195. X. THIS FORMATION ON THE PART OF THE WIFE IS EFFECTED BY THE CONJUNCTION OF HER OWN WILL WITH THE INTERNAL WILL OF THE MAN. That the man possesses rational and moral wisdom, and that the wife conjoins herself with those things which relate to his moral wisdom, may be seen above, n. 163-165. The things which relate to rational wisdom constitute the man's understanding, and those which relate to moral wisdom constitute his will. The wife conjoins herself with those things which constitute the man's will. It is the same, whether we say that the wife conjoins herself, or that she conjoins her will to the man's will; because she is born under the influence of the will, and consequently in all her actions acts from the will. The reason why it is said with the man's internal will, is, because the man's will resides in his understanding, and the man's intellectual principle is the inmost principle of the woman, according to what was observed above concerning the formation of the woman from the man, n. 32, and in other places. The man has also an external will; but this frequently takes its tincture from simulation and dissimulation. This will the wife notices; but she does not conjoin herself with it, except pretendedly or in the way of sport.
196. XI. THE END HEREIN IS, THAT THE WILL OF BOTH MAY BECOME ONE, AND THAT THUS BOTH MAY BECOME ONE MAN (homo): for whoever conjoins to himself the will of another, also conjoins to himself his understanding; for the understanding regarded in itself is merely the minister and servant of the will. That this is the case, appears evidently from the affection of love, which moves the understanding to think as it directs. Every affection of love belongs to the will; for what a man loves that he also wills. From these considerations it follows, that whoever conjoins to himself the will of a man conjoins to himself the whole man: hence it is implanted as a principle in the wife's love to unite the will of her husband to her own will; for hereby the wife becomes the husband's, and the husband the wife's; thus both become one man (homo).
197. XII. THIS FORMATION (ON THE PART OF THE WIFE) IS EFFECTED BY AN APPROPRIATION OF THE AFFECTIONS OF THE HUSBAND. This article agrees with the two preceding, because affections are of the will; for affections which are merely derivations of the love, form the will, and make and compose it; but these affections with men are in the understanding, whereas with women they are in the will.
198. XIII. THIS FORMATION (ON THE PART OF THE WIFE) IS EFFECTED BY A RECEPTION OF THE PROPAGATIONS OF THE SOUL OF THE HUSBAND, WITH THE DELIGHT ARISING FROM HER DESIRE TO BE THE LOVE OF HER HUSBAND'S WISDOM. This coincides with what was explained above, n. 172, 173, therefore any further explanation is needless. Conjugial delights with wives arise solely from their desire to be one with their husbands, as good is one with truth in the spiritual marriage. That conjugial love descends from this spiritual marriage, has been proved above in the chapter which treats particularly on that subject; hence it may be seen, as in an image, that the wife conjoins the man to herself, as good conjoins truth to itself; and that the man reciprocally conjoins himself to the wife, according to the reception of her love in himself, as truth reciprocally conjoins itself to good, according to the reception of good in itself; and that thus the love of the wife forms itself by the wisdom of the husband, as good forms itself by truth; for truth is the form of good. From these considerations it is also evident, that conjugial delights with the wife originate principally in her desiring to be one with the husband, consequently to be the love of her husband's wisdom; for in such case she is made sensible of the delights of her own heat in the man's light, according to what was explained in Article IV., n. 188.
199. XIV. THUS A MAIDEN IS FORMED INTO A WIFE, AND A YOUTH INTO A HUSBAND. This flows as a consequence, from what has been said above in this and the foregoing chapter respecting the conjunction of married partners into one flesh. A maiden becomes or is made a wife, because in a wife there are principles taken out of the husband, and therefore supplemental, which were not previously in her as a maiden: a youth also becomes or is made a husband, because in a husband there are principles taken out of the wife, which exalt his receptibility of love and wisdom, and which were not previously in him as a youth: this is the case with those who are principled in love truly conjugial. That it is these who feel themselves a united man (homo), and as it were one flesh, may be seen in the preceding chapter, n. 178. From these considerations it is evident, that with females the maiden principle is changed into that of a wife, and with men the youthful principle is changed into that of a husband. That this is the case, was experimentally confirmed to me in the spiritual world, as follows: Some men asserted, that conjunction with a female before marriage is like conjunction with a wife after marriage.—On hearing this, the wives were very indignant, and said: "There is no likeness at all in the two cases. The difference between them is like that between what is fancied and what is real." Hereupon the men rejoined, "Are you not females as before?" To this the wives replied more sharply, "We are not females, but wives; you are in fancied and not in real love; you therefore talk fancifully." Then the men said, "If you are not females (feminae) still you are women (mulieres):" and they replied, "In the first states of marriage we were women (mulieres); but now we are wives."
