After 1844 it was my habit to keep a journal, in which I wrote at length all that I considered worthy of remembering. Most of my journals, written up to 1860, were called for by Brigham, under the plea that he wished the Church historian to write up the Mormon history, and wanted my journals to aid him in making the history perfect. As these journals contained many things not intended for the public eye concerning the Mormon leaders and all I knew of the Mountain Meadows Massacre, and what led to it, they were never returned to me.
To proceed: I was at Far West when the Danites returned. They brought Capt. Patton with them. He died that night, and his death spread a mantle of gloom over the entire community. It robbed many of their fond hope that they were invincible. If Fear Not could be killed, who then might claim immunity from the missiles of death hurled by Gentile weapons?
Up to this time I firmly believed what the Prophet and his apostles had said on that subject. I had considered that I was bullet-proof, that no Gentile ball could ever harm me or any Saint, and I believed that a Danite could not be killed by Gentile hands. I thought that one Danite would chase a thousand Gentiles, and two could put ten thousand to flight.
Alas! my dream of security was over. One of our mighty men had fallen, and by Gentile hands. My amazement at the fact was equal to my sorrow for the death of the great warrior apostle. I had considered that all the battles between Danites and Gentiles would end like the election fight at Gallatin, and the only ones to be injured would be the Gentiles.
We had been promised and taught by the Prophet and his Priesthood that henceforth God would fight our battles, and I looked as a consequence for a bloodless victory on the side of the Lord, and that nothing but disobedience to the teachings of the Priesthood could render a Mormon subject to injury from Gentile forces. I believed as our leaders taught us, that all our sufferings and persecutions were brought upon us by the all-wise God of Heaven as chastisement to bring us together in unity of faith and strict obedience to the requirements of the Gospel; and the feeling was general that all our sufferings were the result of individual sin, and not the fault of our leaders and spiritual guides.
We, as members of the Church, had no right to question any act of our superiors; to do so wounded the Spirit of God, and would lead to our own loss and confusion. Still, I was thunderstruck to hear Joseph the Apostle say at the funeral of Capt. Patton that the Mormons fell by the missiles of death the same as other men. He also said that the Lord was angry with the people, for they had been unbelieving and faithless; they had denied the Lord the use of their earthly treasures, and placed their affections upon worldly things more than upon heavenly things; that to expect God's favor we must blindly trust him; that if the Mormons would wholly trust in God the windows of heaven would be opened and a shower of blessings sent upon the people; that all the people could contain of blessings would be given as a reward for obedience to the will of God as made known to mankind through the Prophet of the ever-living God; that the Mormons, if faithful, obedient, and true followers of the advice of their leaders, would soon enjoy all the wealth of the earth; that God would consecrate the riches of the Gentiles to the Saints.
This and much more he said to induce the people to obey the will of the Priesthood. I believed all he said, for he supported it by quotations from Scripture, and if I believed the Bible, as I did most implicitly, I could not help believing in Joseph, the prophet of God in these last days, Joseph declared that he was called of God and given power and authority from heaven to do God's will; that he had received the keys of the holy Priesthood from the apostles Peter, James, and John, and had been dedicated, set apart, and anointed as the prophet, seer, and revelator, and sent to open the dispensation of the fullness of time, according to the words of the apostles; that he was charged with the restoration of the House of Israel, and to gather the Saints from the four corners of the earth to the land of promise, Zion, the Holy Land (Jackson County), and to the setting up of the Kingdom of God preparatory to the second coming of Christ in the last days. Every Mormon, true to his faith, believed as fully in Joseph and his holy character as he did that God existed.
The Prophet Joseph was a most extraordinary man; he was rather large in stature, some six feet two inches in height, well built, though a little stoop-shouldered, with prominent and well- developed features, a Roman nose, light chestnut hair, upper lip full and rather protruding, chin broad and square, and an eagle eye, and on the whole had something in his manner and appearance that was bewitching and winning; his countenance was that of a plain, honest man, full of benevolence and philanthropy and void of deceit or hypocrisy. He was resolute and firm of purpose, strong as most men in physical power, and all who saw were forced to admire him, as he then looked and existed. In the sports of the day, such as wrestling, he was over the average. Very few of the Saints had the strength needed to throw the Prophet in a fair tussle. In every gathering he was a welcome guest, and always added to the amusement of the people, instead of dampening their ardor.
During the time that we were camping at Adam-on-Diamond, waiting to see what would be the result of the quarrel between our Church and the Gentiles, one Sunday morning (it had rained heavily the night before and the air was cold) the men were shivering over a few firebrands, feeling out of sorts and quite cast down. The Prophet came up while the brethren were moping around and caught first one and then another and shook them up, and said:
"Get out of here, and wrestle; jump, run, do anything but mope around; warm yourselves up; this inactivity will not do for soldiers."
