The Project Gutenberg eBook of Beaumont & Fletcher's Works (6 of 10):, by Francis Beaumont; John Fletcher.

Cra. Why Sir, the Kingdomes his, and no man now
Can come to Corinth or from Corinth go
Without his Licence; he puts up the tithes
Of every office through Achaia;
From Courtier to the Carter hold of him:
Our Lands, our Liberties, nay very Lives
Are shut up in his Closet, and let loose
But at his pleasure; Books, and all discourse
Have now no Patron, nor direction,
But glorified Euphanes: our Cups are guilty
That quench our thirsts, if not unto his health;
Oh, I could eat my heart, and fling away
My very Soul for anguish: gods, nor men
Should tollerate such disproportion.

The. And yet is he belov'd: whether't be virtue,
Or seeming virtue which he makes the cloak
To his ambition.

Cra. Be it which it will:
Your Highness is too tame, your eyes too film'd
To see this, and sit still: the Lion should not
Tremble to hear the bellowing of the Bull;
Nature excuse me, though he be my Brother,
You are my Countries Father, therefore mine:
One parallel line of Love I bend on him,
All lines of love and duty meet in you
As in their Center: therefore hear, and weigh
What I shall speak: You know the Queen your Mother
Did, from a private state your Father raise,
So all your Royalty you hold from her;
She is older than she was, therefore more doating,
And what know we but blindness of her love
(That hath from underneath the foot of fortune
Set even Euphanes foot, on fortunes head)
Will take him by the hand, and cry, Leap now
Into my bed; 'tis but a trick of age;
Nothing impossible.

The. What do you infer on this?

Cra. Your pardon Sir:
With reverence to the Queen; yet why should I
Fear to speak plain what pointeth to your good?
A good old Widow is a hungry thing,
(I speak of other Widows, not of Queens.)

The. Speak to thy purpose.

Cra. I approach it: Sir,
Should young Euphanes claspe the Kingdome thus,
And please the good old Lady some one night;
What might not she be wrought to put on you,
Quite to supplant your birth? neither is she
Past children as I take it.

The. Crates, Thou shak'st me;
Thou, that dost hate thy Brother for my love,
In my love find one; henceforth be my brother:
This Gyant I will fell beneath the earth;
I will shine out, and melt his artful wings:
Euphanes, from my mothers sea of favors
Spreads like a River, and runs calmly on,
Secure yet from my stormes; like a young pine
He grows up planted under a fair Oake,
Whose strong large branches yet do's shelter him,
And every Traveller admires his beauty;
But like a wind, I'l work into his crancks,
Trouble his stream, and drown all Vessels that
Ride on his Greatness: under my Mothers arms,
Like to a stealing tempest will I search,
And rend his root from her protection.

Cra. I, now Theanor speaks like Prince Theanor.

The. But how shall we provoke him to our snares?
He has a temper malice cannot move
To exceed the bounds of judgement; he is so wise,
That we can pick no cause to affront him.

Cra. No?
What better than his crossing your intent?
The suit I had to ye? Conons forfeit state
(Before he travel'd) for a Riot he
Hath from your Mother got restored to him:

The. Durst he? what is this Conon?

Cra. One that hath,
As people say, in foreign Countries pleasur'd him.

But now no more;
They have brought the Travellors I told you of,
That's the sweet youth, that is my Brothers Rivall,
That curles his head, for he has little hair,
And paints his vizor, for it is no face,
That so desires to follow you, my Lord:
Shew 'em some countenance, and it will beget
Our sport at least.

The. What villanous Crab-tree legs he makes!
His shins are full of true-love knots.

Cra. His legs were ever villanous, since I knew him.

Era. Faith his Uncles shanks are somewhat the better.

Nea. But is't possible he should believe he is not of age? why
He is 50, man, in's Jubile I warrant: s'light, he
Looks older then a groat, the very stamp on's face is
Worne out with handling.

Sos. Why I tell you all men believe it when they hear him speak,
He utters such single matter in so infantly a voice.

Nea. He looks as like a fellow that I have seen accommodate Gentlemen with Tobacco in our Theaters.

