Tom Brown at Oxford

CHAPTER VI—HOW DRYSDALE AND BLAKE WENT FISHING

“Drysdale, what's a servitor?”

“How the deuce should I know?”

This short and pithy dialogue took place in Drysdale's rooms one evening soon after the conversation recorded in the last chapter. He and Tom were sitting alone there, for a wonder, and so the latter seized the occasion to propound this question, which he had had on his mind for some time. He was scarcely satisfied with the above rejoinder, but while he was thinking how to come at the subject by another road, Drysdale opened a morocco fly-book, and poured its contents on the table, which was already covered with flies of all sorts and patterns, hanks of gut, delicate made-up casts, reels, minnows, and tackle enough to kill all the fish in the four neighboring counties. Tom began turning them over and scrutinizing the dressings of the flies.

“It has been so mild, the fish must be in season don't you think? Besides, if they're not, it's a jolly drive to Fairford at any rate. You've never been behind my team Brown. You'd better come, now, to-morrow.”

“I can't cut my two lectures.”

“Bother your lectures! Put on an aeger, then.”

“No! that doesn't suit my book, you know.”

“I can't see why you should be so cursedly particular. Well, if you won't, you won't; I know that well enough. But what cast shall you fish with to-morrow?”

“How many flies do you use?”

“Sometimes two, sometimes three.”

“Two's enough, I think; all depends on the weather; but, if it's at all like today, you can't do better, I should think, than the old March brown and a palmer to begin with. Then, for change, this hare's ear, and an alder fly, perhaps; or,—let me see,” and he began searching the glittering heap to select a color to go with the dull hare's ear.

“Isn't it early for the alder?” said Drysdale.

“Rather, perhaps; but they can't resist it.”

“These bang-tailed little sinners any good?” said Drysdale, throwing some cock-a-bondies across the table.

“Yes; I never like to be without them, and a governor or two. Here, this is a well-tied lot,” said Tom, picking out half a-dozen. “You never know when you may not kill with either of them. But I don't know the Fairford water; so my opinion isn't worth much.”

Tom soon returned to the old topic.

“But now, Drysdale, you must know what a servitor is.”

“Why should I? Do you mean one of our college servitors?”

“Yes?”

“Oh, something in the upper-servant line. I should put him above the porter, and below the cook, and butler. He does the don's dirty work, and gets their broken victuals, and I believe he pays no college fees.”

Tom rather drew into himself at this insolent and offhand definition. He was astonished and hurt at the tone of his friend. However, presently, he resolved to go through with it, and began again.

“But servitors are gentlemen, I suppose?”

“A good deal of the cock-tail about them, I should think. But I have not the honor of any acquaintance amongst them.”

“At any rate, they are undergraduates, are not they?”

“Yes.”

“And may take degrees, just like you or me?”

“They may have all the degrees to themselves, for anything I care. I wish they would let one pay a servitor for passing little-go for one. It would be deuced comfortable. I wonder it don't strike the dons, now; they might get clever beggars for servitors, and farm them, and so make loads of tin.”

“But, Drysdale, seriously, why should you talk like that? If they can take all the degrees we can, and are, in fact, just what we are, undergraduates, I can't see why they're not as likely to be gentlemen as we. It can surely make no difference, their being poor men?”

“It must make them devilish uncomfortable,” said the incorrigible payer of double fees, getting up to light his cigar.

“The name ought to carry respect here, at any rate. The Black Prince was an Oxford man, and he thought the noblest motto he could take was, 'Ich dien,' I serve.”

“If he were here now, he would change it for 'Je paye.'”

“I often wish you would tell me what you really and truly think, Drysdale.”

“My dear fellow I am telling you what I do really think. Whatever the Black Prince might be pleased to observe if he were here, I stick to my motto. I tell you the thing to be able to do here at Oxford is—to pay.”

“I don't believe it.”

“I knew you wouldn't.”

“I don't believe you do either.”

“I do, though. But what makes you so curious about servitors?”

“Why, I made friends with Hardy, one of our servitors. He is such a fine fellow!”

I am sorry to relate that it cost Tom an effort to say this to Drysdale, but he despised himself that it was so.

“You should have told me so, before you began to pump me,” said Drysdale. “However, I partly suspected something of the sort. You've a good bit of a Quixote in you. But really, Brown,” he added, seeing Tom redden and look angry, “I'm sorry if what I said pained you. I daresay this friend of yours is a gentleman, and all you say.”

“He is more of a gentleman by a long way than most of the—”

“Gentlemen commoners, you were going to say. Don't crane at such a small fence on my account. I will put it in another way for you. He can't be a greater snob than many of them.”

“Well, but why do you live with them so much, then?”

