3. Do you love her because she is a thoroughly womanly woman; for her tender sympathetic nature; for the jewels of her life, which are absolute purity of mind and heart; for the sweet sincerity of her disposition; for her loving, charitable thought; for her strength of character? because she is pitiful to the sinful, tender to the sorrowful, capable, self-reliant, modest, true-hearted? in brief, because she is the embodiment of all womanly virtues?
4. Do you love him because he is a manly man; because the living and operating principle of his life is a tender reverence for all women; because his love is the overflow of the best part of his nature; because he has never soiled his soul with an unholy act or his lips with an oath; because mentally he is a man among men; because physically he stands head and shoulders above the masses; because morally he is far beyond suspicion, in his thought, word or deed; because his earnest manly consecrated life is a mighty power on God's side?
5. But there always has been and always will be unhappy marriages until men learn what husbandhood means; how to care for that tenderly matured, delicately constituted being, that he takes into his care and keeping. That if her wonderful adjusted organism is overtaxed and overburdened, her happiness, which is largely dependent upon her health, is destroyed.
6. Until men give the women they marry the undivided love of their heart; until constancy is the key-note of a life which speaks eloquently of clean thoughts and clean hearts.
7. Until men and women recognize that self-control in a man, and modesty in a woman, will bring a mutual respect that years of wedded life will only strengthen. Until they recognize that love is the purest and holiest of all things known to humanity, will marriage continue to bring unhappiness and discontent, instead of that comfort and restful peace which all loyal souls have a right to expect and enjoy.
8. Be sensible and marry a sensible, honest and industrious companion, and happiness through life will be your reward.
1. Women naturally love courage, force and firmness in men. The ideal man in a woman's eye must be heroic and brave. Woman naturally despises a coward, and she has little or no respect for a bashful man.
2. Woman naturally loves her lord and master. Women who desperately object to be overruled, nevertheless admire men who overrule them, and few women would have any respect for a man whom they could completely rule and control.
3. Man is naturally the protector of woman; as the male wild animal of the forest protects the female, so it is natural for man to protect his wife and children, and therefore woman admires those qualities in a man which make him a protector.
4. Large Men.—Women naturally love men of strength, size and fine physique, a tall, large and strong man rather than a short, small and weak man. A woman always pities a weakly man, but rarely ever has any love for him.
5. Small and Weakly Men.—All men would be of good size in frame and flesh, were it not for the infirmities visited upon them by the indiscretion of parents and ancestors of generations before.
6. Youthful Sexual Excitement.—There are many children born healthy and vigorous who destroy the full vigor of their generative organs in youth by self-abuse, and if they survive and marry, their children will have small bones, small frames and sickly constitutions. It is therefore not strange that instinct should lead women to admire men not touched with these symptoms of physical debility.
7. Generosity.—Woman generally loves a generous man. Religion absorbs a great amount of money in temples, churches, ministerial salaries, etc., and ambition and appetite absorb countless millions, yet woman receives more gifts from man than all these combined: she loves a generous giver. Generosity and Gallantry are the jewels which she most admires. A woman receiving presents from a man implies that she will pay him back in love, and the woman who accepts a man's presents, and does not respect him, commits a wrong which is rarely ever forgiven.
8. Intelligence.—Above all other qualities in man, woman admires his intelligence. Intelligence is man's woman-captivating card. This character in woman is illustrated by an English army officer, as told by O. S. Fowler, betrothed in marriage to a beautiful, loving heiress, summoned to India, who wrote back to her:
"I have lost an eye, a leg, an arm, and been so badly marred and begrimmed besides, that you never could love this poor, maimed soldier. Yet, I love you too well to make your life wretched by requiring you to keep your marriage-vow with me, from which I hereby release you. Find among English peers one physically more perfect, whom you can love better."
