The Morning Wedding

To some, nine o'clock in the morning may sound rather eccentric for a wedding, but to people of the Atlantic Coast it is not a bit more so than an evening hour—less so, if anything, because morning is unconventional anyway and etiquette, never being very strong at that hour, is not defied, but merely left quiescent.

If, for any reason, such as taking an early morning train or ship—an early morning wedding might be a good suggestion. The bride should, of course, not wear satin and lace; she could wear organdie (let us hope the nine o'clock wedding is in summer!), or she could wear very simple white crêpe de chine. Her attendants could wear the simplest sort of morning dresses with garden hats; the groom a sack suit or flannels. And the breakfast—really breakfast—could consist of scrambled eggs and bacon and toast and coffee—and griddle cakes!

The above is not written in ridicule; the hour would be "unusual," but a simple early morning wedding where every one is dressed in morning clothes, and where the breakfast suggests the first meal of the day—could be perfectly adorable! The evening wedding on the other hand, lays itself open to criticism because it is a function—a function is formal, and the formal is always strictly in the province of that austere and inflexible lawmaker, Etiquette. And Etiquette at this moment says: "Weddings on the Atlantic seaboard are celebrated not later than four-thirty o'clock in the afternoon!"

Wedding Presents

And now let us return to the more particular details of the wedding of our especial bride.

All gifts as they arrive should be put in a certain room, or part of a room, and never moved away until the description is carefully entered. It will be found a great help to put down the addresses of donors as well as their names so that the bride may not have to waste an unnecessary moment of the overcrowded time which must be spent at her desk.

The Bride's Thanks

The bride who is happy in receiving a great number of presents spends every spare moment in writing her notes of thanks, which must always be written by her personally. Telephoning won't do at all, and neither will a verbal "Thank you so much," as she meets people here and there. She must write a separate letter for each present—a by no means small undertaking! A bride of this year whose presents, because of her family's great prominence, ran far into the hundreds, never went to bed a single night before her wedding until a note of thanks was checked against every present received that day. To those who offered to help her through her overwhelming task, she, who is supposed to be very spoiled, answered: "If people are kind enough to go out and buy a present for me, I think the least I can do is to write at once and thank them." That her effort was appreciated was evident by everyone's commenting on her prompt and charming notes.

Arranging The Presents

Not so much in an effort to parade her possessions as to do justice to the kindness of the many people who have sent them, a bride should show her appreciation of their gifts by placing each one in the position of greatest advantage. Naturally, all people's tastes are not equally pleasing to the taste of the bride—nor are all pocketbooks equally filled. Very valuable presents are better put in close contrast with others of like quality—or others entirely different in character. Colors should be carefully grouped. Two presents, both lovely in themselves, can be made completely destructive to each other if the colors are allowed to clash.

Usually china is put on one table, silver on another, glass on another, laces and linens on another. But pieces that jar together must be separated as far apart as possible and perhaps even moved to other surroundings. A crudely designed piece of silverware should not be left among beautiful examples, but be put among china ornaments, or other articles that do not reveal its lack of fineness by too direct comparison. For the same reason imitation lace should not be put next to real, nor stone-ware next to Chinese porcelain. To group duplicates is another unfortunate arrangement. Eighteen pairs of pepper pots or fourteen sauce-boats in a row might as well be labeled: "Look at this stupidity! What can she do with all of us?" They are sure to make the givers feel at least a little chagrined at their choice.

Cards With Presents

When Mrs. Smith orders a present sent to a bride, she encloses a card reading: "Mr. & Mrs. John Huntington Smith." Nearly every married woman has a plate engraved with both names, but if she hasn't, then she encloses Mr. Smith's card with hers.

Some people write "All good wishes" or "With best wishes," but most people send cards without messages.

If because of illness or absence, a present is not sent until after the wedding, a short note should accompany it, giving the reason for the delay.

When The Presents Are Shown

There is absolutely no impropriety in showing the presents at the wedding reception. They are always shown at country weddings, and, more often than not, at the most fashionable town houses. The only reason for not showing them, is lack of room in an apartment house. In a town house, an up-stairs library, or even a bedroom, from which all the furniture has been removed, is suitable. Tables covered with white damask (plain) tablecloths are put like counters around the sides, and down the center of the room. The cards that were sent with the gifts are sometimes removed, but there is no impropriety in leaving them on, and it certainly saves members of the family from repeating many times who sent this one, and who sent that!