200. XV. IN THE MARRIAGE OF ONE MAN WITH ONE WIFE, BETWEEN WHOM THERE EXISTS LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, THE WIFE BECOMES MORE AND MORE A WIFE, AND THE HUSBAND MORE AND MORE A HUSBAND. That love truly conjugial more and more conjoins two into one man (homo), may be seen above n. 178, 179; and as a wife becomes a wife from and according to conjunction with the husband, and in like manner the husband with the wife; and as love truly conjugial endures to eternity, it follows, that the wife becomes more and more a wife, and the husband more and more a husband. The true reason of this is, because in the marriage of love truly conjugial, each married partner becomes continually a more interior man; for that love opens the interiors of their minds; and as these are opened, a man becomes more and more a man (homo): and to become more a man (homo) in the case of the wife is to become more a wife, and in the case of the husband to become more a husband. I have heard from the angels, that the wife becomes more and more a wife as the husband becomes more and more a husband, but not vice versa; because it rarely, if ever, happens, that a chaste wife is wanting in love to her husband, but that the husband is wanting in a return of love to his wife; and that this return of love is wanting because he has no elevation of wisdom, which alone receives the love of the wife: respecting this wisdom see above n. 130, 163-165. These things however they said in regard to marriages on earth.
201. XVI. THUS ALSO THEIR FORMS ARE SUCCESSIVELY PERFECTED AND ENNOBLED FROM WITHIN. The most perfect and noble human form results from the conjunction of two forms by marriage so as to become one form; thus from two fleshes becoming one flesh, according to creation. That in such case the man's mind is elevated into superior light, and the wife's into superior heat, and that then they germinate, and bear flowers and fruits, like trees in the spring, may be seen above, n. 188, 189. That from the nobleness of this form are produced noble fruits, which in the heavens are spiritual, and on earth natural, will be seen in the following article.
202. XVII. CHILDREN BORN OF PARENTS WHO ARE PRINCIPLED IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, DERIVE FROM THEM THE CONJUGIAL PRINCIPLE OF GOOD AND TRUTH, WHENCE THEY HAVE AN INCLINATION AND FACULTY, IF SONS, TO PERCEIVE THE THINGS RELATING TO WISDOM, AND IF DAUGHTERS, TO LOVE THOSE THINGS WHICH WISDOM TEACHES. That children derive from their parents inclination to such things as had been objects of the love and life of the parents, is a truth most perfectly agreeable to the testimony of history in general, and of experience in particular; but that they do not derive or inherit from their parents the affections themselves, and thence the lives of those affections, but only inclinations and faculties thereto, has been shewn me by the wise in the spiritual world; concerning whom, see the two MEMORABLE RELATIONS above adduced. That children to the latest posterity, from innate inclinations, if they are not modified, are led into affections, thoughts, speech, and life, similar to those of their parents, is clearly manifest from the Jews, who at this day are like their fathers in Egypt, in the wilderness, in the land of Canaan, and in the Lord's time; and this likeness is not confined to their minds only, but extends to their countenances; for who does not know a Jew by his look? The case is the same with the descendants of others: from which considerations it may infallibly be concluded, that children are born with inclinations to such things as their parents were inclined to. But it is of the divine providence, lest thought and act should follow inclination, that perverse inclinations may be corrected; and also that a faculty has been implanted for this purpose, by virtue whereof parents and masters have the power of amending the morals of children, and children may afterwards, when they come to years of discretion, amend their own morals.
203. We have said that children derive from their parents the conjugial principle of good and truth, because this is implanted from creation in the soul of every one; for it is that which flows into every man from the Lord, and constitutes his human life. But this conjugial principle passes into derivatives from the soul even to the ultimates of the body. In its passage through these ultimates and those derivatives, it is changed by the man himself in various ways, and sometimes into the opposite, which is called the conjugial or connubial principle of what is evil and false. When this is the case, the mind is closed from beneath, and is sometimes twisted as a spire into the contrary; but with some that principle is not closed, but remains half-open above, and with some open. The latter and the former conjugial principle is the source of those inclinations which children inherit from their parents, a son after one manner, and a daughter after another. The reason why such inclinations are derived from the conjugial principle, is, because, as was proved above, n. 65, conjugial love is the foundation of all loves.