“Why? because they happen to do the things I like doing, and live up here as I like to live. I like hunting and driving, and drawing badgers, and playing cards, and good wine and cigars. They hunt and drive, and keep dogs and good cellars, and will play unlimited loo or Van John as long as I please.”

“But I know you get very sick of all that often, for I've heard you say as much half-a-dozen times in the little time I've been here.”

“Why, you don't want to deny me the Briton's privilege of grumbling, do you?” said Drysdale, as he flung his legs up on the sofa, crossing one over the other as he lounged on his back—his favorite attitude; “but suppose I am getting tired of it all—which I am not—what do you purpose as a substitute?”

“Take to boating. I know you could be in the first boat if you liked; I heard them say so at Smith's wine the other night.”

“But what's to prevent my getting just as tired of that? Besides, it's such a grind. And then there's the bore of changing all one's habits.”

“Yes, but it's such splendid hard work,” said Tom, who was bent on making a convert of his friend.

“Just so; and that's just what I don't want; the 'books and work and healthful play' line don't suit my complaint. No, as my uncle says, 'a young fellow must sow his wild oats,' and Oxford seems a place especially set apart by Providence for that operation.”

In all the wild range of accepted British maxims there is none, take it for all in all, more thoroughly abominable than this one, as to the sowing of wild oats. Look at it on what side you will, and you can make nothing but a devil's maxim of it. What a man—be he young, old, or middle-aged—sows, that, and nothing else shall he reap. The one only thing to do with wild oats, is to put them carefully into the hottest part of the fire, and get them burnt to dust, every seed of them. If you sow them no matter in what ground, up they will come, with long tough roots like couch grass, and luxuriant stalks and leaves, as sure as there is a sun in heaven—a crop which it turns one's heart cold to think of. The devil, too, whose special crop they are, will see that they thrive, and you, and nobody else, will have to reap them; and no common reaping will get them out of the soil, which must be dug down deep again and again. Well for you if with all your care you can make the ground sweet again by your dying day. “Boys will be boys” is not much better, but that has a true side to it; but this encouragement to the sowing of wild oats, is simply devilish, for it means that a young man is to give way to the temptations and follow the lusts of his age. What are we to do with the wild oats of manhood and old age—with ambition, over-reaching the false weights, hardness, suspicion, avarice—if the wild oats of youth are to be sown, and not burnt? What possible distinction can be drawn between them? If we may sow the one, why not the other?

But to get back to our story. Tom went away from Drysdale's rooms that night (after they had sorted all the tackle, which was to accompany the fishing expedition, to their satisfaction) in a disturbed state of mind. He was very much annoyed at Drysdale's way of talking, because he was getting to like the man. He was surprised and angry at being driven more and more to the conclusion that the worship of the golden calf was verily and indeed rampant in Oxford—side by side, no doubt, with much that was manly and noble, but tainting more or less the whole life of the place. In fact, what annoyed him most was, the consciousness that he himself was becoming an idolater. For he couldn't help admitting that he felt much more comfortable when standing in the quadrangles or strolling in the High Street with Drysdale in his velvet cap, and silk gown, and faultless get-up, than when doing the same things with Hardy in his faded old gown, shabby loose overcoat, and well-worn trousers. He wouldn't have had Hardy suspect the fact for all he was worth, and hoped to get over the feeling soon; but there it was unmistakably. He wondered whether Hardy had ever felt anything of the kind himself.

Nevertheless, these thoughts did not hinder him from sleeping soundly, or from getting up an hour earlier than usual to go and see Drysdale start on his expedition.

Accordingly, he was in Drysdale's rooms next morning betimes, and assisted at the early breakfast which was going on there. Blake was the only other man present. He was going with Drysdale, and entrusted Tom with a message to Miller and the Captain, that he could not pull in the boat that day, but would pay a waterman to take his place. As soon as the gate opened, the three, accompanied by the faithful Jack, and followed by Drysdale's scout, bearing overcoats, a splendid water-proof apron lined with fur, and the rods and reels, sallied out of the college, and sought the livery stables, patronized by the men of St. Ambrose's. Here they found a dog cart all ready in the yard, with a strong Roman-nosed, vicious-looking, rat-tailed horse in the shafts, called Satan by Drysdale; the leader had been sent on to the first turnpike. The things were packed, and Jack, the bull-dog, hoisted into the interior in a few minutes; Drysdale produced a long straight horn, which he called his yard of tin (probably because it was made of brass), and after refreshing himself with a blast or two, handed it over to Blake, and then mounted the dog cart, and took the reins. Blake seated himself by his side; the help who was to accompany them got up behind, and Jack looked wisely out from his inside place over the back-board.

“Are we all right?” said Drysdale, catching his long tandem whip into a knowing double thong.

