Enter a Black Dog.
[She pricks her arm, which he sucks. Thunder and lightning.
Re-enter Cuddy Banks.
Cud. What’s that she mumbles? the devil’s paternoster? would it were else!—Mother Sawyer, good-morrow.
Cud. Nay, good Gammer Sawyer, whate’er it pleases my father to call you, I know you are—
M. Saw. A witch.
Cud. A witch? would you were else i’faith!
M. Saw. Your father knows I am by this.
Cud. I would he did.
M. Saw. And so in time may you.
Cud. I would I might else! But, witch or no witch, you are a motherly woman; and though my father be a kind of God-bless-us, as they say, I have an earnest suit to you; and if you’ll be so kind to ka me one good turn, I’ll be so courteous as to kob[427] you another.
Cud. My father! I am ashamed to own him. If he has hurt the head of thy credit, there’s money to buy thee a plaster [Gives her money]; and a small courtesy I would require at thy hands.
Cud. No, by no means; I am bewitched already: I would have thee so good as to unwitch me, or witch another with me for company.
Cud. As a pike-staff, mother. You know Kate Carter?
Cud. That same party has bewitched me.
M. Saw. Bewitched thee?
Cud. Bewitched me, hisce auribus. I saw a little devil fly out of her eye like a burbolt,[428] which sticks at this hour up to the feathers in my heart. Now, my request is, to send one of thy what-d’ye-call-’ems either to pluck that out, or stick another as fast in hers: do, and here’s my hand, I am thine for three lives.
Cud. Up to the very hilts, mother.
Cud. [Aside] I think she’ll prove a witch in earnest.—Yes, I could find in my heart to strike her three quarters deep in love with me too.
Cud. Truly, Mother Witch, I do verily believe so; and, when I see it done, I shall be half persuaded so too.
[She stamps on the ground; the Dog appears, and fawns, and leaps upon her.
Cud. Afraid, Mother Witch!—“turn my face to the west!” I said I should always have a back-friend of her; and now it’s out. An her little devil should be hungry, come sneaking behind me, like a cowardly catchpole, and clap his talons on my haunches—’Tis woundy cold, sure—I dudder and shake like an aspen-leaf every joint of me.
How now, my son, how is’t?
Cud. Scarce in a clean life, Mother Witch.—But did your goblin and you spout Latin together?
Cud. I heard I know not the devil what mumble in a scurvy base tone, like a drum that had taken cold in the head the last muster. Very comfortable words; what were they? and who taught them you?
M. Saw. A great learned man.
Cud. Learned man! learned devil it was as soon! But what? what comfortable news about the party?
M. Saw. Who? Kate Carter? I’ll tell thee. Thou knowest the stile at the west end of thy father’s peas-field: be there to-morrow night after sunset; and the first live thing thou seest be sure to follow, and that shall bring thee to thy love.
Cud. In the peas-field? has she a mind to codlings[429] already? The first living thing I meet, you say, shall bring me to her?
M. Saw. To a sight of her, I mean. She will seem wantonly coy, and flee thee; but follow her close and boldly: do but embrace her in thy arms once, and she is thine own.
Cud. “At the stile at the west end of my father’s peas-land, the first live thing I see, follow and embrace her, and she shall be thine.” Nay, an I come to embracing once, she shall be mine; I’ll go near to make at eaglet else. [Exit.
Enter Carter, Warbeck, and Somerton.
Car. How now, gentlemen! cloudy? I know, Master Warbeck, you are in a fog about my daughter’s marriage.
War. And can you blame me, sir?
Car. Nor you me justly. Wedding and hanging are tied up both in a proverb; and destiny is the juggler that unties the knot. My hope is, you are reserved to a richer fortune than my poor daughter.
War. However, your promise—
Car. Is a kind of debt, I confess it.
War. Which honest men should pay.
Car. Yet some gentlemen break in that point now and then, by your leave, sir.
Som. I confess thou hast had a little wrong in the wench; but patience is the only salve to cure it. Since Thorney has won the wench, he has most reason to wear her.
War. Love in this kind admits no reason to wear her.
Car. Then Love’s a fool, and what wise man will take exception?