The words of the Prophet put life and energy into the men. A ring was soon formed, according to the custom of the people. The Prophet stepped into the ring, ready for a tussle with any comer. Several went into the ring to try their strength, but each one was thrown by the Prophet, until he had thrown several of the stoutest of the men present. Then he stepped out of the ring and took a man by the arm and led him in to take his place, and so it continued - the men who were thrown retiring in favor of the successful one. A man would keep the ring so long as he threw his adversary.
The style of wrestling varied with the desires of the parties. The Eastern men, or Yankees, used square hold, or collar and elbow; those from the Middle States side hold, and the Southern and Western men used breeches hold and old Indian hug or back hold. If a man was hurt he stood it without a murmur; it was considered cowardly and childish to whine when thrown or hurt in the fall.
While the sport was at its height Sidney Rigdon, the mouthpiece of the Prophet, rushed into the ring, sword in hand, and said that he would not suffer a lot of men to break the Sabbath day in that manner. For a moment all were silent. Then one of the brethren, with more presence of mind than the others, said to the Prophet:
"Brother Joseph, we want you to clear us from blame, for we formed the ring by your request. You told us to wrestle, and now Brother Rigdon is bringing us to account for it."
The Prophet walked into the ring and said, as he made a motion with his hand:
"Brother Sidney, you had better get out of here and let the boys alone; they are amusing themselves according to my orders. You are an old man. You go and get ready for meeting and let the boys alone." Just then catching Rigdon off his guard, as quick as a flash he knocked the sword from Rigdon's hand, then caught him by the shoulder, and said: "Now, old man, you must go out, or I will throw you down."
Rigdon was as large a man as the Prophet, but not so tall. The prospect of a tussle between the Prophet and the mouthpiece of the Prophet was fun for all but Rigdon, who pulled back like a crawfish; but the resistance was useless, the Prophet dragged him from the ring, bareheaded, and tore Rigdon's fine pulpit coat from the collar to the waist; then he turned to the men and said:
"Go in, boys, and have your fun. You shall never have it to say that I got you into any trouble that I did not get you out of."
Rigdon complained about the loss of his hat and the tearing of his coat. The Prophet said to him:
"You were out of your place. Always keep your place and you will not suffer: but you got a little out of your place and you have suffered for it. You have no one to blame but yourself."
After that Rigdon never countermanded the orders of the Prophet, to my knowledge; he knew who was boss.
An order had been issued by the Church authorities commanding all the members of the Mormon Church to leave their farms and take such property as they could remove and go to one of the two fortified camps - that is Far West or Adam-on-Diamond. A large majority of the settlers obeyed, and the two camps were soon full of people who had deserted home again for the sake of the gospel.
There was a settlement on Log Creek, between three and five miles east from Far West. It was quite a rich settlement. A man named Haughn had just completed a good flouring mill on the creek. The morning after the battle of Crooked River Haughn came to Far West to consult with the Prophet concerning the policy of the removal of the settlers on Log Creek to the fortified camps.
Col. White and myself were standing by when the Prophet said to him:
"Move in, by all means, if you wish to save your lives."
Haughn replied that if the settlers left their homes all of their property would be lost, and the Gentiles would burn their houses and other buildings. The Prophet said:
"You had much better lose your property than your lives; one can be replaced, the other cannot be restored; but there is no need of your losing either if you will only do as you are commanded."
Haughn said that he considered the best plan was for all of the settlers to move into and around the mill, and use the blacksmith's shop and other buildings as a fort in case of attack; in this way he thought they would be perfectly safe.
"You are at liberty to do so if you think best," said the Prophet.
Haughn then departed, well satisfied that he had carried his point. The Prophet turned to Col. White and said:
"That man did not come for counsel, but to induce me to tell him to do as he pleased; which I did. Had I commanded them to move in and leave their property they would have called me a tyrant. I wish they were here for their own safety. I am confident that we will soon learn that they have been butchered in a fearful manner."
At this time the Missourians had determined to exterminate the whole of the Mormon people. Governor Lilburn W. Boggs issued orders to that effect. I think Gen. Clark was the officer in command of all the Gentile forces. Gen. Atchison and Col. Doniphan each commanded a division of from three to four thousand men, and they soon besieged Far West. The Mormons fortified the town as well as they could, and took special care to fortify and build shields and breastworks, to prevent the cavalry from charging into the town. The Gentile forces were mostly camped on Log Creek, between Far West and Haughn's Mill, about a mile from Far West, and about half a mile south of our outer breastworks.
Our scouts and pickets guards were driven in and forced to join the main ranks for safety. The Mormon troops were placed in position by the officers, so as to guard every point. We all had a large supply of bullets, with the patching sewed on the balls to facilitate the loading of our guns, which were muzzle loaders. The Mormon force was about eight hundred strong, poorly armed; many of the men had no guns; some had single-barrel pistols and a few homemade swords. These were our implements of war.
So situated, we were still anxious to meet the enemy, and demanded to be led out against our foes. Our men were confident that God was going to deliver the enemy into our hands, and so we had no fears. I was one of the advance force, and as I lay behind some timber, with my cap-box open, and bullets lying on the ground by my side, I never had a doubt of being able to defeat the Gentile army.