204. The reason why children born of parents who are principled in love truly conjugial, derive inclinations and faculties, if a son, to perceive the things relating to wisdom, and if a daughter, to love the things which wisdom teaches, is, because the conjugial principle of good and truth is implanted from creation in every soul, and also in the principles derived from the soul; for it was shewn above, that this conjugial principle fills the universe from first principles to last, and from a man even to a worm; and also that the faculty to open the inferior principles of the mind even to conjunction with its superior principles, which are in the light and heat of heaven, is also implanted in every man from creation: hence it is evident, that a superior suitableness and facility to conjoin good to truth, and truth to good, and thus to grow wise, is inherited by those who are born from such a marriage; consequently they have a superior suitableness and facility also to embrace the things relating to the church and heaven; for that conjugial love is conjoined with these things, has been frequently shewn above. From these considerations, reason may clearly discover the end for which the Lord the Creator has provided, and still provides, marriages of love truly conjugial.
205. I have been informed by the angels, that those who lived in the most ancient times, live at this day in the heavens, in separate houses, families, and nations, as they had lived on earth, and that scarce any one of a house is wanting; and this because they were principled in love truly conjugial; and that hence their children inherited inclinations to the conjugial principle of good and truth, and were easily initiated into it more and more interiorly by education received from their parents, and afterwards as from themselves, when they become capable of judging for themselves, were introduced into it by the Lord.
206. XVIII. THE REASON OF THIS IS BECAUSE THE SOUL OF THE OFFSPRING IS FROM THE FATHER AND ITS CLOTHING FROM THE MOTHER. No wise man entertains a doubt that the soul is from the father; it is also manifestly conspicuous from minds, and likewise from faces which are the types of minds, in descendants from fathers of families in a regular series; for the father returns as in an image, if not in his sons, yet in his grandsons and great grandsons; and this because the soul constitutes a man's (homo) inmost principle, which may be covered and concealed by the offspring nearest in descent, but nevertheless it comes forth and manifests itself in the more remote issue. That the soul is from the father, and its clothing from the mother, may be illustrated by analogies in the vegetable kingdom. In this kingdom the earth or ground is the common mother, which in itself, as in a womb, receives and clothes seeds; yea, as it were conceives, bears, brings forth, and educates them, as a mother her offspring from the father.
207. To the above I will add TWO MEMORABLE RELATIONS. FIRST. After some time I was looking towards the city Athens, of which mention was made in a former memorable relation, and I heard thence an unusual clamor. There was in it something of laughter, and in the laughter something of indignation, and in the indignation something of sadness: still however the clamor was not thereby dissonant, but consonant: because one tone was not together with the other, but one was within another. In the spiritual world a variety and commixture of affections is distinctly perceived in sound. I inquired from afar what was the matter. They said, "A messenger is arrived from the place where the new comers from the Christian world first appear, bringing information of what he has heard there from three persons, that in the world whence they came they had believed with the generality, that the blessed and happy after death enjoy absolute rest from labor; and since administrations, offices, and employments, are labor, they enjoy rest from these: and as those three persons are now conducted hither by our emissary, and are at the gate waiting for admission, a clamor was made, and it was deliberately resolved they should not be introduced into the Palladium on Parnassus, as the former were, but into the great auditory, to communicate the news they brought from the Christian world: accordingly some deputies have been sent to introduce them in form." Being at that time myself in the spirit, and distances with spirits being according to the states of their affections, and having at that time a desire to see and hear them, I seemed to myself to be present there, and saw them introduced, and heard what they said. The seniors or wiser part of the audience sat at the sides of the auditory, and the rest in the midst; and before these was an elevated piece of ground. Hither the three strangers, with the messenger, were formally conducted by attendants, through the middle of the auditory. When silence was obtained, they were addressed by a kind of president of the assembly, and asked, "WHAT NEWS FROM THE EARTH?" They replied, "There is a variety of news: but pray tell us what information you want." The president answered, "WHAT NEWS IS THERE FROM THE EARTH CONCERNING OUR WORLD AND HEAVEN?" They replied, "When we first came into this world, we were informed, that here and in heaven there are administrations, offices, employments, trades, studies, relating to all sciences and professions, together with wonderful mechanical arts; and yet we believed that after our removal or translation from the natural world into the spiritual, we should enter upon an eternal rest from labor; and what are employments but labor?" To this the president replied, "By eternal rest from labor did you understand eternal inactivity, in which you should be continually sitting and laying down, with your bosoms and mouths open, attracting and inhaling delights and joys?" "We conceived something of this sort," said the three strangers smiling courteously. Then they were asked, "What connection have joys and delights and the happiness thence resulting, with a state of inactivity? By inactivity