She answered, as all genuine women must answer:
"Your noble mind, your splendid talents, your martial prowess which maimed you, are what I love. As long as you retain sufficient body to contain the casket of your soul, which alone is what I admire, I love you all the same, and long to make you mine forever."
9. Soft Men.—All women despise soft and silly men more than all other defects in their character. Woman never can love a man whose conversation is flat and insipid. Every man seeking woman's appreciation or love should always endeavor to show his intelligence and manifest an interest in books and daily papers. He should read books and inform himself so that he can talk intelligently upon the various topics of the day. Even an ignorant woman always loves superior intelligence.
10. Sexual Vigor.—Women love sexual vigor in men. This is human nature. Weakly and delicate fathers have weak and puny children, though the mother may be strong and robust. A weak mother often bears strong children, if the father is physically and sexually vigorous. Consumption is often inherited from fathers, because they furnish the body, yet more women die with it because of female obstructions. Hence women love passion in men, because it endows their offspring with strong functional vigor.
11. Passionate Men.—The less passion any woman possesses, the more she prizes a strong passionate man. This is a natural consequence, for if she married one equally passionless, their children would be poorly endowed or they would have none; she therefore admires him who makes up the deficiency. Hence very amorous men prefer quiet, modest and reserved women.
12. Homely Men are admired by women if they are large, strong and vigorous and possess a good degree of intelligence. Looks are trifles compared with the other qualities which man may possess.
13. Young Man, If you desire to win the love and admiration of young ladies, first, be intelligent; read books and papers; remember what you read, so you can talk about it. Second, be generous and do not show a stingy and penurious disposition when in the company of ladies. Third, be sensible, original, and have opinions of your own and do not agree with everything that someone else says, or agree with everything that a lady may say. Ladies naturally admire genteel and intelligent discussions and conversations when there is someone to talk with who has an opinion of his own. Woman despises a man who has no opinion of his own; she hates a trifling disposition and admires leadership, original ideas, and looks up to man as a leader. Women despise all men whom they can manage, overrule, cow-down and subdue.
14. Be Self-Supporting.—The young man who gives evidence of thrift is always in demand. Be enthusiastic and drive with success all that you undertake. A young man, sober, honest and industrious, holding a responsible position or having a business of his own, is a prize that some bright and beautiful young lady would like to draw. Woman admires a certainty.
15. Uniformed Men.—It is a well known fact that women love uniformed men. The soldier figures as a hero in about every tale of fiction and it is said by good authority that a man in uniform has three more chances to marry than the man without uniform. The correct reason is, the soldier's profession is bravery, and he is dressed and trained for that purpose, and it is that which makes him admired by ladies rather than the uniform which he wears. His profession is also that of a protector.
KATE SHELLEY
The Heroine of Honey Creek, who July 6, 1881, crept across the
trembling bridge in the darkness of a terrific storm, and
stopped the approaching Passenger Train.
1. Female Beauty.—Men love beautiful women, for woman's beauty is the highest type of all beauty. A handsome woman needs no diamonds, no silks or satins; her brilliant face outshines diamonds and her form is beautiful in calico.
2. False Beautifiers.—Man's love of female beauty surpasses all other love, and whatever artificial means are used to beautify, to a certain extent are falsehoods which lead to distrust or dislike. Artificial beauty is always an imitation, and never can come into competition with the genuine. No art can successfully imitate nature.
3. True Kind of Beauty.—Facial beauty is only skin-deep. A beautiful form, a graceful figure, graceful movements and a kind heart are the strongest charms in the perfection of female beauty. A brilliant face always outshines what may be called a pretty face, for intelligence is that queenly grace which crowns woman's influence over men. Good looks and good and pure conduct awaken a man's love for women. A girl must therefore be charming as well as beautiful, for a charming girl will never become a charmless wife.