The troops lay and watched each other several days, then the Gentiles made two efforts to force their way into the town by stratagem; but seeing our forces in order they did not come within range of our guns. The Mormons stood in the ranks, and prayed for the chance of getting a shot; but all to no effect. The same evening we learned of the massacre at Haughn's Mill. The description of this massacre was such as to freeze the blood of each Saint, and force us to swear that revenge should come some day.
The massacre was reported about as follows to us at Far West. When the Gentile mob attacked the Mormons at the mill the Mormons took shelter in the blacksmith shop and other buildings. The mob took advantage of the banks of the creek and the timber, and very nearly surrounded the shop, which was built of logs, and served as a slaughterhouse instead of a shelter or protection.
The mob, while protected as they were, shot down the Mormons at their leisure. They killed eighteen and wounded as many more; in fact, they killed and wounded everyone who did not run away during the fight and take refuge in the woods. After shooting down all that could be seen, the mob entered the blacksmith shop and there found a young lad who had secreted himself under the bellows. One of the men said:
"Don't shoot; it is but a small boy."
"It is best to hive them when we can," was the reply.
Thus saying, they shot the little fellow.
There was an old man in the settlement by the name of McBride, who had been a soldier in the Revolutionary War; he was killed by being hacked to pieces with a corncutter while begging for his life. The dead and wounded were thrown into a well together. Several of the wounded were afterwards taken out of the well by the force that went from Far West, and recovered from their wounds. So great was the hatred of the mob that they saved none, but killed all who fell into their hands at that time. I received my information of the massacre from David Lewis, Tarleton Lewis, William Laney, and Isaac Laney; they were Kentuckians, and were also in the fight, but escaped death.
Isaac Laney was shot seven times, the seven shots leaving thirteen ball holes in his person; five of the shots were nearly in the center of the chest; one entered under the right arm, passed through the body and came out under the left arm; yet, strange as it appears, he kept his feet, and ran some three hundred yards to a cabin, where a woman raised a loose plank of the cabin floor and he lay down while she replaced the boards.
The mob left, and in about two hours Laney was taken from under the cabin floor nearly lifeless. He was then washed, anointed with oil, the elders praying for his recovery, according to the order of the Holy Priesthood, and he was promised, through prayer and faith in God, speedy restoration. The pain at once left him, and for two weeks he felt no pain at all. He then took cold, and the wound in his hips pained him for some two hours, when the elders repeated their prayers and again anointed him, which had the effect desired. The pain left him, and never returned. I heard Laney declare this to be a fact, and he bore his testimony in the presence of many of the Saints. I saw him four weeks after the massacre and examined his person. I saw the wounds, then healed. I felt of them with my own hands, and I saw the shirt and examined it, that he had on when he was shot, and it was cut in shreds. Many balls had cut his clothing that had not touched his person.
The massacre at Haughn's Mill was the result of the brethren's refusal to obey the wishes of the Prophet. All the brethren so considered it. It made a deep and lasting impression on my mind, for I had heard the Prophet give the counsel to the brethren to come into the town. They had refused, and the result was a lesson to all that there was no safety except in obeying the Prophet.
Col. George M. Hinkle had command of the troops at Far West, under the Prophet Joseph. He was from Kentucky, and considered a fair-weather Saint. When danger came he was certain to be on the strong side. He was a fine speaker, and had great influence with the Saints. Previous to the attack on Far West Col. Hinkle had come to an understanding with the Gentile commanders that in case the danger grew great they could depend on him as a friend and one through whom they could negotiate and learn the situation of affairs in the camp of the Saints. When our scouts were first driven in Col. Hinkle was out with them, and when they were closely pursued he turned his coat wrong side out and wore it so.
This was a peculiar move, but at the time it did not cause much comment among his men; but they reported it to the Prophet, and he at once became suspicious of the Colonel. The Prophet, being a man of thought and cool reflection, kept this information within a small circle, as it was a bad time to ventilate an act of that kind.
The Prophet concluded to make use of the knowledge he had gained of Hinkle's character, and employ him to negotiate between the two parties. I do not believe that Joseph had the least idea that he, with his little handful of men, could stand off the army that had come up against him. I know that now, but at the time I was full of religious zeal and felt that the Mormon Hosts of Israel were invincible. Joseph wished to use Hinkle to learn the designs of the Gentiles, so that he could prepare for the worst. Col. Hinkle was therefore sent by Joseph to have an interview with the Gentiles.
The Colonel returned and reported to Joseph the terms proposed by the Gentile officers. The terms offered were as follows: Joseph and the leading men of the Church, Rigdon, Lyman White, P. P. Pratt, Phelps, and others, were to give themselves up without delay; the remainder of the men were to surrender themselves and their arms by ten o'clock the following day, the understanding being that all would be tried for treason against the Government, and for other offenses.