Som. Come, frolic, Ned: were every man master of his own fortune, Fate might pick straws, and Destiny go a-wool-gathering.
War. You hold yours in a string, though: ’tis well; but if there be any equity, look thou to meet the like usage ere long.
Som. In my love to her sister Katherine? Indeed, they are a pair of arrows drawn out of one quiver, and should fly at an even length; if she do run after her sister.—
War. Look for the same mercy at my hands as I have received at thine.
Som. She’ll keep a surer compass; I have too strong a confidence to mistrust her.
War. And that confidence is a wind that has blown many a married man ashore at Cuckold’s Haven, I can tell you; I wish yours more prosperous though.
Car. Whate’er your wish, I’ll master my promise to him.
War. Yes, as you did to me.
Car. No more of that, if you love me: but for the more assurance, the next offered occasion shall consummate the marriage; and that once sealed—
Som. Leave the manage of the rest to my care. But see, the bridegroom and bride come; the new pair of Sheffield knives, fitted both to one sheath.
War. The sheath might have been better fitted, if somebody had their due; but—
Car. No harsh language, if thou lovest me. Frank Thorney has done—
War. No more than I, or thou, or any man, things so standing, would have attempted.
Enter Frank Thorney and Susan.
Som. Good-morrow, Master Bridegroom.
Som. Good Master Thorney—
Car. Nay, you shall not part till you see the barrels run a-tilt, gentlemen. [Exit with Somerton.
Enter Cuddy Banks with the Morris-dancers.
First Clown. Nay, Cuddy, prithee do not leave us now; if we part all this night, we shall not meet before day.
2nd Cl. I prithee, Banks, let’s keep together now.
Cud. If you were wise, a word would serve; but as you are, I must be forced to tell you again, I have a little private business, an hour’s work; it may prove but an half hour’s, as luck may serve; and then I take horse, and along with you. Have we e’er a witch in the morris?
1st Cl. No, no; no woman’s part but Maid Marian and the Hobby-horse.
Cud. I’ll have a witch; I love a witch.
1st Cl. ’Faith, witches themselves are so common now-a-days, that the counterfeit will not be regarded. They say we have three or four in Edmonton besides Mother Sawyer.
2nd Cl. I would she would dance her part with us.
3rd Cl. So would not I; for if she comes, the devil and all comes along with her.
Cud. Well, I’ll have a witch; I have loved a witch ever since I played at cherry-pit.[431] Leave me, and get my horse dressed; give him oats: but water him not till I come. Whither do we foot it first?
2nd Cl. To Sir Arthur Clarington’s first; then whither thou wilt.
Cud. Well, I am content; but we must up to Carter’s, the rich yeoman; I must be seen on hobby-horse there.
1st Cl. O, I smell him now!—I’ll lay my ears Banks is in love, and that’s the reason he would walk melancholy by himself.
Cud. Ha! who was that said I was in love?
1st Cl. Not I.
2nd Cl. Nor I.
Cud. Go to, no more of that: when I understand what you speak, I know what you say; believe that.
1st Cl. Well, ’twas I, I’ll not deny it; I meant no hurt in’t. I have seen you walk up to Carter’s of Chessum: Banks, were not you there last Shrovetide?
Cud. Yes, I was ten days together there the last Shrovetide.
2nd Cl. How could that be, when there are but seven days in the week?
Cud. Prithee peace! I reckon stila nova as a traveller; thou understandest as a fresh-water farmer, that never sawest a week beyond sea. Ask any soldier that ever received his pay but in the Low Countries, and he’ll tell thee there are eight days in the week[432] there hard by. How dost thou think they rise in High Germany, Italy, and those remoter places?
3rd Cl. Ay, but simply there are but seven days in the week yet.
Cud. No, simply as thou understandest. Prithee look but in the lover’s almanac: when he has been but three days absent, “O,” says he, “I have not seen my love these seven years:” there’s a long cut! When he comes to her again and embraces her, “O,” says he, “now methinks I am in Heaven;” and that’s a pretty step! He that can get up to Heaven in ten days need not repent his journey; you may ride a hundred days in a caroche,[433] and be further off than when you set forth. But, I pray you, good morris-mates, now leave me. I will be with you by midnight.