4. A Good Female Body.—No weakly, poor-bodied woman can draw a man's love like a strong, well developed body. A round, plump figure with an overflow of animal life is the woman most commonly sought, for nature in man craves for the strong qualities in women, as the health and life of offspring depend upon the physical qualities of wife and mother. A good body and vigorous health, therefore, become indispensable to female beauty.
5. Broad Hips.—A woman with a large pelvis gives her a superior and significant appearance, while a narrow pelvis always indicate weak sexuality. The other portions of the body however must be in harmony with the size and breadth of the hips.
6. Full Busts.—In the female beauty of physical development there is nothing that can equal full breasts. It is an indication of good health and good maternal qualities. As a face looks bad without a nose, so the female breast, when narrow and flat, produces a bad effect. The female breasts are the means on which a new-born child depends for its life and growth, hence it is an essential human instinct for men to admire those physical proportions in women which indicate perfect motherhood. Cotton and all other false forms simply show the value of natural ones. All false forms are easily detected, because large natural ones will generally quiver and move at every step, while the artificial ones will manifest no expression of life. As woman looks so much better with artificial paddings and puffings than she does without, therefore modern society should waive all objections to their use. A full breast has been man's admiration through all climes and ages, and whether this breast-loving instinct is right or wrong, sensible or sensual, it is a fact well known to all, that it is a great disappointment to a husband and father to see his child brought up on a bottle. Men love full breasts, because it promotes maternity. If, however, the breasts are abnormally large, it indicates maternal deficiency the same as any disproportion or extreme.
7. Small Feet.—Small feet and small ankles are very attractive, because they are in harmony with a perfect female form, and men admire perfection. Small feet and ankles indicate modesty and reserve, while large feet and ankles indicate coarseness, physical power, authority, predominance. Feet and ankles however must be in harmony with the body, as small feet and small ankles on a large woman would be out of proportion and consequently not beautiful.
8. Beautiful Arms.—As the arm is always in proportion with the other portions of the body, consequently a well-shaped arm, small hands and small wrists, with full muscular development, is a charm and beauty not inferior to the face itself, and those who have well-shaped arms may be proud of them, because they generally keep company with a fine bust and a fine figure.
9. Intelligence.—A mother must naturally possess intelligence, in order to rear her children intelligently, consequently it is natural for man to chiefly admire mental qualities in women, for utility and practicability depend upon intelligence. Therefore a man generally loves those charms in women which prepare her for the duties of companionship. If a woman desires to be loved, she must cultivate her intellectual gifts, be interesting and entertaining in society, and practical and helpful in the home, for these are some of the qualifications which make up the highest type of beauty.
10. Piety and Religion in Women.—Men who love home and the companionship of their wives, love truth, honor and honesty. It is this higher moral development that naturally leads them to admire women of moral and religious natures. It is therefore not strange that immoral men love moral and church-loving wives. Man naturally admires the qualities which tend to the correct government of the home. Men want good and pure children, and it is natural to select women who insure domestic contentment and happiness. A bad man, of course, does not deserve a good wife, yet he will do his utmost to get one.
11. False Appearance.—Men love reserved, coy and discreet women much more than blunt, shrewd and boisterous. Falsehood, false hair, false curls, false forms, false bosoms, false colors, false cheeks, and all that is false, men naturally dislike, for in themselves they are a poor foundation on which to form family ties, consequently duplicity and hypocrisy in women is very much disliked by men, but a frank, honest, conscientious soul is always lovable and lovely and will not become an old maid, except as a matter of choice and not of necessity.
1. "It is not good for man to be alone," was the Divine judgment, and so God created for him an helpmate; therefore sex is as Divine as the soul.
2. Polygamy.—Polygamy has existed in all ages. It is and always has been the result of moral degradation and wantonness.
3. The Garden of Eden.—The Garden of Eden was no harem. Primeval nature knew no community of love; there was only the union of two souls, and the twain were made one flesh. If God had intended man to be a polygamist he would have created for him two or more wives; but he only created one wife for the first man. He also directed Noah to take into the ark two of each sort—a male and female—another evidence that God believed in pairs only.