The Prophet took advantage of this information, and had every man that was in imminent danger leave the camp for a place of safety. The most of those in peril went to Illinois. They left at once, and were safe from all pursuit before the surrender took place, as they traveled north and avoided the settlements.
When the brethren had left for Illinois, as just stated, Joseph called his remaining troops together and told them they were a good lot of fellows, but they were not perfect enough to withstand so large an army as the one now before them; that they had stood by him, and were willing to die for and with him, for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven; that he wished them to be comforted, for God had accepted their offering; that he intended to, and was going to offer himself up as a sacrifice, to save their lives and to save the Church. He wished them to be of good cheer, and pray for him, and to pray that he and the brethren that went with him might be delivered from their enemies. He then blessed his people in the name of the Lord. After that he and the leading men, six in number, went direct to the camp of the enemy.
They were led by a Judas, Col. G. M. Hinkle. I stood upon the breastworks and watched them go into the camp of the enemy. I heard the yells of triumph of the troops as Joseph and his companions approached. It was with great difficulty that the officers could restrain the mob from shooting them down as they entered. A strong guard was then placed over them to protect them from mob violence.
The next morning a court-martial was held, at which Joseph and his six companions who had surrendered with him were sentenced to be shot. The execution was to take place at eight o'clock the next morning. When the sentence of the court-martial was announced to them, Col. Lyman White said:
"Shoot and be damned!"
Gen. Atchison and Col. Doniphan arrived with their divisions the same day, soon after the court-martial had been held. Col. Doniphan, in particular, remonstrated against the decision. He said it was nothing more nor less than cold-blooded murder, and that every name signed to the decision was signed in blood, and he would withdraw his troops and have nothing to do in the matter if the men were to be shot. Gen. Atchison sustained Col. Doniphan, and said the wiser policy would be, inasmuch as they had surrendered themselves as prisoners, to place them in the Richmond jail and let them take the due course of the law; let them be tried by the civil authorities of the land. In this way justice could be reached and parties punished according to law, and thus save the honor of the troops and the nation. This timely interposition on the part of Col. Doniphan and Gen. Atchison changed the course and prevented the hasty action of an infuriated mob calling itself a court, and composed of men who were the bitter enemies of Joseph and his followers.
The next day a writing desk was prepared, with two secretaries or clerks; it was placed in the middle of the hollow square formed by the troops. The Mormons were marched in double file across the center of the square, where the officers and men who had remained in Far West surrendered themselves and their arms to Gen. Clark, Commander-in-Chief of the Missouri militia, then in arms against the Saints at Far West. I was among the number that then surrendered. I laid down a good Kentucky rifle, two good horse pistols, and a sword.
After stacking our arms we were marched in single file between a double file of the militia, who stood in a line from the secretary's desk extending nearly across the square, ready to receive us, with fixed bayonets. As each man came up he stepped to the desk and signed his name to an instrument recapitulating the conditions of the treaty, which were substantially as follows: We were to give a deed to all our real estate, and to give a bill of sale of our personal property, to pay the expenses of the war that had been inaugurated against us; also a committee of twelve should be appointed, one for Far West and one for Adam- on-Diamond, who were to be the sole judges of what would be necessary to remove each family out of the State. All of the Mormons were to leave Missouri by the 1st of April, A. D. 1839. The rest of the property of the Mormons was to be taken by the Missouri troops to pay the expenses of the war. When the committee had examined into affairs and made the assignment of property that the Mormons were to retain, a pass would be given by the committee to each person as an evidence that he had gone through an investigation both as to his conduct and property. The prisoners at Far West were to be retained and not allowed to return home until the committee had reported and given the certificate that all charges had been met and satisfied. I remained a prisoner for nine days, awaiting the action of the committee.
While such prisoner I witnessed many scenes of inhumanity even more degrading than mere brutality itself. The mob of the militia was mostly composed of men who had been neighbors of the Mormons. This mob rifled the city, took what they wished, and committed many cruel and shameful deeds. These barbarous acts were done because they said the Mormons had stolen their goods and chattels, and while they pretended to search for stolen property they ravished women and committed other crimes at will.
One day, while we were standing by a log fire trying to keep warm, a man came up and, recognizing Brother Riley Stewart, said:
"I saw you knock Dick Weldon down at Gallatin."
With this he sprang and caught at an ax that had been stuck in a log. While trying to get the ax out, as it stuck fast in the log, Stewart ran. The man succeeded in getting the ax loose; he then threw it with all his force at Stewart. Fortunately the ax struck him only a glancing blow on the head, not killing him, but giving him a severe wound.
The night after he was wounded Stewart broke through the guard and escaped to his wife's people in Carroll County, fifty miles south of Far West. As soon as the citizens heard that Stewart had arrived they notified his wife's brothers and father that an armed mob intended to take him out and whip him severely, and then tar and feather him. His friends warned him of the fact, and he attempted to make his escape, but the mob was on the watch. They caught him, and, holding two pistols at his head, forced him to take off his coat, kneel down, and receive fifty lashes. These were given him with such force that they cut through his linen shirt. After this whipping he returned to Far West and took his chances with the rest of us.