Onos. Most illustrious Prince.

Era. A pox on him, he is guelt, how he trebles!

Onos. I am a Gentleman a both sides.

Tut. He means (so't please your highness) both by Father and Mother.

Sos. Thou a Gentleman? thou an Ass.

Nea. He is nere the farther from being a Gent. I assure you.

Tut. May it please your Grace, I am another,

Nea. He is another Ass he says, I believe him.

Uncle. We be three, Heroicall Prince.

Nea. Nay then we must have the Picture of 'em, and the Word nos sumus.

Tut. That have travell'd all parts of the Globe together.

Unc. For my part, I have seen the vicissitude of fortune before.

Onos. Peace Uncle, for though you speak a little better than I

Nea. 'Tis a very little, in truth.

Onos. Yet we must both give place, as they say to the best Speaker,
The Tutor.

Tut. Yet since it hath pleased your radience to decline so low, as on us,
Poor and unworthy dunghils—

Nea. What a stinking knaves this!

Tut. Our Peregrination was nere so facilitated, as since we enter'd the line of your gracious favor, under whose beamy aspect, and by which infallible Mathematical compass, may we but hereafter presume to sail, our industries have reach't their desir'd termination and period; and we shall voluntarily sacrifice our lives to your resplendent eyes, both the Altars and fires of our devoted offerings.

Onos. Oh divine Tutor!

Cra. Can you hold Sir?

Era. He has spoken this very speech to some Whore in Corinth.

Nea. A plague on him for a fustian Dictionary; on my conscience this is the Ulissean Traveller that sent home his Image riding upon Elephants to the great Mogoll.

Sos. The same: his wit is so huge, nought but an Elephant could carry him.

Era. So heavy you mean.

Nea. These three, are ev'n the fin'st one fool tripartite, that was ere discovered.

Sos. Or a treatise of famine divided into three branches.

Era. The Prince speaks.

The. I thank ye for your loves; but as I told you,
I have so little means, to do for those
Few followers I have already, that
I would have none shiprack themselves, and fortune,
Upon my barren shelf: Sue to Euphanes.
For he is Prince, and Queen, I would have no man
Curse me in his old age.

Cra. Alass Sir, they desire to follow you
But a far off, the farther off the better.

Tut. I Sir, and't be seven mile off, so we may but follow you, only to countenance us in the confronts and affronts, which (according to your Highness will) we mean on all occasions to put upon the Lord Euphanes.

Onos. He shall not want gibing nor jeering, I warrant him, if he do, I'l forswear wit.

Nea. It has forsworn thee, I'l swear, it is the ancient enemy to thy house.

The. Well, be it so; I here receive ye; for my followers a great way off.

Nea. Seven miles, my Lord, no further.

Onos. By what time, Sir, (by this measure) may I come to follow him in his Chamber?

Nea. Why when his Chamber, Sir, is seven miles long.

Gent. Make way there for my Lord Euphanes.

Cra. Look Sir, Jove appears,
The Peacock of our State, that spreads a train
Brighter than Iris blushes after rain.

Euph. You need not thank me Conon, in your love
You Antidated what I can do for you,
And I, in gratitude, was bound to this,
And am to much more: and what ere he be
Can with unthankfulness assoile me, let him
Dig out mine eyes, and sing my name in verse,
In Ballad verse, at every drinking house,
And no man be so charitable to lend me
A Dogg to guide my steps.

Nea. Haile to Euphanes.

Sos. Mighty Euphanes.

Era. The great Prince Euphanes.

Tut. Key of the Court, and Jewell of the Queen.

Unc. Sol in our Firmament.

Onos. Pearl in the States eye.

Nea. Being a black man.

Era. Mistress of the Land.

Nea. Our humble, humble poor Petitions are,
That we may hold our places.

All. May we?

Euph. Yes; be you malicious knaves still; and you fools.

Con. This is the Princes, and your brothers spight.

Euph. I know't, but will not know it.

Con. Yonder they are.
Who's fine child's this?

Unc. Sir.

Ones. Unckle le'be,
Let him alone, he is a mighty Prince.