If the house is small so that there is no room available for this display at the wedding, the presents are shown on the day before, and intimate friends are especially asked to come in for tea, and to view them. This is not done if they are to be displayed at the wedding.

Very intimate friends seldom need to be asked; the chances are they will come in often, to see what has come since they were in last!

Occasional brides who dislike the confusing initials, especially ask that presents be marked with their marriage name.

The groom receives few presents. Even those who care about him in particular and have never met his bride, send their present to her, unless they send two presents, one in courtesy to her and one in affection to him. Occasionally some one does send the groom a present, addressed to him and sent to his house. Rather often friends of the groom pick out things particularly suitable for him, such as cigar or cigarette boxes, or rather masculine looking desk sets, etc., which are sent to her but are obviously intended for his use.

Exchanging Wedding Presents

Some people think it discourteous if a bride changes the present chosen for her. All brides exchange some presents, and no friends should allow their feelings to be hurt, unless they are very close to the bride and have chosen the present with particular sentiment. A bride never changes the presents chosen for her by her or the groom's family—unless especially told that she may do so. But to keep twenty-two salt cellars and sixteen silver trays when she has no pepper-pots or coffee spoons or platters or vegetable dishes, would be putting "sentiment" above "sense."

The Trousseau

A trousseau, according to the derivation of the word, was "a little trusse or bundle" that the bride carried with her to the house of her husband. In modern times, the "little bundle" often requires the services of a van to transport.

In Europe it is the custom to begin collecting linen for a girl's trousseau as soon as she is born, but the American bride cares nothing for dozens upon dozens of stout linen articles. She much prefers gossamer texture lavishly embellished with equally perishable lace. Everything must be bought for beauty; utility is not considered at all. No stout hand-woven underwear trimmed with solidly stitched needlework! Modern Miss Millions demands handkerchief linen and Valenciennes lace of a quality that used to be put as trimming on a ball gown, and Miss Smallpurse asks for chiffon and less expensive but even more sheer and perishable laces. Not long ago a stocking was thought fine if it could be run through a wedding ring; to-day no stocking is considered "fit to put on" for town or evening wear unless several together can slip through the measure once the test for one.

The Most Extravagant Trousseau

The most lavish trousseau imaginable for the daughter of the very rich might be supposed to comprise:

House Linen

One to six dozen finest quality embroidered or otherwise "trimmed" linen sheets with large embroidered monogram.

One to six dozen finest quality linen sheets, plain hemstitched, large monogram.

One to six dozen finest quality linen under-sheets, narrow hem and small monogram.

Two pillow cases and also one "little" pillow case (for small down pillow) to match each upper sheet.

Six to twelve blankets.

Three to twelve wool or down-filled quilts.

Two to ten dozen finest quality, extra large, face towels, with Venetian needlework or heavy hand-made lace insertion (or else embroidered at each end), and embroidered monogram.

Five to ten dozen finest quality hemstitched and monogrammed but otherwise plain, towels.

Five to ten dozen little hand towels to match the large ones.

One to two dozen very large bath towels, with embroidered monogram, either white or in color to match the border of towels.

Two to four dozen smaller towels to match.

One tablecloth, six or eight yards long, of finest but untrimmed damask with embroidered monogram on each side, or four corners. Three dozen dinner napkins to match. (Lace inserted and richly embroidered tablecloths of formal dinner size are not in the best taste.)

One tablecloth five to six yards long with two dozen dinner napkins to match.

One to four dozen damask tablecloths two and a half to three yards long, and one dozen dinner napkins to match each tablecloth. All tablecloths and napkins to have embroidered monogram or initials.

Two to six medium sized cut-work, mosaic or Italian lace-work tablecloths, with lunch napkins to match.

Two to six centerpieces, with doilies and lunch napkins to match.

Four to a dozen tea cloths, of filet lace or drawn work or Russian embroidery, with tiny napkins to match. Table pieces and tea-cloths have monograms if there is any plain linen where a monogram can be embroidered, otherwise monograms or initials are put on the napkins only.