the mind is enfeebled and contracted, instead of being strengthened and expanded; or in other words, the man is reduced to a state of death, instead of being quickened into life. Suppose a person to sit still in the most complete inactivity, with his hands hanging down, his eyes fixed on the ground, and withdrawn from all other objects, and suppose him at the same time to be encompassed by an atmosphere of gladness, would not a lethargy seize both his head and body, and the vital expansion of his countenance would be contracted, and at length with relaxed fibres he would nod and totter, till he fell to the earth? What is it that keeps the whole bodily system in its due expansion and tension, but the tension of the mind? and whence comes the tension of the mind but from administrations and employments, while the discharge of them is attended with delight? I will therefore tell you some news from heaven: in that world there are administrations, offices, judicial proceedings both in greater and lesser cases, also mechanical arts and employments." The strangers on hearing of judicial proceedings in heaven, said, "To what purpose are such proceedings? are not all in heaven inspired and led by God, and in consequence thereof taught what is just and right? what need then is there of judges?" The president replied, "In this world we are instructed and learn what is good and true, also what is just and equitable, as in the natural world; and these things we learn, not immediately from God, but mediately through others; and every angel, like every man, thinks what is true, and does what is good, as from himself; and this, according to the state of the angel, is mixed and not pure: and moreover, there are among the angels some of a simple and some of a wise character; and it is the part of the wise to judge, when the simple, from their simplicity and ignorance, are doubtful about what is just, or through mistake wander from it. But as you are as yet strangers in this world, if it be agreeable to you to accompany me into our city, we will shew you all that is contained therein." Then they quitted the auditory, and some of the elders also accompanied them. They were introduced into a large library, which was divided into classes arranged according to the sciences. The three strangers, on seeing so many books, were astonished, and said, "There are books also in this world! whence do you procure parchment and paper, pens and ink?" The elders replied, "We perceive that in the former world you believed that this world is empty and void, because it is spiritual; and you believed so because you had conceived an idea of what is spiritual abstracted from what is material; and that which is so abstracted appeared to you as nothingness, thus as empty and void; when nevertheless in this world there is a fulness of all things. Here all things are SUBSTANTIAL and not material: and material things derive their origin from things substantial. We who live here are spiritual men, because we are substantial and not material; hence in this world we have all things that are in the natural world, in their perfection, even books and writings, and many other things which are not in the natural world." The three strangers, when they heard talk of things SUBSTANTIAL, conceived that it must be so, as well because they saw written books, as because they heard it asserted that material things originate in substantial. For their further confirmation in these particulars, they were conducted to the houses of the scribes, who were copying the writings of the wise ones of the city; and they inspected the writings, and wondered to see them so beautiful and elegant. After this they were conducted to the museums, schools, and colleges, and to the places where they had their literary sports. Some of these were called the sports of the Heliconides, some of the Parnassides, some of the Athæides, and some the sports of the maidens of the fountain. They were told that the latter were so called, because maidens signify affections of the sciences, and every one has intelligence according to his affection for the sciences: the sports so called were spiritual exercises and trials of skill. Afterwards they were led about the city to see the rulers, administrators, and their officers, by whom they were conducted to see several wonderful works executed in a spiritual manner by the artificers. When they had taken a view of all these things, the president again conversed with them about the eternal rest from labor, into which the blessed and happy enter after death, and said, "Eternal rest is not inactivity; for inactivity occasions a thorough languor, dulness, stupor, and drowsiness of the mind and thence of the body; and these things are death and not life, still less eternal life which the angels of heaven enjoy; therefore eternal rest is that which dispels such mischiefs, and causes a man to live; and it is this which elevates the mind; consequently it is by some employment and work that the mind is excited, vivified, and delighted; which is affected according to the use, from which, in which, and to which the mind is actuated. Hence the universal heaven is regarded by the Lord as containing uses; and every angel is an angel according to use; the delight of use carries him along, as a prosperous gale a ship, and causes him to be in eternal peace, and the rest of peace. This is the meaning of eternal rest from labor. That an angel is alive according as his mind is directed to use, is evident from the consideration, that every one has conjugial love with its energy, ability and delights, according as he devotes himself to the genuine use in which he is." When the three strangers were convinced that eternal rest is not inactivity, but the delight of some useful employment, there came some maidens with pieces of embroidery and net-work, wrought with their own hands, which they presented to them. When the novitiate spirits were gone, the maidens sang an ode, wherein they expressed with angelic melody the affection of useful works with the pleasures attending it.