1st Cl. Well, since he will be alone, we’ll back again and trouble him no more.
All the Clowns. But remember, Banks.
Cud. The hobby-horse shall be remembered. But hark you; get Poldavis, the barber’s boy, for the witch, because he can show his art better than another. [Exeunt all but Cuddy.
Well, now to my walk. I am near the place where I should meet—I know not what: say I meet a thief? I must follow him, if to the gallows; say I meet a horse, or hare, or hound? still I must follow: some slow-paced beast, I hope; yet love is full of lightness in the heaviest lovers. Ha! my guide is come.
Enter the Dog.
A water-dog! I am thy first man, sculler; I go with thee; ply no other but myself. Away with the boat! land me but at Katherine’s Dock, my sweet Katherine’s Dock, and I’ll be a fare to thee. That way? nay, which way thou wilt; thou knowest the way better than I:—fine gentle cur it is, and well brought up, I warrant him. We go a-ducking, spaniel; thou shalt fetch me the ducks, pretty kind rascal.
Enter a Spirit vizarded. He throws off his mask, &c., and appears in the shape of Katherine.
Cud. Ay? is that the watchword? She’s come. [Sees the Spirit.] Well, if ever we be married, it shall be at Barking Church,[434] in memory of thee: now come behind, kind cur.
O, see, we meet in metre. [The Spirit retires as he advances.] What! dost thou trip from me? O, that I were upon my hobby-horse, I would mount after thee so nimble! “Stay, nymph, stay, nymph,” singed Apollo.
Nay, by your leave, I must embrace you. [Exit, following the Spirit.
[Within.] O, help, help! I am drowned, I am drowned!
Re-enter Cuddy wet.
Dog. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Cud. This was an ill night to go a-wooing in; I find it now in Pond’s almanac: thinking to land at Katherine’s Dock, I was almost at Gravesend. I’ll never go to a wench in the dog-days again; yet ’tis cool enough.—Had you never a paw in this dog-trick? a mange take that black hide of yours! I’ll throw you in at Limehouse in some tanner’s pit or other.
Dog. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Cud. How now! who’s that laughs at me? Hist to him! [The Dog barks.]—Peace, peace! thou didst but thy kind neither; ’twas my own fault.
Dog. Take heed how thou trustest the devil another time.
Cud. How now! who’s that speaks? I hope you have not your reading tongue about you?
Dog. Yes, I can speak.
Cud. The devil you can! you have read Æsop’s fables, then; I have played one of your parts then,—the dog that catched at the shadow in the water. Pray you, let me catechise you a little; what might one call your name, dog?
Dog. My dame calls me Tom.
Cud. ’Tis well, and she may call me Ass; so there’s an whole one betwixt us, Tom-Ass: she said I should follow you, indeed. Well, Tom, give me thy fist, we are friends; you shall be mine ingle:[435] I love you; but I pray you let’s have no more of these ducking devices.
Dog. Not, if you love me. Dogs love where they are beloved; cherish me, and I’ll do anything for thee.
Cud. Well, you shall have jowls and livers; I have butchers to my friends that shall bestow ’em: and I will keep crusts and bones for you, if you’ll be a kind dog, Tom.
Dog. Any thing; I’ll help thee to thy love.
Cud. Wilt thou? that promise shall cost me a brown loaf, though I steal it out of my father’s cupboard: you’ll eat stolen goods, Tom, will you not?
Dog. O, best of all; the sweetest bits those.
Cud. You shall not starve, Ningle[436] Tom, believe that: if you love fish, I’ll help you to maids and soles; I’m acquainted with a fishmonger.
Dog. Maids and soles? O, sweet bits! banqueting stuff those.
Cud. One thing I would request you, ningle, as you have played the knavish cur with me a little, that you would mingle amongst our morris-dancers in the morning. You can dance?
Dog. Yes, yes, any thing; I’ll be there, but unseen to any but thyself. Get thee gone before; fear not my presence. I have work to-night; I serve more masters, more dames than one.
Cud. He can serve Mammon and the devil too.