One or two dozen damask tablecloths, plain, with monogram, and a dozen napkins to match each.

Two to six dozen kitchen and pantry towels and dishcloths complete the list.

Personal Trousseau

How many dresses can a bride wear? It all depends—is she to be in a big city for the winter season, or at a watering place for the summer? Is she going to travel, or live quietly in the country? It is foolish to get more "outside" clothes than she has immediate use for; fashions change too radically. The most extravagant list for a bride who is to "go out" continually in New York or Newport, would perhaps include a dozen evening dresses, two or three evening wraps, of varying weights. For town there would be from two to four street costumes, a fur coat, another long coat, a dozen hats and from four to ten house dresses. In this day of week-ends in the country, no trousseau, no matter how town-bred the bride, is complete without one or two "country" coats, of fur, leather or woolen materials; several homespun, tweed or tricot suits or dresses; skirts with shirt-waists and sweaters in endless variety; low or flat heeled shoes; woolen or woolen and silk mixture stockings; and sport hats.

If the season is to be spent "out of town"—even in Newport or Palm Beach—the most extravagant bride will find little use for any but country clothes, a very few frocks for Sunday, and possibly a lot of evening dresses. Of course, if she expects to run to town a great deal for lunch, or if she is to travel, she chooses her clothes accordingly.

The Moderate Trousseau

The moderate trousseau simple cuts the above list into a fraction in quantity and also in quality. There is nothing of course that takes the place of the smooth fineness of really beautiful linen—it can no more be imitated than can a diamond, and its value is scarcely less. The "linen" of a really modest trousseau in this day of high prices must of necessity be "cotton." Fortunately, however, many people dislike the chill of linen sheets, and also prefer cotton-face towels, because they absorb better, and cotton is made in attractive designs and in endless variety.

For her personal trousseau, a bride can have everything that is charming and becoming at comparatively little expense. She who knows how to do fine sewing can make things beautiful enough for any one, and the dress made or hat trimmed at home is often quite as pretty on a lovely face and figure as the article bought at exorbitant cost at an establishment of reputation. Youth seldom needs expensive embellishment. Certain things such as footwear and gloves have to be bought, and are necessary. The cost, however, can be modified by choosing dresses that one-color slippers look well with.

In cities such as New York, Washington or Boston, it has never been considered very good taste to make a formal display of the trousseau. A bride may show an intimate friend or two a few of her things, but her trousseau is never spread out on exhibition. There can, however, be no objection to her so doing, if it is the custom of the place in which she lives.

The costumes of the bridesmaids, slippers, stockings, dresses, bouquets, gloves and hats, are selected by the bride, without considering or even consulting them as to their taste or preferences. The bridesmaids are always dressed exactly alike as to texture of materials and model of making, but sometimes their dresses differ in color. For instance, two of them may wear pale blue satin slips covered with blue chiffon and cream lace fichus, and cream-colored "picture" hats trimmed with orchids. The next two wear orchid dresses, cream fichus, and cream hats trimmed with pale blue hydrangeas. The maid of honor likewise wears the same model, but her dress is pink chiffon over pink satin and her cream hat is trimmed with both orchids and hydrangeas. The bouquets would all be alike of orchids and hydrangeas. Their gloves all alike of cream-colored suede, and their slippers, blue, orchid, and pink, with stockings to match. Usually the bridesmaids are all alike in color as well as outline, and the maid of honor exactly the same but in reverse colors. Supposing the bridesmaids to wear pink dresses with blue sashes and pink hats trimmed in blue, and their bouquets are of larkspur—the maid of honor wears the same dress in blue, with pink sash, blue hat trimmed with pink, and carries pink roses.

At Lucy Gilding's wedding, her bridesmaids were dressed in deep shades of burnt orange and yellow, wood-colored slippers and stockings, skirts that shaded from brown through orange to yellow; yellow leghorn hats trimmed with jonquils, and jonquil bouquets. The maid of honor wore yellow running into cream, and her hat, the of the same shape of leghorn, was trimmed with cream feathers, and she carried a huge cream feather fan.

