“Pooh, pooh! Come and hunt. Come and hunt. There is no use in looking after a parcel of buildings, and running to see sights: now you are in this part of the country you ought to enjoy the pleasures it affords. Come and hunt, man. Come and hunt.”
This was said by a fine, stout, middle-aged man, dressed in a light jean jacket and full lower garments of a similar fabric, with a very broad brimmed hat of fine straw, which he was then putting on. Although his complexion was sallow, his features were lively and intelligent; and there was a bluff, free, careless manner with him that seemed particularly agreeable to his companions. They were in a handsome chamber with an open veranda, through which the slight breeze that was stirring, entered; and the furniture, though rather faded, still possessed an air of elegance. Wines, fruits, and sweetmeats were on a large table in the centre, near which Oriel Porphyry and the speaker stood. Zabra was leaning over the back of a cane-bottomed seat, watching the motions of a lizard crawling up part of the framework of the veranda. Fortyfolios was busily engaged endeavouring to beat off several mosquitoes that seemed to have taken a fancy to his bald head; and Dr. Tourniquet was examining the tusk of an elephant that lay, with several skins, in a corner of the room.
“Ah, but, Sir Curry Rajah,” replied the young merchant, “when you kindly invited us to your country house, I told you our stay could be but brief. The period I intended to pass with you has elapsed; and though delighted with your hospitality, I must really be thinking of my departure.”
“Nonsense, nonsense!” exclaimed his host. “You wo’n’t be thinking of any thing of the kind. There is no business waiting for you. My people in the city will take care that every thing you required shall be shipped safely without loss of time; and, therefore, there can be no occasion for your troubling your young brains about profit and loss for a day or two at least. Come and hunt, I tell you. Come and hunt.”
“Is there any good hunting in this part of the world, then?” inquired Oriel.
“Hunting! The best hunting in the universe,” replied Sir Curry Rajah. “I’ve got the finest preserves in all India.”
“And what game have you?” asked his visitor.
“Game?—Game of all kinds, and plenty of it; especially tigers,” responded the other.
“Tigers!” exclaimed the young merchant in so loud a voice that his companions started with surprise. “Why, what could induce you to preserve such animals?”
“The sport, to be sure, man,” replied Sir Curry; “and we are obliged to be very strict in the application of our game laws; for the rascally poachers will often destroy the game.”
“I should think the game more likely to destroy the poachers,” observed his guest with a smile.
“That’s their look out,” said the other. “I only know it’s a most difficult thing to preserve tigers. My tenants shoot them if they happen to attack their flocks; and the peasants combine to kill them, for the purpose of procuring their skins. But our game laws punish the scoundrels severely if they are caught in the fact—imprisonment and hard labour for every offence, and very just these laws are. Why, gentlemen would have no sport if they were to allow their game to be cut up by every fellow who has a desire for sport, or thinks his life or the lives of his cattle of more value than a tiger. I have been at great expense with my preserves; for the animal has long been exceedingly scarce: and I have improved the breed a great deal by importing some new varieties. The cross which has ensued has altered the game wonderfully. They are infinitely more savage, far more daring, and in speed and cunning are not to be excelled. In fact, my tigers have a reputation all over the country; and the ablest hunters are very glad to get a day’s sport with me, as they know they will meet with the best tigers that are to be found any where.”
“And how do you hunt them?” inquired Oriel.
“On elephants principally,” replied Sir Curry. “The hunter sits upon an elephant, with an air gun, fixed upon a swivel, before him. These animals are well trained. I’ve got some of the finest elephants in the world, thorough-bred—and they go into the preserve, and rouse the tiger from his cover. If he goes off, the elephant follows; if he shows fight, the hunter fires: and sometimes the game is not killed till fine sport has been enjoyed—a man or two killed, and other exciting pleasures enjoyed.”
“And did these skins belong to animals of your killing?” inquired Tourniquet, who had been an attentive listener to the conversation, as he turned over two or three large tiger skins.
“Yes, I killed them, and fine sport they gave,” said his host. “That one you have in your hand belonged to a noble fellow. The day in which he was killed was a memorable one. My late neighbour, Lord Muligatawny, was very proud of his preserves, and used to boast he had the best tigers in India. So to take the conceit out of his lordship, I invited him to a hunt on my grounds. Well, he came on his elephant, for he enjoyed the sport as much as any man, and we proceeded together with our attendants to a jungle in which I knew the greatest quantity of game was to be found. He and I kept close together, he boasting all the time of the superiority of his preserves, till as we entered this particular place, I thought it would be most advisable to be at a short distance from him, so we separated, but without my losing sight of him. Now Lord Muligatawny used a peculiar kind of snuff-box, and was a fierce looking sort of man; and he used to say that no tiger could ever look him in the face. He said the brute always bolted when he tried the experiment. Well, we saw lots of game, and had some capital sport, but as we were proceeding along in high spirits at our success, I started a magnificent animal. I had a shot at him, but was not near enough to do him any mischief. As the tiger was stealing off towards Lord Muligatawny, he fired; but whether it was his mismanagement of the gun, or proceeded from his elephant’s suddenly backing at the approach of the tiger, I cannot say; but certain it is Lord Muligatawny was tumbled off his elephant, and in another moment the tiger was upon him. ‘Now we shall see if the tiger will bolt,’ thought I; and he did bolt: but he bolted with Lord Muligatawny! He grasped his lordship by the nape of his neck at the time he was looking as fierce as a ferret, and flinging his body over his shoulder, he was out of sight before any one could get a shot at him.”
“And what became of him?” inquired Oriel.
“That was the last we ever saw of Lord Muligatawny,” replied Sir Curry. “But about a week afterwards I was hunting in the neighbourhood, when, after a capital run, and a desperate contest, I succeeded in killing one of the finest tigers I ever saw. I had his body taken home to show him to my friends, and upon opening him, among the best part of a sheep, a dog’s hind quarters, and a litter of sucking pigs, we found the identical snuff-box of poor Lord Muligatawny, proving beyond the possibility of a doubt that not only had the tiger bolted with his lordship, but that he had had the audacity to make a bolt of him. But come and hunt—come and hunt—I will show you some capital sport.”