4. Abraham no doubt was a polygamist, and the general history of patriarchal life shows that the plurality of wives and concubinage were national customs, and not the institutions authorized by God.
5. Egyptian History.—Egyptian history, in the first ostensible form we have, shows that concubinage and polygamy were in common practice.
6. Solomon.—It is not strange that Solomon, with his thousand wives, exclaimed: "All is vanity and vexation of spirit." Polygamy is not the natural state of man.
7. Concubinage and Polygamy continued till the fifth century, when the degraded condition of woman became to some extent matters of some concern and recognition. Before this woman was regarded simply as an instrument of procreation, or a mistress of the household, to gratify the passions of man.
8. The Chinese marriage system was, and is, practically polygamous, for from their earliest traditions we learn, although a man could have but one wife, he was permitted to have as many concubines as he desired.
9. Mohammedanism.—Of the 150,000,000 Mohammedans all are polygamists. Their religion appeals to the luxury of animal propensities, and the voluptuous character of the Orientals has penetrated western Europe and Africa.
10. Mormonism.—The Mormon Church, founded by Joseph Smith, practiced polygamy until the beginning of 1893, when the church formally declared and resigned polygamy as a part or present doctrine of their religious institution. Yet all Mormons are polygamists at heart. It is a part of their religion; national law alone restrains them.
11. Free Lovers.—There is located at Lenox, Madison County, New York, an organization popularly known as Free Lovers. The members advocate a system of complex marriage, a sort of promiscuity, with a freedom of love for any and all. Man offers woman support and love, woman enjoying freedom, self-respect, health, personal and mental competency, gives herself to man in the boundless sincerity of an unselfish union. In their system, love is made synonymous with sexuality, and there is no doubt but what woman is only a plaything to gratify animal caprice.
12. Monogamy (Single Wife), is a law of nature evident from the fact that it fulfills the three essential conditions of man, viz.: the development of the individual, the welfare of society and reproduction. In no nation with a system of polygamy do we find a code of political and moral rights, and the condition of woman is that of a slave. In polygamous countries nothing is added to the education and civilization. The natural tendency is sensualism, and sensualism tends to mental starvation.
13. Christian Civilization has lifted woman from slavery to liberty. Wherever Christian civilization prevails there are legal marriages, pure homes and education. May God bless the purity of the home.
"Thus grief still treads upon the heel of pleasure,
Married in haste we may repent at leisure."—Shakspeare.
The parties are wedded. The priest or clergyman has pronounced as one those hearts that before beat in unison with each other. The assembled guests congratulate the happy pair. The fair bride has left her dear mother bedewed with tears and sobbing just as if her heart would break, and as if the happy bridegroom was leading her away captive against her will. They enter the carriage. It drives off on the wedding tour, and his arms encircles the yielding waist of her now all his own, while her head reclines on the breast of the man of her choice. If she be young and has married an old man, she will be sad. If she has married for a home, or position, or wealth, a pang will shoot across her fair bosom. If she has married without due consideration or on too light an acquaintance, it will be her sorrow before long. But, if loving and beloved, she has united her destiny with a worthy man, she will rejoice, and on her journey feel a glow of satisfaction and delight unfelt before and which will be often renewed, and daily prove as the living waters from some perennial spring.
'Tis sweet to hear the watch-dog's honest bark,
Bay deep-mouthed welcome as we draw near home;
'Tis sweet to know there is an eye will mark
Our coming, and look brighter when we come.—Byron, Don Juan.
1. Marriage is the natural state of man and woman. Matrimony greatly contributes to the wealth and health of man.
2. Circumstances may compel a man not to select a companion until late in life. Many may have parents or relatives, dependent brothers and sisters to care for, yet family ties are cultivated, notwithstanding the home is without a wife.
