HAVING now no one to interfere with me, I determined to read as hard as my powers, mental and bodily, would allow, so as to give my talents, be they great or small, full scope, and endeavour to evince my gratitude to my unknown benefactor in the only manner that lay open to me, i.e., by proving to him that his liberality had not been thrown away. As the men began to come up, I took care to let it be generally known among my friends that I was reading steadily and in earnest, with a view of going out in honours; and when they became convinced that this was the case, and that whenever I “sported oak” there was positively “no admittance,” they left me to my fate, as one who, in the words of Lawless, “having strayed from the paths of virtue and—eh!—what do you call it? —jollity—had fallen a victim to the vice of mathematics—not a hope of recovery—a regular case of hydrostatics on the brain—eh! don't you see?”
Besides the regular college tutor, I secured the assistance of what, in the slang of the day, we irreverently termed “a coach,” which vehicle, for the conveyance of heavy learning (from himself to his pupils), consisted of a gentleman who, but few years older than those whom he taught, possessed more practical knowledge, and a greater aptitude for the highest scientific research, than it had ever before been my fate to meet with combined in any one individual. Under his able tuition I advanced rapidly, and reading men began to look upon me as a somewhat formidable rival. Several of my opponents, however, were men of first-rate talent, whose powers of mind, as I could not for a moment disguise from myself, were infinitely superior to my own, and with whom my only chance of competing successfully would be by the exercise of indefatigable perseverance and industry. Daylight, therefore (which at this season did not make its appearance over early), found me book in hand, and midnight saw me still seated at my desk—sometimes with a wet towel bound round my head, to cool the throbbing of my heated brow; at others, with a tea-pot of strong green tea by my side, to arouse and stimulate my wearied faculties: conventional specifics, of which, by the way, I very quickly discovered the fallacy.
A fear of completely knocking up, however, induced me to preserve some little method in my madness. I laid down a rule to walk for a couple of hours every day, and thus, although I grew pale and thin, no very dangerous effects appeared likely to ensue from my exertions.
One evening, about a week before the examinations were to begin, I was taking my usual constitutional after Hall; and, careless which way I turned my steps, crossed the river at Moore's, and followed the footpath which led over the fields to the village of Chesterton. There had been a cattle fair at some place in the neighbourhood, which had drawn together a number of disreputable characters, and, in the course of my walk, I passed two or three parties of rather suspicious-looking men. Having nothing valuable about me, however, I continued my walk. I had advanced some half mile or more, when I was roused from my meditations by a cry of “Thieves I thieves! help! hoy! thieves, I say!” accompanied by the noise of blows. When these sounds first reached me I was close to a hedge and stile, across which the footpath led, and from the farther side of which the cries proceeded. It was growing dark, but there still remained light enough to distinguish objects at a moderate distance. To bound over the stile and cast my eyes around was the work of a moment, nor was I much longer in taking part in an affray which was going on.
The person whose cries I had heard was a stout little man, respectably dressed, who was defending himself vigorously with what seemed in the twilight a club, but which turned out eventually to be an umbrella, against the attacks of a tall, strapping fellow, in a rough frieze coat, who was endeavouring to wrest his weapon from him. A still more formidable adversary was, however, approaching in the shape of a second ruffian, who had armed himself with a thick stake out of the hedge, and was creeping cautiously up behind the shorter man, with the evident intention of knocking him on the head. I instantly determined to frustrate his benevolent design, nor was there much time to lose, if I wished my assistance to prove of much avail. Shouting, therefore, as well to intimidate the scoundrels as to let the person attacked know that there was succour at hand, I sprang upon the man who held the cudgel, and, seizing his uplifted arm, succeeded in averting the coming blow from the head of the intended victim, who, ignorant of the impending danger, was making most furious thrusts at his assailant with the point of his umbrella, a novel mode of attack, which seemed to perplex and annoy that individual in no small degree.
I had, however, but little time allowed me to make observations, as the fellow with whom I had interfered, as soon as he perceived that he had only an unarmed man to deal with, appeared determined not to give up his hopes of plunder without a struggle, and, freeing his wrist by a powerful jerk, he aimed a blow at me with the bludgeon, which, had it taken effect, would at once have ended all my anxieties, and brought this veracious history to an abrupt and untimely conclusion. Fortunately, however, for “my gentle public” and their humble servant, I was able, by dodging on one side, to avoid the stroke; and, seeing that matters had now become serious, I closed with him, and, after a short but severe struggle, had the satisfaction of depositing him flat on his back on the green sward. As he fell he dropped his stick, of which I immediately possessed myself, and, planting my foot upon his chest to prevent his rising, I turned to see how the other combatants were getting on. Dame Fortune had not, in this instance, acted up to her usual principle of favouring the brave, for the hero of the umbrella, having struggled gallantly for the preservation of his property and person, had apparently at length been overpowered, and, when I turned towards him, was lying on the ground, while his assailant was endeavouring to rifle his pockets, a matter which was rendered anything but easy of accomplishment by reason of the energetic kicks and struggles of the fallen warrior. It was clear that if I would not have the unfortunate little man robbed before my very eyes, I must go to his assistance. Giving, therefore, my prostrate foe a tap on the head with the stake, by way of a hint to lie still, I advanced to the rescue with uplifted weapon. No sooner did the rascal perceive my approach, than, quitting the fallen man, he sprang up, and, without waiting to be attacked, took to his heels and ran off as fast as his legs would carry him, an example which his companion, seeing the coast clear, hastened to emulate.