“All right, sir,” said the head ostler, touching his cap.

“You'd better have come, my boy,” said Drysdale to Tom, as they trotted off out of the yard; and Tom couldn't help envying them as he followed, and watched the dog cart lessening rapidly down the empty street, and heard the notes of the yard of tin, which Blake managed to make really musical, borne back on the soft western breeze. It was such a pleasant morning for fishing.

However, it was too late to repent, had he wished it; and so he got back to chapel, and destroyed the whole effect of the morning service on Miller's mind, by delivering Blake's message to that choleric coxswain as soon as chapel was over. Miller vowed for the twentieth time that Blake should be turned out of the boat, and went off to the Captain's rooms to torment him, and consult what was to be done.

The weather continued magnificent—a soft, dull grey March day, and a steady wind; and the thought of the lucky fishermen, and visions of creels filled with huge three-pounders, haunted Tom at lecture, and throughout the day.

At two o'clock he was down at the river. The college eight was to go down for the first time in the season to the reached below Nuneham, for a good training pull, and he had notice, to his great joy, that he was to be tried in the boat. But, great, no doubt, as was the glory, the price was a heavy one. This was the first time he had been subjected to the tender mercies of Miller, the coxswain, or had pulled behind the Captain; and it did not take long to convince him that it was a very different style of thing from anything he had as yet been accustomed to in the freshman's crew. The long steady sweep of the so-called paddle tried him almost as much as the breathless strain of the spurt.

Miller, too, was in one of his most relentless moods. He was angry at Blake's desertion, and seemed to think that Tom had something to do with it, though he simply delivered the message which had been entrusted to him; and so, though he distributed rebuke and objurgation to every man in the boat except the Captain, he seemed to our hero to take particular delight in working him. There he stood in the stern, the fiery little coxswain, leaning forward with a tiller-rope in each hand, and bending to every stroke, shouting his warnings, and rebukes, and monitions to Tom, till he drove him to his wits' end. By the time the boat came back to Hall's, his arms were so numb that he could hardly tell whether his oar was in or out of his hand; his legs were stiff and aching, and every muscle in his body felt as if it had been pulled out an inch or two. As he walked up to College, he felt as if his shoulders and legs had nothing to do with one another; in short, he had had a very hard day's work, and, after going fast asleep at a wine-party, and trying in vain to rouse himself by a stroll in the streets, fairly gave in about ten o'clock and went to bed without remembering to sport his oak.

For some hours he slept the sleep of the dead, but at last began to be conscious of voices, and the clicking of glasses, and laughter, and scraps of songs; and after turning himself once or twice in bed, to ascertain whether he was awake or no, rubbed his eyes, sat up, and became aware that something very entertaining to the parties concerned was going on in his sitting-room. After listening for a minute, he jumped up, threw on his shooting-coat, and appeared at the door of his own sitting-room, where he paused a moment to contemplate the scene which met his astonished vision. His fire recently replenished, was burning brightly in the grate, and his candles on the table on which stood his whisky bottle, and tumblers, and hot water. On his sofa, which had been wheeled round before the fire, reclined Drysdale, on his back, in his pet attitude, one leg crossed over the other, with a paper in his hand, from which he was singing, and in the arm-chair sat Blake, while Jack was coiled on the rug, turning himself every now and then in a sort of uneasy protest against his master's untimely hilarity. At first, Tom felt inclined to be angry, but the jolly shout of laughter with which Drysdale received him, as he stepped out into the light in night-shirt, shooting-coat, and dishevelled hair, appeased him at once.

“Why, Brown, you don't mean to say you have been in bed this last half-hour? We looked into the bed-room, and thought it was empty. Sit down, old fellow, and make yourself at home. Have a glass of grog; it's first-rate whisky.”

“Well you're a couple of cool hands, I must say,” said Tom. “How did you get in?”

“Through the door, like honest men,” said Drysdale. “You're the only good fellow in college to-night. When we got back our fires were out, and we've been all round the college, and found all the oaks sported but yours. Never sport your oak, old boy; it's a bad habit. You don't know what time in the morning you may entertain angels unawares.”

“You're a rum pair of angels, anyhow,” said Tom, taking his seat on the sofa. “But what o'clock is it?”

“Oh, about half-past one,” said Drysdale. “We've had a series of catastrophes. Never got into college till near one. I thought we should never have waked that besotted little porter. However, here we are at last, you see, all right.”

“So it seems,” said Tom; “but how about the fishing?”

“Fishing! We've never thrown a fly all day,” said Drysdale.