Euph. I ask your Highness pardon: I protest
By Jupiter I saw you not.

The. Humh, it may be so,
You have rais'd such mountaines 'twixt your eyes and me,
That I am hidden quite: what do ye mean Sir?
You much forget your self.

Euph. I should much more,
Not to remember my due duty to your Grace;
I know not wherein I have so transgress'd
My service to your Highness, to deserve
This rigour and contempt, not from you only
But from your followers, with the best of whom
I was an equal in my lowest ebbe:
Beseech you Sir, respect me as a Gentleman,
I will be never more in heart to you:
Five fair Descents I can derive my self,
From Fathers worthy both in Arts and Armes.
I know your goodness companies your greatness
But that you are perverted: Royal Sir,
I am your humblest subject, use your pleasure,
But do not give protection to the wrongs
Of these subordinate Slaves, whom I could crush
By that great destined favor, which my Mistris
And your majestick Mother deignes to me,
But in respect of you: I know lean envy
Waites ever on the steps of virtue advanc'd:
But why your Mothers grace gets me disgrace,
Or renders me a slave to bear these wrongs
I do not know.
Oh Mediocrity,
Thou prizeless jewel, only mean men have
But cannot value; like the precious Jem,
Found in the Mukhill by the ignorant Cock.

The. Your creamy words, but cozen: how durst you
Intercept me so lately to my Mother?
And what I meant your Brother, you obtain'd
Unto the forfeitoe again.

Cra. Your answer to that my Lord, my Brother.

Euph. May I perish
If ere I heard you intended such a suit,
Though 'twould have stuck an ignominious brand
Upon your Highness, to have given your servant
A Gentlemans whole state of worth and quality,
Confiscate only for a youthful brawle.

The. Your rudiments are too sawcy: teach your Page.

Con. I, so are all things but your flatterers.

Onos. Hold you your prating.

Con. You know where you are, you fleeten face.

Euph. Yet Sir, to appease and satisfie your anger.
Take what you please from me, and give it him
In lieu of this: you shall not take it neither,
I freely will impart it, half my state,
Which Brother if you please—

Cra. Ile starve in Chains first,
Eat my own armes.

Euph. Oh that you saw your self:
You ne'r made me such offer in my poorness,
And 'cause (to do you ease) I sought not to you.
You thus maligne me; yet your nature must not
Corrupt mine, nor your rude examples lead me:
If mine can mend you, I shall joy; you know
I fear you not: you have seen me proved a man
In every way of fortune, 'tis my comfort
I know no more such Brothers in the World
As Crates is.

Con. Nor I such as Euphanes:
The temper of an Angel reigns in thee.

Euph. Your Royal Mother Sir, (I had forgot)
Entreats your presence.

The. You have done her errand,
I may do yours. [Exit.

Euph. Let it be truth my Lord.

Con. Crates, Ile question you for this.

Cra. Pish, your worst. [Exit.

Con. Away you hounds after your scent.

Onus. Come, we'll scorn to walk to'm: now they are gone,
We'l away too. [Exeunt.

Con. Why bear you this my Lord?

Euph. To shew the passive fortitude the best;
Vertue's a solid Rock, whereat being aym'd
The keenest darts of envy, yet unhurt
Her Marble Heroes stand, built of such Bases,
Whilst they recoyle, and wound the Shooters faces.

Con. My Lord, the Queen.

Quee. Gentle Euphanes, how,
How do'st thou honest Lord? oh how I joy
To see what I have made, like a choyce Workman,
That having fram'd a Master-piece, doth reap
An universal commendation.
Princes are Gods in this. I'll build thee yet
(The good foundation so pleases me)
A story or two higher; let dogs bark,
They are fools that hold them dignified by blood,
They should be only made great that are good.

Euph. Oraculous Madam.

Quee. Sirrah, I was thinking
If I should marry thee, what merry tales
Our neighbour Islands would make of us;
But let that pass, you have a Mistriss
That would forbid our Banes: troth I have wish'd
A thousand times that I had been a man,
Than I might sit a day with thee alone,
And talk,
But as I am I must not; there's no skill
In being good, but in not being thought ill.
Sirrah, who's that?