“Such as you showed Lord Muligatawny, I suppose,” said the young merchant, laughing.
“Oh no, there’s no danger,” replied his host; and then taking an air-gun of a peculiar construction towards his visitor, added, “Now, look at this weapon—one of the best of the kind ever made. This is fixed on a swivel in the carriage in which you sit on the elephant; and you are quite safe, and, if you are a tolerable marksman, are sure to wound your game. Besides this, the hunter generally has a strong short sword, like this,” said he, producing a weapon of that description. “Very sharp and very useful too, for if the tiger leaps on the elephant, which he will frequently do, the hunter with a good blow at his head may settle his business. Come and hunt, man, come and hunt.”
“Confound these mosquitoes!” exclaimed the professor in a rage, vainly endeavouring to drive the insects from about him, and making the most ludicrous grimaces, as in spite of his exertions they succeeded in biting the exposed part of his head. “These horrible things will torment me to death. Ever since I have been in this deplorable country, my head has been besieged by thousands of them. They don’t let me rest a minute. Ah! What a gripe! I shall go mad! They’ll torment me to death; I can’t endure it, Sir Curry.”
“You’ll soon get used to it,” said his host, quietly. “This is the way they always use strangers. You are fresh meat to them. But come and hunt—come and hunt; I’ll have the elephants got ready for you immediately, and it’s a capital day for the sport.”
“What say you, gentlemen? Shall we hunt the tiger?” asked Oriel Porphyry.
“I would rather you would hunt the musquitoes,” said Fortyfolios, seriously.
“What say you, Zabra?”
“If you wish it, Oriel,” replied the youth.
“I have not the slightest objection, don’t you see,” observed the doctor.
“Then let it be, Sir Curry,” said Oriel.
Orders were instantly given to the servants, a crowd of dark Hindoos, in white turbans, short frocks fastened round the middle with a sash, and with bare arms and legs, who lost no time in making the necessary preparations.
Three elephants were caparisoned and led round to the front of the house. Sir Curry mounted the largest, and Fortyfolios and Tourniquet, after some trouble, managed to get firm sitting on another. While these preparations were making, Zabra had been amusing himself by feeding the remaining elephant with sweetmeats. She was a small but exceedingly docile animal; and seemed to enjoy the sort of food with which she was indulged with a particular gusto, swinging her body with a regular oscillatory movement, and twisting her trunk up and down with ceaseless activity. The order having been given her to kneel, the two friends mounted; and, accompanied by a few attendants, skilful in the management of the hunt, the party moved forward into an open park, in which several blue-skinned buffaloes and humped bullocks, with here and there a few deer, were seen endeavouring to find a cool place in the shadows of the trees. The day was excessively hot; and the oppressive sultriness of the atmosphere seemed to be felt by every living thing, except the mosquitoes, who flew about in myriads, plaguing both man and beast. In passing a large tank the cattle were frequently seen rushing into it, where they would remain with nothing but their noses above the water, in hopes of escaping from those tormenting insects; but Fortyfolios appeared to be the especial object of their attacks, for his hands were constantly employed in trying to drive them from his face. They passed many clumps of lofty cocoa-nut trees, in which troops of monkeys were skipping about from branch to branch, and chattering at the hunters with more volubility than harmony; and, after proceeding along fields of rice, indigo, and Indian corn, surrounded by hedges of aloes and bamboo, they approached a marsh, watered by a branch of the Ganges, in which several large crocodiles, troops of adjutants, and different species of snakes were observed.
“There’s plenty of game here, you see!” remarked Sir Curry to his companions. “But it’s wonderful the difficulty I have to preserve it; poaching prevails to a great extent in spite of the severity of our game laws.”
No reply was made to the observation; and the party passed on, making their way with great difficulty through a forest of banyans, occasionally taking a shot at a stray jackal or a wandering vulture, till they descended a steep declivity, overgrown with thick underwood, over which trees of immense proportions spread their gigantic branches.
“Now we shall soon beat up the game,” said Sir Curry: “we are entering a famous preserve of tigers. About half a mile further in the jungle we shall come to the very place where I lost poor Lord Muligatawny. Very interesting spot.”
Fortyfolios at least did not seem to care for the interest of the place, and he regretted ever having left the safe quarters of Sir Curry Rajah’s country-house, to wander on the back of an elephant through marshes, and forests, and jungles, infested with every species of venomous and savage creatures.
“I cannot see what pleasure there can be in exposing one’s life in this way. It’s the most foolish thing I ever heard of,” said he to his companion.
“The ancients were much greater fools, don’t you see,” replied Tourniquet. “They would break their necks after a wretched fox.”
“But the fox couldn’t eat the hunter, and the tiger can,” added the other seriously.
“Then there is the greater necessity for killing the tiger, don’t you see,” rejoined the doctor.
“But why not exterminate the breed? They must be very destructive to the flocks and herds as well as to human beings who happen to fall in their way; yet this man actually preserves them for the sake of the sport they afford,” said the professor, with unfeigned astonishment.
“Just so did the ancients with their foxes,” replied his companion. “They were very destructive to the poultry of the neighbouring farmers; they were perfectly worthless; their skins were of no value, and their flesh not eatable; yet they were carefully preserved for the sport they afforded.”
“A tiger!” exclaimed Sir Curry, who was a little in advance of the party, as he pointed to some animal, the form of which could not be clearly distinguished, stealing through the high grass and reeds with which they were surrounded. Several shots were fired at him; but he bounded away as if unhurt, and the elephants proceeded in pursuit.
“A tiger!” again shouted their host, and another was observed making off in a contrary direction; but he escaped before a gun could be discharged.
Oriel Porphyry began to feel a little excited, and took more interest in the hunt than he had previously experienced.