One day a soldier of the mob walked up to a house near where I was standing. The house was occupied by an old widow woman. The soldier noticed a cow in the little shed near the house. He said that he thought it was a Danite cow; that he wanted to have the honor of killing a Danite, or something that belonged to a Danite. The old widow came to the door of her cabin and begged him to spare her cow, saying it was her only dependence for milk, that she had no meat, and if her cow was killed she must suffer.
"Well, then," said he, "you can eat the cow for a change."
He then shot the cow dead, and stood there and tantalized the old woman while she cried over her loss.
While we were standing in line, waiting our turn to sign the treaty, a large company of men, painted like Indians, rode up and surrounded us. They were a part of the men who were in the fight at the town of Gallatin on the day of election. They abused us in every way they could with words. This treatment was hard to bear, but we were powerless to protect ourselves in any way.
Among other matters I had a fine gray mare that attracted the attention of many of the mob. I was allowed to take her to water while closely guarded by armed men. One day as I took her to water I was spoken to by several, who said they were sorry for a man like me, who appeared to be honest and peaceably disposed; that they knew that I and many honest men were deluded by Joseph Smith, the impostor. But they thanked God he would delude no more people; that he would certainly be shot; that I had better quit my delusion and settle down by the officer in command, who was then talking to me, in Carroll County, and make a home for my family; that I would never have peace or quiet while I remained with the Mormons. I heard him through. Then I said:
"No man has deceived me. I am not deceived by Joseph Smith, or any other man. If I am deceived it is the Bible that has deceived me. I believe that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God, and I have the Bible as my authority in part for this belief. And I do not believe that Joseph Smith will be shot, as you seem to think. He has not finished his work yet."
As I finished my remarks the officer became enraged, and said:
"That is the way with all you Mormons. You might as well try to move a mountain as to turn a Mormon from his delusion. Blow the brains out of this fool!"
In an instant several guns were leveled on me. I imagined I felt the bullets piercing my body.
The soldiers would certainly have shot me down if the officer had not immediately countermanded his order, by saying:
"Hold on, boys, he is not worth five charges of ammunition."
"Gentlemen," I said, "I am your prisoner, unarmed and helpless, and I demand your protection. But if you consider there is any honor in treating a man and an American prisoner in this way, you may do it."
As we returned to camp the man said:
"We will make it hot for the Mormons yet before we are done with them, and if you have not got enough of them now, you will have, and you will remember my words when it is too late to serve you."
"I may," said I; "when I do I will own up like a little man. But until I am so convinced I will never turn my coat."
"Well," said he, "you are not so bad, after all. I like a firm man."
The Mormons were locked in the public schoolhouses and kept without rations being issued to them. The grain fields and gardens that belonged to the Mormons were thrown open to the stock and wasted. Our cattle and other stock were shot down for sport and left for the wolves and birds of prey to devour. We were closely guarded, and not allowed to go from our quarters without an escort. We were nearly starved for several days, until I obtained permission to go out and bring in some of the cattle that the soldiers had killed for sport. The weather was cold and the snow deep, so the meat was good. I also got permission to gather in some vegetables, and from that time, while we remained prisoners, the men had plenty to eat, yet often it was of a poor quality. While a prisoner I learned that the loud and self- conceited men were of little account when danger stared them in the face.
Arrangements had been made to carry the treaty into effect. It was found necessary to send Gen. Wilson with five hundred men to Adam-on-Diamond to compel the surrender and the signing of the treaty, as had been done at Far West, and the people of that place were to be treated just as we had been. I was recommended to Gen. Wilson by the officer who had ordered his men to blow my brains out, as a suitable man for a guide to Adam-on-Diamond. He said that I was as stubborn as a mule, but still there was something about me he respected; that he believed I was honest, and certainly no coward. Gen. Wilson said:
"Young man, do you live at Adam-on-Diamond?"
"I cannot say that I do; but I did once, and I have a wife and child there that I would like to see; but as to a home, I have none left."
"Where did you live before you came here?"
"In Illinois," I answered.
"You will soon see your wife and child. I shall start in the morning with my division for Adam-on-Diamond. You are at liberty to select two of your comrades and go with me as guide to pilot us there. Be ready for an early start and report to my adjutant."
"Thank you, sir, I will do as you request," said I.
The next morning I selected two good men. Brother Levi Stewart was one, but I have forgotten who the other man was. The day was cold and stormy, a hard north wind blowing, and the snow falling rapidly. It was an open country for thirteen miles, with eighteen inches of snow on the ground. We kept our horses to the lope until we reached Shady Grove timber, thirteen miles from Far West. There we camped for the night by the side of Brother Waldo Littlefield's farm. The fence was burned for camp-fires, and his fields of grain were fed to the horses, or rather the animals were turned loose in the fields. After camp was struck I went to Gen. Wilson and said:
"General, I have come to beg a favor of you. I ask you in the name of humanity to let me go on to Adam-on-Diamond to-day. I have a wife and helpless babe there. I am informed that our house was burned, and she is out in this storm without shelter. You are halfway there; the snow is deep, and you can follow our trail" - it had then slackened up, or was snowing but little - "in the morning; there is but one road to the settlement."
