Title: John Leech's Pictures of Life and Character, Vol. 1 (of 3)
Creator: John Leech
Release date: July 21, 2014 [eBook #46349]
Most recently updated: October 24, 2024
Language: English
Credits: Produced by Chris Curnow, Wayne Hammond and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
file was produced from images generously made available
by The Internet Archive)
JOHN LEECH'S
PICTURES
OF
LIFE AND CHARACTER
From the Collection of "Mr. PUNCH."
*
LONDON:
BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., 8, 9, 10, BOUVERIE STREET, E.C.
1886.
LONDON:
BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS
Conductor. "WILL ANY GENT BE SO GOOD AS FOR TO TAKE THIS YOUNG LADY IN HIS LAP?"
Old Gentleman. "I WANT SOME SHAVING SOAP, MY GOOD LAD."
Boy. "YES, SIR, HERE'S AN HARTICLE I CAN RECOMMEND, FOR I ALWAYS USE IT MYSELF!"
Old Gent. "NOW, THEN, CABMAN, HOW MUCH TO THE STRAND?"
Cabman. "SIX SHILLIN'!"
Old Gent. "THAT'S TOO MUCH."
Cabman. "WELL: WHAT YOU PLEASE! IT'S TOO HOT TO DISPUTE ABOUT TRIFLES."
Old Gentleman (politely). "OH, CONDUCTOR! I SHALL FEEL GREATLY OBLIGED TO YOU IF YOU WOULD PROCEED, FOR I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT IN THE STRAND, AND I AM AFRAID I SHALL BE TOO LATE."
Conductor (slamming the door). "GO ON, JIM! HERE'S AN OLD COVE A CUSSIN AND A SWEARING LIKE ANY THINK!!!
Honourable Mr. Fiddle. "I WISH THAT CONCEITED ASS, FADDLE, WOULD GO!"
Captain Faddle. "THAT STUPID IDIOT, FIDDLE, NEVER KNOWS WHEN HE'S IN THE WAY!"
Rich Widow. "I SHALL BE UNCOMMONLY GLAD WHEN BOTH OF THESE SIMPLETONS TAKE THEIR DEPARTURE."
PERSONS REPRESENTED. SARAH-JANE. MATILDA.
Scene—Camblin Town.
Sarah-Jane. "OH! YOU 'ORRID DREADFUL STORY! I DIDN'T."
Matilda. "YOU DID NOW, FOR I SEE HIM. I SEE HIM KISS YER. AND HERE HAVE I BIN ENGAGED TO TOMMY PRICE FOR YEARS, AND NEVER SO MUCH AS WALKED ARM-IN-ARM WITH HIM!"
Gentleman (fond of dogs). "SAGACIOUS? OH, VERY! WHY, HE NEVER SEES AN OLD GENTLEMAN, BUT HE PULLS OFF HIS HAT AND RUNS AWAY WITH IT. HE'LL FETCH A DUCK OFF A POND; AND HE'S SUCH A NOTION OF TAKING CARE OF HIMSELF THAT HE COSTS ME FULL A GUINEA A WEEK FOR THE LEGS OF MUTTON HE STEALS."
Policeman. "HA! THAT'S THE WAY YOU DRINK THE BEER WHEN YOU'RE SENT OF A HERRAND?"
Genius. "AND THE RIGHT WAY TOO—AIN'T IT?"
Smith. "WELL, BROWN! THIS IS BETTER THAN BEING STEWED UP IN A RAILWAY! EH?"
Brown (faintly). "OH—IM-MEASURABLY SU-PERIOR."
Vulgar Little Boy. "OH, LOOK HERE, BILL! HERE'S A POOR BOY BIN AND HAD THE HINFLUENZA, AND NOW HE'S BROKE OUT ALL OVER BUTTONS AND RED STRIPES."
GALLOP AS HARD AS YOU CAN AMONGST THE LADIES. IT CREATES A SENSATION!!