3. In Christian countries the laws of marriage have greatly added to the health of man. Marriage in barbarous countries, where little or no marriage ceremonies are required, benefits man but little. There can be no true domestic blessedness without loyalty and love for the select and married companion. All the licentiousness and lust of a libertine, whether civilized or uncivilized, bring him only unrest and premature decay.
4. A man, however, may be married and not mated, and consequently reap trouble and unhappiness. A young couple should first carefully learn each other by making the courtship a matter of business, and sufficiently long that the disposition and temper of each may be thoroughly exposed and understood.
5. First see that there is love; secondly, that there is adaptation; thirdly, see that there are no physical defects; and if these conditions are properly considered, cupid will go with you.
6. The happiest place on all earth is home. A loving wife and lovely children are jewels without price, as Payne says:
"'Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam,
Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home."
7. Reciprocated love produces a general exhilaration of the system. The elasticity of the muscles is increased, the circulation is quickened, and every bodily function is stimulated to renewed activity by a happy marriage.
8. The consummation desired by all who experience this affection, is the union of souls in a true marriage. Whatever of beauty or romance there may have been in the lover's dream, is enhanced and spiritualized in the intimate communion of married life. The crown of wifehood and maternity is purer, more divine than that of the maiden. Passion is lost—emotions predominate.
9. Too Early Marriages.—Too early marriage is always bad for the female. If a young girl marries, her system is weakened and a full development of her body is prevented, and the dangers of confinement are considerably increased.
10. Boys who marry young derive but little enjoyment from the connubial state. They are liable to excesses and thereby lose much of the vitality and power of strength and physical endurance.
11. Long Life.—Statistics show that married men live longer than bachelors. Child-bearing for women is conducive to longevity.
12. Complexion.—Marriage purifies the complexion, removes blotches from the skin, invigorates the body, fills up the tones of the voice, gives elasticity and firmness to the step, and brings health and contentment to old age.
13. Temptations Removed.—Marriage sanctifies a home, while adultery and libertinism produce unrest, distrust and misery. It must be remembered that a married man can practice the most absolute continence and enjoy a far better state of health than the licentious man. The comforts of companionship develop purity and give rest to the soul.
14. Total Abstention.—It is no doubt difficult for some men to fully abstain from sexual intercourse and be entirely chaste in mind. The great majority of men experience frequent strong sexual desire. Abstention is very apt to produce in their minds voluptuous images and untamable desires which require an iron will to banish or control. The hermit in his seclusion, or the monk in his retreat, are often flushed with these passions and trials. It is, however, natural; for remove these passions and man would be no longer a man. It is evident that the natural state of man is that of marriage; and he who avoids that state is not in harmony with the laws of his being.
15. Prostitution.—Men who inherit strong passions easily argue themselves into the belief, either to practice masturbation or visit places of prostitution, on the ground that their health demands it. Though medical investigation has proven it repeatedly to be false, yet many believe it. The consummation of marriage involves the mightiest issues of life and is the most holy and sacred right recognized by man, and it is the Balm of Gilead for many ills. Masturbation or prostitution soon blight the brightest prospects a young man may have. Manhood is morality and purity of purpose, not sensuality.
1. To live the life of a bachelor has many advantages and many disadvantages. The man who commits neither fornication, adultery nor secret vice, and is pure in mind, surely has all the moral virtues that make a good man and a good citizen, whether married or unmarried.
2. If a good pure-minded man does not marry, he will suffer no serious loss of vital power; there will be no tendency to spermatorrhœa or congestion, nor will he be afflicted with any one of those ills which certain vicious writers and quacks would lead many people to believe. Celibacy is perfectly consistent with mental vigor and physical strength. Regularity in the habits of life will always have its good effects on the human body.
3. The average life of a married man is much longer than that of a bachelor. There is quite an alarming odds in the United States in favor of a man with a family. It is claimed that the married man lives on an average from five to twenty years longer than a bachelor. The married man lives a more regular life. He has his meals more regularly and is better nursed in sickness, and in every way a happier and more contented man. The happiness of wife and children will always add comfort and length of days to the man who is happily married.