“Oh!” exclaimed Fortyfolios, as loud as he could scream; and, upon looking round to observe what was the matter, the hunters beheld a large monkey, as the professor was passing underneath the branch of a tree, swinging by his tail, dart down, and snatch the straw hat that Fortyfolios wore to shield his head from the sun’s rays, with which he made an immediate retreat, grinning and chattering among his companions as if congratulating himself on the cleverness by which he had acquired the prize. The whole troop were immediately in commotion, scrambling with one another for possession of the spoil; till the thief, finding he was likely to lose the result of his dexterity, placed the hat on his own head, and darted off, from branch to branch, with inconceivable rapidity, pursued by the other monkeys with a chorus of yells absolutely deafening.
Fortyfolios looked the very picture of mute despair when he found his bald head exposed to the attacks of the relentless mosquitoes, and was obliged to bind it with a handkerchief. His disquietude did not decrease, when, a few paces farther on, his eyes fell upon the form of a monstrous snake, twined round the stem of an immense tree, which, with arched head, glaring eyes, and protruded sting, seemed about to spring upon the unhappy professor.
“Plenty of game here, gentlemen; capital preserve,” observed Sir Curry very coolly.
“Heaven preserve me!” emphatically exclaimed Fortyfolios, trembling in every joint.
Tourniquet fired at the monster, and he immediately glided away into the deepest recesses of the jungle.
“A tiger!” shouted Sir Curry, as one made its appearance within a few yards of his elephant. Oriel fired, and hit him. Sir Curry fired at the same time, and lodged a bullet in his shoulder. The animal, smarting with the pain and howling with rage, made a spring at Sir Curry, which brought him within reach of his “tiger-slayer,” as he called it; and a ferocious blow, well directed, sent him with another howl to the feet of the elephant, who kept him between her hind legs and her fore legs till she had kicked him to death.
“Fine beast!” said Sir Curry Rajah, noticing its size; “but this place is famous for such game. By the bye, this is the identical spot in which I lost poor Lord Muligatawny. He was sitting on his elephant just where sits our friend the professor——”
“Oh!” groaned Fortyfolios.
“When he fell into the jaws of the tiger.”
The professor shuddered and looked very pale.
“A tiger!” shouted Sir Curry.
“Murder!” screamed Fortyfolios; and if Tourniquet had not laid hold of him he would have tumbled off his seat.
“I’m surprised a man of your sense should show so much fear, don’t you see,” observed the doctor.
“It is not fear, Doctor Tourniquet,” replied the professor, endeavouring to conceal his alarm with all the philosophy he possessed. “I do not care about death, but I have a reasonable objection to being devoured. As for the quality, impression, or emotion, which is usually called fear, in a philosophical sense, I deny that in me it has ever had existence.”
“A tiger!” again shouted Sir Curry.
“Murder!” again screamed the professor; and he trembled so violently that he caught hold of the framework of the seat to secure his position on the elephant. The game now became very plentiful; and the hunt was followed from one jungle through open vistas into another. Oriel entered into the pursuit with ardour, but Zabra did not appear to join in it with the least interest. He seemed to entertain the same objection to being devoured as Fortyfolios, or else his anxiety for the safety of his companion destroyed all pleasure in the chase. He became restless and uneasy; but Oriel was so actively engaged in looking for and despatching the game, that he did not notice the disquietude of his friend. They had killed several tigers; and, having pursued a very large one out of the jungle into an open valley, he there made a stand before a large banyan tree. The hunters surrounded him, and he was crouching, lashing himself with his tail, and preparing for a spring, as they approached. As soon as they came within shooting distance, Oriel, Sir Curry, and Dr. Tourniquet, fired; instantly, with a low half-stifled growl, the tiger gave two or three prodigious bounds, and leaped upon the elephant upon which Zabra was sitting; and immediately afterwards both were rolling together among the long grass. The elephant, as soon as she observed Zabra’s danger, as if in gratitude for the attentions she had received from him before starting for the hunt, turned round and ran at the tiger as if with the intention of trampling him down. The young merchant, in the anguish of the moment, at seeing his friend in the power of the ferocious beast, had at first lost his presence of mind, but observing that the elephant had succeeded in drawing the attention of the tiger from his victim, he slipped off her back, and, with no other weapon than his hunting sword, advanced to the place where the animal stood. The elephant had made two or three rushes at the tiger, but had not succeeded in getting him under her feet, and he was still crouching beside the prostrate body of Zabra, when he observed the approach of Oriel.
“Let me have a shot at him, Master Porphyry,” exclaimed his host.
“You will be killed, don’t you see, if you attack him with such a useless weapon?” shouted Tourniquet. Oriel still advanced with his sword firmly grasped, his arm raised, and his gaze fixed upon that of the tiger. The savage beast curved his back and lashed his tail; his fur became erect, and his eyes seemed flashing with an expression of the most terrible ferocity. Oriel Porphyry still moved forward; and as the tiger, with a low sharp growl, made a bound towards him, he leaped on one side, and turning quickly round dealt a blow with all his force, that severed the tendons of the animal’s leg, as he reached the ground. The brute howled with pain, and rushed with open mouth upon his antagonist. The wound he had received prevented him from making a spring, but he dashed furiously forward upon three legs, with looks intent upon mischief.
At this instant, the elephant made a rush at the tiger, and tumbled him over to a considerable distance. Oriel again advanced towards him; and lashing himself into a fiercer rage, the wounded beast prepared to dig his claws and teeth into the body of his pursuer; but the young merchant avoided all the desperate attempts the savage creature made to fasten upon him, and inflicted upon his head and legs several severe wounds; then, watching his opportunity, he brought down the sword with all his strength upon his skull, and the tiger fell dead at his feet.
When he turned round to hasten to Zabra’s assistance, he found the elephant trying to raise him from the ground with her trunk: and she seemed as much concerned at the accident as any person there, and moved him as gently, and looked in his face as anxiously, as the tenderest nurse could have done.
“Bravely fought, Master Porphyry!” exclaimed Sir Curry. “I never saw finer sport; and you have shown yourself one of the best hunters I ever met with. You shall have the skin, for you’ve well deserved it.”
“Are you much hurt, my dear Zabra?” he anxiously inquired, without attending to his host’s commendations, as he bent over the prostrate body of his friend. A low groan was all the reply he received. “Dr. Tourniquet!” shouted Oriel: but the doctor was standing at his side, having hastened to the spot when he saw that his services were likely to be required.