Euph. So't please your Majesty
Conon, the friend I su'd for.

Quee. 'Tis dispatch'd.

Con. Gracious Madam.
I owe the gods and you my life.

Quee. I thank you,
I thank you heartily; and I do think you
A very honest man, he says you are:
But now I'll chide thee; what's the cause my Son,
For my eye's every where, and I have heard,
So insolently do's thee Contumelies
Past sufferance (I am told) yet you complain not,
As if my justice were so partial
As not to right the meanest: credit me,
I'll call him to a strict account, and fright,
By his example, all that dare curb me
In any thing that's just: I sent you for him.

Euph. Humbly he did return, he would wait on you:
But let me implore your Majesty, not to give
His Highness any check, for worthless me;
They are Court canckers, and not Counsellors
That thus inform you: they do but hate the Prince,
And would subvert me: I should curse my fortune
Even at the highest, to be made the ginne
To unscrew a Mothers love unto her Son:
Better had my pale flame in humble shades
Been spent unseen, than to be raised thus high,
Now to be thought a meteor to the State,
Portending ruine and contagion:
Beseech you then rest satisfi'd, the Prince
Is a most noble natur'd Gentleman,
And never did to me but what I took
As favors from him, my blown billowes must not
Strive 'gainst my shore, that should confine me, nor
Justle with Rocks to break themselves to pieces.

Quee. Well, thou'rt the composition of a god:
My Lion, Lamb, my Eaglet, and my Dove,
Whose soul runs clearer then Dianas Fount,
Nature pick'd several flowers from her choyce banks
And bound them up in thee, sending thee forth
A Posie for the bosome of a Queen.

Lady. The Prince attends you.

Quee. Farewell my good Lord.
My honest man; stay, hast no other suit?
I prethee tell me; Sirrah, thine eye speaks
As if thou hadst: out with it modest fool.

Euph. With favor Madam, I would crave your leave
To Marry, where I am bound in gratitude,
The immediate means she was to all my Being:
Nor do I think your wisdom sacred Queen
Fetters in favors, taking from me so
The liberty that meanest men enjoy.

Quee. To marry? you are a fool: thou'st anger'd me:
Leave me, I'll think on't: [Exit Euph. and Conon.
Only to try thee this, for though I love thee,

I can subdue my self: but she that can
Enjoy thee, doth enjoy more than a man.
Nay rise without a blessing, or kneel still:
What's Sir the reason you oppose me thus,
And seek to darken what I would have shine?
Eclipse a fire much brighter than thy self,
Making your Mother not a competent Judge
Of her own actions?

The. Gracious Madam, I
I have done no more than what in royalty
(And to preserve your fame) was fit to do:
Heard you the peoples talk of you, and him
You favor so, his greatness, and your love,
The pitty given to me, you would excuse me,
They prate as if he did dishonor you:
And what know I, but his own lavish tongue
Has uttered some such speeches; he is call'd
The King of Corinth.

Quee. They are traitors all:
I wear a Christal casement 'fore my heart,
Through which each honest eye may look in to't:
Let it be prospect unto all the world,
I care not this.

The. This must not be my way;
Your pardon gracious Madam: these incitements
Made me not shew so clear a countenance
Upon the Lord Euphanes as I would:
Which since your Majesty affects so grievously
I'll clear the black cloud of it, and henceforth
Vow on this knee all love and grace to him.

Quee. Rise with my blessing, and to prove this true,
Bear him from me this Cabinet of Jewels
In your own person, tell him, for his marrying
He may dispose him how, and when he please. [Exit Quee.

The. I shall discharge my duty and your will. Crates?

Cra. I have heard all my Lord, how luckely
Fate pops her very spindle in our hands:
This Marriage with Beliza you shall cross,
Then have I one attempt for Lamprias more
Upon this Phaeton: where's Merione's Ring,
That in the Rape you took from her?

The. 'Tis here.

Cra. In and affect our purpose; you my Lord
Shall disobey your Mothers charge, and send
This Cabinet by some servant of her own,
That what succeeds may have no reference
Unto your Highness.