4. It is a fact well answered by statistics that there is more crime committed, more vices practiced, and more immorality among single men than among married men. Let the young man be pure in heart like Bunyan's Pilgrim, and he can pass the deadly dens, the roaring lions, and overcome the ravenous fires of passion, unscathed. The vices of single men support the most flagrant of evils of modern society, hence let every young man beware and keep his body clean and pure. His future happiness largely depends upon his chastity while a single man.
1. Modern Origin.—The prejudice which certainly still exists in the average mind against unmarried women must be of comparatively modern origin. From the earliest ages, in ancient Greece, and Rome particularly, the highest honors were paid them. They were the ministers of the old religions, and regarded with superstitious awe.
2. Matrimony.—Since the reformation, especially during the last century, and in our own land, matrimony has been so much esteemed, notably by women, that it has come to be regarded as in some sort discreditable for them to remain single. Old maids are mentioned on every hand with mingled pity and disdain, arising no doubt from the belief, conscious or unconscious, that they would not be what they are if they could help it. Few persons have a good word for them as a class. We are constantly hearing of lovely maidens, charming wives, buxom widows, but almost never of attractive old maids.
3. Discarding Prejudice.—The real old maid is like any other woman. She has faults necessarily, though not those commonly conceived of. She is often plump, pretty, amiable, interesting, intellectual, cultured, warm-hearted, benevolent, and has ardent friends of both sexes. These constantly wonder why she has not married, for they feel that she must have had many opportunities. Some of them may know why; she may have made them her confidantes. She usually has a sentimental, romantic, frequently a sad and pathetic past, of which she does not speak unless in the sacredness of intimacy.
4. Not Quarrelsome.—She is not dissatisfied, querulous nor envious. On the contrary, she is, for the most part, singularly content, patient and serene,—more so than many wives who have household duties and domestic cares to tire and trouble them.
5. Remain Single from Necessity.—It is a stupid, as well as a heinous mistake, that women who remain single do so from necessity. Almost any woman can get a husband if she is so minded, as daily observation attests. When we see the multitudes of wives who have no visible signs of matrimonial recommendation, why should we think that old maids have been totally neglected? We may meet those who do not look inviting. But we meet any number of wives who are even less inviting.
6. First Offer.—The appearance and outgiving of many wives denote that they have accepted the first offer; the appearance and outgiving of many old maids that they have declined repeated offers. It is undeniable, that wives, in the mass, have no more charm than old maids have, in the mass. But, as the majority of women are married, they are no more criticised nor commented on, in the bulk, than the whole sex are. They are spoken of individually as pretty or plain, bright or dull, pleasant or unpleasant; while old maids are judged as a species, and almost always unfavorable.
7. Becomes a Wife.—Many an old maid, so-called, unexpectedly to her associates becomes a wife, some man of taste, discernment and sympathy having induced her to change her state. Probably no other man of his kind has proposed before, which accounts for her singleness. After her marriage hundreds of persons who had sneered at her condition find her charming, thus showing the extent of their prejudice against feminine celibacy. Old maids in general, it is fair to presume, do not wait for opportunities, but for proposers of an acceptable sort. They may have, indeed they are likely to have, those, but not to meet these.
8. No Longer Marry for Support.—The time has changed and women have changed with it. They have grown more sensible, more independent in disposition as well as circumstances. They no longer marry for support; they have proved their capacity to support themselves, and self-support has developed them in every way. Assured that they can get on comfortably and contentedly alone they are better adapted by the assurance for consortship. They have rapidly increased from this and cognate causes, and have so improved in person, mind and character that an old maid of to-day is wholly different from an old maid of forty years ago.