“See what can be done immediately,” added the young merchant earnestly. “I’m almost afraid the brute has killed him.”
“It’s not so bad as that, don’t you see, for he breathes,” observed the surgeon.
“But his dress is all over blood; therefore he must have received some dangerous wounds,” added Oriel. “Here; I’ll undo his vest; and then we can see the extent of the injury he has received.”
“Oh, no!” said the doctor, unceremoniously pushing him away.
“Doctor Tourniquet, you behave very strangely, I think,” said the other, seemingly much offended.
“I beg pardon, Master Porphyry,” responded the doctor, apparently with much confusion; “but it would be very dangerous to meddle with the wounds now, don’t you see.”
“They surely ought to be dressed without loss of time,” remarked the young merchant.
“The patient has received a severe shock; and the state of the atmosphere, and—and not having with me things necessary to dress the wound, and—and many other things, make it advisable that the patient should be put to bed before his hurts are examined,” said the doctor, attempting to hide his perplexity as well as he could.
“I must say, I think it very strange,” observed Oriel, not being able to account for the embarrassment under which the doctor was evidently labouring.
“No harm done, I hope?” inquired Sir Curry, as he approached upon his elephant. “I should be sorry to have another Lord Muligatawny affair.”
“There’s no knowing what harm has been done; for I really cannot get my surgeon to ascertain,” replied the young merchant.
“No! ah! that’s strange,” responded his host: “I always like to know the worst. It’s a great consolation.”
“Let us get out of this horrid place, or we shall all be eaten up by wild beasts,” exclaimed Fortyfolios, who was sitting, disconsolate and uneasy on the top of his elephant.
“Such a thing might be. I’ve known several persons whose ardour in pursuit of game has made them food for tigers,” remarked Sir Curry. “Poor Lord Muligatawny was only one instance out of many.”
“Oh!” groaned the professor.
“See, he revives!” exclaimed the doctor, directing attention to his patient, whose eyes were gently unclosing.
“Zabra! my dear Zabra! are you better?” asked Oriel, as he supported his young friend’s head on his shoulder.
Zabra looked about him with a wild stare, till his eyes fell upon the elephant, who had all the time been an attentive spectator of the scene, and then, as if remembering what he had suffered, he gave a slight convulsive shudder, and sunk back into the arms of his patron.
“The tiger is dead, Zabra!” exclaimed Oriel.
“I wish all tigers were dead,” muttered Fortyfolios.
“I think we had better place the patient on yonder elephant, and I will accompany him till we return from whence we set out, when he can have his wounds dressed, don’t you see,” said Dr. Tourniquet, who had recovered from his confusion.
“Yes, send him forward with some of my people,” added Sir Curry Rajah; “and you come with me, Master Porphyry, and I’ll show you a preserve where the tigers are as thick as monkeys on a cocoanut tree.”
“I’ve had quite enough of tiger hunting, I thank you,” replied Oriel Porphyry, very seriously; then directing his attention to his young friend, he exclaimed—“Zabra! are you better now?”
The youth opened his long eye-lashes, and gazed upon his patron, as if recognising his voice, and then in a low whisper said, “Yes, I am better, Oriel.”
“Will you let Dr. Tourniquet examine your wounds, Zabra? We want to know how much you are hurt.”
“Oh no! oh no!” he replied hastily, “Not now, not now, Oriel. Not now.”
“This is very strange,” observed the young merchant, unable to find a reason for an objection to a thing that seemed so requisite. “Very strange—but you can let us know what injury you have received.”
“My back and arms are lacerated,” responded Zabra. “But they do not pain me so much as they did. Dr. Tourniquet shall see to them when I return, and perhaps you can allow him to remain with me in case I should want his assistance before. You can then return with the professor.”
Oriel Porphyry appeared surprised, but he gave orders to the attendants, who had been unconcerned spectators of the scene; and, having lifted Zabra upon the elephant, who seemed delighted to regain his burthen, the whole party returned to the country house of Sir Curry Rajah.
“I tell you what it is, Boggle,” said Climberkin to his friend, as they were pacing the quarter-deck together, “You’re al’ays getting yourself into scrapes. You’ve got a notion as you can do things in the most tip top manner, and you make a reg’lar mommock of every thin’ you sets about.”
“All I knows o’ the matter is, that I likes to ha’ ’ticular notions o’ things in general, as every man as is a man, and thinks like a man, should,” replied the other. “But I arn’t such a stoop as to allow every body to come his handy dandy sugarcandy over me. I knows a marlin spike from a gun carriage.”
“But there was no ’casion for you to ’noy the cap’ain by comin’ the high and mighty over his nevey,” observed Climberkin.
“Well, I did it for the best,” responded his companion. “You see the young chap arn’t quite up to his dooty; so I thought, as I was his superior officer, it was the most properest thing in natur for me to tell him what’s what. But I recomembered as young people has feelings, and that it would be best to make my ’munication as pleasant as possible; so the next time I comed alongside Mr. Midshipman Loop, I says, quite delicately, says I, you’re a lubberly young son of a sea cow, as arn’t fit to do nuffin but to count your fingers, or cut your toe-nails. You’re al’ays a skylarking arter some precious mischief or another. No matter whether you’re aloft among the reefers, or down below, right-fol-de-dolin’ at the mess, you’re up to no sort o’ good whatsomdever. I arn’t no patience wi’ sich varmint; and if you don’t do your dooty in a less ’jectionable sort o’ fashion, I’m pretty considerably spiflicated if I don’t make sich a report o’ your wagabondisings as shall make you catch more toko than you’ll be able to digest in a month. Well, instead of the fellow being grateful for the handsome way in which I’d tried not to hurt none o’ his feelins, he looks at me w’ as much water in his eyes as ’ould do to wash his face in; and in a short time arterwards up comes the cap’ain, and gives me sich a sittin’ down as didn’t leave me a leg to stand on.”
“You’d been too hard upon the young un,” observed Climberkin: “there was no necessity for speaking so sharp.”