Stable-Keeper (to little Gent). "SET TO KICKING, AND THEN BOLTED INTO A SHOP! DID HE, NOW? AH! HE ALWAYS WAS A LIGHT-'ARTED 'OSS."
"I TELL YER WHAT IT IS, SAM! IF THIS FOOL OF A DOG IS GOING TO STAND STILL LIKE THIS HERE IN EVERY FIELD HE COMES TO, WE MAY AS WELL SHUT UP SHOP, FOR WE SHAN'T FIND NO PARTRIDGES."
Gentleman (under the influence of White Bait). "WELL, OLD FELLA—REKLECT—PRESHENT COMPANY DINE HERE WITH ME EVERY MONDAY, THURSDAY, AN' SAT'DY—FRIDAY—NO—TOOSDAY, THURSDAY, AND SAT'DY—M:ND AN' DON' FORGET—I SAY—WHAT A GOOD FELLA YOU ARE—GREATEST 'STEEM AND REGARD FOR YOU, OLD FELLA!!!"
Omnibus Driver (addressing another). "YOU'RE A PRETTY FELLOW, YOU ARE. YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN? WHY, I'VE SEEN A BETTER MAN THAN YOU MADE OUT OF TEA-LEAVES!"
ALARMING SYMPTOMS AFTER EATING BOILED BEEF AND GOOSEBERRY PIE.
Little Boy. "OH, LOR, MAR, I FEEL JUST EXACTLY AS IF MY JACKET WAS BUTTONED."
Newspaper Boy (reads). "A GENTLEMAN IN THE N-E-I-G-H—NEIGHBOURHOOD OF——, HAS AT THE PRESENT TIME SEVERAL E-NORMOUS GOOSEBERRIES IN HIS GARDEN, WHICH MEASURE TEN INCHES IN C-I-R-CIR C-U-M-CUM F-E-R-FER E-N-C-E-ENCE CIRCUMFERENCE, AND ARE OF THE A-S-AS ASTON ASTONISHING WEIGHT OF THREE HOUNCES HEACH."
His Friend. "OH, WHAT WHOPPERS! WOULDN'T I LIKE A PINT!"
Harriet. "ST! ST! ST! DEAR ME, NOW, I'VE BROKEN MY COMB, AND ALL MY BACK HAIR'S COME DOWN. WHAT WITH BRUSHING, AND DRESSING, AND CURLING, AND ONE THING AND THE OTHER, WHAT A PLAGUE ONE'S HAIR IS TO BE SURE!"
Young Fellow. "WELL, HARRIET, WE ARE ALL BOTHERED WITH SOMETHING. LOOK AT US MEN; WE HAVE TO SHAVE EVERY MORNING, SUMMER AND WINTER!"
Mamma. "GEORGINA! GEORGINA!"
Georgina. "WELL, MA. HOW YOU DO FIDGET ONE!" Mamma. "SHOULDERS, MY LOVE; SHOULDERS! PRAY HOLD YOURSELF UP. YOU'RE STOOPING AGAIN DREADFULLY."
Chorus of Unprotected Females. "CONDUCTOR! STOP! CONDUCTOR! OMNIBUS-MAN! HERE'S A GENTLEMAN HAD AN ACCIDENT AND BROKE A JAR OF LEECHES, AND THEY'RE ALL OVER THE OMNIBUS!"
THE INDIVIDUAL WHO SENDS A FIFTY-POUND NOTE FOR UNPAID INCOME-TAX TO THE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER.
"NOW, THEN, SIR, JUMP UP ON THE ROOF, AND LOOK SHARP, PLEASE, SIR, HERE'S T'OTHER BUS A-COMING."
Waiter. "GENT IN NO. 4 LIKES A HOLDER AND A THINNER WINE, DOES HE? I WONDER HOW HE'LL LIKE THIS BIN?"