As in the case of the wedding dress, it is foolish to enter into descriptions of clothes more than to indicate that they are of light and fragile materials, more suitable to evening than to daytime. Flower girls and pages are dressed in quaint old-fashioned dresses and suits of satin with odd old-fashioned bonnets—or whatever the bride fancies as being especially "picturesque."

As a warning against the growing habit of artifice, it may not be out of place to quote one commentary made by a man of great distinction who, having seen nothing of the society of very young people for many years, "had to go" to the wedding of a niece. It was one of the biggest weddings of the spring season in New York. The flowers were wonderful, the bridesmaids were many and beautiful, the bride lovely. Afterwards the family talked long about the wedding, but the distinguished uncle said nothing. Finally, he was asked point blank: "Don't you think the wedding was too lovely? Weren't the bridesmaids beautiful?"

"No," said the uncle, "I did not think it was lovely at all. Every one of the bridesmaids was so powdered and painted that there was not a sweet or fresh face among them—I can see a procession just like them any evening on the musical comedy stage! One expects make-up in a theater, but in the house of God it is shocking!"

It is unnecessary to add—if youth, the most beautiful thing in the world, would only appreciate how beautiful it is, and how opposite is the false bloom that comes in boxes and bottles! Shiny noses, colorless lips, sallow skins hide as best they may, and with some excuse, behind powder or lip-stick; but to rouge a rose—!

The Cost Of Being A Bridesmaid

With the exception of parasols, or muffs or fans, which are occasionally carried in place of bouquets and presented by the bride, every article worn by the bridesmaids, flower girls or pages, although chosen by the bride, must be paid for by the wearers.

Even though one particular girl may be able to dress herself very smartly in homemade clothes of her own design and making, those same clothes duplicated eight times seldom turn out well. Why this is so, is a mystery. When a girl looks smart in inferior clothes, the merit is in her, not in the clothes—and in a group of six or eight, five or seven will show a lack of "finish," and the tender-hearted bride who, for the sake of their purses sends her bridesmaids to an average "little woman" to have their clothes made, and to a little hat-place around the corner, is apt to have a rather dowdy little flock fluttering down the aisle in front of her.

How Many Bridesmaids?

This question is answered by: How many friends has she whom she has "always promised" to have with her on that day? Has she a large circle of intimates or only one or two? Her sister is always maid of honor; if she has no sister, she chooses her most intimate friend.

A bride may have a veritable procession: eight or ten bridesmaids, a maid of honor, flower girls and pages. That is, if she follows the English custom, where every younger relative even including the little boys as pages, seems always to be brought into a perfect May-pole procession of ragged ages and sizes.

At an average New York wedding, there are four or six bridesmaids—half of the "maids" may be "matrons," if most of the bride's "group" of friends have married before her. It is, however, not suitable to have young married women as bridesmaids, and then have an unmarried girl as maid of honor.

Best Man And Ushers

The bridegroom always has a best man—his brother if he has one, or his best friend. The number of his ushers is in proportion to the size of the church and the number of guests invited. At a house wedding, ushers are often merely "honorary" and he may have many or none—according to the number of his friends.

As ushers and bridesmaids are chosen only from close friends of the bride and groom, it is scarcely necessary to suggest how to word the asking! Usually they are told that they are expected to serve at the time the engagement is announced, or at any time as they happen to meet. If school or college friends who live at a distance are among the number, letters are necessary. Such as:

"Mary and I are to be married on the tenth of November, and, of course, you are to be an usher." Usually he adds: "My dinner is to be on the seventh at eight o'clock at ——," naming the club or restaurant.

It is unheard of for a man to refuse—unless a bridegroom, for snobbish reasons, asks some one who is not really a friend at all.

Bride's Usher And Groom's Bridesmaid

A brother of the bride, or if she has no brother, then her "favorite cousin" is always asked by the groom to be usher out of compliment to her.

The bride returns the compliment by asking the sister of the groom who is nearest her own age, to be bridesmaid, or if he has no sister, she asks a cousin or even occasionally shows her courtesy by asking the groom to name a particular friend of his. The bride in asking her does not say:

When a foreigner marries an American girl, his own friends being too distant to serve, the ushers are chosen from among the friends of the bride.