He looked at me for a moment, and then said:
"Young man, your request shall be granted; I admire your resolution." He then turned to his aid, who stood trembling in the snow, and said, "Write Mr. Lee and his two comrades a pass, saying that they have gone through an examination at Far West, and were found innocent."
After receiving my pass I thanked the General for his humane act, and with my friends made the journey, through the snow, to Adam- on-Diamond. As we neared home the sun shone out brightly. When I got in sight of where my house had been I saw my wife sitting by a log fire in the open air, with her babe in her arms. Some soldiers had cut a large hickory tree for firewood for her, and built her a shelter with some boards I had had dressed to weather-board a house, so she was in a measure comfortable. She had been weeping, as she had been informed that I was a prisoner at Far West, and would be shot, and that she need not look for me, for she would never see me again.
When I rode up she was nearly frantic with delight, and as soon as I reached her side she threw herself into my arms and then her self-possession gave way and she wept bitterly; but she soon recovered herself and gave me an account of her troubles during my absence.
The next evening Gen. Wilson and his command arrived and camped near my little shanty. I started at once to report to Gen. Wilson. On my way to him I passed my friend McBrier, who had trusted me for some cattle. I still owed him for them. I told him why I had been unable to pay him, and wished him to take the cattle back, as I still had all of them except one cow that had died of the murrain; that it was an honest debt, and I wished to pay it. I asked him to go to my shanty with me, and said he could take what cattle were left and a black mare that was worth seventy-five dollars, and an eight-day clock that was worth twenty-five dollars, for my note.
"I have not got your note," said he.
"Who has it?" I asked.
"I do not know; I supposed you had it."
"I never saw it since I gave it to you."
"Well," said he, "my house was burned, and all my property either burned or taken from me, and your note was in the house when it was burned."
"Well," said I, "it matters not with me. If you will take the property and give me a' receipt against the note, so that it cannot be collected the second time, I will settle the debt." He then said:
"I thought you were in the party that burned the house, and had taken your note, but I am now satisfied to the contrary, and that you are an innocent man. All I ask is for you to renew the note. The property of the Mormons will be held to pay their debts and the expenses of the war, and I will get my pay in that way. You just renew the note, and that will settle all between us."
McBrier introduced me to a number of the soldiers as an honest Mormon. This worked well in my favor, and pleased me much, for it satisfied me more than ever that honesty was the best policy. I had done nothing that I considered wrong. I did not have to run and hide, or screen any act of mine from the public gaze.
My wife had been treated well personally during my absence; no insults had been offered to her, and I was well pleased with that. I was treated with respect by Gen. Wilson and his men. True, I was associated with the people that had incurred the displeasure of the authorities, and my neighbors were then receiving fearful punishment for all they had done. The punishment, however, was in a great part owing to the fault of the people. When the Gentiles found any of their property they became very abusive.
Every house in Adam-on-Diamond was searched by the troops for Gentile property. They succeeded in finding very much of the Gentile property that had been captured by the Saints in the various raids they made through the country. Bedding of every kind and in large quantities was found and reclaimed by the owners. Even spinning wheels, soap barrels and other articles were recovered. Each house where property was found was certain to receive a Missouri blessing, that is to say, the torch, from the troops.
The men who had been most active in gathering plunder had fled to Illinois, to escape the vengeance of the mob, leaving their families to suffer for their deeds. By the terms of the treaty all the Mormons were to leave Daviess County within fifteen days, but they were allowed to stay through the winter in Caldwell County; but all had to depart from Missouri before the first day of the next April. There were but a few families that met with the kind treatment that mine did. The majority of the people were censured and persecuted as much as they were able to stand and live.
In justice to the Prophet Joseph I cannot say that I ever heard him teach or even encourage men to steal little things. He told the people to wait until the proper time came to take their rights.
"Then," said he, "take the whole State of Missouri like men."
When the people at Adam-on-Diamond had signed the treaty and complied with the stipulations, the committee of twelve commenced their duties. When it came my turn to receive the property necessary to take me out of the State I was told to fit myself out comfortably. I told them that I had a wife and one child; that I had two good wagons, one a heavy one-horse wagon, with thills, and that I had a large mare which was equal to a common span; that the mare and wagon would do me. I wanted some bedding and our clothing, and some other traps of little value. I had a good milk cow that I wished to give to a friend who had lost all his cattle. His wife had died a short time before, leaving a little babe that must have milk. I told them they could take the rest of my property and do with it as they did with that of the brethren. I was worth then in property, at a fair valuation, four thousand dollars.