The. On, my engine on.

Cra. Now, if we be not struck by Heavens own hand,
We'l ruine him, and on his ruines stand. [Exeunt.

Scæna Secunda.

Weep no more, nor sigh nor groan
Sorrow calls no time that's gone
Violets pluck'd, the sweetest raine
Makes not fresh nor grow again;
Trim thy locks, look cheerefully
Fates hidd' ends, eyes cannot see.
Joyes as winged dreams fly fast
Why should sadness longer last.
Grief is but a wound to woe
Gent'lest fair, mourne, mourne no moe.

Ag. These heavy Ayres feed sorrow in her Lady,
And nourish it too strongly; like a Mother
That spoiles her Child with giving on't the will.

Court Ladies laugh, and wonder. Here is one
That weeps because her Maiden head is gone
Whilst you do never frett, nor chafe, nor cry
But when too long it keeps you company,
Too well you know, Maids are like Towns on fire
Wasting themselves, if no man quench desire.
Weep then no more fool: a new Maidenhead
Thou suffer'st loss of, in each chast tear shed.

Bel. Some lighter note.

Leo. How like a hill of Snow she sits, and melts
Before the unchast fire of others lust!
What heart can see her passion and not break?

Ag. Take comfort gentle Madam; you know well
Even actual sins committed without will,
Are neither sins nor shame, much more compell'd;
Your honor's no whit less, your Chastity
No whit impair'd, for fair Merione
Is more a Virgin yet then all her Sex:
Alass, 'tis done; why burne these Tapers now?
Wicked and frantick Creatures joy in night.

Leo. Imagine faire Merione had dream'd
She had been ravish'd, would she sit thus then
Excruciate?

Mer. Oh.

Bel. Fye, fye, how fond is this!
What reason for this surfeit of remorse?
How many that have done ill and proceed,
Women that take degrees in wantonness,
Commence, and rise in rudiments of Lust,
That feel no scruple of this tenderness?

Mer. Pish.

Bel. Nor are you matchless in mishap, even I
Do bear an equal part of misery;
That love, belov'd, a man the Crown of men,
Whom I have friended, and how raised 'tis better
That all do know and speak it than my self:
When he sail'd low I might have made him mine,
Now at his full gale, it is questionable
If ever I o're-take him.

Ag. Wherefore sits
My Phebe shawdowed in a sable cloud?
Those pearly drops which thou let's fall like beades,
Numbring on them thy vestal Orisons
Alas are spent in vain: I love thee still,
In mids't of all these showres thou sweetlier sent'st,
Like a green Meadow on an April day,
In which the Sun and west-wind play together,
Striving to catch and drink the balmy drops.

Ser. The Lord E[u]phanes Madam. [Exit Mer.

Ag. Poor Merione,
She loathes the light, and men. [Exit.

Euph. The virtuous gods preserve my Mistriss.

Bel. O my most honor'd Lord, those times are chang'd.

Euph. Let times and men change, could Heaven change, Euphanes
Should never change, to be devoted ever
To fair Beliza, should my load of honors,
Or any Grace which you were Author of
Detract mine honor, and diminish Grace?
The gods forbid: you here behold your servant,
Your Creature, gentle Lady, whose sound sleeps
You purchas'd for him: whose food you paid for,
Whose garments were your charge, whose first preferment
You founded: then, what since the gracious Queen
Hath, or can rear, is upon your free Land,
And you are Mistris of.

Bel. Mock me not gentle Lord,
You shine now in too high a sphear for me,
We are Plannets now disjoyn'd for ever: yet
Poor superstitious innocent that I am,
Give leave that I may lift my hands, and love
Not in Idolatry, but perfect zeal:
For credit me, I repent nothing I have done,
But were it to begin would do the same.

Euph. There are two Seas in Corinth, and two Queens,
And but there, not two such in the spacious Universe;
I came to tender you the man you have made,
And like a thankful stream to retribute
All you my Ocean have enrich'd me with.
You told [me] once you'ld marry me.

Bel. Another mock? you were wont to play fair play,
You scorn poor helps; he that is sure to win,
May slight mean hearts, whose hand commands the Queen.

