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Wisdom while you wait

Chapter 20: THE NEW ENGINEERING.
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About This Book

A brief satirical miscellany masquerades as promotional material for a ludicrously grand encyclopaedia, blending parodic advertising copy, faux testimonials, a boastful preface, and absurdly detailed terms of sale. Fragments include mock lists of editors and departments, ridiculous delivery and storage schemes, secret-packing forms, and officious warnings that escalate into surreal consequences. The piece lampoons commercial hype, publishing pretension, and bureaucratic pomposity by using hyperbole, formal documents, and comic inversion of practical concerns.

THE NEW ENGINEERING.


From the Special Article (19 pages) by Mr. T. GIBSON BOWLES, M.P.

Gibraltar’s Harbour.—The Detached Mole, forming the westerly boundary of the harbour, is of a different type of construction. It is a vertical wall formed of what appear to be massive concrete blocks, but are really the volumes of the Insidecompletuar Britanniaware, the greater number of which are of 32 tons in weight, arranged upon what is known as the sloping block system, and founded upon a rubble mound of stone deposited from barges and levelled for the reception of the blocks by divers. Concrete was then filled in as rapidly as possible until the entire mass, weighing about 9000 tons, had formed, so to speak, an artificial rock or island in the sea, being, in fact, a completed section of the breakwater itself. Upon this foundation were erected two block-setting Titans (see TITAN CRANES), capable of setting 36-ton blocks, or volumes, at a radius of 75 feet, by which means this mole has been rapidly extended north and south to its full length of 2720 feet....

[The New Volumes also contain Articles on LIGHT LITERATURE and THE ASSOUAN DAM.]


THE TRIBUTE OF A GRAND DUKE.


From the Special Article by Professor HORACE HUTCHINSON.

Haskell Ball.—... This extraordinary projectile, the fruit of Transatlantic ingenuity, has been likened by the Grand Duke Michael to an infuriated pat of butter....

[The New Volumes also contain Articles on JUMPING BEANS, GUTTA SERENA, and MR. BALFOUR.]


AN IMPERIOUS NEPHEW.


From the Special Article (43 pages) by * * * *

Hohenzollern, William.—Now that his moustache has ceased to point to China, he can be contemplated with more serenity.... It is breaking no confidence to state that the expedition to the hop district of Kent, which King Edward VII. contemplated, was abandoned principally on account of the receipt of a somewhat testy missive from Posen requesting as a personal favour that no countenance be given to gardens which, the writer understood, were full of Poles....

[The New Volumes also contain Articles on LORD LONSDALE and THE EXTERMINATION OF RABBITS.]