“It’s always the way I gets served out whenever I attempts to do a good action,” replied Boggle. “Nobody has better intentions nor I have; but, somehow or another, whenever I’ve ’tempted to do a fellow a good turn, the end on it is the treatment I meets wi’ gives me sich a turn as puts me into a perfect ’stonishment.”
“You don’t go the right way to work, Boggle—that’s it, depend on’t,” replied his companion.
“The right way!” exclaimed Boggle. “Why, I’ve been this way, and that way, and t’other way—backards and forards—right and left—upside down and round the corners; and I should like to know what other way there is in this here univarsal world? No; the thing is this: there’s a plank started some where. Natur don’t go right wi’ me. I’ve had a deal o’ ’sperience in my time, and every ’dividual thing has been sarved up to me wi’ the same sauce.”
“I should like to hear the long and the short o’ your goin’s on,” said Climberkin.
“Why, as to that, I’ve a notion the whole circumbendibus o’ my history is as good as a sermon,” replied the other.
“Well, let’s hear it then, Boggle, if you’ve no objection,” added his companion.
“Then here goes, if you’ll sit down on this gun; for, though I’ve heard o’ a standin’ joke, I should think a standin’ story would be rather a tiresome sort o’ thing. It’s no matter when or where I was launched,” continued Boggle; “and about my parentage, its only necessary to say, I had a father and a mother, like other folks. Well, in due time I was bound a ’prentice to a ship’s carpenter. I very early entertained a desire to set people to rights as was goin’ wrong. I thought there was nuffin so pleasant as tryin’ to do good, and I took hold of every ’portunity to benefit my fellow-creturs. Master was a punch-your-head sort o’ character, wi’ one eye and a leg-o’-mutton fist; and missus was a spirited little ooman, mighty famous in her way; but if you did get in her way, she pretty soon made you get out of it. Well, when master wasn’t a punchin’ my head, missus was a boxin’ my ears; and when missus wasn’t a boxin’ my ears, master was a punchin’ my head; and when they were tired o’ sarvin’ me out, they turned to and sarved each other out. I led a lovely life, as you may suppose.”
“A dog would ha’ been better off, I should think,” observed Climberkin.
“I had a heart overflowin’ wi’ the buttermilk o’ human kindness,” continued the lieutenant; “and I didn’t like sich a state o’ things, no how. I entertained a notion that the only way to change this here strife was to endeavour to create feelin’s o’ love betwixt the parties; but how to get ’em to like each other, instead of to lick each other, was the difficulty. ‘If I can make ’em believe each other’s affection, I shall make a reg’lar Cupid and physic business of it,’ thought I. But how could I make ’em believe? Where was the proof? I had always heard as jealousy was a proof o’ love; so I determined to make ’em as jealous as was possible. Well, I took a ’casion to hint to master as missus was unkimmonly amiable to Brisket, the butcher over the way; and, although Brisket, the butcher over the way, warn’t no more a object o’ love nor a rhinoceros, I could see master’s one eye flashin’ about like a bundle o’ crackers in a kitchen fire; and he told me to watch their canouvres and ’municate to him any thing as was likely to interfere wi’ his conjugalities; and, as a more nor ordinary mark o’ his ’preciation o’ my regard for his matrimonial blessedness, he took me a punch o’ the head twice as hard as ever he’d given me afore.”
“You had the luck of it!” remarked his companion.
“Then I went to missus, and, in the most delicatest manner as could be, I gave her to suppose that there was a monstrous deal o’ improperiety going forard betwixt master and Mrs. Brisket, the butcher’s wife over the way; and, although Mrs. Brisket, the butcher’s wife over the way, was about as good looking as a toad-fish, missus seemed quite done brown o’ both sides; and, tellin’ me to gi’ her due notice o’ their clandasterous proceedin’s, she fetched me a box o’ the ear, as made the inside o’ my head seem turned into curds and whey. Well, I continued this sort o’ game till, if jealousy be a proof o’ love, they ought to ha’ been convinced beyond a doubt, and, as a matter o’ course, should have been as lovin’ as turtle-doves: but, ’straordinary to relate, he punched her head, and she boxed his ears, more earnestly than ever, all the time throwing out ’sinuations that stirred each other up into the most tarnationest fury. One unfortunit day, when I was workin’ away in the shop, and they were workin’ away in the same place, they suddenly stopped their hands to make use o’ their tongues.
“‘I knows your goin’s on over the way, you wretch,’ squeaked missus.
“‘And I knows your goin’s on over the way, you trollope,’ bawled master.
“‘I’ll kill that woman,’ cried one.
“‘And I’ll murder Brisket!’ said the other.
“‘It’s false, you villain! I defy you to prove your words. But you know my suspicions are well founded,’ exclaimed the wife.
“‘It’s false, you hussy! and you know it,’ shouted the husband.
“‘I had the intelligence from the best authority, sir.’
“‘I had mine from a source that dared not deceive me, madam.’
“‘Who told you?’ was simultaneously asked by both; and ‘Boggle!’ was the reply in almost the same breath. Immediately they turned upon me. I could see master’s eye lookin’ at me as if he was about to walk down my throat; and missus—but it’s only necessary to say that I made a sudden bolt between master’s legs, managed to tumble him over her; and while they were sprawlin’ together, I was crossin’ all manner o’ streets, at a pace that sent every body out o’ my way. That was the end o’ my ’prenticeship; and thus my good intentions were so ’bominably frusterated.”
“And what did you do then?” inquired Climberkin.