Harriet. "OH! I'M SO GLAD YOU ARE COME, BLANCHE! I'VE BEEN SO PERPLEXED I COULD SCARCELY SLEEP ALL NIGHT."
Blanche. "WELL! WHAT IS IT, DEAR?"
Harriet. "WHY, I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO HAVE MY NEW MERINO FROCK VIOLET OR DARK BLUE!"
Scene—A Café in Paris.
London Gent. "GARCONG! TAS DE CORFEE!"
Garçon. "BIEN, M'SIEU'—VOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ZEE 'TIMES'?"
London Gent. "HANG THE FELLER! NOW, I WONDER HOW THE DOOSE HE FOUND OUT I WAS AN ENGLISHMAN!"
Beautiful Being (who is all soul). "HOW GRAND, HOW SOLEMN, DEAR FREDERICK, THIS IS! I REALLY THINK THE OCEAN IS MORE BEAUTIFUL UNDER THIS ASPECT THAN UNDER ANY OTHER!"
Frederick (who has about as much poetry in him as a Codfish). "HM—AH! YES. PER-WAPS. BY THE WAY, BLANCHE—THERE'S A FELLA SWIMPING. S'POSE WE ASK HIM IF HE CAN GET US SOME PWAWNS FOR BWEAKFAST TO-MOWAW MORNING?"
Tom. "HOLLO, SAM, WHAT THE JUICE ARE YOU CARRYING OF?"
Sam. "'CLARISSA ARLO,' FOR MISSIS."
"LOR, SOOSAN! HOW'S A FELLER TO EAT MEAT SUCH WEATHER AS THIS? NOW, A BIT O' PICKLED SALMON AND COWCUMBER, OR A LOBSTER SALAD MIGHT DO."
GENTLEMEN,
OWING TO SUDDEN AND VERY SEVERE INDISPOSITION, I REGRET TO SAY THAT I SHALL NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND THE OFFICE TO-DAY. I HOPE, HOWEVER, TO BE ABLE TO RESUME MY DUTIES TO-MORROW.
I AM, GENTLEMEN,
YOURS VERY OBEDIENTLY,
PHILIP COX.
"SO YOU'VE TAKEN ALL YOUR STUFF, AND DON'T FEEL ANY BETTER, EH? WELL, THEN, WE MUST ALTER THE TREATMENT; YOU MUST GET YOUR HEAD SHAVED; AND IF YOU WILL CALL HERE TO-MORROW ABOUT ELEVEN, MY PUPIL HERE WILL PUT A SETON IN THE BACK OF YOUR NECK."
PORTRAIT OF THE BOY WHO WON THE PRIZE FOR "PUTTING A STONE" THROUGH A WINDOW.
Guard. "SOME ONE BEEN SMOKING, I THINK?"
Passenger. "WHAT! SMOKING! THAT'S VERY REPREHENSIBLE. PERHAPS IT WAS THE CLERICAL GENTLEMAN WHO HAS JUST GOT OUT OF THE NEXT COMPARTMENT."
Schoolmistress. "YOU SEE, MY LOVE—IF I PUNCTURE THIS INDIA-RUBBER BALL IT WILL COLLAPSE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
Child. "OH, YES, I UNDERSTAND—IF YOU PRICK IT, IT WILL GO SQUASH."
Old Lady. "NOW, ARTHUR, WHICH WILL YOU HAVE? SOME OF THIS NICE PUDDING, OR SOME JAM TART?"
Juvenile. "NO PASTRY, THANK-YE, AUNT. IT SPOILS ONE'S WINE SO. I DON'T MIND A DEVILLED BISCUIT, THO', BY-AND-BY, WITH MY CLARET."
Angelina (the Wife of his Bussum). "WELL, EDWIN, IF YOU CAN'T MAKE THE 'THINGS,' AS YOU CALL THEM, MEET, YOU NEED NOT SWEAR SO. IT'S REALLY QUITE DREADFUL."
