfully, toward the stable earth.