“I went to live wi’ an uncle,” replied Boggle. “He kept a knife-and-forkery. Meat of all kinds, ready cooked, was waiting for the hungry at any hour, with vegetables in season and out o’ season; soups of all sorts, and some of very strange sorts; with mustard, bread, pepper, and salt. I continued at this business a considerable time, and liked it much better nor the ship carpenterin’; and I gained a good many ’ticular notions o’ things in general: indeed, I may say, without any sinnivation against the sort o’ meat we sold, as how I became a slap bang judge o’ horse-flesh. I still continued ’deavourin’ to set things right as was goin’ t’other way; but the same sort o’ fun al’ays happened as when I ’tempted to make jealousy become a proof o’ love: I got no more gratitude nor would serve a flea to lie down upon. Well, it so happened as our customers was frequently in the habit o’ complainin’ o’ dyspepsia. Every body had dyspepsia: long or short, little or big, fat or lean, every mortal cretur talked o’ nothin’ else but his dyspepsia. Some said it was all acause o’ their diet, and they detarmined to make a reg’lar change in their eatables; so havin’ been used to nothin’ else but mutton and beef, they directly began to eat nothin’ else but beef and mutton. And some said it was one thing, and some said it was another; and some said it was just exactly neither. Now, I knowed about as much o’ dyspepsia as I did o’ the top o’ the moon; but I seed as there was a screw loose somewhere, and I was nat’rally anxious to put it in proper order. So I got hold of a book as gived explanations in the most popular incomprehensible manner about diet and regimen, and what you should eat and what you shouldn’t eat; and how much you might put in your bread-room, and how much you might let alone; and there I met with the whole complete circumbendibus about dyspepsia.”
“And what was it?” inquired his companion.
“Why, I can’t exactly say what it was,” replied Boggle, “acause the book didn’t exactly tell me; but I found out as every fellow as had it should be reg’lar as clock-work in his eatables, and should have no more nor a sartain quantity at no time. So I began ’deavourin’ to cure the dyspepsia. I hadn’t the power to make ’em reg’late their jaw tackle accordin’ to the book; but I took precious good care as every one should have a sartain quantity. Whether a fellow could eat a horse, or hadn’t a appetite no more nor a blue bottle, I sarved ’em all wi’ a sartain quantity. Acause why? It was good for their dyspepsia. But they kicked up such a bobbery! The big eaters got into a devourin’ rage, and they left the shop, swearing I was a tryin’ to pick their pockets. Ungrateful wretches! I was only a tryin’ to cure their dyspepsia. And the little eaters were so very few in comparison, that, if they had remained satisfied wi’ my treatment, their custom would have been of no sort o’ significance; but, acause I gived them more nor their money’s worth, they quitted the place, saying it was too cheap to be good, and that I was only a wantin’ to poisen ’em. Ignorant creturs! I was only a wantin’ to cure their dyspepsia! Well, my uncle was in a reg’lar take in at the loss o’ his business: it put him into as complete a botheration as ever you seed. He was a man o’ very few words, but was unkimmon handy upon occasions; and, seein’ or fancyin’ summut wasn’t correct, he watched my goin’s on; and one day he cotched me a sarving out a sartain quantity to a fellow who didn’t want quite so much. So he axed me what I was arter; and I up and I told him all about the dyspepsia; and all about my attemptin’ to cure it; and all about my sarvin’ out a sartain quantity to every body as comed to the shop. Well, afore I’d got to the end o’ my story, my uncle, in the most unnat’ral way as could be, took up a stick as was handy, and he sarved me out wi’ a sartain quantity, till I was obligated to make all sail out o’ the shop.”
“Accordin’ to my notions, it wasn’t a bit more nor you deserved,” remarked the unsympathising Climberkin.
“What, not for trying to cure the dyspepsia!” loudly exclaimed the other.
“Not for trying to cure nothin’,” was the reply. “But what became o’ you arter that?”
“Why, my friends thought my notions o’ things in general not likely to come to no good ashore, so they took it into their heads to send me afloat,” responded his companion. “My first voyage lasted long enough to give me a tolerable smartish insight into the nautical; but I was continually wantin’ to set things right, and my good intentions were as continually a sarving me out wi’ a sartain quantity. Now, this might ha’ made any fellow but me tired o’ tryin’ to benefit his fellow-creturs: but I wasn’t a chap o’ that sort; and I still went on, as sarcumstances required, ’tempting to do lots o’ good, and gettin’ in return nothin’ but lots o’ bad. Well, when I came ashore in my native place, I was rather a hold-your-head-up sort o’ young chap; and, havin’ some money to spend, I swaggered about the streets most consumedly, and fancied as every gal I cotched sight on was thinkin’ o’ nothin’ in natur’ but lookin’ arter me. So I thought as a matter o’ course I’d look arter them. I just did. As I had ’ticular notions o’ things in general, as every man as is a man, and thinks like a man, should have, I thought it would be cruel to the rest o’ the she creturs if I confined my attentions to one: consequently, I went a courtin’ away like a steam-engine to all as I could meet. I had ’em o’ all sorts and sizes, colours and complexions—scraggy or squab—longs or shorts—it made not a bit o’ difference—as long as they were inclined to be fond o’ me, I was inclined to be fond o’ them. I had the best intentions—I thought o’ nothin’ but makin’ ’em happy; and the more happiness as I could make, the more good I thought I was a doing. Well, somehow or other, things began to look queer, and every one on ’em was a wantin’ me to marry ’em. Now, there was a law again a fellow marryin’ more nor one wife; and I knew as if I married one it would be unkimmonly unjust to the rest. This my ’ticular notion o’ things in general wouldn’t allow. I still entertained the best intentions; so thinkin’ as if they knowed the rights o’ the case they would see the impossibility o’ my agreein’ to their wishes, I, unbeknown to the others, invited every one to meet me under a large tree, a little way out o’ the town, in the branches o’ which I hid myself very snug, to diskiver the upshot. First one came—then came another—and number one looked at number two in all sorts o’ ways. Then came a third, and the two looked at number three in all sorts o’ ways. Then came a fourth, a fifth, a sixth—ay, I may as well acknowledge at once as how they came to a matter o’ twenty; and they all looked at one another in all sorts o’ ways. At last, one on ’em, as I knowed to be a bit o’ a spit-fire, spoke up.
“‘Ladies,’ says she, ‘may I ask what brought you all here?’
“‘I came to meet Boggle,’ said one.
“‘I came to meet Boggle,’ said another.
“‘I came to meet Boggle,’ said all.