Young Rapid. "YOU ARE QUITE SURE THIS IS THE CORRECT DRESS FOR A YOUNG FELLOW OF THAT PERIOD, EH?"
Mr. Noses. "OH, PERFECTLY CORRECT, SIR; AND REALLY LOOKS SPLENDID ON YER!"
Snip. "THAT'S A SWEET THING FOR A WAISTCOAT, SIR, AND WOULD LOOK UNCOMMON WELL UPON YOU, SIR!"
Betrothed (who does not dance the Polka). "I SHOULD LIKE TO PUNCH HIS HEAD—A CONCEITED BEAST!"
Alfred. "I SAY, FRANK, AREN'T YOU GOING TO HAVE SOME SUPPER?"
Frank. "A—NOT AT PRESENT. I SHALL WAIT TILL THE WOMEN LEAVE THE ROOM."
"THIS AIN'T SUCH A WERRY BAD IDEA, IS IT, JIM? HERE'S THE GREAT DIDDLESEX WRITES TO ME FOR FIVE BOB ON A HUNDRED AN' FIFTY SHARES; AND, TO SAVE TROUBLE, VANTS THE NAME OF MY SOLICITUR."
Medical Student. "WELL, OLD FELLOW, SO YOU'VE 'PASSED' AT LAST."
Consulting Surgeon. "YES; BUT I DON'T GET MUCH PRACTICE, SOMEHOW—ALTHOUGH I AM NEARLY ALWAYS AT HOME, IN CASE ANY ONE SHOULD CALL."
Little Hairdresser (mildly). "YER 'AIR'S VERY THIN ON THE TOP, SIR."
Gentleman (of ungovernable temper). "MY HAIR THIN ON THE TOP, SIR? AND WHAT IF IT IS? CONFOUND YOU, YOU PUPPY, DO YOU THINK I CAME HERE TO BE INSULTED AND TOLD OF MY PERSONAL DEFECTS? I'LL THIN YOUR TOP!!"
Lover. "SWEET GIRL, LET ME—HERE—AWAY FROM THE BUSY HUM OF MEN—AND WHERE NO MORTAL EYE CAN SEE US—DECLARE THAT PASSION WHICH—WHICH—"
Lady. "THERE! FOR GOODNESS' SAKE GET UP, MR. TOMKINS, AND DON'T BE RIDICULOUS—JUST CONSIDER ALL THE TELESCOPES FROM THE PARADE!!"
Wife of Free and Independent. "OH! AIN'T HE A HAFFABLE GENTLEMAN, TUMMUS?"
Free and Independent. "AH! JUST AIN'T 'UN. I SHOULDN'T WONDER IF I WARN'T ABLE TO PAY MY RENT TO-MORRER!"
Mrs. Smith. "IS MRS. BROWN IN?"
Jane. "NO, MEM, SHE'S NOT AT HOME."
Little Girl. "OH! WHAT A HORRID STORY, JANE! MA'S IN THE KITCHEN, HELPING COOK!"
"YOU SEE, OLD BOY, IT'S THE MEREST FORM IN THE WORLD. YOU HAVE ONLY TO—WHAT THEY CALL—ACCEPT IT, AND I'LL FIND THE MONEY WHEN IT COMES DUE."
Victim. "COME ALONG—GIVE US THE PEN."
THE COOK SAYS THAT SHE THINKS THERE'S A SLATE LOOSE ON THE ROOF OF THE HOUSE, FOR THE WATER COMES INTO THE SERVANTS' BEDROOM. MR. BRIGGS REPLIES THAT THE SOONER IT IS PUT TO RIGHTS THE BETTER, BEFORE IT GOES ANY FURTHER—AND HE WILL SEE ABOUT IT.
MR. BRIGGS HAVING BEEN TOLD BY THE BUILDER THAT A "LITTLE COMPO" IS ALL THAT IS WANTED, THE FIRST STEP IS TAKEN TOWARDS MAKING THINGS COMFORTABLE.
