(Air: "Whist, whist, whist! Here Comes the Bogie Man!")

(Enter Frip dramatically L.)

Frip: Whist!

Brownies: Frip! (All prostrate themselves, touching ground with their foreheads.)

Frip: The deed is done! The scullions all are packing!

Brownies: Oh, noble Frip!

Tip: How did you manage it?

Frip (seating himself on arm of chair. Brownies sit on floor centre, facing him, sideface to audience): I bellowed so—Oooooooh!!!! (groans) and tweaked their ugly noses, and whispered through the keyhole, "Wait till you guard the Christmas pie to-night!" until they all fled shivering to the cook, to give him notice! And now none will be left to guard the pie!

Brownies: 'Tis ours! 'Tis ours! (Brownies rub themselves delightedly.)

Frip: Hush! Now the kitchenmaid and cooklet come, to make all ready for his highness the head cook! We must leave them in peace until the pie is made! But then—

Brownies: We'll steal it! (Singing.)

(They dance off R. Music changes to a bright march. Enter the Kitchenmaid and Cooklet. The Kitchenmaid is a short, fat, rosy, brisk little girl. The Cooklet is a lanky, lazy, sentimental-looking girl. The Kitchenmaid carries pasteboard, with pie-disk, rolling-pin, basin of pastry, mince meat, etc., and enters staggering under her burden. The Cooklet carries a small basin with three apples and a knife, and eats apples as she peels them.)

Kitchen: Oh, my eye and Betty Martin! What a pie we're going to make to-night! Now look sharp, Cooklet, and peel the apples, for the head cook will be here in half a minute, and the Princess, too, to give the final stir-about; and if things aren't ready for her, we shall have our heads chopped off. Oh, dearie, dearie, dearie, dear! (Takes apples from Cooklet and peels them briskly.)

Cooklet (sitting on stool, yawning): Ah, it's all very well for the Princess! Nothing to do but eat and sleep all day. I wish I were she!

Kitchen: My word! I thank my stars I'm not! There she sits all day with those stuck-up ladies, who rule her and fool her and manage her and bully her till she can't call her soul her own! And all the nice young princes who come riding to the castle are sent away without getting so much as a peep at her, because her ladies are so afraid she'll marry one, and then their turned-up noses would be out of joint!

Cooklet: They tell the princes that the Princess is too weary to be troubled with them!

Kitchen: Trouble, indeed! She'd find it no trouble to choose a sweetheart from those nice young men if she were allowed to see them, but she'll never do that, if her ladies have a word in the matter! (Furious talking outside.)

Kitchen: Oh dearie, dearie, dearie, dear! If it isn't the head cook! And oh, my stars, what's happened?

(Enter Head Cook, angrily. Kitchenmaid and Cooklet both stand trembling with fright.)

Head Cook: Nevaire did I hear such impertinence. Who has gone, do you sink? Who has packed up their traps and left me to-night—to-night of all nights! Ze night I make ze Christmas pie! Ze night ze Princess comes with all her ladies to give ze final stir-about! Who? Vat? Ven? Vy? Vy?? vy???

Cooklet and Kitchen (falling on their knees, clasping their hands entreatingly): O sir, pray calm yourself!

Head Cook (dancing about with rage, and shouting): Calm! I am nevaire so perfectly calm in my life! My scullions have gone! Zey vill not vatch ze pie! Because zey fear ze Brownies!

Kitchen: The scullions gone?

Cooklet: Then who's to guard it?

Head Cook: You—of course—you earthworms!

Both: O dear, kind cook, we daren't! (They grovel with fear.)

Head Cook (thunderously): Daren't?

Cooklet: We're afraid of the dark!

Kitchen: And oh, we're afraid of the Brownies!

Head Cook: Afraid—afraid—but vat is zere to be afraid? If ze Brownies come, you have only to sprinkle zem with ze magical red pepper!

Cooklet: I should faint directly I saw them!

Kitchen: O dear, good, handsome, gentle cook, please don't leave us alone down here to-night!

Head Cook (almost speechless with rage): But vat you vant? Do you mean to say—you—vant—Me—so gr-r-r-reat—so gr-r-rand—so mightiful—Me—Chief Head Cook—you vant zat I should keep my eyes avake all night—ven I have a kitchenmaid and cooklet to suffaire for me? Is zat vat you mean, heh?

(They nod sheepishly.)

Cooklet: You're a man!

Head Cook: Me—a man! Vat nonsense! I am cook! You have ze most enormous cheek I've ever hit upon! Bah! (Hits them with rolling-pin.) Get up—you cr-r-r-rawling caterpillars! (Knock at the door; they scream.) Vat! now you make a noise, you squeaking beetles!

Kitchen: There's some one at the door. (They stand trembling.)