208. THE SECOND MEMORABLE RELATION. While I was meditating on the arcana of conjugial love stored up with wives, there again appeared the GOLDEN SHOWER described above; and I recollected that it fell over a hall in the east where there lived three conjugial loves, that is, three married pairs, who loved each other tenderly. On seeing it, and as if invited by the sweetness of meditating on that love, I hastened towards it, and as I approached, the shower from golden became purple, afterwards scarlet, and when I came near, it was sparkling like dew. I knocked at the door, and when it was opened, I said to the attendant, "Tell the husbands that the person who before came with an angel, is come again, and begs the favor of being admitted into their company." Presently the attendant returned with a message of assent from the husbands, and I entered. The three husbands with their wives were together in an open gallery, and as I paid my respects to them, they returned the compliment. I then asked the wives, Whether the white dove in the window afterwards appeared? They said, "Yes; and to-day also; and it likewise expanded its wings; from which we concluded that you were near at hand, and were desirous of information respecting one other arcanum concerning conjugial love." I inquired, "Why do you say one arcanum; when I came here to learn several?" They replied, "They are arcana, and some of them transcend your wisdom to such a degree, that the understanding of your thought cannot comprehend them. You glory over us on account of your wisdom; but we do not glory over you on account of ours; and yet ours is eminently distinguished above yours, because it enters your inclinations and affections, and sees, perceives, and is sensible of them. You know nothing at all of the inclinations and affections of your own love; and yet these are the principles from and according to which your understanding thinks, consequently from and according to which you are wise; and yet wives are so well acquainted with those principles in their husbands, that they see them in their faces, and hear them from the tone of their voices in conversation, yea, they feel them on their breasts, arms, and cheeks: but we, from the zeal of our love for your happiness, and at the same time for our own, pretend not to know them; and yet we govern them so prudently, that wherever the fancy, good pleasure, and will of our husbands lead, we follow by permitting and suffering it; only bending its direction when it is possible, but in no case forcing it." I asked, "Whence have you this wisdom?" They replied, "It is implanted in us from creation and consequently from birth. Our husbands compare it to instinct; but we say that it is of the divine providence, in order that the men may be rendered happy by their wives. We have heard from our husbands, that the Lord wills that the husband (homo masculus) should act freely according to reason; and that on this account the Lord himself from within governs his freedom, so far as respects the inclinations and affections, and governs it from without by means of his wife; and that thus he forms a man with his wife into an angel of heaven; and moreover love changes its essence, and does not become conjugial love, if it be compelled. But we will be more explicit on this subject: we are moved thereto, that is, to prudence in governing the inclinations and affections of our husbands, so that they may seem to themselves to act freely according to their reason, from this motive, because we are delighted with their love; and we love nothing more than that they should be delighted with our delights, which, in case of their being lightly esteemed by our husbands, become insipid also to us." Having said this, one of the wives entered her chamber, and on her return said, "My dove still flutters its wings, which is a sign that we may make further disclosures." They then said, "We have observed various changes of the inclinations and affections of the men; as that they grow cold towards their wives, while the husbands entertain vain thoughts against the Lord and the church; that they grow cold while they are conceited of their own intelligence; that they grow cold while they regard with desire the wives of others; that they grow cold while their love is adverted to by their wives; not to mention other occasions; and that there are various degrees of their coldness: this we discover from a withdrawal of the sense from their eyes, ears, and bodies, on the presence of our senses. From these few observations you may see, that we know better than the men whether it be well or ill with them; if they are cold towards their wives, it is ill with them, but if they are warm towards them, it is well; therefore wives are continually devising means whereby the men may become warm and not cold towards them; and these means they devise with a sagacity inscrutable to the men." As they said this, the dove was heard to make a sort of moaning; and immediately the wives said, "This is a token to us that we have a wish to communicate greater arcana, but that it is not allowable: probably you will reveal to the men what you have heard." I replied, "I intend to do so: what harm can come from it?" Hereupon the wives talked together on the subject, and then said, "Reveal it, if you like. We are well aware of the power of persuasion which wives possess. They will say to their husbands, 'The man is not in earnest; he tells idle tales: he is but joking from appearances, and from strange fancies usual with men. Do not believe him, but believe us: we know that you are loves, and we obediences.' Therefore you may reveal it if you like; but still the husbands will place no dependence on what comes from your lips, but on that which comes from the lips of their wives which they kiss."