MASTER JACKEY HAVING SEEN A "PROFESSOR" OF POSTURING, HAS A PRIVATE PERFORMANCE OF HIS OWN IN THE NURSERY.
Pastrycook. "WHAT HAVE YOU HAD, SIR?"
Boy. "I'VE HAD TWO JELLIES, SEVEN OF THEM, AND ELEVEN OF THEM, AND SIX OF THOSE, AND FOUR BATH BUNS, A SAUSAGE ROLL, TEN ALMOND CAKES, AND A BOTTLE OF GINGER BEER."
NO TIME HAS BEEN LOST. MR. BRIGGS FINDS, ON GETTING OUT OF BED AT FIVE A.M. THAT THE WORKPEOPLE HAVE ALREADY COMMENCED PUTTING THE ROOF TO RIGHTS.
Paterfamilias. "I CANNOT CONCEIVE, MY LOVE, WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH MY WATCH; I THINK IT MUST WANT CLEANING."
Pet Child. "OH, NO! PAPA DEAR! I DON'T THINK IT WANTS CLEANING, BECAUSE BABY AND I HAD IT WASHING IN THE BASIN FOR EVER SO LONG THIS MORNING!"
A FRIENDLY HINT TO YOUNG LADIES WHO WEAR THOSE DEAR DELIGHTFUL BARÈGE DRESSES. ALWAYS LET THE SLIP (OR WHATEVER THE MYSTERIOUS GARMENT IS CALLED) BE AS LONG AS THE OUTER DRESS!
"VAT'S THE MATTER, EH?"
"OH, THERE'S ALWAYS A SOMETHINK! VY, I'VE BIN AND LEFT MY HOPERA-GLASS IN A CAB NOW."
JUST TO SHOW HOW ONE THING LEADS TO ANOTHER—MR. BRIGGS (WHO HAS COME OUT ON THE LEADS WHILE THE MEN ARE GONE TO DINNER) IS SHOWN BY THE BUILDER HOW IT WOULD BE THE EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD TO "THROW" HIS PASSAGE INTO HIS DINING ROOM, AND BUILD A NEW ENTRANCE HALL WITH A SLIGHT CONSERVATORY OVER IT.—TO THE RIGHT OF THE CARTOON IS MRS. BRIGGS(!) WHO THINKS MR. B. HAS TAKEN LEAVE OF HIS SENSES.
"BILL, YOU GOES OUT A GOOD DEAL.—TELL US, IS IT THE KERRECT THING TO TAKE ONE'S 'AT INTO A HEVENING PARTY?"
Jacky. "HALLO, TOMMY! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE?"
Tommy. "HOYSTER."
Jacky. "OH! GIVE US A BIT."
Flunkey. "APOLLO? HAH! I DESSAY IT'S VERY CHEAP, BUT IT AIN'T MY IDEER OF A GOOD FIGGER!"
Small Briton. "THE FRENCH INVADE US, INDEED! AND WHAT SHOULD WE BE ABOUT ALL THE TIME?—WHY, WE SHOULD RISE LIKE ONE MAN!"
Apprentice. "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, SHALL I FILL UP MRS. TWADDLE'S DRAUGHTS WITH WATER?"
Practitioner. "DEAR, DEAR ME, MR. BUMPS, HOW OFTEN MUST I MENTION THE SUBJECT? WE NEVER USE WATER—Aqua destillata, IF YOU PLEASE!"
Bathing Woman. "MASTER FRANKY WOULDN'T CRY! NO! NOT HE!—HE'LL COME TO HIS MARTHA, AND BATHE LIKE A MAN!"
TABLEAU, REPRESENTING FURTHER IMPROVEMENTS IN MR. BRIGGS'S HOUSE—DESTRUCTION OF THE WALL WHICH SEPARATES THE PARLOUR FROM THE PASSAGE.
(N.B.—As the wall is only lath and plaster, of course little or no mess is made. Mrs. Briggs says she hopes Mr. B. is satisfied now.)