My first act, as soon as the thieves had departed, was to assist the old gentleman to rise. As soon as he was on his legs again he shook himself, as if to ascertain that he was uninjured, and exclaimed:—
“Umph! they're gone, are they? the scoundrels, high time they should, I think; where's my umbrella? umph! second I've lost this year—just like me”.
The voice, the manner, but, above all, the emphatic grunts and the final self-accusing soliloquy, “just like me,” could proceed but from one person, my old Helmstone acquaintance, Mr. Frampton; though by what strange chance he should be found wandering by owl-light in a meadow near Cambridge passed my comprehension to conceive. Feeling secure from the alteration which had taken place in me since I had last seen him—an alteration rendered still more complete by my academical costume—that he would be unable to recognise me, I determined to amuse myself a little at his expense before I made myself known to him. In pursuance of this plan I picked up his umbrella and handed it to him, saying in an assumed voice as I did so, “Here is your umbrella, sir”.
“Thank ye, young man, thank ye, cost five-and-twenty shillings last Friday week; umph! might have got a cotton one for less than one quarter the money, that would have done just as well to thump thieves with—a fool and his money—just like me, umph!”
“I hope you are not injured by your fall, or by the rough treatment you have been subjected to?” inquired I.
“Umph! injured?” was the reply; “I've got a great bump on the back of my head, and burst all the buttons off my waistcoat—I don't know whether you call that being injured; but I can tell you I got away from the Thugs at Strangleabad without any such injuries: umph!”
“It was fortunate that I happened to come up just when I did,” observed I.
“Umph! glad you think so,” was the answer; “if that stick had come down upon your skull, as the blackguard meant it to do, you would not have found it quite so fortunate, I've a notion. Umph! all the same, I'm much obliged to you; I might have been robbed and murdered too, if it had not been for you, young man, and if you'll walk home with me to the 'Hoop'—there's a name for an inn!—I'll give you a couple of sovereigns. and that's more than you've earned before to-day, I'll be bound—umph!”
“I shall be delighted to see you safe home, sir, but you will excuse my declining your pecuniary offer, though I must plead guilty to the charge of not having earned as much—I believe I might say, in my whole life before.”
“Umph! I see—a gentleman, eh? and I to offer him money—just like me—a lord, or a duke, I shouldn't wonder—there are all sorts and sizes of 'em here, they tell me—ask him to dinner. Umph! perhaps you'll do me the honour of dining with me, young man—my lord, I mean—mulligatawny—cat smothered in rice, which they call curry—kibobs, and kickshaws—the cook is not so bad for a white; but you should go to India if you care about eating—that's the place for cookery, sir.”
“I shall have much pleasure in accepting your invitation,” replied I, “if you will allow me to run away directly after dinner: I am reading for my degree, and time is precious with me just now.”
“Umph! so it should be always. I see, now I come to look at you, you are one of the cap-and-gown gentlemen.” (Then came an aside—“Cap, indeed! it's a fool's cap would fit one half of 'em best!”) “Pray, may I ask what college you belong to, Mr. ——?”
“Legh is my name, sir—Legh of Trinity.”
“Umph! Trinity; just the man I wanted to get hold of. My name's Frampton, Mr. Lee: they know me well at the India House, sir. When we've had a bit of dinner, and washed this horrid fog out of our throats with a few glasses of wine, I shall be glad to ask you a question or two. Umph!”
“Any information it may be in my power to afford you,” I began——
“That'll do, sir, that'll do,” was the reply. “Perhaps you won't be quite so ready when you hear what it is I want.” Then, in an undertone—“Tell me a parcel of lies, most likely; I know how these young scamps hang by one another, and think it high fun 'to do the governor,' as they call it. Umph!”
On our arrival at the Hoop we were ushered into one of the best sitting-rooms the inn afforded, where a blazing fire soon effaced all traces of the wet-blanket-like fog in which we had been so lately enveloped. I was shown into a comfortable dressing-room to get ready for dinner, an opportunity of which I availed myself to render my appearance as unlike what it had been in former days as circumstances would allow, before again subjecting myself to Mr. Framptqn's scrutiny. For this purpose, I combed my hair back from my face as far as possible, and brushed my whiskers—an acquisition of which I had only lately become possessed—as prominently forward as the growth of the crop permitted. I poked my shirt-collar entirely out of sight, and tied my black neckcloth stiffly up under my chin, and finally buttoned my coat, so as to show off the breadth of my chest and shoulders to the greatest advantage. Thus accoutred, and drawing myself up to my full height, I hastened to rejoin Mr. Frampton. My arrangements seemed thoroughly to have answered their purpose, for he gazed at me without evincing the slightest symptom of recognition. He shook me by the hand, however, and thanked me more cordially than he had yet done for the assistance rendered him, and then rang for dinner. The bill of fare embraced all the Asiatic luxuries he had enumerated, to which, on the strength of having invited a guest, sundry European dishes were added; and with appetites sharpened by our recent adventures, we did full justice to the good cheer that was set before us.