Bridegroom Has No Trousseau

A whole outfit of new clothes is never considered necessary for a bridegroom, but shabby ones are scarcely appropriate. Whatever his wardrobe may stand in need of should be bought, if possible. He should have, not necessarily new, plenty of good shirts of all kinds, handkerchiefs, underwear, pajamas, socks, ties, gloves, etc., and a certain number of fresh, or as good as new, suits of clothes.

There was a wedding not long ago which caused quite a lot of derisive comment because the groom's mother provided him with a complete and elaborate trousseau from London, enormous trunks full of every sort of raiment imaginable. That part of it all was very nice; her mistake was in inviting a group of friends in to see the finery. The son was so mortified by this publicity that he appeared at the wedding in clothes conspicuously shabby, in order to counteract the "Mama's-darling-little-newly-wed" effect that the publicity of her generous outlay had produced.

It is proper and fitting for a groom to have as many new clothes as he needs, or pleases, or is able to get—but they are never shown to indiscriminate audiences, they are not featured, and he does not go about looking "dressed up."

The Wedding Clothes Of The Bridegroom

White buckskin gloves are the smartest, but gray suede are the most conventional. White kid is worn only in the evening. It is even becoming the fashion for ushers at small country weddings not to wear gloves at all! But at every wedding, great or small, city or country, etiquette demands that the groom, best man, and ushers, all wear high silk hats, and that the groom carry a walking stick.

Very particular grooms have the soles of their shoes blacked with "water-proof" shoe polish so that when they kneel, their shoes look dark and neat.

What The Best Man Wears

The best man wears precisely what the groom wears, with only one small exception: the groom's boutonnière is slightly different and more elaborate. The groom and best man often wear ties that are different from those worn by the ushers, and occasionally white waistcoats. Otherwise the two principal men are dressed like the ushers.

What The Ushers Wear

It is of greatest importance that in dress each usher be an exact counterpart of his fellows, if the picture is to be perfect.

The Head Usher

Usually there is no "head usher," but in certain localities courtesy designates the usher who is selected to take the bride's mother up the aisle as the "head," or "first" usher.

The Bridesmaids' Luncheon

In many sections of America, especially in the country and in small towns, brides make an especial feature of asking their bridesmaids to a farewell luncheon. The table is elaborately decorated (invariably in pink with bridesmaids' roses), there is a bride's cake (lady cake) and there are favors in the cake, and mottoes, and altogether it is a "lovely party." In New York there is nothing like that at all. If the bride chooses to give a luncheon to her bridesmaids on whatever day suits her best, there is no objection to her doing so, or in fact, to her inviting whom she pleases to whatever sort of a party her mother is willing she should give. It is not a question of approved etiquette but of her own inclination seconded by the consent of her mother!

If her mother "keeps open house," probably they lunch with her many times before the wedding; if, on the other hand, it is not the habit of the family to have "people running in for meals," it is not necessary that she ask them to lunch at all. But whether they lunch often or never, the chances are that they are in and out of her house every day, looking at new presents as they come, perhaps helping her to write the descriptions in the gift book, and in arranging them in the room where they are to be displayed.

The bride usually goes to oversee the last fittings of the bridesmaids' dresses in order to be sure that they are as she wants them. This final trying-on should be arranged for several days at least before the wedding, so there may be sufficient time to make any alterations that are found necessary. Often the bride tries on her wedding dress at the same time so that she may see the effect of the whole wedding picture as it will be, or if she prefers, she tries on her dress at another hour alone.

Bridesmaids And Ushers' Dinner

If a wedding is being held in the country, or where most of the bridesmaids or ushers come from a distance, and they are therefore stopping at the bride's house, or with her neighbors, there is naturally a "dinner" in order to provide for the visitors. But where the wedding is in the city—especially when all the members of the bridal party live there also—the custom of giving a dinner has gone rather out of fashion.

If the bridal party is asked to dine at the house of the bride on the evening before the wedding, it is usually with the purpose of gathering a generally irresponsible group of young people together, and seeing that they go to the church for rehearsal, which is of all things the most important. More often the rehearsal is in the afternoon, after which the young people go to the bride's house for tea, allowing her parents to have her to themselves on her last evening home, and giving her a chance to go early to bed so as to be as pretty as possible on the morrow.