“He is so cursedly conceited about his knowledge of the country,” struck in Blake. “What with that, and his awful twist, and his incurable habit of gossiping, and his blackguard dog, and his team of a devil and a young female—”

“Hold your scandalous tongue,” shouted Drysdale. “To hear you talking of my twist, indeed; you ate four chops and a whole chicken to-day, at dinner, to your own cheek, you know.”

“That's quite another thing,” said Blake. “I like to see a fellow an honest grubber at breakfast and dinner; but you've always got your nose in the manger. That's how we all got wrong to-day, Brown. You saw what a breakfast he ate before starting; well, nothing would satisfy him but another at Whitney. There we fell in with a bird in mahogany tops, and, as usual, Drysdale began chumming with him. He knew all about the fishing of the next three counties. I daresay he did. My private belief is, that he is one of the Hungerford town council, who let the fishing there; at any rate, he swore it was no use our going to Fairford; the only place where fish would be in season was Hungerford. Of course Drysdale swallowed it all, and nothing would serve him but that we should turn off for Hungerford at once. Now, I did go once to Hungerford races, and I ventured to suggest that we should never get near the place. Not a bit of use; he knew every foot of the country. It was then about nine; he would guarantee that we should be there by twelve, at latest.”

“So we should have been, but for accidents,” struck in Drysdale.

“Well, at any rate, what we did was to drive into Farringdon, instead of Hungerford, both horses dead done up, at twelve o'clock, after missing our way about twenty times.”

“Because you would put in your oar,” said Drysdale.

“Then grub again,” went on Blake, “and an hour to bait the horses. I knew we were as likely to get to Jericho as to Hungerford. However, he would start; but, luckily, about two miles from Farringdon, old Satan bowled quietly into a bank, broke a shaft, and deposited us then and there. He wasn't such a fool as to be going to Hungerford at that time of day; the first time in his wicked old life that I ever remember seeing him do anything that pleased me.”

“Come, now,” said Drysdale, “do you mean to say you ever sat behind a better wheeler, when he's in a decent temper?”

“Can't say,” said Blake; “never sat behind him in a good temper, that I can remember.”

“I'll trot him five miles out and home in a dog-cart, on any road out of Oxford, against any horse you can bring, for a fiver.”

“Done!” said Blake.

“But were you upset?” said Tom. “How did you get into the bank?”

“Why, you see,” said Drysdale, “Jessy,—that's the little blood-mare, my leader,—is very young, and as shy and skittish as the rest of her sex. We turned a corner sharp, and came right upon a gipsy encampment. Up she went into the air in a moment, and then turned right around and came head on at the cart. I gave her the double thong across her face to send her back again, and Satan, seizing the opportunity, rushed against the bank, dragging her with him, and snapping the shaft.”

“And so ended our day's fishing,” said Blake. “And next moment out jumps that brute Jack, and pitches into the gipsy's dog, who had come up very naturally to have a look at what was going on. Down jumps Drysdale to see that his beast gets fair play, leaving me and the help to look after the wreck, and keep his precious wheeler from kicking the cart into little pieces.”

“Come, now,” said Drysdale, “you must own we fell on our legs after all. Hadn't we a jolly afternoon? I'm thinking of turning tramp, Brown. We spent three or four hours in that camp, and Blake got spooney on a gipsy girl, and has written I don't know how many songs on them. Didn't you hear us singing them just now?”

“But how did you get the cart mended?” said Tom.

“Oh, the tinker patched up the shaft for us,—a cunning old beggar, the pere de famille of the encampment; up to every move on the board. He wanted to have a deal with me for Jessy. But 'pon my honor, we had a good time of it. There was the old tinker, mending the shaft, in his fur cap, with a black pipe, one inch long, sticking out of his mouth; and the old brown parchment of a mother, with her head in a red handkerchief, smoking a ditto pipe to the tinker's, who told our fortunes, and talked like a printed book. Then there was his wife, and the slip of a girl who bowled over Blake there, and half a dozen ragged brats; and a fellow on a tramp, not a gipsy—some runaway apprentice, I take it, but a jolly dog—with no luggage but an old fiddle on which he scraped away uncommonly well, and set Blake making rhymes as we sat in the tent. You never heard any of his songs. Here's one for each of us; we're going to get up the characters and sing them about the country;—now for a rehearsal; I'll be the tinker.”

“No, you must take the servant girl,” said Blake.

“Well, we'll toss up for characters when the time comes. You begin then; here's a song,” and he handed one of the papers to Blake, who began singing—

“Enter Silly Sally; that's I, for the present you see,” said Drysdale; and he began—

“Then you must be the old gipsy woman, Mother Patrico; here's your part Brown.”

“But what's the tune?” said Tom.

“Oh, you can't miss it; go ahead;” and so Tom, who was dropping into the humour of the thing, droned out from the MS. handed to him—

“Now, tinker,” said Drysdale, nodding at Blake, who rattled on,—

DRYSDALE, as Silly Sally.