“I HOPE you feel no ill effects from your adventure, sir: you resisted the fellow's attack most spiritedly, and would have beaten him off, I believe, if you had possessed a more serviceable weapon than an umbrella,” observed I to Mr. Frampton, as we drew our chairs to the fire after dinner.
“Umph! all right, sir, all right: a little stiff or so across the back, but not so bad as the tiger at Bundleapoor. I'm not as young as I used to be, and there's a difference between young men and old ones. Young men are all whalebone and whipcord, and it's nothing but hopping, skipping, and jumping with them all day long; when you're turned of sixty-five, sir, the whalebone gets stiff, the whipcord wears out, the skip and jump take their departure, and the hop becomes an involuntary accompaniment to the rheumatism—confound it! Umph!”
“You have been in India, I presume; I think I heard you refer to some adventure with a tiger,” returned I.
“I've been everywhere sir—north, south, east, and west. I ran away from school at twelve years old, because the master chose to believe one of the ushers rather than me, and flogged me for lying when I had spoken the truth. I ran away, sir, and got aboard a ship that was bound for the East Indies, and for five-and-forty years I never saw the white cliffs of Old England; and, when I did return, I might as well have left it alone, for all who knew and cared for me were dead and gone—all dead and gone, dead and gone!” he repeated in a tone of sorrowful earnestness. Then came an aside: “Umph! wonder what I told him that for; something for him to go and make fun of with the other young scapegraces, instead of minding their books:—just like me!”
“You must have seen many strange things, and met with various adventures worthy of note, in the course of your wanderings,” remarked I.
“I must have been a fool if I hadn't,” was the answer. “P'rhaps you think I was—umph! Young folks always think old ones fools, they say.”
“Finish the adage, sir, that old folks know young ones to be so, and then agree with me that it is a saying founded on prejudice, and at variance with truth.”
“Umph! strong words, young gentleman, strong words. I will agree with you so far, that there are old fools as well as young ones—old fools, who, in their worldly wisdom, stigmatise the generous impulses and warm affections of youth as folly, who may yet live to regret the feelings they have crushed, and the affections they have alienated, and find out that the things which they deemed folly may prove in the end the truest wisdom.” Then came the soliloquy: “There I go again—just like me! something else for him to laugh at; don't think he will, though—seems a good lad—wish t'other boy may be like him—umph!” He paused for a minute, and then observed abruptly, “Umph! about the tiger at Bundleapoor. You call to-night's an adventure, sir: wonder what you'd have said if you'd been there!”
“As I was not, would it be asking too great a favour, if I request you to relate the anecdote?”
“Aye, boy, boy, I see you know how to come round an old traveller: set him gossiping about all the fine things he has seen and done in his younger days, and you win his heart at once. Well, fill your glass, sir, and we'll see about it,” was the reply.
I obeyed, Mr. Frampton followed my example, and, after sipping his wine, and grunting several times to clear his throat, began the following recital:—
“Umph! ha! let me recollect. When I was a young shaver, having lived in the world some twenty years or so, I was engaged as a sort of supernumerary clerk in the house of Wilson and Brown at Calcutta; and, having no one else who could be so easily spared, they determined to despatch me on a business negotiation to one of the native princes, about eight hundred miles up the country.
“I travelled with a party of the — Dragoons, commanded by a Captain Slingsby, a man about five years older than myself, and as good a fellow as ever lived. Well, somehow or other, he took a great fancy to me, and nothing would do but that I should accompany him in all his sporting expeditions—for I should tell you that he was a thorough sportsman, and, I believe, entertained some wild notion that he should be able to make one of me. One unfortunate morning he came into my tent, and woke me out of a sound sleep into which I had fallen, after being kept awake half the night by the most diabolical howls and screams that ever were heard out of bedlam, expecting every minute to see some of the performers step in to sup, not with, but upon, me.
“'Come, Frampton, wake up, man,' cried Slingsby; 'here's great and glorious news.'
“'What is it?' said I—'have they found another hamper of ale among the baggage?'
“'Ale! nonsense,' was the reply. 'A shikkaree (native hunter) has just come into camp to say that a young bullock was carried off yesterday, and is lying half eaten in the jungle about a mile from this place; so at last, my boy, I shall have the pleasure of introducing you to a real live tiger.'
“'Thank ye,' said I, 'you're very kind; but if it's at all inconvenient to you this morning you can put it off: another day will do quite as well for me—I'm not in the least hurry.'
“It was of no use, however; all I got for my pains was a poke in the ribs, and an injunction to lose no time in getting ready.