Euph. Let me be held the Knave through all the Stock
When I do slight my Mistris; you know well
The gracious inclination of the Queen,
Who sent me leave this morning to proceed
To marry as I saw convenience,
And a great gift of Jewels: Three days hence
The general sacrifice is done to Vesta,
And can you by then be accommodated
Your servant shall wait on you to the Temple.

Bel. Till now
I never felt a real joy indeed.

Euph. Here then I seal my duty, here my love,
Till which vouchsafe to wear this Ring, dear Mistris;
'Twas the Queens Token, and shall celebrate
Our Nuptialls.

Bel. Honour still raise, and preserve
My honor'd Lord, as he preserves all honor. [Exit Euph.

Ag. Why shift you places thus Merione,
And will not lend a word? Could'st thou so soon
Leave sorrow as the place, how blest were I,
But 'twill not be; grief is an impudent guest,
A follower every where, a hanger on,
That words nor blows can drive away.

Leo. Dear Sister.

Bel. Who can be sad? out with these Tragick Lights,
And let day repossess her natural howres:
Tear down these blacks, cast ope' the Casements wide,
That we may jocondly behold the Sun.
I did partake with sad Merione
In all her mourning: let her now rejoyce
With glad Beliza, for Euphanes is
As full of love, full of humility
As when he wanted.

Mer. Oh—that.

Leo. Help, she faints:
Her grief has broke her heart.

Mer. No—that—that.

Ag. Mistris, what point you at?
Her lamps are out, yet still she extends her hand
As if she saw something antipathous
Unto her virtuous life.

Leo. Still, still she points,
And her lips move, but no articulate sound
Breathes from 'em: Sister, speak, what moves you thus?

Bel. Her spirits return.

Mer. Oh, hide that fatal Ring,
Where had it you Beliza?

Bel. What hid fate
Depends on it? Euphanes gave it me
As holy pledge of future Mariage.

Mer. Then is Euphanes the foul Ravisher?
Let me speak this and dye. That dismal night
Which seal'd my shame upon me, was that Ring,
The partner of my rob'd virginity.

Leo. Euphanes?

Ag. Strange.

Bel. Impossible.

Mer. Impossible to have redress on him,
Chief servant to the Queen—ha! I have read
Somewhere I am sure, of such an injury
Done to a Lady: and how she durst dye. [Exit.

Ag. Oh follow her Beliza.

Bel. To assure her,
The unlikelihood of this. [Exit.

Ag. Love hides all sins.
What's to be done Leonidas?

Leo. Why this:
Amazement takes up all my faculties;
The plagues of gods and men will muster all
To avenge this tyranny. Oh frontless man,
To dare do ill, and hope to bear it thus:
First let's implore, then cure.

Ag. Who, who can trust
The gentle looks and words of two-fac'd man?
Like Corinths double torrent, you and I
Will rush upon the Land; nor shall the Queen
Defend this Villain in his villany:
Lusts violent flames can never be withstood
Nor quench'd, but with as violent streams of blood. [Exeunt.

Actus Quartus. Scæna Prima.

Ono. Thinks he to carry her and live.

Cra. It seems so,
And she will carry him the story says.

On. Well, hum—
Have I for this thou fair but falsest fair
Stretch'd this same simple leg over the Sea?
What though my bashfulness, and tender years,
Durst ne're reveal my affection to thy teeth?
Deep love ne're tatles, and (say they) loves bit
The deeper dip'd, the sweeter still is it.

Tut. Oh, see the power of Love: he speaks in ryme.

Cra. Oh, love would make a dog howle in ryme:
Of all the Lovers yet I have heard or read
This is the strangest: but his Guardian,
And you his Tutor should inform him better,
Thinks he, that love is answer'd by instinct?

Tut. He should make means,
For certain Sir, his bashfulness undo's him,
For from his Cradle h'had a shameful face.
Thus walks he night and day, eats not a bit,
Nor sleeps one jot, but's grown so humerous;
Drinks Ale, and takes Tobacco as you see;
Wear's a Steeletto at his Codpeece close,
Stabs on the least occasion: stroaks his beard,
Which now he puts i'th posture of a T.
The Roman T. your T. beard is the fashion,
And twifold doth express the enamour'd Courtier,
As full as your fork-carving Travellor.