TOM, as Mother Patrico.

BLAKE, as the Tinker.

DRYSDALE, as Silly Sally.

TOM, as Mother Patrico

BLAKE, as the Tinker.

DRYSDALE, as Silly Sally.

TOM, as Mother Patrico.

“Well, won't that do? won't it bring the house down? I'm going to send for dresses to London, and we'll start next week.”

“What, on the tramp, singing these songs?”

“Yes; we'll begin in some out-of-the-way place till we get used to it.”

“And end in the lock-up, I should say,” said Tom; “it'll be a good lark, though. Now, you haven't told me how you got home.”

“Oh, we left camp at about five—”

“The tinker having extracted a sovereign from Drysdale,” interrupted Blake.

“What did you give to the little gypsy yourself?” retorted Drysdale; “I saw your adieus under the thorn-bush.—Well, we got on all right to old Murdock's, at Kingston Inn, by about seven, and there we had dinner; and after dinner the old boy came in. He and I are great chums, for I'm often there, and always ask him in. But that beggar Blake, who never saw him before, cut me clean out in five minutes. Fancy his swearing he is Scotch, and that an ancestor of his in the sixteenth century married a Murdock!”

“Well, when you come to think what a lot of ancestors one must have had at that time, it's probably true,” said Blake.

“At any rate, it took,” went on Drysdale. “I thought old Murdock would have wept on his neck. As it was, he scattered snuff enough to fill a pint pot over him out of his mull, and began talking Gaelic. And Blake had the cheek to jabber a lot of gibberish back to him, as if he understood every word.”

“Gibberish! it was the purest Gaelic,” said Blake laughing.

“I heard a lot of Greek words myself,” said Drysdale; “but old Murdock was too pleased at hearing his own clapper going, and too full of whisky, to find him out.”

“Let alone that I doubt whether he remembers more than about five words of his native tongue himself,” said Blake.

“The old boy got so excited that he went up stairs for his plaid and dirk, and dressed himself up in them, apologising that he could not appear in the full grab of old Gaul, in honor of his new-found relative, as his daughter had cut up his old kilt for 'trews for the barnies' during his absence from home. Then they took to more toddy and singing Scotch songs, till at eleven o'clock they were standing on their chairs, right hands clasped, each with one foot on the table, glasses in the other hands, the toddy flying over the room as they swayed about roaring like maniacs, what was it?—oh, I have it:

“He hasn't told you that he tried to join us, and tumbled over the back of his chair into the dirty-plate basket.”

“A libel! a libel!” shouted Drysdale; “the leg of my chair broke, and I stepped down gracefully and safely, and when I looked up and saw what a tottery performance it was, I concluded to give them a wide berth. It would be no joke to have old Murdock topple over on to you. I left them 'wug-an-tooreying,' and went out to look after the trap, which was ordered to be at the door at half-past ten. I found Murdock's ostler very drunk, but sober compared with that rascally help whom we had been fools enough to take with us. They had got the trap out and the horses in, but that old rascal Satan was standing so quiet that I suspected something wrong. Sure enough, when I came to look, they had him up to the cheek on one side of his mouth, and third bar on the other, his belly-band buckled across his back, and no kicking strap. The old brute was chuckling to himself what he would do with us as soon as we had started in that trim. It took half an hour getting all right, as I was the only one able to do anything.”

“Yes, you would have said so,” said Blake, “if you had seen him trying to put Jack up behind. He made six shots with the old dog, and dropped him about on his head and the broad of his back as if he had been a bundle of ells.”

“The fact is, that that rascally ostler had made poor old Jack drunk too,” explained Drysdale, “and he wouldn't be lifted straight. However we got off at last, and hadn't gone a mile before the help (who was maundering away some cursed sentimental ditty or other behind), lurched more heavily than usual, and pitched off into the night somewhere. Blake looked for him for half-an-hour, and couldn't find a hair.”

“You don't mean to say the man tumbled off and you never found him?” said Tom in horror.

“Well, that's about the fact,” said Drysdale; “but it isn't so bad as you think. We had no lamps, and it was an uncommon bad night for running by holloas.”

“But a first-rate night for running by scent,” broke in Blake; “the fellow leant against me until he made his exit, and I'd have backed myself to have hit the scent again half-a-mile off if the wind had only been right.”

“He may have broken his neck,” said Tom.

“Can a fellow sing with a broken neck?” said Drysdale; “hanged if I know! But don't I tell you, we heard him maundering on somewhere or other? And when Blake shouted, he rebuked him piously out of the pitch darkness, and told him to go home and repent. I nearly dropped off the box laughing at them; and then he 'uplifted his testimony,' as he called it, against me, for driving a horse called Satan. I believe he's a ranting methodist spouter.”