“Before we had done breakfast the great man of the neighbourhood, Rajah somebody or other, made his appearance on his elephant, attended by a train of tawnies, who were to undertake the agreeable duty of beating. Not being considered fit to take care of myself—a melancholy fact of which I was only too conscious—it was decreed that Slingsby and I should occupy the same howdah. Accordingly, at the time appointed, we mounted our elephant; and having a formidable array of guns handed up to us, we started.
“As my companion, and, indeed, every one else concerned in the matter, evidently considered it completely as a party of pleasure, and seemed prepared to enjoy themselves to the utmost, I endeavoured to persuade myself that I did so too; and, consoled by the reflection that if the tiger had positively eaten half a bullock yesterday afternoon, it never could be worth his while to scale our elephant, and run the risk of being shot, for the sake of devouring me, I felt rather bold than otherwise. After proceeding for some distance through the jungle, and rousing, as it seemed to me, every beast that had come out of Noah's Ark, except a tiger, our elephant, who had hitherto conducted himself in a very quiet and gentlemanly manner, suddenly raised his trunk and trumpeted several times—a sure sign, as the mahout informed us, that a tiger was somewhere close at hand.
“'Now then, Frampton,' cried my companion, cocking his double-barrel, 'look out!'
“'For squalls,' returned I, finishing the sentence for him.—'Pray, is there any particular part they like to be shot in? whereabouts shall I aim?'
“'Wherever you can,' replied Slingsby; 'be ready—there he is, by Jupiter!' and, as he spoke, the long grass about a hundred yards in front of us was gently agitated, and I caught a glimpse of what appeared a yellow and black streak, moving swiftly away in an opposite direction. —'Tally ho!' shouted Slingsby, saluting the tiger with both barrels. An angry roar proved that the shots had taken effect, and in another moment a large tiger, lashing his sides with his tail and his eyes glaring with rage, came bounding towards us.
“'Now what's to be done?' exclaimed I—'if you had but left him alone, he was going away as quietly as possible.'
“Slingsby's only reply was a smile, and seizing another gun, he fired again. On receiving this shot the tiger stopped for a moment, and then, with a tremendous bound, sprang towards us, alighting at the foot of a small tree not a yard from the elephant's head.
'That last shot crippled him,' said my companion, 'or we should have had the pleasure of his nearer acquaintance—now for the coup de grâce—fire away!' and as he spoke he leaned forward to take a deliberate aim, when suddenly the front of the howdah gave way, and to my horror Slingsby was precipitated over the elephant's head, into, as it seemed to me, the very jaws of the tiger. A fierce growl and a suppressed cry of agony proved that the monster had seized his prey; and I had completely given up my friend for lost, when the elephant, although greatly alarmed, being urged on by the mahout, took a step forward, and, twisting his trunk round the top of the young tree, bent it down across the loins of the tiger, thus forcing the tortured animal to quit his hold, and affording Slingsby an opportunity of crawling beyond the reach of its teeth and claws. Forgetting my own fears in the imminence of my friend's danger, I only waited till I could get a shot at the tiger without running the risk of hurting Slingsby, and then fired both barrels at his head, and was lucky enough to wound it mortally. The other sportsmen coming up at the moment, the brute received its quietus, but poor Slingsby's arm was broken where the tiger had seized it with its teeth, and his shoulders and chest were severely lacerated by its claws, nor did he entirely recover the shock for many months.{1} And this was my first introduction to a royal tiger, sir. I saw many of 'em afterwards, during the time I spent in India, but I can't say I ever had much liking for their society—umph!”
This anecdote brought others in its train—minutes flew by apace, the wine grew low in the decanters, and it became apparent to me that if I would not lose the whole evening, and go home with my brains muddled beyond all possibility of reading, I must take my departure. Accordingly, pulling out my watch, I reminded Mr. Frampton of my previous stipulation to be allowed to run away as soon as dinner was concluded, adding that I had already stayed longer than was altogether prudent. The reply to this announcement was, “Umph! sit still, sir, sit still; I'm going to ring for another bottle of port”.
Finding, however, that I was determined, he gave up the point, adding: “Umph! well, if you must go, you must, I suppose—though you might refuse a worse offer;—but, if you really are anxious about your studies and wish to distinguish yourself, I won't be the man to hinder you—it's few enough of 'em are like you here, I expect”; then, sotto voce, “wish t'other young monkey might be”. “You hinted before dinner at some information I might be able to give you?” said I interrogatively.
“Umph! did I?—aye, so I did—you see, Mr. Lee, there's a young fellow at Trinity, about your age I should fancy, whom I used to know as a boy,—and—he was a very good boy—and—and—his mother's a widow; poor thing—a very nice boy, I may say, he was—and as I feel a sort of interest about him I thought that you might, perhaps, give one an idea of how he's going on—just a notion—you understand—umph!”
“Exactly, sir,” returned I, “and what may be the name of your friend?”
“Frank Fairlegh,” was the answer.
“You could not have applied to a better person,” replied I. “Frank Fairlegh!—why, he was one of my most intimate friends.”
“Was—umph!”
“Why, yes, it's more was than is, certainly—for since I've been reading hard, it's a positive fact that I've scarcely seen his face.”
“That looks as if he wasn't over fond of reading, then, eh?—umph!”