The officers were astonished at me, and said they did not, wish to oppress a man who acted fairly. They told me to take my large wagon and two of my best horses, and all the outfit that I wanted. I thanked them for their kindness. I was permitted to give the cow to my friend, and I had the privilege of taking such articles as I wished. I fitted up with just what would take me to Illinois, and left the remainder as a spoil for the enemies of the Church. I did not regret the loss of my property; I gave it up as the price of my religious freedom.
Before I speak of other things I will say a few words of the country we were then in. Adam-on-Diamond was at the point where Adam came and settled and blest his posterity after being driven from the Garden of Eden. This was revealed to the people through Joseph the Prophet. The Temple Block in Jackson County, Missouri, stands on the identical spot where once stood the Garden of Eden. When Adam and Eve were driven from the Garden they traveled in a northwesterly course until they came to a valley on the east side of Grand River. There they tarried for several years, and engaged in tilling the soil. On the east of the valley there is a low range of hills. Standing on the summit of the bluffs a person has a full view of the beautiful valley that lies below, dotted here and there with groves of timber. On the top of this range of hills Adam erected an altar of stone, on which he offered sacrifice unto the Lord. There was in our time (1838) a pile of stone there, which the Prophet said was a portion of the altar on which Adam offered sacrifice. Although these stones had been exposed to the elements for many generations, still the traces remained to show the dimensions and design of the altar. After Adam had offered his sacrifice he went up the valley some two miles, where he blessed his posterity and called the place the Valley of Adam-on-Diamond, which, in the reformed Egyptian language, signifies Adam's Consecrated Land. It is said to be seventy-five miles, in a direct course, from the Garden of Eden to Adam-on-Diamond. Those ancient relics and sacred spots of earth are held holy by the greater portion of the Latter-day Saints. These things, and much more concerning the early days, were revealed to the Prophet Joseph.
On the 20th day of November, 1838, I took leave of my home and the sacred ground of Adam-on-Diamond and started as a banished man to seek a home in Illinois. We went to my farm on Shady Grove Creek, and stayed over night. We found everything as we had left it, nothing having been interfered with. I killed a large hog and dressed it to carry with us to cat on the journey. The snow was fully twenty inches deep, weather very cold, and, taken all in all, it was a disagreeable and unpleasant trip.
We went to the settlement on Log Creek and stopped with the family of Robert Bidwell. He had plenty of property. This man had good teams, and had reaped where he had not sown, gathered where he had not strewn. He was engaged in removing families of his helpless brethren to Quincy, Illinois, who had not teams to move themselves, but who had a little money that he was after, and he got all they had. For some reason unexplained to me he had been permitted to keep all of his property; none of it was taken by the troops.
While at Bidwell's I bought a crib of corn, about two hundred bushels, for a pocketknife. I built a stable for my mare, a crib for the com, and hauled wood enough to do the family the rest of the winter. I also attended to Bidwell's stock and worked all the time for him. They had five children, which made considerable work for the women folks; my wife worked for them all the time.
During this time we had nothing but corn to eat. The hog I killed at my farm was diseased, and I had to throw the meat away. Notwithstanding our constant work for Bidwell's family, they never gave us a drop of milk or a meal of victuals while we remained there. Mrs. Bidwell fed six gallons of milk to their hogs each day. I offered to feed the hogs corn for milk, so we could have milk to eat with our boiled corn, but she refused the offer, saying they had all the corn they needed. They did have provisions of every kind in abundance, but not a particle of food could we obtain from them.
Prayer meetings were frequently held at their house. They had plenty of tallow, but Mrs. Bidwell would not allow a candle to be burned in the house unless some other person furnished it. One night at prayer meeting I chanced to speak upon the subject of covetousness, and quoted the twelfth chapter of Paul to the Corinthians, where he speaks of members of the Church of Christ being united. I was feeling bad to see so much of the covetousness of the world in some of the members of the Church, and I talked plainly upon the subject.
The next morning Mrs. Bidwell came into our room and said that my remarks at the meeting the evening before were directed at her, and she wanted me to understand that if I did not like my treatment there she desired us to go where we would fare better. This inhuman and unwelcome language did not sit well on an empty stomach, and was more than I could bear. I burst into tears. Yet I pitied the ungrateful woman. As soon as I could control my feelings I said:
"Sister Bidwell, I will take you at your word. I will leave your house as soon as I can get my things into my wagon, but before I leave you I wish to say a few words for you to ponder on when we are gone. In the first place, you and I profess to be members of the same Church; for the sake of our faith my family has been broken up and driven from a comfortable home in this inclement season of the year. We came here seeking shelter from the stormy blasts of winter, until the severity of the weather was past, when we intended to leave this State. You have been more fortunate than your brethren and sisters who lived in Daviess County. You are allowed to live in your own house, but we are homeless wanderers. Now you drive us from the shelter of your roof for a trivial offense, if offense it was. But I assure you that you are only angry because my words were the truth. Woe unto you who are angry and offended at the truth. As you do unto others, so will your Heavenly Father do unto you. Inasmuch as you have done this unchristian act, you will yet be houseless and homeless - you will be one day dependent upon those that you now drive from your door."
