DRAMATIS PERSONF

  LELAND, THE KID              a Road Agent  COWBOY CHARLEY       Same Line of Business  HAPPY HUNTY          Ditto in All Respects  SOOTYMUG                           a Devil
  Scene—the Dutch Flat Stage Road, at 12 P.M., on a Night
  of 1864.

  COWBOY CHARLEY:

  My boss, I fear she is delayed to-night.
  Already it is past the hour, and yet
  My ears have reached no sound of wheels; no note
  Melodious, of long, luxurious oaths
  Betokens the traditional dispute
  (Unsettled from the dawn of time) between
  The driver and off wheeler; no clear chant
  Nor carol of Wells Fargo's messenger
  Unbosoming his soul upon the air—
  his prowess to the tender-foot,
  And how at divers times in sundry ways
  He strewed the roadside with our carcasses.
  Clearly, the stage will not come by to-night.

  LELAND, THE KID:

  I now remember that but yesterday
  I saw three ugly looking fellows start
  From Colfax with a gun apiece, and they
  Did seem on business of importance bent.
  Furtively casting all their eyes about
  And covering their tracks with all the care
  That business men do use. I think perhaps
  They were Directors of that rival line,
  The great Pacific Mail. If so, they have
  Indubitably taken in that coach,
  And we are overreached. Three times before
  This thing has happened, and if once again
  These outside operators dare to cut
  Our rates of profit I shall quit the road
  And take my money out of this concern.
  When robbery no longer pays expense
  It loses then its chiefest charm for me,
  And I prefer to cheat—you hear me shout!

  HAPPY HUNTY:

  My chief, you do but echo back my thoughts:
  This competition is the death of trade.
  'Tis plain (unless we wish to go to work)
  Some other business we must early find.
  What shall it be? The field of usefulness
  Is yearly narrowing with the advance
  Of wealth and population on this coast.
  There's little left that any man can do
  Without some other fellow stepping in
  And doing it as well. If one essay
  To pick a pocket he is sure to feel
  (With what disgust I need not say to you)
  Another hand inserted in the same.
  You crack a crib at dead of night, and lo!
  As you explore the dining-room for plate
  You find, in session there, a graceless band
  Stuffing their coats with spoons, their skins with wine.
  And so it goes. Why even undertake
  To salt a mine and you will find it rich
  With noble specimens placed there before!

  LELAND, THE KID:

  And yet this line of immigration has
  Advantages superior to aught
  That elsewhere offers: all these passengers,
  If punched with care—

  COWBOY CHARLEY:

                     Significant remark!
  It opens up a prospect wide and fair,
  Suggesting to the thoughtful mind—my mind—
  A scheme that is the boss lay-out. Instead
  Of stopping passengers, let's carry them.
  Instead of crying out: "Throw up your hands!"
  Let's say: "Walk up and buy a ticket!" Why
  Should we unwieldy goods and bullion take,
  Watches and all such trifles, when we might
  Far better charge their value three times o'er
  For carrying them to market?

  LELAND, THE KID:

                                Put it there,
  Old son!

  HAPPY HUNTY:

            You take the cake, my dear. We'll build
  A mighty railroad through this pass, and then
  The stage folk will come up to us and squeal,
  And say: "It is bad medicine for both:
  What will you give or take?" And then we'll sell.

  COWBOY CHARLEY:

  Enlarge your notions, little one; this is
  No petty, slouching, opposition scheme,
  To be bought off like honest men and fools;
  Mine eye prophetic pierces through the mists
  That cloud the future, and I seem to see
  A well-devised and executed scheme
  Of wholesale robbery within the law
  (Made by ourselves)—great, permanent, sublime,
  And strong to grapple with the public throat—
  Shaking the stuffing from the public purse,
  The tears from bankrupt merchants' eyes, the blood
  From widows' famished carcasses, the bread
  From orphans' mouths!

  HAPPY HUNTY:

                        Hooray!

  LELAND, THE; KID:

                                Hooray!

  ALL:

                                        Hooray!

  (They tear the masks from their faces, and discharging their
  shotguns, throw them into the chapparal. Then they join hands,
  dance and sing the following song:)
  Ah! blesshd to measure
  The glittering treasure!
    Ah! blesshd to heap up the gold
               Untold
  That flows in a wide
  And deepening tide—
    Rolled, rolled, rolled
  From multifold sources,
  Converging its courses
    Upon our—

  LELAND, THE KID:

  Just wait a bit, my pards, I thought I heard
  A sneaking grizzly cracking the dry twigs.
  Such an intrusion might deprive the State
  Of all the good that we intend it. Ha!

  (Enter Sootymug. He saunters carelessly in and gracefully
  leans his back against a redwood.)
  SOOTYMUG:

  My boys, I thought I heard
    Some careless revelry,
  As if your minds were stirred
    By some new devilry.
  I too am in that line. Indeed, the mission
  On which I come—

  HAPPY HUNTY:

              Here's more damned competition!
                (Curtain.)