“You may put that interpretation upon it, certainly,” replied I, “but mind, I don't say it's the true one. I consider it would not be right in me to tell tales out of school; besides there's nothing to tell—everybody knows Frank Fairlegh's a good fellow—ask Lawless—ask Curtis.”
“Umph! Lawless? what? that wild young scamp who goes tearing about the country in a tandem, as if a gig with one horse wasn't dangerous enough, without putting on a second to make the thing positively terrific? he must be badly off for something to do, if he can find no better amusement than trying how nearly he can break a fool's neck, without doing it quite;—umph! Curtis—why, that's the name of the young gentleman—very gentle—who, the landlord tells me, has just been rusticated for insulting Dr. Doublechin, and fastening a muzzle and chain on one of the men they call 'bull-dogs,' saying, forsooth, that it wasn't safe to let such ferocious animals go about loose—nice acquaintance Mr. Frank Fairlegh seems to choose, and you know the quotation, 'Noscitur a sociis'.”
“Oh,” replied I, “but he has others; I have seen him in company with Mr. Wilford.”
"Wilford? the noted duellist, that scoundrel who has lately shot the son of Sir John Oaklands, as fine a young man as ever I set eyes upon?—for I have often seen him when I was living at Helmstone; if I thought, sir, that Fairlegh was a friend of that man—I'd—I'd—well, sir,” he exclaimed, seeing my eyes fixed upon him with a degree of interest I could not conceal, “it's nothing to you, I suppose, what I may intend to do by Mr. Frank Fairlegh! I may be his grandfather for anything you can tell to the contrary; and I may choose to cut him off with a shilling, I imagine, without its affecting you in any way—umph?”
“Scarcely so, Mr. Frampton,” replied I, turning away to hide an irrepressible smile, “if it is in consequence of what I have told you that you are angry with poor Frank.”
“Angry, sir, angry”—was the answer—“I'm never angry—there's nothing worth being angry about in this world. Do you take snuff, sir? I've some that came from—Umph! eh!” he continued, fumbling in all his pockets—“hope I haven't lost my box—given me by the Begum of Cuddleakee—splendid woman—only complexion too strong of the tawny—Umph! left it in the other room, I suppose—back in a moment, sir—Umph! umph!” and, suiting the action to the word, he went out, slamming the door behind him.
As the reader may suppose, I was equally surprised and pleased to find that my old friend not only remembered our former intimacy, but felt so warm an interest in my welfare as to have put himself quite in a rage on hearing of my supposed delinquencies. Although it had been the means of eliciting such strong indications of his continued regard for me, I felt half sorry for the deception I had practised upon him—the only thing that could be done now, however, was to make myself known to him without delay, and his absence from the room enabled me to put in practice a plan for doing so which I had had in my mind all along. Accordingly, going up to the chimney-glass I shook my hair forward, so that it fell in waving curls about my face and forehead—took the stiffener out of my neckcloth and, knotting the latter closely round my throat, turned down my shirt-collar, so as to resemble as nearly as possible the Byron-tie of my boyhood—then unbuttoning and throwing open my coat I resumed my seat, arranging the candles so as to throw the light full upon my face as I did so. I had scarcely completed my arrangements when I heard Mr. Frampton's footstep in the passage, and in another moment he entered the room. “All right, Mr. Lee, all right, sir; I found the box in my other coat-pocket; I was afraid the thieves might have forestalled me; but—Umph!—eh!—why?—who?” Catching sight of me as he spoke, he stopped short, and, shading his eyes with his hand, gazed earnestly at me, with a look half-bewildered, half-incredulous. Taking advantage of his silence I inquired in my natural tone and manner whether he had seen Dr. Mildman lately.
“Umph! eh! Dr. Mildman?” was the reply—“why it can't be—and yet it is—the boy Frank Fairlegh himself! Oh! you young villain!” and completely overcome by the sudden and unexpected nature of the surprise he sank back into a chair, looking the picture of astonishment.
Springing to his side, and pressing his hand warmly between my own, I exclaimed, “Forgive me for the trick I have played you, sir. I knew you the moment I heard your voice, when I was helping you up to-night, and, finding you did not recognise me, I could not resist the temptation of preserving my incognito a little longer, and introducing myself as a stranger.”
“Oh! you young scapegrace,” was the rejoinder, “if ever I forgive you, I'll—umph!—that I will”—then changing his tone to one of much feeling, he continued, “So you hadn't forgotten the old man then, Frank? good boy, good boy”.
I had seated myself on a stool at his feet, and as he spoke he patted my head with his hand, as if I had been a favourite dog.
“And all the things you said against yourself were so many lies, I suppose? Umph! you are no friend to the homicide Wilford?”
“True to the ear, but false to the sense, sir,” replied I. “Harry Oaklands is the dearest friend I have on earth; we love each other as brothers—between the man whose hand was so lately raised to shed that brother's blood, and myself, there can be little friendship—if I do not positively hate him, it is only because I would not willingly hate any one. Lawless was an old fellow-pupil of mine, and, though he has many follies about him, is at bottom more kind-hearted and well-disposed than people give him credit for; we still continue friends, therefore, but, our habits and pursuits being essentially different, I see very little of him—with Curtis I never exchanged half a dozen words in my life.”