“‘You came to meet Boggle, you hussy!’ exclaimed every one in the whole lot; and, in less than a jiffy, caps flew about, dresses were torn, and there was the most considerable shindy that ever was known in this here univarsal world. Now, I had the best intentions. I only thought o’ creatin’ as much happiness as I could. I never had no suspicion as my notions o’ things in general could ha’ led to such a revolution. And when I seed ’em all one a top o’ t’ other, a pummelling, a scratching, and screeching like so many wild cats, I was taken quite comical; and, missing my hold upon the bough, I tumbled right down into the very midst on ’em. Directly as they caught eyes o’ me they left off fighting. ‘I shall settle the matter comfortably at last,’ thought I. Miserable Boggle that I was! how I did deceive myself! In the next moment they all flew at me like a lot o’ tigers, and they scratched me up, and they scratched me down, and they scratched me sideways—they pulled every hair out o’ my head, and they tore my clothes into bits not big enough to cover a pincushion; and they didn’t leave my unfortunate body till they thought they had killed me out and out.”
“I should think that ought to have sickened you o’ goin’ a courtin’,” remarked Climberkin, unable to restrain his mirth.
“Sickened!” exclaimed the other; “the very sight o’ a she cretur makes me as good as done for. Why, I was obliged to be laid up in lavender for a month. I became as tender as a chicken, and every bone I possessed seemed to have been smashed into porridge. And this was all in return for my ’deavourin’ to make ’em happy! If this arn’t a most ungrateful world I’m a nigger!”
“And what followed this adventure?” inquired his companion.
“Oh, don’t ask me!” replied Boggle, very gravely: “I haven’t the heart to go on. But it was all the same. Still from time to time I thought o’ setting things to rights; and on every ’portunity I was rewarded for my good intentions wi’ exactly a similar sort o’ treatment.”
“Here comes the governor!” said the other, as he noticed Oriel and his party approaching; and the two young men hastily left their seats on the gun-carriage to attend to their duty in the ship.
“What coast is this, captain,” asked the young merchant, pointing to the shore that lay at the distance of a few miles.
“That is the coast of Arabia,” replied Hearty.
“A part of the world rendered particularly interesting to the philosopher by the many important incidents which, from the early history of the world, have there occurred,” added the professor. “Here the chariots of Pharaoh, pursuing the fugitive Jews, were ingulfed in the waters of the Red Sea; and yonder is the land where, after their escape, the children of Israel wandered during their weary pilgrimage.”
“Yes, the religion of Moses may be said to have had its origin here; and here, also, the religion of Mahomet was created, don’t you see,” remarked the doctor. “This is the land of Mecca and Medina: this is the land which, during the darkness of the middle ages, evinced the first dawn of civilisation that gave light to the world—the land of Arabian literature—of Arabian chivalry—of Arabian science and art. I cannot say that I honour the character of their prophet; and I detest the way in which his religion was promulgated as I detest every religion or every form of faith that may be called a religion, which has had its foundation upon bloodshed, rapine, and persecution. But, looking to the effects produced by the diffusion of the absurdities of the Koran wherever the arms of the Mahometans could penetrate, I must say that it has created more good than many religions which have since obtained more consideration.”
“What! shall the Barbarians who destroyed the Alexandrian library be held up to admiration?” exclaimed Fortyfolios, indignantly. “Shall they who desolated wherever they went, among those who would not acknowledge their pretended prophet, be considered benefactors to their species? I cannot think you are in earnest, Doctor Tourniquet.”
“But I am in earnest, don’t you see,” replied the doctor. “I would take and compare the state of Mahometanism in Arabia, with the state of Christianity at the same time in any part of the world—suppose we say from the commencement of the seventh century, during the rule of the Abbaside caliphs, till as late as the reign of the Ommeyide caliphs in Spain?”
“But we must look to the opposite shore for the land from which all intelligence proceeded,” observed the professor. “Egypt was the cradle of the arts and sciences; and her advances in knowledge preceded those of Arabia by many centuries.”
“And, doubtless, the advances made in India and China preceded those of Egypt by about the same time, don’t you see,” added the doctor. “If we would seek the origin of philosophy, we must, of course, find it among the first people; and there is every reason to suppose that the earliest inhabitants of this globe were located in India.”
“That is doubtful,” replied Fortyfolios. “But the Egyptians are at least entitled to the credit of having, at an early period, carried the mechanical arts to purposes the magnitude of which have never been exceeded; and the degree of excellence they attained in philosophy and learning is sufficient to make us regard them with a profound veneration.”
“We can only judge of the tree by the fruit, don’t you see,” responded Tourniquet. “All I know is, that the Egyptians distinguished themselves by erecting the most magnificent fooleries that had ever been conceived. Of what use were their pyramids—their colossal statues and stupendous monuments—their gigantic idols—their vast temples, and elaborate sculptures? Superior knowledge did exist certainly, for they were the teachers of the Jews and of the Greeks; and, although the latter surpassed their instructors, they have still a claim upon our admiration. But the priests were the depositors of this knowledge, and they wrapped it up in mystery so cleverly, that it was of no use to the people, among whom it ought to have been distributed, and was of just the same advantage to posterity when both priests and people were crumbling into dust.”
“Are we not approaching the grand water communication that carries the Red Sea into the Mediterranean?” inquired Oriel Porphyry.
“Ah! there’s some sense in that!” exclaimed the doctor. “It beats the wonders of Thebes to nothing; and yet there could not have been more labour employed upon it than must have been used to erect that vast city.”
“Under what circumstances did it originate?” asked the young merchant.