The Bachelor Dinner

Popularly supposed to have been a frightful orgy, and now arid as the Sahara desert and quite as flat and dreary, the bachelor dinner was in truth more often than not, a sheep in wolf's clothing.

The breaking habit originated with drinking the bride's health and breaking the stem of the wine glass, so that it "might never serve a less honorable purpose." A perfectly high-minded sentiment! And this same time-honored custom is followed to this day. Toward the latter end of the dinner the groom rises, and holding a filled champagne glass aloft says: "To the bride!" Every man rises, drinks the toast standing, and then breaks the delicate stem of the glass. The impulse to break more glass is natural to youth, and probably still occurs. It is not hard to understand. The same impulse is seen at every county fair where enthusiastic youths (and men) delight in shooting, or throwing balls, at clay pipes and ducks and—crockery!

Aside from toasting the bride and its glass-smashing result, the groom's farewell dinner is exactly like any other "man's dinner," the details depending upon the extravagance or the frugality of the host, and upon whether his particular friends are staid citizens of sober years or mere boys full of the exuberance of youth. Usually there is music of some sort, or "Neapolitans" or "coons" who sing, or two or three instrumental pieces, and the dinner party itself does the singing. Often the dinner is short and all go to the theater.

Gifts Presented To Ushers

The groom's presents to his ushers are always put at their places at the bachelor dinner. Cuff links are the most popular gift; scarf-pins in localities where they are still fashionable. Silver or gold pencils, belt buckles, key-rings in gold, key-chains in silver, cigarette cases, bill-folders, card-cases, or other small and personal articles are suitable.

The present to the best man is approximately the same, or slightly handsomer than the gift to the ushers.

The bride always directs her wedding rehearsal, but never herself takes part in it, as it is supposed to be bad luck. Some one else—anyone who happens to be present—is appointed understudy.

Nearly always a few especial friends happen in, generally those who are primed with advice as to how everything should be done, but the opinion of the bride or the bride's mother is final.

Vital Importance Of Rehearsal

Most of us are familiar with the wedding service, and its form seems simple enough. But, unless one has by experience learned to take care of seemingly non-existent details, the effect (although few may be able to say why) is hitchy and disjointed, and all the effort spent in preparation is wasted. It is not that gauche happenings are serious offenses, no matter how awkward the incident. Even were the wedding party to get hopelessly entangled, no "crime" would have been committed; but any detail that destroys the smoothness of the general impression is fatal to dignity—and dignity is the qualification necessary above all else in ceremonial observances.

How The Procession Is Drilled

A wedding rehearsal should proceed as follows:

First of all, it is necessary to determine the exact speed at which the march is to be played. The ushers are asked to try it out. They line up at the door, walk forward two and two. The audience, consisting of the bride and her mother, and the bridesmaids, decides whether the pace "looks well." It must not be fast enough to look brisk, or so slow as to be funereal. At one wedding the ushers counted two beats as one and the pace was so slow that they all wabbled in trying to keep their balance. The painfulness to everyone may be imagined. On the other hand it is unsuitable to "trot" up the aisle of a church.

The "audience" having decided the speed, and the organist having noted the tempo, the entire procession, including the bridesmaids and a substitute, instead of the real bride, on her father's arm, go out into the vestibule and make their entry. Remember, the father is an important factor in the ceremony, and must take part in the rehearsal.

The procession is arranged according to height, the two shortest ushers leading—unless others of nearly the same height are found to be more accurate pacemakers. The bridesmaids come directly after the ushers, two and two, also according to height, the shortest in the lead. After the bridesmaids, the maid (or matron) of honor walks alone; flower girls come next (if there are any) and last of all, the understudy bride leaning on the arm of the father, with pages (if she has any) holding up her train. Each pair in the procession follows the two directly in front by four paces or beats of time. In the vestibule, every one in the procession must pay attention to the feet directly in front, the pacemakers can follow the army sergeant's example and say very softly "left, left!" At the end the bride counts eight beats before she and the father put "left foot" forward. The whole trick is starting; after that they just walk naturally to the beat of the music, but keeping the ones in front as nearly as possible at the same distance.