“Umph! I understand, I understand; and how is Harry Oaklands? better again, eh?”
The reply to this query led to my being obliged to give Mr. Frampton a succinct account of the duel, and it was not till I explained my intention of trying for honours, and made him comprehend the necessity of my being fully prepared for the ensuing examination, that he would hear of my departure; and, when at last he did allow me to go, he insisted on accompanying me to the gate of Trinity, and made me promise to let him see me as often as I was able during his stay in Cambridge, where, he informed me, he proposed remaining till after the degrees wore conferred.
MORE WAYS THAN ONE
“This is as strange a thing as e'er I looked on.”—The Tempest.
“These news, my lords, may cheer our drooping spirits.”—King Henry VI.
“And liquor, likewise, will I give to thee, And friendship shall combine, and brotherhood.”—King Henry V.
THE week passed away like a dream, and with a beating heart and throbbing pulse I went through the various examinations, and engaged with my competitors in the struggle for honours. Anxious in the highest degree as to the result of my labours, I scarcely ate, drank, or slept, and, had the necessity for exertion been protracted much longer, my mind could not have borne the continued strain, and I should probably have had a brain fever. It was the eventful Friday morning on which the list was to come out, and in the course of an hour or two my fate would be known. Utterly worn out by a night which anxiety had rendered sleepless, I had hastily swallowed a cup of tea, and, turning away from the untasted eatables, flung myself, wrapped in a dressing-gown, on the sofa. I had not, however, lain there above a quarter of an hour, when a tap was heard at the door, and Mr. Frampton made his appearance, attired as usual in the well-remembered blue coat, with brass buttons, drab shorts, and gaiters, with the broad-brimmed hat, lined with green, fixed sturdily on his head, as if it was not made to take off at any time.
"Umph! found my way up, you see! Fellow you call the gyp wanted to make me believe you were out—thought I looked too like a governor to be let in, I suppose; but it wouldn't do, sir; old birds are not to be caught with chaff; and he spoke with an air of such intense honesty that I felt sure he was lying, and told him so.—Don't get up, boy, don't get up; you look as jaded as a hunted antelope. Why, you've never touched your breakfast; you'll kill yourself if you go on at this rate.”
“It will not last much longer, sir,” said I; “in about another hour or so my fate will be known. The list comes out this morning. Some of my friends were to call for me, and we were to make a party to go down to the Senate House together, for there is sure to be a crowd; but I shall let them go without me, for I'm in such a state of nervous anxiety that I feel fit for nothing.”
“Umph! I'll go with them, if they've no objection,” returned Mr. Frampton. “If I should happen to get knocked over in the scuffle, I shall want somebody to pick me up again. I shall like to see how near the tail of the list they stick your name, Frank—umph!”
At this moment the door was flung open, and Lawless, Archer, and one or two more men of my acquaintance came tumbling over one another into the room, laughing vociferously at some unknown jest. Owing to the shape of the apartment, the place where Mr. Frampton had seated himself was not easily to be seen as you entered, consequently none of them observed him.
“Fairlegh, old boy!” began Archer—
“Eh! here's such a tremendous go!” broke in Lawless. “Where's the smelling-bottle? Archer swears he has just seen the ghost of Noah's great-grandfather, as he appeared when dressed in his Sunday clothes!”
“'Pon my word it's true, and what will you lay it's a lie?” sang Archer. “Oh! if you had but seen him, Fairlegh; he looked like—hang me if I know anything ugly enough to compare him to.”
“Was he at all like me, sir?—umph!” inquired Mr. Frampton in his gruffest tone, putting on the broad-brimmed hat, and rising slowly from his seat as he spoke.
“The very apparition itself, by Jingo!” exclaimed Archer, starting back in alarm, half real, half affected, thereby nearly overturning Lawless, who was just behind him.
"Hold hard there, young fellow; where are you jibbing to? You'll smash my panels in a minute, if you don't look out—eh?—why surely it's the old boy from Helmstone,” continued Lawless aside; “Mr. Frampton—sir, your most obedient.”
“Same to you, sir,” was the reply; “glad to see your spirits don't seem likely to fail you, Mr. Lawless—laughing at me, all of 'em, impudent young dogs—what's t'other one's name, Frank? the one that took me for a ghost—umph!”
“Allow me to introduce you—Mr. Frampton, Mr. Archer, Mr. Green, Mr. Lacy, Mr. Richards.”
The individuals named delivered themselves of a series of nods and jerks as I pronounced their various patronymics, and Mr. Frampton took off his hat, and made a polite bow to each man separately; then turning to Archer, he said:—
“Pray, sir, may I inquire when and how you became so intimate with Noah's great-grandfather as to mistake me for him?—umph!”
“Well, sir,” said Archer, who was evidently taken somewhat aback by this direct appeal, “it is an affair—that is, a circumstance—what I mean to say is—the thing, as you must see, was completely—in fact it was quite by accident, and promiscuously, so to speak, that I mistook you for the respectable antediluvian—I should say, for his ghost.”