Cooklet: Oh, it sounds like a man!

Head Cook (excitedly): A man—my scullions—they have retur-r-rned to me!

Cooklet: The scullions! Saved! (Runs to door R; opens it.)

Kitchen: Oh, it's only a beggar! Be off! (About to shut door.)

Prince (outside): Nay, mistress, I come in search of work!

(Enter Prince Fairasday, disguised in ragged tunic. He is red-haired, and very handsome.)

Cooklet: Work! O sir, here is a scullion for you!

Head Cook: Tut, tut, tut! Zat is for me to say, impertinence! You may come in, young man. (Prince comes down stage. Cook seats himself importantly at table.) Now! Why have you come so late to ask for work?

Prince: I lost my way in the forest.

Cook: Sir! Say, "Sir" ven you spik to me if you do not say "Most Royal Sir." Vatever you like—but do be respectful.

Prince (furious): Sir!!!!!

Head Cook: Zat is better—

Prince: Nay—sir—I—meant—

Head Cook: It does not matter vat you mean so long as you say, "Sir." Now answer, if you wish for a place here! You do—eh?

Prince: Why—why, yes!

Head Cook: Ver' good. Zen vere is your last place?

Prince: I lived in the castle of Prince Fairasday—(Cook raps on table, annoyed.) Eh?

Head Cook (shouting furiously): Sir!

Prince: Oh—oh, yes, I beg your pardon (humbly, laughing), sir.

Head Cook: Vell, zen, I must know vy you leave.

Prince: Why—sir—my master has fallen in love with the Princess Fadeaway—and so I thought I would come and see what sort of a princess she was—for my master in his love-sick fever is sad company for any one.

Head Cook: But if he is so in lof, vy does not your master come to woo the Princess?

Prince: Why, sir (bowing), he had heard of too many who had been denied admittance, and as my master is proud and determined, he made up his mind he would not risk being turned away like the others. But, sir, if you will let me stay and work for you, in whatever post, however humble, I promise you if my answers do not satisfy, my service shall.

Head Cook: You are villing—ah, but zey all say that. H'm—let me see what you can do. Vash up these. (Points to dirty plates.)

Prince: Those! Why, that is scullion's work!

Head Cook: Yes, and there is a scullion's place all ready.

Prince (indignantly): A scullion! I had meant a place with horses—in the garden—where I might work out-of-doors.

Kitchen: O dear, kind young man, pray, pray do not speak like that.

Cooklet: Oh, we beseech you, take the place! (Both fall on knees before him.)

Prince: Why, what's the matter?

Kitchen: If there's no scullion here we have to guard the Christmas pie, and if we guard the pie we d-d-die!

Prince: What danger threatens you?

Both: The Brownies!

Prince: Brownies! What are Brownies?

Head Cook: Vy, vat sort of kitchen have you lived in, if you have never seen ze Brownies?

Prince: Oh, I was more like a friend than a page to my master, sir, and the fact is, I've never been in a kitchen before. Er—what are Brownies?

(Brownies cackle with laughter outside.)

Head Cook: Zey are ze evilest leetle beasts in all ze vorld! Venever you sink you are rid of zem, zere zey are at your elbow. (Brownies laugh again.) Vey steal, zey pinch, zey poke, zey pry, and at night, ven all ze house is still, zey come out, and if you do not keep your eyes ver' wide awake zey vill pinch you till you die—zat is, ven you guard the Christmas pie.

Prince: I? Oh, this pleasant little job is meant for me—me? I thank you, sir? (Indignantly takes up his cap, preparing to go.)

Head Cook: Not so fast, young man. Zey will come, yes; zey vill try to steal, yes—but zere is vun sing zat vill send them avay quick—slick—like zat. It is—RED PEPPER!

Prince: Red Pepper! How dare you call me that?

Head Cook: Eh?

Prince: Who told you I was called Red Pepper?

Head Cook: You?

Prince: Why, yes. Did you not mean me?

Head Cook: Why no. I mean red pepper, from the pepper-pot (taking it off shelf).

Prince: Strange, for that's the name by which I'm known among my people. Why—sir—how can red pepper help me against the Brownies.

DUET (Cook and Prince).

(Air: "There Lived a King, as I've Been Told."—The Gondoliers.)

(A dance can be arranged here with Prince, Cook, Kitchenmaid and Cooklet.)

Kitchen: Ah, sir, you will be brave and take the place?

Cooklet: Oh, yes, dear, brave, kind handsome man! Say, "Yes," and calm our fluttering hearts!

Kitchen: For if we saw a Brownie we should only scream!

Cooklet: And die!

Prince: Why, then, if there's no choice save between myself and you poor maids, why—I must do it. So, sir, I'll guard your pie to-night.

Cooklet: O dear, good, kind young man!