1. Early Marriages.—Women too early married always remain small in stature, weak, pale, emaciated, and more or less miserable. We have no natural nor moral right to perpetuate unhealthy constitutions, therefore women should not marry too young and take upon themselves the responsibility, by producing a weak and feeble generation of children. It is better not to consummate a marriage until a full development of body and mind has taken place. A young woman of twenty-one to twenty-five, and a young man of twenty-three to twenty-eight, are considered the right age in order to produce an intelligent and healthy offspring. "First make the tree good, then shall the fruit be good also."
2. If marriage is delayed too long in either sex, say from thirty to forty-five, the offspring will often be puny and more liable to insanity, idiocy, and other maladies.
3. Puberty.—This is the period when childhood passes from immaturity of the sexual functions to maturity. Woman attains this state a year or two sooner than man. In the hotter climates the period of puberty is from twelve to fifteen years of age, while in cold climates, such as Russia, the United States, and Canada, puberty is frequently delayed until the seventeenth year.
4. Diseased Parents.—We do the race a serious wrong in multiplying the number of hereditary invalids. Whole families of children have fallen heir to lives of misery and suffering by the indiscretion and poor judgment of parents. No young man in the vigor of health should think for a moment of marrying a girl who has the impress of consumption or other disease already stamped upon her feeble constitution. It only multiplies his own suffering, and brings no material happiness to his invalid wife. On the other hand, no healthy, vigorous young woman ought to unite her destiny with a man, no matter how much she adored him, who is not healthy and able to brave the hardships of life. If a young man or young woman with feeble body cannot find permanent relief either by medicine or change of climate, no thoughts of marriage should be entertained. Courting a patient may be pleasant, but a hard thing in married life to enjoy. The young lady who supposes that any young man wishes to marry her for the sake of nursing her through life makes a very grave mistake.
5. Whom to Choose for a Husband.—The choice of a husband requires the coolest judgment and the most vigilant sagacity. A true union based on organic law is happiness, but let all remember that oil and water will not mix; the lion will not lie down with the lamb, nor can ill-assorted marriages be productive of aught but discord.
"Let the woman take
An elder than herself, so wears she to him—
So sways she, rules in her husband's heart."
Look carefully at the disposition.—See that your intended spouse is kind-hearted, generous, and willing to respect the opinions of others, though not in sympathy with them. Don't marry a selfish tyrant who thinks only of himself.
6. Be Careful.—Don't marry an intemperate man with a view of reforming him. Thousands have tried it and failed. Misery, sorrow and a very hell on earth have been the consequences of too many such generous undertakings.
7. The True and Only Test which any man should look for in woman is modesty in demeanor before marriage, absence both of assumed ignorance and disagreeable familiarity, and a pure and religious frame of mind. Where these are present, he need not doubt that he has a faithful and a chaste wife.
8. Marrying First Cousins is dangerous to offspring. The observation is universal, the children of married first cousins are too often idiots, insane, clump-footed, crippled, blind, or variously diseased. First cousins are always sure to impart all the hereditary disease in both families to their children. If both are healthy there is less danger.
9. Do Not Choose One Too Good, or too far above you, lest the inferior dissatisfying the superior, breed those discords which are worse than the trials of a single life. Don't be too particular; for you might go farther and fare worse. As far as you yourself are faulty, you should put up with faults. Don't cheat a consort by getting one much better than you can give. We are not in heaven yet, and must put up with their imperfections, and instead of grumbling at them, be glad they are no worse; remembering that a faulty one is a great deal better than none, if he loves you.
10. Marrying for Money.—Those who seek only the society of those who can boast of wealth will nine times out of ten suffer disappointment. Wealth cannot manufacture true love nor money buy domestic happiness. Marry because you love each other, and God will bless your home. A cottage with a loving wife is worth more than a royal palace with a discontented and unloving queen.