209. There are so many things relating to marriages that, if particularly treated of, they would swell this little work into a large volume: for we might treat particularly of the similitude and dissimilitude subsisting among married partners; of the elevation of natural conjugial love into spiritual, and of their conjunction; of the increase of the one and the decrease of the other; of the varieties and diversities of each; of the intelligence of wives; of the universal conjugial sphere proceeding from heaven, and of its opposite from hell, and of their influx and reception; with many other particulars, which, if individually enlarged upon, would render this work so bulky as to tire the reader. For this reason, and to avoid useless prolixity, we will condense these particulars into UNIVERSAL RESPECTING MARRIAGES. But these, like the foregoing subjects, must be considered distinctly as arranged under the following articles: I. The sense proper to conjugial love is the sense of touch. II. With those who are in love truly conjugial, the faculty of growing wise gradually increases; but with those who are not it decreases. III. With those who are in love truly conjugial the happiness of dwelling together increases; but with those who are not it decreases. IV. With those who are in love truly conjugial, conjunction of minds increases, and therewith friendship; but with those who are not they both decrease. V. Those who are in love truly conjugial continually desire to be one man (homo); but those who are not desire to be two. VI. Those who are in love truly conjugial, in marriage have respect to what is eternal; but with those who are not the case is reversed. VII. Conjugial love resides with chaste wives; but still their love depends on the husbands. VIII. Wives love the bonds of marriage if the men do. IX. The intelligence of women is in itself modest, elegant, pacific, yielding, soft, tender; but the intelligence of men is in itself grave, harsh, hard, daring, fond of licentiousness. X. Wives are in no excitation as men are; but they have a state of preparation for reception. XI. Men have abundant store according to the love of propagating the truths of their wisdom, and to the love of doing uses. XII. Determination is in the good pleasure of the husband. XIII. The conjugial sphere flows from the Lord through heaven into everything in the universe, even to its ultimates. XIV. This sphere is received by the female sex, and through that is transferred into the male sex; and not vice versa. XV. Where there is love truly conjugial, this sphere is received by the wife, and only through her by the husband. XVI. Where there is love not conjugial, this sphere is received indeed by the wife, but not by the husband through her. XVII. Love truly conjugial may exist with one of the married partners and not at the same time with the other. XVIII. There are various similitudes and dissimilitudes, both internal and external, with married partners. XIX. Various similitudes can be conjoined, but not with dissimilitudes. XX. The Lord provides similitudes for those who desire love truly conjugial; and if not on earth, he yet provides them in heaven. XXI. A man (homo) according to the deficiency and loss of conjugial love, approaches to the nature of a beast. We proceed to the explanation of each article.
210. I. THE SENSE PROPER TO CONJUGIAL LOVE IS THE SENSE OF TOUCH. Every love has its own proper sense. The love of seeing, grounded in the love of understanding, has the sense of seeing; and the gratifications proper to it are the various kinds of symmetry and beauty. The love of hearing grounded in the love of hearkening to and obeying, has the sense of hearing; and the gratifications proper to it are the various kinds of harmony. The love of knowing these things which float about in the air, grounded in the love of perceiving, is the sense of smelling; and the gratifications proper to it are the various kinds of fragrance. The love of self-nourishment, grounded in the love of imbibing goods, is the sense of tasting; and the delights proper to it are the various kinds of delicate foods. The love of knowing objects, grounded in the love of circumspection and self-preservation, is the sense of touching, and the gratifications proper to it are the various kinds of titillation. The reason why the love of conjunction with a partner, grounded in the love of uniting good and truth, has the sense of touch proper to it, is, because this sense is common to all the senses, and hence borrows from them somewhat of support and nourishment. That this love brings all the above-mentioned senses into communion with it, and appropriates their gratification, is well known. That the sense of touch is devoted to conjugial love, and is proper to it, is evident from all its sports, and from the exaltation of its subtleties to the highest degree of what is exquisite. But the further consideration of this subject we leave to lovers.
211. II. WITH THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, THE FACULTY OF GROWING WISE INCREASES; BUT WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT IT DECREASES. The faculty of growing wise increases with those who are in love truly conjugial, because this love appertains to married partners on account of wisdom, and according to it, as has been fully proved in the preceding sections; also, because the sense of that love is the touch, which is common to all the senses, and also is full of delights; in consequence of which it opens the interiors of the mind, as it opens the interiors of the senses, and therewith the organical principles of the whole body. Hence it follows, that those who are principled in that love, prefer nothing to growing wise; for a man grows wise in proportion as the interiors of his mind are opened; because by such opening, the thoughts of the understanding are elevated into superior light, and the affections of the will into superior heat; and superior light is wisdom, and superior heat is the love thereof. Spiritual delights conjoined to natural delights, which are the portion of those who are in love truly conjugial, constitute loveliness, and thence the faculty of growing wise. Hence it is that the angels have conjugial love according to wisdom; and the increase of that love and at the same time of its delights is according to the increase of wisdom; and spiritual offspring, which are produced from their marriages, are such things as are of wisdom from the father, and of love from the mother, which they love from a spiritual storge; which love unites with their conjugial love, and continually elevates it, and joins them together.
212. The contrary happens with those who are not in any conjugial love, from not having any love of wisdom. These enter the marriage state with no other end in view than lasciviousness, in which is also the love of growing insane; for every end considered in itself is a love, and lasciviousness in its spiritual origin is insanity. By insanity we mean a delirium in the mind occasioned by false principles; and an eminent degree of delirium is occasioned by truths which are falsified until they are believed to be wisdom. That such persons are opposed to conjugial love, is confirmed or evinced by manifest proof in the spiritual world; where, on perceiving the first scent of conjugial love, they fly into caverns, and shut the doors; and if these are opened, they rave like madmen in the world.