“Umph! don't think I look much like a ghost, either. Not that there are such things in reality; all humbug, sir. A man goes and eats beef and pudding enough for two, has the night-mare, fancies next morning he has seen a ghost, and the first fool he tells it to believes him. Well, Mr. Lawless, not made a ghost of yourself by breaking your neck out of that Infernal Machine of yours yet. Get his ex-majesty Louis Philippe to go out for a ride with you in that, and his life would be in greater danger than all the Fieschis in France could ever put it in. Umph!”
“The horses are in first-rate condition,” returned Lawless, “enough to pull a fellow's arms off till they've done about ten miles; that takes the steel out of them a bit, and then a child may guide them. Happy to take you a drive, Mr. Frampton, any time that suits you—eh?”
“Thank ye, sir, when that time comes I'll let you know; but I hope to live a few years longer yet, and therefore you'll excuse my not accepting your kind offer. Besides, if Mr. Archer was to see the ghost of Noah's great-grand-father in a tandem, he'd never get over it.” Then came the aside: “Umph! had him there, the young jackanapes”.
“Well, Fairlegh, are you coming with us?” asked Lacy; “the list must be out by this time.”
“No; 'pon my word I can't,” replied I. “I'm good for nothing this morning.”
“Serve you right, too,” said Lawless, “for refusing the second bowl of punch last night. I told you no good would come of it, eh?”
“Positively we ought to be going,” interposed Richards; “we'll bring you some news presently, Fairlegh, that will set you all right again in no time.”
“I only wish you may prove a true prophet,” replied I. “Umph! if you'll allow me, I'll accompany you, gentlemen,” said Mr. Frampton; “make one of your party, umph!”
Several of those thus appealed to exchanged glances of horror, and at last Archer, who was rather an exclusive, and particularly sensitive to ridicule, began:—
“Why, really, sir, you must excuse—”
“Umph! excuse? no excuses are required, sir; when you've lived as long as I have, you'll learn not to care in what company you sail, so as it's honest company. Noah's great-grandfather found out the truth of that, sir, when he had to be hail-fellow-well-met with tiger-cats and hippopotamuses in the ark—hippopotami, I suppose you classical men call it—though, now I come to think of it, he never was there at all. But you will let an old man go with you, there's good boys,” continued Mr. Frampton in a tone of entreaty; “not one of you feels more interest in Frank Fairlegh's success than I do.”
“Come along, governor,” exclaimed Lawless, taking him by the arm, “you and I will go together, and if anybody gets in your way, down he goes if he were as big as Goliath of Gath. You shall see the list as soon as any one of them, for you're a trump—a regular brick!”
“With a very odd tile on the top of it,” whispered Archer, pointing to the broad brim.
“Now, then,” continued Lawless, “fall in there. Follow the governor. To the right about face! March!” So saying, he flung open the door, and arm-in-arm with Mr. Frampton hurried down the stairs, followed by the others in double-quick time. When they were all gone I made an effort to rouse myself from the state of lassitude and depression into which I had fallen, and succeeded so far as to recover sufficient energy to attempt the labour of dressing, though my hands trembled to such a degree that I could scarcely accomplish it, and was forced to postpone the operation of shaving to some more favourable opportunity.
Having made my outer-man respectable, I re-entered the sitting-room, and waited with impatience for the return of my friends. Oh! the horrors of suspense! that tooth-ache of the mind, in which each moment of anxiety r stretched on the rack of expectation, appears to the overwrought senses an eternity of gnawing anguish!—of all the mental tortures with which I am acquainted, defend me from suspense!
I had worked myself up into a thorough fever, and was becoming so excited that I was on the point of rushing out to learn the worst at once, when sundry shouts, mingled with peals of laughter, reached my ear—sounds which assured me that news was at hand. And now, with the inconsistency of human nature, I trembled at, and would willingly have delayed, my friends' arrival, lest it might bring me the certainty of failure, to which even the doubt and suspense I had been so lately chafing at appeared preferable. The sounds grew louder and louder—they were approaching. Oh! how my heart beat! in another moment they would be here. Sinking into a chair, for my knees trembled so that I could scarcely stand, I remained with my eyes fixed upon the door in a state of breathless anxiety. More shouting! surely that was a cheer—
“Hurrah! hurrah! out of the way there! room for the governor!”—a rush of many feet up the stairs—more, cheering—the door is thrown open, and a party of from fifteen to twenty undergraduates come pouring in, with Mr. Frampton in the midst of them, carried in triumph on the shoulders of Lawless and another man, and waving a list in one hand, and the broad-brimmed hat in the other.
“Bravo, Fairlegh! all right, old fellow! never say die! hurrah!” exclaimed half a score voices, all at once, while both my hands were seized and nearly shaken off, and I was almost annihilated by congratulatory slaps on the back from my zealous and excited friends.