11. Difference in Age.—It is generally admitted that the husband should be a few years older than the wife. The question seems to be how much difference. Up to twenty-two those who propose marriage should be about the same age; however, other things being equal, a difference of fifteen years after the younger is twenty-five, need not prevent a marriage. A man of forty-five may marry a woman of twenty-five much more safely than one of thirty a girl below nineteen, because her mental sexuality is not as mature as his, and again her natural coyness requires more delicate and affectionate treatment than he is likely to bestow. A girl of twenty or under should seldom if ever marry a man of thirty or over, because the love of an elderly man for a girl is more parental than conjugal; while hers for him is like that of a daughter to a father. He may pet, flatter and indulge her as he would a grown-up daughter, yet all this is not genuine masculine and feminine love, nor can she exert over him the influence every man requires from his wife.
12. The Best Time.—All things considered, we advise the male reader to keep his desires in check till he is at least twenty-five, and the female not to enter the pale of wedlock until she has attained the age of twenty. After those periods, marriage is the proper sphere of action, and one in which nearly every individual is called by nature to play his proper part.
13. Select Carefully.—While character, health, accomplishments and social position should be considered, yet one must not overlook mental construction and physical conformation. The rule always to be followed in choosing a life partner is identity of taste and diversity of temperament. Another essential is that they be physically adapted to each other. For example: The pelvis—that part of the anatomy containing all the internal organs of gestation—is not only essential to beauty and symmetry, but is a matter of vital importance to her who contemplates matrimony, and its usual consequences. Therefore, the woman with a very narrow and contracted pelvis should never choose a man of giant physical development lest they cannot duly realize the most important of the enjoyments of the marriage state, while the birth of large infants will impose upon her intense labor pains, or even cost her her life.
1. Love.—Let it ever be remembered that love is one of the most sacred elements of our nature, and the most dangerous with which to tamper. It is a very beautiful and delicately contrived faculty, producing the most delightful results, but easily thrown out of repair—like a tender plant, the delicate fibers of which incline gradually to entwine themselves around its beloved one, uniting two willing hearts by a thousand endearing ties, and making of "twain one flesh"; but they are easily torn asunder, and then adieu to the joys of connubial bliss!
2. Courting by the Quarter.—This courting by the quarter, "here a little and there a little," is one of the greatest evils of the day. This getting a little in love with Julia, and then a little with Eliza, and a little more with Mary,—this fashionable flirtation and coquetry of both sexes—is ruinous to the domestic affections; besides, effectually preventing the formation of true connubial love. I consider this dissipation of the affections one of the greatest sins against Heaven, ourselves, and the one trifled with, that can be committed.
3. Frittering Away Affections.—Young men commence courting long before they think of marrying, and where they entertain no thoughts of marriage. They fritter away their own affections, and pride themselves on their conquests over the female heart; triumphing in having so nicely fooled them. They pursue this sinful course so far as to drive their pitiable victims, one after another, from respectable society, who, becoming disgraced, retaliate by heaping upon them all the indignities and impositions which the fertile imagination of woman can invent or execute.
4. Courting Without Intending to Marry.—Nearly all this wide-spread crime and suffering connected with public and private licentiousness and prostitution, has its origin in these unmeaning courtships—this premature love—this blighting of the affections, and every young man who courts without intending to marry, is throwing himself or his sweetheart into this hell upon earth. And most of the blame rests on young men, because they take the liberty of paying their addresses to the ladies and discontinuing them, at pleasure, and thereby mainly cause this vice.
5. Setting Their Caps.—True, young ladies sometimes "set their caps," sometimes court very hard by their bewitching smiles and affectionate manners; by the natural language of love, or that backward reclining and affectionate roll of the head which expresses it; by their soft and persuasive accents; by their low dresses, artificial forms, and many other unnatural and affected ways and means of attracting attention and exciting love; but women never court till they have been in love and experienced its interruption, till their first and most tender fibres of love have been frostbitten by disappointment. It is surely a sad condition of society.