Gentleman (in Shower-Bath). "HOLLO! HOLLO! WHO'S THERE? WHAT THE DEUCE DO YOU WANT?"
Maid. "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, HERE'S THE BUTCHER, AND MISSUS SAYS WHAT WILL YOU HAVE FOR DINNER TO-DAY?"
Sister Mary. "WHY, CHARLEY, DEAR BOY, WHAT'S THE MATTER? YOU SEEM QUITE MISERABLE!"
Charley. "AH! AIN'T I JUST! HERE'S MA' SAYS I MUST WEAR TURN-DOWN COLLARS TILL CHRISTMAS, AND THERE'S YOUNG SIDNEY BOWLER (WHO'S NOT HALF SO TALL AS I AM) HAS HAD STICK-UPS AND WHITE CHOKERS FOR EVER SO LONG!"
"HOLLO! HI! HERE! SOMEBODY! I'VE TURNED ON THE HOT WATER, AND I CAN'T TURN IT OFF AGAIN!"
Scene: Principal barricade at Mr. Briggs's House.—OWING TO THE INCOMPLETE STATE OF THE ALTERATIONS, MR. BRIGGS IS OBLIGED TO ENTER HIS HOUSE THROUGH THE PARLOUR WINDOW. THE POLICEMAN MISTAKES HIM FOR A BURGLAR, AND ACTS ACCORDINGLY. IN MR. BRIGGS'S HAND MAY BE OBSERVED A FINE LOBSTER, WHICH HE HAS BROUGHT HOME TO CONCILIATE MRS. B.
"PLEASE, SIR, DID YOU WANT ANYBODY TO KEEP ORDER ON THESE HERE HUSTINGS ON POLLING DAY?"
"HA'PENNY CANDLE, PLEASE, AND BE QUICK, FOR MOTHER WANTS HER TEA."
"OH, YES, OF COURSE, MISS; COULD WE SEND IT ANYWHERE FOR YER?"
Swell Mobsman (reads). "'ARRANGEMENTS ARE MAKING TO CONNECT ALL THE POLICE OFFICES WITH THE ELECTRIC TELEGRAPH.' WELL, I HAM BLOWED!"
SOMEHOW OR OTHER, EVER SINCE THE ALTERATIONS, THE CHIMNEYS HAVE TAKEN TO SMOKE INTOLERABLY. THE BUILDER IS ASSURING MR. BRIGGS THAT BY SOME VERY SIMPLE CONTRIVANCE THEY CAN BE EFFECTUALLY CURED.
Conductor. "ALL RIGHT, JIM. PUSH ALONG, I'VE SERVED THE OLD GAL OUT THIS TIME."
Old Lady. "HERE, STOP! CONDUCTOR! I WON'T TAKE CHANGE FOR A FIVE-SHILLING PIECE IN HALF-PENCE—THAT I WON'T! HERE, POLICE! CONDUCTOR!" &C.
First Ticket Porter. "AND SO, YOU KNOW, THAT'S ALL I KNOWS ABOUT IT."
Second Ticket Porter. "WELL! I DON'T KNOW AS EVER I KNOWED A MAN AS KNOWS AS MUCH AS YOU KNOWS."
Robinson. "THERE, BROWN, MY BOY, THAT'S AS FINE A GLASS OF WINE AS YOU CAN GET ANYWHERE."
Mrs. Brown. "A-HEM! AUGUSTUS, MY DE-AR. YOU ARE SURELY NEVER GOING TO TAKE PORT WINE? YOU KNOW IT NEVER AGREES WITH YOU, MY LOVE!"
Gus (who is always so full of his nonsense). "DASH MY BUTTONS, ELLEN! THAT'S A STUNNING WAISTCOAT. I WISH YOU'D GIVE US YOUR TAILOR'S ADDRESS."