Kitchen: O noble, bold young man! (Both kneel gratefully.)

Head Cook: Get up, I say, get up! You kneel to me—not to zis beggar fellow! And you, sir, get these dishes washed quick, slick, for here ze Princess Fadeaway is coming with her ladies!

Prince: The Princess coming! (He is agitated.)

Head Cook: Yes. Every Christmas night she comes to pat ze crust wiz her own fair fingers!

Prince: Then I shall see her!

Head Cook: Yes—but you need not let zat discompose you—she vill not notice you. It is only to me she vill spik! Because I am Head Cook! I am like royalty—only more so. She comes—she comes—let each be in your place! Now bow, all bow!

(A graceful march played. Enter Princess Fadeaway, attended by Greening and Sweeting. The Princess is a sweet-voiced, gentle little girl. Her ladies are gorgeously attired, and walk and talk in a disagreeable, affected manner.)

Head Cook: Welcome, Princess; the pie awaits your pleasure!

Princess: Good! (She comes to the table, sees Prince, who starts, and drops dishes. He stands staring at her; does not pick dishes up.)

Princess: Why—who is this strange gentleman—

Head Cook (shocked): Hush—hush—Your Highness, it is only the new scullion!

Princess (amazed): Scullion!

Greening: O Princess, how could you take that ragged creature for a gentleman?

Sweeting: I think he looks too fierce for safety. Look how the jackanapes eyes Your Highness!

Princess: He is, indeed, in sorry plight.

Prince: Sorry, indeed, if my rags offend Your Highness—

Greening: Address yourself to us, fellow! 'Tis not for such as you to speak to the Princess!

Prince: Nay, I am in her service, ladies, and it is her I answer if she desires to question me!

Greening: Insolent! I'd have him put in the stocks.

Sweeting: Or whipped at the whipping-post!

Princess: Peace, ladies! I would hear him. How is it you are not in my livery, if you are in my service?

Prince: I have but just this moment reached the castle. I have been traveling in the forest, where the wolves and brambles alike delayed me.

Princess: The wolves? Oh, they have hurt you

Ladies (trying to stop her): Your Highness!

Princess: But see—his wrist is bleeding. I am sure it hurts you! Let me bind it for you (to Prince).

Greening: Princess! how can you stoop to touch a scullion?

Sweeting: Your Highness is strangely forgetting yourself!

Princess: Nay, ladies, it is you who forget yourselves!

DUET (Princess and Prince).

(Air, "When We Are Married."—Belle of New York.)

(The Princess binds up his wrist up stage.)

Greening (furiously to Head Cook): How did you come to engage such a scurvy-looking fellow?

Head Cook: Of a truth, madame, I vould not have done so, madame, but my scullions have all gone, and I had none to guard ze Christmas pie to-night!

Sweeting: The Christmas pie!

Head Cook: Yes, madame, from ze Brownies. He has consent, now I have told him of ze pepper-pot.

Greening: The pepper-pot! You may go, fellow!

(The Cook retires up back, annoyed; bullies Kitchenmaid and Cooklet, R. Prince and Princess center, making pie. Prince helps her. Head Cook furious.)

Greening: Listen, I have an idea! That man is no scullion!

Sweeting: No scullion?

Greening: I am sure of it! See how he holds himself! How easily he talks with the Princess! I believe he is some prince who has made his way into the castle in disguise—

Sweeting: Yes, look! His sword peeps out beneath his rags! When did a scullion ever wear a sword? Oh, what are we to do?

Greening: I told you I had an idea. (To dresser.) He is to watch the pie to-night! We'll take the pepper-pot!

Sweeting: But they'll see us!

Greening: Not if you stand before me!

(Sweeting stands before Greening, holding out her dress while Greening reaches down pepper-pot from dresser.)

Greening: Now when the Brownies come, he'll find his sword will be of little use! See, let us make the Princess come, or she will talk all night!

Sweeting: Your Highness—

Greening: Your Highness!

Sweeting: If Your Highness is quite finished, I pray that Your Highness will not tarry longer in this odious kitchen! The heat is overpowering!

Greening: And I could never stand the smell of raw pastry!

Sweeting: So if Your Highness has quite finished—

Princess (regretfully): Oh, dear, I suppose I must go then! And you will guard the pie to-night! You are sure you are not afraid!

Prince: Afraid! Of course not! If the Brownies come I have the pepper-pot!

Greening (vindictively, aside, and holding the pepper-pot): Have you. (To Princess) Princess, I faint for want of sleep!

Sweeting: And I expire! (Yawning) I droop—I yawn!

Princess: Yes, I see you do! As you're so sleepy, I must consider you and go to bed (sighing). But oh, I shall be glad when morning comes (to Prince), and I am sure you're safe again!