On. Oh, black clouds of discontent invellop me,
Garters fly off: go Hatband, bind the browes
Of some dull Citizen that fears to ake:
And Leg appear now in simplicity
Without the tra[pp]ings of a Courtier:
Burst B[u]ttons, burst, your Bachelor is worm'd.

Cra. A worm-eaten Batchelor th'rt indeed.

On. And Devil melancholly possesses me now.

Unc. Cross him not in this fit I advise you Sir.

On. Dye crimson Rose, that didst adorn these cheeks,
For ytch of love is now broke forth on me.

Unc. Poor Boy, 'tis true: his wrists and hands are scabby.

On. Burn eyes out in your sockets, sink and stink:
Teeth I will pick ye to the very bones,
Hang hair like Hemp, or like the Isling Curs,
For never Powder, nor the Crisping-iron
Shall touch these dangling locks—oh—Ruby lips,
Love hath to you been like Wine-vinegar,
Now you look wan and pale, lips, ghosts ye are,
And my disgrace sharper than Mustard-seed.

Cra. How like a Chaundler he do's vent his passions,
Risum teneatis?

On. Well sung the Poet,
Love is a golden [b]ubo, full of Dreams:
That ripen'd breaks, and fills us with extreams.

Tut. A gold buble, pupill, Oh gross solæcisme
To chaster eares that understand the Latine.

On. I will not be corrected now:
I am in love, revenge is now the Cud
That I do chaw: I'll challenge him.

Cra. I marry Sir.

Unc. Your honor bids you Nephew, on, and prosper.

On. But none will bear it from me, times are dangerous.

Cra. Carry it your self man.

On. Tutor, your counsel: [I'll] do nothing Sir
Without him.

Unc. This may rid thee, (valiant Cuz.)
Whom I have kept this forty year my Ward:
Fain would I have his state, and now of late
He did inquire at Ephesus for his age,
But the Church Book being burnt with Dian's Temple
He lost his ayme: I have try'd to famish him,
Marry he'll live o'th stones: and then for Poysons,
He is an Antidote 'gainst all of 'em;
He sprung from Mithridates; he is so dry and hot,
He will eat Spiders faster than a Monkey:
His Maw (unhurt) keeps Quicksilver like a bladder,
The largest dose of Camphire, Opium,
Harmes not his Brain; I think his Skul's as empty
As a suckt Egg; Vitriol and Oyle of Tartar
He will eat tosts of: Henbane I am sure
And Hemlock I have made his Pot-herbs often.

Cra. If he refuse you, yours is then the honor:
If he accept, he being so great, you may
Crave both to choose the Weapon, time, and place,
Which may be ten years hence, and Calicut,
Or underneath the line to avoid advantage.

On. I am resolved.

Tut. By your favor Pupill,
Whence shall this challenge rise? for you must ground it
On some such fundamental base, or matter
As now the Gentry set their lives upon.
Did you ere cheat him at some Ordinary,
And durst he say so, and be angry? if thus,
Then you must challenge him: hath he call'd your whore,
Whore; though she be (beside yours) twenty mens?
Your honor, reputation is touched then,
And you must challenge him: Has he deny'd
On thirty damme's to accommodate money,
Though he have broke threescore before to you?
Here you must challenge him: Durst he ever shun
To drink two pots of Ale wi'ye? or to wench
Though weighty business otherwise importun'd?
He is a proud Lord,
And you may challenge him: Has he familiarly
Dislik'd your yellow Starch, or said your Dublet
Was not exactly frenchifi'd? or that, that report
In fair terms was untrue? or drawn your Sword,
Cry'd 'twas ill mounted? Has he given the lye
In circle, or oblique, or semi-circle,
Or direct parrallel? you must challenge him.

On. He never gave my direct apparrel the lye in's life.

Tut. But for the crown of all, Has he refus'd
To pledge your Mistris health though he were sick?