213. III. WITH THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, THE HAPPINESS OF DWELLING TOGETHER INCREASES; BUT WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT IT DECREASES. The happiness of dwelling together increases with those who are in love truly conjugial, because they mutually love each other with every sense. The wife sees nothing more lovely than the husband, and the husband nothing more lovely than the wife; neither do they hear, smell, or touch any thing more lovely; hence the happiness they enjoy of living together in the same house, chamber, and bed. That this is the case, you that are husbands can assure yourselves from the first delights of marriage, which are in their fulness; because at that time the wife is the only one of the sex that is loved. That the reverse is the case with those who are not in conjugial love, is well known.
214. IV. WITH THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL CONJUNCTION OF MINDS INCREASES, AND THEREWITH FRIENDSHIP; BUT WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT, THEY BOTH DECREASE. That conjunction of minds increases with those who are in love truly conjugial, was proved in the chapter ON THE CONJUNCTION OF SOULS AND MINDS BY MARRIAGE, WHICH IS MEANT BY THE LORD'S WORDS, THAT THEY ARE NO LONGER TWO BUT ONE FLESH, see n. 156*-191. But that conjunction increases as friendship unites with love; because friendship is as it were the face and also the raiment of that love; for it not only joins itself to love as raiment, but also conjoins itself thereto as a face. Love preceding friendship is like the love of the sex, which, after the marriage vow, takes its leave and departs; whereas love conjoined to friendship after the marriage vow, remains and is strengthened; it likewise outers more interiorly into the breast, friendship introducing it, and making it truly conjugial. In this case the love makes its friendship also conjugial, which differs greatly from the friendship of every other love; for it is full. That the case is reversed with those who are not principled in conjugial love, is well known. With these, the first friendship, which was insinuated during the time of courtship, and afterwards during the period immediately succeeding marriage, recedes more and more from the interiors of the mind, and thence successively at length retires to the cuticles; and with those who think of separation it entirely departs; but with those who do not think of separation, love remains in the externals, yet it is cold in the internals.
215. V. THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, CONTINUALLY DESIRE TO BE ONE MAN, BUT THOSE WHO ARE NOT IN CONJUGIAL LOVE, DESIRE TO BE TWO. Conjugial love essentially consists in the desire of two to become one; that is, in their desire that two lives may become one life. This desire is the perpetual conatus of that love, from which flow all its effects. That conatus is the very essence of motion, and that desire is the living conatus appertaining to man, is confirmed by the researches of philosophers, and is also evident to such as take a view of the subject from refined reason. Hence it follows, that those who are in love truly conjugial, continually endeavour, that is, desire to be one man. That the contrary is the case with those who are not in conjugial love, they themselves very well know; for as they continually think themselves two from the disunion of their souls and minds, so they do not comprehend what is meant by the Lord's words, "They are no longer two, but one flesh;" Matt. xix. 6.
216. VI. THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, IN MARRIAGE HAVE RESPECT TO WHAT IS ETERNAL; BUT WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT THE CASE IS REVERSED. Those who are in love truly conjugial have respect to what is eternal, because in that love there is eternity; and its eternity is grounded in this, that love with the wife, and wisdom with the husband, increases to eternity; and in the increase or progression the married partners enter more and more interiorly into the blessedness of heaven, which their wisdom and its love have stored up together in themselves: if therefore the idea of what is eternal were to be plucked away, or by any casualty to escape from their minds, it would be as if they were cast down from heaven. What is the state of conjugial partners in heaven, when the idea of what is eternal falls out of their minds, and the idea of what is temporal takes its place, was made evident to me from the following case. On a certain time, permission having been granted for the purpose, two married partners were present with me from heaven: and at that instant the idea of what is eternal respecting marriage was taken away from them by an idle disorderly spirit who was talking with craft and subtlety. Hereupon they began to bewail themselves, saying, that they could not live any longer, and that they felt such misery as they had never felt before. When this was perceived by their co-angels in heaven, the disorderly spirit was removed and cast down; whereupon the idea of what is eternal instantly returned to them, and they were gladdened in heart, and most tenderly embraced each other. Besides this, I have heard two married partners, who at one instant entertained an idea of what is eternal respecting their marriage, and the next an idea of what is temporal. This arose from their being internally dissimilar. When they were in the idea of what is eternal, they were mutually glad; but when in the idea of what is temporal, they said, "There is no longer any marriage between us;" and the wife, "I am no longer a wife, but a concubine;" and the husband, "I am no longer a husband, but an adulterer;" wherefore while their internal dissimilitude was open to them, the man left the woman, and the woman the man: afterwards, however, as each had an idea of what is eternal respecting marriage, they were consociated with suitable partners. From these instances it may be clearly seen, that those who are in love truly conjugial have respect to what is eternal; and if this idea escapes from their inmost thoughts, they are disunited as to conjugial love, though not at the same time as to friendship; for friendship dwells in externals, but conjugial love in internals. The case is similar with marriages on earth, where married partners who tenderly love each other, think of what is eternal respecting the marriage-covenant, and not at all of its termination by death; and if this should enter their thoughts, they are grieved; nevertheless they are cherished again by hope from the thought of its continuance after their decease.