(Graceful march again played. The Princess goes out, followed by ladies; she turns at door, and looks at Prince and sighs, then exit followed by Greening and Sweeting. The Prince stands gazing after her.)

Head Cook: Come, come, come, young man; 'tis time the lights were out and other folk in bed besides Her Highness! And if, instead of staring after her, you'd lend a hand and set the kitchen straight, it would be more seemly.

(Cook, Kitchenmaid and Cooklet bustle about, putting cooking things away from table, leaving only pie.)

Prince (dreamily): Eh? Did you speak?

Head Cook: Shall I tell you what it is? Your head is turned right around! When royalty speaks to me, do I swell out? No! I know my place! I take no notice! But you—you are nosing but a crawling—snail!

Prince: Why, sir, I've been engaged to guard the Christmas pie, and not to listen to your rating, so the sooner you are off to bed the better am I pleased!

(Lights candles and hands them to Cooklet and Kitchenmaid.)

Head Cook (furious, spluttering with rage): Vat—vat—vat—how dare you?

Kitchenmaid: O dear, good, kind young man, how can we leave you? (Both tearfully fall on knees.)

Cooklet: Oh, pray, dear, good young man, be careful.

Kitchen: Yes, dashing, bold young man—don't—don't be careless! (Both howl loudly).

Head Cook: Hussies! Arise! You concern yourselves much too much for zis young man! I cannot sink why so much notice should be taken of a scullion! Yes! (To Prince.) 'Twere better fit I should have told your tale unto Her Highness; and if she questioned you, it was for you to bow and say, "My gr-r-racious master, ze Head Cook, vill spik for me!" In future—please—r-r-remember! (Exit, with dignity, followed by Kitchenmaid and Cooklet. The Brownies cackle with laughter outside. The stage is now dark, lit only by firelight.)

Prince: And so my lady sleeps above, and I am in the kitchen, her humblest scullion! Well, at least I have the chance to serve her now, and guard the dainty pie her dainty fingers touched! (Brownies cackle outside.) What's that? The rats, perhaps, that scutter in the wainscot. Still, if the Brownies come, I'd best have the pepper-pot. If they come—there's little fear of that! I've never seen a Brownie, and what I've never seen, I own, I've little faith in. (Yawning, sitting in armchair.) Well, as I'm to stay all night here, I might as well make myself at ease! (Yawning again.) Oh, dear; I'm very sleepy. (Stretches himself.)

SONG.

(Air: "Little Dolly Daydream.")

(Prince sleeps in armchair. Soft music outside. Enter Brownies, mysteriously, to the air: "Whist! whist! whist!")

(They surround Prince. He wakes.)

Prince: Why, what's this? (Rising) The Brownies! Where's the pepper-pot! (To dresser) Gone! (Brownies cackle.)

(Brownies dance about impishly.)

DUET (Prince and Brownies).

(Air: "There Lived a King."—The Gondoliers.)

(Brownies scream, and are about to run off as enter Princess R. with pepper-pot.)

Prince: Princess! What brings you here?

Princess: They took the pepper-pot away from you! I found it underneath my ladies' pillow, because they sneezed so much it wakened me. But, oh, I see you have not needed it!

Brownies: Oh, no, no, no! Pray, do not pepper us! (Brownies turn and kneel to Princess imploringly.)

Prince: And you came to save me?

Princess: Is it not my duty to protect my scullions?

Prince: Princess, I am no scullion (throws off ragged cloak.) This was a disguise to help me gain admittance to your castle! It was the only way in which I could find a means to woo you. But my name's Prince Fairasday—or, if you like, or as my servants say—Red Pepper. Am I forgiven?

Princess: Oh, yes, indeed you are! (He embraces her.) In the strictest confidence I don't mind telling you I'm longing to be married and get away from all these girls!

Prince: Then we'll be married in the morning!

Princess: As soon as you like—Oh (screams), my ladies! Look, they're coming!

(Enter Sweeting, Greening, Kitchenmaid, Cooklet and Head Cook, in nightgowns and nightcaps, with candles. Stage light. The candles may be blown out. Prince and Princess stand in center; Brownies kneel before them humbly, backs to audience; Head Cook, Kitchenmaid and Cooklet, R. of Princess and Prince. Greening and Sweeting disgusted L.)

FINALE. Cook, Kitchenmaid, Cooklet, Sweeting, Greening (as they enter):

(CURTAIN.)

(For fourteen little ones. Each has a large card, his letter printed on it in bright colors. As he recites, he holds it up in plain view, but drops it to his side at the close of his recitation. S takes his place to the Right, the others following in the order here given until a straight line is formed.)

(All now stand close together and hold their letters at the same height. Then the following lines may be given in concert or spoken by the leader [S] alone.)

Then beginning at the the left, each child may name his letter—