“After the Russians had made themselves masters of Constantinople,” said Fortyfolios, “the Turkish empire gradually dwindled into insignificance; but the territory of their conquerors had become so immense, that it was impossible, even at the expense of a military power scarcely ever equalled, to keep it together. Symptoms of dissolution began to show themselves. The native Russians, who had gradually risen from a state of abject servitude to one in which a strong love of liberty became its greatest characteristic, grew restless and dissatisfied with their government, and were continually endeavouring to force it to become more liberal. The frequent disturbances which arose in consequence kept the country very unsettled; and there was a powerful party in the state, that, being opposed to the policy of those in authority, aided in creating the public disaffection. At this time, when the government was fully employed by its own internal disorganisation, several of the conquered provinces threw off their allegiance. Of these, the most successful were Poland and Greece. There arose amongst the Greeks a man of extraordinary valour, wisdom, and soldiership, who, from the petty leader of an insurrection, had become the chief of the national armies; and, having succeeded in driving the Russians from his country, was unanimously elected its king. But the independence of Greece did not satisfy the ambition of this conqueror. He knew that the military ardour of his countrymen required to be constantly exercised; and, leaving his kingdom to the wisdom of his counsellors, he led a mighty armament into the enemy’s possessions in Turkey. Battle after battle was here fought with the same result. The heroic Greeks drove all before them; besieged and took Constantinople, in which they planted a colony; conquered their way through Asia Minor, and, entering the subjected province of Persia, excited the inhabitants to revolt: nor did they desist from their triumphant career till they had become masters of the walls of Petersburgh. At the same time the Poles, having taken up arms, they not only succeeded in relieving their country from the iron bondage in which it had so long been enslaved, but, in concert with the Greeks, invaded the lands of their conquerors, and in many a sanguinary battle revenged the wrongs they had endured.”
“Did the Greek conqueror stop when he had subdued the Russians?” inquired Oriel Porphyry, who seemed to listen with intense interest.
“No conqueror will halt in his career while he imagines there is any thing to subdue,” replied Fortyfolios. “The devotion with which the Greeks regarded their chief gave him absolute power over the lives and liberties of his subjects, and they wanted no inducement to follow him in the pursuit of glory. Wherever he led they crowded to his standard. He had but to declare his wish and armies were at his command. At this period Egypt was a fertile and flourishing kingdom. The English and French had vainly endeavoured to subdue it. They had made conquests and formed settlements: but when these two great empires decayed, the conquests were given up, and the settlements abandoned. Since then, under its own rulers, the people had advanced in prosperity, and had become powerful among the surrounding nations. This country the Greeks invaded. They met with desperate resistance; but after a frightful destruction of human life, and making the prosperous kingdom a wilderness, they succeeded in bringing the Egyptians into subjection, and planted a colony near the mouths of the Nile. This new colony throve rapidly; as after the death of the conqueror a long interval of peace ensued, and the population increasing rapidly, thousands emigrated to the shores of Egypt and of Turkey. In little more than a century the colonies threw off the supremacy of the mother-country, and although many attempts were made to force them to acknowledge their dependency, they did not succeed, and now they have become free states, scarcely inferior in importance to the great empires of Columbia and Australia; while of the great European nations that flourished a thousand years ago, Spain, Italy, and Portugal, are in a semi-barbarous condition; France, after having tried a hundred different forms of government, is split into a dozen little republics, each trying to destroy the other, and all acknowledging the supremacy of the German empire, the most powerful of the European states, having a territory stretching from the Rhine to the Vistula and from the English channel to the Adriatic sea. The state of England you will be better able to comprehend during the visit you are about to make to its shores than any description I can give you: but I must return to the Greek colony in Egypt. Its population increased rapidly, and the intelligence of the people seemed to increase with their numbers. They built many new cities, but by far the largest and most magnificent of them is the city of Athenia, which was erected on the borders of the lake Menzaleb. The colonists having turned their attention to commerce, for many years had considered the advantages that would accrue to their city if they could open a communication with the Mediterranean on one side, and with the Gulf of Suez on the other. This idea, if it were practicable, they saw would give them facilities of traffic which no country could surpass; and all their thoughts were anxiously turned towards the realisation of this splendid scheme. But the project was so gigantic that the most skilful engineers pronounced it impracticable. At last, one more bold than the rest published a plan by which he said it might be accomplished, with an enormous capital, a considerable interval of time, and the application of immense labour. The plan was considered, and, after much discussion, approved of. Funds were collected, a multitude of labourers were employed, and the work commenced by cutting a broad channel through the Isthmus of Suez, and from the Lake to the Mediterranean. In twenty years from its commencement the waters mingled together, and in fifty years Athenia was one of the busiest sea-ports, and one of the most magnificent cities in the world.”
“And its inhabitants are the wisest and the happiest people on the globe, don’t you see,” added the doctor. “They allow no superstitious follies to cramp the energies of their minds. They act and think as become men and not slaves. Their laws are simple, few, and admirably adapted to their wants. Their sociality is perfect, their morality unrivalled, their intelligence exceeds that of any other people beneath the sun. As for their form of faith, nothing can equal its philosophy, for they maintain that philanthropy is the only religion, and that the true worship of God is doing good to man.”
“Those are the principles my father entertains,” observed the young merchant.
“They may truly be called a nation of philanthropists,” continued the surgeon. “There is philanthropy in their laws—there is philanthropy in their government—there is philanthropy in their dealings one with another. From the cradle to the grave the object of all is to teach good or to practise it; and such things as hate, deceit, envy, avarice, and all the black catalogue of vices that stain other nations are to them unknown.”
“They are a people worthy of being studied,” said Oriel.
“Studied! they ought to be got by heart, by every nation on the face of the globe, don’t you see,” replied Dr. Tourniquet. “There is nothing in nature so refreshing to the sight. It makes one in love with humanity. It dissolves all the freezing selfishness that the prejudices of education have created upon our feelings, and allows us to enjoy the sunshine and the gladness of a free and unalterable sympathy for all our race. It is under such circumstances, and under such only, that man becomes what he was created to be—a creature eminently happy, enjoying moderately all his inclinations, pleased with the pleasures of others, and liberally sharing his own: knowing neither fear, nor crime, nor want, nor folly; suffering from few diseases, and those only the most ordinary afflictions of existence; entertaining no idea of emulation but that of endeavouring to exceed one another in doing good; having no interest in any property apart from the interest of the community; possessing no attachment to any object or place which is not shared by those around him—and while looking neither to the past nor to the future with either hope or fear, endeavouring to make the present as beneficial to himself and others, as with a kind, a just, and a reasonable way of life the present can be made. And this is what I call a perfect state of society, don’t you see.”