Ellen. "DON'T YOU BE RUDE, SIR—AND TAKE YOUR ARMS OFF THE PIANO."
ENVELOPE CONTAINING THE BUILDER'S LITTLE ACCOUNT AGAINST MR. BRIGGS—MUCH TOO SERIOUS TO JEST UPON.
THE UNSETTLED STATE OF THE HOUSE FOR THE LAST TWO MONTHS HAS SO DISORDERED BRIGGS, THAT HIS MEDICAL ADVISER RECOMMENDS A LITTLE HORSE EXERCISE BY WAY OF A CHANGE, AND HIS EQUESTRIAN PLEASURES BEGIN.
Flora. "THAT'S A VERY PRETTY WAISTCOAT, EMILY!"
Emily. "YES, DEAR. IT BELONGS TO MY BROTHER CHARLES. WHEN HE GOES OUT OF TOWN HE PUTS ME ON THE FREE-LIST, AS HE CALLS IT, OF HIS WARDROBE. ISN'T IT KIND?"
Old Gentleman. "WHAT THE DEUCE IS THE REASON, SIR, YOU DON'T ANSWER WHEN YOU ARE CALLED?"
(The reason is obvious. The poor child has his mouth full of green peas and jam tart.)
Boy. "IF YOU PLEASE, M', WAS YOU A LOOKING FOR A LITTLE DOG?"
Young Ladies. "YES! OH, YES!"
Boy. "WAS IT A SPANNEL, MUM?"
Young Ladies. "OH, YES! A MOST BEAUTIFUL LITTLE SPANIEL, WITH VERY LONG EARS."
Boy. "AH, THEN, MUM, IT'S THE SAME AS FLEW AT MASTER'S BIG DOG HERE, WOT'S BIN AND SWALLERED OF IT."
Annie. "GOOD-BYE, DEAR, YOU MUST COME AGAIN SOON, AND SPEND A GOOD LONG DAY, AND THEN I CAN SHOW YOU ALL MY NEW THINGS."
Clara. "OH! THAT WILL BE NICE! GOOD-BYE, DEAR." (Kiss and exit.)
Dealer. "I SHOULD SAY IT WAS JUST THE HOSS YOU WANT, SIR; ONLY YOU MUST DECIDE AT ONCE, BECAUSE THERE'S SEVERAL PARTIES VERY SWEET UPON HIM. HE'S A GENTLEMAN'S HOSS, SIR, AND CARRIES HIS OWN HEAD, SIR!"
Mr. Briggs. "BLESS MY HEART!" (Buys him.)
Clever Juvenile (loq.). "SHAKSPEARE? POOH! FOR MY PART I CONSIDER SHAKSPEARE A MUCH OVER-RATED MAN."
"THE BEST OF CLARET IS, THAT YOU MAY DRINK ANY (hic) QUANTITY YOU LIKE, WITHOUT FEELING ILL."
QUITE A NEW SENSATION FOR THE LUXURIOUS, ON COLD MORNINGS. "USE HOT WATER, AND LOOK AT YOUR SHOWER-BATH!"
Time, half-past three; thermometer 30°.
William. "WHAT A VIOLENT RINGING THERE IS AT THE STREET-DOOR BELL!"
Maria. "OH! I KNOW WHAT IT IS, DEAR. IT'S THE SWEEPS· AND I DARE SAY THE GIRLS DON'T HEAR. JUST RUN UP AND KNOCK AT THEIR ROOM DOOR."
MONEY.—WANTED FROM £300 TO £400 TO BRING FORWARD AN ARTICLE THAT MUST IN A FEW YEARS REALISE A HANDSOME FORTUNE TO THE PROPRIETORS. TO ANY YOUNG MAN WHO IS NOT OF BUSINESS HABITS, WITH THE ABOVE SUM AT COMMAND, THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR INVESTMENT SELDOM MET WITH. REFERENCES EXCHANGED.—NO PROFESSED MONEY-LENDER NEED APPLY.