[Transcriber's Note: The out-of-order section number which follows is in the original text, as is the asterisk which does not seem to indicate a footnote.]
216.* VII. CONJUGIAL LOVE RESIDES WITH CHASTE WIVES; BUT STILL THEIR LOVE DEPENDS ON THE HUSBANDS. The reason of this is, because wives are born loves; and hence it is innate to them to desire to be one with their husbands and from this thought of their will they continually feed their love; wherefore to recede from the conatus of uniting themselves to their husbands, would be to recede from themselves: it is otherwise with the husbands, who are not born loves, but recipients of that love from their wives; and on this account, so far as they receive it, so far the wives enter with their love; but so far as they do not receive it, so far the wives stand aloof with their love, and wait in expectation. This is the case with chaste wives; but it is otherwise with the unchaste. From these considerations it is evident, that conjugial love resides with the wives, but that their love depends on the husbands.
217. VIII. WIVES LOVE THE BONDS OF MARRIAGE IF THE MEN DO. This follows from what was said in the foregoing article: moreover, wives naturally desire to be, and to be called wives; this being to them a name of respect and honor; they therefore love the bonds of marriage. And as chaste wives desire, not in name only, but in reality, to be wives, and this is effected by a closer and closer binding with their husbands, therefore they love the bonds of marriage as establishing the marriage-covenant, and this so much the more as they are loved again by their husbands, or what is tantamount, as the men love those bonds.
218. IX. THE INTELLIGENCE OF WOMEN IS IN ITSELF MODEST, ELEGANT, PACIFIC, YIELDING, SOFT, TENDER; BUT THE INTELLIGENCE OF MEN IN ITSELF IS GRAVE, HARSH, HARD, DARING, FOND OF LICENTIOUSNESS. That such is the characteristic distinction of the woman and the man, is very evident from the body, the face, the tone of voice, the conversation, the gesture, and the manners of each: from the BODY, in that there is more hardness in the skin and flesh of men, and more softness in that of women; from the FACE, in that it is harder, more fixed, harsher, of darker complexion, also bearded, thus less beautiful in men; whereas in women it is softer, more yielding, more tender, of fairer complexion, and thence more beautiful; from the TONE OF VOICE, in that it is deeper with men, and sweeter with women; from the CONVERSATION in that with men it is given to licentiousness and daring, but with women it is modest and pacific; from the GESTURE, in that with men it is stronger and firmer, whereas with women it is more weak and feeble; from the MANNERS, in that with men they are more unrestrained, but with women more elegant. How far from the very cradle the genius of men differs from that of women, was discovered to me clearly from seeing a number of boys and girls met together. I saw them at times through a window in the street of a great city, where more than twenty assembled every day. The boys, agreeably to the disposition born with them, in their pastimes were tumultuous, vociferous, apt to fight, to strike, and to throw stones at each other; whereas the girls sat peaceably at the doors of the houses, some playing with little children, some dressing dolls or working on bits of linen, some kissing each other; and to my surprise, they still looked with satisfaction at the boys whose pastimes were so different from their own. Hence I could see plainly, that a man by birth is understanding, and a woman, love; and also the quality of understanding and of love in their principles; and thereby what would be the quality of a man's understanding without conjunction with female love, and afterwards with conjugial love.
219. X. WIVES ARE IN NO EXCITATION AS MEN ARE; BUT THEY HAVE A STATE OF PREPARATION FOR RECEPTION. That men have semination and consequent excitation, and that women have not the latter because they have not the former, is evident, but that women have a state of preparation for reception, and thus for conception, I relate from what has been told me; but what the nature and quality of this state with the women is, I am not allowed to describe; besides, it is known to them alone: but whether their love, while they are in that state, is in the enjoyment of its delight, or in what is undelightful, as some say, they have not made known. This only is generally known, that it is not allowed the husband to say to the wife, that he is able and not willing: for thereby the state of reception is greatly hurt, which is prepared according to the state of the husband's ability.