“I tried hard to find him,” said Blake; “For I should dearly have liked to kick him safely into the ditch.”

“At last Black Will himself couldn't have held Satan another minute. So Blake scrambled up, and away we came, and knocked into college at one for a finish: the rest you know.”

“Well, you've had a pretty good day of it,” said Tom, who had been hugely amused; “but I should feel nervous about the help, if I were you.”

“Oh, he'll come to no grief, I'll be bound,” said Drysdale, “but what o'clock is it?”

“Three,” said Blake, looking at his watch and getting up; “time to turn in.”

“The first time I ever heard you say that,” said Drysdale.

“Yes; but you forget we were up this morning before the world was aired. Good night, Brown.”

And off the two went, leaving Tom to sport his oak this time, and retire in wonder to bed.

Drysdale was asleep, with Jack curled up on the foot of the bed, in ten minutes. Blake, by the help of wet towels and a knotted piece of whipcord round his forehead, read Pinder till the chapel bell began to ring.

CHAPTER VII—AN EXPLOSION

Our hero soon began to feel that he was contracting his first college friendship. The great, strong, badly-dressed, badly-appointed servitor, who seemed almost at the same time utterly reckless of, and nervously alive to, the opinion of all around him, with his bursts of womanly tenderness and Berserker rage, alternating like storms and sunshine of a July day on a high moorland, his keen sense of humor and appreciation of all the good things of life, the use and enjoyment of which he was so steadily denying himself from high principle, had from the first seized powerfully on all Tom's sympathies, and was daily gaining more hold upon him.

Blessed is the man who has the gift of making friends; for it is one of God's best gifts. It involves many things, but above all, the power of going out of oneself, and seeing and appreciating whatever is noble and living in another man.

But even to him who has the gift, it is often a great puzzle to find out whether a man is really a friend or not. The following is recommended as a test in the case of any man about whom you are not quite sure; especially if he should happen to have more of this world's goods, either in the shape of talents, rank or money, or what not, than you.

Fancy the man stripped stark naked of every thing in the world, except an old pair of trousers and a shirt, for decency's sake, without even a name to him, and dropped down in the middle of Holborn or Piccadilly. Would you go up to him then and there, and lead him out from amongst the cabs and omnibuses, and take him to your own home and feed him and clothe him, and stand by him against all the world, to your last sovereign, and your last leg of mutton? If you wouldn't do this you have no right to call him by the sacred name of friend. If you would, the odds are that he would do the same by you, and you may count yourself a rich man. For, probably were friendship expressible by, or convertible into, current coin of the realm, one such friend would be worth to a man, at least 100,000L. How many millionaires are there in England? I can't even guess; but more by a good many, I fear, than there are men who have ten real friends. But friendship is not expressible or convertible. It is more precious than wisdom; and wisdom “cannot be gotten for gold, nor shall rubies be mentioned in comparison thereof.” Not all the riches that ever came out of earth and sea are worth the assurance of one such real abiding friendship in your heart of hearts.

But for the worth of a friendship commonly so called—meaning thereby a sentiment founded on the good dinners, good stories, opera stalls, and days' shooting you have gotten or hope to get out of a man, the snug things in his gift, and his powers of procuring enjoyment of one kind or another to miserable body or intellect—why, such a friendship as that is to be appraised easily enough, if you find it worth your while; but you will have to pay your pound of flesh for it one way or another—you may take your oath of that. If you follow my advice, you will take a 10L note down, and retire to your crust of bread and liberty.

Tom was rapidly falling into friendship with Hardy. He was not bound hand and foot and carried away captive yet, but he was already getting deep in the toils.

One evening he found himself as usual at Hardy's door about eight o'clock. The oak was open, but he got no answer when he knocked at the inner door. Nevertheless he entered, having quite got over all shyness or ceremony by this time. The room was empty, but two tumblers and the black bottle stood on the table, and the kettle was hissing away on the hob. “Ah,” thought Tom, “he expects me, I see;” so he turned his back to the fire and made himself at home. A quarter of an hour passed, and still Hardy did not return. “Never knew him out so long before at this time of night,” thought Tom. “Perhaps he's at some party. I hope so. It would do him a good deal of good; and I know he might go out if he liked. Next term, see if I won't make him more sociable. It's a stupid custom that freshmen don't give parties in their first term, or I'd do it at once. Why won't he be more sociable? No, after all sociable isn't the word; he's a very sociable fellow at bottom. What in the world is it that he wants?”