“Well,” exclaimed I, as soon as I could make myself audible amidst the clamour, “I suppose by your congratulations I'm not plucked, but how high do I stand?” “Silence there!” shouted Lawless. “Order! order! hear the governor; he's got the list. Fire away, sir.”
Thus appealed to, Mr. Frampton, who was still mounted on the shoulders of his supporters, having cleared his throat and grunted proudly, with an air of majesty read as follows:—
“Kushbrooke, Senior Wrangler—Crosby, second—Barham, third—Fairlegh, fourth!”
“Nonsense,” exclaimed I, springing up, “the thing's impossible!”
“What an unbelieving Jew it is,” said Archer; “hand him the list, and let him read it himself. Seeing is believing, they say.”
Yes, there it was, beyond all possibility of doubt; with my own eyes did I behold it. “Fairlegh, fourth Wrangler!” Why, even in my wildest moments of hope my imagination had never taken so high a flight. Fourth Wrangler! oh! it was too delightful to be real. So overcome was I by this unexpected stroke of good fortune, that for a minute or two I was scarcely conscious of what was going on around me, and returned rambling and incoherent answers to the congratulations which were showered upon me. The first thing that roused my attention was a shout from Lawless, demanding a hearing, for that “the governor,” as he persisted in calling Mr. Frampton, was going to make a speech. The cry was immediately taken up by the others, who for some moments defeated their own purpose by calling vociferously for “silence for the governor's speech!” Having at length, from sheer want of breath, obtained the required boon, Mr. Frampton, waving his hand with a dignified gesture, began as follows:—
“Umph! on this happy occasion, gentlemen—set of noisy young scamps!—on this happy occasion, I say”—(shouts of encore! bravo! etc.)—“what I was going to say was—umph!” (a cry of “You have said it,” from a man near the door, who thought he could not be seen, but was). “Much obliged to you, sir, for your observation,” continued Mr. Frampton, fixing his glance unmistakably on the Detected One, “but I have not said it, nor does it seem very likely I ever shall say it, if you continue to interrupt me with your wretched attempts at wit.” (Cries of “Hear! hear! don't interrupt the governor! Shame! shame!” and an aside from Mr. Frampton, “Had him there, umph!” during all of which the detected individual was striving to open the door, which several men, who had perceived his design, held firmly against him.) “What I was going to say,” resumed the speaker, “when that gentleman who is trying to leave the room interrupted me” (more cries of “Shame!”), “was, that I beg, in the name of my friend, Frank Fairlegh, to invite you all to a champagne breakfast in his rooms to-morrow,” (tremendous cheering, and a cry of “Bravo, governor! you are a brick!” from Lawless), “and in my own name to thank you all, except the gentleman near the door, who has not yet, I see, had the grace to leave the room, for the patience with which you've listened to me,” (laughter, and cries of “It was a shame to interrupt him,” at which the Detected One, with a frantic gesture, gives up the door, and, turning very pale, glances insanely towards the window), “and for the very flattering attentions which you have all of you generally, and Mr. Archer in particular, done me the honour of paying me.”
A perfect tornado of cheers and laughter followed Mr. Frampton's speech, after which I thanked them all for the kind interest they had expressed in my success, and begged to second Mr. Frampton's invitation for the following day. This matter being satisfactorily arranged, certain of the party laid violent hands on the Detected One, who was a very shy freshman of the name of Pilkington, and, despite his struggles, made him go down on his knees and apologise in set phrase to Mr. Frampton for his late unjustifiable conduct; whereupon that gentleman, who enjoyed the joke, and entered into it with as much zest as the veriest pickle among them, sternly, and with many grunts, rebuked and then pardoned him.
The champagne breakfast on the following morning who shall describe! What pen, albeit accustomed to the highest nights imaginable, may venture to depict the humours of that memorable entertainment! How, when the company were assembled, it was discovered Mr. Pilkington was missing, and a party, headed by Lawless, proceeded to his rooms, which were on the same staircase, and brought him down, vi et armis, in a state of mind bordering on distraction, picturesquely attired in a dressing-gown, slippers, and smoking-cap, of a decidedly oriental character; and how, when they had forced him into a seat of honour at Mr. Frampton's right hand, that gentleman discovered in him a striking likeness to his particular friend the Rajah of Bundleoragbag, which name, being instantly adopted by the company, he was invariably addressed by ever after. How, as the champagne circulated, the various members of the party began to come out strong, according to their several idiosyncrasies, every man who had a peculiarity exhibiting it for the benefit of the others; while those who had not were even more amusing, either from their aping the manners of somebody else, or from the sheer absurdity of uttering insipid commonplaces in such an atmosphere of fun and frolic. How, later in the day, after healths had been drunk, and thanks returned, till every one, save Pilkington, was hoarse with shouting, that individual was partly coaxed, partly coerced into attempting to sing the only song he knew, which proved to be, “We met”; in which performance, after making four false starts, and causing a great many more meetings to take place than the author of the song ever contemplated, he contrived, in a voice suggestive of a sudden attack of cholera, to get as far as the words, “For thou art the cause of this anguish, my mother,” when he was interrupted by such a chorus of laughter as completely annihilated him for the rest of the day.