At first she mocked me, but soon her tune changed and she commenced to cry. She then begged me not to get angry with what a woman said. I told her I could not undo what I had said - that I should start at once for Quincy, Illinois.
We left the house of that stingy and selfish family, intending to go direct to Illinois. We traveled until we arrived at the house of a man by the name of Morris; they had a much smaller house than Bidwell's, but they would not listen to our continuing our journey during the severe cold weather. We accepted their invitation, and stayed there about two weeks. This family possessed the true Christian spirit, and treated us while there as kindly as if we had been their own children.
While staying with Brother Morris I attended several meetings at Far West. Old Father Smith, the father of the Prophet, led the meetings. He also directed the exodus of the Saints from Missouri to Illinois.
Thomas B. Marsh was at that time President of the twelve apostles, and I think Brigham Young was second and Orson Hyde the third on the roll. The great opposition to our people and Church caused the two pillars, Marsh and Hyde, to become weak-kneed and turn over to the enemy. Col. G. M. Hinkle, Dr. Averard, Judge W. W. Phelps, and others of the "tall" men of the Church followed suit. I remember going with Brother Levi Stewart to some of those fallen angels (in the days of our prosperity they had looked like angels to me) to inquire what to do and what was to be the future conduct of our people. G. M. Hinkle said that it was his opinion our leaders, the Prophet Joseph and those with him in prison, would be either hanged or imprisoned for life - that the members of the Church would scatter to the four winds, and never gather again in this dispensation.
We then went to Joseph's father and asked him for counsel. He told us that the Saints would gather again in Illinois. We asked him at what point, and he said:
"I do not know yet, but the further north we go the fewer poisonous serpents we will find."
He then advised us to attend private meetings and be set apart to the ministry. Public meetings could not be held by the terms of the treaty. We did attend private meetings, and I was ordained in the Quorum of Seventies, under the hands of Joseph Young and Levi Hancock. Stewart was ordained to the lesser Priesthood, which gave him authority to preach and baptize, but not to confirm.
The office that I held gave me authority to preach, baptize, and confirm by the laying on of hands, for the reception of the Holy Ghost, and to ordain and set apart Elders, Priests, Teachers, and Deacons, and to ordain a Seventy or High Priest, as the office of a Seventy belongs to the Melchisedek Priesthood; yet a Seventy or High Priest is generally ordained and set apart by the presidents of the several quorums.
After we were ordained we attended a private feast and blessing meeting, at which my wife and I got our Patriarchal Blessing, under the hands of Isaac Morley, Patriarch. This office properly belongs to those that are ordained and set apart to that calling, to bless the fatherless and the widow especially; but he can bless others who ask it and pay one dollar for the blessing. Often the widow and the poor are blessed free, but this is at the option of the Patriarch. My Patriarchal Blessing was in the following form:
"Brother John Doyle Lee: In the name of Jesus of Nazareth, and by virtue and authority of the Holy Priesthood, in me vested, I lay my hands upon thy head, and confer upon thee a Patriarchal or Father's Blessing. Thou art of Ephriam, through the loins of Joseph, that was sold into Egypt. And inasmuch as thou hast obeyed the requirements of the gospel of salvation, thy sins are forgiven thee. Thy name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life, never more to be blotted out. Thou art lawful heir to all the blessings of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the new and everlasting covenant. Thou shalt travel until thou art satisfied with seeing. Thousands shall hear the everlasting gospel proclaimed from thy lips. Kings and princes shall acknowledge thee to be their father in the new and everlasting covenant. Thou shalt have a numerous posterity, who shall rise up and bless thee. Thou shalt have houses and habitations, flocks, fields, and herds. Thy table shall be strewed with the rich luxuries of the earth, to feed thy numerous family and friends who shall come unto thee. Thou shalt be a counselor in Israel, and many shall come unto thee for instruction. Thou shalt have power over thine enemies. They that oppose thee shall yet come bending unto thee. Thou shalt sit under thine own vine and fig tree, where none shall molest or make thee afraid. Thou shalt be a blessing to thy family and to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Thou shalt understand the hidden things of the Kingdom of Heaven. The spirit of inspiration shall be a light in thy path and a guide to thy mind. Thou shalt come forth in the morning of the first resurrection, and no power shall hinder, except the shedding of innocent blood, or consenting thereto. I seal thee up to eternal life. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, Amen, and Amen."
To a true believer in the faith of the Latter-day Saints a blessing of this kind, from under the hand of a Patriarch, was then, and is now, next to a boon of eternal life. A Patriarch is a man highly favored of God, possesses the gift of discerning spirits, and can read the present and future destiny of men. Patriarchal blessings strengthen, stimulate and encourage true Saints to press on to perfection while passing through this world of sorrows, cares and disappointments.
Having been ordained and blessed, my next step was to arm myself with the Armor of Righteousness, and in my weakness pray for strength to face a frowning world. I had put my hands to the plow and I was determined that, with God's help, I would never turn back to the sinful elements of the world, the flesh, and the devil.