And so Tom balanced himself on the two hind legs of one of the Windsor chairs, and betook himself to pondering what it was exactly which ought to be added to Hardy to make him an unexceptional object of hero-worship; when the man himself came suddenly into the room, slamming his oak behind him, and casting his cap and gown fiercely on to the sofa before he noticed our hero.

Tom jumped up at once. “My dear fellow, what's the matter?” he said; “I'm sorry I came in; shall I go?”

“No—don't go—sit down,” said Hardy, abruptly; and then began to smoke fast without saying another word.

Tom waited a few minutes watching for him, and then broke silence again.—

“I am sure something is the matter, Hardy; you look dreadfully put out—what is it?”

“What is it?” said Hardy, bitterly; “Oh, nothing at all—nothing at all; a gentle lesson to servitors as to the duties of their position; not pleasant, perhaps, for a youngster to swallow; but I ought to be used to such things at any rate by this time. I beg your pardon for seeming put out.”

“Do tell me what it is,” said Tom. “I'm sure I am very sorry for anything which annoys you.”

“I believe you are,” said Hardy, looking at him, “and I'm much obliged to you for it. What do you think of that fellow Chanter's offering Smith, the junior servitor, a boy just come up, a bribe of ten pounds to prick him in at chapel when he isn't there?”

“The dirty blackguard,” said Tom; “by Jove he ought to be cut. He will be cut, won't he? You don't mean that he really did offer him the money?”

“I do,” said Hardy, “and the poor little fellow came here after hall to ask me what he should do with tears in his eyes.”

“Chanter ought to be horsewhipped in quad,” said Tom. “I will go and call on Smith directly. What did you do?”

“Why, as soon as I could master myself enough not to lay hands on him,” said Hardy, “I went across to his rooms where he was entertaining a select party, and just gave him his choice between writing an abject apology then and there to my dictation, or having the whole business laid before the principal to-morrow morning. He chose the former alternative, and I made him write such a letter as I don't think he will forget in a hurry.”

“That's good,” said Tom; “but he ought to have been horsewhipped too. It makes one's fingers itch to think of it. However, Smith's all right now.”

“All right!” said Hardy, bitterly. “I don't know what you call 'all right.' Probably the boy's self-respect is hurt for life. You can't salve over this sort of thing with an apology-plaster.”

“Well, I hope it isn't so bad as that,” said Tom.

“Wait till you've tried it yourself,” said Hardy, “I'll tell you what it is; one or two things of this sort—and I've seen many more than that in my time—sink down into you, and leave marks like a red-hot iron.”

“But, Hardy, now, really, did you ever know a bribe offered before?” said Tom.

Hardy thought for a moment. “No,” said he, “I can't say that I have; but things as bad, or nearly as bad, often.” He paused a minute, and then went on; “I tell you, if it were not for my dear old father, who would break his heart over it, I would cut the whole concern to-morrow. I've been near doing it twenty times, and enlisting in a good regiment.”

“Would it be any better there, though?” said Tom, gently, for he felt that he was in a gunpowder magazine.

“Better! yes, it must be better,” said Hardy; “at any rate the youngsters there are marchers and fighters; besides, one would be in the ranks and know one's place. Here one is by way of being a gentleman—God save the mark! A young officer, be he never such a fop or profligate, must take his turn at guard, and carry his life in his hand all over the world wherever he is sent, or he has to leave the service. Service!—yes, that's the word; that's what makes every young red-coat respectable, though he mayn't think it. He is serving his Queen, his country—the devil, too, perhaps—very likely—but still the other is some sort. He is bound to it, sworn to it, must do it; more or less. But a youngster up here, with health, strength, and heaps of money—bound to no earthly service, and choosing that of the devil and his own lusts, because some service or other he must have—I want to know where else under the sun you can see such a sight as that?”

Tom mumbled something to the effect that it was by no means necessary that men at Oxford, either rich or poor, need embark in the service which had been alluded to; which remark, however, only seemed to add fuel to the fire. For Hardy now rose from his chair, and began striding up and down the room, his right arm behind his back, the hand gripping his left elbow, his left hand brought round in front close to his body, and holding the bowl of his pipe, from which he was blowing off clouds in puffs like an engine just starting with a heavy train. The attitude was one of a man painfully trying to curb himself. His eyes burnt like coals under his deep brows. The man altogether looked awful, and Tom felt particularly uncomfortable and puzzled. After a turn or two, Hardy burst out again—

“And who are they, I should like to know, these fellows who dare to offer bribes to gentlemen? How do they live? What do they do for themselves or for this University? By heaven, they are ruining themselves body and soul, and making this place, which was meant for the training of learned and brave and righteous Englishmen, a lie and a snare. And who tries to stop them? Here and there a don is doing his work like a man; the rest are either washing their hands of the business, and spending their time in looking after those who don't want looking after, and cramming those who would be better without the cramming, or else standing by, cap in hand, and shouting, 'Oh young men of large fortune and great connexions! You future dispensers of the good things of this Realm, come to our colleges and all shall be made pleasant!' and the shout is taken up by undergraduates, and tradesmen, and horse-dealers, and cricket-cads, and dog-fanciers 'Come to us, and us, and us, and we will be your toadies!' Let them; let them toady and cringe to their precious idols, till they bring this noble old place down about their ears. Down it will come, down it must come, for down it ought to come, if it can find nothing better to worship than rank, money, and intellect. But to live in the place and love it too, and to see all this going on, and groan and writhe under it, and not be able—”

At this point in his speech Hardy came to the turning-point in his march at the farther end of the room, just opposite his crockery cupboard; but, instead of turning as usual, he paused, let go the hold on his left elbow, poised himself for a moment to get a purchase, and then dashed his right fist full against one of the panels. Crash went the slight deal boards, as if struck with a sledge-hammer, and crash went glass and crockery behind. Tom jumped to his feet, in doubt whether an assault on him would not follow, but the fit was over, and Hardy looked round at him with a rueful and deprecating face. For a moment Tom tried to look solemn and heroic, as befitted the occasion; but somehow, the sudden contrast flashed upon him, and sent him off, before he could think about it, into a roar of laughter, ending in a violent fit of coughing; for in his excitement he had swallowed a mouthful of smoke. Hardy, after holding out for a moment, gave in to the humour of the thing, and the appealing look passed into a smile, and the smile into a laugh, as he turned towards his damaged cupboard, and began opening it carefully in a legitimate manner.

“I say, old fellow,” said Tom, coming up, “I should think you must find it an expensive amusement. Do you often walk into your cupboard like that?”

“You see, Brown, I am naturally a man of a very quick temper.”

“So it seems” said Tom; “but doesn't it hurt your knuckles? I should have something softer put up for me if I were you; your bolster, with a velvet cap on it, or a doctor of divinity's gown, now.”

“You be hanged,” said Hardy, as he disengaged the last splinter, and gently opened the ill-used cupboard door. “Oh, thunder and turf, look here,” he went on, as the state of affairs inside disclosed itself to his view; “how many times have I told that thief George never to put anything on this side of my cupboard! Two tumblers smashed to bits, and I've only four in the world. Lucky we had those two out on the table.”

“And here's a great piece out of the sugar-basin, you see,” said Tom, holding up the broken article; “and, let me see, one cup and three saucers gone to glory.”

“Well, it's lucky it's no worse,” said Hardy, peering over his shoulder; “I had a lot of odd saucers, and there's enough left to last my time. Never mind the smash, let's sit down again and be reasonable.”

Tom sat down in high good humor. He felt himself more on an equality with his host than he had done before, and even thought he might venture on a little mild expostulation or lecturing. But while he was considering how to improve the occasion Hardy began himself.

“I shouldn't go so furious, Brown, if I didn't care about the place so much. I can't bear to think of it as a sort of learning machine, in which I am to grind for three years to get certain degrees which I want. No—this place, and Cambridge, and our great schools, are the heart of dear old England. Did you ever read Secretary Cook's address to the Vice-Chancellor, Doctors, &c. in 1636—more critical times, perhaps, even than ours? No? Well, listen then;” and he went to his bookcase, took down a book, and read; “'The very truth is, that all wise princes respect the welfare of their estates, and consider that schools and universities are (as in a body) the noble and vital parts, which being vigorous and sound send good blood and active spirits into the veins and arteries, which cause health and strength; or, if feeble or ill-affected, corrupt all the vital parts; whereupon grow diseases, and in the end, death itself.' A low standard up here for ten years may corrupt half the parishes in the kingdom.”

“That's true,” said Tom, “but-”

“Yes; and so one has a right to be jealous for Oxford. Every Englishman ought to be.”

“But I really think, Hardy, that you're unreasonable,” said Tom, who had no mind to be done out of his chance of lecturing his host.

“I am very quick-tempered,” said Hardy, “as I told you just now.”

“But you're not fair on the fast set up here. They can't help being rich men, after all.”

“No; so one oughtn't to expect them to be going through the eyes of needles, I suppose. But do you mean to say you ever heard of a more dirty, blackguard business than this?” said Hardy; “he ought to be expelled the University.”

“I admit that,” said Tom; “but it was only one of them, you know. I don't believe there's another man in the set who would have done it.”

“Well, I hope not,” said Hardy; “I may be hard on them—as you say, they can't help being rich. But, now, I don't want you to think me a violent one-sided fanatic; shall I tell you some of my experiences up here—some passages from the life of a servitor?”

“Do,” said Tom, “I should like nothing so well.”